Previously: Mona was A. But she was like one A and we still don’t know anything.
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It Happened ‘That Night’
Lorraine: The episode starts looking out at a shed, in a shot very similar to the Pilot. It’s five months after the events of the season two finale and the close of summer break. In the clunky way we’ve come to know and love to make fun of, the girls recap their summers: Aria beat out thousands of applicants for a photography course (S: LOL. Have we ever once seen Aria take a picture?); Spencer took a full load of classes at Hollis College of Pottery and Pedophiles; Emily built houses for the less fortunate; Hanna had a to-do list which she kind of completed.
Lor: Hanna and Aria are both sporting shorter hair, Hanna’s with a little more curl than we’ve seen and Aria’s seems straighter than before. I’m partial to both styles. Sorry. It’s a season opener. I gotta talk hair.
Sweeney: The show’s title leads with its strengths. We always have to talk pretty. (I’m also a fan of the new hair. You go girls!)
Lor: Emily pours some more alcohol into her drink and Aria warns her that they are already pretty strong. Emily’s tells her that (1) – she’s a pixie and (2) – Em’s gotten really good at drinking. A couple of things about that: (a) – being short is really cool because it saves you money on drinks and gives you an awesome excuse to be a lightweight. (b) – Shay Mitchell is giving really good buzzed face right now.
Sweeney: And here I thought Hanna had been shaping up to be the resident alcoholic Liar! Sneak attack by Emily.
Lor: Don’t count Spencer out, either. Or maybe living in Rosewood means eventually becoming an alcoholic.
The Liars get synchronized text messages and Spencer reads it aloud: Show us your boobs. -A. Aria wonders if Mona has a 10 year old brother and Emily snarks that it’s A for annoying. Spencer tries to assure them that they’ll eventually be old news, but Aria thinks there will always be something to make them news again- Garrett’s trial or Mona talking. Emily says maybe she’ll show someone her boobs and then they’ll be news again.
After that comment, Spencer confiscates Emily’s alcohol, though Em demands it back because she thought this was a party. Hanna breaks the tension by welcoming Emily back home. Spencer raises a toast to making it to senior year and Emily is all, “bitch, did you hear about my dead girlfriend?” Spencer apologies and Emily toasts to Maya. The rain keeps falling outside and the girls keep drinking.
Sweeney: I felt real awkward when that happened because I totes forgot about that too. Oops. Sorry, Maya.
Sara: Totally understandable. Maya was a snoozefest, sorrynotsorry.
Lor: Later that night, Spencer’s damn door is open again. They need to deadbolt that thing. Hanna and Aria wake up to find Emily and Spencer missing. Spencer comes down stairs and in another pilot mirror, she says that Emily is gone.
Sara: Girlfriend digs fast, huh?
Lor: SHHHHHHH.
After the credits, all of the Liars are looking at the empty grave. Emily has a seat next to a gravestone and Hanna tends to her. Aria and Spencer whisper about how drunk she is and how she apparently doesn’t remember digging up a whole grave? But no, jokes, Emily didn’t dig up this grave because she’s actually too drunk to hold herself upright, and digging seems like a ton of work. Work I probably wouldn’t do sober, so yeah, probably not so much with the drunk digging.
Spencer gets her Nancy Drew on and discovers that Emily received two phone calls, one from a blocked number Emily doesn’t remember, and one from Spencer’s phone at midnight, while everyone was sleeping. Spencer quickly figures out that this is all a set-up, and they are standing near or around a shovel right now, which makes them practically murderers. A twig snaps in the background, Spencer grabs the shovel and rushes the Liars away.
Sara: GIRLS. Haven’t you learned anything about shovels at this point?!
Lor: I know I, for one, will never touch a shovel ever again in my life.
In the woods, Hanna and Aria do a half-assed job of wiping down the shovel and burying it.
