Orphan Black S02 E01 – Surviving Stupidity

Previously: Cosima discovered a patent on the clone DNA, Alison let Ainsley die, Sarah shot Helena, and her family ended up missing.
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Nature Under Constraint and Vexed

Sweeney: It’s same night as the events of the S1 finale and Sarah is running in the rain (though it wasn’t raining then). (L: It started raining because she’s distraught and TV weather is effected by the MC’s emotions. Everyone knows that.) (S: True. We learned that lesson watching Ever After – her mood didn’t call for rain until the very end of that episode.) She leaves Felix a voicemail explaining that Mrs. S and Kira are missing. She ducks into a small, empty diner, where the proprietor hooks her up with free tea. She tries to call the other pink clone phones, but they’re disconnected.

Sarah finally tries Paul and leaves him a voicemail that she needs to talk immediately about her missing family. Seconds later, she gets a return call from his number, but it’s Rachel. She says that Sarah can be reunited with her family if she surrenders herself. Sarah threatens Rachel, but Rachel hangs up on her.

Two cowboy-inspired hipsters enter the bar, asking the owner of this tiny diner for free range eggs. He’s all, “LOL, right.” They actually used this as a way to say that non-free-range eggs aren’t “normal” because they’ve been interfered with. One is decidedly smarmier and he eyes Sarah and sits down in her booth, speculating that she, “ordered up a whole mess of eggs.” Because clone. They recognize Sarah’s accent and conclude that she is, “the one.” The other hipster cowboy stands over Sarah, making her hand over her gun.

The diner owner tries to intervene on Sarah’s behalf and is ultimately murdered for his trouble, though not before taking out the less smarmy hipster cowboy on his way out. They mention Kira before they start firing, but she still manages to get her shit together to run as soon as the guns come out. Unfortunately, she runs backwards, away from the door. She barricades herself in the bathroom and uses a fire extinguisher to start bashing through the wall. Smarmy Hipster Cowboy manages to get into the bathroom and grab her leg as she’s on her way out, but she shakes him off and runs, knowing he’s not small enough to get through before she gets gone.

Lorraine: My notes for this entire opening are, “I need to lose weight so I can fit through small openings and run away from [Smarmy Hipster Cowboys]” and “damn, Sarah is a survivor. Sometimes she’s dumb, but then she survives her stupidity.”

WELCOME TO SEASON 2!

Sweeney: She’s a total survivor and I think this means we should recognize her and celebrate the start of S2 with a Destiny’s Child dance party.

NEAT-O DNA SCIENCE SCREENSAVER!

Felix hasn’t been answering his phone because he’s at a club, presumably one he spends a lot of time in because Sarah tracks him and his assless chaps down. (L: Butt shot! First of the season. Congrats, Fee.) Felix is not happy about Sarah crashing his party but mostly he’s just really high. He tries to get her to slow down, suggesting that this is just Helena and Sarah says Helena’s “just gone,” though she won’t elaborate.

The pink phone rings and Felix notes that if hers is the only one that hasn’t been deactivated, it probably means it’s being tracked. Sarah agrees but answers it anyway. It’s Paul, who doesn’t tell her anything useful. She says she won’t come in but she will meet Paul alone and orders him to wait for her call. She hangs up and drops the phone in a drink.

On the other end of the line, Rachel’s #1 wetwork lackey is unimpressed with Sarah’s cleverness. He urges Paul to do something else to help Sarah to give him a solid excuse to murder his face off.

Lor: This guy doesn’t strike me as the kind that really needs an excuse, anyway.

Sweeney: Back at the club, Felix and Sarah run a quick phone-stealing scam. Sarah tells him that she needs him to make a side-trip.

Felix’s Frisky Flat. The place has been taken over by Cosima and Delphine. Delphine is drawing blood from Cosima, begging her to come to the Dyad event because Cosima being sick means that she needs Dyad’s help. Cosima’s wary of Delphine’s association with Dyad, but she swears she only works for them on Cosima’s behalf, to protect her. Cosima says that the samples cannot go to Dyad, and they sure as shit can’t be allowed to know that they know about the patented code.

Alison’s Abode. Alison is awoken in the middle of the night by Felix at her back door. He struggles to keep his voice down and stay on task because he’s high. Sarah sent him to ask to borrow a gun. Alison doesn’t like being the go-to girl for guns, especially since her gun(s? plural?) is/are registered to her. She reiterates an old line about needing to focus on her family – she’s getting things back on track and she’s in a musical now!

