Angel S03 E14 – Lonely Hearts

Previously: Summer Glau! as a ballerina stuck in time and whose stuck in time-ness caused Angel and Cordelia to make out a lot. And then Groo showed up.
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Couplet

Lorraine: We start the episode immediately after the last, with Angel “checking up on the baby,” but really running away from the Groo and Cordy show. Angel says that he remembers Groo being taller. Lorne gamely plays along and says that once Cordy gets him home, she’ll just pop Groo in a drawer. Angel focuses on the “take him home,” part and says it’s a good thing, because that means Groo won’t be using the Brooding Hotel as a hotel.

Lorne asks Angel if he’s okay with Cordy taking Groo home, and Angel says he totally is. Lorne sniffs Angel’s jacket and asks why Cordelia’s perfume is all over it then. Angel says that magic (actual magic and not like feelings magic) brought them together, but that clearly it didn’t mean anything. He hangs up his jacket in the closet as he says that Cordelia has her champion now, and that he likes being alone. Lorne’s all, “whatever,” and leaves. We then watch Angel grab his jacket out of the closet again and sniff it. It’s weird, because you’d think with his super sense of smell, he could just take a whiff with it in the closet still.

Sweeney: But it’s better to get that concentrated creepy jacket sniff, you know? It’d be diluted by all those other smells.

Kirsti: Yeah, but surely sniffing it in concentrated form would add in all kinds of other smells, like dye and baby puke?! 

Lor: This is a lot of thought to dedicate to a creepy jacket sniff.

We cut to a parallel scene, in which Cordelia is also opening her closet. She’s taking off her dress and getting into something more comfortable, while Groo tells the story of how he got deposed. It involves the dance of revolution.  Cordelia comes out in jeans and a shirt and they gooey with each other and kiss. The camera spins around them and everything. When Cordelia breaks the kiss, though, Groo turns into a nasty tar demon with horns in several places.

Electric Cellos.

Angel greets Wesley the next morning with baby Connor. Angel asks if anyone else is in, particularly Cordy, and Wesley says that Cordy probably was up late, ifyouknowwhatImean. Wes says that he did want to talk to Angel before everyone got there anyways about “him” and his sudden arrival. Angel thinks this conversation is about Groo, so he offers a few, “he’s evil!” and “he’s shorter, right?” comments. Wesley is actually talking about Connor and the fact that he shouldn’t exist. Their enemies won’t be afraid to ask the questions they are too afraid to ask. Angel says he’s right, which is good, because Wesley has been looking into other works that could tell them about Connor, now that the Nyazian prophecies are with Wolfram and Hart. Angel says he wants to be involved in the research, which is Cordy’s cue to enter all, “involved with who?”

Angel is excited that Cordy’s there, but less than excited that Groo is also there. He’s swinging around one of Angel’s swords and I’m completely, well, disappointed isn’t the right word, but maybe confused by Cordelia’s love of this man.

K: I think it’s the biceps?? 

Lor: Right. Okay.

Groo compliments Angel’s fine weapons and through gritted teeth, Angel tells Cordy to tell him not to handle the weapons. She tells Angel to relax, but also shares that weapons are the only thing he’ll be handling. Angel asks the obvious, “so you two didn’t?” follow up question, and Cordy says they didn’t thanks to that spiny thing. Angel is rightly confused, because that could mean penis, but she’s talking about a spiny thing vision.

In fact, Cordy’s drawn out a rough approximation of what she saw in her vision. She says it’s been happening to her that way now, just sort of inserting itself into real life without pain or warning. She calls this latest one a mood killer and Wes thinks she should’ve called them. Cordelia doesn’t see the benefit in waking them all because she wants sex and can’t have it. Of course, Wesley was talking about the vision. Lots of ha ha ha misunderstanding! happening in the first 8 minutes of this episode. Phew.

Wesley asks why Cordy can’t have sex and she says she could lose her “vision-ity,” but Wesley MISUNDERSTANDS!

 

Sweeney: I didn’t really catch his face, so I’m glad this gif exists, because that face is priceless.

