Pretty Little Liars S02 E07 – Awkward dinner.

Previously: There was a fashion show in Rosewood but it took a turn for the creepy, because this is Rosewood.
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Surface Tension

Lorraine: The episode starts with all of the girls in their separate rooms in no way referencing what happened last episode. JUST KIDDING. They are all in the Marin Manor kitchen. Emily’s explaining that some pipes broke in the house, meaning that Hanna and Em have to share a room. Hanna says that it’ll be like a never-ending sleep over and Aria and Spencer give each other hilarious side eye.

 

Sara: Aria is so good at that side eye. I can’t stop watching.

Sweeney: Those big old powderpuff eyes of hers can pull of all sorts of wonderful expressions. There’s a slight eyeroll to the Aria shrug, too, that really enhances it.

Lor: Spencer changes the subject to Officer Garrett, and whether or not he’s gotten back to Emily about Harry Balsac Logan Reed. They haven’t heard a word, though Aria thinks they should trust Officer Garrett. She says it with a totally straight face too. Spencer then reveals that they gave him $10,000. I want to punch all of them for being so incredibly dense.

Sara: Look at the checklist, girls. Is he 1) male, 2) in Rosewood, and 3) an adult? THEN HE IS BAD.

Sweeney: THEY CAN’T EVEN BE PARANOID PROPERLY. GET IT TOGETHER, GIRLS.

Lor: Yeah, I’m not really following the Liar logic beyond the point where they gave Garrett $10,000, but Spencer says that if they are too quiet A will stir the pot. Hanna replies that if they say something, A will smack them down. The door bell rings and Hanna goes off to answer it as Aria pours herself another cup of coffee and wonders why A is working so hard to keep them quiet. Emily thinks A is the one who killed Alison.

Hanna comes back into the kitchen with a large gift basket. She tells Emily to look at the card. She pulls it out and reads: “What fun. Two little Liars under one roof. You’re making it so easy. -A.”

Hanna laments that it’s not even good candy, and she throws away a box of chocolates. GIRL. YOU NEED TO STOP THROWING FOOD AWAY.

Sara: It’s interesting that you’ve noticed that, especially considering the eating disorder Hanna had. I don’t know if they’re trying to make a statement with these things, but it makes sense.

Lor: With that, we head into the SHHHHHHH.

Montgomery Manse. Aria is going through some clothes, while her mom watches. Piper Mom says that they are having a couple of people over, but it’s really not a dressy affair. Aria holds up two options and Piper Mom says she’d look lovely in both. Mike comes out of his room and Piper Mom calls after him to tell him breakfast will be ready soon, because she didn’t get the memo that Mike hates pancakes and happiness. Downstaris, Papa Cheater sees him just as he leaves.

Back upstairs, Aria holds up a black dress and Piper Mom says she likes that one because it makes her look grown-up. I laugh forever, mostly because Sweeney watched this episode before I did and sent me a few emails about how I should prepare myself for the the Pedzria jokes this episode contains. I mean, that was probably a premature LOL forever, but I’m getting warmed up.

Sweeney: Then you’re at about the right level. This was a warm up joke. Snarking is hard work; gotta limber up.

Lor: Papa Cheater and Mama Marin talk a little about who will be at their dinner party. Papa Cheater suggests inviting Ezra, because he’s still all lost puppy around the college campus. Ezra should probably stop spending so much time holed up in his office with his Pretty Little Felony and explore the campus, then. Papa Cheater says that now that he isn’t teaching Aria, there is no conflict of interest. Aria gets undercover huffy when Papa Cheater mentions telling him to bring a date.

Sara: I love how Aria acts like everyone should just know that she is dating her ex-teacher who is an adult. 

Lor: At the Marin Manor, Emily is cooking breakfast to an up-beat pop thing. When Hanna and Ashley get downstairs, she has it all set out for them. They insist she didn’t have to do this, but Em just wanted to say thank you for letting her stay with them. Over the rest of breakfast, Emily mentions having talked to her mom, a little about upping her training and being sore as a result, and Hanna jokes about how much tip they should leave Em for all her trouble.

