Previously: Andrew assumed the role of the audience until it was time to confront the truth of his own story. It was pretty amazing.
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Lies My Parents Told Me
Lorraine: New York City in 1977. We follow the pouring rain down to the street where Spike and Nikki are fighting and exchanging quips. Behind a nearby bench, baby!Wood watches the fight. Spike has Nikki in a headlock, and baby!Wood startles and knocks over a trashcan. Spike is distracted enough that Nikki is able to break out and continue the fight. She pulls out a stake and throws it at Spike, but he catches it mid-air and says he’s spent a long time tracking Nikki down, and he doesn’t want the fight to end so quickly. With one last compliment to her coat, he takes off.
Baby!Wood calls out to his mom. She tells him he did a great job staying low, just like she asked. I call bullshit on Spike not smelling/hearing/seeing the kid, but okay. Good job, baby!Wood. He wants to go home but Nikki explains that it isn’t safe there anymore and she’s going to drop him off at her Watcher’s house. He pouts, but Nikki reminds him that the mission is what’s important. She loves him, but she’s got a job to do. They walk off, but baby!Wood stops and runs back to grab the the stake that Spike dropped before leaving.
Kirsti: So Nikki’s a BAMF, which we already knew, but I’m not convinced that taking her preschooler out on patrol with her was a great idea…
Sweeney: This scene is pretty heavy with the “Nikki valued ‘the mission’ more than motherhood” element, so I think questioning her parental judgment is part of the intention here.
Lor: Plus, we don’t actually know that she was out on patrol. Seems more like Spike sneak attacked to me.
Nikki calls out, “Robin?” and that transitions us to present day where full-grown-Wood (immature teehee), stake in hand, is fighting a vampire. Spike and Buffy are with him, also fighting their own vampires. Spike kills his vampire first and Buffy calls out to him and nods toward Wood who needs some help. Spike hesitates long enough that Wood gets thrown into a bunch of trash cans. Spike does kill the vampire shortly after, though, and then gives Wood a friendly tip: Stake’s your friend. Don’t be afraid to use it. Spike can kind of tell Wood is giving him, “OMFG I HATE YOU” eyes and is all, “…what?” Wood shakes his head and after Spike walks away, he mutters that he’s just waiting for his moment. He’s gripping his stake so hard, his hand starts to bleed.
Wolf howl.
K: Apparently Spike doesn’t have that mystical vampire super smelling power that Angel and Connor have.
Lor: Or the constant smell of peroxide has messed with it.
Sunnydale High School 2.0. Wood is looking out his window, his hand bandage from that one time (you know, like a minute ago) he tried to strangle a stake. Buffy walks into his office and reports that things are as normal as they ever are at Sunnydale High, once again making light of an exploding student. There is a man sitting behind Buffy. Seriously, there is some person in the shot who is not supposed to be there. Sloppy, sloppy.
Wood says that Buffy may have just successfully stopped “this thing” but Buffy is less convinced. It was too easy. Any apocalypse that doesn’t end in death is too easy. Wood is impressed by Buffy and even says that she reminds him of his mother. Not usually a thing you want to tell the ladies, but Buffy recognizes and accepts the compliment. She says maybe everything is fine.
Giles rushes into the office saying everything is terrible.
K: Bless you, Giles, for your librarian concern. Even if it DOES give me a terrible flashback to I Robot, You Jane…
Sweeney: We have a new commenter poking around S1 posts and they just professed their love for that episode. It was a strange reading experience because my hate factor for late season Buffy is so high that I was all, “WHY YES, EXCELLENT ARGUMENT. A FINE EPISODE.” #ruinedforlife (It’s still not at all an excellent episode.)
Lor: Principal Wood introduces himself. Giles has heard about his freelance demon fighting work, and is happy to have him on their side, since they are running low on allies. Giles comes with the bad news that the First is still gathering forces. War is inevitable. Giles says they can go before the school board, but now he’s talking about the library again. He’s offering to bring his back-up library from home. Principal Wood smirks and Giles insists that you need books to learn.
K: Giles would be horrified to learn that I didn’t set foot in the library once during my Masters in librarianship. Electronic journal articles FTW, yo.
