Previously: The Fang Gang went to Lorne’s home dimension, Pylea and it was strange. They acquired a new friend named Fred. Just when things were cheery and had an air victory, they got word that Buffy died, because of course.
—
Sweeney: Zoomy LA establishing shot eventually takes us inside the Brooding Hotel, where Fred is being a jittery creeper, in accordance with her five years of being driven solidly insane over in Pylea. She’s listening as Cordelia explains that for all the shit she understands in this world, demon-worshippers are not among them. She is returning with Wesley and Gunn, as they are discussing a job they are clearly returning from. Shop talk quickly turns into lamenting their general lack of social lives or love lives.
Sweeney: Hey! We’re in a new season and we’ve just acquired a new girl. And wouldn’t you know it, they are now talking about that girl and her lack of major strides towards mental health. They also talk establish, for anyone slow on the take, that she magically found herself in another dimension where she was enslaved and then hid out in a cave for five years, which is sufficient explanation for her being a little batty.
They continue to bring us all up to speed as they move on to discussing Angel and his grief. Gunn points out that Angel’s old as shit and Buffy was the love of his long as shit life. Wesley explains that Angel is at some sort of monastery doing some soul-searching grief counseling.
As Wesley is describing how peaceful and quiet the experience must be, we cut to Angel battling the monks. After, we learn that the were demon monks. Womp. Roll credits, now with Amy Acker, and a new concluding the-team-walking-seriously shot that features the full gang! Also, this episode has special guest star Julie Benz! Huzzah!
Lorraine: What the heck is Wesley’s hair doing, though? Dislike.
Sweeney: After the credits, the emotionally together trio is continuing to bustle around and do productive stuff. Cordelia is mocking the boys for being afraid of rats. She opens a door and then screams. Angel’s back, and he’s weirdly calm and happy looking. He’s brought them all incredibly fitting gifts. A little skull for Gunn, a pretty necklace for Cordelia and an old knife for Wesley.
Lor: That wasn’t a, “welcome home baby! Look at that fine ass,” look? Huh.
K: Meanwhile, I’m having problems coping with the fact that ANGEL ISN’T WEARING BLACK WTF DID THOSE MONKS DO TO HIM.
Sweeney: An interesting point. Therapy and a wardrobe makeover. He actually went to see Stacey & Clinton who threw out all of his clothing.
Also stopping a moment for another observation, because it just occurred to me that back in the middle of season 1, when Angel had his big epic 24 hours of humanity, part of why he gave it up was that he was told Buffy would die sooner if he stayed human. Even after making that choice, she still died a year and half later. In addition to grieving her death, I feel like there’s a bonus feeling of being cheated in some way. I’m not sure if I said that quite right, but I had to do the usual Team Feels thing of making sure that no feels stone goes unturned. (L: Fantastic observation. A+)
We see lots of mathematical equations written on a wall and pan out to see that Fred has pretty well covered the walls of her room at the Brooding Hotel with this stuff, some of it words rather than equations. There’s a knock at the door, which Fred is dismissive of until Angel says that it’s him. She excitedly answers and clears space for him to sit down, so that Angel can remind her of the ever-in-flux invitation magic. Hotel room is now Fred’s proper vampire-proofed residence. She invites him in.
K: I kind of wish they’d address the point at which a hotel room becomes an actual place of residence, because they get suuuuuuuuuper wishy-washy on the rules where hotels/motels are concerned. SIGH.
Lor: Specifically, this hotel pretty much belongs to him, yeah? Weird.
Sweeney: I’m actually not too bothered by this. It’s not a proper hotel room because the space isn’t currently operational as a hotel. Who the hotel actually belongs to is something the show has been a little fuzzy on, but as to the room, it seems sufficient to assume that some sort of, “This is your new home!” exchange transpired. Huzzah, new home. IDK.
Fred pretends that she’s doing just fine, though she gets super anxious when she asks if he’s sticking around now. Angel notices the word “listen” written over and over again on a section of wall and asks what she’s listening for. “The click. When it all comes together and makes sense, there’s like a click in your brain and you understand things again.” We just met you, Fred. How are you giving me all these feels? You’re not allowed to do that yet!
