Buffy the Vampire Slayer S04 E15 – Coma o’ wrath

Previously: We all died of boredom, so clearly you didn’t miss much.
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This Year’s Girl

Kirsti: We open in Buffy’s room at Chez Summers. She and Faith (YAY) are putting clean sheets on Buffy’s bed, so clearly it’s one of those freaky mindmeld dream things from the end of season 3. There’s a crapton of foreshadowing awesomeness (seriously, you guys. Whedon is a GENIUS), (L: BUFFY HAS A LITTLE SISTER?!) (SPOILERS, SWEETIE) and then Faith rudely bleeds all over the clean sheets. “Are you ever going to take this thing out?” she says to Buffy, and we see that Buffy’s still holding the crazy murder knife in Faith’s gut. Buffy twists the blade and we dramatic music over to a hospital room. There’s thunder and lightning, and we see a comatose Faith in a hospital bed. The dramatic music turns suspenseful and then the credits roll without a damned thing happening. I guess reminding us that Faith’s not dead was suspense enough?

Sweeney: The bar has been set low this season. I can’t even hate because I’m so happy to see Faith again, probably mostly because of that low bar and this awful season. Like, if this were my post, I’d be you-when-Spike-shows-up levels of flail. That’s a lie. But there would definitely be an exclamation point or two. Here, have them: FAITH!!!

K: I would be flailing, but season 4 (and, more specifically, that last episode) has sapped my will to live…

Post-credits, we’re down in the Fruit Roll-Up Basement with Xander wearing a truly vile stripey woollen vest and examining the weapon that Buffy was given by the Evil Bitch Monster for her death!trap in the sewers. Buffy asks if he can fix it and he replies, “Sure. Just as soon as I get my Masters degree in advanced starship technology.” So… never? Willow and her ugly hat are in favour of pushing buttons to see what happens, but Giles is all “Uh, NO.” Buffy’s all “WHATEVS. PLEASE FIX BEFORE I HAVE TO MEET ADAM AGAIN.”

Willow asks about Riley, and Buffy sulks. The Initiative have said he’s fine, but won’t let her see him. Apparently The Initiative and the Snark Squad are on the same page here: Biley = ACTUAL WORST, DO NOT WANT. Giles tries to be reassuring, and Xander electrocutes himself in the background. Seriously. That happens and no one bats an eyelid. Anyway, Buffy’s worried that the Abysmal Plot Arc Research Facility will turn their brain chipping powers on Riley.

With that, we head to a shirtless Riley still grabbing on to Buffy’s discarded bandanna thing. He’s got a ridiculously oversized bandage around his stomach, and when he goes to leave the hospital room, one of the soldiers blocks his way. But Forrest tells the guy to stand down, and then calls Riley “the shish kebab that walks like a man“. LOL. Riley says he’s got shit to do, and Forrest channels Sassy Gay Friend:

Riley’s all “YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!”, and Forrest tries to convince him not to go because they have a problem to deal with, and that shit needs to be dealt with by The Initiative. Because having the Slayer on your side when you fight a giant demon is bad??? IDK.

We head back to visit Comatose!Faith, who’s now dreaming about having a picnic with the Mayor. A grass snake (I assume? I’m Australian. All our snakes want to rip your face off, so snakes = RUN AWAY) slithers through the picnic, and then Buffy appears and slits the Mayor’s throat with the murder knife. Faith screams “NO!!” and tries to crawl away as Buffy says “I TOLD you I had things to do” and goes after her. Flash back to the hospital, where Faith’s eyelids flicker repeatedly.

Lorraine: They were trying to make her look like her eyeballs were moving, but sometimes Eliza Dushku opened her eyes. I kept thinking, “she’s awake! Oh, no? Not yet? AWAKE! Wait, no. Not yet.”

Sweeney: Coupled with the ridiculous coma/corpse makeup, these bits are just awkward.

K: SO MUCH.

Cut to the woods where Buffy, Willow and Xander are on patrol. They come across a demon tied between two trees with its chest opened up like it’s having surgery. It’s still steaming, so clearly Adam’s been having some fun preeeeeetty recently. Back at the Fruit Roll-Up Basement, the gang are pretty much rocking back and forth in the corner. Buffy says that they have to stop Adam because clearly the Initiative can’t, but that stage 1 of her plan is to bust Riley out of Initiative Hospital. She goes into full on attack plan mode, which is busted when Riley appears behind her because apparently he’s super stealthy?? Again, IDK. Buffy jumps up and hugs him, and he’s all “OW. REMEMBER HOW I GOT STABBED?” There’s some conversation but it’s all so boring that I nodded off, but ends with Buffy saying “You’re here. Whatever comes, we can handle it.”

