Sweeney: Why yes, we are starting another insane new thing. It’s a new year, which means it’s time for us to reflect on all the exciting and traumatizing events of the previous year. That’s sort of what we did in yesterday’s TMYK, but as we mentioned then, Traumaland is a community and we want you all to be a part of this process. As Traumaland expands, we have an ever-growing cast of characters to recognize for all the ways they either got us to feel all the feelings or simply ruined us for life. For that I give you: The Traumaland Awards
How it works: We came up with a handful of categories and nominees. (All chosen from things that happened — on the blog — in 2013) You have about two weeks to make your decision, campaign for your favorites, rig the vote – whatever. We’ll be posting the official ballot link on Tuesday, January 14th.
Lorraine: Should you vlog or blog about your choices in the Traumaland Awards be sure to link us in the comments so we can pimp out your material. If you are going to Tweet about it, use the hashtag #TraumalandAwards so we can find you. In a non-creepy way.
Sweeney: Same goes for Tumblr as well! We’ll be following the hashtag there too, to reblog your campaign efforts. (We’ll be posting each category separately to our Tumblr throughout the day today.) Depending on how many of you decide to post things elsewhere, and how quickly you do it, we might even put together a mini-roundup on Tuesday the 6th, to keep everyone excited and thinking about their votes. Or maybe not. We’ll see 😉
And now, the nominees:
Substitute Parent of the Year
- Giles, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
- Ashley Marin (to Emily Fields), Pretty Little Liars
Pedobear Award
- Ezra Fitz, Pretty Little Liars
- Wren, Pretty Little Liars
- Ian Thomas, Pretty Little Liars
- Garret Reynolds, Pretty Little Liars
- Elena Lincoln [MRS. RAPE], Fifty Shades Trilogy
The Sandy Cohen Eyebrows Award for Non-Negligent Parenting
- Ashley Marin, Pretty Little Liars
- Keith Mars, Veronica Mars
- Ned Stark, Game of Thrones
Best Effing Dance
- Sunnydale High School Homecoming, which becomes Slayerfest ’98. Buffy the Vampire Slayer S03 E05 Homecoming
- Persephone Ball, where Kaylee’s awesome is appreciated. Firefly S01 E04 – Shindig
- Rosewood High Homecoming, where everyone runs down the halls a lot. Pretty Little Liars S01 E06 – There’s No Place Like Homecoming
- Sunnydale High School Prom, during which Jonathan gives the Class Protector award. Buffy the Vampire Slayer S03 E20 – The Prom
One Truly Traumatic Pairing (OTTP)
- Cersei Lannister/Jaime Lannister, Game of Thrones
- Aria Montgomery/Ezra Fitz, Pretty Little Liars
- Buffy Summers/Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
- Cordelia Chase/Connor, Angel
- Ana Steele/Christian Grey, Fifty Shades Trilogy
Most Tragic Magic Vagina
- Melisandre [Creepy Red], birthing a dementor baby. Game of Thrones S02 E04 – Garden of Bones.
- Buffy Summers, waking up poltergeists with sex. Buffy the Vampire Slayer So4 E18 – Where the Wild Things Are.
- Darla, becoming magically pregnant with Connor and dying during childbirth. Angel, S03 E09 – Lullaby
LOLPD Officer of the Year
- Kate Lockley, Angel
- Detective Wilden, Pretty Little Liars
- Gossip Cop, Pretty Little Liars
- Garret Reynolds, Pretty Little Liars
- Sheriff Don Lam, Veronica Mars
Best Use of the Pretty White Virginal Dress
- Willow Rosenberg, wearing a white ensemble before killing a baby deer. Buffy the Vampire Slayer S06 E01 – Bargaining, Part 1
- Cordelia Chase, clad in white as she ascends to a higher dimension. Angel S03 E22 – Tomorrow
- Veronica Mars, having the worst night ever in a white dress. Veronica Mars S01 E01 – Pilot
Best Punch or Slap to the Face
- Buffy catches Faith off guard, Faith twirls around and decks Buffy. S03 E04 – Beauty and the Beasts.
- Buffy punching Ethan Rayne while Giles cheers in the background. S03 E06 – Band Candy
- Mike punching Ezra Fitz when he told the Montgomery parents about their pedolationship. Pretty Little Liars S02 E14 – Through Many Dangers, Toils and Snares
- Tyrion punching Prince Joffrey. Twice. S01 E02 – The King’s Road.
- Hanna slaps Jenna for hiring Caleb to spy on her. Pretty Little Liars, S01 E20 – Someone to Watch Over Me.
- Cersei slaps Prince Joffrey for talking about her incest-lationship. Game of Thrones S02 E01 – The North Remembers.
Pass The Brain Bleach Moment of the Year
- Spike attempts to rape Buffy. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, S06 E19 – Seeing Red.
- Connor and Cordelia have sex. Angel, S04 E07 – Apocalypse, Nowish.
- The entire Red Wedding. Game of Thrones, S03 E09 – The Rains of Castamere
The Baby Come Back Saddest Death Award
- Ned Stark, Game of Thrones
- Lady the direwolf, Game of Thrones
- Robb Stark, Game of Thrones
- Joyce Summers, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
- Tara MaClay, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
- Allen Francis Doyle, Angel
Best Use of the Flashback
- Darla in an array of fine wigs. Angel, S02 E07 – Darla.
- Lily has a secret, and it’s good. Veronica Mars, S01 E01 – Pilot.
- Jenna was blinded in an explosion. Pretty Little Liars, S01 E02 – The Jenna Thing.
- Angel gets a big bag of racist money and a new headquarters. Angel, S02 E02 – Are You Now or Have You Ever Been.
- Mal remembers how he came about Serenity as he almost dies. Firefly, S01 E08 – Out of Gas.
Best Villain
- Tywin Lannister, Game of Thrones
- The Mayor, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
- Glory, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
- Lilah Morgan, Angel
- A, Pretty Little Liars
So there you have it. Your contenders for the first annual Traumaland Awards. The actual polls will open on Tuesday, January 14. Head to the comments to share your lengthy thoughts on wigs, brain bleach, and punches IN THE FACE. We can’t wait to hear your deep thoughts on these important issues, either here in the comments or on Twitter/Tumblr #TraumalandAwards