In Spencer’s room, Papa Shitbag Hastings shows up to ask if she’s sure Toby can handle clearing out their property. Spencer insists that he can and that they can further hire him to help with the nursery construction. They owe him on account of thinking he was a big, fat murderer. Spencer weirdly mentions the fence that New Jason was building, and Papa Hastings says he called the surveyor to get that stopped, because Jason was building on their property.

At Hollis, Aria is in Ezra’s office where he has the door wide open. Aria doesn’t want him to come to dinner, but he’s already accepted the invitation. Ezra thinks it’s a good idea, because they need to find a way to make her parents understand that they are a couple. Ezra knows that things didn’t go well during Ian’s funeral, “but at your parent’s house, a nice adult atmosphere, they’d get used to seeing us across from them at the table.”

I’m sorry, Ezra just said “parent’s house” and “adult atmosphere” to his fetus girlfriend. LOL. Sure, okay, you baby-loving freak– you’ll totally get that adult atmosphere at the place where she still has a curfew. Additionally, this entire scene is hard to take seriously because of Aria’s big ass, shiny backpack. I think she has a trapper keeper, her lunch and a blankey in there. Ezra just said “baby step.” LOLOLOL. I can’t, I can’t. I have to get out of this scene.

Sara: Punniest episode yet. I like when Aria says, “Dad did say you aren’t my teacher anymore, so it’s not a conflict of interest.” GIRL, HE MEANT TO BE IN A HOUSE TOGETHER, NOT TO BANG.

Sweeney: SO AMAZING. You know how the final Twilight movie included that LOLJK (shut up, we’re recapping PLL, I fucking know both of you bitches saw that trash) murder scene? The final movie was the best one because it was the most self-aware. That’s kind of how I feel about this episode. Whoever wrote this one was like, “You guys. I can’t not make all the jokes about this pedolationship.” (I just looked it up; it’s Joseph Dougherty and he has  few other episodes this season. Excellent. He’s also responsible for the Verizon infomercial.)

Lor: God, I cannot tell you the RAGE I felt when we were LOLJK’d. That murder scene was the best fucking thing to ever happen to the story, so of course it wasn’t real. UGH.

ANYWAY. Hanna and Emily are in front of Rosewood’s Center for Lunch and Relationship Drama and Once in a While a Class. Hanna is telling Emily to relax with that whole, “I’m a guest in your house,” stuff, but relaxing is a foreign concept to Em. They spot Caleb getting into a brief shoving match with someone. Emily goes ahead inside and Hanna waits for Caleb. He tells her that he “pimped” some guy’s phone, but he won’t pay him. Hanna starts trying to solution this for Caleb, but he tells her she can’t fight all his battles. The hold hands and head inside. We watch them go and so does someone in a black Mustang.

Montgomery Manse. I guess it’s after school now? TIME IS SO WEIRD IN ROSEWOOD. Papa Cheater reminds Mike about the dinner they are having the next night, and he keeps saying he’s busy. He won’t even turn around. He just looks at his dad through a rearview mirror he’s got propped up on his desk. Papa Cheater snaps at him, and sternly tells him to make himself unbusy for the dinner. Mike agrees and Papa Cheater leaves. Mike looks in the rearview again, and this time we can see a piece of tape that says “parents,” so that it reads, “Parents in mirror are closer than they appear.”

Sara: I’m not a big fan of Papa Cheater, but it felt like the show was being all, “Look at him yell and be an ass!” when really, my parents would have destroyed my life if I had ignored them like that. Rude.

Sweeney: Oh, I disagree. I think the show was trying to say, “Look at him actually attempt to parent!” (Later on they’re probably going for the “being an ass” vibe.) They’re definitely trying to set Mike up as a shady character, possibly even someone with ties to A — at this point in the episode. I just don’t even want to give him that partial credit for effort as a parent because I still think he’s a selfish, whiny prick.

