Pretty Little Liars S03 E10 – Trouble in Pedodise

Previously: CeCe took some of the Liars to a party where they invented a game called “Truth” and probably sabotaged Spencer’s college application. Aria discovered that Pedzra has a younger brother and got a girl pregnant back when she was probably in the fourth grade.
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What Lies Beneath

Sweeney: Ashley Marin ordered a plant but it’s too big and she’s trying to move it out of the way, asking for Hanna’s help and she teenagers that it’s fine where it is. The Great Contrivance Spirit whisks Ashley away to answer her phone, leaving Hanna to move some small plants out of the way and magically discover an old note from Maya to Emily.

The other Liars all come over so that Hanna can read them the message. Maya’s phone was stolen and she had something that she needed Emily to see. The note asks Emily to meet Maya somewhere, but weather and the fact that the episode just started eroded that part of the note. Just that part. Em’s 100% sure the note is from Maya. The girls are pretty sure it’s the evidence that Garrett is Ali’s killer and that’s why she got killed. Aria looks more closely at the note and guess what wasn’t magically washed away? The date. Maya wrote it the day she died. Maybe it was all that note-writing that got her killed.

Lorraine: Or made her boring. Got her killed or made her boring.

Sara: Also, isn’t it kind of strange that she would date the note? Or maybe she was just expecting to be murdered later, so she was planning ahead.

Sweeney: SHHHHH.

Pedo Pad. Ezra wakes up to find that his infant girlfriend brought him bagels, though he makes a face at her selection because UGH, can’t infant girlfriends get anything right? Aria’s being cold and comes out with the why pretty quickly: she wants to know how much money Mama Fitzgerald must have given Ezra’s Baby Mama to make her disappear. If Aria was in the 4th grade when this child was born, she should probably now be babysitting Pedzra’s child. Fun fact. Anyway, Ezra pulls a Troy, telling Aria that he didn’t want share all his skeletons right away, but Aria points out how major league bullshit that is in this context, given that this pedolationship has been going on for over a year and Aria already found out about his ex-fiancee (more stuff to chew on when considering how much life Ezra lived before Aria because he’s a grown ass man) (no seriously, he conceived a child with one woman and got engaged to another around the time Aria was getting her first period) and that would have been an A-OK time to drop this bombshell. Aria says The Jenna Thing is completely different and Ezra makes a petulant face. Trouble in pedodise!

Lor: On the one hand, I want you to stop putting these age things in perspective. On the other hand, I feel that has to be the self-inflicted punishment for watching this.

Additionally, Aria is so frustrated she shoves a bagel into the toaster before leaving. NUH-UH ARIA. ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT PEDOPARTMENT FIRES.

Sweeney: Rosewood’s One Coffee Shop. Hanna is combing through Maya’s site trying to figure out the mysterious meeting spot. Emily thinks it’s a waste of time but also has a job to do. Her leaving frees the eyeline for Dr. Pedophile, MD to notice Hanna sitting there. He wants to know when she’s going to go visit her mentally unstable teenage friend again so that they can get sexy coffee first. He says he hasn’t thought about much else besides Hanna kissing him, because he’s a fucking pervert. But it’s AWESOME because Hanna’s all, “Yeah, that can’t happen again because you’re a doctor and also a grown ass man and somebody needs to tell the men of Rosewood that they can’t date high school girls.” I made up that last part. It’s actually about Spencer and Caleb. Dr. Pedophile tries to argue around those explanations but gives up and says she can find him if she changes her mind.

High School For Brooding About Dead Exes. Spencer sees Emily sitting at a table alone, reading the Maya note some more. She asks how many times she’s read it. A fuck ton. Roughly. Spencer mentions Emily and Maya’s lake spot, offering to go with her to look around for clues. Toby, meanwhile, is out of town for a job thing and Spencer’s grateful because if he’s not there then she’s not lying. This latest A is making her lose her shit because it’s so bad that she can’t even keep her grades up. Emily tells her she’ll be fine and that a B is far from failing. “B is for bad.” I love Spencer. I wasn’t nearly as hardcore as she was, but I definitely lost my shit over the two B’s I got in high school. (L: I cried over both my first B and my first detention.) (S: Yep, definitely cried over my first B and then decided I didn’t give a shit about grades anymore. That B BROKE ME.)

Spencer excuses herself when Paige shows up. She and Em chat about a relay spot and then she leaves too, so Emily can brood some more.