With that, we’re back in Faith’s dreams. She’s running down a dark street at night. Buffy and the murder knife are following her. She runs into the cemetery, then trips and falls into an open grave. There’s some Tim Burton-y music, and Buffy jumps into the grave with Faith as it starts to rain. We hear some fighting-y noises, and then the music turns Batman-esque as Faith pulls herself out of the grave. She stands triumphant in the rain and sounds her barbaric yawp over the rooftops of the world. Okay, FINE. She yells at the sky. Back in the hospital, Faith’s eyes snap open and we fade to black.

Lor: A-HA. NOW SHE IS AWAKE.

K: FINALLY. After the Not Commercial Break, she looks around her and it’s pretty fucking depressing, you guys. Apparently she’s ended up in the Sunnydale General equivalent of the Basement of Don’t Go Down There, which is the Basement of They Can’t Pay Their Bills But We Can’t Kill Them So We Stashed Them Here. At least she has a private room? She rips off the wires and IVs and then wanders around the BoTCPTBBWCKTSWSTH [Basement of They Can’t Pay Their Bills But We Can’t Kill Them So We Stashed Them Here]. (S: Nonsensically Long Acronym Hating Traumateers [NLAHTs] are gonna hate you for this, girl!) (L: We Do What We Want! [WDWWW])

Anyway, there are no staff in sight, and she’s apparently down there with a bunch of file boxes, which makes me question their record keeping system. A girl walks in and asks for directions before realising that Faith’s probably not the ideal person to provide them on account of being in the BoTCPTBBWCKTSWSTH. Faith says she needs to get to Graduation, and the girl awkward turtles because it’s February 25th and Sunnydale High doesn’t exist any more. She mentions that a bunch of people died, including the Mayor, and Faith gets a dose of crazy eyes. The next thing we see, she’s leaving the hospital in the girl’s clothes.

Back at the Bigger on the Inside Dorm Room, Riley shows Buffy the bandanna that got him through the whole Initiative Hospitalisation thing. He then asks her to give him some orders because he doesn’t know how to exist without them. She’s all “I can totally relate on account of how the Council used to give me orders that I pretty much always ignored,” and then tells him that he has two options for his future:
1. Go back to the Initiative and make changes from the inside.
2. Fight demons in his own way.

Um. What about “Finish grad school and make use of your degree” or “Go back to the non-demon hunting part of the military” or “Go work in an insomnia clinic because your personality is so bland everyone would be instantly cured?” Anyway, there’s some face nomming and UGH.

Sweeney: I actually disagree with the UGH here. It’s been said a lot in the comments, but part of the tragedy of season 4 is that there are a lot of really good ideas and concepts here that were executed inexcusably poorly. 99% of the time, that’s how I feel about Riley’s whole arc: interesting thoughts, but carried out so awfully that I have no fucks to give. This scene, however, was one of the few moments where his reflection on the order-driven life he has led, and the crossroads he is now at, felt really genuine and legit.

Or I could just be biased by my general appreciation of this episode.

K: Team Heartless Cow has no fucks to give about Riley, regardless of whether or not there were interesting thoughts involved. Maybe it’s because I come from a country with a standing military of like…two kangaroos, a Collins Class submarine, and a hand-me-down Tomcat?

Lor: But imagine if those kangaroos suddenly had a Riley-class identity crisis? LOL. Just kidding! I just wanted to say kangaroos again.

K: Over at the hospital, the staff have finally realised that Faith is gone and have called in the cops. The detective is pissed about the total lack of security given Faith’s murder-y past, and then an orderly interrupts to say that they’ve found the other girl, beaten and stripped. Remind me to never seek medical care in Sunnydale. The cop, the doctor and the orderly go off to see the girl, while the nurse walks calmly to the phone. She dials a number and says “It’s happened. Send the team.”

Faith, meanwhile, is staring at the ruins of Sunnydale High before walking through town in a daze. She heads to Giles’ and peers in the window at the Scoobies discussing what they’re going to do about Adam. We pan into the scene, and Riley announces that they need all the fire power they can get. He switches on the blaster gun thing, and Xander is outraged that it was so easy. I, meanwhile, have the sudden realisation that this episode is sadly lacking in Anya. Sad panda…

Sweeney: All of Faith’s wandering is really nicely done. It’s not so long that it’s overkill, but it’s just enough to make sure the audience realizes the radical difference between the world as she understood it when she fell into the coma and the world she woke up in.

K: Thank you for having serious thoughts so that I don’t have to. Because I have three weeks left of my Masters, and my brain is pretty much fried. Faith is still watching everything from outside. Buffy puts her arm around Riley, and Faith gets all interested. Then the phone rings – it’s the hospital. They’re all horrified and then start talking at once, wondering how to deal with the situation. Willow’s sad because “That was the funnest coma ever,” (and Xander suggests that maybe if the Council can’t help, the Initiative can. Buffy says the first thing they need to do is find her. And then Riley chimes in with “….Who’s Faith??” Ohhh, honey. You tried.

