Previously: The gang took on more jobs than they could mange in order to bring in some extra cash for the Prophecy Baby. Fortunately the end-of-episode lesson also came with a Chrome Alien Suitcase of Cash, which should carry us through a few episodes or however long The Great Contrivance Spirit says it should carry us through.
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Sweeney: We open with Wesley looking at a sketch in a book of a demon lady with six boobs as he talks about how lovely it is. We pan up and as he starts talking about her eyes it’s clear that he really means Fred. Cordelia tries to get him back on track as she confirms that the demon in the picture is, in fact, the one from her vision. Then she encourages Wesley to ask Fred out so that he can stop being so moony. He’s precious when he asks Cordelia if he is, “very boring on the subject.”
Cordelia is also kind of awesome when she teases him about how he used to think she was extraordinary and he takes the bait. She tells him to calm down and makes a snarky comment that implies that Phantom Dennis gets her off with a loofah. The whole Buffyverse has gotten loads dirtier this year! This is an absolutely creepmusing anecdote and I have to wonder if that wasn’t the writers nodding to what I now suspect HAS to have been a fanfic thing. If it wasn’t, they certainly just made it one.
Kirsti: I like to picture the writers throwing darts at big sheets of names to see what ships they can allude to next. Unrelated: Cordelia’s fringe has suddenly gotten worse again.
Lorraine: The first reaction I had during this episode was a big, “NOOOO!” when I saw the micro-bangs. UGH.
Sweeney: Yes! Awful! I should have mentioned it at the start, but I’ve stopped thinking too much about Cordelia’s consistently insane hair.
Anyway, as Wesley is awkwardly trying to pretend he heard nothing, Angel walks up asking who is doing what with the loofah. He doesn’t care, though, because he’s too busy making everyone uncomfortable with his smiling. He’s smiling because he’s holding a thing in his hand and they’re all, “Stepping out.”
Cut away to Gunn saying, “You are a remarkable woman,” only he’s actually saying it to Fred. He’s just referring to her ability to eat all the food even though she’s tiny. He also nonchalantly calls her gorgeous, which in spite of its being true because she’s played by Amy Acker and TV rules, it’s obviously not a thing that shy, nerdy, spent-five-years-living-in-a-cave-in-a-demon-dimension can hear as an off-the-cuff comment.
K: I’m kind of in love with how quickly we see the differences between Gunn and Wes here. Wes gushes about Fred to Cordy but never mentions anything to Fred. Gunn, on the other hand, just repeatedly drops into conversation how awesome he thinks Fred is. In short, Wes is a fangirl. And not the Kate Middleton/Katie Holmes/Tracy Turnblad kind of fangirl where they end up in a relationship with the person they fangirled over. The regular kind who spends too much time on Tumblr.
Sweeney: I love everything about this comment. 1430.
They proceed inside, though, where Gunn is excited that Angel has tickets. They turn out to not be the tickets he was expecting, though. Angel bought tickets to the ballet and nobody has any fucks to give, even though he is so excited. He saw this ballet as Angelus and cried like a baby. I’m so excited about this adorable scene with my Angel OTP — Angel/Art!
Guys, we haven’t even gotten to the special guest star and I already love this episode. LOOK AT ALL THIS FANG GANG GOODNESS. There’s a heartstomp in my near future, huh? WAIT, DON’T TELL ME. LET ME HAVE THIS NOW.
Lor: I was just going to say, “LOOK AT THEM! LOOK AT THEM BE AMAZING!” and it hurts even more because they have all this potential tension just brewing under the surface, with all the romance stuff that’s being built. Alas, I think we must now move on.
Sweeney: We move on to the ballet where two dudes, one who is not creepy and thus probably not important, and one who is creepy and wearing suspiciously tiny glasses and a red pendant. He gets lots of attention from the zoomy cameraman. Normal Guy is so excited about this ballet and Suspicious Glasses says that it will be, “The performance of a lifetime. I guarantee it.” Only we pan up to see that they are being watched by their very own white gloved A! That’s probably not what’s going on, but sometimes we give confusing TV instead of good TV. There’s a noise too, but I can’t tell if it’s laughing or crying. Less thinking, more electric cellos.
