Angel S04 E09 – Human Kinder Eggs

Previously: The Beast paid a murder-tastic visit to Wolfram & Hart, and Cordy found out that Angel knows she slept with Connor. Also, Wes dumped Lilah.
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Long Day’s Journey

Kirsti: After the previouslies make me reach for the brain bleach again, we’re in Angel’s room where he’s sketching The Beast. (Welcome back, Angel/art OTP!) Lorne walks in with a glass of blood and Angel basically tells him to get out. Lorne says that he’s done with the game playing, and Angel’s all “What game playing?” Lorne adopts a moody teenager voice to say “Don’t interrupt me, I’m brooding,” which is quite possibly the greatest thing to ever happen in this show.

Angel claims to be researching rather than brooding, but Lorne’s not buying it because everyone else is researching downstairs as a team, not alone in their mopeyness. Angel says that he works better alone, and Lorne retorts that it’s not all about him and that champions (SHOTS!!) don’t get to take personal days. The conversation turns to The Beast and how it turns up when Connor’s around. Lorne mentions that he knows about Connor and Cordy, and Angel snaps at him to get out. Lorne leaves, but not before reminding Angel that there are other fish in the sea.

Sweeney: I was generally a fan of Angel’s passive aggressive behavior towards Cordelia last time, but there were some great comments on how troubling it is that Angel’s focus was on being the scorned lover rather than concerned parent. In the last episode the “boyfriend” line was really the only one that entered TOO MUCH, DISLIKE territory for me. Here, though, that point is driven home and I can now join the chorus of strong dislike. Connor might be biologically 18, but he’s got an Earthly birth certificate clocking him at a couple months and he has the emotional maturity (as emphasized at great length in the last episode) of a five year old. The fact that Angel’s not upset as a parent is frustrating.

Lorraine: I completely think this is a legit point. I wondered why it didn’t bother me the first time around, though, and it circled back around to how strange this entire father/son relationship is. Disregarding any innate father-like love, Angel was basically with Connor for a few weeks before he was swallowed and spit back out as an 18 year old who threw him to the bottom of the ocean and has since been living apart from him. The fact that Angel at least tries to put his son’s welfare first has been enough for me, because clearly I would’ve murdered the little devil FOR THROWING ME TO THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN. And in-universe, they are clearly selling this whole Connor/Cordy as adults thing. Plus, however-old-Angel is accustomed to dating teens and 20 year olds and probably doesn’t have a lot to say about that age match up.

So, I’m not overly upset about how hard he’s taking this. Yes, he should be paying more attention to Connor but I hate Connor and it’s a crappy situation.

K: Agreed all around. That segue magics us across to an oil field in the middle of the night. Gwen(!!!!!!!!!!) greets Mr. Ashet, an African client, and tells him that she can’t take the job to get the amulets he wants because Apocalypse-y signs = time to flee to Tahiti. (S: I flailed a bit because this week’s SHIELD was all about Coulson’s time in “Tahiti.”) He starts to respond, but in mid-sentence, the Beast’s hand punches through his chest. Gwen stares in horror before the Beast throws her across the oil field. The Beast drops Mr. Ashet’s body and a white light starts pouring from the hole left by the Beast’s fist. It reaches into his chest and pulls out a metal wing. It looks up to see Gwen watching. She rips off her glove and electricity crackles over her hand, but when she looks back up, the Beast is gone. Electric Cellos.

After the credits, we’re at Connor’s Brain Bleach Attic. He stares out the window as an emergency vehicle screams past on the street. Cordy, wrapped in a sleeping bag on the floor, wakes and tells him that she dreamt about people screaming. He says it wasn’t a dream, and that everything is falling apart. He suggests they go over to the Hyperion and see if the Fang Gang know anything. She NOPEs, and he gets cranky. He creepily starts talking about all his superpowers (speed, strength, hearing), and decides that the Fang Gang are scared of him and his connection to the Beast and have told Cordy to keep him away. She tells him that Angel knows they slept together and he’s hurt so they should just stay away.

Sweeney: In addition to being creepy, this scene also emphasized what an infant he is and how skeevy this whole situation is, in spite of the fact that everyone’s pretending that Angel’s hurt feelings are the big issue here and it makes me want to slap Cordelia. (Angel too.)