Cut to Willow and Buffy walking across the Contrivance U campus the following day. Willow is wearing a truly hideous skirt and asks Buffy what she told Riley. The truth, apparently, but with some added vagueness on account of the Angel stuff. And her Faith hunt the previous night was unsuccessful. Willow positives that at least she’s got police back up this time, and it’s possible Willow’s forgetting just how incredibly inept the Sunnydale Police Department are. “If I were her, I’d get out of Dodge post-hasty,” Buffy says as they approach a bulletin board. AND THEN THIS HAPPENS:

Shit’s about to get real, y’all. Fade to black.

Lor: Glad to see Faith found some suitable Evil Girl Wardrobe. That was always our favorite. <3

K: YES. I forgot to mention it, but Faith in a floral shirt and a red zip up jacket was wigging me out. Evil Girl Wardrobe FTW.

After the Not Commercial Break, Buffy’s acting concerned, trying to work out how Faith’s going to react. Faith, meanwhile, is ready for a smackdown. Willow, meanwhile, has a serious case of Panic Face. Faith is fighting with her words, talking about how Buffy stabbed her to save Angel but now she’s not even with her One True Love and is instead boning “the first college beefstick” that came along. Willow, meanwhile, sneaks around behind Faith and goes to grab her. “Try it, Red, and you lose an arm,” Faith says, before continuing her speech as though nothing had happened.

Then we hear sirens in the background and Buffy says, “Uh oh. Looks like somebody knows you’re here.” That’s enough to make Faith snap, and the two Slayers start to fight as college boys appear from all over the campus to watch. A cop car pulls up right next to them, and Faith backs off, saying “You took my life, B. Payback’s a bitch.”

She then makes a run for it, knocking out a few cops on her way through. Buffy chases after her, but Faith jumps over a wall and disappears.

Lor: I’ve missed the Slayer on Slayer fights! It just goes to highlight how very little B has had to do this season, hmm.

K: Truth. Willow, meanwhile, has recruited Tara to help her look for Faith. Tara’s all “Uhhhhh. What do we do if we find her???” and Willow says that they run. Then there’s some adorableness that thankfully exists in gif form:

Bless.

Sweeney: CUTEST.

K: Willow impersonates Faith, which leads to Tara saying “Five by five? Five what by five what??” Willow’s all “EXACTLY!!” I just Wikipediaed it, and apparently it’s some kind of radio signal thing. Still doesn’t make a whole stack of sense, but whatevs.

That night, Xander and Giles are skulking through town looking for Faith. Xander paranoids that Faith’s going to come after him on account of one time they had sex. Giles is all “PLEASE STOP TALKING” and luckily for him, there’s a noise down an alley. They go to investigate, but it’s Spike. They fill him in, and ask if they’ve seen Faith. And genius happens:

Spike: This bird after you?
Xander: In a bad way, yeah.
Spike: Tell you what I’ll do, then. Head out, find this girl, tell her exactly where all of you are, and then watch as she kills you.
*Giles and Xander stare blankly*
Spike: Can’t anyone in your damned little Scooby Club at least try to remember that I HATE YOU ALL?!? And just because I can’t do the damage myself doesn’t stop me from aiming a loose cannon your way! …And here I thought the evening’d be dull.

Actual best. He walks off with glee, while Xander and Giles look slightly terrified at the prospect.

Lor: UGH. NOT BEST. I mean, yes best because Spike is cool, BUT OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS. WHY DON’T THEY KILL HIM? IT HURTS MY HEAD.

K: One of these days, we’ll get Whedon to pay for our paracetamol, Lor. Don’t worry. Meanwhile, over at the hospital, a helicopter is landing. Three men in leather jackets and carrying briefcases get out and talk to the nurse from earlier.

Faith walks down the main street of town, and stops to stare in the window of that sporting goods shop she and Buffy robbed that one time. She stares longingly at the knives in the window, and then a cop car cruises past. She tags herself onto the end of a group of passing kids and then heads down an alleyway until the cops have passed. In the alley, a demon appears and tells her that a friend sent him with a present for her. Faith, being her typical self, decides to kill first and ask questions later, and snaps his neck. She grabs the envelope he was holding and runs up a fire escape just as another cop car swings past.

Sweeney: Except her foot was totally in the light. And there was a fucking dead demon in the alley. It’s just another fun reminder that Sunnydale PD is utterly useless.

