Firefly S01 E10 – Bunk time

Previously: The gang stole stuff from a hospital and Simon tried to figure out just what’s happened to his sister.
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War Stories

Lorraine: Simon analyzes some data on a screen as Book disregards his thinky face and starts chatting. Book is being the person who sees you with headphones on and strikes up a conversation, but like the space-cowboy version of it. Something like that. (S: A+)

Anyway, he asks Simon if he’s ever read the writings of Shan Yu, the psychotic dictator who “fancied himself quite the warrior-poet.” Apparently this crazy dictator poet wrote a lot about torture and human endurance, and Book wonders if the people who messed with River’s brain did it to see how much she could endure. Simon doesn’t think so. He shows Book a picture of River’s brain and points out that there is pattern. Besides, if the bad guys’ aim was just to hurt River, they wouldn’t still be after her. Simon says that he’s trying different medications on her, and that she’s sleeping better, but nothing more than that. At least now they have plenty of drugs. Book snarks about Simon’s newly found criminal mastermind profession.

Sweeney: Commitment is important.

Lor: We get an exterior shot of Serenity, flying toward a planet. The camera pans to the other side of the planet to reveal a space station. Inside, Niska oversees some torture. If you’ll recall, we met Niska during The Train Job, though Sweeney recapped that one and didn’t call him by his real name. This entertains me. What doesn’t entertain me is FREAKIN’ TORTURE. UGH. As if it wasn’t enough that y’all made me watch I Know Who Killed Me. On that note, I’m just going to call the torturer man the Piano Teacher throughout this post. That barely makes any sense, but I’m sticking to it.

Sweeney: Can we get some sort of official Snark Squad Torture Moratorium? NO MORE.

Lor: 

Niska says menacing things to the man he’s torturing, but he’s interrupted by one of his lackeys. It seems they’ve picked up a read on Serenity. Niska is super excited about this development and sends his man off to go capture Mal. That all handled, Niska returns to torturing his victim, referencing the works of Shan Yu.

Don’t worry Tortured Man: THEY CAN’T TAKE THE SKY FROM YOOOOU.

After the credits, Kaylee is chasing River through the cargo bay. Up on the catwalk, Mal and Inara are talking. She wants to bring her upscale client onto the ship for some privacy. Inara wants her client to feel totally alone. Kaylee and River are still running and whooping. Mal yells at them to shut up. To Inara, Mal says that he must meet every person who steps foot on the ship. Inara seems resigned but does ask Mal to keep the others from ogling.

At that, Kaylee and River run up the stairs. Mal yells after them that one of them is gonna fall and die, and he’s not cleaning it up. Apparently, the chase is over an apple. Jayne bought a crate of them, and River took Kaylee’s.

Sara: The girls having fun is the sweetest thing. This show has such a strong female cast, and it’s nice to never have to deal with catty bitchy girl storylines like the type that pop up on every other show involving more than one woman.

Lor: It’s ’cause we women have too many emotions, you see.

Those two run straight into the dinning area where Kaylee finally corners River and wrestles the apple away from her. She holds the apple up and says that no power in the ‘verse can stop her. Zoe and Wash are at the table, talking about how surprised they are that Jayne is being generous with his cut of the hospital job. Kaylee interjects with a question about why Zoe always cuts her apples. Wash has never noticed, but Kaylee confirms that Zoe and Mal both cut into their fruit instead of nibbling on them.

This leads Zoe into a story: During the war, her platoon was stuck during a winter campaign fairly close to their Alliance enemies. Close, but at an impasse since there was no ammunition and no rations. Her men mentioned to the Alliance that they were out of rations and 10 minutes later, a bunch of apples were thrown into the trench. Hungry, the men quickly bit into them, though Mal had tried to warn them. The apples contained grenades.

Sara: Way harsh, Tai.

Lor: Mal enters and says they are 20,000 miles from their last drop and then they can stop and enjoy their money. Wash quietly tells Zoe that they could’ve made more. Mal hears, though, and says that he had a good idea, but that eliminating the middle man isn’t a smart move when they don’t want to make more enemies.

Later, in the bridge, Wash confronts Zoe. She told Mal his plan about selling their stolen medicine straight to doctors, Mal shot it down, and she lied to Wash and said she never told him. Zoe says she didn’t want to upset Wash. He asks for her opinion on his plan, and she responds with the Captain’s thoughts on it causing trouble. Wash curses for a long time in Chinese and he’s saying, “All the planets in space flushed into my butt.” Huh. (S: HOLY FUCKING DICK SHIT DICK FUCK, was my interpretation. I’m not sure how to feel about this butt thing.)