Angel asks what will happen if she runs out of wall space before the click, but she doesn’t know. Angel further recaps what happened to Fred and the tinkly orchestra of feels swells. He says it’s going to take some time, which prompts Fred to start writing, because she could write a whole treatise on time. Angel gets her to stop and says she needs to take some small steps, like coming downstairs and hanging out with the Fang Gang.
As Angel assures her that she is safe in the hotel, we hear Cordelia scream. Down in the lobby she is on the floor and clearly suffering from the worst migraine vision we’ve seen so far, aside from that time that she was hospitalized. The three guys all run to her at the same time, which is awfully contrivant, because why would anyone but Angel have been coming from upstairs? Whatever. Anyway: Cordelia sees a bunch of vampires attacking a college and taking hostages, with one particularly nasty blonde vampire. We know she’s nasty not only because Cordelia warned us, but her hair is a tight sort of curly-wavy not dissimilar to a hairdo Buffy would sport on a Bad Buffy day. I guess that was more crimped. Regardless: it’s a hairdo that probably requires some vampire hair gel to maintain.
K: And possibly a vampire hairdresser, on account of the no reflection thing.
Sweeney: MAYBE THAT’S WHY VAMPIRES LOVE THEIR SUPER STRENGTH GEL? If you don’t have a reflection, you gotta just pick a hairstyle and a corresponding styling product that will make it last.
Lor: FOREVER.
Sweeney: Cordelia insists that she’s alright and sends them off, though we see her crying in pain after they go. I really hope they address this increasing agony problem soon, because it’s so brutal to watch. (I guess it was sort of addressed in Pylea — she can’t carry the burden because she’s full human — but we haven’t gotten to any sort of solution yet and I want to get there faster because I can’t reach through and give her a hug and FEELINGS.)
The vampires are in the car with a couple of their victims. A guy in the front begs them not to hurt his girlfriend. Curly Blonde Vampire then asks if he loves her enough to ask them to take him instead of her, and he does not. I mean, they’re dating, not married. But fuck if that’s not going to leave you with some heavy duty trauma for the rest of forever.
Lor: I mean do you break up with him or do you look at him and go, “legit. I would’ve let them eat you too. Wanna catch a movie?”
Sweeney: This conversation is interrupted by Batman!Angel landing on the roof of their car, causing it to crash. Wesley and Gunn pull up behind it. Angel sends the humans running and the trio fights the vampires. One gets away. Angel stakes Curly Blonde Vampire, who says, “Angelus” just as she turns to dust. He grabs her locket as she dusts and looks at it with a confused-but-something-is-clicking expression. Weird thought: would the locket have dusted if he hadn’t been holding it? I never really considered, until right now, that vampire clothing always dusts with them.
K: Yet another thing that’s kind of wishy-washy in the Whedonverse. Because there are a couple of episodes where Buffy dusts vamps and then picks up their jewellery afterwards. But there are other episodes where everything goes poof. And DAMMIT, WHEDON.
Sweeney: Maybe some jewelry is magic! Or maybe this is just how you know your stuff is legit. That shit you stole from Claire’s? Poof! All the awful Hot Topic hand cuffs? Donezo. Antique lockets with major significance for the episode? Well, all that real gold and contrivance protected them!
Anyway, we won’t address this new tiny blonde in Angel’s life just yet, because after the Not Commercial Break we are at Cordelia’s place. She stumbles into the bathroom and Phantom Dennis turns on a light, which she says is too bright, so he switches to a dimmer lamp. He then runs the bath for her while she takes some pain meds. Aw, Phantom Dennis, I love you. He even hangs her clothes on a hook and scrubs her back. Her phone rings and she groans.
Lor: Phantom Dennis continues to be the best. Remember when I was all, “hey would a ghost be worth getting that apartment in LA?” I take that back. Getting the ghost thrown in for free was the best part.
