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Game of Thrones S04 E06 – Peter Dinklage’s Emmy Case

Previously: Rape HQ burned to the ground and there was a direwolf reunion!
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The Laws of Gods and Men

Sweeney: The whole internet seems to be making Law & Order jokes about this episode and I’m going to try super hard to not be one of them but also I’ll probably fail.

The previouslies remind us of the enemies that Tyrion made while being the best member of his family and basically Westeros. Also the part where Varys told Tyrion he was the best forever. Also a reminder of Theon’s torture, as if we could ever, ever forget that shit.

Liar liar credits on fire: King’s Landing, Dreadfort, Winterfellstillonfire, The Wall, BRAAVOS! all shiny and new, complete with an animated soldier man guarding the city, and finally, to Meereen.

Lorraine: Braavos slightly resembled a medieval game of Mousetrap. I like it already.

Sweeney: I would definitely buy that game.

After the credits, we get an extended shot of Stannis and Davos looking very stern while on a boat. Nothing actually happens, they just look really stern, and not at all like they’re excited. Probably because they don’t have their flippy floppies. They ride into Braavos under an insanely large soldier statue, which is extra fun because he was in the credits!

Inside the Iron Bank, Stannis has now advanced from Stern Standing to Stern Pacing, because he’s a super legit king and he’s been kept waiting for hours and hours. Finally, a trio of white men walk in. Our dear Democracy Diva noted this on Twitter, but why-oh-why has everyone across the Narrow Sea been brown, save for the dudes who run the Iron Bank? Weee racism! Anyway, Davos introduces Stanis to the Trio of Bankers and the banter about whether Stannis or Tommen is the One True King (OTK!) The Iron Bank is particularly invested in Tommen, what with all the money they lent the Lannisters to fight Stannis. The Iron Banker with lines (L: Mark Gatiss. The Internet exploded with Mycroft Holmes! cries. I was momentarily confused because I was thinking Elementary and not Sherlock.) goes on to say that he’s not interested in all the books about royal intrigue – they like the much plainer books on accounting better. Basically: “I like math. It’s the same in every country!” They drop the numbers on Stannis, which are basically that he has no men or ships and produces nothing. As such, Iron Bankers aren’t giving them shit. Stannis’s stern face is boiling over, but he quietly gets up to storm out.

His storming out game is interrupted by Davos, who makes a big show of his missing fingers as punishment for his role as an accomplice to theft. Davos figures losing his fingers was honest accounting because Stannis is an honest man and their best bet to get back all the money they sunk into the War of Five Kings. Also the best bet for Davos to not die. I don’t root for Stannis at all, but I do root for Davos to not die. Davos does some accounting of his own: Tywin’s old and when he kicks the bucket, he leaves behind the incest twins, known for incest and either being evil / kingslaying. No mention of Tyrion, but I suppose he’s now part of the Kingslayer Brothers. Besides them, there’s the pre-pubescent incest child. So, like, not great. Davos figures this leaves Stannis as the best candidate in Westeros. Certainly the best candidate of those four, I’ll grant. He leaves out those dementor babies. (L: They probably could’ve gotten double if they mentioned them.) Regardless, Iron Bankers seem impressed by this.



Elsewhere in Braavos, SALLADHOR SAAN! is hanging out in a brothel. Fun! (The black pirate. I was just telling my brother the other day that even though we’ve been blogging the show, watching most of these episodes twice, and typing out names and shit, I still have to Google pretty much anyone who doesn’t have lines in three consecutive episodes. That’s the minimum requirement for me to definitely remember your name.) Salladhor is telling a grand story to two prostitutes, but they cut him off at the end because they’ve heard this one before. Davos listens in at the end and joins in on the mockery, because OBVS everybody knows this pirate joke. Or, at least, like, everyone who’s a pirate or a prostitute. Davos tells Salladhor that he’s got a sweet high-paying gig for him, which Salladhor likes, except for the part where it’s taking him away from the good life with the prostitutes. Also because Davos kind of fucked him over with the wife. “You are not my friend, friend,” Salladhor says. But, like, people who give me lots of money are my friends.




Lor: Totally. Best of. Also worth noting that commenter Polge’s theory proved to be correct: the return of a male director has given us a bathhouse brothel scene after two episodes of light nudity. Interesting.

Sweeney: Boobs abounded in this episode.