K: YUP. Just then, Cordy gets a vision of The Beast. He’s literally just standing somewhere, making it quite possibly the least helpful vision of ever. Still, she announces that she has to go and see Angel. Connor broods in a bitchy teenage way, because he is definitely his father’s kid. Segue Magic over to the Hyperion where Gunn is ranting about how he doesn’t trust Connor. Fred, meanwhile, is trying to work out what the message given to them by the little girl in the white room means – “the answer is among you.” Gunn’s money is on Connor. Wes enter-nounces from the office that his research has revealed that without the creepy little girl, Wolfram & Hart are cut off from the Senior Partners and basically useless, but also that the creepy little girl was named Mesektet, one of five powerful totems linked to the god Ra.

Wes and Fred share some intense eye contact during this discussion, and Gunn starts giving off “STAY AWAY FROM MY GIRL” vibes of ugh-ness. (S: Made an actual finger-gun-to-the-head motion while watching.) Luckily, Lorne arrives to break up the tension. He announces that the Beast has killed a white magic shaman type and that it ripped her heart out. Wes is perplexed by the change in M.O. but Fred stares at the book Wes was reading from earlier and asks if her name was Ma’at. Lorne confirms that it was, and Fred says that Ma’at was another totem. She goes on to say that it might just be a coincidence as the Beast has killed thousands of people, and two points… “Make a line, not a pattern,” interrupts Wes with a smile. Gunn gets his glare on.

Just then, Cordy walks in. She greets the Fang Gang awkwardly then heads upstairs to Angel’s room. He’s flipping through books, surrounded by sketches of the Beast. She knocks on the door and he tells her to leave. She walks in anyway as the Tinkly Piano of Everything’s Fucked Up does its thing. She tells him that she doesn’t know where to start, and he suggests that she skip to the end and leave. She brings up Connor, and Angel gets bitchy. Cordy exasperatedly points out the similarities between them, and suggests that he stop being angry with her. He snaps and tells her to stop pretending to care about him. She apologises for what happened, then tells him to get over it because people need him, which causes even more of a snit.

Sweeney: Cordelia does a lot of this and while I +1 the sentiments of “Talk to Connor” and “Get over it,” I’m also still mad at her  for the way she’s twisting the implications of all of this, so yes, you’re right, but also fuck you.

Lor: I hate everything.

K: SO MUCH. She then brings up her vision, saying that it was different to all her previous visions, and that it was like she was inside another person watching the Beast talk, but she had no idea where or whether it was past, present or future. So basically, the most useless vision of EVER. Angel agrees with me. She says that at least it means the connection to the Powers That Be Contriving is still open, and that he should get his shit together and be a leader.

Apparently he gets his shit together really quickly, because we cut to him giving a not very convincing pep talk to the Fang Gang. They’re with him, but also not because how can you research something when there’s no information about it? Just then, Gwen walks in. Angel looks pretty pleased to see her, but everyone else looks pissed, including Cordy who knows all about Gwen from That Time She Was a Higher Being. Gwen fills them in on what happened the previous night, but lies when Wes asks if anything was removed from the body. Fred asks if her client was “a skinless sabre-toothed tiger or made entirely out of light” and Gwen confirms that it seems to have been the latter.

This takes the killing of the totems from a coincidence to a pattern. Fred informs them that the remaining two appear to live in Belize and Death Valley. Angel decides that they should go find the guy in Death Valley (the skinless sabre-toothed tiger) and protect him at all costs. He announces that he’ll take Gwen. Cordy says that they should all go, but Angel slings an arm around Gwen’s waist and says things should be left to the people with superpowers. He steers her towards the garage, leaving the Fang Gang staring after them.

Segue Magic to the desert. Angel and Gwen are climbing down a rocky cliff (right, because in aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall of Death Valley, they know exactly the right cave to go to…). Angel slips a little, causing a rain of pebbles, and Gwen sasses at him for having been sick on the day they taught stealth in superpowers school. (S: Cute.) She then loses her grip and falls into his arms. She claims to have done it on purpose, but he’s not buying it. They share a “maybe we should kiss” look, but there’s a scrabbly noise from off camera. Angel puts Gwen down and rushes towards it.

