Buffy the Vampire Slayer S03 E11 – Moo.

Previously: Angel was haunted by the ghosts of Christmas past and Buffy made him want to be a better man.
—

Gingerbread

Lorraine: Mmmm, gingerbread.

Anysnacks, Buffy is patrolling in one of her Ass Kicking Trench Coats. She hears some, “HEY I’M A VAMPIRE OVER HERE” rustling in nearby trees and a second later, we hear Joyce ask, “is it a vampire,” as she enters from stage left. She’s come to offer Buffy a snack and observe the Slaying. It’s amazing that right after our most rage-y of Joyce moments, she really, really started to improve. This is adorbs.

Sweeney: It’s like she reads our blog.

K: I’M BACK, TRAUMATEERS!! Also, it really is, but you’d think she’d know better than to sneak up on her vampire slayer daughter. You know?! 

Lor: Knowing better is not a popular pass time in Sunnydale.

Buffy tries to tell her slaying is an alone thing, but they are interrupted by the Tree Rustling Vampire from earlier. The ensuing fight is peppered with comments from Joyce like, “C’mon honey, kill him!” and looks from Buffy that are all, “Moooooom, I’m slaying here.” The vamp starts running, and after telling Joyce to stay put, Buffy takes after him.

Joyce wanders away toward a nearby play ground. She smiles as she considers an abandoned toy but soon she sees something that disturbs her. We cut to Buffy who stakes the Tree Rustling Vampire, then back to Joyce, horrified. Because of the quick cuts and similar scenery, it almost seems like Joyce is watching Buffy slay the vampire. “Oh god,” she says, and when the shot pans out, you see she’s not looking at her child, but other children. Young kids, dead, laid out by the merry-go-round. We see that one of them has something marked on their hand. We see it upside down, so it kind of makes it look like an inverted triangle with a mustache. Roll credits.

The police are at the crime scene and Joyce is standing there, still aghast. Buffy comes over to inform her that they can go home, but Joyce is in shock. Joyce asks if Buffy saw them, and it drives home how very jaded Buffy is as she evenly pronounces that she did. Buffy tries to comfort her mom and assure her that she is going to find whatever did this. Even though Buffy can promise revenge, Joyce points out that she can’t “make it right.” Buffy hugs er mom and asks her to try calm down.

Sweeney: This is such a great little moment, both for the actual mother/daughter-ness of it all, but also for how well it highlights what years of being the slayer have done to Buffy on a mental/emotional level. Joyce is having the normal person reaction and Buffy is so clearly a million miles away from that. Also, Buffy’s very cut and dry, good/bad, justice-oriented view of the world is nicely in display here, with someone to offer a fair counterpoint to it.

Lor: Segue magic over to Buffy yelling, “don’t tell me to calm down!” She’s filling Giles in, who has now taken on the role of trying to soothe her. Giles asks if it was a vampire, and when B says there were no marks, she remembers the Triangular Mustache. She goes to draw it for Giles, and almost does so on some twelfth century parchment, so Giles is all, “GIRL. NO.”

K: My inner librarian got equally panicky. 

Lor: Anyways, Buffy draws the symbol right side up and it is no longer very mustache-y, but the nickname stays. Giles considers it and he wonders if they are even looking for a freak of the week. A symbol like the one in question usually points to ritual murder or occult sacrifice. “Someone with a soul did this?” says Buffy and all of us groan and meet at the Table of Ugh because alcohol at this point is greater than than trying to figure out souls in the Buffyverse.

Sweeney: TRUTH.

K: Freaking souls, yo. 

Lor: Giles wonders if Buffy isn’t taking it a little personal, since her momma was on hand to witness the tragedy. She is and she doesn’t care.

Sweeney: It’s cute, in a warped, Buffy kind of way.

Lor: Sunnydale High cafeteria, where Oz and Xander are standing next to each other in the lunch line. Xander is being all awkward and Oz is being collected and awesome, as per usual. They get to a table and Willow and Amy, of witchy fame, join them. Then I go, “OH. AMY. And “gingerbread.” This is going to be about witches.” I feel smarter than a girl with a 1430.

(That’s never going to get old for me.)

Sweeney: Get down with your 1430 self. No apologies.

Lor: Things at the table are still awkward when Oz asks where Willow has been and Xander’s all, “not with me!” Because Oz is an excellent human being, he throws Xander a bone (#punny) and changes the subject to Buffy’s upcoming birthday. Oooooh no. You guys. I don’t know if my feels are over the last one.

