Previously: Yara tells Theon what an idiot he’s been, Robb and Lady Talisa forsake some honor (if you know what I mean), Lady Cat secretly releases Jaime, we learn Bran and Rickon aren’t actually charcoal and Arya manage to escape Harrenhal.
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Blackwater
Lorraine: Two things before we start: (1) The last few episodes have been stressing me out big time. (2) I’M SO EXCITED.
I know these seem like contradicting emotions and they pretty much are, because it’s hard being me. But mostly, I’m stressed out for the finale and wars and people dying and shit, but excited because these posts have become a countdown for me and I can’t wait to start watching/posting real time. I bet you guys are going to be the best TV watching buddies ever.
Sweeney: We blog because we want TV watching buddies.
Lor: Obviously.
Nothing new to report in the opening credits as we will be in or around King’s Landing, Harrenhal, Pyke, Winterfell, The Wall, and Qarth. (ETA: This is all a lie. We stay in King’s Landing the whole episode.)
Sweeney: I’m glad I get to start this episode already feeling deceived. That’s probably a good way to approach King’s Landing anyway.
Lor: We start on one of Stannis’s ships as Davos looks out onto the other ships and men either do ship-y things or stand around waiting to get their war on. Down below, one guy pukes probably because he doesn’t know how to handle being stressed and excited at the same time. Apparently, he’s not the only one either because the barrel he pukes in overflows. EW.
Davos and his son Matthos, who I remember as being super enthusiastic about the Lord of Light, are talking about arriving in King’s Landing. Soon, Matthos says, Stannis will be king and Davos will wear his BFF pin and be the hand. “Gods be good,” Davos says and this is an opportunity for Matthos to remind us that his lord is totes the best and will watch over everyone. What this all means is that Matthos is confident in their many more ships, bigger army and lord who produces light, while Davos is more cautious.
Sweeney: Mostly the guy with the light, I gather.
Lor: Tyrion Lannister is in bed with Shae and she asks him if he’s stressed and excited. MOSTLY KIDDING. She asks if he’s afraid, and he is, because of the war and all. Shae offers to protect him, but he says this isn’t her war. She insists, though, and we know because she straddles him and the music gets really emotional. She reminds him of the first day they met, and how he asked her to make love to him like it was his last day on this Earth. Smooch.
Elsewhere, Maester Pycell is offering Cersei some wartime advice, but she’s all about getting to the point: Pycell has brought her Essence of Nightshade. One drop is like a nice cup of wine, helping ragged nerves. Three drops is like a nice bottle of wine, putting you into a deep sleep. 10 drops is like, and here Cersei cuts him off and says she knows that 10 drops is more like 10 bottles of wine, in so much that it will kill you. None of this wine stuff was in the actual scene. I just wanted to help you understand. Cersei dismisses him and fondles her little bottle of Nightshade.
Sweeney: I appreciate your clarification. I speak wine. That makes perfect sense to me.
Lor: Well, clearly “I speak wine” needs to be put on a t-shirt immediately.
Bronn leads a group of soldiers in a song. When they finish singing, one of the soldiers asks Bronn where he learned the Lannister song and the reply is, “drunk Lannisters.” My reply is more, “what they have a song too?!”
I bet the Stark song, entitled (and come on, you see this coming) “DIREBOSS.” is a gangsta rap.
Sweeney: SOMEONE MAKE THIS HAPPEN AND BECOME MY NEW BEST FRIEND FOREVER.
Lor: Ahem, SECOND best friend, clearly.
The soldiers are joined in this room by whores. I’m not being judgey, I just recognize the one that is with Bronn as one of Littlefinger’s girls. She asks Bronn how many times he’s broken his nose and as he goes into the stories, he undresses her. She feels bad for his nose but he tells her not to; “He’ll be halfway up your ass before the night’s through.” Hearty, drunk soldier laughter all around.
The Hound comes in and pretty much sucks all the laughter out of the room. Probably out of the whole city. He takes a seat at a table directly across from Bronn, who offers him a round of ale. The Hound asks if Bronn thinks he’s a hard man. This allows Bronn to joke that YEAH HE IS, as he still has a naked lady sitting on his lap. This naked lady sits on his lap the entire scene, FYI. The season’s almost over and they’ve got to use the entire boobie budget. Waste not, lots of boobies. Something like that.