Sweeney: ACTUAL BEST PART. I will now be scouring Craig’s List specifically for apartments that feature ghost roommates. “1BR, Utilities included, MUST LIKE GHOSTS.”
We cut away from that, though, to Terrible Wig Flashback. Weee! We are in Marseilles in 1767. Angelus and Darla are with a couple and mocking their “young love,” telling them to give it a century. The girl is the now deceased Curly Blond Vampire. The couple babbles about how in love they are while Angelus and Darla have their “Bitch, please” faces on. Angelus and Darla are annoyed because they’ve egged on Holtz, who has been hunting them 4eva, but the new kids are too young and stupid to get it. Darla adds another fun piece of connect-the-dots by asking Angelus, “If he follows us to Morocco, what then? The New World?”
Anyway, the couple reminds us of that time that Darla hit Angelus with a shovel and peaced out as they were being hunted. Angelus recaps it while looking at her with an expression that says, “That’s my girl!”
K: It’s so nice of them to remind us of the last time we heard about Holtz!
Sweeney: While they’re having their creepy vampire lust moment, the annoying young vampire couple is dawdling and looking at the locket we saw in the present day. She thinks it’s pretty so he breaks the glass and steals it for her. She says that she adores it and will never take it off.
Meanwhile, they are being cornered by some soldiers, and Angelus says that this is where love gets you, and sends Darla off with the girl while the young boyfriend vampire continues to grandstand about how awesome it’s gonna be to fight all these soldiers. He asks them what they’re all afraid of and Angelus mutters, “Not us.” We get close ups of soldiers and one who I guess is Holtz. Angelus tells the boyfriend vamp that he hopes the girlfriend treasures that locket.
Then we jump to the present day where Angel is holding the locket and Gunn asks, “Then what?” Indeed. A rude interruption, show. Cordelia notes that if he’s still around and finds out who killed her, he’ll be way pissed. Wesley says that he’s going to check his sources.
At the scene of the crash, we zoom into the parking garage where it conveniently happened because it’s now daylight and stuff, and see that the boyfriend is indeed alive and well and sporting liberal amounts of vampire hair gel. He has a minion now — the one who fled — who updates him on Angel’s gypsy curse and detective business. The minion gets tossed into the sun to explode for his trouble.
K: The pay for minions would want to be pretty damned spectacular because the chances of being killed are pretty much 100%…
Lor: We’ll add “being a minion” to Cordelia’s “being a demon-worshiper,” then. Also, he catches on insta-fire. No warning sizzles for that minion!
Sweeney: Brooding Hotel. Angel is looking at the locket, you know, brooding. Cordelia interrupts to tell him that he shouldn’t feel guilty or in any way responsible for her death. He says he doesn’t and didn’t even know who she was when he killed her. Cordelia meant Buffy, not the vampire — though they dance around actually using her name in this conversation. In the whole episode, actually. I wonder if there is a reason for that. Angel is reluctant to have the conversation. Cordelia says that the love of his life just died and he couldn’t be there to help her fight and go down with her. The flute of feels goes into overdrive.
Angel says nothing though Cordelia’s speech and she notes that clearly this is going to be one of those talks where she does all the talking and even though prying is totally her style she’s not going to do that right now. “But you have to tell me one thing. You owe me this. What the hell happened with Holtz?”
With that, we return to our Terrible Wig Flashback. Angelus and Holtz banter a bit, including mention of Angelus and Darla torturing his family. Holtz is looking for Darla, so he has some dudes hold Angelus while he punches him a bit, rather than killing him. Angelus then says Darla is the the other girl, and he will happily give up the boyfriend and the women: down at the docks. Boyfriend is pissed and threatens to kill Angelus. This causes enough of a weird kerfuffle to contrivantly allow Angelus to steal a horse and ride off as he is shot with badly aimed arrows. Boyfriend jumps up on the horse with him.
Lor: Holtz sucks as a vampire hunter is all I’m saying.
Sweeney: They end up down an alley and Boyfriend pushes Angelus off the horse and says he’d kill him then if he didn’t have places to be, adding that he’ll tattle on him to Darla, because he clearly wasn’t paying attention to their earlier conversation. He rides off, leaving Angelus to pull the arrows out alone.
