Previously: The Liars were surprised to find that when they followed the evidence trail Garrett wanted followed and handed the resulting anklet over to the police it ultimately proved his innocence.
—
Crazy
Sweeney: The previouslies give us a major Mona update, including the usually-wrong Liars assuring Aria that Mona’s totally locked up for good. That combined with the episode title has me keeping my fingers crossed that our favorite lunatic rejoins the outside world, just to keep the non-plot interesting.
Sara: Mona totally is my favorite lunatic. And there are a lot of lunatics in Traumaland, so saying Mona is my favorite actually counts for a lot.
Lorraine: Something tells me we should open this up to a vote at the end of the year in the Traumaland Awards. Our lunatics should definitely know where they stand.
Sweeney: Absolutely! That’ll be a tight race, too.
Hanna’s on the phone with her mom doing the typical teenage, “Ugh, I’m fine,” routine. Detective Forever Inappropriate Wilden knocks at her back door saying that he can’t talk to her without a guardian present. This doesn’t explain his smarmy, creeperific decision to show up at her back door. He’s there to have her brought down for a blood sample and to completely disregard the idea that he can’t talk to her without a guardian by explaining that they need this blood sample because of the anklet having O- blood, which is Hanna’s blood type. Mine too. I KILLED ALI, GUYS.
Sara: You should really get a medal for that.
Sweeney: SHHHHH.
The next day in Rosewood, Hanna is freaking out to the other girls, but Aria does as you’d expect and Aria shrugs it off because she’s got a whole 48 hours until her mom comes back and it’s not like it can be hers – how would someone steal your blood anyway? Hanna reminds Aria that we kicked this season off with Emily’s Lost (Until Needed To Service The Plot) Night. There’s also two seasons worth of examples of A doing far more insidious stuff than a blood draw – from giving Em steroids to hitting Hanna with a car. Hanna walks off because this is apparently before school, but Hanna’s the only one who is actually going to school? I want to know how clocks work in Rosewood.
Lor:
Sweeney: The other three enter Rosewood’s One Coffee Shop and overhear a blonde at the register say that a really good lie is better than the truth, a total Ali-ism, spoken in Ali’s voice, as Sasha Pieterse’s name pops up on the screen. Blonde Girl turns around and is not Ali because were only three minutes into 3×07 – way too early for a major development in the long-running Maybe Ali’s Not Really Dead sub-plot.
Not!Ali asks the girls why they’re staring and Aria explains that this chick sounds like their friend Ali. Not!Ali is named CeCe and she knew Ali and also knows all about the PLLs because Ali talked about them. Ali talked about the girls to a whole lot of people she never mentioned to them, apparently. CeCe is confused that Ali never mentioned her because she dated Jason and their summertime friendship was a super big deal to her. She’s gotta actually go to work and do her job (weird!) at the boutique across the street, but tells them to pop in and visit her there and also maybe shoplift. Aria bad friends that shoplifting is Hanna’s thing. I often have casual conversations about shoplifting with people I’ve just met. Bonus points for selling out a friend’s criminal behavior to a perfect stranger! This is why Aria’s the worst.
Sara: SRSLY. Everyone falls all over themselves to hide her stupid pedophile relationship secret, but girlfriend can’t help but offer up incriminating information about her bffs? Screw you, Aria.
Sweeney: After CeCe leaves the girls spaz about how much this girl reminds them of Ali, though Spencer postulates that it might be more that Ali was like CeCe. Any older sibling will assure that this is how age works. Younger people are always more like older ones. Middle children have to navigate those waters delicately.
Rosewood When We Feel Like It High School. Piper Mom is unzipping a garment bag and I notice that she’s rocking the same tortoiseshell Michael Kors watch I own! I got excited and then sad because we have an established rule around here that anytime you identify with the adults on teenager shows, it’s a sign that you are old. Or getting old. Just getting old. Whatever. It’s a cute watch. (Lor: Also, you are getting old.)
Aria comes into this plot vehicle draped in classroom trappings with some mail for Piper Mom. She asks about the dress and it’s for a date that Piper Mom has with a guy from the dating site Aria signed her up for. They banter adorably about the dress choice. “Why am I asking you – you wear forks as earrings?” (S: A+) The worst part of Aria’s stupid fashion choices is that I can totally see my 15 or 16 year old self getting on board with some of this stuff. If the idea to fashion old forks into earrings had crossed my stupid little mind, I might have done it. (L: Aren’t you suddenly glad you are in mom-watch stage and not Aria-fork-earring stage?) (S: TRUE.) Anyway, this cute mother/daughter scene is cut off by the Scene Ending Bell.