Sweeney: That’s HBO’s unofficial motto.
Lor: In a speech that reminds me of his speech to Sansa, The Hound says that even though Bronn likes fucking and drinking and singing, he loves killing. “Killing’s the thing you love. You’re just like me. Only smaller.” Then The Hound stands up so they can stand shoulder to shoulder and see who is really taller! Okay, no. He stands up to stress me out as The Hound says that Tyrion will miss Bronn, and Bronn’s all, “not today!” as he grabs hold of his knife. They stare each other down.
In the middle of their staring contest, bells start to ring and the soldiers all scurry. These are bad bells. These are war is coming bells. Left alone in the room, Bronn asks if they should have “one more drink before the war.” The Hound stares at him for a few more beats, and it took me a rewind to be sure, but he offers Bronn a smile. Like 37% of a smile.
Sweeney: That’s a rare and impressive thing! Congrats on winning that 37% smile, Bronn!
Lor: Varys stares out a window and declares his hate for bells, which announce horrors like dead kings, sieges, and weddings. Tyrion is being dressed in his armor by his squire who is apparently named Podrick. Varys asks if Tyrion trusts Podrick, and he does, so Varys whips out a map of King’s Landing’s 50 miles of underground tunnels, convenient for withstanding a siege or escape. Varys knows that Stannis is in cahoots with the Creepy Red Lady, but Tyrion is skeptical, all of a sudden, though he seemed to believe Lord Commander Mormont about the White Walkers. Plus, he once saw a full grown boy still breastfeeding from his crazy mama. I would believe any and all deadly magicks after that.
Sweeney: Varys explains Tyrion’s mixed acceptance of MAGICKS quite well: “I think you believe in what you’ve seen and you believe in what those you trust have seen.” During the bit where he was the only one at the table willing to believe the White Walker story, he did so by emphasizing his faith in Commander Mormont. The story of the Red Lady and her magic vagina are being passed through hearsay from strangers. Varys adds that Tyrion doesn’t entirely trust him.
Lor: Excellent point and definitely more in line with what we know of Tyrion.
Anyways, Varys has seen dark things and believes in dark things and does this really annoying, “have I ever told you how I was cut? No? NOT TODAY SUCKER” thing.
Davos and Matthos hear the bells on their boat. Davos wants to make it a dance party and orders the playing of the war drums. Imagine being the drum guy on the ship. Best job on the ship or best job on the ship?
Sweeney: BEST JOB ON THE SHIP!
Lor: Tyrion is going over war plans with Bronn who knows all these plans already. Bronn asks if Tyrion even knows how to use the axe he’s holding and the best he can offer is that he once watched Jaime chop some wood. Bronn reminds him, and us, that Tyrion once smashed a guy to death with a shield, so he should be able to handle an axe. They shake hands and Bronn tells him not to get killed. Tyrion: Nor you my friend. AW. It’s too bad there isn’t a secondary BFF pin they could exchange as they realize they are friends, even though Tyrion pays him.
Sweeney: I’d like to be someone’s paid BFF. How do I get that gig? I’m a really good BFF; I have references and everything!
Lor: WTF? Second time this post, Sweeney. I wish I’d given you a Bloggy BFF pin, so I could take it back. Also, I’m not paying you.
Sansa and Shae walk into the throne room. Tyrion approaches them and calls Shae “Sheila” because he’s a good pretender. He wonders at Sansa not being with the other highborn ladies at Maegor’s Holdfast and she replies that Joffrey has asked for her to see him off.
And here comes the Tremendodouche flanked by The Hound and some others. Joffrey calls Sansa and she starts toward him, but turns back to tell Tyrion that she will pray for his safe return. He’s all, “really??” and she replies, “Just as a I pray for the king’s.” BAM. She delivers it with equal parts stone face and underlying malice, I swear. Everyone join me in the DIREBOSS RAP. Wait, I’m getting ahead of myself.
Sweeney: At first I thought you kept the gifed exchange and left this out, and I was going to be all, “LOR, WUT?” But you are better than that. Anyway, this line = AWESOME. This is why it was so weird to go back and remember how majorly annoying she was in the first few episodes, because obviously I fucking love her now. I think I appreciate her all the more for the fact that she’s gotten to grow so much over the course of the series.
