Angel S01 E01 – The Great Contrivance Spirit

 Previously: Angel was on another show. His feels were going to drown that show, so he took them to Los Angeles, because LA has so few genuine feels that there was a feels vacuum big enough for him.
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City of

Sweeney: The title is reassuring me a teeny tiny bit, as the LA girl of the batch. I’m going to give you guys the oh-so-hilarious Snark Squad speech about how we really planned to keep this short. I laugh preemptively, because I have to start this and my Twitter bio is about how I am an uncontrollable rambler. I drank a bit to prepare myself. I am also terrified to start this series because I am a one-sided Buffy/Angel shipper in that I am cool with Buffy moving on and having a life BUT ANGEL MUST LOVE HER FOREVER AND EVER UNTIL HE BROODS TO DEATH. I’m also preemptively confused as to how they’re going to give him romantic subplots, because of the whole orgasm happiness = no-soul thing. I’m curious to see how we contrive our way around this.

K: They pretty much cover that by NO ROMANTIC SUBPLOTS ALLOWED. At least in season 1. I should also point out that I’m a little sad to be the only one who can see the future in the Angel-verse. I’ll either suck it up and deal, or become really obnoxious. Could go either way…

Lor: For the record, I sent the girls emails about keeping this shit short, and I basically got laughed at. Granted, I did just add an unnecessary 26 (27) (28) (29) (etc) words to this recap. We were doomed to fail. 

Sweeney: Now that I have shared that embarrassing confession on the courage of cheap Missouri wine, and we’ve gotten our intro nonsense out of the way, let’s begin.

Angel VOs about Los Angeles being shiny and also a total demon magnet. His coming to LA, he says, started with a girl. Then he’s at a bar drunkenly talking about a girl. A few guys and two girls are playing pool at the table behind him and when they leave, he follows them out, suddenly sober.

Naturally, the two guys are vampires.

K: I feel the need to point out that one of the vampires is Josh Holloway, aka Sawyer from Lost. 

Lor: YES. I had a freakout moment when I noticed.

Sweeney: A fight ensues, and Angel has apparently acquired some mechanical stakes that shoot out from his wrists. It’s very wolverine-esque. His vamp grill doesn’t come out until mid-fight. He stakes the vamps and the girls are super grateful. He tells them to go away and we get weird close-ups of her bloody forehead.

I guess this is for the benefit of the 8 people that would have seen this show without watching Buffy? It’s weird, given the number of times we saw him not have any problems around Buffy when she was bleeding. Am I supposed to un-know three seasons of Buffy, Joss Whedon? Regardless, the show already has an interesting tone shift from Buffy. It has a very dark-comic-book vibe. I kind of feel like I’m watching Batman.

Roll credits, which are already infinitely more boody than the Buffy credits. Lots of emotional faces and broody instruments. We also see that Cordelia will be joining him in LA.

K: I will say this for Angel – it has kickass theme music.

Lor: I was actually reminded of the Dollhouse theme music. Like if you replaced the Angel cellos of angst with breathy la-la-las. I’m going to guess this is a “just me” thing.

Sweeney: (1) I do like the music -and- (2) I listened to the Dollhouse music just to compare and I can say that yes, this seems like a fair association.

Now that Angel is in the big city, he has moved his brooding from a bungalow to what appears to be the basement of a possibly abandoned building. A guy who is clearly supposed to be a substitute for Whistler appears. I really want to call him Not Whistler, but he is one of three people deemed opening-credits-worthy, so I guess I have to acknowledge his name, which is Doyle. Also, I’d much rather look at Doyle than Whistler:

K: He’s also Irish. Rawr. 

Sweeney: With an actual Irish accent!

Doyle is half demon and half human, on his mother’s side. He knows Angel’s whole backstory and has conveniently shown up unannounced (Angel does not know him) to fill us all in. Thanks, Doyle! Just in case one of those 8 Angel-but-not-Buffy-watchers find their way here: Evilest vampire of EVA runs around killing, gets a soul, broods a lot, falls in love with Slayer, loses soul, regains soul, dies, becomes doubly undead, can’t have girl, runs to LA to brood.

He then says that he’s there to tell Angel what comes next. AND IT’S SERIOUSLY THE SAME THING AS WHEN HE MET WHISTLER. Doyle is here to shake Angel out of hiding. Also, apparently Angel hasn’t had blood since Buffy, and Doyle thinks he’s totes gonna feed on someone soon.

I get the feeling that yes, we are supposed to disregard three seasons of Buffy. Doyle goes on about giving people hope and how Angel needs to concentrate saving souls as much as lives (possibly his own). I hate Buffyverse soul discussion. It makes me want to bang my head against the wall repeatedly. Just hearing the word “soul” makes me antsy now.

