Firefly S01 E14 – Such Badass

Previously: The gang rescued Julie Cooper’s brothel, but not Julie Cooper. Inara decided that she has too many feeeelings and must leave Serenity.
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Objects in Space

Sweeney: FIRST THINGS FIRST: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARA. Apparently her co-workers are not showering her with candy and permission to not do anything today, which is stupid, so everyone else should shower her with internet high fives and the like.

The episode begins with somber music and a zoomy tour through the inter-workings of Firefly. It’s giving me all sorts of “THIS IS THE LAST EPISODE! WHY?” feelings. The zoomy tour ends on River’s face waking up. She goes out into the hall where she hears Simon and Kaylee laughing as he tells her a story of a med school streaking prank. As Kaylee asks what song he was singing he looks up at River and says, “I would be there right now,” coldly, before resuming the laughter, making me think (hope?) this is more a River fear (/intuiton) than a thing that actually happened.

River keeps walking and comes upon Jayne and Book in the kitchen. Jayne is dumbfounded by Book’s celibate life. Book jokes about Jayne becoming a pastor and the crazy returns. Jayne’s laughing, “Yeah, that’ll be the day!” quickly turns to, “I got stupid and the money was too good,” in the same cold, dead voice that River heard Simon in. Book chimes in, “I don’t give half a hump if you’re innocent or not, so where does that put you?” in a voice that’s downright sinister. Please tell me this is either some weird crazy magic or River projecting her fears? I don’t like evil!Book.

Once again, the conversation resumes normalcy and laughter, leaving River to keep wandering. She spots Zoe and Wash sexytimes in the bridge and feels faint watching them, so she moves along before they can say anything batshit. She comes upon Mal and Inara discussing her leaving and how Mal has been discreet about it. Inara looks at River, ready for her turn: “I’m a big girl, just tell me.” Mal responds, “None of it means a damn thing.”

River feels woozy and hears what I assume is an amplified version of the blood rushing in her head. Or wind. Maybe wind.

Lorraine: My closed captioning seems to think it’s ocean waves crashing. River didn’t hear anything from Wash and Zoe. Just that blood wind water rushing thing.

Sweeney: She runs downstairs to the cargo bay and steps on a branch and then sees leaves all over the place. Wind, then? She picks up the branch and says it’s just an object.

Suddenly, there’s noise again and everyone is surrounding her, trying to get her to put it down. Instead of a branch, it’s a gun. Mal gets it out of her hands and tells Simon it’s a recipe for disaster, asking if she understands. River answers: “She understands. She doesn’t comprehend.” She runs off to her room, crying out that it’s very crowded in there. Mal chastises Simon for not taking better care of her, because they are very much alone out there.

Cut to just outside the ship where another ship is quickly approaching them. A little less alone! Probably not a good thing. But at least: YOU CAN’T TAKE THE SKY FROM MEEEE.

Lor: That opening. I don’t really have deep thoughts on what it all means, but it’s kind of overwhelming to consider if this is the way River always perceives the world– either in between realities, or else so deeply tuned into to everyone around her, that she was “wandering” the ship while physically going after a gun.

Sweeney: Absolutely terrifying and overwhelming, especially because how do you even explain something like that to other people – that this is the world you live in?

After the credits we see the ship is being piloted by a man trying to track down River. Mega womp.

In the bridge, Wash and Zoe are discussing River’s increasing crazy.

Sara: Yeah, I think I’ll vote for the soup thing, too! As long as she doesn’t shave off our eyebrows or anything…

Sweeney: Just as Wash spots something on radar, Mal and Jayne join them, with Mal telling Jayne to keep a better eye on his shit because the gun River had belongs to him. Jayne tries to change the subject to the fact that he didn’t make her crazy and didn’t even want her on the ship. “Is that the direction you want to take this conversation?” Mal asks, reminding Jayne of his betrayal, and he backs down.

Mal has her on lock down right now, but Zoe doesn’t think that’s necessary. Jayne does, since she once came at him with a butcher knife. Wash relishes the memory. Zoe says that River wouldn’t harm them and probably hasn’t picked up a gun before this. That’s Kaylee’s cue to enter-nounce that yes, she has.

