Dear Traumateers,
Sweeney: First, happy Easter if you celebrate. Happy Colorful Chocolate Day to everyone else. Enjoy.
Lorraine: “Enjoy.” Now forever said with a Cersei-like bow and offering of wine.
Sweeney: Obviously.
Second, it seems like there is less to say by way of introduction to this newsletter-esque post this month. We still have a thousand big exciting plans brewing, but we have started to really find a rhythm that works for us here at our digital Snark HQ. Whereas we used to have lots to say about all of our trial & error, it seems like all we have to say now is, “Welp, we post things, and it’s going well!” I’m excited about that. I moved halfway across the country (again) this month and we managed to stay relatively on our game in spite of me being impossible. We have long known that the only way to cover all the things we want to cover would be branching out to two-a-day posts, and we’ve managed to do that and nobody seems ready to die/quit yet. I declare that a success.
Lor: Absolutely. Any experiment that goes, “lets see if we die!” and then in the end you don’t actually die is winning.
Last Month:
Sweeney: We began the month in Sunnydale with Team Feels sobbing over Buffy’s prom and Class Protector title, the mayor stopped in on the gang at the Wiggins library and it was terrifying, but then he gave an awful graduation speech and turned into a snake before getting slayed, and the gang survived both it and high school. We took a second to wrap up season three and send it off properly before beginning the shit show of S4. It started by introducing Contrivance U, complete with the world’s worst roommate who was an actual jeans-ironing Cher-blasting demon. Then Spike came to town when we met Poop Head Parker and the latest iteration of Buffy Brood, which was briefly put on hold when she almost literally stepped on her fears in a cursed haunted house.
After graduation, my brooding fictional boyfriend ran to LA to have his own show with a hot Irish guy and struggling actress Cordelia, and regular reminders of Angel’s hotness that make Lor wonder if we’re actually in Sweet Valley. Crossover magic happened when Oz transports a ring from Sunnydale to LA and Spike tried to get his hands on it. Then Angel had to take on someone who was basically Christian Grey with magic powers.
On Game of Thrones, Theon got Drowned God baptized and Creepy Red Lady GAVE BIRTH TO A DEMENTOR. We were excited because we got to nickname a character Fun Dip and then SOMEONE THREW ACTUAL SHIT AT JOFFREY’S FACE (and it’s still awesome). Unfortunately, then Sansa had the worst period in the whole history of the uterus. We discussed the inefficiency of Westeros communications technology and spent a whole episode in King’s Landing trying to snark a war and appreciating drunk!Cersei. Too much shit happened in the finale for me summarize, but we established EWSOME! as the unofficial GoT motto.
We created the Fifty Shades of Snark Lady Feels Continuum and Snark HQ floor plan to distract ourselves from thinking about that time when Ana went to see Grey’s therapist, we collected all sorts of professional writing advice from E. L. James, Ana unsurprisingly accepts Grey’s proposal, and they have yay-we’re-engaged sex in a cold shower.
Sorry, I just want to look at the Snark HQ floor plan again:
Lor: Still amazing.
Coming Up:
Sweeney: BIG STUFF. Sorry, there is always big stuff. Now that Game of Thrones is current and Tuesday-only, we have Fridays open to bring back a few Childhood Trauma features and maybe a book report or two. WHO KNOWS. More important than any of that: April is when we have our two-year bloggiversary, and Lor and I will be together in California when that happens, so we’re pretty crazy excited.
Lor: About the bloggiversary, not only the fact that CALIFORNIA BITCHES.
Sweeney: I have chosen to believe that Coachella is basically just a big party in Snark Squad’s honor.
Nuts & Bolts:
Two things here this month: (1) We changed the home page in the hopes that it would be easier for you to spot/read new things. Now that we are posting more often, we would hate for things to get lost or buried.
(2) We decided to do a totally awesome live snark of GoT, but many of you don’t watch it live. I probably won’t be watching it live either (though I believe Lor will). (L: Yep!) As such, we would still love for you to tweet with the hashtag #gameofsnark (and check out other tweets) when you DO watch. Obviously it will not be the same time for everyone. Maybe this won’t work quite as well as we hope. It’s an experiment; humor us. We will post the wrap-up on Tuesday, and ideally use the #gameofsnark tweets in a fashion similar to the Favorite Comment feature on Fifty Shades posts.
Welcome, Questionable New Friends:
We received a couple Fifty Shades searches worth sharing this month. To the questioner who asked the internets this horrifying question: “has anyone managed to marry their own christian grey?” I can only say that I would like to believe that a real Christian Grey would be locked up. If not, she’d probably be dead before the wedding, so I’m going to guess no. Welcome, regardless!
A very hearty welcome to the person who I imagined got to the end of the horror that was the first book and was so overwhelmed with feelings that humanity is doomed that they simply went to Google and said, “i did not understand the ending of fifty shades of grey” hoping that the internet could explain how this happened. I don’t think we’ve really answered that, friend, but we welcome you to drink with us.
It also looks like Google only sent one person searching for “shouty capitals” to us this month, which seems to me like Google is just doing it wrong.
We’re looking forward to another month of feels and shouty capitals. As always, thank you for laughing/crying/snarking with us.
♥
The Snark Squad