Lor: Outside of the Hastings House, Toby is already working on clearing out the yard. I appreciate his initiative, but this pretty much makes it seem like he was waiting right outside the door until he got the go ahead. Toby explains that these days when someone offers them a job, he doesn’t give them the chance to change their mind. Fair, Toby. Fair. Spencer jokes about fanning herself while he works or making him a sandwich. Papa Hastings pops in and Toby takes the opportunity to show him some sketches he made for the barn plans. Papa Hastings looks moderately impressed and Spencer looks super impressed. She doesn’t even mind that he’s all sweaty. SPOBY KISSES.

Back at school, OH MY GOD, WHAT TIME OF DAY IS IT, Aria finds Piper Mom talking to Jason DiLaurentis. Apparently, he’s offered to talk to stoner types about life after high school… where you come into family money, buy a house and black out the windows all while complimenting minors on their pink hair? HOKAY.

Sara: Sign me up for this Life After High School program now, please.

Lor: After Jason leaves, Piper Mom says she invited Jason to dinner and Aria gives her some Big Eyes. Piper Mom explains that she figured he could use some human companionship. She brings up the fashion show, and Aria says that none of her friends had anything to do with it. Piper Mom believes her, but doesn’t like the idea of anyone bullying or terrorizing the girls. I give her lots of points for noticing that as a thing and trying to address it. Of course Aria’s just all, “nothing to see here!” Piper Mom says that Ezra is coming to dinner too and she should get used to calling him Ezra. No one mentions that she’s probably moaned that name before.

Sara: EW, LORRAINE. WHY. WHY DID YOU PUT THAT IN MY HEAD.

Sweeney: LOLOLOL. I love you, Lor. But also EW.

Lor: I’m sorry. Sometimes these snarky thoughts have a mind of their own.

At the Marin Manor, we are in Hanna’s room and I’m pretty sure this is the first time we’ve seen it. Weird. Hanna is listening to music and flipping through a magazine. She’s got earphones in, but she’s singing loudly. Emily is studying and tries to get her attention, finally resorting to throwing a stuffed animal.

Hanna is upbeat and chatty, and Emily rubs her sore shoulder again. Something is clearly wrong. Emily tries to ask about Caleb and his shady side business but Hanna doesn’t want to talk about it.

At school the next day, Aria asks Emily how it’s going and she says it’s like even school nights are sleep overs. Aria interprets the correct amount of “uh-oh” attached to that statement but Emily insists that she’s super grateful the Marins took her in. Spencer walks up and asks Emily about those $10,000 she gave Officer Garrett. Em says she’s been super busy with practice. Spencer doesn’t kick her in the shins. Instead, she asks if she can go talk to Officer Garrett herself. Emily jumps all over that idea and bails. Spencer tries to get Aria to come with her to talk to Garrett, but Aria has to go home and help with dinner. Spencer is confident that Ezra will do great. Aria is also worried about Jason. She fills Spencer in on how her mom invited him to dinner.

Later, Spencer is talking to Officer Garrett who tells her that Logan Reed is MIA. He hasn’t been to classes and his roommate hasn’t seen him. Officer Garrett basically tells Spencer not to hold her breath.

At the Marin Manor, Piper Mom is talking to Mama Marin about the fashion show and their kids being bullied. Piper Mom doesn’t think this is just starting now, and that the girls are being harassed. Seriously, it is like 29 episodes later, but I want to give Piper Mom all the points FOR FINALLY NOTICING. It probably won’t stick, but whatevs.

Sara: Womp, I guess I lost the Which Mom Figured It Out First game. Thanks a lot, Mama Fields.

Sweeney: Nah, she was DQ’d. I still +1 your vote for Mama Fields. I also support this general boost to Piper Mom’s status. I didn’t have a particularly high opinion of her to begin with, but being the first to say, “SOME REALLY SHADY STUFF HAS BEEN HAPPENING TO OUR DAUGHTERS FOR A WHILE NOW,” earned her manymany points.