Sweeney: Mine are not. Feels forever from that.

K: Buffy really needs to stop having birthdays. They never end well. Plus, she gets weird presents, like an arm in a box. 

Lor: That subject doesn’t last long as Buffy joins the table, bringing the sad news of the murdered children. She says her mother is wigging about it, and now that’s Joyce’s clue to appear and this is turning out to be a really awkward lunch. Everyone says hi to Joyce. She wonders if B has talked to “Mr. Giles” about the murders, and Buffy says she has. She mentions that they are thinking “occult” and Joyce is like, “OH I KNOW. WITCHES.” Willow chokes on her drink. Joyce knows the kids think it’s “cool” and that they “dabble” but she calls killing kids decidedly uncool. Buffy pulls her increasingly twitchy mother aside.

Out in the hall, Joyce wants to know if the Scoobies will be helping with the investigation. Buffy for her part is kind of wigged. She claims it’s because her home and school lives are mixing. Joyce says that she just has to help, which is why she’s called everyone she knows in Sunnydale and they are meeting that night for a vigil at town hall. The mayor will be there. Buffy’s all, “hello? Secret slayer stuff!” and Joyce says that it will probably only be a small crowd.

Segue magic to an un-small crowd. Buffy complains about the people, but Willow tries to bright-side that at least her mother cares. Cue Willow’s mother to enter, and JEEZ. ALRIGHT WITH THE IRONIC ENTRANCES.

K: This episode is rather heavy on them…

Lor: I never truly realized how negligent Willow’s mother was. I mean, that’s not my fault so I’ll rephrase: they’ve never really showed us how truly negligent Willow’s mother is. She greets Buffy as, “Bunny,” (which, alright: funny.) and compliments the haircut Will got months ago. Giles joins the group and awkwards with Joyce and reminds us of that one time they spent an episode kissing. Except the “reminds” part, as we remember clearly on account of it being burned onto our retinas. Sheila (K: aka Willow’s negligent mother) says she’s heard a rumor, and Giles channels Xander with his, “WHO US? NOPE. NAH.” but Sheila meant about witches being the kid killers.

At that moment, the Mayor takes the microphone and blah-blahs something about Sunnydale being a good town with good people. He calls up Joyce and she basically says the exact opposite.

“This is not a good town. How many of us have lost someone who just disappeared? Or got skinned? Or suffered neck rupture? And how many of us have been too afraid to speak out? I was supposed to lead us in a moment of silence, but silence is this town’s disease. For too long we’ve been plagued by unnatural evils. This isn’t our town anymore. It belongs to the monsters, and the witches, and the Slayers.”

The music swells when she says, “slayers,” and we see the horrified faces of Willow, Giles and Buffy.

I’m not entirely sure what is going on here. We made so much progress Joyce! I mean, your daughter had a hell of a time coming clean to you and has asked you repeatedly to keep the Slayer thing secret. JOYCE, REALLY. WHUTAREYOUDOING?

K: I’m also going to stop and LOL ALL THE LOLS at the fact that Sunnydale refers to vampire bites as “neck ruptures.”

Lor: We get a shot of Sunnydale, still at night, and then see a scene with a skull and smoke and other general things that say, “witch.” First we see a boy with black fingernails and dark lipstick. Then we see that Amy is there, also playing with the skull and pouring concoctions, finally, in a black robe, we see Willow. They are all seated around the Triangular Mustache and generally look nefarious and guilty.

School the next day, the dude with the polish and lipstick, whose name we learn is Michael, is checking himself out in his locker mirror. A Jerky Jock slams his locker shut and taunts him by asking if he’s going to put a spell on him. Amy, who is standing next to Michael, asks what the problem is and the Jerky Jock says that everyone knows Michael is into witchcraft and, while slamming him into the lockers, says that people like him need to learn a lesson. Jerky Jock turns his threatening to Amy but at that moment, Buffy pops her head into the shot and calmly regards the jocks with a little smile. The Jerk releases Michael and says that there is no problem and scatters.

I LOVED THAT MOMENT. Clearly my pattern is: 1.) I feel all of Buffy’s feels 2.) I am a Buffy defender and 3.) I freakin’ love BAMF Buffy.

Sweeney: BAMF BUFFY IS THE GREATEST EVER. I love that she now has sufficient reputation to just smile at the jocky jock and scare him off. AWESOME.

K: BAMF Buffy is the best.

