Dear Traumateers,
Sweeney: We missed two days because (1) Lor was helping me get my shit out of storage (Welcome to California!) -and- (2) We decided that vacation meant all the sleep and none of the TV.
Lorraine: Our lives are super glamorous. I’m not being sarcastic; the naps I took in LA were FANTASTIC. Totally worth storage moving.
Sweeney: Aside from our glamorous lives with amazing naps, we’ve been busy this month! To reiterate the theme from last month’s TMYK: not dying = winning. This month I am extra-glad that we established our little routine because we have a lot to flail about here at Snark HQ. We’re legit super excited about the things we’ve got planned for our Terrible Twos. I’ll try to skip the Here’s What Our Lives Are stuff today, and get right to it, because this one might be a little longer than usual.
Last Month:
In Sunnydale, Joss Whedon subjected us to a horrendous PSA whose primary redeeming event was Parker being hit on the head (OK, that was great). He followed that up by breaking our hearts with Willow tears and Oz leaving town, which he tried to compensate for by bringing back Spike and stopping all the secretive nonsense surrounding The Initiative. The gang had a hellmouthy Thanksgiving in which Spike hung out and snarked while Angel came to town to lurk. Ironically, it’s an episode of BtVS in which neither major vampire’s presence makes much sense, but we had fun anyway. Willow’s broken heart made her go a little cray with the magic. The Gentlemen came to town to bring us silence and one of the best episodes of the entire series. Then it was balanced out by headache-inducing contrivance levels as Spike was “set free,” and everyone banded together to hate Riley and The Iniative.
Down in Los Angeles, Cordelia got a new apartment that was haunted by Donnie Darko’s Kittie Farmer and then Angel got beaten with an actual feelings stick. Doyle, we learn, had a wife with a new brain-eating fiance. (Turns out brain eating is a deal breaker.) Buffy came to LA to confront Angel for his bush-lurking, and it gave us a whole lot of feels. Then Whedon was all “LOL YOU DON’T KNOW FEELS YET” and killed off Doyle just to watch us cry. He sent us WWP and the Snark Ladies were unimpressed, but we did thumbs up the empath freak-of-the-week. We gave Kirsti the amazing birthday present of Jeremy Renner, and were surprised to find ourselves starting to appreciate the show with a mythical pregnancy of all things.
We kicked off the totes awesome experience of blogging a show as it airs, instead of being crazy late to the party. We learned that Dany’s dragons grow crazy fast and that Margaery has a FLOWERBOSS grandma. Then JAIME GOT HIS FREAKING HAND CHOPPED OFF, Dany out-bossed even herself, and we got real judgey with people who give us the creeps.
We finished the horror of Fifty Shades Darker. Ana gave Grey his own butt plug for his birthday and Mama Grey slapped Mrs. Rape before singing karaoke. To celebrate, Lor nearly broke her Kindle searching for a run-down of the book’s major horrifying events and writing elements and we compiled a list of Grey’s seven worst moments in FSD. We started Fifty Shades Freed, and learned that E. L. James is about to ruin time travel too.
We also turned two this month, which is totes awesome and so we vlogged about it. And made t-shirts.
Coming Up:
As we mentioned in our epic vlog of epic awkward, we will begin covering Pretty Little Liars, WITH THE HELP OF THE AMAZING SARA, starting this Friday. In an unprecedented move, we have actually been working on this IN ADVANCE for a while now. We should also add that this is proper snark material and we can not be held accountable for anyone who chooses to watch this trainwreck with us without the assistance of alcohol.
Lor: I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward covering soapy teen drama. Sorry I’m Not Sorry.
Sweeney: BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE! Starting next week we have a super exciting new series, of sorts. It has only lingered on the Spreadsheet-O-Dreams for a couple months, which is a very short time for us. I’ll take that as a sign of how pumped we are for this project. We are going to start vlogging on the regular — Tuesdays (me) & Fridays (Lor). It’s going to be incredibly different from a lot of what we do here.
We have talked for a really long time about wanting to find more ways to work vlogs in, especially since we have this snazzy YouTube channel we hardly ever use. Some of you have asked for it, and we have fun doing it when we’ve had reasons to incorporate vlogs. For those of you who watch a lot of YouTube videos, expect this to be a collaby-type-thing where we have a new topic each week that we’ll each discuss. Among other things, it will be a chance for us to bring up all of the other pop culture things we love but don’t have time to get to because every project we do here is monumental in scope. I don’t know that I’ll ever actually blog my way through my favorite books, but I can mention them once in a video.
Lor: Additionally, there are so many offshoot conversations that come up while writing posts/in the comments, we feel that vlogs will give us the chance to continue those conversations in a more condensed and different format. You will now know how the Snark Ladies feel about EVEN MORE THINGS.
Sweeney: Just what you’ve always wanted, we know. With that in mind, we are totally open to (1) topic suggestions -and- (2) potential names for this series, since we haven’t picked one yet. It’ll fall under the “Snark Squad Sentiments” heading (like TMYK!) and basically it’s going to be us doing whatever we feel like doing each week, as “we do what we want” is one of our favorite unofficial mottoes.
Nuts & Bolts:
If this post should indicate anything, it’s that we’re trying to grow the blog up a tiny bit. Also that we place a low value on our sanity. Part of this includes a slight change to the little menu up top there. As the site got bigger, it earned its own special section of pages. Two of those are brand new today so we’re going to break them down for you here.
The big thing that we absolutely could not do until after a TMYK post is launch advertising. We both have a bit of a squick factor when it comes to advertising of any kind, and are only willing to go there in a way that is 1000% transparent. We don’t know if any of you even care that this might be a thing, but we have wrestled with it for months. We’re not looking to make money off of this site, but if we could at least get it to the point where it covers its own bills (domain/hosting/booze fund) that would be awesome. We will always spend a lot of time on it; it would be great if we could stop spending a lot of money on it too. If you’re interested in getting a little banner on our sidebar, you can check out our Advertise With Us page. We hope you’re not giving us judgey eye for doing this, but as regular wearers of judgey eye, we also understand if you are.
Lor: Also, banners on the sidebar are the extent of this. Please rest assured that you will not suddenly log on to Snark Squad and find pop-ups or a post trying to convince you to buy scrap-booking software. Trust us that we would hate ourselves more than you would hate us. Seriously, though, we’re just trying to cover the booze FSoG related therapy Couch of Feels and Heartless Cow Ottoman bill expenses.
Sweeney: We get a lot of emails and messages from people who want to snark with us, but we never really know how to handle those messages. We love bringing in new people, but we are also super possessive of our little internet home. (Seriously, super possessive.) (Lor: Like if we were a Khaleesi and this blog were dragons, yo.) This is another thing we’ve been discussing for a while and now that we’ve come to some guidelines we agree on, we want to invite you to join our snark party. All that info can now be found under “Be Our Snarky Guest.” It was also an excuse to make this gif:
Lor: Best. gif. ever.
Welcome, Questionable New Friends:
Sweeney: Whenever I start a TMYK post, I get to this point and send Lor an email that’s basically all, “I’M TIRED/BORED NOW,” which is how this always ends up being her job. Womp. #badbloggyfriends
Lor: Sorting through our keyword searches always ends up being like watching a 20 minute porn. PEOPLE ARE CRAZY, YOU GUYS. And they search the Internet for crazy things. Here’s a (milder) search that made me laugh: “how do i get my girlfriend to have a spectacular orgasm that she wakes the neighbours up.”
I mean… I guess that’s cool for your girlfriend, but you’re kind of a dick neighbor.
BUT WELCOME TO SNARK SQUAD!
♥
The Snark Squad