K: SASSY PANTS ALL ROUND IN THE WHEDON-VERSE!

Lor: Cordy explains: Back in Pylea, after performing the com-shuck the visions would pass to Groo. She doesn’t know if that’s true here in L.A. Angel lays it on thick with his, “GOOD POINT. NO SEX.” but it isn’t like Cordelia notices anyways because all she can think about is being shucked by Groo. She just finally concludes that no one at the Brooding Hotel is going to ever get laid.

Cut to Gunn and Fred mooning over each other at breakfast. I love Fred and I like Gunn well enough. I don’t dislike him; he’s just the weakest character, in my opinion. These two together, though, isn’t great for me so far. I thought last episode it was because I was #TeamWesley, but I think it goes beyond that and we see it played out here in this scene. So, maybe I should recap this scene: Gunn watches Fred eat as he comments that he thought Fred had a thing for Wesley. Fred friend-zones Wesley. Gunn offers to get her more pancakes, but she says they should go before people start talking. She awkwards a little more about how things will be different, and apologies because she’s been living in a cave for the last five years. Gunn’s all, “I know what that’s like,” and NO GUNN. This is not a metaphor; She was actually living in a cave for five years. Gunn’s mooning, though, so he doesn’t listen to me and instead delivers this line, “Because now everything’s so bright my eyes hurt.”

Back to my point, I don’t really like these two yet because they lack chemistry and are oddly saccharine. It’s a bit jarring compared the rest of everything that’s ever happened on Angel.

Sweeney: Agreed! I like both of them plenty as individuals, and I can even see why they would work, but the relationship is weird. It has nothing to do with Wesley; I’m just not entirely sold on them yet.

K: Team Heartless Cow has nothing but soft spots for Gunn and has seen the future and is pretty much on board with this relationship.

Lor: They lean in for a kiss but their beepers go off.

We cut to the whole Fang Gang at the Brooding Hotel. Wesley is filling everyone in on Cordelia’s Spiny Demon, and how it’s coming to feed on people. The Gang is passing a book with a picture of it, and Wesley pauses when he sees Gunn and Fred flirt pass the book to each other. Angel, on the other hand, is sizing Groo and if he could initiate a penis measuring contest right that second, I’m sure he would.

Groo says he knows the creature they are after and that he’s killed many. That comment earns him a spot with Angel, tracking it in the sewers. The Soundtrack of Whacky Hijinks picks up, which is basically four hits of a wood block and four hits of triangle, and a couple shakes of a maraca? This soundtrack is hilarious and also distracting. I miss the whole picking out weapons thing, but I’m guessing there is just general sassing and complaining.

In the sewers, Angel asks Groo if he senses anything, and he takes this as an invitation to Bro Chat. See, he’s sensing a deep sadness from Cordelia who is far away from him, as if her heart is not free. Angel says that she’s probably scared to get too close, because she’ll lose something. Bro Chat is paused when Angel hears some demon growling and spots some sticky stuff on the floor. Groos says it’s Spiny Demon blood, and they follow that trail.

Sure enough they find the Spiny Demon and fight it together, generally unsuccessfully. It crashes through a door and into broad daylight at a park. Angel can’t go running into the sunlight to chase it (no blanket or hat handy!), so he just has to cower in the shadows and watch as Groo takes the creature on alone. Spiny Demon grabs himself an innocent bystander, but Groo manages to free her and stab the demon. Today’s Buffyverse theme is apparently Alex Mack Goo, because that is what the creature melts into, once it’s dead.

The rest of the Fang Gang saw this all go down, as they were just getting to the park. Wesley praises Groo a little excessively and Cordy gives him a hug, while random people crowd around him and clap…? Like they didn’t just see a weird spiny demon in broad daylight get murdered? Fine. Whatever.

K: I like to think that at least half of that scene was just Angel’s head canon because he’s a) jealous and feeling superfluous, and b) cowering in the shadows and probably can’t see that well. It would certainly explain a lot.

