Buffy the Vampire Slayer S03 E01 – Inner Demons / Actual Demons

Previously: Joyce laser-removed her Non-Negligent Parenting eyebrows forever by telling Buffy to never return, Angelus opened the gate to hell right before Willow magicked his soul back, and then Buffy had to kill him anyway to save the world. Understandably, she skips town.

 —

Anne

Sweeney: Welcome to season 3, Traumateers. I am so happy we’re here and I will probably sit in bed and sob in mourning when we leave it (K: +1). This episode is overshadowed by much of the awesomeness to come, but it’s pretty fantastic in its own right, so let’s get started.

Standard Buffy opening: a vamp crawling out of his grave at the cemetery. Instead of the chosen one, he is greeted by a slayerless team of Scoobies. Willow looks badass and has awesome hair, but unfortunately her imitation of Buffy banter is about all she’s got. She, Xander, and Oz (!) fight the newly risen vamp, but he gets away. Oz hilariously tries to throw the stake after the vampire.

Xander mocks Willow for being punny, and Willow adorably insists that it throws the vampires off. He makes a comment about how they took Buffy’s puns for granted, and Willow chastises him violating the “past tense rule.” He corrects himself that they, in the past, took them for granted, but will not when she returns. Willow wonders if Buffy knows that school starts tomorrow. It’s a sad moment.

Lor: Hi! I’m new to season 3 so I have no freaking idea if I will cry when it’s over or whatever seems to be happening to our two other snarkers. I just really need to emphasize these things: WILLOW’S HAIR IS AWESOME. Oz is amazing. I love how self-aware they are right here, what with calling out the mid-action punning. WEE SEASON 3.

Sweeney: As they walk off, Willow says that she wishes that they knew where Buffy was, which SEGUE MAGIC  leads us to Buffy walking along a beach at sunset. We are tipped off to the fact that it is a dream sequence by the appearance of Angel who, in addition to being in hell, couldn’t have hung out in the sunset prior to the whole hell thing. It’s all ~romantical~ beach scene that ends with Angel telling her that he’s not going anywhere, “not even if you kill me.” Which is clearly the point of the dream, to tip us off to runaway Buffy’s inner demons.

K: Maybe it’s just Team Heartless Cow talking, but I always found this scene to be creep-tastic rather than romantic. Angel’s using his best desperate stalker voice, and the “not even if you kill me” has a tone of “Ghost Angel will keep on stalking you” to it. 

Did I just do that thing where I make everyone mad at me again? Probably. Carry on. 

Lor: NO KIRSTI. You did that thing where you are right but also kind of miss the point on account of you having seen this already. It’s misdirection. At first you’re all: oh look beach! Dream? ANGEL? Oh, God. Wait. Creeeepy.

Because it is creepy. It’s meant to be that way ’cause of the bad dream, inner demons thing.

K: I am a champion at missing the point. It’s nice to see that my reign continues unchallenged!

Sweeney: And we love you for it. Yes, to the intentional creepy and all that.

Cut to Buffy lying in bed in a dingy apartment where you can hear city-like noises outside. Cars and sirens are basically television’s way of saying, “THIS IS A BAD PLACE!” Aaand roll the magical opening credits. Lor had a whole conversation with herself about them on our Facebook. If you don’t like us on Facebook, you should really fix that.

K: Seriously. You should. I’m also excited about the new! opening credits, because they bring the change from the word ‘Buffy’ being handwritten to being in the awesome and iconic font we all know and love:

Lor: As I was talking to myself on Facebook, questioning David Boreanaz still in the credits and rejoicing over Seth Green, I seriously didn’t think through the fact that I was talking to myself. On Facebook.

Sweeney: After the credits, we see Buffy working in a diner of lost dreams and being sexually harassed by pervy middle aged customers. One of them slaps her ass and there’s a pause, in which we hope she’ll kick his ass, but she does not. She goes to a young couple who haven’t showered in days. We see that Buffy’s name tag says Anne and learn that the gropey showerless couple is broke because they spent all their money on giant tattoos with each other’s names. The guy makes a comment about FOREVER which incites Buffy brood/feels, due to the aforementioned dreams/demons.