Elsewhere at sea, YARA GREYJOY is reading Ramsay’s gross letter to Papa Greyjoy. This is intercut with shots of Ramsay fucking, which I could really do without. I do, however, appreciate Yara’s BAMFy speech about how everything Ramsay’s done to Theon has also been done to these men, because it degrades the very notion of being “iron born.” We watch as her and her men slice throats and make their way to Theon who isn’t in the dungeons, but the kennels with the dogs. So, like, still pretty shitty. Unfortunately, when Yara goes to free him, Theon’s not having that, swearing that he’s Reek and not Theon. Watching Theon cower in the corner shatters my heart. I remember hating him so fucking hard, but he’s the rare person in Westeros who has suffered more than his share for his crimes.

Yara needs another men to help her pull Theon out. In all of this kerfuffle, Ramsay and his men have time to come down. Ramsay is shirtless and covered in blood, which is an unsurprising fact about his sex life that I didn’t need to know. Fighting ensues and Yara kicks ass, though somehow shirtless Ramsay is just fucking fine against all these armor-wearing men. Yara tells Ramsay that if she can take her brother, no more of his men will die. Ramsay congratulates her on having big balls, but questions whether they’re big enough for the dogs, whose cages he unlocks. Yara and her men flee to the boat. She says to leave Theon because he’s dead now. Sadz.

Lor: I love Yara, but homegirl seemed to quit pretty quickly? I guess seeing your brother not want to be freed deflates the mission but Ramsay was Villain Gloating a few feet away from you while trying to unlock the cage, and you have a big ass weapon, girl. I resent you for not taking care of that problem for us.

Sweeney: The whole scene was weirdly without payoff, particularly in this episode, where every scene seemed to have some sort of payoff.

The next day, Ramsay tells “Reek” that he has a treat for him to reward him for not going with those people that wanted to take him away. His reward for this loyalty is a bath. Theon is so fucking traumatized that he’s afraid of it.

Lor: Um, yeah, I’m afraid of this bath too.

Sweeney: Ramsay makes Theon remove his clothing and you know you alllll watched this scene through your fingers thinking, “Please don’t show the stub but also I’m secretly curious. MY EMOTIONS ARE CONFUSED.” We don’t see it. We just see his badly scarred chest, and his terror as Ramsay scrubs him off in this bath. Ramsay makes Theon profess his love for him, too, like a sick bastard. Ramsay has a big job for him in reclaiming a castle, a job in which he pretends to be someone he’s not. Himself. How the fuck is Theon supposed to hold his shit together well enough to play himself? He’s afraid of bathtubs for fuck’s sake. This whole scene is weird and uncomfortable and I was relieved when it finally left my screen.

Across the narrow sea, some goats are feeding while a farmer and his boy look on and watch. The little boy looks very “case-of-the-Mondays” bored with this. He gets over that right quick when one of Dany’s dragons comes flying up, torches some goats and then eats them as he flies off. That’s a really efficient skill.

Lor: All food is fast food for dragons.

Sweeney: Meereen Pyramid of Ruling Like A Queen. Missandei is reading off Dany’s now novel-length title to the first of her subjects for the day. Said subject anxiously explains that her dragon ate his goats. He’s terrified of implying that the great Dragon Queen could be responsible for his misfortunes and to Dany’s credit, she gets that. She tells the man he will be reimbursed for three times the worth of his goats. The man excitedly grabs his bundle of charred goat bones and scurries out. Dany smiles because that part of being queen was fun.

Her next subject is a super attractive nobleman named Hizdahr zo Loraq. Dany’s hatred of nobles (except, you know, herself *ahem*) blinds her to Hizdahr’s attractiveness. She has no fucks to give for all the formalities of him being presented by a squire. Hizdahr’s father oversaw the restoration of the city’s greatest landmarks, including the temple they’re in. Dany says that’s great and she’d love to meet his father. One problem: he was one of the men she had crucified. What’s more, his father spoke out against the injustice that Dany was punishing the masters for. Hizdahr says that what’s done is done, but as a servant of Meereen he wants its traditions preserved, specifically the tradition of funeral rite. He pleads with Dany to let him, as a son who loved his father, take his father’s body down to be brought to the temple and buried with dignity in order to find peace in the next world. It’s clear that Dany’s struggling with this big, “Oh shit, maybe blind vengeance isn’t justice.” lesson. She ultimately grants Hizdahr’s request. Defeated, she asks Missandei how many supplicants are left. 212. She rallies and asks for the next to be sent in.