Anyway, the point is that he was definitely not asking for the Captain’s thoughts. Zoe is still tip-toeing and says she “tends to agree with him.” Wash demands a more direct answer. He tells her to have an opinion of her own. This ruffles Zoe and she tells him he’s losing the highground. Wash: I’m sure you and Mal will take that hill and fortify it with-– Zoe interrupts that giggle-worthy line by saying that she thought the plan was too risky

Wash: Then tell me. I am a large, semi-muscular man. I can take it. Don’t hide behind Mal ’cause you know he’ll shoot it down for you. Tell me.
Zoe: Right. Because what this marriage needs is one more shouting match.
Wash: No, what this marriage needs is one less husband. Right now it’s kind of crowded.

I feel for Wash. And I also don’t like to see one of my favorite married TV couples fight. YOU TWO QUIT IT.

Sweeney: IKR? CUT IT OUT.

Sara: WORST. And I feel for Wash, too. I think he’s pretty much 100% right here.

Lor: Tam Room. Simon finds a sweaty, teary River on her bed. He asks if she’s alright and she shares that she threw up. Simon tells her it’s a side-effect from the medicine and they just have to find the right treatment for her. How does she feel now? She feels apple bits coming back up. She feels like chaos. I had the stomach flu recently. Vomit and chaos sounds right.

How did she feel this morning? She smiles and says she played with Kaylee. In disjointed, whimsical speech she says she sometimes functions like a girl, but she hates it because she knows it will go away. She tearfully asks what she is. Simon hugs and comforts him. Still locked in the hug, River confesses that she threw up on his bed. He pats her slowly. “Yep. Definitely my sister.”

TV teaches me what a bad sister I am. Me: OH MY GOD I HATE YOU FOREVER. BUY ME A NEW BED IMMEDIATELY.

I’m mostly kidding.

Book, Jayne and Kaylee are all gathered just outside of the cargo bay, trying to spy on Inara’s client. Book plays like he’s reading and uninterested, but when Kaylee announces, “there he is!” Book stands to get a look. Mal approaches the man who just entered, hand extended, but the man ignores him and takes a brief look around. The man uses an ear piece to call in an all clear. The Councilor enters the cargo bay and it’s a DUN DUN DUN woman! Inara greets her client and leads her away as Mal says, “huh.” Book gives an “Oh, my.” and I LAUGH FOREVER. Out of pain. (S: Someone says the words “master of the universe” in Wolf of Wall Street and I lost my shit to a similar giggle/cry/ruined fit.) Jayne, suddenly breathing a little funny, takes his leave.

Zoe is in the non-Sexy Shuttle, trying to gear it up to go, but she’s finding that things are messed with and wonders if River has been playing in there. Wash ambles in and says that he can get it ready to launch, ’cause he was the one who messed with it. He wants to be the one who goes with Mal on this job. He can’t stand the idea of those two coming back with more tales of adventure and bonding.

Mal is not following.

Sweeney: I wish I could deploy this in actual life, but I’m also confident that me owning a gun would end in tragedy.

Lor: You can be armed with snark…? Yeah.

Zoe says she wouldn’t mind sitting it out, but it sounds more like a threat than anything else. Mal is highly unamused, but he doesn’t have time to dilly dally. He’s taking Wash and Zoe is in charge of the ship. Wash calls after his wife that they won’t stop for beers with the fellas and then asks Mal if they are going to sing army songs. Mal side-eyes him. Hard.

Sara: Maybe not the best way to passive aggressively win this fight, Wash. This can only end in trouble.

Lor: Sexy Shuttle. Inara is giving the Councilor a sexy massage. Inara compliments Counci’s skin, but Counci says she doesn’t need the show. She just came to relax. Inara says that most of her clients are men and when she chooses a woman, it’s because she’s special. Plus, she can relax too, as she can’t always be herself in the company of men. Councilor appreciates this and they kiss. I’m trying to remember if this B plot has a point or if we’re just supposed to look at this and go, “hubba hubba women!”

Sara: I like Inara’s line about being able to relax, because it would probably be true. I could see how a female client wouldn’t expect a “fantasy” in the same way a man would. 

Lor: As Wash lands the non-Sexy Shuttle, Mal tries to broach the subject of what’s going on between Wash and Zoe. Mal says he let Wash come along because this is a “milk run” but he needs Zoe by his side when he goes into a mission. Wash says he’s been in a firefight before, but the truth is that he was only fired from a fry-cook opportunity. Mal asks if he even knows what Zoe’s job entails. Wash can learn as he goes.