Also, again, LET’S MAKE THIS DIREBOSS RAP HAPPEN.
Lor: Joffrey tells Sansa that he’s off to the battle with his new sword, Hearteater. He tells her to kiss the blade and I swear for the five seconds between when he tells her to and when she actually puckers up and does, this is my brain: HO NO, HE’S GOING TO SLICE OFF HER LIPS. OR POKE HER. OR IT’S POISONED STEEL. DON’T DO IT. NO STOP. EW, NO. DANGER.
See? STRESS.
She kisses it though, and besides being awkward, it’s harmless. Joffrey douches about how she’ll kiss it again when he returns and she will taste his uncle’s blood. Sansa not-innocently asks if Joffrey will kill Stannis himself, and Joffrey stammers that he will if Stannis happens to be anywhere near him. She asks if he’ll fight outside of the walls of the city. He tantrums that he’s not going to discuss his battle plans with a stupid girl. Sansa agrees that, wow, she really is stupid as of course Joffrey will fight in the vanguard, as he brother Robb always does, and he’s only a pretender. Joffrey says that Robb is next and she’ll taste his blood too. He stalks off and Sansa rejoins Shae who notes that not all of his men will make it back. Sansa knows that Joffrey will, though. “The worst ones always live.”
As much as I think she’s crazy and brilliant for riling him up in her own subtle way, it’s heartbreaking to see how jaded she’s become.
Sweeney: I love and stand by our emo-glasses-wearing-heart as the Team Feels mascot, but Sansa is basically our unofficial mascot, because her whole story is just drenched in feels.
Lor: People and horses are running around the streets of King’s Landing as Joffrey walks with his men to the battlements. Tyrion is there, looking out toward Stannis’s ships. When Joffrey and the Douche Guard arrive, Lancel Lannister (who is among them) wonders where their fleet is. Tyrion says they are on their way. Joffrey asks why they aren’t there yet and Tyrion says nothing. Joffrey tells The Hound to tell Tyrion that he (Joffrey) asked him a question. “The King has asked you a question,” The Hound says with like a 43% eye roll. For real.
Tyrion tells Lancel to tell The Hound to tell the King that the Hand is busy. Lancel actually starts to relay the message, and even though I wish we could play this game forever, Joffrey interrupts with a threat to cut Tyrion in half. But that would make him the quarter man, which isn’t nearly as catchy. Anyways, Tyrion is the only one here with a plan, so Joffrey needs to STFU.
Cersei enters Maegor’s Holdfast wearing some sort of metal bustier. It’s haute war couture. Sansa is whispering to Shae that she doesn’t even know why Cersei keeps her around. Shae suggests both that maybe Cersei hates her less than she hates everyone else and that Cersei is jealous.
Sweeney: Shae is wise, as those are probably both accurate assessments.
Lor: Agreed.
On cue, Cersei calls Sansa to her. She asks if her “red flower is still blooming” and Sansa wants to punch her in the face. I’m guessing because she just answers in the affirmative. Cersei thinks it’s appropriate that men will bleed outside and she will be bleeding here in the Holdfast. Cersei orders a Big Ass Goblet of Wi… WAIT. THE ESSENCE OF WHATEVER? I’M TOO STRESSED TO GO BACK AND LOOK UP WHAT IT WAS CALLED. OH NO. NOW I HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THIS.
Sweeney: I’m not looking forward to going back to not knowing the future. It sounds terrifying.
Lor: It honestly is.
Sansa fiddles with her maybe-cup-of-death and asks what Ser Ilyn is doing with them, as standing a few feet away from the man who swung the sword that decapitated your father must be terrible. Cersei offers that he’s there to protect them, but after a report that some servants have been caught trying to run away with stolen goods, Cersei sends him to collect their heads. Sansa thought he was there to protect them and Cersei says he is, as traitors are the worst kind of danger. Then she asks for more wine, which, we’ve already used this gif way before we decided to cover GoT. Because more wine is the best, UNLESS IT IS SPIKED WITH ESSENCE OF DEATH.