After the credits, Cordelia and Fred are shopping and Fred is intimidated by the fanciness of the store where they’re shopping, what their current state of poverty being severe enough that she nearly lost her head recently. Cordelia explains that they’re just going to hide the tags so that they can return the dresses the next day, because Cordelia’s been-there-done-that with faking rich. Fred accepts that and then starts Fred rambling a story about her excitement that ends with her first sexual dream, because Fred.
Fred changes the subject to getting Cordelia a dress to impress Angel. Time for me to sidebar and keep being a total curmudgeon who ruins everyone’s fun by not liking things. I mentioned last time that I don’t like this new bludgeoning of the audience with the Angel/Cordelia romantic arc. For starters, I love their friendship. That aside, I don’t object to that developing in to a romantic arc (the scene with Connor at the end of the last episode was precious) but this goading from Fred kind of reminds me of why it’s a bit of a shame that they are clearly ruining ALL THE PLATONIC FRIENDSHIPS ALL AT ONCE. Can we just not allow Cordelia to have her own champion arc where she’s not in love with Angel? It feels like it’s on a par with giving Willow a magic addiction to take her down a few pegs, only more frustrating, because Cordelia had so much promise. I’m getting ahead of myself, because maybe they’ll course-correct and I’ll like this, but I have a feeling, based on the comments, that I won’t. The fact that they’re doing this AND the Fred love triangle simultaneously irritates me.
K: As a non-Snow, allow me to say this:
Sweeney: Preemptive rant aside, I do like the Cordelia/Fred scene otherwise, just as I like the Angel/Lorne scene we cut to. (And seriously, how does Cordelia not know that Angel would totally spend the day freaking out about his outfit. OF COURSE HE DID.) Lorne also wants to get straight to the feels talk because he read Angel and also maybe watches the show. Angel gets touchy about Lorne reading him, but Lorne says he can’t help it and repeats the Pylean word Fred used a while back, which basically means that two CHAMPIONS (shots!) are bound to end up together. Shots for Angel’s life once again being dictated by FATE, too? Because for a show whose thesis is, “all that matters is what we do,” Angel sure does have to be fate’s bitch a hell of a lot.
Lor: To add my piece into the preemptive rant, I really don’t like what this whole CHAMPION! business implies. I mean, I know that Cordelia and Angel are the supernaturally able of the bunch but the entire thing seems to discredit the rest of the Fang Gang. It makes me a little sad, or maybe I’m tired of the damn CHAMPION! thing. WE GET IT.
Sweeney: Agreed on this note as well. For all the ranting Lorne does have a good few sentences in favor of this relationship, basically talking about how great they are. He starts to lose me when he implies he’s into Cordelia, which I find dubious, but he loses me again when I have to finish my drink for CHAMPdelia.
Angel’s struggling with what to do and as he starts to say, “Cordelia, she’s…” that’s her cue to enter and ask him to finish that sentence. She’s wearing her very fancy dress, but that up-do is questionable in part because it highlights her hideous bangs. They ooh and aah accordingly, and Cordelia tells them that she’s decided that in honor of the ballet they’re going to stop being dreary, because it’s the middle of the season and it’s time to for the show to trick us into smiling before stabbing us.
Downstairs, Gunn is really afraid of coming out in his tux, and he tells Fred that she has to promise not to laugh at him. She calls him a little girl, but promises anyway. He comes out and they have this moment where they stare at each other uncomfortable, but impressed. Then Fred laughs and Gunn laments all these new trust issues. All is well when Fred tells him that he’s so pretty, and that tonight feels kind of magical.
K: They’re all kinds of adorable and I adore them, but I really wish the costume department could have found J. August Richards a better fitting tux. Not only is the jacket a REALLY terrible fit, but he’s not even wearing a tuxedo shirt, for crying out loud. (I have excessive exposure to men in evening wear thanks to having a younger brother who’s in a choir) Um. Carry on…
Sweeney: I will never deny someone the opportunity to demand that we get the menfolk in better tuxes. Or more tuxes. Mostly I’d like to advocate more tuxedos.