In the present day, Boyfriend Vampire barges in on a sketchy doctor who is peeling stuff off his face. He looks familiar but Kirsti assures me it’s Buffyverse actor-recycling and not an actual character we’ve seen before. (He was the first crazy to ID Dawn, lo those many episodes ago!) Boyfriend Vampire wants some sort of cure, immediately, and has already paid the price. Then we cut to Boyfriend Vampire lying on a table, getting sliced open.
K: WHILE HE’S WIDE AWAKE. Correct me if I’m wrong, but having your body cavity cut open while you’re awake seems like the WORST PLAN EVER, no????
Lor: Ask Spike and the stupidest brain surgery in the history of ever.
Sweeney: Thanks for that unpleasant reminder. (But accurate reference is accurate.)
We jump from there to the much more soothing scene of Lorne’s lovely singing at the karaoke bar. Gunn and Wesley are waiting for their informant. After Lorne finishes his number MERLE! strolls in and sits down. Wesley pays him and after a little squabbling over the price, he gets to it. He brings Wesley up to speed on Boyfriend Vampire being around and, more importantly, “He knows what Angel did to his heartthrob.” Gold star for you, Merle! Congratulations! This is a big day for you, as I wouldn’t otherwise describe you as a big deal, but the gold star says it must be so.
Gunn calls Angel and so we cut to Brooding Hotel where Angel is telling Cordelia that while Gunn and Wesley are going to go hunt him down, Angel knows he’s coming there for him. He tells Cordelia to go home while it’s still light out while he goes to the weapons case and is distressed to find it rearranged in his absence. Cordelia refuses to go home and rightly points out that home is a good way to get herself taken hostage. “They come after you when you’re alone.” There’s a bit of a minor show thesis in that, with the basic message of, “We’re better together.”
K: While Cordy makes an excellent point about staying together, she appears to be missing the point where “he can’t come in unless he’s invited” and also “Phantom Dennis would probably stake the shit out of a vampire intruder”…
Sweeney: Anyway, Angel goes to the basement to find the weapon he was looking for, only to get punched in the face by Boyfriend Vampire. They fight and Cordelia hides. Fred emerges, telling Angel that she came out of her room, taking those small steps he encouraged her to take. “Go back to your room and stay there!” Angel shouts, mid-fight. Womp.
At the karaoke bar, Merle is filling Wesley and Gunn on the fact that Boyfriend Vampire visited the creepy doctor. Lorne jumps in to say that he’s a demon doctor and “he’s a collector.”
Back at Brooding Hotel, the phone is ringing, but they’re a little busy fighting for that. Cordelia tries to give Angel a stake, but accidentally hands it to Boyfriend Vampire. BV almost stakes Angel, but Cordelia manages to be enough of a distraction (getting herself knocked across the room for her trouble) to give Angel the upper hand. Angel stakes BV and goes to help Cordelia, telling her it’s over. Across the room we see Boyfriend Vampire getting up and the wound healing. “Over in what sense?” asks Cordelia.
After a Not Commercial Break the fighting resumes and Angel kicks Boyfriend Vampire outside, but he doesn’t burst into flames. Angel and Cordelia flee into the sewers, where Angel deliberately leaves a false blood trail.
They go through a door and hide before we see Boyfriend Vampire sniffing back where Angel first cut himself.
Cordelia is trying to figure out how/why he’s invicible and asks Angel about the Ring of Amara, though Angel insists that there was just the one Magic Invincible Vampire ring. There is a rumbling which Cordelia fears is an earthquake and Angel’s all, “DUH. SUBWAY.” (For the 8 people who use mass transit in LA.) This whole scene has a whole lot of adorable little moments between these two, and it made me realize how long it’s been since we’ve seen that. I missed it and am very glad we’re back to this.