Lor: Buffy changes the subject and asks if he brought back any Potentials. Giles explains that his trip was actually about Spike and the fact that Buffy decided to take out his chip. Wood asks what the chip is and as Buffy and Giles try to explain the difference between the soul, the chip and the trigger and who gave Spike all of those things. Principal Wood’s face looks like mine when I’m trying to understand this freakin’ character.
Sweeney: This was my favorite scene. Confession: Lor said this episode robbed her of her will to live (to be fair, this is hardly the first time a Buffy episode has done that) so I decided that I should watch/comment while very, very drunk. That out of the way, I laughed forever at this beautiful scene which summarized the sloppiest character creation ever.
Lor: Giles says he brought something back that will help them disarm the trigger. Buffy already knows that it’s the song that triggers Spike, though she doesn’t remember the song. The fact that she’s all, “NBD” about this whole thing irritates me. The First is still out there. Spike can be triggered. This is a problem. But no, Buffy’s all, “yeah, I don’t remember the song. Whatevs.”
Sweeney: NBD. I KNEW THIS SONG WAS CAUSING HIM TO KILL PEOPLE, BUT IT’S NOT LIKE I COULD ACTUALLY BE BOTHERED TO REMEMBER IT OR ANYTHING.
K: Truth. The fact that they’ve been ignoring this for as long as they have really pisses me off. Meanwhile, I’m distracted by Giles’ epic judgey face when Buffy says that the song is “Boring, old and English. Just like you-L Brynner. Yul Brynner.” Which is a totally legitimate reaction, because Yul Brynner was Russian…
Lor: Cut to the Summers Basement. Xander is chaining Spike up, complaining that the chains weren’t up when he needed them. Spike’s all, “huh?” and Xander drops it. Thank you, Xander for your single contribution to today’s episode: a sex joke.
Spike asks what Wood is doing there and he deadpans that he thought Spike might need support. That all out of the way, it’s time to get the show on the road. Giles explains that there is something in Spike’s subconscious the First is using to cause a violent reaction. Giles has something called the Prokaryote stone which will go into his brain and help them identify the trigger’s power. Then, it’s up to Spike to break that hold.
In order to get the stone into Spike’s head, Willow chants some magic words. The stone liquifies, into a small amount of Alex Mac Goo, which means we get to watch it CRAWL INSIDE SPIKE’S EYE AND INTO HIS HEAD.
K: I HATE EVERYTHING. GODDAMMIT, SHOW. On the plus side, Giles makes a sassy joke about Spike not having much in the way of a brain, so that kind of makes up for the eyeball trauma…
Lor: Spike’s all, “OW!” and Buffy’s all, “OH NOS SPIKEY WIKEY!” and rushes over to help him. He’s soon thrown into his first memory.
Sweeney: More forever and ever LOLZ because Spike’s, “FOR FUCK’S SAKE,” reaction is the reaction of every snark lady realizing she’s got a Spike-heavy episode in these last two seasons. GLAD IT’S NOT MEEEEEE!
Lor: Thaaaaanks, Sweeney. (Though to be fair, if it was not me, I’d be glad it was not me.)
William (you know, souled Spike) (wait. Pre-vamped souled Spiked) is standing in a Victorian parlor, reading a bit of poetry to an older, sickly looking woman. The woman, William’s mother, is very proud of his poetry and knows just who this Cecily whom he speaks of is. Momma wants William to marry, though he assures her that he already has a woman in his life and will take care of her forever. She falls into a coughing fit and coughs up blood. Once it’s passed, Momma asks William to sit with her for a while, so he does. She takes up her needlework and starts to sing Early One Morning.
In the memory, Spike’s eyes glow yellow which transitions us back to the present, where Spike is vamping out. He growls and grabs Buffy by the throat and throws her across the basement. He struggles against his chains, tosses his cot at Dawn and growls some more before finally, the Alex Mac Goo drips out of his eyes, and falls to the floor, stone once again. Wood glares at him all, “Yep. I’mma kill him.”
Sweeney: You wish, bro. The Powers That Be Contriving have never had anyone’s back like his.
Lor: After the Not Break, Giles, Wood and Buffy are the only ones left in the basement. They stand back as Spike asks them to take the chains off. He says that the stone’s out which means he’s all de-triggered. Giles asks about the song and he identifies it as Early One Morning. He says that it was his mom’s favorite song and she used to sing it to him when he was a baby. Giles is all, ”…and?” but Spike insists there is no and. Spike asks Buffy if maybe she shouldn’t check in on Dawn. Buffy: She’ll be OK. She’s tough.
