Angel S04 E16 – Hellspawn Maternity Wear

Previously: Willow came to LA and gave Angel his soul back! But then she left and took Faith with her, so, boo.
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Players

Sweeney: The previouslies suggest that Gwen is coming back, so I’m trying to keep that in mind as I watch this scene in which Cordevilia comes clean about her pregnancy in the Maternity Outfit of Evil and the gang is totally oblivious to her Bad Girl Styling. I know there’s no leather, but this is like the fashion equivalent of the Big Book of Villain Gloating. I CAN’T EVEN. WAKE UP, FANG GANG. They’re too busy fussing about how quickly she’s developed, though Wesley is quick to point out that this isn’t Cordelia’s first mystical pregnancy rodeo and she came to term the same night on her last go-round. Cordevila takes offense to that comparison because she loves this baby. To be fair, Cordelia loved her hellspawn during pregnancy the last time around too. Connor’s reassuring stance by her side doesn’t do the NOT A HELLSPAWN! argument any favors.

Kirsti: While her outfit is definitely straight out the Big Book of Villain Gloating and it’s stupid that the Fang Gang haven’t twigged on the EVIL!! front, I’m pretty sure they’re in shock on account of EW CORDY/CONNOR and WHY and PASS THE BRAIN BLEACH with a side of WTF ARE YOU WEARING? So there’s surprisingly little room left for EVIL!! You know?

Sweeney: No. The outfit is evil. Period.

Connor gets butthurt about the hellspawn jokes because he’s about to be a teenage father (18 might be legal, but still a teenager) and his toddler’s emotional maturity hasn’t equipped him to handle that.

Lorraine: His line about making jokes because they don’t like him reminded me of our resident Connor-defender in comments. But also, I laughed because it’s true. This is why you shouldn’t be a jerk, people, ’cause if you are, then no one is going to care about your mystical pregnancies. #SnarkLadyAdvice

Sweeney: Cordevilia tells them that they don’t know shit about pregnancy and she feels this thing’s goodness. It’s actually really similar to her protectiveness of actual!Cordelia’s first mystical pregnancy. After assuring them of its goodness, she turns around and looks at her stomach so the Terrible Special Effects Team can put some Alex Mac Goo gurgle on her belly.

Lor: The fact that she’s all, “none of you know what it’s like to procreate!” is a kick in the nuts to Angel, but also, it pushes to the forefront how much we didn’t need another mystical pregnancy. GET OVER IT, ANGEL THE SERIES.

Sweeney: Electric Cellos.

An anxious guy in a trench coat is standing outside in a nice plaza at night. (K: It’s Jack’s boyfriend Tobey from Dawson’s Creek!! Also, he was in Crossing Jordan for a while.) Gwen shows up and he’s creeped out by Gwen’s sneaky appearance. I deliberately refrained from calling this guy Shifty Dude because so many one episode characters make shifty entrances and we use the word a lot, but the fates want his name to be Shifty Dude because Gwen (who would fit right in here as long as she promised not to electrocute our stuff) tells him to stop acting so shifty. He does not heed her request, and she tells him that shifty, helpful, or otherwise, she’s going in to get someone named Lisa. They finally exchange money for information. He flirts with her, but then a lightning bolt strikes her and he splits. Legit reaction.

Hyperion Lobby. The non-future-parent-or-grandparent segment of the gang chat. Gunn’s not sorry for his hellspawn jokes. (Neither are we.) They rehash their evidence that Connor is part-demon and decide the hellspawn’s doubly demon parentage would explain the growth hormone. They use a lot of gross onomatopoeia to describe the situation.

Summoned by his super-hearing and the suggestion that he should be present instead of skulking, Angel comes out and mocks their less inspired word choices before getting defensive about the skulking. He has to be actively lying to himself if he really believes he doesn’t skulk.

K: NGL, Angel’s monotone Cliff’s Notes version of their conversation made me giggle. 

Lor: Plus, I like defensive Angel. But he totes skulks.

Sweeney: More importantly, he informs them of a back-detail they were missing from his time as Angelus: that The Beast killed Lilah, not Angelus. Not entirely right. Angel says that there’s no excuse for what Angelus did, but he is sorry for Wesley’s loss. Angel then starts doling out jobs. Lorne’s gotta listen to rumblings around town, Fred & Wesley on mystical pregnancy research, and Gunn’s supposed to just sit around and be strong. Angel’s talking about how he’ll be doing some big epic thinking when Gwen walks in and says she needs help from someone good in a tight spot. Angel smugly thinks it’s him, but no, she means Gunn. Given that his job was, “muscle on deck,” there’s not much reason not to oblige.