Lorraine: Mama Marin says that if you look hard enough, it’s easy to start seeing connections everywhere. Piper Mom had to talk to someone about it though, and Mama Fields is in Texas and this isn’t a phone conversation. Mama Marin asks about the Hastings, and Piper Mom gives a hilarious tilt of the head that makes me love her. Ashley says that she thinks they gave into that whole therapist and separating the girls thing too quickly, and she isn’t going to do that again. Piper Mom still holds that it seemed to make sense at the moment, but Ashley says that it was only best for Papa Shitbag Hastings and his own interests.

With that, we cut to Toby doing more work at the Hasting’s House. He hits something while shoveling and uncovers it. It appears to be a broken field hockey stick. I’ll be honest and say that I originally thought “hockey stick???” and Sara had to nudge me in the right direction. By that I mean she said, “right, but not hockey.” The stick has “Hastings” written on it.

Sara: It could be a hockey stick! But then 15-year old Flashback Spencer wouldn’t be able to wear that porny looking field hockey uniform.

Lor: And then she wouldn’t attract all the pedos on the block.

As toby’s examining the stick, Papa Hastings creepily appears to ask what he’s got. Toby starts to explain what he was doing when Shitbag grabs the stick out of his hands and asks where he found it. Toby says half a foot down on the property line. Papa Hastings says he’ll take care of it. Toby starts asking follow-up questions because he forgot about that job security thing. Papa Hastings is good at not answering those questions, though.

The dinner party at the Montgomery Manse is under way with some couple talking about their kids and Aria offering to baby-sit. Mike is a no-show so far. Ezra arrives and he comes bearing gifts for the hosts. Jason arrives too and he has flowers. Ezra gives them a weird look.

Toby told Spencer about the stick he found and she’s freaked. He describes it to her and it causes her to go into an Aliback. Ali, Spencer and Aria are in Spencer’s back yard and she’s giving the stick to Ali, saying it’s just an old practice stick. Aria wants to know when Alison became interested in field hockey. She says she’s just considering her options. Aria speaks Alison and translates that perhaps she’s really interested in someone who is interested in field hockey. Spencer says boys don’t play field hockey, and Alison says you don’t have to play to be interested. That’s a pretty gross thing to say when you consider that it’s probably about that creepy guy who liked to make videos of little girls undressing.

Sara: Alison has some serious issues with men. Which makes sense, because of how she lives in Rosewood.

Sweeney: We haven’t met her dad yet, but I bet he’s the Shitbaggiest Shitbag of them all.

Lor: Spencer calls Aria after the Aliback and fills her in. Spencer thinks it’s the murder weapon and anyone could’ve used it. With that we head back into the Aliback. New Jason shows up and says that their mom wants Alison. He grabs the stick from Alison, and she asks for it back but he holds it out of her reach. Then, he lifts it above his head and moves like he’s going to hit her with it. Alison flinches, but then just grabs it out of Jason’s hand. She waits a beat and tries to hit Jason, but he catches the stick mid-air, easily. He tells Alison she won’t get a second chance. This was all disturbing and weird. End Aliback.

Spencer is super anti-Jason, but Aria is more reluctant. She thinks maybe it was A who planted the stick, but Spence points out that they weren’t even the ones who found it. Aria has to go but promises to think about what this all means.

Sara: The worst part about Jason pretending to hit Alison is that her face looked legit terrified for a moment, like she honestly thought he would do that to her. It makes my heart hurt a little for Alison and whatever is going on that we don’t know about.

Lor: Emily gets ready to go to the library, because she has different ideas about studying than Hanna, who often studies at the mall. She likes a little more peace and quiet.

Sara: “It’s a brain thing,” is such a great response.

Lor: Caleb arrives and Emily leaves quickly. Once Caleb confirms that they are home alone, HALEB KISSES.

At the Awkward Dinner party, Ezra is talking about his travels by bike, inspired by authors he loves, because of course. Jason jumps in with a story about biking his pain away. Kill me now. Thankfully, death isn’t necessary because the prattle is interrupted by a knock on the door. It’s an officer and for once, he isn’t here for Aria. He’s here to make the dinner party more awkward by announcing that Mike’s been arrested for breaking into a house. Aria and Jason exchange significant looks, while the Montgomerys head out to fetch their delinquent son. Everyone else is thinking, “so more booze, yeah?”