Just as Fred asks if that’s stupid, Wesley puts a shawl over Fred. Damn it, show. The others come down the stairs and Cordelia receives the additional compliments. Wesley continues his gentlemanly shawl-application, giving Cordelia the opportunity to whisper that, “The iron is hot.” DAMN IT, SHOW. Wesley’s so happy and my heart is so anxious for him. Why are you doing this to him? Hasn’t he been through enough after that awful misogyny demon?
Once they’re at the theater, they chat about their seats a bit. They are perfectly arranged for their romantic subplots, with Fred between Gunn and Wesley and Cordelia and Angel in the row behind them. Angel makes a joke about how “back in the day” he used to get box seats, but probably mostly because he ate the people in them. Cordelia’s not really down to reminisce, because murdering people puts a downer on budding romances.
K: Also once they’re at the theatre, I stop to yell “THIS IS *NOT* HOW AUSTRALIANS DRESS FOR THE BALLET!!!” at the screen. Black trousers, a nice top and heels? Yes. A ballgown? Hahahahahaha, NOPE.
Lor: Well, I mean, I certainly didn’t wear a ballgown for the city ballet’s production of The Nutcracker, but if this troupe is as prestigious as it’s made out to be, yes. Ballgown. And it is fantastic, so there.
Sweeney: Kirsti, we just went over the need for more tuxedos! And fancy dresses! The Fang Gang so rarely gets to look this snazzy, so whatever. Besides…they’re not Australian…. Anyway, the ballet gets started and it’s time for special guest SUMMER GLAU to make her entrance.
Lor: AHHHH!! I was completely unspoiled and when I saw her I did some very excited clapping and squee’ing! I LOVE HER SO MUCH.
Sweeney: Wikipedia tells me she was homeschooled from grades 3-12 so that she could have more time for becoming an awesome ballerina. COOL. Suspicious Glasses is watching and he thinks she’s cool too. Cordelia less so, because she’s snoring. Gunn, however leans forward in wide-eyed appreciation. Angel’s got constipated face, which I deduce means that he senses something amiss here. I feel like ELJ, updating you on the status of everyone’s eyes. BRB, GOTTA GO BACK AND COUNT THE BLINKS.
Lor: Only the spontaneous ones!
Sweeney: Intermission. Everyone applauds and Cordelia wakes up. As they leave their seats, Gunn fanboys that Angel was totes right about the excellence of this ballet. Wesley agrees, and asks Angel if the choreography has changed much. “No. Nothing’s changed.” He goes on to explain that this is the actual same troupe that he saw in 1890. Ominous music plays as Angel asks how they’re watching people who should have died. Cordelia just wants to know if there are snacks involved in this puzzle.
K: Meanwhile, I’m too busy squeeing over how awesome it is that they made Gunn love ballet to notice anything that happens after that in this scene.
Sweeney: Agreed! His ballet-loving fanboying is the cutest. After a Not Commercial Break, Wesley’s first guess is vampires, which allows Gunn to ballet-nerd out some more. Angel shuts that theory down, though, because he is sure he’d sense it (with his super sense of smell). It’s decided that Angel and Cordelia will go snoop while the others enjoy the rest of the ballet, since Angel’s already seen it and Cordelia’s sleeping anyway.
Inside, though, they see that the hallway goes on for eternity. They’re not sure what kind of magic is at play there, so they want to go find the others to talk options. When they turn around the door has vanished.
Upstairs, Summer Glau is still dancing away, while Suspicious Glasses and the Love Triangle (new band name!) watch from their respective seats.
Angel and Cordelia stumble across Summer Glau’s dressing room, which Angel can tell is unchanged, by all the familiar-looking old shit. Cordelia sits down and picks up a necklace, saying that she would wait for him there. They both feel that it’s very warm and something happened there. Cordelia tells Angel that she wants him to undress her because it’s just another costume. Angel is vaguely resisting, because he’s been possessed by ghosts before. Been there, done that.
Cordelia snaps out of it too, but then Angel goes full-possession, and so the scene plays out. Apparently Summer Glau’s love affair was something torrid and they were worried about someone else finding them. Probably Suspicious Glasses. Possessed Angel ain’t afraid of shit though. Possessed Cordelia is, “only alive when [he’s] inside [her].”
WAIT. It’s looking like I gave the wrong rant. IS THIS HOW THEY’RE GOING TO MAKE THIS A THING? JOSS WHEDON, YOU ARE TESTING MY FUCKING PATIENCE.