Lor: Head canon accepted.

After a break, we’re back at the Brooding Hotel. A woman’s voice tells us very significant episode things about thinking you know someone, as we watch Gunn, Fred, Cordelia and Groo goof around in the lobby. The woman is a potential client. Angel turns his attention to her and asks what makes her think the other woman is a witch and Significant Voice Over says that’s the only explanation for her fiance of eight years cheating on her.

Meanwhile, Wesley is on the phone, also watching the shenanigans in the lobby. Apparently Angel and Wesley are not only unlucky in love, but they get to be the only two bastards who have to do any work. Lame. Wesley asks for a quote on the book he’s looking for and Angel asks Significant VO for the woman’s name so he can look into if she’s a witch. Significant VO doesn’t have a name, but she does have a screen name she got off her fiance’s emails. Angel sounds pretty unconvinced, but Wesley walks in and is all, “no, yeah, let’s put someone right on tailing your fiance.” Of course he calls Gunn over. He doesn’t count on Fred following him and volunteering for the job as well.

Angel accompanies Wesley to pick up the book he needs, and he’s babbling about how Cordy and Groo should just do it. Wesley says office romances could complicate things, clearly bringing his own issues into the mix. Wesley reminds Angel that Cordy could pass her visions to Groo, and Angel’s all, “so what?” Wesley speaks Brooding Angel and deduces that he’s suggesting that Groo could replace him in the Fang Gang, making it much less fang-y. AGAIN. Angel gets his low confidence on, saying Groo can do everything he can do better, plus do all those things he can’t do. I’m guessing run into sunlight and sex. Wait, I’ve been meaning to ask if we’ve just been assuming that now Angel can sex because of that one time with Darla? No one seemed worried about it last episode.

Sweeney: I’m also pretty confused about this. We’ve seen a few flashbacks of him doing a halfway capable job of personing — the sewer rat thing seems to have been a weird just-before-Buffy development, and it seems plausible to me that he’d been having some casual sex in the pre-Buffy years, but it was just ~*LOVE*~ that made shit go weird. Regardless, even if that’s how it is, Cordelia sex would now be cause for concern.

K: From memory, they sort-of deal with this shit eventually, but not until season 5???

Lor: That seems like a weirdly long time to non-address it.

Anyway, Wesley tells Angel that this is his mission and that he’s totally unique.

We cut to Cordy giving Groo a kiss, and then saying that she practiced plenty on her cousin. She’s talking about a haircut, which yes he needs, but I’m not confident in Cordelia’s taste in haircuts at this moment.

Groo is all for this make-over, and he wants to know if this means that Cordy will love him more now. Cordy says it’s just a haircut and this hurts Groo’s feelings. Cordelia explains that he came all this way for something she can’t give him. Groo understands that she fears that being with him will make her less than what she was.

Gunn and Fred are on their stakeout. They spot Significant VO’s fiance, clearly waiting for someone. There is some banter about magical or chemical love and some kisses. So many kisses in fact that they lose the fiance.

Angel and Wesley get back to the Brooding Hotel, and Angel thanks Wesley for the Bro Chat. Wesley says it was true, because Angel is totally different than Groo. Cut to a shot of Groo with his new haircut in Angel’s clothes. Angel finds Cordy in Wes’s office and points out that she gave Groo his clothes. These two have had issues with clothes gifting, huh? Cordelia just waves that away and says she really needs his help. By the way Angel gets all serious about helping her, and the way Cordelia is all spazzy and vague, you just know this is going to be another ha ha ha misunderstanding! moment, and indeed, as Cordelia needs help with is having sex with Groo.

Sweeney: That first eight minutes of ha ha ha misunderstanding! moments weren’t so bad. It was fun for a few minutes. By now, though, I’m way over it.

K: Meanwhile, I’ll be over on my ottoman cackling about the fact that Cordy claims to have zero romantic feels for Angel, but has basically turned Groo into a more bicep-y carbon copy. 