Donnie comes down but Alison stuffs Felix behind the door just in time. Alison brushes Donnie off, telling him that she was just running lines at 4am because she is “not in control of the muse.” Once he’s gone, Alison agrees to help get an unregistered gun because she knows a guy. She says to have Sarah meet her at her rehearsal at 4pm the next day.

Dyad. Rachel’s making important phone calls in German when Paul gets his instructional phone call from Sarah.

Later, he’s waiting on a bridge when a guy on a skateboard rolls up and demands $20 in exchange for another phone. I was kind of hoping it was Marco from Degrassi because I basically want all of these actors to be from Degrassi, but it’s not him. Not Marco skates off and the phone he left rings. Sarah explains that she needed to talk to him with nobody listening, and asks what’s really going on. Paul says all he knows is a message from Rachel: tomorrow morning she’s getting on a plane with Kira and Sarah can be there or not. Paul says he can’t tell her what to do, but mentions the big Dyad event that night, which Rachel will be attending. Also, Rachel’s wetwork body guard is named Daniel and he’s almost always at her side, except now when he’s definitely coming after her.

Daniel’s SUV pulls up to a skatepark. He spots a curly brown-haired girl on a phone and grabs her arm. The girl turns around and says, “She says, ‘Up yours.’” Elsewhere, we see Sarah running away.

Lor: Who are these people who are agreeing to help Sarah with instructions like, “wait here until a scary, government-official-looking-guy strong arms you okay?” NOT OKAY STRANGE LADY. NOT OKAY.

Sweeney: They’re Sarah’s people, you see. She ~*gets them*~. Sarah’s the Punk Teenager Whisperer.

After a Not Break, Sarah’s on a bus and asks a little boy to borrow his phone. STRANGER DANGER. She takes it from him and calls Cosima and Felix. Cosima says she’s thinking that Delphine is right about attending the Dyad event. Felix and Cosima smoking together is kind of hilarious. Felix says he smells lesbians in his bed and Cosima says she won’t “apologize for [her] heart.” Sarah tells them to just sit tight and that she’ll feel better when she at least has a gun.

In a grocery store parking lot, Alison finds Ramon, a teenager who works at the grocery store and also sells drugs out of his trunk. There’s some Mrs. Robinson flirting going on as she explains that she’s not interested in drugs, but guns. He’s got those, including one with a ladygrip, which Alison likes and purchases.

Cosima video calls her lab friend, wanting to talk more about that disease. He’s got nothing because she told him to erase the data, but she says she’ll be sending him a new blood sample.

Dyad. Delphine arrives and is directed by security to go straight to Leekie. She tries to play it cool, saying that Cosima is right where he wants her, in town and considering employment opportunities. He tells her to be careful playing for the other team, to which Delphine admits that Cosima’s scared of them, especially with how they’ve persecuted Sarah. This scene is all the more awkward when you remember that they were fucking not that long ago.

Delphine says that she wants Cosima there full-time too, since “324b21” is showing the same respiratory symptoms as “the other two.” Did we already know of another one besides Katja? (L: I can’t remember who it is, if we were ever told.) Delphine hands over the blood sample Cosima told her not to, saying, “Congratulations. I’m invested – which I’m sure is what you wanted.” Leekie looks like he mostly wanted to keep boning, but will take this as a consolation prize.

Lor: I’m disturbed by a blood sample being a sex consolation prize. That is some Fifty Shades level shit.

Sweeney: Oooh, say it ain’t so, Lor. You can’t just run around making associations like that in my brain and expect me to ever be able to remove that shit from my skull. (But, like, valid…)

Suburban Community Theater. Alison’s cast is gathered around and they spare all of a half second of mourning for Ainsley, who was also in their cast. But, you know, COMMUNITY THEATER MUST GO ON! A blonde named Kelsey is getting bumped up to take Alison’s part because Alison’s getting shifted into the lead, now vacated by deceased Ainsley. Everyone applauds Alison’s big achievement before they get to work, which is a scene in which Alison’s new character has to clean up after an unfortunate death with everyone’s help.

Who is lurking on the edge of the rehearsal but Art! He goes out to his car to tell Diangelis that Alison’s in a play, meaning that the lead Vic the Dick gave them in the finale is pretty useless because Alison’s a model citizen (aside from that time she basically murdered her best friend on a paranoid hunch) (L: and hot glue gunned her husband!) and they can’t really take her in for anything (other than basically murdering her best friend on a paranoid hunch). (L: …and a hot glue gun charge?)  While they’re in the car, Diangelis spots Sarah and in spite of the fact that they’re not supposed to be on this case, she confronts her anyway and cuffs her. Alison steps outside and sees this, hiding behind a post before ducking back inside.