Feelsy music swells as we go from Emily’s brooding to Aria’s brooding and eventually to Piper Mom having an adorable date with the coffee shop owner at a desk in her classroom. He brought her some Prosecco, too, but she wants to actually do her job or some stuff and doesn’t do that. (S: Weird.) She does, however, kiss him just in time for Aria to walk in and for everyone to have an awkward moment until Coffee Shop Zach excuses himself, calling Piper Mom “babe” and making Aria uncomfortable. Aria gets kind of judgey about Piper Mom dating a younger guy and I want to slap her for it. THEY’RE BOTH ADULTS. LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND, BUT UNLIKE YOU.

Lor: The writers are trolling us. I’m sure of it. IT HAS TO BE.

Sweeney: Marin Manor. Emily comes back to see Hanna going through photos that she printed out from Maya’s site, because you can see certain details better. Maya’s confused by Hanna’s dedication to the mystery of her girlfriend, so Hanna explains that Caleb knows about A. Emily looks at the pictures and realizes that some of the last pictures posted were taken at Noel Kahn’s cabin. They call Spencer to convey this information. She’s at school. Why are Emily and Hanna not at school when everyone else appears to be there? Have any of this show’s writers ever seen a high school?

Lor: If they have, it was probably only to troll for a date.

Sweeney: Clearly.

Spencer corners Noel Kahn, saying that she knows he lied to her at the party. Maya was clearly more than a random party guest. Noel says they had a “texting relationship” wherein he hooked her up with weed. Spencer wants to know where that fell in relation to the larger story of he and Jenna sneaking around. Noel Kahn smarms that it’s “kinda hot knowing you think I’m capable of murder.” EW.

Rosewood’s One Coffee Shop. Emily is at work and Nate pops in to tell Emily that The Owl Kings are back together and he wants her to go with him. He spots Jenna and Noel flirting in a corner and sadpandas, but Emily assures him he dodged a bullet. After Nate leaves he decides to go talk to her, telling her that he still has a gift for her that he never got to give her since she blew him off. Nate. Stop. Even if I wasn’t already convinced that you were a creep, this would seal that deal. Jenna tells him she doesn’t want his gift and he corners her, finally leaving after she tells him to get out of her way. Emily shoots Spencer a text saying that Noel is headed to practice and opportunity is knocking.

Sara: In case we didn’t have enough reminders that every guy in Rosewood is a creepy creep who creeps.

Sweeney: Piper Mom flags down Aria asking if she’s ready to walk home, because she has to go ASAP in order to make her coffee date. Piper Mom reveals that she has many suitors, and Aria is heartened by the idea that Zach might not be super serious. Then Aria gets judgey about Piper Mom’s many dates and I again want to slap her. Aria asks about not wanting to add someone else to the equation and that is a line of child-watching-parent-date discomfort that I can at least sympathize with. The fact that she doesn’t see how little room she has to judge her mother’s dating pretty solidly confirms her status as a child, though.

Coffee Shop. Paige comes to Emily to complain that not only is she not getting the relay spot, she also can’t swim in the county meet because she got a C on a trig test. Emily consoles her by inviting her to come over for a movie and also kissing her a couple times until she has to get back to work.

High School for Snooping. Spencer confirms that Noel Kahn is at practice and then sneaks into the wide open boy’s locker room. We see her actually checking lockers to identify his, which is a nice touch. The fact that the lockers all have names helpfully taped to them is a little less believable, but whatever. Spence easily picks the lock and steals his phone. She hears people coming in and runs to hide in a corner behind a cart full of knee pads.

Noel Kahn’s Cabin. Hanna and Emily sneak through the partly open fence. There’s a strand of lights outside the cabin that have been left on. In the middle of the day. Since whenever they were there last. So wasteful, guys. The girls confirm that they are in the spot where the photo of Maya was taken and head inside. The zoomy cameraman shows us that there is a security camera there.

Boy’s Locker Room. Spencer searches Noel’s texts for one from Maya but no luck. She puts it away just in time to run into Noel and the rest of the football team coming back inside. He angrily asks if he can help her. Spencer is silent for a second and then runs away. The music is really dramatic, but this moment was funny. My emotions are confused.

Lor: It was hilarious. I was thinking, “oh shit! How will Spencer get out of this one??” And then after a beat she just runs past Noel and he stands there like, “huh?” Exactly, Noel. Exactly.

Sweeney: Confused Noel pokes through his locker and doesn’t see anything missing so he shrugs it off.