Back at Spencer’s house, Emily strips out of her clothes as Spencer says that they only person who would benefit from a missing body would be Alison’s killer. Emily says that Garrett killed Maya too, but if we know why they think that, I forgot, or I missed it. As for Garrett’s cohorts, Spencer doesn’t think Jenna would help the guy she put in jail and Melissa is in Philadelphia. Spencer thinks someone else is helping Garrett. She throws Emily’s clothes into the fire and those two watch them burn.
Sweeney: It’s nice that their skill of routinely losing/destroying evidence has finally become useful!
Lor: Hanna and Aria are driving when Hanna spots Lucas walking out to his car late at night. It’s apparently really suspicious, but probably because a nefarious storm is brewing and only suspicious people leave their houses when it’s storming in Rosewood. I guess. You’d think that now that we’re in season 3 I’d be better at understanding why everyone is a suspect.
Hastings House. The girls reunite. The next part of their plan is to go to the Hasting’s lake house and leave a note for absentee Mariska Mom that’ll make it look like the Liars have been at the lake house all day.
That next morning, the Liars all sit around the lake house when a phone call interrupts the silence. Spencer picks up and it’s Mariska Mom with the news of the disturbed grave. Spencer’s first question is, “were there any witnesses,” which, if she’s going to commit to this whole scheme, she should’ve gone with a, “WHAT? OMG SO SHOCKED. WHO WHAT WHEN WHERE WHY?” approach.
Spencer reports back to her friends that the police have no leads. They exhale. Emily blames herself for being so wasted she was lead out of a house and staged next to an open grave. That is pretty wasted. (S: Seriously.) Aria says they still have time to go to the cops, and though Garrett is officially off the force, I still feel justified saying: LOL. There is a Detective Wilden still out there, and I’m sure plenty of young, rookie cops, waiting to make an LOL name for themselves. (S: Especially now that we’re giving them prestigious awards to aspire to!) Everyone kind of ignores Aria’s suggestion as Spencer lays out their flimsy cover story: they got to the lake house in the afternoon, roasted marshmallows, talked about having a fun senior year and went to sleep early. Hanna prompts Emily who says she understands. “Last night never happened.”
After a Not Commercial Break, Aria startles awake. She was napping on Ezra’s couch and he makes a comment about how he thought the nightmares ended. They did, but apparently they are back. I feel like this is just a giant metaphor for how we took a little break between the end of season 2 and the beginning of season 3. And now the nightmare that is Ezria is back.
Sweeney: SAME THOUGHT. I was similarly startled by the horrifying sight of her napping on her Pedobear ex-teacher.
Lor: No matter how old the guy you are dating is, babies need nap times.
Ezra picks up the newspaper he was reading and says it was a lucky thing the girls were at the lake house when Alison’s remains were stolen. Aria gives a guilty, “WELP.” look and stays silent as Ezra exposits that the front page article talks about how Maya may have had some evidence that linked Garrett to Alison’s murder. Aria thinks Maya would’ve told Emily about something like that and Ezra thinks maybe she got murdered before she’d had the chance.
Ezra tries to change the subject by asking Aria if she knows what this weekend is. Labor Day, which is also the anniversary of Alison’s death. Ezra’s all, “pfft. I was thinking about that one time we dry humped in a bar.” He wants Labor Day to be their anniversary and not the anniversary of when her best friend’s face was murdered off, starting a series of events that have nearly ruined her life on multiple occasions. Hawt. Ezra then lifts her up on the kitchen counter for another Pilot mirror scene, and one that will most certainly give me nightmares. Here, let me share:
Sweeney: THAT WAS SUCH AN ASSHOLE MOVE, LOR. RUDE.
Sara: BRB, GAGGING.
Lor: SORRY, BUT WE MUSTN’T SUFFER ALONE.