After a Not Commercial Break, we see the ballet and then them, breaking out of their big kiss when Angel get burned by a cross Cordelia has on her. They’re both confused and disoriented. They’re saying that they need to get out of there and make out on their way to the door. All right, fine. Separate rant withheld. Cordelia jokes that it’s a good thing that the effects wear off right away, and Angel takes off his jacket to hide his awkward boner.
K: I never noticed that in my previous watches, so I *may* have snorted water out of my nose on this rewatch…
Sweeney: Back at the Brooding Hotel, Lorne is singing Connor to sleep. Part of his song is about his totally legit resentment at not being invited, because obviously Lorne would want to go! He jokes about selling him to a vampire cult, just as we are treated to some weird zoomy camera action coming from the lobby. Lorne grabs an axe and we see the door open and Lorne says, “Oh my god,” but we cut away before we see who/what it is, so I predict misdirection.
Angel and Cordelia are walking the halls trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Cordelia realizes that she said something important back there and they put the whole secret lover puzzle together, adding that it’s probably the reason they’re trapped. Cordelia concludes that they have to go back in there. Angel is “marveling at the wrongness of that idea.” Cordelia insists that it’s the only way they’ll ever get out of there, and she’s sure nobody will “get happy” if they just play the scene real quick and go. Angel’s concerned about how much talking is actually left in the scene, particularly since his prior experience with being possessed by the ghosts of old lovers ended in a gunshot wound, though that detail is only hinted at.
K: Can we all just stop and pine for Buffy season 2 for a minute? Sigh. Simpler times…
Lor: Yes. And this is a reminder that I miss crossover magic.
Sweeney: Cordelia goes on to say that since it’s not them, so the awkward will be manageable. It’s not them, and as long as there’s no sex it’s whatever. Angel says that is them and he falters in his explanation, so Cordelia misreads it as a grossness factor. There are a lot of things going on here, but I approve of Cordelia’s still being on team BFF. I have mixed emotions about this magic sex device now that they’re voluntarily walking back into it. I can calm down and be less ragey, but it makes me wicked uncomfortable.
Back in the audience, we see that Wesley and Gunn are both doing the awkward slow creep of the hand to the girl’s thigh. Is it just me or is that a weird choice of intro for grown ass men? Like, the first move you’re going to make on me is while I’m sitting in a theater, with still more time to spend stuck next to you? Why does that seem like a good idea to anyone over the age of 15? Bad play, boys. It’s stopped short by Fred, realizing that Angel and Cordelia have been gone too long.
K: I interpreted it as the slightly less creepy but still awkward slow-creep-towards-hand-holding. Still a weird intro to the “Hey, I’d like for us to face-nom and have sexy times” idea, but less weird than thigh groping.
Lor: The second hand embarrassment for me when Wesley’s hand started creeping was off the charts. I truly paused the episode and looked away.
Sweeney: I accept your less-gropey, probably more accurate version. That’s way less creepy, though still an awkward way to initiate.
Inside Summer Glau’s dressing room, Angel and Cordy try to make the scene happen. They try to talk through it, and just as Angel’s about to give up, Cordelia kisses him. Meanwhile, the other three stumble across the knocked out security guard and we see two shadowy figures are watching as the same weird A laugh/cry track from earlier plays.
Ballet A Team goes to Suspicious Glasses, and I assume they relate what they’ve seen, but it’s just that weird emotive noise. Suspicious Glasses tells them to sort their shit because he’s busy watching the show, even though he’s been watching this for over a century.
The ballet continues as Angel and Cordelia’s possessed sex happens. Possessed!Cordelia says that the troubling HE has power they should be afraid of, which is Possessed!Angel’s cue to get it in. Yeah, definitely falling on the side of uncomfortable, since they established beforehand that they were doing this with the assumption that sex wouldn’t be part of the equation. It feels like they bludgeoned us with their romantic arc in recent episodes for no other reason than to take down the rapey vibe on this magical possession shit.
Lor: I agree, and I don’t know what happened below the frame here that made Cordelia swoon, but I didn’t assume, “get it in,” as much as a touch of some other kind.