The scary black man lurks outside the ship, come to take your little sister. (L: HIDE YO KIDS, HIDE YO WIFE.) (S: 1430 to you both.) He floats down from his ship to Serenity. This scene is really drawn out so that we all have time to see what a scary MF he is.

In the kitchen, everyone has gathered, except for River, as Kaylee shares the story of the time River shot and killed three men with her eyes closed. Kaylee says that River just did the math and she’s sure that neither Jayne nor Mal could have done what River just did. No person could, either. As Simon comes to River’s defense, we pan down to River standing on the railing to get closer to the ceiling to listen in.

Kaylee goes on to explain that it scared the shit out of her that River just looked at her and smiled, like it was a game. Book reminds Kaylee that River saved her life in that instance and Simon offers that River probably just thought it was a game. Jayne points out how totally not comforting that fact is.

Sara: Gotta agree with Jayne. I’d rather people not think that shooting and killing people is a game, thanks.

Sweeney: Especially not people that you live with in a confined, isolated space with.

Mal gets them back to the larger River picture, saying her name a bunch of times so that Scary Black Man can hear it with his weird listening-through-ship-walls contraption. Mal points out that River just knows things. Wash teases a gullible Jayne about River being a witch. Simon can’t really say whether River’s psychic. Wash says it sounds like something out of science fiction. “We live in a space ship, dear,” answers Zoe. LOL. A+, girl.

Lor: I love how, “HA HA HA. SUPERNATURAL” this all is because Whedon. It all feels self-referential.

Sweeney: Absolutely self-referential in that way that Whedon does so well.

Zoe and Mal speculate that The Alliance could have a ton of uses for a psychic or an assassin. A psychic assassin. Simon says that River’s just a kid and all she wants to do is be a kid. Not really an option here. With that, Mal’s decided that they should all just go to bed and brood about it because he’s not making a decision yet.

In the halls, Kaylee tries to catch up with Simon who sasses that he has to go check on his assassin. He sighs and says he’s not mad at her, but he’s sad for River because she loves the ship and it’s the most at home she’s ever felt. He talks about how the hospital felt like home. “I would be there right now,” he says. Womp. Premonitions it is. Kaylee wants to know if there’s anything about the ship – like, say, a super cute female mechanic – that he’s appreciative of. Music swells and there’s a long drawn out lead up to a kiss that is interrupted by Book, saying goodnight. The mood broken, they awkwardly go their separate ways.

Guitars of feelings are playing as Mal turns out the kitchen light and heads off to bed himself.

The silence and darkness are interrupted by ominous music and Scary Black Man climbing down into the ship. Please give him a name, show. I’m still holding out hope that he’s not really Alliance and the show is just fucking with us and Scary Black Man is actually totally not scary. You know, except for all of his being a giant creep and the B&E thing.

He closes the door behind him and climbs down the ladder only to find himself face to face with Mal. They fight and Scary Black Man drops Mal down into another room and locks the doors. Then he punches some numbers on a panel to lock all the crew doors. Locking people in rooms definite confirmation of being scary.

Kaylee’s down in the engine room and she hears a noise. She thinks it’s River at first, but it turns out to be Scary Black Man and he knows Kaylee’s name. He says that he likes the ship and smarms that he blows the mind to me a stranger out there. Kaylee asks what he wants, and so he moves on to talking about how the engine could be destroyed by removing any of a thousand parts. Then, in a completely inappropriate non sequitur he asks, “Have you ever been raped?” Jesus. Kaylee chokes up, and he says the captain and the whole crew are locked up and unable to help her. He makes her say it – that nobody can help her – before saying that he’s going to tie her up. He’s going to get rid of a problem she’s having and not touch her in any wrong way unless she fucks up his plans, in which case, rape is fair game. “Ain’t nothing but a body to me, and I can find all unseemly manner of use for it.” I can’t handle the things that I am watching on my screen right now. He asks where River sleeps.