Lor: Amy and Michael thank her and scurry off. Buffy spots Giles and makes for him, but is cut off by Cordelia. Cordy says that Buffy is going to have a full time job defending the witches, as everyone “knows” that they killed the kids. She also calls Michael “the poster child for yuck,” and I wish I’d heard that line before Kirsti and I went to Disney World this past weekend. We could’ve used it in our non-stop stream of #judgingyou.

K: SAD PANDA. It would have been perfect.

Sweeney: Thank you for reminding me of my all-consuming jealousy -_-

Lor: It wasn’t my intention, and I love you, but it’s pretty much worth it for one of your slanty faces.

Buffy says witches didn’t do it, which is Giles’ cue to step in and clarify that maybe they did. To confirm he needs a book that Willow borrowed and sends Buffy to retrieve it.

Buffy spots Xander and asks him where Willow is. He goes off again, about how it’s over and he doesn’t understand why people assume he knows where she is. Buffy points to Willow’s books and Xander says she’s in the bathroom. His complaint stands, though, as he says people keep expecting him to mess up and Oz keeps staring at him. “He speaks volumes with his eyes.”

Meanwhile, Buffy goes over to Willow’s books and picks one up revealing a notebook with the Triangular Mustache on it. Willow walks up and Buffy asks her about the Triangular Mustache. She tries to downplay it, but Buffy knows it’s a witch symbol, one that was found on dead children. Willow doesn’t have much time to react because we hear lockers banging.

K: I’m gonna go ahead and insert Willow’s attempt at downplaying because it’s hilarious: “A doodle. I do doodle. You too, you do doodle too!” 

Lor: Police officers are opening and searching lockers. Principal Snyder is getting his happy in all the ruckus. Our gang all stands back and watches and Amy says they are looking for witch stuff. They found her spell book and at that moment someone escorts her away. Willow’s locker is coming up and she’s got witch stuff in there too. She quickly explains to Buffy that the symbol is harmless and she used it to create a protection spell for Buffy, for her birthday. Willow’s locker is searched and Snyder comes over to lead her away. Buffy, at the last minute, not entirely discretely takes the book that Giles sent her to get.

Sweeney: This whole modern day witch hunt thing makes me all ragefacey, but was also a pretty solid choice of a plot on this show. It was something that they kind of had to do at some point. Snaps for Buffy and her not-so-sneaky book thievery.

Lor: Agreed. There have been a few story lines that really reflect real-life things in it’s Hellmouth-ness. I immediately think of the demonic, abusive boyfriend and Buffy “coming out” to her mother as a slayer. This sort of prejudice and fear of the unknown fits right at home.

Buffy heads to the Wiggins Library and we see police officers there grabbing books and boxing them. OH HELL NO. NOT THE BOOKS.

K: My inner librarian is back to panicking again. 

Lor: B says that they need them, because they are definitely missing something about the Triangular Mustache. Giles complains about Snyder, which is of course his cue to enter because this episode is all about these entrances. “I love the smell of desperate librarian in the morning,” Snyder creepies. Or maybe this was the line that spawned at least one Giles/Snyder ship.

Giles tells Snyder to get out, and take his marauders with him. We are all thinking the same thing:

Sweeney: True story.

K: I was totally going to buy a Marauder’s Map at Wizarding World of Harry Potter last week, until I found out they were $50…

Lor: Giles and Snyder sort of circle each other, and Snyder says, “just remember, lift a finger against me and you’ll have to answer to moo.” Buffy is like, “say wuh?” MOO is Mothers Opposed to the Occult. Buffy thinks it’s a lame name, because she is a little slow on the uptake. This gives Snyder the opportunity to gloat and state that it was her mother who came up with it.

Willow enters her house to find her mother examining her confiscated witchy items. Willow starts to explain but her mother cuts her off with some pedantic, psychological shit. “Identification with mythical icons is perfectly typical of your age group. It’s a classic adolescent response to the pressures of incipient adulthood.” Willow says she isn’t an age group, she’s “a Willow group” but her mother clearly thinks she is delusional.

Willow: “The last time we had a conversation over three minutes was about the patriarchal bias of the Mr. Rogers show.”
Sheila: “Well, with King Friday lording it over all the lesser puppets…”

Sweeney: Willow has a pretty awesome negligent mother. I mean, she’s unforgivably negligent, but she’s solidly entertaining.

Lor: Exactly.