Outside, Joffrey, the Douche Guard and Tyrion are still standing on the wall, looking out to sea. Joffrey is the first one to spot Stannis’s ships through the fog. Tyrion gives the order for the archers to nock their arrows, which is a term I learned this episode.
Joffrey starts having a titty-attack both when Tyrion tells the archers to hold fast and when he notices that there is only one ship going out to meet Stannis’s fleet.
Matthos notices the single ship too, and Davos orders his arches to nock their arrows but hold their fire. At the wall, the creepy alchemist who originally educated Tyrion in the ways of wildfire brings him a torch. The empty ship sails on, and as it goes by, Davos notes that it’s leaking a green substance he immediately identifies as wildfire. He yells for everyone to steer clear, but I don’t think there is a ton of reaction time. Tyrion throws his torch into the air.
Down near the water, Bronn sees the signal. He lights the tip of his arrow and shoots it. We watch it sail a considerable distance before it strikes the pool of wildfire, which catches. Davos yells for Matthos to get down, and well, I suppose he does, as does everyone else as there is an explosion and the ship is destroyed. At the wall, as the explosions continue, Tyrion and Joffrey look away, though The Hound barely flinches.
Lor: Absolutely. There were many pretty moments in this episode, which is a considerable achievement in a episode full of gross war things.
Stannis doesn’t seem particularly fazed by all the men being burned alive right now. It’s really disturbing me to be honest. He tells his men to prepare to land, though one soldier doesn’t seem to like this plan at all. He asks Stannis how many men will die and the reply is essentially, “thousands. Let’s get to it!”
Maegor’s Holdfast. Sansa is praying with a small group and Cersei is still drinking that wine so I’m feeling less scared of it. The Essence of Someshit has not yet struck. Cersei asks what Sansa is doing. Why, praying, of course. Cersei: You’re perfect, aren’t you? It’s such a loaded thing for Cersei to say. It’s on the heels of Shae’s jealous observation, but she’s also drunk and probably mocking her.
Sansa replies that she was praying for the gods to have mercy on everyone and Cersei asks if that includes her. Sansa smiles her, “of course,” but when Cersei asks, “even Joffrey,” it takes her a second to pull up her practiced Joffrey-loving speech. She’s only a couple of words into it before Cersei tells her to shut up.
Sweeney: As much as they hurt my feels, I lovelovelove Sansa/Cersei scenes. Maybe this makes me a glutton for punishment, but I JUST LOVE THESE SCENES.
Lor: They keep getting better/worse.
Cersei says she once prayed to the gods so that they would bring back her dead mother, but her father Tywin taught her that the gods don’t have mercy. Cersei gives Sansa more wine and tells her to quit with the pansy sips and drink.
“I should have been born a man. I’d rather face a thousand swords than be shut up inside with this flock of frightened hens.”
Sansa is all, “bitch. We don’t want to be here either. You are the one who told us to be here!” It was expected of her as queen, Cersei says. When all these frightened hens return to their cocks (her words, not mine) they will speak of how brave and inspiring the Queen was. I’m guessing they will more talk about how schwasted she was while they were trying to pray. If the city falls, she claims she will surrender to Stannis personally, though she knows seducing him is not likely, on account of she doesn’t wear a lot of red or produce shadowy creatures by way of magic vag. Anyways, she continues her education:
The little shoulder/chest thrust she gives is absolutely hilar and Cersei should be drunk more.
Sweeney: Truth. Drunk!Cersei is fabulous. Still batshit, but fabulous.
Lor: Except that I now want to take that back a little because she scares Sansa by telling her that when a city is sacked the women get raped indiscriminately and Sansa may be thankful that her “red flower” will mean less chance of a bastard baby. Sansa chugs her wine because shit just got real.
Stannis and his men are rowing their way to shore and Joffrey is panicking. Tyrion wants to make it rain (fire) on these bitches and also orders The Hound to lead a “welcome party” for any soldiers that reach solid ground. The Hound sets off to gather men and also Lancel. He also threatens an archer to keep the fire away from him, and this is the second reminder this episode that he really hates fire, as one would if half of their face were melted off. The archers light and release their arrows as Stannis’s men storm the shore. Lots of men go down but a better portion make it to the wall. From above, Joffrey’s men start throwing large rocks down on them. We see one destroy the head of the soldier next to Stannis. BRB. Throwing up forever. Stannis orders his men to the Mud Gate.