Lor: I wanted to finish off my Bed Intruder joke (“cause they raping everybody out here!”) but it’s just such an effecting scene, it didn’t really feel right. I mean, I guess I just did it, but I don’t feel good about it.

Sara: I feel gross and sad.

Sweeney: As do I.

In the halls, Book is returning to his room from washing up before bed. He hears the clanking noises and turns to investigate, only to get kicked in the face by Rapey Black Man. Shirtless Simon gets up and goes to investigate the noise. He checks on River, but her bed is empty. Rapey Black Man rather literally drops in on Simon and tells him to sit down. Simon would rather die standing, but RBM doesn’t want him to die, though the warrant has no particular requirement that he be alive. Simon asks if this man is Alliance, though he hears “a lion” and it’s kind of funny. Not enough that I’m still not shaking from the part where he threatened to rape Kaylee a few minutes ago, but enough to make me giggle.

RBM asks where River is, but Simon doesn’t know. RBM says his name is “Early” and while I’m willing to accept this, I refuse to drop “Rapey” from his name. Rapey Early is a bounty hunter and came to collect River to get all the monies. He has been tracking them since Ariel. Rapey Early wants to know if River sleeps with anyone in the crew and Simon adamantly big brothers, “NO.” Rapey Early tries to threaten Simon, but he won’t have his last act in the ‘verse be betraying his sister. RE switches tactics, suggesting that Simon will want to be with him, hoping to seek out an opportunity to get the better of him. Then he reiterates his Kaylee Rape Threat, promising that she’ll die weeping. I CAN’T. GUYS. WHY IS THIS THE NOTE WE’RE ENDING ON? I CAN’T FUCKING DEAL WITH THIS.

Simon puts a shirt on, which is for the best because everything is too gross right now. He comes upon unconscious Book and demands to know what part of Rapey Early’s plan involved knocking out a shepherd, but Rapey Early says Book ain’t no shepherd. I’m really bummed that we don’t get to learn his whole backstory.

Lor: Now these are some comics I’d actually read. Probably.

Sweeney: Maybe.

In the medical bay, Simon explains that River hates that room due to the terrible things that were done to her by the people Rapey Early plans to sell her to. Simon, did you not just hear that this man is a fucking psychopath? I don’t think he gives any shits about a teenage girl being tortured. Rapey Early thinks that Simon should get shot or stabbed so that he can understand the pain of his patients. This man likes to make casual offhanded statements about destroying things. Like a psychopath.

In the cargo bay, Simon half-heartedly calls out to River, telling her that the nice man wants to kidnap her. RE shushes Simon so he can give a stupid speech about openness and also say the title, “Objects in Space,” but I refuse to give the star to this asshole. NONE FOR YOU, DOUCHE CANOE.

Sara: HA. Take that, Rapey Early Asshole. 

Sweeney: Simon thinks he sees his moment, but None For Rapey Early points his gun at him without looking and says it’s not his moment.

They continue their creepy tour of the ship and end up in Inara’s Sexy Shuttle. She tells him that this is pointless because in the year she’s been on Serenity – a smuggling ship – she still couldn’t name all the places River might hide. Rapey Early tells her that he’s not going to bother with threatening her but he is going to seal her in. Inara tries to talk him out of it and he backhands her, making her gorgeous face bleed. On his way out he adds, “Man is stronger by far than woman, but only woman can make a child. Does that seem right to you?” You know, because for all his repeated threats of violent rape and murder, he was missing a few good misogynistic one-liners.

Our douche nozzle body snatcher no longer has time for this shit and so he takes Simon up to the bridge and announces to the whole ship that he knows River is on board and she needs to show herself or else Simon’s brains will be blown to bits.

Rivers voice comes out over an intercom. “You’re wrong about River. She’s not on the ship. They didn’t want her here, but she couldn’t make herself leave so she melted, melted away. They didn’t know she could do that, but she did.” We see everyone else slowly waking up as River asserts that she’s not on the ship, but in it. She is the ship. Simon asks who they’re talking to and River says they’re talking to Serenity, who is very unhappy with Early right now.

Sara: So creepy. So cool. River is badass.