After a Not Break, Deangelis demands to know what Sarah wants with Alison Hendrix. Sarah mostly talks to Art, whose trying to calm the situation. Sarah explains that she saw two men murdered right in front of her and that those guys are the people behind all of this, the same ones who got her out of jail. Sarah’s not paying very close attention. Wearing, “CLONES ARE ABOMINATIONS!” pins would be about the only way they could have more clearly introduced themselves as members of anti-clone club. (L: DOWN WITH CLONES, UP WITH FREE RANGE EGGS.) Regardless, Art and Deangelis have already heard about this diner murder so they decide to take Sarah to the scene.

Dyad. Rachel thinks Paul’s position is fortunate because he’s the only one who seems to know what makes Sarah tick. She interrupts Leekie preparing for his speech that evening to say that she needs his office because she’s meeting with the Koreans. Rachel tells Paul that he’ll be leaving with her for Taiwan on Tuesday. Paul takes that as his cue to leave. Rachel does Leeki’s bow-tie, as he asks if she was seriously crazy enough to kidnap Sarah’s child, since as important as Kira is, so is Sarah. Rachel says that the less Leekie knows, the better.

Murder Diner. Deangelis goes inside to check on how the scene matches with Sarah’s version of events. In the car, Sarah tells Art that they have her daughter. Inside, we see the bodies of the diner guy and the now-deceased hipster cowboy. Cops already on the scene tell Deangelis that there is a possible eye-witness who drinks tea. Like a British person!  (L: Nancy Drew level detecting, there.)

In the car, Sarah and Art are still talking – Art tries to suggest putting out an AMBER alert, (I didn’t know realize that countries had taken on that system, including the name! TMYK.) but Sarah reminds him that these people were powerful enough to get her out of jail so probably that won’t do shit. Sarah goes on to say that Art doesn’t really want to know the whole truth and he definitely doesn’t want Deangelis to know anything. With that, she comes back to say that the feds took over the scene from local PD. Art tells her to let Sarah go. Deangelis sasses Sarah some more, but once she’s gone, Art tells her that she almost trusts him.

Felix’s Frisky Flat. Cosima’s still the queen of optimism, saying that since she’s on the list for the Dyad event, she can just go demand that Rachel hand over Sarah’s family. LOL. Cute. Just as Sarah’s groaning over how unlikely that is to work, there’s a knock at the door. It’s Alison’s dealer, Ramon, with flowers and fancy package c/o Alison. Ramon takes a moment to be awed by Cosima and Sarah. They video Alison in, whose working on costumes in her little laundry/craft room. She gives an indignant, “I made that!” about the card Sarah’s mocking. We last heard Alison say those words before she let Ainsley die, so tread lightly Sarah.

Lor: If you get a paper cut from that card, she may let you bleed to death.

Sweeney: Sarah and Felix say that they love her. Alison says that she’d normally say not to do anything rash, but that seems to be a genetic quirk of theirs so she just urges Sarah to get her daughter back. Then there’s some quibbling about the absence of a real plan, but Sarah figures that knowing Rachel’s location should be enough of a starting point. Alison says she doesn’t want to hear anything – plausible deniability – and wishes Sarah luck before signing off.

Sarah decides that the easiest solution is to give Rachel what she wants (her) but not in the way she’s expecting. Cosima’s already iffy on the plan but asks how she’ll even get next to Rachel with Daniel in the way. Sarah doesn’t explain any of this because that’s no fun for the plot, but simply says that Alison won’t like her solution.

Dyad. Paul gets a call from Sarah, demanding to speak to Rachel. Daniel takes the phone and says that Rachel’s too busy to chat, but if Sarah tells him where she’s at, he’ll bring her in. Sarah says she’ll meet him at 9pm and that she’ll be driving a red minivan.

Lor: Oh, come on. The minivan is even more obvious than the tea.

Sweeney: Clone Swap. Alison gets out of her van with an arm full of costumes. Two guys accost her and she does a damn good job of defending herself against them, using only herself and same pepper spray. They eventually get her into the SUV, though. Daniel realizes what Sarah pulled and apologizes to Alison, telling her that this won’t happen again.