Lor: After a Not Break, Cordelia is saying that losing the visions is just an excuse, but that she’s tired of being lonely. So, she did some research and has found that there is a potion she can take so she can have sex and not lose her visions. She hands Angel an address and some cash. Angel wants to know why she can’t just send Groo, and she is, but he doesn’t know his way around LA and she doesn’t want to send him alone into a demon brothel. Angel just repeats backs words to her, stunned by this latest turn of events.

Fred and Gunn examine the place where the Fiancé disappeared. They roll back the tape on the camera and see that the Fiancé was pulled underground by some tree roots. A few seconds later, the tree pulls them down too.

Demon Brothel. There is a woman with three boobs. Huh. A very pretty lady with some generally non-existent acting skillz leads Angel and Groo down a hallway. There is some ha ha ha misunderstanding! about Angel and Groo being together together, on account of their matching outfits.

Angel is distracted by a room all lit in soft red light, where a man and a woman pillow fight in slow motion inside. Wooden Delivery Lady says the room is enchanted for maximum, extended pleasure. Angel lingers a bit while Groo and Wooden Delivery walk on. She leads them to another room, and inside, a man is manacled to the wall. Groo misunderstands what’s happening and tries to free him. Angel explains that the man is plenty happy in his current position.

Finally, Angel pays Wooden Delivery and she produces the potion they came for. She asks why Angel’s even here and what’s in it for him, and he’s saved from answering this plot relevant question by his ringing phone. It’s Fred and Gunn, calling him from under the demon tree. It’s a demon tree with Internet connection. It’s a demon tree that trolls for lonely hearts and then sucks the life out of them. I’m totally serious right now.

K: I’d forgotten about this part of this episode, and cackled hysterically when it happened because OMFG WTF LOL 4EVA.

Lor: Angel asks if they’ve called Wesley but they say that they didn’t want to bother him with this and what they are really looking for is a… We don’t hear what, but Angel turns to Groo and says, “it’s for you.”

We cut to the two of them in a tunnel, Groo saying that he’s honored to have been requested to save the day. Groo gives Angel the sex potion to keep safe and runs into the demon tree’s lair. He doesn’t make it very far because the tree just sticks a root in his chest. Angel is concerned for his shirt.

Fred gives Angel the low-down about the demon tree not having an vital organs, and using people like batteries. It doesn’t actually make much sense why the tree’s just letting Fred and Gunn hang out in its roots, but okay. Fred also mentions that the tree is getting strong now that it’s tapped into Groo. Angel, “pfffts!” the idea that Groo is better than regular people, but Fred says he is the Groosalugg. Angel throws his sword down and has a chat with the Internet savvy demon tree. He asks if Groo is really that great, and the tree says he definitely is magnificent. Angel thinks he’s “magnificently stupid.” He goes on to talk bad about Groo and also punch him in the face a few times, which seems to weaken the tree’s hold. Finally, the tree lets go of Groo and taps into Angel. But surprise! Angel’s a cold, dead vampire and the tree doesn’t seem to like that one bit. The tree weakens and releases Gunn and Fred. Gunn stabs the tree in the face, which just seems like something Angel could’ve done in the first place.

Sweeney: That was my thought, but thinking back, I’ll actually buy his choice of action, because the tree – pre-vampire-heart-sucking – was able to control its many limbs/roots rather quickly. It attacked Groo super fast. So he’d probably not make it that far, plus, if Groo’s awesomeness was so invigorating, his cold! vampire! heart! might have been less damaging. I mean, mostly it was so that Angel could take out his feels and also demonstrate that he was THINKING! before charging in, but still, doesn’t seem entirely reaching to me.

Lor: Later, Wesley tells Fred and Gunn they did a good job and should go get cleaned up. They stand, but Wesley tells Gunn he’d like a word. There’s an awkward shuffle as Fred says goodnight and leaves. Wesley confronts Gunn about his relationship with Fred. Gunn says it isn’t any of his business and I flinch. THAT’S YOUR FRIEND YOU’RE TALKING TO. Wesley says that may be so, but that he doesn’t want Fred getting hurt. Gunn asks if he’s her brother and Wesley says, “apparently.” And apparently this is the first time Gunn has considered Wes’s feelings in the matter. He starts to say something, but Wesley cuts him off by saying that Fred made her choice. Wes just wants to make sure she’s taken care of. Gunn says she will be and leaves.