K: Meanwhile, I’m distracted by the fact that Lorne is wearing BRIGHT RED SHOES. This has absolutely no bearing on the episode, I just think they’re awesome.

Sweeney: They are absolutely awesome. Given how much time I’m going to spend stomping my feet over Cordevilia’s outfit, it’s worth giving the costume department some credit for their good choices.

Upstairs Connor is getting his genetic brood on when Cordevilia comes to tell him he can’t get upset about everyone laughing at his hellspawn. Connor’s not mad about any of that – he’s confused about her behavior in the last couple days — all the terrible shit she told him to do. Cordevilia plays the Scared Pregnant Lady card, but Connor’s still suspicious. He’s a little more swayed by her confessing that she can trust him, given that nobody else seems to. She says that she might ask him to do more things before the baby comes and she needs him to remember that there’s always a reason.

Back at Gwen’s epic Lair of Thievery, she and Gunn chat and I’m distracted by the fact that wardrobe apparently gave Gunn a shirt with some sort of copyrighted text that they had to blur. A friend of mine wore a “Dick’s Sporting Goods” shirt under a jumper in her interview for the senior video and neither us noticed that you could only see the word DICK in giant letters and given the knowledge I was working with at the time, my only solution (short of cutting her from the video) was to spend a week moving a little white circle around frame-by-frame. Good times.

K: a) WTF is a senior video, and b) this is why school uniforms are an excellent idea. 

Lor: a) It’s pretty self explanatory seeing as how it’s called a senior video, girl, but it’s a video yearbook made by a senior class. and b) INDIVIDUALITY FOREVER.

Sweeney: Yup. I was a high school a/v nerd, so that was my thing. AS WAS INDIVIDUALITY FOREVER. Fuck uniforms.

My trip down memory lane lasted just long enough to get to the part where Gwen explains the task. After her last job the people she attacked retaliated by kidnapping the child of the guy who hired her. She now has to save this girl and needs Gunn’s help. There’s no real answer for why she actually needs his help, just a lot of inflating of his ego, which suggests that gullibility is the actual reason she needed Gunn, in particular.

The people with the girl don’t know about Gwen’s powers, which is helpful. Gunn is super stoked to get a break from the “turgid supernatural soap opera” to go help someone. I feel you, bro. I’m glad to watch this break from the turgid supernatural soap opera in favor of some actual day saving.

K: TRUE DAT *fist bump*

Sweeney: It gets even better because the plan isn’t so much B&E as, “Get dressed up and 007 our way into a fancy party.” It’s the world saver’s version of another effin’ dance, and truly, they could use a few more of these in their version of Los Angeles. They go through metal detectors, which apparently aren’t an issue for Gwen’s magic powers. Unfortunately, they hand their invitation over and it sets off alarms.

After a Not Break we learn that her magic electronic invitation has been altered. She assures them (honestly) that she was struck by lightning. She whispers to Gunn that she’s not leaving without the girl and starts to pull her glove off. Gunn saves the day by magically knowing Japanese. Yes, Gunn — who grew up orphaned, living in some sort of tragic Lost Boys collective of vampire hunters — somehow found the time to learn Japanese.

Oh, JK. He learned how to say, “Hello.” (K: From watching kung fu movies, nonetheless!) Fine, fine. Whatever. Gunn’s using his limited Japanese to charm the host and pulls the busy-guy-can’t-remember-everyone-he-talks-to routine, insisting that they met at a zoo benefit last year. He also happens to have a tiger trinket in his jacket pocket which he stole from Gwen because he read that the guy likes Tigers. Whatever, Powers That Be Contriving, whatever.

Brooding Hotel. Fred and Wesley are trying to research but aren’t getting very far because Fred is too busy being grossed out by the Connor/Cordelia thing. They are this year’s OTTP, after all. (K: Fred, girl, we’d lend you some brain bleach, but we’re almost out and that shit is expensive.) Wesley uses this to awkwardly justify his relationship with Lilah, saying that you start to look other places when you’re alienated from the people you care about. I still have no positive feelings for Fred/Wesley, but this time it’s Fred that I hate, as she brats that Wesley hated Lilah. LILAH IS DEAD, GIRL. JFC.

Lor: They are both pretty self-involved, Wesley with his, “you can’t possibly know what it’s like to be ALONE” (hello? HELL DIMENSION.) and Fred with her judging looks and bratty remarks about a dead girl. Stupid couple is stupid.