Lor: SOUL SOUL SOUL SOUL SOUL INCEST.

Wait, I got confused.

Sweeney: STOP IT.

Doyle can’t tell Angel who sent him because he just gets intense migraine-visions that steer him off to do the bidding of some unknown power, which I’m just going to call The Great Contrivance Spirit. Traumaland has taught me that The Great Contrivance Spirit is truly more powerful than any of us.

K: You should probably get used to them being called The Powers That Be, because those arseholes are going to show up A LOT around here over the next five seasons. Sorry, Sweeney… That said, “The Great Contrivance Spirit” is a MUCH better name for them.

Lor: Can we compromise? The Powers That Be Contriving?

Sweeney: BEST. I’m too lazy to change the millionty times I say TGCS in this post, but I’m a fan of this.

Angel’s got “potential” as we’ve heard elsewhere in the place we’re now pretending doesn’t entirely exist and Doyle has unstated sins to atone for, which cause his migraine visions from The Great Contrivance Spirit.

Anyway, I really love Doyle already, so I’m glad I didn’t call him Not Whistler. (BUT SRSLY.) The Great Contrivance Spirit sent him vague information “TINA THE COFFEE SPOT. 5PM.” to pass on to Angel so he can get into her life. Angel’s all, “WUT? HOW?” and Doyle’s all “HIGH SCHOOL’S OVER” REFERENCE. HA! ‘CAUSE BUFFY? Never mind. The actual best is when Angel doesn’t understand why a woman he’s never met would even talk to him. “Have you looked in the mirror lately?” asks Doyle. Word. Except, you know. He can’t.

It gets awkward because Angel has been too busy brooding and also being a vampire for mirrors and also he’s not good with people because he wants to eat them. Still, he can’t pass up on commands to do The Right Thing, so he’s game.

I forgot to mention that we jump between scenes with this weird flash of frames that you can’t quite make out. They’re mildly seizure-inducing, and also add to that comic book superhero feel.

K: Ugh, I HATE the seizure-inducing frame flash thing. Just cut like normal people, dammit! 

Sweeney: We seizure-jump to Angel sitting at The Coffee Spot, where Tina is arriving at work, asking her boss for more hours and generally being busy at work. Angel tries to make small talk about a cute dog and she ignores him and it’s hilariously adorable. He also uses his super vamp reflexes to catch a cup of coffee that Tina knocked over when she tried to respond to his creeper comments.

Then he basically outs himself as a stalker. Tina doesn’t immediately tell him to GTFO for being a stalker and instead agrees to meet him when she gets off work at 10. Angel waits by his car and she comes out super dressed up in a tight black dress and she gets in his face with something that makes me think of the mind-eraser gadget in Men In Black. I think it’s probably just pepper spray, though.

K: Seriously, Angel. WTF did you expect?! 

Sweeney: She thinks he was sent by someone named Russell, but Angel does not know said person and endears himself to her by saying that he just assumed they were mutual-lonely-people. Still slightly creepy, but Tina takes it.

Lor: I laugh and laugh because she suspected Angel of being some nefarious henchmen, and then invited him to meet her at night in a dark alley. Oh, but she had pepper spray, so it’s cool.

Sweeney: Tina doesn’t want his help, though, and really just wants to go back to MISSOULA, MONTANA, which I allcaps because it has no actual significance to me other than being the home of Hank Green.

K: I too had a MISSOULA!!! reaction to that. Much like I flailed with excitement when someone from Missoula spent half an hour on my blog a couple of weeks ago. According to my personal (and slightly delusional) head canon, it was Hank Green.

Sweeney: Awkwardly, he says he was there during The Depression. “Uh. My depression. I was depressed there,” he covers. Womp.

She wanted to be an actress but it didn’t work out. She’s got a Hollywood party to go to, and he offers her a ride, which she accepts.

Seizure-jump to the party which doesn’t look that fun. It’s hilarious, though, how every single person at this party comments on Angel’s attractiveness. They’re not wrong.

And then we hear a familiar voice talking about her actress struggles, and why yes, it is Cordelia Chase. Her hair is awful. The matted-down, stick-straight center-part is way unfortunate. She and Angel have a goofy little reunion. She’s now acting and living in Malibu and he is, in fact, still a vampire, but not there to bite people.

Cordelia goes off to meet people who “are somebody.” Later, Angel spots Tina talking to a seedy guy, after she has been evading all of his questions about who Russell is. That guy is Stacy, who she insists is just a creep. She just wants to go.