I love Dany’s story this season. I already mentioned how glad I was to see that turning point moment where she realized that liberating people was a lot more complicated than she thought. I’m even more pleased that we’re getting to see that unfold. She’s learning that her actions have consequences and because she’s in a position where she makes big geopolitical decisions there are big consequences. She was already a total badass and she had her dragons and that was all awesome. Now, though, we’re watching her make big mistakes and truly learn from them. She’s acquiring a more holistic empathy to go with that strong JUSTICE! kick. Most important of all, and the reason she remains someone to root for, she’s acquiring that all-important thing Tommen realized a good king (or queen!) needs: wisdom.

Lor: I begrudgingly agree with all of the above. I have a hard time rooting for Dany, and a lot of that may just be Emilia Clarke’s delivery. But, yes, it’s a worthwhile payoff. It makes me think that perhaps all that white savior stuff we complained about was pushed on purpose.

Sweeney: I have made no secret of my issues with Emilia Clarke’s acting and I also had a super hard time rooting for her for a while. That’s part of what I’m saying: I’m rooting for her again, though I wasn’t for a long time. I don’t think, though, that this turn actually makes up for the white savior bullshit. This same lesson could have been learned and demonstrated without the weird racial shit. She didn’t need to be so annoyingly tropey, but now that she’s got more to do, I find her infinitely more compelling.

King’s Landing: Small Council Meeting. Oberyn sits with his knee on the table, wondering why council meetings have to happen so early. There’s so much sexposition he could be focusing on instead. He also wants to know if he’ll get to be MASTER of something. My new favorite also doesn’t stand like the others when Tywin enters because he’s way too cool for that shit. Lord Tyrell should take notes because Tywin is unimpressed with his ass kissing. Varys says that his birds have spotted The Hound, though no mention of a companion, which means that Varys is likely withholding some information. He also mentions Dany’s status as queen of Meereen. Oberyn’s super-impressed that she has The Unsullied fighting for her. (He finds them less impressive in the bedroom. Lolz.) Tywin’s solution to this major problem is to write a letter.

Throne Room. Varys is doing his usual routine of staring longingly at the throne. It’s his favorite place to have conversations filled with subtext (or overt text – depends on his mood that day, I suppose) on power and the future of the realm. It’s my lucky day because Oberyn has decided it’s his turn. Oberyn calls him Lord Varys, which Varys corrects as unnecessary. Oberyn notes that everyone calls him that anyway and Varys does a delightful shrug, a gif of which was requested in #snarkathon. ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE:

varys_shrug

Varys Shrug > Aria Shurg

Anyway, Varys wants to know about Oberyn’s knowledge of The Unsullied. We already know that Oberyn’s traveled. His, “I don’t want to be most of us,” take on travel is another bit of #swaggerphilosophy I can subscribe to. MY LIFE, FRIEND. More interestingly, in those travels, he learned enough to know that Varys hasn’t hid his accent as perfectly as he thinks, because Oberyn can tell where he’s from. Oberyn then tries to get Varys to confess to his sexuality. He’s surprised that Varys isn’t gay, but not nearly as surprised at the idea that Varys is asexual. Varys is much more interested in power and the realm and looking longingly at the throne. I love this scene both because these two are amazing and because this show is giving us really kickass asexual and bisexual characters. Good for you, show.

Lor: As soon as Oberyn started talking about travels, I was giggling, thinking about how much you would like that. Especially because it seems to come from a place of feeling an obligation to see as much of the world as possible. Swagger on, New Favorite. And please don’t die, because the amount that I love you right now is scaring me.

Sweeney: Well, shit. PLEASE DON’T KILL MY NEW TV BOYFRIEND, SHOW.

Falsely Accused Prison Cell. Jaime comes to visit his brother, or, rather, come with the guards who Tywin ordered to have Tyrion chained up before escorting him to the trial. Tyrion’s sass is in top form today. “We musn’t disappoint father.”

Law & Order: King’s Landing. (SHIT. SORRY.) People do some Fifty Shades whispering and murmuring as Tyrion is brought in. Tommen gets up from the throne to inform everyone that his grandpa told him being king is really hard so he’s going to let him do it instead. He announces Oberyn and Mace as the other judges and then peaces out. Lots of important characters give Tyrion the looks that you expect their characters to give him. There’s a much bigger takeaway from this scene that everyone else rightfully focused on, but I just want to say that it is my great sadness that I don’t have the time/energy to gif every single reaction gif in this scene. All the major players are here but most of them speak little if at all AND YET they all give amazing performances through a series of 3 second reaction shots. IT’S AMAZING.