The girl realizes that she recognizes Buffy (and we should recognize her too, but more on that later) but Buffy’s all, NO YOU DON’T and runs off.

In the Wiggins library, Willow is explaining to Giles that they still have some flaws in their system, “like vampires getting away.” Giles tells her to be careful, and she assures him: “We try not get killed! That’s part of our whole mission statement: don’t get killed.” Meanwhile, there are an odd number of students in this library. I don’t even understand what is happening. THERE ARE STUDENTS ACQUIRING BOOKS? FROM THE LIBRARY? There is even a big green sign welcoming students and I laugh, because there is no way Giles would put something like that up. It was probably Willow’s idea.

Cordelia makes her first appearance of the episode, panicking over not having seen Xander all summer. He was worried too, back in the cemetery, but this whole subplot doesn’t really merit much commentary because it’s boring and who cares. Still, I laugh when Cordelia is trying to reassure herself that he couldn’t have met anyone in Sunnydale because they’ve been dealing with monsters all summer: “but then again, he’s always been attracted to monsters.”

Lor: I keep trying to remind myself that Cordy and Xander are young and immature so that their crap, low-self-esteem relationship doesn’t get to me. This is me just focusing on the one-liners, because LOL. HE DOES FALL FOR MONSTERS.

Sweeney: Willow patiently listens to Cordelia until she goes away and Oz walks up, which causes Willow to freak out a bit. Thanks to contrivance, mega-smart Oz is also mega-lazy and has to repeat his senior year. I acknowledge that this isn’t OOC for Oz, but I’m still filing it under contrivance, because having to actually repeat an entire year is the sort of failing that you have to put actual effort into. Also, as terrible as this school is, I feel like that statement holds extra true. All of that being said, I fully support this giant pile of “BECAUSE OF REASONS” because it means more Oz. EVERYBODY WINS.

K: YAY, OZ!!! 

Sweeney: Except Willow, in a way, because she rightly points out to Oz that his hope that she find it cute was misguided, given that failing has not traditionally been a turn-on. At least, not for awesome smart girls like Willow. SO GO WILLOW. (butalsoyayOz)

Xander interrupts their conversation to be all panicky about Cordelia, and while I still don’t care about this subplot, and I don’t like his skeevy comments about heat, I will say for the benefit of our Xander defender that he’s kind of endearing right here.

We continue with this back-to-school episode panning around the crowded halls of the high school vibe to overhear conversations from minor characters. The closeted gay jock from last season is talking about how awesome the team is going to be and how this is totally going to be Sunnydale’s year, if they can’t not have quite as many mysterious deaths. I love moments like this, when the minor characters acknowledge the absurdity of their existence.

K: Larry FTW! Do you think it can count as season finale foreshadowing if it’s in episode 1?

Sweeney: An excellent question. Traumateers?

After a final tour through the halls that includes more Oz/Willow discussing the failing situation and the awkward, stand-offish Xander/Cordelia reunion, we go back to Buffy, sad in her new apartment and then walking down the streets of her runaway town and listening to old homeless people mutter, “I am no one.”

In the Wiggins Library, Giles is excitedly running off because he’s found a new lead on Buffy’s location and it’s very sad, particularly when Xander makes it clear that he’s been going on failed searches like this since she left. Xander says that it’s hard to  keep seeing Giles get his hopes up, but then he and Willow both encourage him to not give up. After Giles leaves, Xander wisely adds, “I think he’ll find her when she wants to be found.”

Buffy is walking down the street at night, all mopey. There’s a prostitute doing this weirdly HI I AM A PROSTITUTE hip wiggle in the background, just so we are really clear that Buffy now lives in a BAD PLACE. The showerless name-knowing girl from earlier calls after “Anne” and gets no response until she says, “Buffy.” She catches up to her and promises not to tell anyone B’s secret, but adds that she recognizes her from being part of the vampire cult from last season. GUYS, THERE ARE SO MANY NODS TO THE BUDDING SENSE OF CONTINUITY THAT IT MAKES ME WANT TO WEEP WITH JOY.

Anyway, they chat and they talk about life and Ex-Vampire Girl is developed as a tragic, helpless waif-like character. She apparently changes her name often, which makes her boyfriend’s tattoo of her current name kind of hilarious.