Sweeney: Kidnapping Gala. Gwen and Gunn spot the little girl they’re after, standing there awkwardly in a circle of armed guards. Gunn says she seems fine, out in the open, but Gwen insists that the girl is a prisoner.

Brooding Hotel, Deluxe Brooding Suite. Angel’s getting his research on (alone, real skulky-like) and invited Cordevelia in. She’s still wearing this stupid outfit. It’s official: the entire production team hated Charisma Carpenter for getting pregnant. It’s the only way to explain not only this insane character-murder storyline but the fact that she’s spending an entire episode in this monstrosity. You only do this to people you loathe.

Cordevilia says that Angel’s super hearing/smell are creepy, but he suggests that she’s kind of lead creeper-outer right now. They switch to Big Bad talk, with Angel revealing his concern with Beastmaster’s big plans. Cordelia declares herself to be the Beastmaster, going on to say that she stole Angel’s soul with the combination and hunted Lilah from under the Fang Gang’s noses — all as a means of suggesting to Angel that his thinking is absurd. Throw them off with the truth. I’d call it clever, but the fact that nobody even suspects you of evil in that outfit means that you don’t get any cleverness points for deceiving this band of morons.

Cordevlia asks of Angel means that Beastmaster is diabolical and is visibly distressed when he says that no, this person is a self-important asshole who is bound to fuck up soon for lack of a real plan. (K: LOLOLOLOL. You sassy bastard, Angel.) (L: This was my favorite. I think a little Angelus did Angel good.) Cordevilia’s seething as Angel says that when Beastmaster fucks up, he’s dead.

Kidnapping Gala. Rich people, with their radically different view of the world, feel that the recent apocalyptic happenings in Los Angeles are wonderful. As Gunn is laughing that maybe “wonderful” is not the word, Gwen comes to inform him that the little girl they’re there to rescue is going to be ritually murdered that night, because every rich person on this show is either a friendly criminal (Gwen) or has a ritual murder in their past/present/future. Gwen doesn’t jump to “ritual” but that’s my theory. Actually my theory is that this is all bullshit and a trap, but in case Gwen’s telling the truth, then it’s a ritual murder.

As confirmation for my “Gwen’s full of shit” theory, Gunn’s supposed to go grab the girl alone, and Gwen’s just going to create the big epic distraction. Sure enough, as soon as he grabs the girl, Gwen tips off a nearby security guard. Gunn hides the girl in an empty room, but learns that it’s not empty when he gets hit on the back of his head. After a Not Break he gets up and fights a bunch of dudes. They patiently wait for him to talk about how good he is at fighting. He’s clearly being played, but the slow-mo cameraman feels bad for him and lets him have his BAMFy moment where he takes out the last guy and then stops to adjust  his tie. (He’s got this colorful little tie and vest going on and I dig it, if only because menswear can be so boring sometimes. Snaps for you, Gunn, for looking snazzy while you get taken for a fool!)

Gunn tells the little girl that he’s there to take her home, but she informs him that she is home and her rich dad’s going to be PISSED when he finds out she tried to kidnap her.

K: Sad trombone. You should have checked the episode title, Gunn. Then you’d know that Gwen’s playing you.

Lor: I think the writers hate Gunn too. Maybe the writers hate their lives.

Sweeney: Probably that.

He confronts Gwen as she’s breaking into a safe, apparently knowing exactly where to go. Gwen needed Gunn because Angel wouldn’t have cleared the body-heat seeking scanners they went through on the way in. She says that she wasn’t completely lying about Lisa — LISA is actually an acronym for this fancy gadget she’s there to steal, though she’s not sure for whom. Gunn’s pissed that he took time out from the apocalypse, but since Gwen has his fucking number and can manipulate him as easy breathing, she goes straight to pointing out that if he was actually needed, the Fang Gang would call. What actually sells him on sticking around is the knowledge that he’ll get to keep the suit. It’s a nice suit.

Hyperion. Angel’s been recreating from memory a page from a book Angelus had on the Beastmaster. (Angel/Art!) Just as he’s done and handing it to Wesley for translation, Cordevilia saunters in. She’s slowly tipping a coffee cup to destroy the page, but stops short when Wesley finishes the sentence and reveals that the language requires specificity down to the serif. Angel resolves to keep trying.

Free Suit Gala. Gwen finally finishes opening the combination safe, only to find another inside. It’s electric, though, so she fries it and grabs LISA. Unfortunately, without Gunn providing that diversion, the henchmen have clued in and are standing there as soon as these two turn around.