Dawn > Spike.
K: Excuse you. Dawn >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Spike. (Hahahahahahahaha, remember the early days when I would have said the exact opposite??? Yeah, let’s not go back there.)
Sweeney: I love you.
Lor: Upstairs, Dawn is being not so tough about her wound, and we thank her kindly for her single contribution to this episode. Rona wants to know why Buffy’s been taking Spike the sleeper agent for granted and letting him train with them. Anya: Don’t waste your time down that road. Spike’s got some sort of “Get Out of Jail Free” card that doesn’t apply to the rest of us. I mean, he could slaughter a hundred frat boys, and— Forgiveness makes us human. blah-dee-blah-blah-blah.
Sweeney: I love Anya too.
Lor: Andrew tells Willow that she’s got a call from LA (!) from somebody named Fred (!!).
K: Hello, Crossover Magic. How we’ve missed you.
Sweeney: “Guy sounds kind of effeminate.” I just wanted something else to say besides SQUEE!
Lor: Back down in the basement, Giles is still trying to get Spike to tell them what it is about his mother. Buffy wants to unchain him because of course, but Giles says that they can’t. He isn’t cooperating and the trigger is still as active as ever. Spike rattles his chains and looks down at his hand. A woman’s hand, clad in black lace grabs him. He looks up to see DRUSILLA! I didn’t catch Juliet Landau’s name in the guest starring credits! This was a neat surprise.
In this memory, Drusilla and William dance in the same house we saw earlier. Dru compliments William on the house that smells of daffodils and viscera. William tells her not to get attached because they won’t be sticking around for long. She wants to give it a proper goodbye and they start making out for a bit before WilliamSpike (vampire William pre-peroxide) starts waxing poetic about all the damage they will do to the world. Just the three of them: WilliamSpike, Dru and Momma. Dru gives him the best side eye. (K: Which, LEGIT.) Because WilliamSpike is super special, see, and despite everything vampire lore has taught us, WilliamSpike still cares about his mom.
Sweeney: Drunk girl don’t give no fucks about delicacy: THIS IS THE BIGGEST PILE OF RETCON LOVE-SPIKEY-WIKEY BULLSHIT EVER. Contrivance shots!
Lor: Momma walks in now and WilliamSpike gives her the whole spiel about how he’s now a creature of the night and everything will be okay. Drusilla is in the background rubbing her belly like she’s pregnant. Or hungry. Momma is really confused so WilliamSpike hugs her, vamps out behind her back and sinks her teeth into her.
Willow comes downstairs and tells B that she’s going to have to take off for a day or two. Buffy wants to know what’s going on, but Willow says it’s nothing to worry about. Because this season is making the First both the biggest and smallest danger there ever was, Buffy figures this is as good a time as any for Willow to mysteriously disappear, so off she goes.
K: I actually found it really interesting that Willow didn’t tell Buffy that Angel was in danger. Or, more precisely, that he was Angelus again. Because there’s no doubt that if Buffy knew, she’d drop everything and hightail it to Los Angeles. Or at least the OLD Buffy would have. I’m kind of grateful that the writers didn’t make us sit through an “Welp, the love of my life is evil again, but I’mma stay here with Spike” speech.
Lor: I like finding things to be grateful for, so yes, that.
Buffy heads over to unchain Spike. Giles doesn’t interfere this time, but just asks her to think about what she’s doing. Buffy already has. And without a backward glance to spare, she and Spike take off upstairs.
She better be taking him to a secluded location to get in touch with his feels. I mean, that’s not exactly a plot point I want to sit through ever, but some plan is better than none?
Sweeney: LOL, as if the Powers That Be Contriving need an actual “plan” for Spike beyond, “existing forever and ever without rhyme or reason.”
Lor: Giles starts to head back upstairs but Wood stops him so they can share feels about the danger Spike poses. Something needs to be done. Giles says Buffy would never go for it and Wood answers that she’d listen to her Watcher. Giles is all, “LOL.” He thinks Wood must not know much about Watchers, but in fact, he was raised by one. Giles puts the names and dates all together in his head and guesses that Wood is Nikki’s son. He also knows that Spike killed his mother. Giles wants to know if all this, “SPIKE MUST GO,” has anything to do with personal vengeance. Wood says it doesn’t matter; Spike is an instrument of evil and must be dealt with before he becomes Buffy’s undoing. Giles thinks it over and then asks what Wood’s proposing. He wants Giles to keep Buffy away for a few hours.