Sweeney: Got it. Definitely some touching beyond the basic face-nomming they both thought they were in for. They continue to play out the scene. The guy they’re afraid of thinks that he owns her because he owns the company and they want to run away but she wants his help to be not afraid.
The other three are wandering the halls and they hear the moaning. Wesley says it sounds like someone is in pain and hilariously Fred is the one to recognize that it’s sex moaning. Awesome.
As Cordelia’s clothes come off, the scene is interrupted by the Ballet A Team. “Thank God!” shouts Cordelia as she scrambles to get dressed while Angel fights with one of the dudes and jumps over her to tackle another as he shows up.
In the halls, the Love Triangle is walking to the source of the noise when GUNN GETS STABBED IN THE STOMACH. I did not see that coming. Wes tries to tell Fred to stay close or some nonsense, but as Gunn collapses, she BAMFs out and goes to town on the guy who stabbed him, and tosses Wesley a sword. Get it, Winifred Burkle.
Cordelia’s doing some ass kicking of her own. Once the guys are down, she’s all, “OK GOTTA GO!” adding that it’s less about their potential alive/deadness and more about all the sexual possession going down in that room.
Out in the hall, Wesley is getting his own share of BAMF on, because there’s plenty to go around. The track is definitely a laugh track because Wesley jokes about it when he kills his Ballet A Team member.
Fred is patching Gunn up, and he’s joking that it’s not that bad. She’s legitimately upset, though, and he’s a little slow in realizing it, jokingly quoting Othello. When Gunn finally catches up, he’s touched that she’s that worked up about him and they re-quote the line back and forth to one another before they kiss. Awww, that’s so sweet.
Lor: I know it is, but my feelings on the subject are basically, “BUT WESLEY.”
Sweeney: Right, I was allowing them that moment, because obvs the show was going to get us there quickly enough. Naturally, Wesley walks up as they kiss, so that we can a little heartstomp in there. He walks off, dragging the sword behind him, and collapses with feels. MY FEELS TOO, WESLEY. I HAVE THEM TOO. He looks up toward the camera and the music gets more ominous as we cut to Suspicious Glasses sitting in the audience AND OH MY GOD NOT AGAIN. SHOW. I JUST ASKED YOU IF YOU HADN’T PUT HIM THROUGH ENOUGH YET. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO HIM?
K: Honestly, could anyone but Whedon make us squee and then huddle on the Couch of Feels in the foetal position in the space of thirty seconds? I suspect not.
Sweeney: That is a super special skill of his.
The other four find each other and they update each other, stab wounds, and all the back story they learned, though without mention of how they learned it. As Cordelia starts to explain the deal with Suspicious Glasses, Wesley appears, explaining that he was obsessed with the girl and we found her with the man, he went into a jealous rage. Suspicious Glasses swore that Summer Glau would dance for him forever. Wesley is explaining all of this in megacreep voice, but snaps out of it when Fred asks how he learned all this and Wesley says that he hit a hot spot too.
Wesley goes on to say that this magic has to be maintained somehow and they want to do some sort of magical power surge. Just then, recently stabbed Ballet A Team members get up and start multiplying. That’s a great minion trick!
Except not really. More minions killed = more minions made, but it saps SG’s energy, as we see by a flickering in their surroundings. Wesley sends Angel to find SG’s power source, while the others are to stay and kill/create more minions.
Wesley has a moment where he speaks to Gunn and Fred sternly, but pauses and in that pause I just want to awkward hug him because he only ends up telling them to stay close together. Cordelia says she hopes he’s in the killing mood.
Quick cuts of fighting, Angel exploring, and the ballet. Angel eventually makes his way through the magic, to where he sees Summer Glau standing backstage. She asks who he is and calls him new, but he insists he’s pretty old. (Shots!) Summer Glau monologues about her epic trauma. It doesn’t matter if she believes that he owns her not, because it’s pretty clear that he does. At the mention of her lover, she says she waited too long, but she wanted this and so she hesitated, costing her everything. She goes on to mourn the loss of her dancing as well.
There is a section in the first act, during the courtship dance, where – my foot slips. My ankle’s turned and – and I don’t quite hold – every time. He doesn’t notice. He doesn’t even know ballet that well. But always, at that same moment, I slip. – It isn’t just the same ballet. It’s the same performance. I don’t dance. I echo.