The Hound and his men are rushing out of said gate, and he yells, “Any man dies with a clean sword, I’ll rape his fucking corpse!” That’s a pretty ineffective threat if you ask me, because um, who cares, I’m dead and you’re the one raping a corpse. Weirdo. Although, to be fair, I’m pretty sure when Yoren yelled something similar to this, I laughed. It was probably because I suspected Yoren was going to die. It was a pity laugh.
We get a bit of fighting that generally shows things not going well for the King’s Landing soldiers. Well, except for The Hound who is over here straight chopping bodies in half. Lancel gets shot in the shoulder with an arrow, which makes him go, “fuck this!” and run back inside.
Sweeney: My thoughts exactly, Lancel.
Lor: Back to Cersei who is telling Sansa that when they were young, she and Jaime looked so much alike that not even their father could tell them apart. Sorry I’m not sorry: EW. (S: +1) Jaime got to learn how to fight and she had to learn how to smile. This, while also giving us more insight into Cersei and how she views herself and the limits she faces as a woman in Westeros, also reminds me of the opening scenes back in the pilot, with Sansa sewing and Arya running around with her bow and arrow. People are built how they are built regardless of gender and there is more than one way to be a warrior.
Cersei continues that Jaime was groomed to inherit Casterly Rock and she was sold to Robert Baratheon like a horse to be “ridden whenever he wanted.”
At this point, Cersei notices Shae as someone she doesn’t know. Shae performs a terrible curtsey which leads Cersei to ask her how long she’s been in Sansa’s service. “A few weeks, ” is the answer. Cersei recognizes her accent as Lorathi, as she once had a Lorathi handmaiden who was a noble woman’s daughter. Shae, she summizes, is not because she can’t curtsey worth a damn. After Cersei probes a little more, she demands a story from Shae who is clearly freaking out. She starts bs’ing one but is conveniently interrupted by Lancel running in with news. The river is on fire and, you know, war and stuff! Cersei asks where Joffrey is and is informed that he is still on the battlements with Tyrion. Cersei wants him escorted to his chambers right away, though Lancel protests that the king’s presence is necessary for morale. Cersei don’t care and Lancel runs off to do what he was asked. Cersei sits and has more wine and confesses that Ser Ilyn is actually there to kill the ladies if it looks like they are about to be raped.
Outside there is more fighting. The Hound appears to still be doing well, but a man on fire is running toward him and he freezes in the face of his legit childhood trauma. The man on fire is shot through the head with an arrow, and we see that it was Bronn. The Hound is still disoriented and everything is on fire, so he staggers back inside the gates and his men follow.
Stannis is putting up ladders against the battlements and climbing up.
The Hound asks for a drink and they bring him water when LOL. Obviously not. He’s offered wine and that’s more like it. Tyrion is on hand to snarkily ask if he’d also like raspberries seeing as he is on the wrong side of the gate. The Hound doesn’t think so as half his men are dead and the Blackwater is on fire. This seems like a really inappropriate time and place to hand out a gold star, but I can’t help it! He said the episode title!
Sweeney: Rules are rules. Appropriateness be damned! Also, The Hound doesn’t seem like he’s received many sparkly gold stars in his day. Not that I suspect he wants them, but, you know, WHATEVER.
Lor: Joffrey squeals at The Hound to go back out there and fight. He lowers his head and considers this. Tyrion takes a softer, more honor-bound approach and tells him he’s Kingsguard and must fight to protect the city, his king’s city. The Hound: Fuck the Kingsguard, fuck the city, fuck the king.
YEP. I mean, so much YEP we need a gif:
YEP.
Sweeney: BEST.
Lor: Outside, Stannis’s men have a battering ram which will forever and ever remind me of Beauty and the Beast. This battering ram appears to be shaped like a stag on one end. Baratheon knocking on your door.
Lancel comes over to tell Joffrey that Cersei has asked for him. Tyrion tries to advise him to stay and lead his people, and he appears to consider it for a moment, but he apparently has adopted The Hound’s “fuck the city! Fuck the king!” motto and is going to run away too. Less appealing when he does it, though, because he is the king.
