Dear Traumateers,
Lorraine: First and foremost, I should first thank Traumateer Dani Denatti for suggesting “The More You Know” as the title of these monthly recaps. Sweeney and I loved it at first sight because 1.) It’s such a staple of 90’s TV watching that I’m sure it feels right at home here on SS.com 2.) We’ve used the saying and the graphic in recaps past and 3.) It’s brilliant because GET IT? THESE ARE INFORMATIVE.
Sweeney: And we’re just glad to get to use this gif at least once a month. It’s an all-around win.
Last Month
Lorraine: September was another busy month for the Snark Squad, and I feel particularly proud of that because it’s not even like we were neglecting real life! Sweeney did some traveling and I was switching departments at work- legit grown-up things.
Sweeney: I’m sure everyone who reads this blog understands the necessity of this preface about how we are sometimes real people who do life things. To be honest, writing this blog, I’m not even sure I believe you.
Lorraine: Fair. The evidence is stacked against us:
In Sunnydale, being ignored meant turning invisible, Buffy freakin’ DIES (and then comes back to life, like a boss), dying made B a little moody, some science club nerds tried piecing together a living girl from dead girl parts, SPIKE, Buffy slays the concept of a foreign exchange student, and Buffy gets drugged and almost fed to a snake. That is not a metaphor for anything.
In Fifty Shades of Grey, the stalker boyfriend meme was born when Grey follows Ana on her vacation, we learned that having his IHOP paid for makes Grey feel like less of a man and in the penultimate chapter, Ana and Grey have sex to a hymn. A HYMN YOU GUYS
Sweeney: It still makes me laugh. Which is good, because the tampon scene still makes me retch. It’s the trade-off we signed up for.
Lorraine: In special feature news, Sweeney and I covered a handful of TV pilots that taught us valuable Back to School Lessons. From Beverly Hills 90210, we learned that motorcycle rides are nothing without porn music. From Saved by the Bell we learned, JUST DANCE. From The OC we learned that criminals can drastically improve your life. Finally, from Dawson’s Creek we learned more than we ever wanted to know about puberty.
In Book Reports, we graded Every Day by David Levithan a C+ and Every Other Day by Jennifer Lynn Barnes a B.
Lastly, in Childhood Trauma, Stacey invites the BSC to New York City and quickly learns that those fictional bitches should never be let out of their fictional town.
Nuts & Bolts:
Sweeney: There isn’t much to report here, except that we’ve made more subtle changes to the look of the site which hopefully make it easier to read/navigate. Or, more importantly, make it prettier. That’s really my concern.
I’m trying to find a way to tie this back to Buffy’s “I may be dead, but I’m still pretty,” line, but I have yet to master the gift for contrivance perfected in 95% of the material we cover.
Lorraine: A for effort! You may not have mastered it yet, but you’re still pretty.
Coming Up:
Lorraine: We are dedicating the rest of the week to finishing off Fifty Shades of Grey. YAY! THE END YOU GUYS. Tomorrow, we’ll post the final chapter recap and then we’ll follow it up with some special features, like a FSoG drinking game, an FAQ and the best quiz you’ll ever take, ever.
We’ll finish up the rest of the month by celebrating Halloween.
Sweeney: We have some Halloween surprises planned, but mostly you can expect a little more classic Childhood Trauma this month, because nothing says Halloween like R. L. Stine inflicting nonsensical horrors on fictional children.
Welcome Questionable New Friends:
Sweeney: Unsurprisingly, we get traffic from a lot of amazing Google searches. They remind us that we are not the only ones doing a “questionable Google search of the day.” Just as the FSoG posts feature some of the amazing comments you leave us, we thought we’d also use this post to pass along some of the amazing gems we find in our Google Analytics. We just want to welcome our warped new friends:
“how to hide from someone trying to kill you in a bush” has led people to our blog twenty-six times this month! And no, it’s not because of FSoG (Christian Grey is far more likely to kill you indoors) but Nancy Drew Files #6 – White Water Terror. Regardless, our advice, friends, is to consider the possibility that this might be one of the few problems that Google is ill-suited to solve. Just a thought.
Lorraine: I do suppose, though, that you could start with getting out of the bush.
Thanks for sticking around for another month. Welcome to all our of our new visitors. Don’t be shy about joining the non-stop conversations. We like opinions around here and accept them all. Unless you think Christian Grey is hot ’cause in that case: NO.
(Kidding!)
(Mostly.)
♥
The Snark Squad