Sara: Doesn’t this seem like the douchiest party ever? Also, isn’t this the right moment to shut the party down?

Sweeney: (1) This is Gossip Cop! He’s an extra with a SAG card! (2) The fact that Gossip Cop wouldn’t ask them to chat on the porch or make any effort whatsoever at discretion when he sees all the people in the house is pretty indicative of how terrible Rosewood PD is. (3) YES. SHUT THE PARTY DOWN. Who the hell would stay after that? Or is everyone just all, “Ah yes, Rosewood. Another visit from the cops. NBD, NBD.”

Lor: It’s stupid and ridiculous. They don’t leave because Mike just engaged in a little B&E, but staying for pedo-feels time is WAY  MORE IMPORTANT.

Toby is leaving the Hastings House for the night when Papa Hastings pulls up. He calls out to Toby and tries to down play the stick he found. He thinks Toby shouldn’t even mention it to Spencer, but it’s too late for that. Shitbag wants to know what she said, but Toby only says that the stick didn’t mean anything to her. Shitbag smirks and says there is no reason to tell Spencer about the conversation they are having at the moment. Toby says he won’t, but he looks pained as Shitbag swaggers away.

Back at the Awkward Dinner Party, Aria is trying to keep busy. Ezra asks her who Jason is, and Aria just says the obvious about him being Alison’s brother. She goes over to offer him coffee, leaving Ezra behind, and they start talking about Mike. She feels really bad, mostly because she’s making the B&E all about her. She really is good at that. Ezra watches Aria talk to Jason and he isn’t happy.

Byron and Ella are leaving the police station with Mike, and he’s bratting that he doesn’t want to talk about it. I laugh as I think about trying to ever say that to my mother or father at that age. LOL. (S: RIGHT?!) Byron is pissed and says they are going to talk whether he likes it or not. Mike asks how their dinner party was, and Byron serves it back with a, “fine until you B&E’d, asshole.” Something like that. Piper Mom calls Byron off, and they let Mike sit in the car. Piper Mom tells Byron he’s angry and they need to be asking why Mike is doing this, and what could be so bad that he wouldn’t talk to them about his issues. I don’t know why they don’t automatically remember how crappy their home life has been up until two episodes and magic pancakes ago.

At the Awkward Dinner Party, which is basically now just a Tale of Two Pedos, Jason is asking Ezra questions about teaching and this wonderful thing happens:

Sara: This is my second UGH, SO FUCKING GROSS, STOP IT of the episode.

Sweeney: I WAS TOO BUSY LAUGHING. I think this is when I paused the episode to email Lor because I couldn’t handle it any longer. THIS IS HILARIOUS. I know New Jason is a creep and also probably going to join the pedophile club, but he just earned like 20 points from me for this. I really hope these jokes continue being a thing.

Lor: Everyone knows about this stupid pedolationship, I swear it. The pedo-snark is just writing itself at this point.

Upstairs, Aria is going through Mike’s shit and finding all sorts of stolen goods, including that light spinny thing Jenna made in pottery class. Aria rushes back downstairs and unceremoniously dismisses the men. I mean, her reason of Mike not having to deal with strangers when he gets home is legit, but she’s all breathy and rushed and her Pedobears are shocked. Outside, they just exchange looks and wish each other good night.

Sara: They are both so beyond creepy at this point, I don’t even know what to say. Why are two grown fucking men sitting around, hanging out with a 16-year old girl after her parents have left to go… You know what? Nevermind. Stupid. This is stupid and gross.

Sweeney: It’s a lot less funny and more stupid and gross when you put it that way. I need to go take a shower now. Thanks, Rosewood!

Lorraine: Promoting cleanliness but also mass water consumption since day 1.

Marin Manor. Caleb is on the phone doing shady business and Hanna gives him A Look. After he’s done, he says he’s practically legit now, compared to stuff he used to do, but doesn’t want to elaborate. Hanna says that’s fine, but then starts talking about natural vs. synthetic extensions, and it only takes about 10 seconds of that before Caleb’s all, “ALRIGHT. WE’LL TALK ABOUT MY WOLFY, SHADY PAST.”