Anyway, Cordelia’s cellphone rings (K: She gets reception in the sewers??? I can barely get reception at my house, and I live less than 10km from the centre of Melbourne…) and Wesley updates them on Boyfriend Vampire’s invincibility which apparently lasts for 6 somethings. Hours/days/weeks? They don’t know because she loses signal at exactly that moment, of course.
Boyfriend Vampire bursts in and the two flee, this time into the subway system. They manage to board a train before he can join them and Cordelia adorably (albeit with a foolish bit of arrogance) sticks her tongue out.
Lor: MISDIRECTION! Oh, look. He took his face off. All is well. PSYCHE. SUBWAY JUMPING.
Nice try, show!
Sweeney: In their subway car, Cordelia is freaking out and trying to decide what they should do, as Angel shushes her and listens for Boyfriend Vampire’s footsteps above them. Just as Cordelia realizes what’s going, on BV crashes through. Looks like we’re getting another vampire fight on a subway! Weird sidebar: in an early season of So You Think You Can Dance there was a dance involving a table that will always be one of my favorites. Whenever I see tables, now, I’m all, “You shouldn’t have done that, because I’m just going to see this dance as inherently lesser than the other one.” I bring this up now because that’s kind of how I feel about the idea of putting another vampire fight on a subway car. You already mastered it Buffyverse. All subsequent attempts will inevitably pale in comparison. But fine. Carry on.
K: SPIKE FTW. This fight is vastly inferior.
Sweeney: Boyfriend Vampire is intrigued by Angel’s newfound interest in people who aren’t him. Cordelia confirms that Angel is all changed and stuff. BV is excited that Angel will now get to know how it feels when BV kills the woman he loves. Angel says that Boyfriend Vampire can’t because the woman he loves is already dead. I’m trying to reserve judgment, but I already dislike this device for addressing Angel’s pent up feels.
Cordelia chimes in to confirm, adding that they try not to say her name too much, which made me giggle. Boyfriend Vampire says that there’s no way Angel really loved her with all his heart because he wouldn’t be there playing games with him. That’s weird and silly because Boyfriend Vampire is currently doing that, but I guess he meant that Angel would have had to extract vengeance and commit suicide. I still don’t like this in the context of the episode/arc, but it’s interesting because it sounds consistent with what we know of Spike/Dru’s pre-Sunnydale relationship. I’m trying to find ways to make this interesting because I really don’t like this character/plot.
Anyway, they fight for a hot second (clearly taking my advice about the fight scene) before Angel gets the upper hand. He addresses this love theory and asks Boyfriend Vampire if “it’s fun until it kills you” is his idea of love. He stakes Boyfriend Vampire, but he dies slowly enough to monologue about how he actually lived, rather than just existing.
K: The hot second worth of fight is memorable only because it includes Angel stealing crutches from a guy with a broken leg and using them as weapons. Also, good work, Boyfriend Vampire, on dying slowly enough that you can deliver a major burn as your last words.
Lor: It’s not really that big of a burn. Angel loved too. He loved plenty. The point I’m taking away from this scene is that BV is CRAZY.
Sweeney: Yup. That’s the real takeaway.
Back at the Brooding Hotel, Angel is returning to the lobby, having just checked on Fred. Cordelia asks Angel how he’s doing, cutting him off before he can answer to tell him not to say he’s doing OK because he clearly hasn’t been OK since his return. (I’d only correct that she actually means “since before that and your trip didn’t make you OK like it was meant to.”) We also say Buffy’s name for the first time in the episode, when Cordelia mentions that she misses her too.
Angel insists that he is OK, and that is the problem. The fact that losing Buffy didn’t kill him and that he can deal with it. “In all those years, no one ever mattered. But she did. Now she’s gone. Forever.”
“And you’re still here,” finishes Cordelia. Angel agrees, adding that it makes it feel like he’s betraying her somehow. Cordelia says that’s ridiculous because continuing to live and help people isn’t betraying her, it’s honoring her. It’s like she heard Buffy’s speech at the end of The Gift! “You think?” asks Angel. “I‘m Cordelia. I don’t think; I know.” Precious. They smile at each other a bit and Angel says OK, before she suggests they get back to work.