Anyway, the trial begins. Tywin asks if Tyrion or Sansa killed King Joffrey, which he denies. He also speculates that Joffrey died choking to death on the pigeons.




Old enemies of Tyrion’s are called to testify against him. Ser Meryn, the man Joffrey told to beat the shit out of Sansa (but leave her face because he “like[d] her pretty”), mentions Tyrion threatening Joffrey that day and Tyrion tries to remind everyone why that threat was issued. Nobody seems to care about these important details. Pervy Maester also shares more true-but-context-stripped testimony. All the shit Tyrion stole from his stores when he SAVED THE CITY. Pervy Maester confirms that Joffrey was definitely killed by poison and he also produces Sansa’s necklace, found on the body of Dantos, with residue from a poison stolen from him and quite likely responsible for killing Joffrey. He laughably refers to Joffrey as “the most noble child the gods ever put on this earth.” Tyrion just hangs his head silently.

Cersei once again quotes Tyrion’s promise that her joy would turn to ash in her mouth, confirming that a debt had been paid. This happened right before Tyrion insisted that Joffrey be on the front lines in the Battle of Blackwater Bay. She then credits Joffrey alone with the decision to go in, for the sake of boosting troop morale. Oberyn picks up on the mention of repaying a debt and asks Cersei to clarify that debt. She was ready for that, though, saying that she merely requested he not keep whores in the Tower of the Hand, but confine that behavior to the brothel. Mace Tyrell thanks her for the courage of her testimony and Margaery’s eyes look like they might roll out of her head.

margaery_eyeroll

Lor: Where were these reactions gifs when we were actually recapping Fifty Shades?

Sweeney: “Westeros reads Fifty Shades.”

Varys is next up to testify against Tyrion. He knew it was coming but it’s still such a fucking bummer. Varys tells everyone about the time that Joffrey was jazzed about The Red Wedding (because JOFFREY WAS THE WORST) and Tyrion told him that “just now, kings are dying like flies.” He also suggests that marrying Sansa made him a sympathizer to the north. Tyrion requests to ask Varys a question. Tyrion wants to know if Varys remembers saying that without him, “this city would have faced certain defeat,” that the histories would never mention Tyrion but that Varys would not forget. Varys half-answers, “Sadly, my lord, I never forget a thing.” With that, Tywin calls everybody for an hour lunch break.

As everyone is leaving, we see Jaime have an idea. He goes to visit his father and call bullshit on this whole trial, which has been blatantly manipulated by Cersei. Tywin doesn’t correct Jaime’s accusation that he’s always hated Tyrion, only insisting that Tyrion killed his king. Jaime reminds him that he did too, and fills Tywin in on what happened the day that he killed the mad king. Jaime’s not there to bicker, though. Jaime reminds Tywin that Tyrion’s death would throw a major wrench into the family lineage. He’s come to request that Tyrion not be executed but only sent to live at The Wall (where, to be fair, they could use a smart person or two just about now) in exchange for Jaime giving up the white cloak and returning to Casterly Rock. I get the feeling that Tywin would have done that anyway, so Jaime just made a sacrifice without needing to. A big sacrifice, though, and one I’d like to congratulate him for if I wasn’t 900% done with his character and the fact that this show is really seriously going to keep sending him down Redemption Road without ever acknowledging the rape. And, you know, fuck that.

Sorry, I ranted a bit soon. Unacknowledged Rapist’s Redemption Road takes him back inside the throne room to tell Tyrion that when he’s found guilty he needs to enter a formal plea for mercy in his sentencing, which will get him sent to The Wall. Tyrion scoffs at this, what with Ned Stark (!!!) having been offered the same thing. Jaime asks if Tyrion trusts him, insisting that this is going to work out if Tyrion can refrain from any more outbursts. But then, like, how will he get that shiny Emmy?

After Jaime goes back to his spot there is a big dramatic reveal of the next witness. We see Tyrion’s shocked face before we see who it is: Shae. Usually the scenes I don’t want to watch again for recap purposes are physical torture or murder or rape. This time around, it was some high level emotional torture. I’m squirming all over again. Shae tells a fantastical tale of how Tyrion and Sansa planned Joffrey’s murder and told her all of it because Sansa wanted revenge and Tyrion hated his family so he was happy to help. Oberyn asks why the hell Tyrion would tell his wife’s maid this shit, at which point Shae confesses to having been his whore. After that insane bit of bullshit, she then repeats the earlier pattern of sharing half-truths. The only part of her testimony that doesn’t make me hate everything comes when Oberyn once again latches onto the particulars of her statement to ask if she granted Tyrion’s requests: “And did you? Fuck him like it was the last night in this world.” Shae gets back on message, though. how she did everything he wanted, like his property.