Hyperion. Angel’s still trying, to no avail. Just as he’s about to storm off in frustration, Lorne enternounces that he’s got good news. He found out nothing on the baby or Beastmaster, BUT he got a fancy ritual to perform so that he can get back to full empathic power by sunrise. Cordevilia smiles nervously.

Lor: Shifty behavior, 101. Gwen should’ve given Cordy some lessons.

Sweeney: Sticky Fingers Gala. The tiger-statue-loving Big Boss tells Gwen to drop LISA and Gunn’s inclined to back that play, given that the henchmen now have fire power. Gwen panics and says she can’t leave without it. She insists that it’s hers and freaks out, doubling over and electrocuting Big Boss and the henchmen.

After a Not Break, Gunn tackles her low enough to avoid electrocution. (K: Because that’s totally how electricity works. Okay, show. Whatever.) He helps her up and also fills the slow members of the audience in on the fact that Gwen’s stealing the gadget for herself because she thinks it’ll fix her.

Later, Lorne is in his dark secluded basement room to get his solitary ritual on. As he lights some candles we pan up to see Cordevilia watching with a knife.

Lair of Theivery. Gunn returns the pilfered tiger. Gwen rightly points out how good Gunn felt doing the day-saving, even if he was misled. She goes on to suggest that the gang did a number on him, convincing him that he’s just the muscle. He says he stays because he’s a fighter and likes being a part of something. Gwen has similar enjoyment of theft — she’s a freak either way, but being a freak who steals shit makes her part of something. Not quite the same thing, honey. She says that while the gadget might not make her normal, it might make her normal enough to do stuff like hold hands.

They go into her bedroom and pulls her dress down before laying on her stomach. Gunn takes LISA out of the box and lays it on Gwen’s back. He gets lightly shocked when he grazes her skin. Little arms pop out of LISA and dig into Gwen’s skin before doing weird techy stuff. This thing has The Initiative written all over it and I inherently dislike it. The Buffyverse’s track record with technology makes me squirmish. Regardless, Gunn is able to lay his hand on Gwen’s back without a shock. Naturally, the scene gets really seductive. Gunn gives more audience clarification, noting that if Gwen couldn’t touch people, she’s never ~*touched people*~ and implied sexytimes commence.

 

K: Ugh. I’m kind of tempted to call bullshit on Gwen going from not being able to touch Anyone Ever to immediately having sexytimes with Gunn. But it WAS made clear that LISA is a prototype and could stop working at any moment, so…get it while you can? Summary: IDK how to feel about this turn of events.

Lor: It isn’t Connor and Cordy! (That’s how I feel about this turn of events.)

Sweeney: Empath Restoration Ritual. Lorne’s doing more candle-powder-ritual-magic. He picks up his book and because this episode decided to do something right, it’s filled with music notes instead of words. He sings a spooky a capella song as Cordevilia stalks down to him, knife in hand.

Just as she gets close, the lights turn on and Angel appears. Before she decides what move to make, Wesley and Gunn also show up, each with a weapon in hand. Lorne pulls out a Magic 8 Ball, asking if Cordelia’s been a bad girl. “Definitely.” End credits.

The 8 Ball was a step too far, but otherwise that was a neat little reveal. As we’ve said before, this season has ventured so far into absurdity that I wasn’t questioning the epic cliche magic, though I was aware of it. That kind of stuff works when the turn around is quick like that. Unlike, for example, the dream sequence episode where it just gave me a general, “Fuck you,” feeling.

Lor: I LOLd (in the bad way) about the 8-ball. It was just so Angel, and whether you love it or hate it, this is what Angel does. It doesn’t cut out on the nearly silent scene of Fred, Angel, Wesley and Lorne staring down at Cordy, giving us the satisfying, “A-HA! THEY DID KNOW!” moment. Lorne whips out an 8-ball under a lace hanky. LOL. Right, okay show.

Sweeney: SO TRUE. This show is an overeager kid on the verge of coolness, consistently blowing it by trying to hard.

This episode suffered from some of the usual heavy-handedness, and it was no Faith + Willow episode, but I enjoyed most of it! The concurrent plots didn’t feel distracting. I enjoyed the fancy party and watching Gunn get to be useful. I enjoyed Angel taunting Cordevilia even before we got to the end and we confirmed that he probably knew what he was doing — another example of how this twist worked: it ultimately serves to enhance that sentiment.

I think that, above all else, I’m just so glad that we’re done with the Cordevilia secret. FINALLY.

K: Pretty much exactly. OR ARE WE?

Sweeney: STOP IT.

Next time: The Fang Gang learn a little more about what’s making Cordelia evil in Angel S04 E17 – Inside Out.