I love this. I’ll talk about it more at the end, which we have almost reached, but this is a part of this episode that I really loved and appreciated.
Wesley and Gunn return because there is, indeed, work to do. Nester demons, which the Fangless Gang killed a few of, but Wesley doesn’t think they got the queen. They march off to work with dramatic hero drums playing.
Rather than rolling the end credits (which seemed like the thing that was about to happen, which is, of course, exactly why we’re doing a weird other thing, because Joss Whedon) we cut to Puerto Cabazas, Nicaragua. We’re in a bar where a shady dude comes in apologizing that it took so long to find this difficult shaman. He hands the paper to none other than a very haggard-looking Darla! He tries to flirt with her and says something about having a surprise or two, which is her cue to vamp out and eat him. “Life’s full of surprises,” she says, as she swivels around, revealing a very, very pregnant belly. End credits.
HOKAY, SHOW. THAT WAS A THING. THAT YOU DID. A THING THAT YOU DID.
Lor: UM. I DID NOT EXPECT THAT. WHAT THE HELL?
K: BRB, taking myself to the Asshole Corner to cackle about how I knew this was coming and couldn’t wait to see your reactions.
Sweeney: This episode. Let’s discuss.
(1) I didn’t like that subway scene. I said this already, but I’m saying it again. It felt very forced. I’m not a fan. Much of the Boyfriend Vampire plot felt forced, in present day and in the flashback. (Way worse in the present day, though.)
(2) I did, however, love the Angel/Cordelia scenes. All of them. They were perfect. I have missed their friendship, and I think it worked out wonderfully that their friendship has been so absent and strained for such a long time. She was the perfect person to coax the admission out of him, and it was all the more poignant because of their recent history. Given that we’re now on the third season of what is meant to be its own fully distinct show, I get why they wouldn’t want to dwell on Buffy’s passing for too long; Cordelia/Angel scenes were a great way to address that rather efficiently.
(3) Related but separate: Cordelia talking about Buffy was a great way to highlight how far she’s come. The very fact of her saying Buffy’s name reminds us of where Cordelia came from, and it’s so lovely that she is now the one to point out that staying alive and helping people is the best way to honor Buffy’s memory. I love, love, love that she was the one to point this out. She’s the most logical choice, of course, but I appreciate it all the same.
(4) I once mentioned that there was a Buzzfeed post that spoiled me on Darla’s excellent wigs. (As in, an actual point they made about Darla was, “TOTES AWESOME WIGS!”) It also spoiled me on the fact that she gets pregnant, so I knew this was coming. Sort of. Even knowing that this was coming, I didn’t actually see that last scene coming and had no idea. It was BRILLIANT to introduce the Terrible Wig Flashback so early in the episode. I assumed, as soon as I saw her name, that this episode would be the introduction of the weird pregnancy plot that I knew existed. But then the flashback made me forget about it entirely. Genius.
Lor: MEANWHILE, I HAD LEGIT NO IDEA. I never know anything.
Sweeney: I’m going to try not to think too hard about my only other experience with a work of fiction introducing extra-magical vampire semen. (K: I once read a snarky review of Twilight that included the phrase “sparkle peen”, and I’m still not done laughing about it. So I hear you, Sweeney) I’m still trying to process what exactly this means, and I’m mostly stuck on “DAFUQ?” because the possibilities are endless, and this show has broken its own fictional rules so frequently that it’s hard for me to really be too surprised by this continued bit of, “Yeah, sure, another rule has 19 exceptions. Go figure.”
Anyway, in spite of my general #meh feelings towards the Boyfriend Vampire stuff, I enjoyed this episode. It set several (though not all) of our characters on a course, of sorts, and was a nice enough set-up episode for the season, though mostly by way of that DAFUQ ending. This show seems to have less clearly defined season-long arcs than Buffy does, based on my current sample of two.
I could watch that scene where Cordelia and Angel are in the sewer forever, though.
Next time: Lilah’s back and she wants Angel’s help in Angel S03 E02 – That Vision Thing.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