K: I stop to snigger a little because Giles informs us that Nikki’s Watcher was named Crowley. Supernatural fans, give me your best crossover headcanon down in the comments. (rot13 pretty much everything though because REASONS.)
Lor: Cut to the cemetery, where Buffy’s out of frame voice says, “I don’t know, Giles. Is this really a primo time for a training session?” A training session? Giles got Buffy to go out on a training session? Okay. What’s more is that they’ve left Spike at Wood’s house for babysitting. Giles tells Buffy that he may not be her Watcher anymore, but the lessons he can impart to her are still very important. He wants her to look at the big picture. She thinks she is, as she’s giving out rousing speeches left and right, but that’s not all it takes to lead. I think Buffy’s been willing to take on the role of the general in this season, but she’s been less than ready. According to Giles, it’s because she has to be willing to make hard decisions. A vampire reaches his hand out of the grave and Giles says they are going to find out if that’s true, starting with the basics.
Wood is unlocking the door to his garage, a place he calls his sanctuary. He walks in, Spike behind him, saying he understands the need to let off some steam. When Wood turns on the lights, though, the walls are all lined with wooden crosses. Spike asks what the hell and Wood’s all, “hellmouth, yo.” If Spike stays away from the walls, he should be fine.
K: Okay, WHAT THE FUCK, SHOW?? Like, I get that a vampire can see a cross from a distance and not recoil. But this is a metric fuckton of crucifixes, pretty close by. Surely he should have SOME reaction? I did briefly wonder if it was a soul thing, but NO because we’ve seen Angel rear back from crucifixes a bunch of times. Is this more “Spike is a special snowflake” bullshit? Or just Whedon forgetting how to vampire again???
Lor: I have no answers for you.
Spike watches Wood start up a computer. He asks the principal what his story is. Wood claims he has no story. Just trying to make a difference. He asks Spike what kind of man he is, but Spike isn’t into the self-reflection. Wood thinks that’s fitting. He types something into the computer and removes his shirt (K: I feel the need to note that he has a singlet on underneath, he’s not suddenly half naked) (S: He’s naked except for the part where he’s not, if you will.). He opens a desk drawer that holds some crazy gauntlet-like fighting things. (Scientific term, that is.) Wood reveals that his mother was Nikki and Spike asks if this means Wood is going to kill him. No. Wood wants to kill the monster who killed his mother. He presses play on his computer and Early One Morning starts up. Spike vamps out.
After a Not Break, WilliamSpike comes home and calls out for his mother. She comes forward looking much healed. She thanks William rather insincerely, though WilliamSpike is not catching on to that. WilliamSpike asks what Momma wants and she basically answers, “to be rid of you and your terrible poetry.”
Present Day. Wood decks SleeperSpike in the face. (Spike is never just Spike. Spike is always Spike with a caveat or a crutch.) Those two fight and the scene is cut with flashbacks to the scene with Momma and WilliamSpike. Momma is going on about how cruelty is the only way to pry WilliamSpike’s fingers from her apron strings. Present: Wood hits SleeperSpike. Flashback: Momma verbally hits WilliamSpike and he winces.
Wood presses SleeperSpike into a cross-covered wall. Momma tells WilliamSpike that she prayed he’d find another woman, but he was scarcely interested in them. Momma says that WilliamSpike will always be sentimental fool. (But, like, an evil one with no soul and a questionable capacity for emotions, but you get it.)
Wood has Spike down on the floor and punches him in the face repeatedly, asking if this is what Nikki felt when he toyed with her and snapped her neck.
Cut to the cemetery. Buffy is fighting the newly risen vampire. Just as Buffy is about to stake him, Giles tells her not to. She doesn’t stake but does keep fighting as Giles lectures about making tough choices. Buffy says they went over this when she wouldn’t sacrifice Dawn to stop Glory. Giles says things are different now. Now, she would let Dawn die. Buffy: “If I had to…to save the world. Yes.”