Hanna and her mom shop together. Hanna’s trying on a gaudy necklace. Ashley picks out a shirt and asks Hanna if she likes it. Hanna snarks that it’s great for a pregnant woman and then joke-asks if there is something she should know about. Ashley grumbles about how she’d need to be having sex in order to get pregnant. Hanna started all this, but she didn’t actually want to hear about her mom’s sex life. She tells Ashley that she can date, but she isn’t open for business. I have a feeling this has less to do with normal, “my parents having sex EW EW EW” and more to do with, “that one time Ashley Marin used her vagina to keep Hanna out of jail.”
Mariska Mom catches just the tail end of that conversation and wonders if Ashley is starting a business. One dropped shoplifting charge does not a business make. (S: A+) Ashley shoos Hanna off to go shop. Ashley tells Mariska that she thought retail therapy might help Hanna deal with the recent headlines. Mariska shares that a judge had ordered Alison’s body exhumed, but it was stolen before anyone got there. She doesn’t think that’s a coincidence. Ashley is just thankful the girls were at the lake house.
Sara: Just thinking about someone hauling a months old corpse around is giving me the icks. And did they carry it off in their car? Because those stains would be difficult to get out, I’d imagine.
Lor: I hadn’t even thought about the logistics. Huh.
Emily and Spencer are in another part of the store. Spencer gets a call from a unknown number, which she ignores. She lies to Hanna that it was just Toby, who is apparently living on his own in a loft. Spencer is a fan of said loft because the plumbing is broken, so Toby has to shower his Abs at her house everyday. Spencer probably broke the plumbing herself.
Sweeney: And because that means screen time for Toby’s Abs, we thank her.
Lor: Nearby, two ladies whisper and glare at our girls. Hanna offers to take a picture and send it to them, which effectively scares them away. Spencer wants to ditch the moms and catch a movie, but Hanna can’t because she has an appointment with Dr. Sullivan. Spencer is a little surprised she’s still seeing the doctor, and makes sure that Hanna won’t tell about being near or around a shovel 2.0. Hanna says of course she won’t. Ashley finds her daughter and says it’s time to go. Hanna follows her mom out but remembers at the last minute the necklace she put on. She undoes it and leaves it on a counter as the Tinkly Music of You’ve Come a Long Way (S: A+) takes us into the next scene.
An attendee hands someone we can’t see yet a name tag with the last name Rivers. The attendee says that there’s been no change in the patient but the visits are very appreciated. The patient is Mona and the visitor is Hanna. Aw, Hanna.
Sweeney: Even if Mona is batshit crazy, I appreciate this show still trying to give me Hanna/Mona feels.
Lor: Crazy friends are people too.
Emily unpacks her stuff and finds the Lesbian Scarf that Maya gave her. She wraps the scarf around a frame and stares at the picture of her and Maya sadly. Mama Fields comes in and tells her that there was a reporter at the door, but she slammed the door in his face. Emily smiles approvingly. Mama Fields tries to give Emily some encouraging words about how time helps grief, but Emily says she’s okay.
Hanna flips through a magazine next to a non-responsive Mona but she gets fed up. She sits on the bed and asks if Mona’s going to look right through her forever. It isn’t easy for Hanna to visit, but she needs to know what she did to make Mona hate her so much. Because it really was an inordinate amount of hate. Kind of like if someone tried to quit piano lessons and their piano teacher dismembered them. Sorry, I’ll never be over that.
Hanna grabs her stuff and leaves. On the way out, who does she run into? Wren, of course! Wren calls her Hanna, but then plays along when Hanna gives him big eyes and says she’s totally not anyone named Hanna. Wren volunteers at this institution a few times a month. (S: In between his busy time being a doctor and hitting on teenage girls?) Hanna confesses that she’s here to try and get some answers, though Wren tells her that those are hard to come by when dealing with mental illness. Hanna is starting to see that. Wren leads her away and when the camera pans back to Mona’s room, we see that she’s standing at the door, peaking at them through the crack.