They head into a candlelit cave, Angel drawing his sword. Gwen says that she thought they were there to protect Semkhet, and he replies that if it’s evil, they should kill it before the Beast has the chance. They stumble across the eviscerated remains of Semkhet (who looks oddly like a man for a skinless sabre-toothed tiger). Angel wonders out loud why the Beast is killing the totems, and a guy in shorts and an ugly Hawaiian shirt with a Brooklyn accent walks out of another part of the cave. “I do. He’s going to turn out the sun,” he says. Fade to black. (Segue: Well, fucking DUH the Beast is going to turn out the sun. Ra was the Egyptian sun god. What the hell else would killing his totems do? I call epic fail on Wes’ part because when this episode aired, I worked out the plan the minute Ra was mentioned…)

Lor: I’m not paying enough attention to figure anything out, I guess. But sure, fine, turning out the sun.

K: After the Not Commercial Break, Angel demands to know who Brooklyn Ugly-Shirt is. He introduces himself as Manjet, the last remaining totem, and asks them to call him Manny. Angel gives him a “Seriously??” look of disbelief and asks if the Beast turning out the sun is a metaphor. Manny LOL NOPEs, and says that in addition to killing the five totems, there’s a chant and a ritual and a whole bunch of complicated stuff. But if the Beast succeeds? Los Angeles will be in permanent darkness.

Okay, what the fuck, show? I mean, I get that blocking out the sun everywhere would cause problems for Sunnydale. But blocking out the sun JUST FOR LOS ANGELES?? That is all kinds of ridiculous, and literally all I can think of is this:

Sweeney: I was similarly confused by this turn to ONLY LOS ANGELES WILL BE AFFECTED BY THE DISAPPEARANCE OF THE SUN. I thank you for this helpful visual aid. Now I understand.

K: The Simpsons: forever providing me with useful frames of reference. ANYWAY. Apparently the permanent darkness will turn LA into a vampire/demon/evil beastie playground, and that the darkness will gradually spread to the whole of California, then North America, then the whole planet. Right. Sure. Because that’s totally how that would work…

Manny wishes them luck in stopping the Beast and announces that he’s off to spend his last few hours in a strip club. Angel says that they can protect him and Manny says “Right, Super Hunk and Spandexia,” which I mention only because it’s been approximately forever since we’ve had the opportunity for ANGEL IS HANDSOME! SHOTS. Anyway, he reluctantly agrees to their protection and wonders if Gwen would give him a lap dance.

Seizure cut to the three of them walking in the door at the Hyperion. Angel introduces Manny to the Fang Gang who are all “…..YOU’RE a supreme being? Gross.” Manny heads to the bathroom while Angel fills the gang in on the Beast’s plan. Wes’ response is “As far as evil plans go, it doesn’t suck,” which strikes me as a very Buffy Summers thing to say. They debate where to keep Manny so that he’s safe and decide that it has to be small and confined. Gunn suggests the hotel’s meat locker. Wes points out that this is a stupid plan because the Beast knows who they are and where to find them. Gwen says that she knows a place. Cordy bitches that she hopes it’s not a dingy tenement downtown.

Sweeney: This episode is oozing with jealous lover bullshit and I don’t even have words for how much I hate it and want to make it stop.

K: YES. It’s very “Cordy can’t be with Angel because she saw what he did as Angelus, but no one else can have him just in case she changes her mind.” Which, EW. Cut to a dingy tenement downtown.  Gwen’s leading Manny and the Fang Gang – minus Fred, Lorne and Wes who are still researching – up the stairs. Cordy bitches the whole way, and Gunn asks why Manny isn’t some all powerful whoosit like the others. He informs them that the totem for noon is man, the potential for every human soul. But he’s immortal, unless he’s ritually murdered. Gwen takes off her glove and zaps a metal door. Cordy sasses about Manny getting ritually murdered in a hellhole but trails off mid-sentence as the door swings open to reveal an opulent apartment. Gwen invites them in, and shows them through to the study, where she has a panic room/place to store stolen loot with foot-thick steel walls.