K: My favourite part of this scene is when she says that going by Chanterelle (the name she used in Sunnydale) was part of her exotic phase, and Buffy replies “It’s a mushroom.” 

Sweeney: Anyway, Ex-Vampire Girl asks Buffy if she has any money to go to a rave. Buffy doesn’t want to go but tries to give her money, which offends Ex-Vampire Girl, because she just wanted to be friendly.

Another old, homeless person appears muttering, “I am no one,” and then he starts to walk in front of a car. Buffy pushes him out of the way and basically gets hit by a car. People see this and try to get her to go to the hospital, but she’s all, “I’M FINE” due to the slayer thing, and runs off. She rounds a corner and runs into a guy carrying flyers. As she helps him pick them up, he dispenses sage wisdom about how she’s clearly running from something and has “the look,” which he clarifies as, “like you had to grow up way too fast.” Obviously true, but also a super weird and creepy thing for someone she just ran into to say.

Lor: Very stalker boyfriend-ish:

 

Sweeney: A+ forever.

He ups his creep factor by trying to get her to come to what sounds like a cult meeting. It’s got a very, “WE’LL SAVE YOUR SOUL!” vibe and Buffy, thankfully, isn’t having it.

Back at The Bronze it’s “depressing night.”

Lor: Also, it’s “that lady singing the depressing song on stage has huge boobs and they panned across them for way too long” night. But carry on-

Sweeney: Willow asks about what Buffy’s doing, but Xander is stuck on the weird non-reunion with Cordelia, and I will again say that while I’m still not a huge fan of his, the fact that he stops spending all of his time obsessing over his unrequited love for Buffy is a major improvement. Unfortunately, he loses points by deciding that his maybe girlfriend can improve their vampire hunting efforts if she lets them use her as bait.

Giles goes to Joyce to tell her about his failed search for Buffy. It’s a very sad scene, but knowing what’s coming, I tense up as soon as it starts. They share their respective missing B sadness, but Giles assures Joyce that as hurt and confused as Buffy must be, he honestly believes she is no danger because she is so incredibly capable. Joyce confesses that the last thing they did was fight, and Giles tells her not to blame herself. AND THEN SHE FUCKING SAYS THAT SHE BLAMES HIM. JOYCE. BLAMES. HIM.

NEW PARAGRAPH FOR ALL THE FEELS: While the Scholastic books brought us the introduction of the Negligent Parent of the Book, we noticed that theme was pervasive across a number of books and shows. When the book or show is halfway decent, you will eventually find a Substitute Parent of the Book or Show. The person who fills the void where a parent should be. I haven’t given the matter a great deal of thought, but Giles is probably one of the greatest Substitute Parents ever (K: + ALL THE NUMBERS). While Joyce falls more under the category of our Snark Squad ha-ha Negligent Parent, this is a very fine line in her case. SHE SUCKS AS A PARENT. She’s never fucking present and has spent the last two years oblivious to the fact that her daughter has been sneaking out at night to fight vampires and save the world. On the rare occasion she is around, she’s useless at best and damaging at worst. Like, you know, by telling Buffy not to return? Meanwhile, Giles has been the closest thing to a parent that Buffy has. In fact, in Joyce’s own words, “You’ve been this huge influence on her, guiding her. You had this whole relationship with her behind my back!” SO, NO, JOYCE, YOU DON’T GET TO BLAME GILES. YOU GET TO GO FUCK YOURSELF.

K: Seriously. Let’s stop and review here:
– Joyce couldn’t work out for THREE YEARS (including Buffy’s sophomore year in LA) that her daughter was sneaking out at night
– She didn’t know her daughter had a boyfriend
– She left her SIXTEEN YEAR OLD DAUGHTER alone in the house for days at a time while she went off on art buying trips
– She apparently washed a crapton of blood stains out of Buffy’s clothes without ever questioning it
– SHE ACTUALLY TELLS HER DAUGHTER NOT TO BOTHER COMING BACK
– And after all of that, she has the nerve to blame GILES? The guy who’s been flying all over America looking for her daughter??

In short:

Lor: YEAH!

(My commentary here is really suffering on account of being the last to comment on the post.)