Hastings House. Toby is getting out of his shower, saying something about fixing the plumbing soon, but Spencer is mostly just admiring the view. Spencer and me too.
Spencer gets another call from an unknown number and she ignores it while Toby is all, “hey, I am also glad that all of you were at the lake house.” Yep, guys. We get it. Being not at the lake house would be a sad thing.
Rosewood High. Caleb and Hanna have plans to meet after school to cook together, though Hanna is sending him to the store alone. He protests but she says, “dong po” seductively and he’s convinced. I’m not making that up.
Hanna joins Spencer and Aria mid-conversation about Ezra:
I can only hope that he is defeated, much like Voldemort was. Fingers crossed.
Spencer greets Lucas as he walks by but he just glares at them suspiciously. Lucas does stop to talk to a tall brunette, which, they note, is the description of the Black Swan from the masquerade ball. Apparently, Lucas has been acting dark and shady since then. Spencer asks if anyone has heard from Emily, but no one has. It’s because Em’s standing just outside the window nearest them, watching them from behind a column.
We cut to Aria taking a pee break. She hangs up her purse and tries to lock the stall, but the lock is broken. She tries to lock that damn stall more times than seems logical, especially if you really have to pee. Someone else walks in and the creepy music is really loud I guess? Because Aria’s reaction is, “HELLO?” These girls are so ruined. Who uses a public bathroom and calls, “HELLO?” any time someone walks in?
Aria can see the person moving outside of her stall, wearing all black, and she starts to panic. The lock still won’t work and she cries for help. After a cut to black we find her sitting on the bathroom floor (ew). Spencer and Hanna rush in to help her. Aria says she had a panic attack because she saw A. Spencer says it can’t be because Mona is locked up and Hanna hears she’s practically in a coma.
Aria cries that it might all be an act, but Spencer assures her that they are safe. They all hug.
Later, Spencer is at home looking at drawings of what I assume is the Black Swan masquerade mask. She shuts her laptop hastily as her mom enters the kitchen. Mariska Mom pretends she likes her daughter and invites her out a night on the town, but Spencer says she has a test to study for. She also gets another call from an unknown number and ignores it. Mom gone, Spencer packs up her stuff and heads out.
Montgomery Manse. Piper Mom and Aria are packing up her stuff because she’s breaking up with her husband and moving out. Aria whines about how this is all her fault because she’s dating her teacher. Piper Mom says that’s only one of the issues that broke them apart, on account of how Byron was all, “WTF? NO.” and Piper Mom was all, “maybe?” But the real issues is that they are two different people now and they shouldn’t have to pretend otherwise. Aria says that Piper Mom is letting her be who she wants to be by allowing her to be with Ezra.
Sara: SALDKFAOVNEIORFASDF UGH.
Lor: Bratgomery scenes are kind of amazing in that they each find a way to make sure you hate this family more. I HATE THEM ALL. Mike too for not being around more to punch Ezra.
Sweeney: And for the fact that he apologized for it afterwards. I mostly focus on the punching, but the apology bummed me out.
Lor: Rosewood’s One Restaurant. I actually think this may be another restaurant, but whatevs. Toby meets Emily. She tells him he looks happy and he says he is, and it’s precious. They chat a little about Toby living on his own, but Toby can tell that Emily is not okay.
Sara: Oh my god, the show remembered that Toby and Emily used to be friends! Good for you, writers, good for you.
Lor: Spencer is back at the Lost Woods Resort. A’s Lair, room #2, is completely emptied out except for a table. Spencer takes out her laptop.
Marin Manor. Hanna and Caleb are cooking together as he asks about her “therapy sessions.” She vagues about them and says she never talks about him. He finds this hard to believe, seeing as how they are “intimate.” Hanna pokes fun at him for using the “I” word, but Caleb is saved by a phone call. Hanna pretends it’s Spencer but it’s actually Wren calling to say that Mona is making progress and her doctors think the visits are helping.