As they go to leave the elevator, however, they are attacked by Creepy Stacy and some men. Creepy Stacy and one of his men manage to get Tina away from Angel and into a car. Angel finally follows and tries to jump into his car, except it’s not his — someone else has the same car. I am surprised by how funny this show is. I did not expect my broody ’90s TV boyfriend to be this hilarious.

K: I feel the need to point out at this point that Angel drives a black convertible. I started out all “Seriously? A vampire in LA with a convertible? LOL. MOST IMPRACTICAL CAR EVER.” But it allows him to get around that pesky door opening thing and just jump into the driver’s seat, which I guess helps out with saving people?? I’ll give him a pass this time, is what I’m saying.

Lor: The only reason to have a convertible on TV is to bypass opening doors. Or, I guess also for hair blowing in the wind to signify big life transitions. Angel doesn’t have that much hair and he uses a lot of gel.

Sweeney: Angel gets in his actual car and a car chase ensues and ends in a crash. Angel takes the gun from the second guy and points it at Creepy Stacy before punches him in the face instead. He and Tina ride off.

Elsewhere, in a shitty rundown studio that is not the fabulous Malibu living that Cordelia pretended to have, she is listening to a voicemail from her manager, who is having a hard time getting her auditions.

Back in Angel’s basement, he’s making tea for Tina. She then expects Angel to try to “comfort” her because he’s “earned it” and then starts crying when he tells her that she’s had more than enough people taking advantage of her. He just wants to know more about Russell. “He likes pain. He really likes it. He talks about it like it’s a friend of his. And you don’t leave him. He tells you when he’s had enough.” CHRISTIAN GREY. GUYS. WE DON’T WANT TO REFERENCE FIFTY SHADES IN EVERY OTHER POST BUT WE CAN’T FUCKING HELP IT.

K: Ugh. Will that arsehole EVER leave us alone? 

Lor: My notes at this point stop being notes and start being where I stabbed the paper and smeared it with the tears of being ruined for life.

Sweeney: RUINED. FOR. LIFE.

Once she falls asleep, he invades her privacy and snoops through her planner-date-book-thing. Seizure-cut to the Los Angeles Public Library where he’s doing some investigation of Denise. Seizure-cut to his apartment where Tina is having a nightmare.

Tina wakes up and Angel tells her that her friend Denise (Russell Christian Grey’s GSP) is dead. Then Tina sees the little post-it from Doyle and accuses Angel of working for Russell and runs off. Angel chases her, but RUH-ROH, it’s daylight! His arm bursts into flames and he vamps out. She leaves.

Lor: Like, instantly bursts into flames. INSTANTLY. My list is now: SOULS, SUNLIGHT, INCEST.

Sweeney: In her apartment she’s packing her shit when Russell Christian Grey enternounces that HE OWNS THE BUILDING. HE OWNS MOST OF THE BLOCK. I can’t even.

She points a gun at him and tries to confront him about Denise, but he manipulates her out of it and she tells him about Angel — specifically the fact that he “turned into something. It was the most horrible thing I’ve ever seen.” Then Russell Christian Grey vamps out and eats her.

K: Nice work on saving the damsel in distress, Angel.

Lor: This bitch died and Ana is still alive. What. the. eff.

Sweeney: Traumaland is fundamentally unfair.

Later, Angel bursts into Tina’s apartment and finds her dead. Police come. We get him Batman-like brooding from a nearby rooftop before he jumps down to get to work.

He returns to his apartment with Doyle, filling him in on all the details about Stacy and the cars and Russell. Doyle is trying to make Angel get feelingsy. “I don’t want to share my feelings. I want to find the guy that killed Tina and I want to look him in the eye. Then I’m gonna share my feelings.”

We jump to a mega mansion that looks like it was made of money stacked on money. Inside, Russell is watching video of Tina, like a fucking creeper, while a guy stands behind him an explains that Wolfram & Hart, his lawyers, have taken care of everything, because they clearly deal in shady demon things.

K: The guy from Wolfram & Hart is named Lindsey. You should probably remember that. He’ll be around for a while… 

Sweeney: Then his video, taken the night of the party, cuts to Cordelia. Russell Christian Grey gets excited because this one isn’t “another long-term investment” so much as insta-noms.

Lor: Damn, Cordy can’t even land long-term-investment noms. Life is rough.

Sweeney: Seizure-cut to Angel busting in on Stacy. He attacks him for information, and saves time by admitting to knowing the vampire secret. This conversation isn’t actually productive. It just serves as transition fodder, when Angel says he’s not afraid of Russell Christian Grey because there’s nobody left that he cares about and we segue-magic to Cordelia. LOL, K.