Outside & Decidedly Not In Class, Spencer is checking an old yearbook for CeCe and adding files to her Veronica Mars-esque computer file on Ali. She’s interrupted by Toby, who says he’s sick of leaving her messages. He presses for an answer on the weird Borrow My Boyfriend plot from the last episode. Spencer confesses the truth about going with Jason and finding that anklet. She insists that she knows Garrett is guilty and Toby reminds her of Loud & Wrong Syndrome’s origin story. They may be dating, but Spencer shouting unfounded murder accusations is still a sore spot for Toby. Scene Ending Bell lets Spencer run off to a class.
Lor: Yeah, that’s a really creepy start to a relationship. “Hey, honey, remember when you thought I was a murderer? LOL. GOOD TIMES.”
Sweeney: #memories
Rosewood’s One Coffee Shop. Emily’s outside cleaning tables when Nate shows up to ask her to smell a candle that he bought for Jenna. He didn’t bring a present to her birthday party and they have a date that night. Jenna told him that she and Emily are good friends and also that she knew Maya because Maya drove her home from school a few times. After dropping that random information, he leaves.
Marin Manor. Hanna and Aria find a creepy Ouija board left on Hanna’s kitchen counter. The A is circled in red and the other letters are scratched out. Hanna goes to pick up the little eye thing and pricks her finger so she’s bleeding. Aria turns it over and finds a note on the bottom that says, “See how easy it is for me to get your blood?” Hanna freaks out and Aria keeps asking Hanna what this is. It’s a weird question that makes Aria seem really stupid because it’s clearly a Ouija board / message from A. (S: I THOUGHT THE SAME THING.) Hanna does have a story about it, though. The thing she pricked her finger on is the thing she left in Ali’s casket, because she played it with Mona before Ali’s body was found.
Flashback time! Pre-crazy Mona is explaining that she used the Ouija board over the summer to contact a ghost. She keeps pushing even though Hanna’s not interested, insisting on asking the spirits what happened to Alison. It spells out, “Alive,” and then in a lightning flash, Hanna sees Ali on her porch for a hot second.
Sara: I’m choosing to think that Mona was totally crazy at this point and just screwing with Hanna. Unless we really believe that Mona truly does love Hanna? But I kind of find that hard to believe, since she tried to murder her with a car and all.
Lor: Yeah, fuck you, if your version of love is throwing a car at me. I don’t care what you think you felt towards me. Keep your love and your vehicles to yourself.
Sweeney: YUP.
In the present, Aria says that MonA probably hired someone to stand out there and scare her. Aria asks if anyone else knows this story and Hanna says she has no way of knowing who else Mona told and she can’t go ask because Mona’s not allowed visitors and she’s at the top of the Not Allowed list. Aria volunteers to go which doesn’t really solve the initial problem of Mona supposedly not being allowed visitors. A potted plant outside crashes and Hanna says she’ll be sleeping at Aria’s that night.
Jason’s going for a toooootally not pervy run by the high school and Spencer sees him because she’s still not attending actual classes. Jason’s upset that his latest effort dragged things out rather than ending them but now he’s done. Spencer awkwardly brings up CeCe and Jason says that everything with CeCe is intense. When asked if it ended on a bad note he says that you could say that and then resumes running.
Sara: Jason’s scenes are always the weirdest. It’s like he’s busy doing shit, then remembers that he has a few lines to say, runs over, delivers them quickly, and then heads out again without waiting to finish the scene.
Lor: EVERY TIME. I bet he’s the sort of person that doesn’t say goodbye before hanging up the phone.
Sweeney: Terrible Employee Boutique. CeCe is helping Emily and Nate pick out a present but sends Nate off to get something so that they can chat about why Emily hates whoever he’s buying that present for. CeCe continues to be privy to oddly personal information when she, “Oohs that Emily is a lesbian who had a giant crush on Ali.” CeCe says that if Emily really hates Jenna, she should do Nate a favor and tell him. Nate calls her back over and continues to suggest jewelry, including a pair of earrings like some Maya had, though Emily says she bought them for Maya a week before she disappeared, which makes it nonsensical that he would know that. He suggests that he’d rather be dating Emily, and the awkward silence is interrupted by CeCe, complimenting his taste.
Rosewood’s One Coffee Shop. Piper Mom chats with the owner about the delicious pastries. She asks if Emily’s around because she doesn’t want to have a first date in front of her. Coffee Boss teases her about first dates and the odds that her internet date is a convict. Just then he arrives and it’s Ashley Marin’s Pastor Ted! Awkward. Flirty Barista eyes their uncomfortable handshake and Ted’s equally uncomfortable, “Yeah let’s be not here.”