Sweeney: YES. SERIOUSLY. That’s all I have to say, though, so it’s less “talking about it” and more “acknowledging it.”
She asks Angel if he can make it stop. With that, we cut to the rest of the Fang Gang fighting, congratulating themselves on the dozens of minions they are now fighting. Angel sees additional flickering and says that he can help her, if she is willing and able to change the ending.
She’s frightened, but she dances on stage. She dances the correct choreography for a bit, but then stops. This allows Angel to see Suspicious Glasses stand up, so he can do some weird batshit crazy super jump nonsense, running up the curtains to grab Suspicious Glasses. He makes the obvious guess at SG’s power source (magic people have to get craftier with that stuff; his gaudy pendant SCREAMED magical power source) and punches it, because punching is kind of Angel’s big contribution here.
After the punch, there’s a big gust of wind. All the minions that the Fang Gang were fighting disappear. Summer Glau sticks around long enough to exchange a long meaningful, “THANKS, DUDE” look with Angel before she disappears as well. Suspicious Glasses gets really angry with Angel for taking his toy away, so Angel punches him again.
K: Meanwhile, I’m stuck wondering what the hell the audience were thinking, because the entire ballet corps from the prima ballerina to the chorus just disappeared into thin air, ALONG with all the sets. That’s some Sunnydale quality WTF-ery.
Lor: Also, Angel super jumped up to the balcony and chest-punched the owner of the ballet. It made me laugh when my closed captioning pointed out that there was “scattered applause.”
Sweeney: Ah, that’s delightful. I didn’t even notice the scattered applause. They’re in LA, watching a performance, so I’m assuming everyone just went, “Oh, Hollywood,” or some other bullshit contrived reason why people wouldn’t question the ridiculous things they’ve just witnessed.
Brooding Hotel. Wesley asks Gunn if he needs something for the pain, but he’s too busy making eyes at Fred and says the pain is NBD. Poor Wesley.
Angel and Cordelia are talking about what happened, and Cordelia just wants to forget it, though she again takes offense to his agreement, assuming that it’s gross. Angel says that he just wants to forget it because he wants whatever happens with them to be new and to start at the beginning. He goes on to give a pretty great speech about how they grew together.
Just as I am coming around and ready to say, “All right show, fine. They’re cute,” this moment is interrupted by the arrival of GROO. I feel stupid. I should have known better. Cordelia runs into his arms and they make out. Angel goes upstairs to check on Connor and address his feels in private.
Fred looks on, telling Wesley that she was sure Cordelia was meant to be with Angel. She says you never can tell with those things. Wesley agrees, knowingly and full of feels.
K: You can pretty much see the moment where his heart breaks in two. A+ acting, Alexis Denisof.
Sweeney: Welp. Interesting. It was similar, in a sense, because in spite of alluding to Gunn’s crush on Fred for a while, prior to this episode, it really did seem like Fred and Wesley were the direction we were headed. It was clear which way this would end up from the moment she had that conversation with Cordelia. The parallel was actually kind of nice. I stand by the bulk of the rest of what I said about these relationships — my aversion to the love triangle and my issue with the Angel/Cordelia development. That said, they did a nice, feels-stabbing thing here, setting up the heartbreak parallels.
I should say that aside from my loud outbursts (occasional loud and wrong outbursts…) I loved this episode. I don’t retract my squick over the sex possession device, and there’s all the love arc stuff I stand by, but the episode itself was super solid. Plus, much of my capslock reacting to things (though not necessarily all) was stuff that the audience was supposed to have a strong reaction to. The freak of the week was interesting and there were tons of fantastic moments for the character interactions. I see now that it was just the show’s way of reminding us how friendly they are before ripping them apart again. I mean, I saw it up there too, but now I get how. FUN. -_-
Slanty faces aside, I get all the flail this episode incited. Your flail is legit, Traumateers. (L: +1. First episode I loved in a while.)
K: And now that we’re done, go watch that deleted scene for an added dose of feels. And an added dose of Amy Acker is Awesome. Because we could all use a little of that in our lives, yes?
Next time: The characters can now obsess over their stupid romantic arcs. Find out just broody Angel and Wesley will get on Angel S03 E14 – Couplet
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