Lor: This is going to be weird.

Sweeney: My feels have already been expressed.

Cordelia’s meditating to distract herself from how miserable her life is. She answers the phone and it’s Margo, who threw the party and it’s implied that she hired Cordelia to be there. Margo is calling to tell Cordelia that Russell Winters, epic investment guy who  magics careers into existence, wants to meet with her. Tonight. He’s sending a limo at 8.

Angel is stocking up on supplies and Doyle says he’s really going to war. Angel is unintentionally hilarious as he says he’s seen 14 wars, not counting Vietnam, as it was never declared.

Back at Stalker McMansion, Russell sends his minion away and Cordelia reveals herself  to be the helpless-lonely-just-his-type-girl that’s gonna get eaten.

Angel punches out a security guard and tells Doyle that he’s out in ten or he’s not coming out. I always hate when shows/movies do this. SOMETIMES SHIT HAPPENS. WHAT IF IT TAKES ELEVEN OR TWELVE MINUTES?

K: SRSLY. Are you supposed to sit there with a stopwatch running and leave exactly on the ten minute mark? Plus, they didn’t even synchronise their watches first…

Sweeney: An egregious oversight.

Cordelia then unloads her feels, which OMG that’s just how you get yourself killed way faster. But then she reveals how useful her friendship with Buffy was. She gets up to look for a mirror to clean her face with and notes, out loud, that the place has no mirrors and dark curtains and realizes that he’s a vampire and it’s fantastic.

K: I love this moment. It’s so Sunnydale Cordy, with the rambling about her own problems for hours and then REALISATION!!!

Lor: I love that even in her single-minded Cordy-ness, she’s still from Sunnydale and that means something. Best.

Sweeney: This realization means it is now time for a series of quick cuts between Angel’s break-in and Cordelia’s attempted escape. Angel blows the fuse and emerges from the shadows right as Russell is about to bite her.

Cordelia gets really excited when she sees that Russell Christian Grey doesn’t know who Angel is, which is going to lead to ass-kicking. Except that it does not. More guys appear with guns, so Angel has to grab Cordelia and run.

She and Doyle are cleaning up Angel’s bullet wounds and she thinks that all is well, but they’re all, “UH, NOPE.” Because duh.

The next day, Russell Christian Grey is having a business meeting in a room that appears to have a giant floor-to-ceiling window in the middle of the day, which makes zero sense for vampires, in the day time, but The Great Contrivance Spirit says it’s all good, so whatever.

Also, it conveniently allows for Angel to have a BAMF moment. (Lor: But also, how the hell is he traveling around during the day?) (S: He seems to know the sewers pretty well, as that is how he returned to his basement apartment before he scared Tina off.) Russell Christian Grey gives a grossly entitled speech, to which Angel asks if he can fly, and then kicks his rolly chair out the window. It’s another one of those Vampire Deaths Are Inconsistent moments, because he burns for a while on his way down, but ultimately the chair lands empty.

As soon as Angel leaves, the guy from Wolfram & Hart that we met earlier calls for an inter-office meeting about “a new player in town” though it’s not YET serious enough to worry the senior partners with.

Back in the Brooding Basement, Angel stares at the phone for a while before he picks it up and makes a call. BUFFY. THE NO-RESPONSE CALL FROM EARLIER! CROSS-OVER MAGIC. That’s awesome. Sorry, I’m more excited about this than I reasonably should be.

K: It’s okay, Sweeney. Even Team Heartless Cow did some excited flailing over this moment.

Sweeney: Doyle shows up and interrupts Angel to say that Cordelia is upstairs all excited. Then she screams and they go upstairs. AND OMG WHY IS THERE SO MUCH SUNLIGHT? I am so annoyed with this.

K: It would appear that Angel the Series marks the moment where Whedon decided that vampires could do shit during the day provided they didn’t actually stand IN A SUNBEAM. It’s annoying, but at least it’s mostly consistent from this point on??

Lor: Fuck that shit forever.

Sweeney: Anyway, Cordelia was freaking out about a bug. That aside, she starts talking about how they should commercialize Angel’s humanizing venture, which she has learned about from Doyle, of course. Basically, any rich people they help should have to pay. Sure. Whatever.

Doyle approves of enlisting Cordelia because she’s kind of the anti-brood. Angel agrees that yes, they’ll be an evil fighting trio, and we cut to him standing on top of a building and random night shots of LA, completing the West Coast Batman vibe.

 

Next time on Angel: Angel hits up the club scene, which, believe it or not has a demon problem in S01 E02 – Lonely Hearts.