The vampire gets up again and the fight continues. Giles says that any of them are expendable in the war, that they cannot let any threat jeopardize their victory. Buffy’s all, “OMG. I GET IT.” So Giles finally gets to the point: And yet there is Spike. Buffy apparently did not see this coming at all, and she gets knocked down by the newly risen vamp.
Sweeney: “I’D KILL MY SISTER, BUT SPIIIIIIIIKE.”
Lor: Wood takes off his arm fighting things and says that Spike never cared about anyone but himself. He takes Spike’s coat off and grabs a cross/stake off the wall. In flashback, Momma starts to take things incest-y, and I think she says something about how WilliamSpike just wants to get back inside her but I block most of that out because EW. (K: DOUBLE EW because yup, that’s pretty much exactly what she says.)
Momma moves in for the kiss-cest, but WilliamSpike pushes her off all, “STOP. DON’T TOUCH ME THAT WAY.” (That was seriously the phrase they taught us in my kindergarten class for if anyone ever touched you a way that made you uncomfortable. #earlychildhoodmemories) Momma is pissed she got rejected and starts waving a cane around at Spike. He breaks the cane and and apologizes to his momma. In the present Wood’s all, “come again?” and Spike says he’s sorry. In the flashback, Spike stakes his mother. She gets a slow dust even though she’s a baby-vamp, because it gives her a chance to shed her vamp grill and look at WilliamSpike with lots of feelings.
Back in the present again, Spike grabs Wood’s hand just before he’s staked. Spike kicks Wood away. Wood says “sorry” doesn’t mean a thing, but Spike wasn’t talking to him anyways. Back in his normal face, and not any worse for the beating he just took, Spike fights Wood back now. Spike, sporting that shiny and new soul, says he doesn’t give a piss about Wood’s mother, because she was a Slayer and he was a vampire and murder is whatever and souls aren’t tied to guilt or anything. “She knew what she was signing up for,” Spike says, missing the entire part where Slayers don’t sign up at all, but okay. (K: I just…GAAAAAAAAH.) (S: Bonus points for ignoring that detail just on the heels of the misogynistic choice-robbing bullshit that was the Slayer origin story revealed in E15.) Spike is easily deflecting Wood and getting good punches in of his own. Wood accuses him of robbing him of his childhood and Spike’s response is basically that Nikki never loved him.
Spike grabs Wood and flings his across the garage and into a wall. Wood is down for the count. Spike goes on that all Slayers are the same in that they fight alone. Nikki didn’t love Robin enough to quit the Slayer life (not really how it works either…) Spike then tells the story of how he loved his mother so much, he sired her. He claims that the difference between them two is that Spike’s mother loved him back. Spike knows now that his mother, his non-vamped mother, loved him with all her heart. Spike walks over to the computer and plays the song, but this time it has no effect on him. He thanks Wood for his hand in curing him. He is no longer under the influence of the First, and makes sure Wood knows that before he sinks his teeth into Wood’s neck.
After a Not Break, Giles is still going on about what a liability Spike is, and Buffy rehashes all the same shit about Spike being a totes amazing warrior and also having a soul now, so all arguments are invalid. After all this, Buffy finally cottons on to Giles stalling her. She stakes the newly risen vamp and takes off running.
Spike is leaving Principal Wood’s garage, PUTTING ON NIKKI’S COAT. Dear, sweet Lord. (S: YUP, SPIKE’S STILL AN ASSHOLE.) He’s leaving when Buffy arrives and asks what happened. Spike opens the door to the garage and motions to Wood who is sitting down, slumped against the wall. Spike: I gave him a pass. Let him live. On account of the fact I killed his mother. But that’s all he gets. He even so much as looks at me funny again, I’ll kill him. Buffy sighs the deep sigh of, “I hate when my boy toys make death threats,” and heads into the garage.
K: Buffy’s facial expression and mine are very similar, but for very different reasons.
Lor: Buffy tells Wood about losing her mother, which I guess is some emotional leverage when she says that she understands what Wood tried to do. But she’s got a war brewing and she doesn’t have time for his personal vendettas, especially against a man that no longer exists.
“Spike is the strongest warrior we have. We are gonna need him if we’re gonna come out of this thing alive. You try anything again, he’ll kill you. More importantly, I’ll let him. I have a mission to win this war, to save the world. I don’t have time for vendettas. The mission is what matters.”
Cool.