Back in the motel room, Spencer gets another call and finally picks it up. She answers, “I’m listening,” and we pull out of the shot dramatically and cut away to Montgomery Manse where Piper Mom announces to Aria that the police require her presence.
The Liars minus Emily each get questioned and they repeat the story they rehearsed about spending the day at the lakehouse. Outside of the police station, and not inside with their still minor children, the Parents worry. Mariska Mom says it’s routine and part of the ongoing investigation, but Piper doesn’t really buy it. And to make matters worse for her right now, Ezra comes strolling up to the police station. Piper is all, “PLEASE LEAVE,” and his response is, “I thought we were past this.” I mean, Aria is getting closer to 18 now, I guess. I have issues with them less because it’s illegal and more because I hate them, but also Ezra should keep his ass away from police just to play it safe. (S: “UGH, I THOUGHT YOU, AN EDUCATOR AND PARENT, WERE OVER MY HIGHLY ILLEGAL/GROSS ABUSE OF MY TEACHERLY AUTHORITY.”) The girls are released and Aria joins her mom and her boyfriend. Ezra’s all, “so anyway, dinner?” Piper is uncomfortable but agrees to go with them, because she’s the worst.
Mental Institute. I wrote “Metal” the first time. Hanna chats to Mona but doesn’t get much response until the end when she asks if Mona wants her to keep coming back. She turns and smiles, but we see from her point of view, that she’s smiling at a hallucination of Alison in a red coat sitting just behind Hanna.
Locked Up, They Won’t Let Me Out Jail. The mysterious calls Spencer was receiving were from Garrett, who surely got a ton of phone privileges. She visits him now as he says that he did some bad stuff but he definitely did not kill Alison or Maya. He doesn’t know anything about Maya, but he may know who killed Alison. He wants a lawyer, though, and Mariska Mom is one of the best in the state. Spencer won’t help Garrett. She starts to leave so he freaks out, saying it isn’t over, she isn’t safe, and he knows what happened to the body.
Emily is jogging. She stops when she sees a car that sends her into flashback. She gets a text message that says, “I bet you remember me.” By the time she looks back up, someone is driving away in that car.
Hastings House. Hanna, Aria and Spencer were hanging out, but they are still worried about Emily and why they can’t reach her. Hanna tries to call again, but better, Emily shows up. She explains that when she got home, the police pulled her into the station too, but she didn’t tell them anything. She did, however, remember something from “that night.”
In flashes, we see what Emily remembers which is mostly a trunk and like, a starry sky? Out of the flashback, the girls are all, “that’s what you remember?” That and she got that mysterious text message. Hanna finally confesses that she’s been visiting A, so she knows for sure that Mona wasn’t involved in That Night.
Sara: Fun GIF is fun!
Lor: Next, it’s Spencer’s turn to share. She takes them back to the motel. On Spencer’s laptop, she shows them a recreation of how the room looked when it was A’s lair. Emily is confused but they tell her the truth that we the audience haven’t heard yet either: Hanna and Spencer came back to empty out the room the night everything happened, but by the time they came back, it was empty. They know the police don’t have it, because Ashley and Ezra aren’t arrested for their illegal activities. This means that A is working with someone else. (S: Also there’s the fact that Mona specifically referred to it as the “A Team” to Spencer.) She pulls up the picture of Black Swan’s costume as a car alarm goes off. The girls go outside and find all the doors to Spencer’s car open. Inside, there are pictures everywhere of the Liars standing in front of Alison’s empty grave. And in the final scene reminiscent of the pilot, the girls all get a threatening text message.
Next time: A is still a threat and the Liars try to deal with it. So, like, a normal day in Rosewood in Pretty Little Liars S03 E02 – Blood is the New Black.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
I'm a 30-something with three kids who spends an embarrassing amount of time watching teen television dramas. There's a whole lot of Internet out there, and I plan on reading all of it before I die.