Noel Kahn’s Cabin. Emily scoffs at the beer pong wreckage and is sure Maya didn’t want to meet her there. Hanna says they’re there anyway so they might as well snoop.

Rosewood’s One Coffee Shop. Aria and Ezra are there on a work date of sorts and Zach eyes her a bit. Ezra says Aria should go say hello and she pouts a bit but finally gets up. They chat and Aria notes his Clash t-shirt, pointing out that Piper Mom actually saw them LIVE. You know, because OLD. Shut your saboteur mouth, Aria. NBD because Zach just thinks that’s cool. He also gets, as a child of divorce, how much he hated watching his mom date because he felt like none of the men she was with were good enough for her. Aria warms to that idea and then gets sad for him when he makes it clear that he’s not seeing anyone other than Piper Mom. Aria tells him that if he hurts Piper Mom she will crush his scones.

Noel Kahn’s Cabin. The girls are about to give up on finding anything useful among the Solo cups, but then! HANNA FINDS A SECRET DOOR! They go through the secret passageway to a room that clearly looks like someone was staying there. They find a duffle bag which Emily immediately recognizes as Maya’s.  Inside they find a pocket knife that says, “LJ” on it, a card Emily gave to Ali for her 14th birthday, and an unused bus ticket to San Francisco. Maya never left Rosewood. Suddenly, the door to the secret room slams shut, as do the shutters on its window. (This makes it a little less secret.)

After a Not Break, they call out to whoever is out there, asking what they want. They grab sharp objects as potential weapons and then the light flickers out.

Spencer is sitting on her bed when a noise alerts her to an email. It’s Noel telling her to stay out of his locker. It also asks if this is what she was looking for and his security camera footage. It’s dated and time stamped. She checks her files to confirm that it’s from when Maya died. Spencer calls someone to tell them this.

Streets of Rosewood. Aria and Piper Mom are leaving a yoga class. (Cute.) Aria thinks that Zach is totes the best and Piper Mom should ditch all the other guys. Piper Mom says that she will be straight with Zach but she needs to move at her own pace, especially since there were so many things she and Shitbag Montgomery didn’t know about each other when they got married.

Lor: The way realization washes over Aria’s face is hilarious. “Oh! You can not know things about someone and get married!” Sure, Aria. Sure. Whatever makes you feel better about your pedolationship.

Sara: But also, that marriage ended in divorce, so.

Sweeney: Noel Kahn’s Cabin. Emily takes the pointy thing she found and smashes through the windows. Unfortunately the shutters are locked. Hanna comes over to try to help break it open and accidentally stabs her leg in the process. Emily goes BAMF and grabs what looks like a baseball bat and smashes the shutters open. As Emily is helping Hanna out, they find red writing on a wall. “I’m saving you for later. -A”

Marin Manor. Emily wants Hanna to get to a hospital because this is a serious wound. Hanna’s not having that or Emily’s suggestion to call Caleb. Determined to do something, Emily calls someone else.

A bit later, Dr. Pedophile is finishing up stitching her up, asking again how she did this and why she didn’t go to the hospital. She insists that the knife slipped while chopping a very large carrot. He asks if she’s had dinner, which she has not, and he’s also giving her antibiotics that she shouldn’t have on an empty stomach. He opens her fridge and finds it fairly barren, but insists that he’s up for the challenge of seducing a teenage girl with these limited culinary means.

Sara: It’s super sexy trying to seduce the child who specifically told you she isn’t interested in being with you.

Sweeney: Just keep on pressuring that adolescent until you get what you want!

Emily gets back to her house and sees Nate sitting on her porch. He feels guilty for going crazy with Jenna earlier. He thinks it’s not really about her, but the fact that Maya’s gone and he feels angry and helpless. Emily continues her quest to reveal information to people she shouldn’t fucking trust, by confessing that the bag she has is Maya’s and he knows she was staying at a cabin. Nate holds up a shirt that he says she wore at a beach bonfire a few weeks ago and then cries into Emily’s shoulder. This cry-hug turns into a makeout session which lasts long enough for Paige to walk up and see. Shit. She storms off, throwing the dinner she bought away and then knocking over a trash can. (L: OH NO. NOT THE PERFECTLY GOOD TAKE-OUT!) (S: You’re going to need that when you’re crying later, girl!) Back at makeout porch, the kiss is ending and Nate says he’s wanted to kiss her for a while. Emily gets a text from Paige saying she’s not feeling well and Emily’s terrified face suggests that she has an idea of what happened.