Gwen turns to Angel and suggests that they take the first shift. Cordy snaps that maybe they should split up the people with actual powers so that she and Gunn stand a chance of survival. Gwen declares that she’ll team up with Gunn. Angel says they’ll work four hour shifts before he and Cordy leave the room. Manny asks Gwen if she gets porn channels, and she electrocutes the panic room door, which slides closed sealing Manny in.

Cut to sometime later and Gwen talking about her fucked up accidentally-murdery childhood. Gunn seems less than thrilled. She notices, and he admits that he’s distracted by the whole dynamic between Fred and Wes. She says that she’d noticed the body language between them, and that she’s surprised how much things have changed since she last encountered the Fang Gang. He tells her that it’s a long story as Cordy and Angel walk in to take over. Gwen informs them that they gave Manny some magazines about half an hour earlier, and she and Gunn head out to get some rest.

Cordy suggests that four hours alone might be good for her and Angel, and that they should talk. He disagrees. They both sip their drinks as we fade to black. Cut to Gunn and Gwen shaking Angel and Cordy awake. They’re both groggy, so Gwen resorts to zapping Angel with her powers. He rushes over to the panic room and opens the door. It’s a blood bath. They all stare at the carnage in disbelief. Fade to black properly.

After the Not Commercial Break, Angel announces that the Beast was looking for something, because it ripped Manny’s brain out. Gwen suggests an orb, seeing as Manny referred to himself as an orb-keeper. Angel realises that Gwen knew the Beast was taking things from each of the totems, because she told the Fang Gang that “somebody already pulled out the toy surprise” from Semkhet. She reluctantly fills them in on what she saw when Mr. Ashet was killed.

Meanwhile, Cordy wants to know how the Beast managed to find them, spike their drinks, and sneak through the apartment on his cloven hooves. Gunn brings up the “the answer is among you” thing again, and says that Connor probably tracked them down. Cordy says it’s preposterous while Angel says that he’d be able to supersmell if Connor had been there. Gwen says that they can find out easily because she has security cameras. She leads them towards where the tapes are.

Lor: Oh, snap, is it Cordy? We have no idea where she came from and why, and she slept with Connor. EVIL. Cordy is now my guess for anything bad that happens.

K: Spoilers, sweetie. Angel pulls Gunn to one side and tells him to go back to the hotel and fill the others in on what’s happened, and to get them working on what the toy surprises might be. Gunn raises the subject of Connor, and Angel tells him to follow it up later, just like they do with every lead. Gunn heads off and Angel follows Gwen and Cordy into the security room. Gwen quickly discovers that the tapes are blank, and checks the system for faults. Cordy pulls Angel aside and tells him that he has to talk to Connor. He refuses, and Cordy’s shocked to find that Angel suspects Connor when Gwen is right there being a dirty liar. He sasses back that Connor’s the only one with a connection to the Beast. Gwen interrupts to say that someone cut the electrics to the security system ten minutes before their shift started and that she suspects an inside job. Cordy points the finger at Gwen, who rolls her eyes. Angel says they should worry about the sun-blotting-out first and the inside job second.

Sweeney: Priorities, yo.

K: Truth. Seizure cut to them walking into the Hyperion. Lorne fills them in on the ritual and the toy surprises – there were three pieces that fit together and form a giant fancy lightswitch thing. They’re not sure how the heart from Ma’at and the energy from Mesektet fit in. Gwen points out that the wings on either side of the orb from Manny’s head are metal, and that if they get her close enough she can melt them, slowing the Beast down. Cordy points out that they still need to find the Beast. Gunn’s more worried about taking it out. Wes and Fred enter-nounce that they have a plan on that front – shoving it into a portal. Gunn is none too pleased, on account of that whole I Murdered A Dude And Threw Him In a Portal thing.

Sweeney: Gunn’s, “But I don’t have to like it,” was valid. I mention this because he said it and I thought, “I think that’s the first thing you’ve said in forever that was worthy of a supportive head nod.”