K: True dat. The envelope contains a video tape, so obviously she breaks in somewhere to watch it. It’s from The Mayor, who wibbles on about how either he’s dead or this tape is being watched by thousands of terrified children at the Richard Wilkins Museum. LOL. Nice try, Pauline Hanson. Anyway, he’s left her a present to protect her once he’s gone. It’s a doo-hickey. The Mayor, still talking in the video, refers to it as a gizmo, so he clearly doesn’t have any idea what to call it either.

Cut to the Bedroom o’ Balls, which is what I’ve just decided to call Riley’s room on account of that unfortunate poster and all the douchey soldier boy testosterone. Buffy’s all “Faith’s super dangerous”, and Riley’s all “LOL, SURE.” He wants to help her find Faith, and tells her to give him a reason why he can’t. She picks up a ball (see? Accurate name is accurate) and throws it at him, causing him to wince in pain when he catches it. “That’s one,” she says. (S: This felt like a fun callback to Wesley’s excellent point-making skillz on the last episode of Angel. Watching side-by-side is fun.) He keeps treating the whole thing like a joke, and despite this being about my tenth Buffy rewatch, I secretly hope that Faith pops out of his wardrobe, stabs him in the heart, and says “Laugh it up, Fuzzbutt.” Sadly, this once again fails to happen. SIGH.

Lor: He is right about holding out on him, though. The whole, “I dated a souled vampire and I almost killed Faith for him,” part…

K: Yeah, it’s a pretty enormous omission. Anyway, Buffy says that she knows Faith, and that she’ll come after the people Buffy loves. Apparently when counting the people that she loves, she forgot to include her mother because we head over to Chez Summers. Joyce hears a knock on the door, and answers it to find Faith standing there. Faith punches her in the face and walks into the house.

Cut to Joyce’s bedroom. Faith has Joyce tied up on the bed, and is going through her lipstick collection. She picks out the darkest one Joyce has, which is appropriately called Harlot, and applies a thick coat. She asks Joyce how she looks and tells her not to spare her feelings. “Psychotic,” is Joyce’s reply. True dat. Anyway, Joyce is all “My daughter’s totally going to kill you”, and Faith’s all “LOL. I found a shit ton of mail for the Buffster, she clearly hasn’t been home in FOREVER even though she lives like two miles away.”

Sweeney: Possibly because of that one time when she was having feels and found that Joyce had turned her room into a storage closet. Just a guess.

K: Could be. Faith then goes on a rant about people moving on and leaving you behind and forgetting you, and it’s aimed at Joyce but there’s clearly a dose of “I RELATE TO THIS A LITTLE TOO MUCH” in there too. Anyway, her speech ends when Buffy jumps through the window (apparently doors are harder than leaping through a second storey window?) and tackles her. They fight while Joyce calls the police.

Buffy and Faith fall down the stairs, and move the fight to the dining room. Faith makes a comment about Riley being cute and Buffy says that he’s not big on sleaze so would never go for Faith. They smash up the house some more, and Buffy hits a nerve by saying “Ever occur to you, Faith, that the reason we all forgot you is because we wanted to?” BURN. Faith throws a cutlery drawer at her. I’m not even joking. Buffy ducks the drawer and Faith grabs a knife.

Cut to Giles’ where the three men in leather jackets are waiting in his living room. “Hello, Ripper” one says and Giles looks horrified. Back at Chez Summers, Buffy and Faith are now smashing up the furniture in the living room as police sirens sound outside. Faith knocks Buffy down, then grabs the doo-hickey from the mantelpiece. She puts it on, kind of like brass knuckles, and grabs Buffy’s hand. There’s a white flashy light and they stare at each other in shock. Then Buffy knocks Faith out.

Lor: It’s like they made up for an entire season’s worth of damage to the Summers home. I appreciate that. It felt like old times.

K: Absolutely!! I think the Summers house is one of the things I’ve missed most this season. That, and A DECENT STORYLINE.

Joyce runs in and asks if she’s okay. “All things considered…” she replies. Then she throws the doo-hickey to the ground and stands on it. There’s another flashy light as it’s crushed. There’s a knock on the door and they both start. It’s the police. But before letting them in, Joyce asks Buffy if she’s okay. “Five by five“, she replies and creepily stares at an unconscious Faith as the Music of OMFG WHUUUUUT strikes up.

Sweeney: Just to make sure we got it, she gets murdery eyes after the line. Thanks, Faith!Buffy! Or Buffy!Faith? Crap. I need to work this out.

K: TO BE CONTINUED.

 

Next time on Buffy the Vampire Slayer: I’s Freaky Friday time! What will happen to Buffy!Faith? Will Faith!Buffy go off the rails? Will we totally confuse ourselves with those names? (PROBABLY) Find out in S04 E16 – Who Are You?