And, I mean, just beyond Joyce suffering from a negligent parent edit- that is, having to leave Joyce out because contrivance calls for it- we’ve seen her being an actively BAD parent and terrible listener. Ted immediately comes to mind.

SO YEAH!

Sweeney: Giles is wounded, but only says that he didn’t make Buffy who she is, to which Joyce can only say, “And who exactly is she?” since she doesn’t know a fucking thing about her daughter, because she’s the worst.

Back at the Diner of Lost Dreams, Buffy is filling up sugar jars and doing the mindless things one does as an employee of the Diner of Lost Dreams, and Ex-Vampire Girl comes in to say that her similarly shower-less boyfriend is missing.  EVG wants Buffy’s help and she’s having none of that. Ex-Vampire Girl gets all doe-eyed and pleading because she doesn’t know what to do. She’s sweet, but so utterly useless, and an awesome foil for Buffy’s coming back to herself. EVG is the anti-Buffy: helpless and dependent. It beautifully reminds Buffy who she is.

Obviously, Buffy (reluctantly) agrees to help. They go to a place where the couple often donate blood, and Buffy is more bantery and less sullen than she has been up to this point, though she’s still wearing mopey sweatpants. The clinic lady claims she hasn’t seen the boyfriend, but we are told otherwise by the fact that after the girls leave we cut back to her with ominous music.

Buffy and EVG split up. While walking around dark alleyways, B comes across a dead old man with the same “Lily” tattoo that boyfriend had. They girls meet back at Buffy’s apartment and she tries to explain what she found. EVG’s first thought is, “But he takes care of me,” adding to that nice little foil. EVG is, fairly, having a hard time believing Buffy (which, you know, fair) and also tries to blame it on her for bringing bad shit to town (less fair, but also not entirely unreasonable).

K: I dunno. It’s Los Angeles (which, I’m pretty sure, is never mentioned in this episode. But it is later). And Angel the Series proves that LA has plenty of bad shit of the monster variety. The addition of Buffy to the equation probably doesn’t even cause a blip on the radar!

Sweeney: Buffy demonstrates her characteristic flaw of being low on empathy and low patience for useless people like this girl, insisting that EVG’s just going to have to deal with it. We also get a nod to Buffy’s demons when EVG tries to insist that this couldn’t happen to her boyfriend because he was a good person. Buffy, of course, has been living an insane life that demonstrates that bad shit happens to good people all the time.

EVG runs off filled with sads and runs right into creepy pamphlet guy. He insists that her boyfriend is no more dead than he is and that he’s with THEM now. Obviously EVG is eager to believe this and goes with him.

Buffy goes to snoop through the clinic, where she finds patient files that say “candidate.” In spite of it being after hours, the creepy nurse appears and threatens to call the cops. Buffy barely looks up from the files she’s snooping through to rip the phone off the wall. It’s badass.

We get a great snarky Buffy monologue about how she just wanted a quiet life, but all this bullshit keeps following her around, and nurse lady is going to explain this “candidate” nonsense or incur the wrath of Buffy. She also says, “I don’t even know what a tea cozy is, but I want one,” which made my sister and I giggle. It also made my sister Google “tea cozy.”

Lor: Don’t know what a tea cozy is either but it has “tea” and “cozy” in it, and that’s nice.

K: See, America? This is what happens when you throw all the tea in the harbour. You have to Google “tea cozy.”

Sweeney: Anyway, creepy nurse says that she gives them the names of the healthy ones, which ups her creepy factor.

Back at the cemetery, the Scoobies reunite to try to slay vampires with Cordelia as bait. Unfortunately, she and Xander are too busy fighting to see the vampire sneak up behind Willow. NOT WILLOW!

Creepy Flyer Guy is leading EVG through this weird baptism. Buffy shows up at the door insisting to two minions that she just woke up and realized she’s a big old sinner. They aren’t buying it, so she mutters, “Oh, I just suck at undercover,” before kicking the door open. She walks in just in time to see EVG get sucked into a pool of sludge. She fights with Creepy Flyer Guy before dragging them both into the sludge after her.