Lor: Pastor Ted is getting around! Either that or hiring another speaking extra was too difficult.
Sweeney: Psych Ward. Aria’s at the desk and finds that Mona’s visitor status has conveniently just been changed, although Aria has to leave anything sharp at the desk, including her earrings. She’s ushered in by a nurse who insists that Mona’s visits need to be supervised. Mona suggests that they play a game and the dramatic murdery music swells.
Sara: Mona even looks fabulous in a mental institution. I am jealous.
Sweeney: Outside Rosewood’s One Coffee Shop, Hanna tells Spencer that she hasn’t heard from Aria yet and spots Jason getting out of the car with Ali’s dad. Spencer suggests that she stop taking everything Wilden says as fact and just talk to Ali’s dad herself, but Hanna’s not down with that plan.
Inside, Emily’s sitting with Nate, trying to explain why Jenna’s evil. Dating Garrett the pedophile and possible Maya-murderer is really the only thing she has to offer. Nate assumes that Emily was just warning him not to press the issue of Garrett, because, you know, that doesn’t prove any sort of evil. He thanks Emily and leaves.
Park Bench. Possibly the same one where the girls first randomly had flyers blow around their feet forever ago? Piper Mom is still on her date with Pastor Ted and she’s clearly not that into it because she’s thinking about that hot young barista.
Hanna works up the courage to talk to Ali’s dad who is played by the same actor as Connor’s memory wipe father from the S4 finale of Angel. Weird. She says that she wanted to write him a letter to apologize for what she did. Is this something I am supposed to know? Did this happen on the show or is it more conveniently withheld backstory? I have no idea what they’re referring to here. Ali’s dad cuts her off and says that a friend would never do this thing I don’t know about. He thought it was a childish prank but now she’s older and evil. Something like that. In another time and place you’re raising Connor, though, so…
Psych Ward. Tons of time has apparently passed and Mona’s building a really impressive house of cards. Aria tries to push for info for Hanna and Mona gets her nurse to go get her medicine, giving Aria about 25 seconds to spill. Aria says that if their friendship was really real then Mona owes it to Hanna to tell who is really doing this to them now. Nurse comes back with the meds, calling visiting hours, and Mona says it wasn’t her and to tell Hanna she’s sorry. Welp. That was a giant waste of time.
Lor: We’re talking about 23/25 episodes of any given PLL season, right?
Sweeney: Outside, Aria finds Hanna waiting for her and shares the nothing and the apology that she got out of Mona. Hanna knows that the nurses change shifts in twenty minutes so she’s resolved to sneak in because she’s positive Mona knows something. Aria decides that friends don’t let friends sneak into Insane Asylums alone . (They just out you as a criminal to someone they just met 30 seconds ago.)
Downtown. Emily’s walking by CeCe’s work as she’s locking up. CeCe’s creepy knowledge includes their coffee preference apparently. (S: Ali must have been a really boring person to have to talk this much about other people. JFC.) Emily finds this funny instead of terrifying. CeCe is a fucking creep, guys. After everything these girls have been through, a stranger shows up and knows all your fucking business and you find it endearing? What is wrong with these morons? Whatever.
CeCe asks about the Nate/Jenna situation and Emily says she talked to him but it was useless. CeCe asks to give Emily her number for no apparent reason but Em’s all, “Yeah, sure.” Instead, CeCe pulls up Jenna’s number, then calls it on her phone and pulls a major Ali/Regina George move, telling Jenna she’ll scratch her eyes out (hitting where it hurts!) if she ever sees her near Nate again. Emily explains that Jenna used to be blind and CeCe’s womp-that’s-awkward half laugh is priceless. I still think she’s creepy, but it’s a kind of creepy I’m glad to have around. (S: WORD.)
Lor: I mean, yes, but if it turns out that this bitch is A or working with A or any variation of A, this is going to be SO STUPID BECAUSE SHE’S OUTING HERSELF AS A CREEPY STALKER RIGHT NOW.
Sweeney: She’s clearly outing herself right now and the stupidity is all on the girls. These girls are morons for not being suspicious.
Rosewood’s One Coffee Shop. Piper Mom pops back in to see if Emily’s there so she can track down Aria. Coffee Boss says Emily just left and asks about her date. She confesses that it bombed which gives him an opening to get his flirt on. He offers up some tasty pastries and suggest she stay to eat them because he owns the place and can keep it open as long as he’d like.