Sweeney:

Engine Room. River talks to Kaylee, who is panicky and apologizes to River for telling this fuck face where she is. River promises that she’s fine, but needs Kaylee’s help. She needs Kaylee to be brave and find something sharp.

Bridge. Apparently that was just for Kaylee, because Rapey Early asks Simon where River went. “I can’t keep track of her when she’s not incorporeally possessing a spaceship.“ Rapey Early says she’s somewhere on the boat playing games with the coms. Or, you know, the other ship sitting out there. River laughs and says his full name, Jubal Early, asking to call him Jubal. River says that his mother calls him Jubal, or did at least. Jubal recovers quickly and says he’s not phased by this. River begins talking about what a giant fucking creep he is, taking her new position as the ship to note that he, “crawled inside [her] univinted.” You know, like a rapist.

Jubal tries to get Simon to help him out, with limited luck. River laughs and he says they’re all crazy. Simon says that his sister’s a ship so their childhood was complicated.

Lor: Man, I love Simon. This is not the first time we’ve seen him be sassy in the face of danger. He may not be the bravest or strongest, but he’s got this irreverant streak that, for all he says about his previous life, makes him fit right in with this crew.

Sweeney: He was probably always a bit irreverent, though his fitting in speaks to experiences as much as anything. One of the fantastic things that this show does with flashbacks and backstory is show us how much their respective histories brought them to where they are now. Go back any number of years and most of them couldn’t have possibly be where they are now. That point as it pertains to Simon is quite nicely addressed in this episode.

Jubal reminds them that he has a gun pointed to Simon’s head and asks if anybody cares. River does, but then she goes MIA again.

Mal is finally coming to (though he heard the conversation earlier, so either the timeline’s a wee bit wonky or he was really slow in getting up) and River says she needs to ask him for a favor and she doesn’t have time to answer his questions. He asks if he’s dreaming and she says they all are and tells him not to make faces. It’s cute.

We get a shot of Kaylee, no longer tied up, going off to do her favor.

Bridge. Rapey Jubal is trying to figure out how the ship works. We see Kaylee sneak up to the panel from before and unlock the rooms.

Zoe’s promising to kick this guy’s ass, and Wash notes that his face surely isn’t wearing armor. River tells them no guns, though.

Mal asks how she knows it’s going to work, and she promises that she does because she’s very close to him. She tells Mal it’s go-time.

Bridge. As everyone goes about their tasks, River gets into Jubal’s head, telling him that hurting people isn’t just part of the job – he took the job because of the hurting people. As she references his past he finally realizes that she’s on his ship. BOOM! TV points!

Lor: The zoomy camera work and crazy faces Rapey Jubal makes reminds me a lot of a similar technique used for Glory.

Sweeney: Anyway, River laughs a bit and tells him to put the gun down. He does, eventually, and even concedes that he’s fucked up. With that, River assures him that she’ll be going with him because she’s dangerous like him and can’t be trusted. Everyone’s lives will be simpler without her. She promises to be his bounty, and as he’s going off to get her, Simon attacks Jubal, who grabs his gun and shoots him in the leg. River screams.

After a Not Break, Jubal tells Simon that’s what it feels like and walks off. Simon jumps him, though. Jayne hears the commotion, checks his cabinet-o-guns…and then rolls over and goes back to sleep. Early gets the better of Simon and climbs out of the ship, pausing to gloat about his success, buying Mal the time to knock him out into his George-Clooney-in-Gravity space death.

River floats down and asks Mal for permission to come aboard. He teases her that she’s not quite right and she says it’s the popular theory. Mal says he’ll give her brother a thrashing for messing up her plan. It’s all so adorable AND THERE ARE ONLY THREE MINUTES OF EPISODE LEFT.

Sara: River smiles are my favorite kind of smiles. It transforms her whole face. I love it.

Sweeney: Simon’s leg is being operated on with the assistance of Zoe, who would rather put bullets in people. Wash eagerly offers to mop her brow because he has the brow mop. More precious, precious things.