Stannis and some of his men have made it to the top of the wall and meanwhile, the King’s Landing soldiers wonder where the king went and who will lead them. Tyrion decides he will lead them but has a hard time getting their attention, as it seems they’ve mostly given up. Thankfully, Tyrion is a nobleman and had those handy speech-making-classes. This one is a good one:
This is a lot of gif action, but I’m sorry, you need to relive/see this:
Back in her room, Sansa bolts the door, the sounds of battle clearly heard. She spots the doll her father gave her as a “sorry your direwolf is dead” gift and smiles at it sadly. She’s interrupted by The Hound who is actually hiding in her room. This is probably equal parts sweet and creepy. She wants to know what he’s doing in there and he claims he won’t be there for long, as he’s going some place that isn’t burning. He offers to take her north, to take her home where she will be safe but Sansa declines. She says she will be safe where she is, as Stannis won’t hurt her. The Hound rather brutishly demands that she look at him. Stannis is a killer, he says, as are the Lannisters as was her father, as is her brother as her sons will one day be. The world is built by killers and she might as well get used to looking at them. Sansa steels herself and says that he won’t hurt her. The Hound: “No little bird, I won’t hurt you.” Aw. We watch from behind Sansa as The Hound unlocks the door and starts to leave. The doll she is holding falls into the frame and I want her to run away with him.
Sweeney: RIGHT? GO SANSA, GO! GET OUT.
Lor: Tyrion and the soldiers make their way out of a tunnel as Stannis’s men are still trying to break down the door. One soldier is yelling for them to hurry up and Tyrion sneaks up behind him and chops his leg off. The music triumphantly swells as Tyrion and his men pretty easily overcome Stannis’s troops. They start chanting, “Halfman! Halfman! Halfman!” but we still have six minutes of episode.
Tyrion realizes this as he sees a lot more of Stannis’s men approaching. “Oh, fuck me,” Tyrion says and the armies do more of their fighting stuff. On top of the wall, Stannis is making his way through men and chops a guy’s head off.
Down below, Tyrion is fighting but not fairing well. His attacker swings his sword and in a impressive shot, there is a second before it’s clear the attacker has sliced Tyrion’s face across. The cut bleeds and Tyrion wobbles as Podrick comes to his rescue and runs the attacker through. Tyrion falls and Podrick is there to hold him.
Cersei is on the Iron Throne, and yes, of course she is. Everyone is out there fighting and here she sits with Tommen on her lap. She wants to tell Tommen the story of the mother lion and baby cub who lived in the Kingswood, surrounded by other evil things like stags and wolves. Tommen isn’t hip to the symbolism yet, so he wonders at the lion being innocent and the stag being evil.
Sweeney: Also, Tommen has been raised to believe himself to be a stag. Not sure if he’s hip that misinformation yet either.
Lor: Another excellent point.
Outside, Tyrion is still woozy but he sees riders approaching, ones with a lion banner. Cersei continues that all of the other animals will come and bow to the lion and place a crown on its head. We see her unstopper the Essence of Oh There It is. She promises to keep Tommen safe and puts the poison up to his lips. But then! The door to the throne room is opened and soldiers walk in. The first we see removing his helmet is LORAS TYRELL.
Back at the wall, Stannis sees his men retreating and he’s pissed. Two soldiers grab him and pull him back, kicking and screaming.
In the throne room, Tywin Lannister makes his way through the soldiers. Cersei is pleased to see her father and drops her bottle of Nightshade. Tywin announces that the battle is over and that they have won. Cersei hugs Tommen and I am so filled with feelings of victory I momentarily forget I don’t even want the Lannisters to win! I mean, MAYBE I DO?
I DON’T KNOW, GUYS.
Sweeney: THIS SHOW MESSES WITH MY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS SO OFTEN. NOT ONLY DO I NOT KNOW WHO TO TRUST, BUT I ALSO DON’T WHAT I EVEN THINK/WANT/FEEL.
Lor: Glad I’m not the only one.
Things are further complicated for my stressed and excited heart when the closing credits roll with the Lannister song played in the background, which the Internet tells me is performed by The National. It’s pretty fantastic.
And so was this episode.
ONE MORE TO GO.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