Pedo Pad. Aria and Ezra are watching a movie but Ezra decides that he’s tired and wants to finish the movie later because he’s tired and wants to keep proving to his infant girlfriend that he can be the bigger petulant child in this relationship. Aria caves and apologizes for pushing him about his past this morning. UGH. I hate that. I hate when the person who is right apologizes. That’s not why Ezra’s upset, though. He says he found Maggie. She lives in Delaware, but he hasn’t called her yet.

Hastings House. Spencer’s sitting at her laptop staring at the security footage. She gets up to stretch but looks back just in time to see Maya arriving on a bicycle. Aria shows up just after that, asking why Noel sent her this video. Spencer thinks she’s starting to get an idea, though I’m still not clear as it seems to incriminate him. Spencer shows Aria the case notes she took from her mom – up to this point, it was believed that Maya was last seen alive with Garrett at 9pm, but she showed up at Noel’s a little after 10.

Rosewood’s One Coffee Shop. Zach is stocking things when Piper Mom strolls in. It’s weird that the door is unlocked when he’s clearly closed. That’s like the first thing you do when you’re done for the day. Maybe people who own businesses are less devoted to that philosophy than employees. Go figure. She says she was just in the area and wanted to stop by and see if he wanted to have a drink. He grabs some wine and they sit down. She says she wanted to talk to him about their status, after the conversation he had with Aria. She thought they were both seeing other people at this point, but he wasn’t. She is doubtful of the fact that someone as gorgeous and young as him is still single. He says the age difference isn’t that big of a deal (10 years) and that she’s totes amazing. He says he’s not asking her to move in or anything but would like to give this a shot. They clink glasses and make out. Cuuuute.

Marin Manor. Having fed the teenage girl, he helps her put her leg up, and gets all up in her space, trying to initiate another kiss, which Hanna’s not into. Guys. This is the most gross. Or at least potentially tied for that title. The fact that Pedzra was Aria’s teacher and in a position of authority over her lends that all sorts of nastiness, but this mid-to-late-twenties (DOCTOR) man hitting on a child is about equally as gross because she’s not having it and he’s the one pushing it. (L: Yep.)

Also worth noting that this is happening on the heels of Piper Mom’s BUT-I’M-TEN-YEARS-OLDER scene and that’s something that I actually do appreciate. It’s a majorly important message to send that women don’t uniquely have some sort of shelf life. I appreciate this show incorporating that after three seasons of pedophilia. That said, you’re talking about ten year age gaps from Ezra and Wren to any of the PLLs and that is a ten year age gap that’s a problem. I feel like the writers are trying to pretend that these things are somehow comparable (I also fear that they’re suggesting that Piper Mom and the younger man is the greater of two evils which ugh.) When one side of that ten-year gap is a child, it’s a big fucking problem. Total sidebar, but this is an interesting post on age and consent.

Girl’s Locker Room. Emily finds Paige at her locker and asks about her fluke illness. Paige bitterly says that she just got sick to her stomach rather suddenly and asks how Emily’s night was. She sits down to say that it was intense. Nate came by and he was a total mess. Emily says they talked mostly and Paige fixates on the mostly, and Emily again makes a face that makes me hope she gets it. This is interrupted when the coach blows a whistle calling them all to practice.

Sara: I’m still liking New and Improved Paige for giving Em a chance to explain before freaking the fuck out (like I would have).

Sweeney: Marin Manor. Spencer is showing Aria and Hanna the security camera footage. A few hours later (about 1am) we see Noel and still-blind!Jenna arriving. This is when their together status was in question, I suppose. IDK, but the girls comment on it.

Lor: Aria also makes this face when they start kissing, because she’s super judgey of other relationships even though hers is the grossest one that ever grossed:

They go inside the cabin and then we see Maya come out. She stands just off to the edge of the frame and stares at the door for a second before being grabbed by someone just off the frame. It couldn’t have been Noel or Jenna and Garrett was arrested at midnight, meaning all three of them are cleared of murdering Maya.

A-nonymous. A watches the news in his/her new apartment. The news talks about Garrett’s pending trial and A is hanging up his/her collection of black hoodies. K.

Lor: A changes the channel to Wheel of Fortune. Fuck the news when Wheel of Fortune is on, right?

Sara: Also, does this confirm that A is an old?

Sweeney: That or a 32-year-old soul.

Next time: Spencer has some information about Alison and Paige that Emily does not want to hear in Pretty Little Liars S01 E11 – Single Fright Female.