BROS BEFORE HOS, GUNN.

Sweeney: EH. Wesley too! So, yeah, Gunn’s snarky “none-of-your-business” wasn’t entirely called for, but Wes brought it up in a somewhat accusatory manner. Them getting together is a thing that JUST happened, and Wesley’s tone with the just-wanting-to-make-sure-she’s-taken-care-of was annoying. I love Wesley, but from about halfway through this episode, I found most of his Fred feels grating.

K: Just you wait, Sweeney Snow. Just you wait.

Lor: Sorry, to be clear, my issue with them both at this moment is that I want them to be friends forever. I think his Fred feels are being framed to be creepy and slightly obsessive (there was a shot earlier where he stands behind a wall so that Gunn is blocked out of his view, and all he sees is Fred). This scene where he’s playing protector doesn’t help that. I just want them to be friends!

Out in the lobby, Cordelia is tending to Groo. Angel tries to get him to be quiet and take the credit for saving the day, but he won’t. And that just makes Cordelia gush about how many guys would be so noble. She asks for the sex potion and starts running out. Angel calls her back. There is some broody staring before Angel places a wad of cash in her hands and tells her to take some time off of work and go someplace nice and sunny (er than LA?). Cordelia gingerly touches Angel’s chest wound and asks if he needs a little patching up. Angel says he’s fine and that it didn’t hurt a bit.

Angel and Wesley exchange an, “our lives suck,” look and Angel heads upstairs to where Lorne is tucking Connor in. Lorne asks Angel if he’s okay, and he looks at his son, smiles and says he is.

Later, Angel comes downstairs with Connor and finds that Wesley is still working. Wesley says he thought he was alone and Angel says, “so did I,” as he smiles and kisses his baby. They walk away and Wesley looks down at his notes: “The father will kill the son.”

I wasn’t a huge fan of this episode. Angel’s entire reaction to the Cordelia situation feels a tad too jokey and out of character. Not that I’m interested in even! more! brood, but there was something about all this that felt off. I’ve voiced my complaints about Gunn and Fred, and I’m not a fan of the overly earnest Groosalugg. There were moments where it was clear to me that Cordelia does know what’s going on here: she cares for Angel, I’m sure, but Groo is part of this fantasy that she seems unable to let go of. We’re here, again, after Pylea and even after her trip into an alternate reality where she became a star.

Sweeney: The entire episode filled with not one but two manpain arcs was just not fun, and it was unhelped by the lack of chemistry between the two couples. I just had zero feelings for anyone. Angel almost won me over by the end, but I’d given up on the episode by then. He made a genuine, self-sacrificing effort for Cordelia. A bit of self-interest in keeping her away from him for a bit, but generally still going out of his way to make her happy, in spite of all the woe-is-me jokey nonsense in the episode. Wesley, on the other hand, tried to cockblock the Fred/Gunn relationship and got slightly creepy and possessive in his chat with Gunn. Add that to the lack of chemistry between both Fred/Gunn and Cordelia/Groo and the whole thing was just #meh.

Lorne’s little appearance was fun because Lorne’s the best.

Lor: And on top of all that, the demon tree was… something. The big, “but I’m dead!” moment with Angel cheaply played, with the demon tree saying things like, “so… cold…” It was silly, but the message is there: Angel may not have a heart but he has feelings. He truly is unique,  see?

In true Angel fashion, however, this episode is almost eclipsed by a single moment (Angel is very good at moments more than episodes): Wesley’s note at the end. Hopefully, things will get interesting and soon.

K: More interesting than you can possibly imagine. BRB, taking myself to the asshole corner to laugh about knowing the future.

 

Next time: Ah, crap. The return of Holtz in Angel S03 E 15 – Loyalty.