Tyrion finally speaks, begging her not to do this. “I am a whore. Remember?” I can’t. Remember the Shae we first met? How savvy and smart she was? I feel like the second she got to King’s Landing she turned into a blithering idiot.

Lor: The ladies of Westeros and beyond the Wall need to be a little big classier about being broken up with. I mean, we’ve all been there. Do you see me falsely accusing my ex of crimes he didn’t commit? No. You don’t.

Sweeney: Or shooting them with arrows? Shit. Class it up, ladies. Cersei’s definitely behind this, but as for why Shae did it, she either (a) was such a hardass that she was playing Tyrion all along -or- (b) is such a dumbass that she truly believed the speech from when he was trying to make her get the hell out. I’m not quite clear on which it is at this point. Neither makes me particularly happy.

Shae continues that Tyrion promised to kill Joffrey in order to get Sansa to let him into her bed. At that, Peter Dinklage goes for the fucking Emmy. He starts out quietly seething and quickly progresses into full blown rage. His kick ass speech included in full:

Tyrion: Father, I wish to confess. I wish to confess.

Tywin: You wish to confess?

Tyrion: (turns to audience) I saved you. I saved this city and all your worthless lives. I should have let Stannis kill you all.

Tywin: Tyrion. Do you wish to confess?

Tyrion: Yes, father. I’m guilty. Guilty. Is that what you want to hear.

Tywin: You admit you poisoned the king?

Tyrion: No, of that I’m innocent. I’m guilty of a far more monstrous crime. I’m guilty of being a dwarf.

Tywin: You are not on trial for being a dwarf.

Tyrion: Oh, yes, I am. I’ve been on trial for that my entire life.

Tywin: Have you nothing to say in your defense?

Tyrion: Nothing but this – I did not do it. I did not kill Joffrey, but I wish that I had.  (turns to Cersei) Watching your vicious bastard die gave me more relief than 1,000 lying whores. (turns back to crowd) I wish I was the monster you think I am. I wish I had enough poison for the whole pack of you. I would gladly give my life to watch you all swallow it.

WAIT, WAIT, let’s watch as gifs, too:




SO FUCKING GOOD. SO FUCKING GOOD. But then it gets even more hardcore. Tywin calls for Ser Meryn to escort the prisoner back to his cell, Tyrion turns to him, face made of pure rage, and continues, “I will not give my life for Joffrey’s murder and I know I’ll get no justice here. So I will let the gods decide my fate. I demand a trial by combat.” The crowd goes nuts and so does basically everyone watching because OH. MY. GOD.

oberynohshit

End credits.

I don’t think it should surprise many of you that this season has been weighing on me. I don’t know if they’ve actually gotten more gratuitous or if I’ve grown less patient with it. I certainly have a big issue with them throwing major shit in there and not properly acknowledging it or dealing with it as having consequences. It weighs down the whole story for me. The stuff at Craster’s Keep, for example, was harder to swallow because of it. It’s not just rape, though that’s obviously a particular hot button for me. It’s all of the gratuitous shit and feeling as though I just can’t stomach a lot more shock! and awe! LOOK WHAT WE CAN DO BECAUSE HBO bullshit.

This episode had more than its share of shit that’s bothering me. I don’t have much hope that I’ll ever stop being grossed out by Jaime being on my screen, of course we got the return of boobs, an utterly pointless sex scene, and way too much Ramsay Snow. The thing is, when this show does get shit right? Holy shit. I love watching Dany navigate her role as queen. I could listen to another dozen Yara speeches. Oberyn’s sass is my favorite forever. Above all else: GIVE PETER DINKLAGE AN EMMY CASE FOR ALL THE EMMYS HE DESERVES. It trumped all the shit I hated several times over. I could watch those last five minutes over and over forever and ever.

As always, everyone on Twitter had plenty of feelings about all this. Here are some #gameofsnark highlights:

 

Don’t forget to tweet along with us when you watch the next episode! Even if you’re not watching it live, we check the tweets several times before we post the episode. Just include #gameofsnark in your tweets!

 

Next time: Who will fight for Tyrion? Find out on Game of Thrones S04 E07 – Mockingbird.

Nicole Sweeney (all posts)

Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.





Marines (all posts)

I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.





Written by

Nicole Sweeney

Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.