Willow says her mother isn’t listening and Sheila counters that this is clearly a cry for discipline. Willow answers with a little rebellion that includes the cry: Prince of Night, I summon you! Come fill me with your black naughty evil!  This whole scene was fantastic and ends with Sheila telling her daughter she isn’t allowed to see “Bunny Summers.”

Sweeney: To be fair, Bunny Summers sounds like a future prostitute and maybe she shouldn’t be hanging out with her.

Lor: Bunny would probably hang out with Stacey McGill’s old BFF, Laine Cummings.

Cut to Joyce telling Buffy she isn’t allowed to see Willow. She’s made a makeshift office in her home and is surrounded by MOO propaganda. Buffy is complaining about the marauders taking books away, on her order, and Joyce assures her “most” of them will be returned. The non-offensive ones, apparently. Buffy is sorry Joyce is (wait for it) ruined for life (S: HEY-O!) but wants her to let B deal with it. Joyce isn’t sure Buffy’s dealing with it is making a difference, so maybe we should e-mail her a copy of our recap of The Wish.

Sweeney: So much for her reading our blog, huh?

Lor: Maybe she missed a ‘cap. We have been blogging an awful lot.

Buffy is irritated and shoots back, “maybe next time that the world is getting sucked into hell, I won’t be able to stop it, because the anti-hell-sucking book isn’t on the approved reading list!” She exits it with a little more snark, including, “nice acronym mom,” and leaves Joyce muttering to herself. We come around to see the two supposed-to-be-dead kids from earlier in the episode sitting at Joyce’s desk. The Not-Dead Children say Joyce is helping, and that she has to hurt a vaguely alluded to “them.” I feel like now that this just became Hellmouth-ish, I should apologize for yell-asking Joyce what she was doing. Then again, I’m sure I have a good yell in balance from some other time Joyce did something questionable. We’ll call it a wash.

Sweeney: SORRY I’LL NEVER BE SORRY, JOYCE.

K: Creepy small children are the WORST. Also, I feel like Joyce needs to be yelled at for coming up with that terrible acronym. 

Lor: At the merry-go-round-of-not-death, there is a small memorial set up for the children. Buffy is there and is soon joined by Angel. They embrace and Angel says he’s heard about the deaths. Buffy brings up her conversation with Joyce and Angel assures her that she was wrong. They must keep fighting and he says she taught him that that one time the sun never came out and it snowed all the magical snows. Anyways Angel blathers  about fighting for those children and their parents. Buffy has an a-ha moment.

Sweeney: Also this happens:

Lor: Wiggins Library. Giles is hilariously yelling at the computer when Oz and Xander enter-announce that the books are locked up at City Hall. Xander takes a peek at the computer. “Frisky Watcher’s Chat Room! Why, Giles!” I’m 100% sure his handle would have SEXY in it. Sorry. My love of Giles grows.

Buffy enters and wants to know what they know about the Not Dead Children. They quickly realize that there are no specifics. Not even names. Oz “links up” with a still grounded Willow who gets to her research. She finds that dating back to 1649, these two same children are reportedly murdered every 50 years, always by witches. Their names are Hans and Greta Strauss.

K: DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUN. 

Lor: Back at Willow’s, her mom busts into the room and takes away her laptop, not wanting her to communicate with her “cyber-coven.” Willow is kind of happy that this means her mom finally believes her, but things get freaky when Sheila says she’s going to “let [her] go with love.” Then things get  LOL-worthy again when her mom locks her door from the outside. Hahaha. A lock on the outside.

Sweeney: She’s the comic relief of negligent parenting.</span></p>

K: Also, Willow appears to have forgotten the fact that her bedroom has an external door through which she could leave at any time.

Lor: Giles vaguely tells us about how some people believe fairy tales are true and that some demons thrive on creating hate and chaos amongst humans. This all points to those children being the demonic versions of Hansel and Gretel. That’s a cool coincidence because Kirsti and I saw Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters this weekend too. DO NOT JUDGE US.

K: Like y’all aren’t going to go see this:

Lor: PENIS GUN. What? Sorry. Moving on.

Michael runs into the library with a bloody face and informs them that he was attacked by people talking about a trial. Amy was taken. The Scoobies run into action.

Willow hears her door unlock from the outside (hahahaha.) and gets up to see what’s going on. Sheila has a mob with her and tells Willow to get her coat. Will hesitates and Sheila screams, “get your coat, witch!” which kind of made me giggle.