Chez Summers. Giles sees Buffy and starts to explain, but Buffy cuts him off with the news that Spike is alive. Giles says this doesn’t change anything and that she needs to learn… Buffy cuts him off again and says he’s taught her everything she needs to know. She closes the door in his face.
I did not like this episode. I’m pretty sure I’ve previously heard amazing things about it, which doesn’t surprise me because it’s a Spike episode, and one that paints him in a highly sympathetic light, even as he’s freshly vamped! To be fair to the acting and writing, those things weren’t bad. I didn’t like how the story developed though, and the saddest part about this Spike-centric episode is that I’m leaving it feeling about the same about Spike, but disliking Buffy and Giles all the more. (S: YUP. Buffy, in particular.)
I can’t even with this ending. Wood is taking out his revenge at the very wrong time and on the wrong person, to a certain extent. I mean, the entire deal with the souled-vampire is that they feel the weight of all the bad things they’ve done and that is, in itself, a consequence for those actions. Here, though, it seems that the story favors Spike over Wood, which I just can’t understand. Wood’s childhood trauma? Fuck you, get over it. Spike’s childhood trauma? So many flashbacks dedicated to figuring out that his momma loved him.
K: I was just thinking before that if the episode had also been peppered with flashbacks of Wood and Nikki, it would have come across completely differently. If it was all “these two characters both lost their mothers who loved them, and in both cases, Spike was responsible,” it might have worked. If it was Spike breaking down in contrition because he has a soul now, it might have worked. If Wood had realised that by seeking revenge, he was becoming as bad as his mother’s murderer, it might have worked. Instead, what we get is the character whose entire season has been about redemption being the schoolyard bully, and telling the kid on whom he’s already inflicted never ending childhood trauma that his mother didn’t love him and that he’ll kill him if he tries to fight back. And our titular heroine – who is herself a Slayer who (effectively) became a parent far too young – doesn’t step in to break things up or to tell them to put the ruler and their dicks away. No, she sides with the bully. Because he has a soul now. TL;DR? I hate all the things.
Sweeney: That’s a consistent problem with his story. (Rare that “consistent” can be used in a sentence describing Spike’s story.) It’s always told in a manner that says, “Look, we know Spike did bad things,” but let’s never forget how much you’re meant to love him! To be sure you don’t forget that, let’s gloss over everyone he hurts all the time always.
Lor: Exactly. We could’ve done without Spike belittling Wood and his mother, and using the Slayer-lore to do it. It’s kind of laughable that Spike would stand there and say Slayers never have anyone because Spike is alive, all these seasons later, because Buffy has let him be and won’t let him go.
All Spike’s mommy issues really do a lot to explain him– from the way he almost idolizes whatever woman is in his life to the hyper-masculinity. So, good job, bro. You wear your mommy issues well.
As far as Giles goes, I just don’t know. He shouldn’t have gone behind Buffy’s back. Buffy should’ve listened to what he was saying more. These two aren’t working together. We can trace it back to Giles leaving her to grow up and then coming back and not knowing how to deal with her making her own decisions. The truth is, though, that to lead, you have to be able to work with the people beneath you. Buffy is barking out orders, giving speeches, and demanding a lot from her people, but she isn’t listening to them and she isn’t working with them. Giles tried to talk to her. The Potentials are uncomfortable with Spike around. We can assume her friends are concerned as well, but she’s shutting them all out. How do you work with that? Giles’ way was not the best way, but I don’t know what would’ve been.
Sweeney: YES. This season has repeatedly tried to set up larger scale versions of similar tropes. Buffy vs. The World Including The Gang isn’t new, but it’s a lot less sympathetic this time around. It’s maddening to see her continue to shut everyone out and go the unilateral decision-making route in season fucking seven. Seven years. Seven years the core group has fought by her side and she gives no fucks about their input and that’s exasperating.
Lor: It hurts my heart to see Buffy choose Spike. These last few episodes have not been kind to Buffy, have not painted her in a positive light, and it hurts my heart to see that too.
Now, finally, Spike is a vampire with no chip, no trigger and a soul. And the first thing he does is threaten to murder someone, so that’s cool.
Next time: Buffy leads the Potentials in a fight against a new baddy and Giles doesn’t thing it’s a good idea in Buffy the Vampire Slayer S07 E18 – Dirty Girls.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