Cut to Wash carrying the cargo. They meet their buyer and money is exchanged but Mal notices a laser sight square between the buyer’s eyes. Mal says, “OH SHIT!” (or close to that) in Chinese and tackles Wash to the ground as the buyer and his men are gunned down. Men dressed as soldiers appear and surround our guys.

After a Not Break, Book is working out with Jayne supposedly spotting for him, but he gets distracted when Inara and the Councilor walk down and kiss goodbye. Book struggles with his weight as Jayne gives Inara a lecherous grin. She rolls her eyes and heads back up to her shuttle. Jayne finally helps Book with the weight and says he’ll be in his bunk. Zoe quickly squashes those plans and tells him to grab his weapon. (Immature LOL.) (S: I immature LOL’d too.) The boys are late getting back from the drop and she wants to go check it out. Book offers to go too, as an extra pair of eyes, and Zoe reluctantly agrees.

On the planet, Zoe, Jayne and Book discover the bodies of the dead buyers. Book examines the wounds and can tell it’s the work of sharp shooters. Plus, the scorch marks nearby indicate that whoever has the crew left on a fast-burn shuttle – a craft found on space stations. Zoe connects the final dots and announces that she knows who has the boys.

Space Station of Torture. Mal and Wash are led into a room blindfolded and tied up. Wash is freaking out as Mal tries to slowly get a feel for the room he’s in. Mal asks for a little less talking and Wash thinks he’s up to the challenge. “Once in flight school, I was laconic.” But, being quiet is not Wash’s strong suit so he’s soon yelling at Mal about the danger Zoe is often in. She would’ve been the one on this mission even though Wash was the one she swore to love, honor and obey. Mal is taken aback by the “obey” thing and Wash admits that she didn’t actually vow to obey, which is part of his problem; Zoe obeys Mal. Wash is making it seem like Zoe blindly obeys Mal, and he claims that just isn’t the truth. Wash challenges Mal to name one order Zoe’s ever disobeyed and Mal screams back, “she married you!”

Sara: Awwwww shit.

Lor: The moment is broken when Niska and the Piano Teacher enter. Niska removes Mal’s blindfold and when Mal sees him he curses, “mother-humping son of a bitch.” Wash, still blindfolded, asks, “what?”

Back on Serenity, the rest of the crew are pooling their money. Book wants to know why Niska won’t just grab her and the money, but Zoe thinks he operates under his own gangsta’s code. (S: A missed opportunity to go for those Gangsta’s Paradise laughs again.) She tells them to wait some time, but if they don’t hear back, to grab Serenity and get out.

Space Station of Torture. Mal and Wash are tied up so that their shoulders are touching. They both have electrodes attached to their chests and are being electrocuted. In between shocks, Mal and Wash are carrying out a conversation, as best they can. Mal is saying that shipboard romances complicates things. Wash thinks Mal is just projecting his intimacy issues on his crew. Mal says that maybe he just thinks Wash isn’t good enough for Zoe. Wash doesn’t care what Mal thinks, but Mal thinks he does. He thinks maybe Wash has questions about the nature of Mal and Zoe’s history. Wash knows that Mal’s never slept with her, though, because he thinks all this stuff is just unresolved sexual tension. Mal is all, “oh, you want me to sleep with your wife?”

Sweeney: Oh, Mal, you twisted, beautiful bastard, I SEE WHAT YOU’RE DOING THERE. Brilliant, really. $10 says he brings this up later, though. Watch your words, Wash!

Lor: Good TV giving, girl!

At this point we are five more bursts of electricity into the torture. Wash’s body slumps against his restraints and Mal gets panicky. He starts yelling for Wash to listen to him. He’s going take Zoe into bed as soon as they get back to the ship. Another round of electricity takes us to a shot of the non-Sexy Shuttle docking on the Space Station of Torture.

Zoe boards the station and after being frisked is lead to Niska. As she walks, she looks around at the lay of the ship, and we also see some machinery running through the middle of the station.

In the torture room, Zoe tells Niska that she’s brought five times what he paid them for the train job. Zoe wants her men back but Niska has other ideas:

 

Sara: LOVE IT. Besides, you know she already has a plan.

Lor: She totally does, but I love that she takes this moment to be a badass and foil some of Niska’s enjoyment. Go ahead, Zoe.