Sara: Why couldn’t we have gotten some shirtless Caleb flashbacks?! 100% necessary to the story. (1986 REMINDER.)

Lor: The fully clothed story is basically about how he used hack into the DMV and launder VIN numbers. He got out before it went too far, but his criminal cohorts were none too happy. He’s never told anyone that story, and Hanna promises never to share.

At the Hastings House, Spencer comes downstairs and finds her father crouched near a fire. She tries to grab the field hockey stick away from him, but he won’t let her and in a moment mirroring the Aliback, lifts the stick above his head like he might strike. He says he’s tired of asking questions and that this should be over, now that Ian is buried. He doesn’t care what the stick means and he doesn’t want to find out. Spencer says it could be important and he asks, “like the trophy you found?” Ouch. Burn. He throws the stick into the fire and Spencer cries as she watches it burn.

Later, Spencer and Toby are in her backyard again, where bad things happen. He tells her about lying to her dad about the stick not meaning anything. Spencer is upset because at first she thought her father thought she was the killer. Now, she believes he think she planted the stick, and that she’s fishing for attention. Her answer to this, though, is to keep investigating what really happened to Ali. I’m preemptively calling this a bad plan.

Sweeney: What’s so fucked up about this, to me, is that after everything the lack of trust between Spencer and her parents is pretty much a permanent fixture. Shitbag Hastings has been super shady lately. Spencer has been watching him be super shady. But the Hastings parents did such a number on her — never trusting a single damned thing she said, and siding with Ian over her consistently — that she automatically assumes that this is about her being perceived as an attention-seeking liar. She’s a 16-year-old girl who has been through hell, and this is where her relationship with her parents stands? My heart breaks for her. And I hate him.

Lor: A+ and agreed.

In Hanna’s room, she telling Emily about confession time with Caleb, though she isn’t specific. She’s still rubbing on her sore shoulder while she assures Hanna that she doesn’t mind not knowing all the specifics. Emily has enough secrets of her own to keep. Hanna assures her that she’ll do great and get into Danby and her parents won’t ever know she lied. Emily says she’s happy she’s with Hanna and happy Caleb came back for her.

Hanna’s parent get back home, giggling and eventually kissing. Hanna spies them and watches Papa Marin follow Magic Vagina up the stairs. Hanna doesn’t look very happy about this development.

Sara: Have I mentioned yet today how much I hate Papa Shitbag Marin?

Lor: Reminders are always welcome.

At the Montgomery Manse, Aria confronts Mike with his bag of stolen goods. She yells at him for stealing from Spencer, Emily and even Blind Jenna. Mike says he never stole from Blind Jenna, and that he got the pottery candle thing from Officer Garrett’s apartment, when he went in search of a gun. That gun thing doesn’t alert Aria AT ALL, because she’s more worried about Jenna Marshall’s pottery and why it was in Officer Garret’s apartment.

Speak of the devil, Spencer is sitting in a car with Officer Garrett. She asks him questions about how much the police know about the murder weapon and his general answer is that it doesn’t matter because Ian did it and Ian is dead. Spencer is not so sure, and Garrett asks why not right before he gets a call on the radio and Spencer gets a text from Aria saying they can’t trust Garrett.

Officer Garrett asks who Spencer thinks killed called and we zoom dramatically out of the police car.

Sweeney: This is not even that dramatic. Easy fix: “I don’t know. You’re right. I’m just still so paranoid after everything. I’m glad you have my back. Blah blah blah.” GTFO.

Lor: Right. But I’m sure the shock of not being able to trust someone of voting age has paralyzed Spencer. Because that never happens.

A-nonymous: Leather gloved hands are using a syringe to transfers some liquid from a vial into a larger medicine vial. So, leather boots and now this? IDK, A. You need to give me more to work with.

 

Next time: Emily’s dad shows up for a swim meet and she freaks out in Pretty Little Liars S02 E08 – Save the Date.