They fall through the sludge to a basement. Creepy Flyer Guy is apparently a demon whose face has been glued on and he’s way pissed, because putting his face on is a total pain in the ass. The girls run off and they see that they are in this crazy demonic factory, where all the workers are wearing gross rags like the ones Creepy Flyer Guy gave to Ex-Vampire Girl. CFG appears and creeps that they’re never leaving and knocks Buffy out by hitting her with a giant metal thing.

K: Stay away from creepy cult-y dudes handing out flyers in LA, Sweeney. We’d miss you if you got sucked into a hell dimension.

Lor: Plus, who would help me recap Fifty Shades?? (Priorities.)

Sweeney: Aw, thanks, K! That’s so sweet! Lor, I respect your priorities.

Back in Sunnydale, Cordelia and Xander have their fighting interrupted by the vampire attacking Willow. They manage to accidentally kill the vampire, by Cordelia tackling the vampire into Xander who was holding the stake out. Vampire dusts, and Cordelia falls through, on top of him. They make out and all is well with their boring story.

Buffy and EVG wake up in a cell with bones. Demon Creepy Flyer Guy appears to explain the situation for the viewers at home. Her ex-boyfriend remembered her name years after he forgot his own. YEARS passed because they are in a demon dimension where time moves much more quickly. They kidnap young people who aren’t likely to be missed and work them until they are too old. Buffy points out that they didn’t choose her, but he describes, quite accurately, the less-than-Buffy girl that she’s been trying to be as Anne.

Lor: I am most disturbed by why they would release some old workers and keep some to become bones in their cell. Ambiance, I guess. Those demons sure do like their interior decorating.

Sweeney; We get to see slave training, which consists of making everyone say that they are no one or else they get beaten, completing the circle of explanation on the homeless old people. When creepy demon trainer dude gets to Buffy and asks her who she is, our girl is back in sasstacular form and says, “I’m Buffy, the vampire slayer, and you are?” He pulls his arm back to hit her and she attacks. She takes out the two demon henchmen and then leads her motley crew of a dozen nobodies to lead an uprising.

K: FAVOURITE SCENE IN THIS EPISODE. Buffy’s back, y’all. 

Lor: +1! And super significant in the grand scheme of things. B had to sacrifice so much at the end of last season; in essence a lot of things that made her, her. Or at least, that’s what she thought. She lost herself for a while, but at the end of the day, she can never run away from being Buffy. The (kick ass) vampire slayer.

Sweeney: It starts to go as well as expected in the, “This is the first episode of the season so B can’t die.” Demon Creepy Flyer Guy is super pissed and sends some minions down and it falls apart in the more realistic, “There are a lot of demons and Buffy is the only one capable of actually fighting them,” sense.

K: Despite having seen this episode like 8 times, I only JUST noticed that during this scene, she’s fighting with a hammer and a sickle thingie. What up, USSR? 

Lor: I’ve been waiting all recap to comment on how she manage to super-frost the front of her hair at some point during her running away. Not really a fan.

Sweeney: EVG is captured as she’s leading the others to safety. Demon Creepy Flyer Guy threatens EVG with a knife, so Buffy backs down. He lets go of EVG to exchange witty banter with Buffy. That is interrupted when EVG hits him, and knocks him over.

Buffy fights her way up to EVG and they run off. Demon CFG chases after them, but only succeeds in pushing them through the giant gate they were lifting before it lands on his legs and punctures his calves. It’s pretty gruesome and unpleasant. Then Buffy chops his head off.

K: Teeeeeeeeeeeeeechnically, she smashes his head in with a club. But whatevs. 

Sweeney: Correction noted.

They get all the people free and then due to reasons that are unexplained, the sludge pool magically turns into metal with the help of bad special effects. Back in B’s shitty apartment, she is handing the apartment and job and her entire life as Anne over to EVG. Including, ultimately, the name Anne.

With that all hastily wrapped up, Buffy returns to Sunnydale, where she is greeted by Joyce with a big emotional hug that I can’t appreciate because I am still so fucking mad at her for being the absolute worst. End of episode.

 

Next time on Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Buffy’s back in Sunnydale but there’s still the matter of her expulsion, Scoobie Abandonment Issues, and new ways for Joyce to suck. See it all in BtVS S03 E02.