After a cut to black, Wash is released and falls to the ground. Zoe helps him up, but he looks and calls back to the captain. Mal shakes his head just as Zoe tells him to shush and just keep walking. Niska calls her back. Zoe leans Wash against the wall as she faces Niska, who tells her that she’s paid too much money. He cuts off Mal’s ear and offers it back to her as a refund. Zoe watches stone faced and when the ear is handed to her, wrapped up in a cloth, she sticks it in her shirt, grabs her husband and walks away. In the background we hear Mal’s screams.

Non-Sexy Shuttle. Wash falls to his knees and says that “he’s” insane, but he isn’t talking about Niska. “He’s crazy. He wouldn’t break, Zoe.” Wash is worried that Niska will kill Mal, but Zoe knows he’ll make the torture last for days. Wash stands, determined, and says the bastard won’t get days.

Serenity. Wash and Zoe are back and the crew hover around them. Inara is the first to ask after Mal. Zoe hands Simon the cloth and tells him to put it on ice. Simon opens it up and Inara and Kaylee both gasp and turn away from the ear. They refrain from the EW EW EW EW with accompanying EW EW dance I would’ve been doing. (S: +1) (S: It involves a shaking of the hands, yes?)(L: You clearly know the very one.)

Zoe says they will get Mal back and Jayne, still looking at the ear asks, “what are we gonna do, clone him?” YES PLEASE. LOTS OF MALS. ONE FOR ME. If there are extras, Sara can have one, I guess. (S: Or two!)

Torture Room. Niska asks Mal if he’s familiar with the writings of Shan Yu. Mal asks, between groaning and crying out, if they are starting a book club. Niska laughs and says today they meet the real Malcom. Niska pulls out a “special machine” and attaches it to Mal’s torso. It whirs around and sinks some teeth into him, kind of like a spider. Ew.

Serenity. Zoe and Wash are loading up on weapons and Jayne watches from the door. He thinks going to get Mal is a suicide mission. Zoe says Niska won’t be expecting it and Jayne answers that’s on account of it being insane. Kaylee enter-nounces that Inara is trying to reach the Councilor but with no luck so far. She asks Jayne what the other two are doing. Jayne: Fixin’ to get themselves killed. Zoe says they are going to get the captain. Kaylee asks if they can do that. Jayne says no and Wash says you don’t leave a man behind. He punctuates this by loading and cocking a teeny tiny gun.

Sweeney: It’s precious. Zoe’s face says she agrees.

Lor: All armed, Zoe and Wash head out of the kitchen only to find Kaylee, Simon and Book also grabbing weapons. They want to help too. Zoe reminds Book about the Bible having some things to say about killing. Book says it is fuzzier however on the subject of kneecaps. The last to join the party is Jayne, because he couldn’t actually sit this thing out. Plus, he’s got Vera.

Sweeney: Obligation or not, my heart swelled up about 8 sizes watching the whole gang gear up for battle.

Lor: Totally with you.

Torture Room. The Piano Teacher pokes Mal and proclaims him definitely dead. After a break, the Piano Teacher brings Mal back to life with a defibrillator. Whedon likes to bring his characters back to life. Niska tells Mal he died and he chokes out, “it seemed like the thing to do,” in reply. Niska has to drag the torture out, though, because people know that Mal crossed him, and he has a reputation to uphold. People have to know that his business is still running.

Serenity. The ship is dark and Wash explains that he’s powered down the ship in the hopes that they’ll show up as a glitch on the radar. Jayne is iffy about this whole plan, but Zoe is proud of Wash because this power down method is like “throwing a dart… and hitting a bulls-eye 6,000 miles away.” Wash says they’ll be landing soon and sends Zoe and Jayne to the bay.

 

In the cargo bay, Book is strapping some stuff to the mule. Zoe makes sure everyone’s ready, Wash joins them downstairs, and then Zoe tells them if it moves they shoot it. Kaylee cutely adds, “unless it’s the Captain!”

Torture Room. Just as the Piano Teacher is about to start up on Mal again, alarms start going off.

Down at the Space Station of Torture’s entrance, the Serenity crew send in the mule. The Torture Guards shoot at it and it explodes. Jayne, Zoe and Wash are the first to exit Serenity. Zoe tosses a grenade and the calls for the second team. She tells them to hold this ground or else all is lost. To illustrate that he’s got the instructions, Book shoots an approaching guard in the knee. Jayne, Zoe and Wash take off, with Zoe in the lead.

Sara: I love seeing Book be a BAMF.