Clone Party. Sarah is dressed up as Cosima and has to keep pulling her glasses down in order to be able to actually see things. She spots Paul across the way. He’s going downstairs with a gaggle of important-looking people and Sarah goes to follow, but is flagged down by Delphine who pulls her in for a kiss and then forces her to chat with Leekie. The conversation is awkward, and Delphine puts together that this is really Sarah and not Cosima, though she doesn’t out her to Leekie. The lack of actual dreadlocks being a big tip off. Sarah pulls Leekie in for a hug so that she can swipe his key card.

Once Leekie goes away, Sarah says that whether Cosima knows depends entirely on whether Sarah gets caught. Sarah sidles up to her and demands to know where Rachel is, but Delphine has never even seen her. Delphine agrees to help in order to keep Cosima out of this, offering that something important is going on and probably in Leekie’s office, which is down the same stairs she saw Paul go down.

Sarah walks off just as Delphine is beckoned over to hear Leekie’s big speech about how important Dyad is, which serves as the VO for Sarah’s sneaking and Rachel’s important meeting. Leekie describes their work as the moral responsibility of visionaries and the way of the future. In her meeting, Rachel says something about a Supreme Court decision on the legal status of natural v. synthetic DNA was the successful result of their lobbying strategy, adding that they’re about to begin the next step in the patent process. Sarah waits outside until everyone leaves, including Paul, who escorts them back upstairs.

Inside the office, Sarah demands her daughter and Rachel explains that the house was overturned by the time they arrived on the scene. Rachel says she’s not lying now, but she lied to get her there. Rachel smugly says that Sarah won’t shoot her, so Sarah shoots just beside Rachel’s head, shattering the window behind her. Rachel cowers now, insisting that they’ll get Kira back together, so Sarah decks Rachel IN THE FACE. Guys, this is going to be SUCH hard category next year! Tatiana Maslany just punched herself in her own face and it was amazing.

Lor: Probably not the most satisfying, as far as story is concerned, but points for style when you are punching yourself in the face.

Sweeney: Yeah, I don’t think she’s likely to actually win the prize, but punching yourself in the prize is definitely nomination-worthy.

Sarah tackles Rachel, holding the gun to her head. “Nobody lays hands on me,” Rachel whispers. She’s saved by Paul, telling her to put the gun down. Sarah sees Rachel’s smug relief and decks her again for good measure, knocking her out. Sarah hits Paul in the face too. “In the face? Really?” Yes, Paul. It’s the place to hit people. He tells her to go, though, saying he’ll figure out something to tell Dyad.

Lor: I half expected him to be all, “shoot me in the leg!” about her escape, but apparently he’s not THAT committed to making it look like she got away.

Sweeney: Art’s Apartment. Sarah arrives at his door, saying she didn’t know where else to go. Inside, he has photos from the Maggie Chen case sitting on his table. Art pours her a drink and tells her to start talking. Sarah begins explaining, though Art has already started putting pieces together. The diner case is being regarded as domestic terrorism because the dead hipster cowboy was a religious extremist, like Maggie Chen. Look at all this detecting the shit out of things! Look at how good he is at his job! Art, we don’t have a category for real police officers, but you’d be a shoe in if we did. He even knows the term, “proleathean,” which Sarah ties to Helena. Art asks her to start with Helena.

Segue Magic to HELENA. Bitch is bloody as fuck and stumbling into the hospital. “Excuse me, my sister shot me,” she tells a woman at the desk before collapsing. As people rush to help her, we see Smarmy Hipster Cowboy lurking on the edges of the scene. Zoomy cameraman wants to make sure that we’re on board so he zooms into Hipster Cowboy’s belt to show us that it has that clone haterz fish on it.

Lor: HOW IS SHE EVEN ALIVE? I definitely thought we’d hear the last of her crazy ass soundtrack, but alas.

Sweeney: IT’S A BIG MAGIC PLOT TWIST. Kira magically survived that car accident relatively unscathed. MAYBE IT’S THEIR MAGIC DNA. (JK, you’ll find out the truth in the next episode.) It also reminds me of something that was brought up by commenters last season: the show plays with the fact that it only needs one actress for its many main characters. They’ve done stuff with Alison before that has the feel of, “That actress wasn’t contracted for this episode,” and the life/death of the clones is probably something they will continue to fuck with if they get many more seasons.

Dramatic end-of-premiere reveals aren’t done yet, y’all! Our precious baby Kira is sitting on a bed as a man roughly brushes her little curls and then tells her to look at the camera he’s set up to take her picture. The camera snaps. End credits.

Next time: Alison confesses to Felix and Sarah finds Kira on Orphan Black S02 E02 – Governed by Sound Reason and True Religion.