Mal and Inara stand at the door. “And we live to fight another day,” Mal says. EXCEPT NOT. EXCEPT YOU CAN’T FIGHT CANCELLATION. Mal notices Inara’s lip and they have ~*a moment*~ but she cuts it off and runs off.

The camera man follows her and stops at Book spotting for Jayne as he lifts weights before continuing on to Kaylee and River laughing and playing jacks. River says, “I can win this.” Kaylee says it’s a lot of talk and she should show her what she’s got.

Out in space, Jubal Early floats around. “Well. Here I am.” I’m annoyed that you’re still breathing, to be honest, but we can’t always get what we want.

As further proof: end credits. Series complete.

It wasn’t a perfect end, but I want to re-watch that last twenty minutes on repeat. Everything from the moment River “became the ship” was fantastic. It was an ingenious little plan on her part, save for the part where even genius psychic assassins are guilty of underestimating just how dear they are to their loved ones. For anyone watching, of course Simon was going to try to attack the guy. But it all worked out well enough so mission: success.

I complained a lot about how despicable this villain was and I should say that while it was terrible to watch – terrible enough that I don’t know if I’ll be able to sit through parts of it again because of how fucking gross it was – I should clarify that this was mostly a kind of gross what was appropriately handled in that it was meant to make your skin crawl. I don’t want you to misinterpret my rage as show rage, which I also often feel. This sick, twisted villain is acknowledged as sick and twisted and a villain. We’re supposed to hate this asshole and, you know, that mission was also successful.

Dearly as I loved those final scenes, it’s really upsetting that this is the last episode. There is still the movie, which we are covering like a finale (for any of you long-time readers wondering why there was no hand-off, or if you’re really all up on our internal rules, why the Snow went first.) And while everyone is promising me that I’m going to ugly cry, I’m glad it got that, because aside from how wonderful this show is and how much it sucks that it was cancelled, this just doesn’t feel complete and I hate that. I’m glad it’s getting that much deserved opportunity.

Lor: Even though we still have that movie, I started this episode with a lot of feelings. There is something about this series ending prematurely that endears it to me more. I remember that when I finished it for the first time, I didn’t love it. That true, deep love came in retrospect, when I realized how in such a short time these characters and stories had made such a lasting impressing, and then with rewatching. Turning on an episode of Firefly is like visiting a part of my family. My distant, space traveling family, but you get the point. 

This episode was written and directed by Joss, and I’ve seen it quoted that if forced to pick a single episode to represent his body of work, he’d pick this one. He discusses this in episode commentary but the episode, thus, has a lot of his own life philosophy (what’s the word again?) imbued into it. It’s an exploration of existentialism, in the same vein of Angel’s “if nothing we do matters…” An object is just an object.

Early was super gross, but I think he was meant to act as dark foil to River. Here also is an outsider, in tune with those on the ship, dangerous and not entirely right. You look at him, though, and in contrast you welcome River with open arms.

Sara: I have to say that I felt the same as Lor after finishing the series the first time. I really liked it, but I didn’t realize how much it meant to me until I thought back on it and watched it again while paying attention to the details. There’s so much about this show that it’s almost difficult to take it in with one watch (or unless you’re recapping it, I suppose). The things that happen in the background were the most interesting to me this time around: the facial expressions each character portrayed perfectly, the slight ways certain characters were touching each other, River’s faces when no one is looking. 

In some ways, I’m glad the show only got one season, if only because I think that might be a huge reason that it’s so perfect. Every episode was everyone’s favorite, and that might not have been the case if it had been extended into a second season. (Of course, if by the grace of god, they ever do decide to do a second season, you KNOW I’m there.) 

I love this crazy little space family, even the characters who made a lot of mistakes, because they felt like such real people to me. It’s sometimes hard for shows / movies / books to differentiate character’s voices and actions, and in a lot of shows, this is left up to the actor playing the part. But Joss & Co. wrote these characters with completely different voices, and that added to the fact that the entire cast knew their characters inside and out, made these some of the best characters I’ve ever seen in my long, long career of TV watching.

 

Next time: The series started with Serenity and finishes with the feature length movie, Serenity! There will probably be tears.