Lor: Niska calls into his guards to see what the commotion is about. Mal takes this chance to thrown the spider machine at the Piano Teacher and punches Niska IN THE FACE. Mal growls, “you want to meet the real me now?”

Out in the corridors, our heroes are doing badass things. Jayne gets shot in the shoulder. Zoe barrel rolls, stands, and whips two pistols out of her shoulder holsters and I kind of want to be her when I grow up. Wash included.

With the second team, Book is holding it down, but Simon and Kaylee are more nervous. Jayne shouts that they need Book to cover them, so he takes off, and nods to Simon to take his place. More guards arrive, and Kaylee is really freaking out now, gun shaking in her hand. She runs back into Serenity and takes cover. River joins her and quickly looks out at the three guards who are approaching. She picks up Kaylee’s abandoned gun. “Can’t look, can’t look,” she chants as she stands, and with her face turned, fires three shots. Silence.

Sweeney: River grows ever-more badass and also terrifying with each episode. I am so intrigued.

Lor: Kaylee peers out. All three guards are dead. She looks at River in disbelief. River smiles a little back at her and teases:

 

Torture Room. Mal is beating Niska up, but the Piano Teacher comes to again and attacks Mal from behind. They fall through a nearby window so that they are now at the edge of a killer shaft. That is, a shaft that will certainly kill you should you happen to fall down it. The Piano Teacher is choking Mal with a length of cable. Jayne, Zoe and Wash finally make it to the Torture Room and see Mal struggling with the Piano Teacher. Jayne raises his gun, but Zoe stops him and says this is something Mal has to do for himself. “No! No, it’s not,” comes the cry from the edge of the shaft. “Oh,” Zoe says, and those three kill the shit out of the Piano Teacher.

Serenity, some time later. Simon is packing up some medical equipment, when Mal comes into the bay, fiddling with his newly reattached ear. It’s reattached by space magic too, so it looks brand new. Mal tells Inara to thank the Councilor for getting them the equipment, so that her purpose for the episode was like one little baby step above, “hubba, hubba women.”

Mal thanks the doctor for taking up arms in the mission to rescue him. Simon says he’s never shot anyone before and Book is on hand to be all, “I was there. You still haven’t.” Mal laughs and heads off, passing Kaylee and giving her a precious little hand squeeze as he goes. As Kaylee watches Mal leave, she also notices River up on the catwalk. River isn’t doing anything, but Kaylee is clearly shifting around uncomfortably.

Sweeney: I love the build up on the River plot. Her very introduction in the pilot screamed, “BIG IMPORTANT STUFF!” but then the show successfully put that to the side to do a lot world and character building instead. They’ve done an excellent job of slowly teasing out the investigation of what exactly the deal is with River.

All of that is to say: RIGHT, BUT NOW I’M IMPATIENT AND I WANT TO KNOW.

Lor: I love Snows. I mean, being a Snow is rough, but Snows are awesome.

Kitchen. Zoe is serving up some soup. Wash is sitting at the table, facing us, and smiling so much. Zoe brings the bowl to Wash and he figures he must’ve done good to get some, “wife soup.” Mal enters the kitchen still in a lot of pain and asks Wash if he told Zoe about his plan to have Mal sleep with his wife. (S: I WIN!) Wash protests, it was the torture talking, but Mal insists. He grabs Zoe’s hands, put one on his hip and one on his shoulder and deadpans that they have to get it on. Zoe deadpans back that they have no choice. They reluctantly purse their lips a little and bring their heads closer together and it’s actually uncomfortable to watch. Good on those two actors. Wash ends the act by grabbing Zoe and saying they’ll be in their bunk.

Jayne, who entered the kitchen not too long ago, sees the abandoned soup and rejoices, playfully hitting Mal on the chest. Mal groans.

Sweeney: This episode felt a little contrived in places, but is an automatic win for the fact that everybody came into play here. Some more than others, of course, but I loved all the group interactions, and after last week’s epic betrayal, it was nice to have the show abruptly turn that on us and show us the immense loyalty they all feel toward one another. I also have to give the jealousy plot props for being so well-done and sympathetic. Over on Angel there are about 16 jealousy threads and I hate each and every one of them, so it’s nice to have this contrast in which we can say, “This is how you write that in a non-obnoxious/ragey way.”

Sara: Everything Sweeney said, yes. And I’m sure everyone is excited about this one because of the “I’ll be in my bunk” reference that we all say way too often in regular life.

 

Next time: Christina Hendricks is back and she wants to steal stuff in Firefly S01 E 11 – Trash.