K: Angel says it’s time to find the Beast. Just then, Cordy has Part II of the vision. This time, she sees that the Beast has massacred a bunch of people. She still can’t see who the Beast is talking to, but the person feels familiar. She tells Angel that it’s time to get Connor involved. Cut over to Connor’s Brain Bleach Attic. There’s a knock at the door. Connor gets up to answer it only to find the Beast on the other side. “Hello, Connor,” the Beast says as we fade to black.

After the Not Commercial Break, Connor attacks. The Beast grabs him by the foot and basically does the Hulk-throwing-Loki-around-like-a-ragdoll routine (I see you, Whedon). The Beast then picks up Connor and throws him through the window. Connor falls several stories to the ground, landing in front of Angel’s car which has just pulled up. Cordy rushes over to Connor while Gunn steers a blanket covered Angel up the building’s stairs into the shade. Because of contrivance, they decide that the Beast has to do the ritual where Connor lives (?!?!?). (S: Because of reasons.) (L: Cordy did it.) (K: Both excellent theories) Angel tells Cordy to keep Connor safe while the rest of them head upstairs to fight the Beast.

Upstairs, the Beast assembles the artefact and breathes the black smoke it took from Mesektet into it. It places the artefact on the ground in the centre of a ceremonial circle. Holding the bloody heart (really? Two days later and it’s still dripping blood? OKAY, SHOW. FINE) (S: MAGIC.) (L: CORDY DID IT.) over the artefact, the Beast starts to chant. The Fang Gang burst in. Down in the street, Connor says that he should be up there with them. Upstairs, Wes and Fred start chanting to open the portal as Gunn and Angel fight the Beast. Gwen sneaks over to the artefact, but the Beast knocks her down. She drops it, and the artefact falls into its pieces. The orb rolls away and ends up at the Beast’s feet. The Beast smirks at Angel and continues chanting.

Down in the street, Cordy gets Part III of her vision. In it, the Beast tells the familiar person that they are “a worthy adversary.” She’s snapped out of the vision by Connor asking what it’s like when you pass out. Upstairs, a portal starts to open behind the Beast. Connor asks if things get dimmer when you’re about to pass out. Cordy realises that things are getting dimmer for her too, and they stare in horror as black tendrils start to cover the sun (right, because staring at the sun is always a good plan). Angel, Gwen and Gunn rush the Beast, forcing it into the Portal, which closes behind it. “We did it. Didn’t we?” says Gwen.

Shots of the city getting gradually darker as the Orchestra of You’re All Fucked Now starts up. Downstairs, Cordy gets Part IV of her vision. In it, the Beast tells the familiar person that they should combine their strength. Upstairs, the Fang Gang walk towards the place where the Beast disappeared. Fred asks why it’s still getting dark. From the doorway behind them, the Beast says “I told you once, you need not be my enemy.” Angel has a Terrible Wig Flashback of the Beast asking him to join forces. Back in the present, the Beast calls him Angelus. Cordy’s vision has just delivered the same information.

The Fang Gang stare at the Beast in horror. It walks towards them, then swallows the orb. “We’ll meet again. Soon,” it says before jumping out the window. Wes informs us that the sun is now completely gone. They head downstairs, where Cordy informs us that her visions were less visions and more memories of what Angelus did, on account of her time as a higher being gave her access to that information. Angel says he has no memory of ever meeting the Beast, and the others point out that clearly the Beast has some kind of power to make him forget things – like being responsible for the inside job – and that what they need right now is Angelus because he might know what the Beast’s plan is. Fade to black.

Sure, because that’s a FABULOUS plan…

My thoughts on this episode can be summed up very quickly: YAY GWEN, BOO EVERYTHING ELSE.

Sweeney: +1. There wasn’t much to like in this episode, but given my love for Gwen and my bad feelings about this whole season, this episode probably won’t fair too poorly in the S4 rankings.

But more importantly: CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW THE FINAL FRAME WAS “IN LOVING MEMORY OF GLENN QUINN” BECAUSE FEELINGS. BRB, SOBBING.

K: YES. I was all hate-y and then that frame came up and I had all the feels.

 

Next time: The Fang Gang try to convince Angelus to join the party. Find out more in Angel S04 E10 – Awakening.