At Buffy’s house, Joyce has a group of people gathered. Buffy enters with Giles and tells Joyce she has to talk to her. They start to walk but Joyce quickly moves and chloroforms her while members of her mob grab Giles and do the same. Joyce looks back and tells the Not Dead Demonic Hansel and Gretel (phew) that that was easy and they tell her to follow through and get rid of the bad people. Buffy is awake during this exchange, so I guess Joyce sucks at chloroforming people.

Sweeney: MOO really should have offered its members courses on proper chloroforming technique.

Lor: It’s the least they can do after expecting their members to wear MOO buttons.

Xander and Oz go look for Willow but she’s already  been taken. At City Hall, Buffy, Amy and Willow are tied up to wooden poles and have a mound of books around them. Buffy is still unconscious.

Back and Buffy’s house, we see someone repeatedly smacking Giles, until he comes back around. It’s Cordelia, who came looking for Buffy amidst the madness and found knocked-out Giles instead. “How many times have you been knocked out, anyway?” Sounds like a question worthy of the Snark Squad.

K: FAVOURITE CORDELIA LINE EVER.

Lor: Giles is up and off they go to help Buffy.

Xander and Oz get to City Hall but come across some menacing male members of MOO. A chase ensues.

Buffy comes to and tries to appeal to her mother, but that doesn’t work. They light the fires INDOORS and in smoke inhalation distance because these are either really dumb people or really smart, fire resistant demons. I can’t decide. Also, my initial reaction was, “OHNO. THE BOOKS.”

Sweeney: We care deeply about the books around here.

K: Inner Librarian is sobbing now. 

Lor: Amy is all, “fuck no,” and uses her “Goddess Hecate” spell to turn into a rat and scurry away. Willow tries to convince the crowd to let them go less they all become vermin, but the Not Dead Demonic Hansel and Gretel are on hand to egg on the burnings.

Giles and Cordelia are on their way to City Hall after picking up some potion ingredients. Giles is trying to remember an incantation for getting the demon in its true form and negating its influence. This is all very vague. We didn’t even get a demon name this episode and we have no idea what it’s doing to Joyce and the others and why them.

Sweeney: I had a weird dream about writing a Buffy recap. I’m not sure what this says about my relationship with this blog. ANYWAY, in my dream, my post was basically all about how even though season 3 is better about the mythology, the first three seasons are really just Joss Whedon &amp; co. using the tried-and-true Snark Squad motto “we do what we want.” Sense-making not required.

Lor: You made your dream come true! Snark Squad is so magical.

City Hall. Oz hears Willow cry for help and hops up on stuff and knocks out an air vent. Seth Green is like a sprite. Seriously, he moves with a lot of grace. Xander follows. Giles and Cordy arrive, though the door is locked. Giles grabs a pin from her hair and gets to lock picking. She says he really was “a little youthful offender,” and I love these two.

They get in just as Willow and Buffy seem resigned to their sad state. Buffy spots them and watches as Cordelia breaks the glass for the conveniently located, “in case of a witch burning” fire hose. People start toward her and she fends them off with the water, and after Buffy’s insistence, also puts out the fires. Giles is meanwhile reciting his incantation.

When he’s done, the Not Dead Demonic Hansel and Gretel hug and morph into a large, gross brown demon. Cordy rightly points out that they were better as two little kids. Buffy struggles against her bonds and manages to break the wooden pole she’s on forward. A beat and she asks if she got the demon. We pan back and see that she did indeed pierce it through the neck.

Oz and Xander come crashing through the roof. “We’re here to save you,” Oz says, looking up at the staked demon.

We wrap up at Willow’s house with her recovered witch-y stuff laid out. Buffy wants to know if her mom is okay with it, but Willow says she doesn’t know and is also exercising the selective memory popularized by Joyce Summers. Willow tries squeaks out the spell they were preparing and we see Rat Amy nearby. After the spell there are a few seconds and a few rat squeaks but no success.

Sweeney: Rat Amy has arrived!

Lor: The fact that that insinuates that Rat Amy will be around in the future makes me incredibly happy. It also means Buffy is dead on when she says, “maybe we should get her one of those wheel thingies.“

Pretty much a throw-away episode with freak of the week plot holes. I still don’t understand what the Triangular Mustache was about, and how the kids/demon knew to use it, but it’s whatevs. It was a fun episode and since the last one was super serious about itself, I didn’t mind it at all.

See you next time lovelies!

Next time on Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Buffy doesn’t take our advice and continues to have birthdays. See how this one goes in S03 E12 – Helpless.