Psych Ward. Hanna breaks into Mona’s room and Mona acts like this is perfectly normal. Hanna tells her she ain’t got time for that because Mona’s the only person who knows about why Ali’s dad hates her. Glad it’s not just me who is clueless then. Conveniently Withheld Plot Information it is, then! Hanna demands to know who else knows. Aria comes in before she can answer, so we can explain the thing that made Ali’s dad hate her. We get a pointless flashback with Hanna, Mona, Ali’s angry dad, and New Jason, but back in Mona’s room, Hanna explains that after the Ouija board thing she called Ali’s mom to say that Ali was still alive – three days before they found the body.
During that conversation, Mona snuck out and maybe stole Aria’s keys?
Out on the streets, Spencer spots a car driving like a lunatic. Said driver is Jason, though. He crashes and she pulls over to see if he’s drunk and tries to help him. He says that maybe he’ll get locked up with Garrett. This kind of reminds me of…a spoiler for another Traumaland show. Man, covering this many things concurrently has it’s drawbacks. Spencer really truly takes one for the team, telling him to scoot over so she can drive off like this never happened… leaving her abandoned vehicle behind with the lights still on? OK.
Psych Ward. The girls wander around and find the Children’s Ward unlocked. They also spot the tweezers Mona stole from Hanna.
Hastings House. Toby’s there waiting for Spencer in her living room, which is weird. She asks him to drive her back to her car because she had to drive Jason home. He starts to demand answers from her but there’s a knock at the door. It’s the cops (Detective Wilden is always on duty to harass a teenage girl or two!) who found Spencer’s car near the scene of an accident with the door wide open. Toby quickly jumps in and lies for her, saying that they’ve been home all night since he picked her up right after work. He teases her for not locking her doors. Wilden shows himself out.
Spencer confesses to Toby that she had to save Jason from drunk driving consequences because of reasons. Toby freaks out because he just lied to the cops and the last thing he wants is more cop drama in his life. Spencer begs him not to tell anyone.
Children’s Ward. It’s dark and creepy as fuck. All the creepy crib cages are abandoned. They find Mona brushing doll hair. “Ms. Aria, you’re a killer, not Ezra’s wife,” she says a few times until Hanna snatches the doll. She grabs another one. “Maya’s away sleeping sweet, until Garrett’s all rosy, count on me.” They hear someone calling out for her and Hanna begs one more time for Mona to tell them something useful. “No one to save Ali from evil. No one to save Ali from evil.” They hide and Mona’s ushered out. She looks directly at their hiding spot as she tells the nurses that she missed her dolls.
Sara: NGL, I loved this whole stupid creepy scene. Mona is the best at this. And the reference to the PLLs being her dolls is just perfect.
Sweeney: Mother/daughter phone time. Piper Mom confesses that she might be on a second date. She’s decided that Pastor Ted was the “right choice” that she would have made at 19. Who is this person who makes the right romantic choices at 19? Or, perhaps, was “should” the word she was looking for in order to not find herself now going through a divorce? Regardless, this gives Aria an opportunity to remind us of her 32-year-old soul as she tells her mother that she grew up and is now going to bed. They hang up.
Sara: Afterwards, when Hanna asks what’s up, and Aria replies, “My mom’s a slut. Night,” it was one of those moments where I really, really loved Aria.
Lor: It helps to remember the beginning of this episode, and her outing Hanna’s criminal activity. Insta-anti-love.
Sweeney: She rests, but Hanna’s got one of those creepy dolls by the bed, which would be a majorly prohibitive factor in any attempt at sleep for me.
Emily walks by Rosewood’s One Restaurant and sees Nate sitting alone with his gift, looking very sad.
Montgomery Manse. Hanna has an epiphany. The flashback before wasn’t actually pointless. Mona introduces Hanna to a code which is basically using mnemonic devices to gossip about people in front of them. She was just pushing the memory for the sake of reminding Hanna that this is a thing they did. Sure. Whatever. The girls all gather in Emily’s room as Hanna works through everything Mona said.
No one to save Ali from evil. NOT SAFE. Where were we, Maya’s away sleeping sweet, until Garrett’s all rosy, count on me.” Spencer quickly deduces that’s a website – www.massugar.com – but there’s a password. Neither Hanna nor Aria realizes that they skipped a phrase – the one about Aria – which spells out MAYA KNEW.
This episode was fun! It felt like stuff happened. It was our usual limited information reveal, but the puzzle stuff and legitimately unsettling bit in the hospital made this move a lot faster than the usual nothing. Plus, new person! I’m sure she’s evil because the girls trust her, but hopefully she’s fun evil.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
