Previously: Oberyn died and so did our happiness. But Sansa picked up a new lying trick, so that was cool.
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The Watchers on the Wall
Lorraine: Fair warning: I think this is one of the weaker episodes of the series. What can you expect when they keep us at the Wall? THE WHOLE TIME? No amount of Jon Snow’s shiny hair can salvage that.
Sweeney: I thought this would be a pretty universal opinion but I saw people on Twitter gushing about it. We’ve assembled a crowd that shares our love of the character-driven elements of the story so I don’t think our opinion will be unpopular here, but it’s weird. To that end, if you’re the sort of person who digs military history and battle names and that kind of thing, then maybe this episode was your jam. For the rest of us…not so much.
Lor: We start with a sweeping view of Castle Black. Jon and Sam are standing watch and the wind is blowing and it looks miserable. Sam asks Jon what “she” was like. Jon thinks about it for a moment and says, “she had red hair.” I think this is Jon’s way of telling Sam something about the carpets and the curtains, but Sam is not pleased with his answer. He wants more details about being with a girl. They are probably going to die soon, and him a virgin, so maybe he wants to die a virgin who knows exactly what he was missing out on. Brave, Sam. Super brave.
Jon asks if him and Gilly never ahemahem, and Sam quickly says no. She’d just had a baby! And, you know, she never offered. Regardless of what the writers of this show may lead you to believe, YES, YOU SHOULD WAIT UNTIL THE OTHER PERSON OFFERS.
Sweeney: “A shocking twist in Snark Squad’s editorial line!” – said no one.
(But seriously. Take this advice and cherish it. THE MORE YOU KNOW, KIDS. THE MORE YOU KNOW.)
Lor: Jon asks if Sam would’ve broken his vows for Gilly. Sam, by way of answer, notes that their vows are very specific in what they say: I shall take no wife, I shall father no children. It doesn’t say anything about other activities. Jon smirks and a thousand, thousand Night’s Watchmen scream, “ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WE NEVER NOTICED?” Y’all drank the Kool-aid.
Jon and Sam walk together and Sam again asks what it’s like. Jon isn’t very eloquent on the subject, saying that you’re wrapped up in another person and for a little while you’re more than just you. He gets frustrated and says he’s not a bleeding poet. Sam is a true friend and tells him he definitely isn’t. Sam is the kind of friend who would stop you from going on American Idol if you couldn’t sing. (S: I’m always so sad for the people who clearly needed a friend like that.) Anyway, all Jon got for his trouble was an arrow six inches from his heart. Sam says there’ll be arrows for all of them soon. Jon tells his friend to go get some sleep. He’ll take the watch shift alone.
We pan up and out to see an owl squawking. If Gilly were here, she’d be able to tell everyone they’re probably going to die soon.
Somewhere Near the Castle Black. The Thenns have a Warg. Behind the Warg, Ygritte sits fashioning arrows while Ginger NotMance tells a story about a wild sexual encounter. Ygritte interrupts him with, “I know you never fucked a bear. You know you never fucked a bear. Right now, I don’t want to hear about the bear you never fucked.” Really, the most fun to be had in this scene is listening to Ygritte say fucked and trying to imitate it at home. It’s more like, “foe-cked.” FUN FOR EVERYONE FOR ENTIRE SECONDS!
Sweeney: I JUST TRIED IT TOO! IT’S SUPER FUN INDEED!
Lor: Ygritte is still pretty angry and she tries to pretend it’s about people taking her land and putting up big walls and stuff, but I’m pretty sure it’s still because Jon left her. Styr, the head Thenn, seems to think so too, because he tells her she talks an awful lot about killing, and even acknowledges that she did an awful lot of killing, but none of those people were Jon Snow. Ygritte says if Jon Snow is still alive, all that will be left of him will be his Snowballs around her neck. Styr still doesn’t believe she’ll do anything but offer Snow her “ginger minge.” Ygritte gets all up in Styr’s face, even though he dwarfs her, and says that Jon Snow is hers to kill and she’ll kill anyone who kills him.
In the background, we see Gilly walk stupidly near the camp of Wildlings. She’s lucky Ygritte is threatening to kill people at that moment. They’re all distracted.
Sam’s in the library. He’s startled by Maester Aamon who knows it’s Sam, because probably no one else at Castle Black reads. Heathens. (S: Sam is never more endearing to me than when he reminds us of his literacy and respect for the magic power of books.) Sam offers to help Aamon around the library, but he doesn’t need it. He knows his way around the library better than any other part of the library. “Thousands of books and no eyes to read them.” That reminds me of Giles’s nightmare that he couldn’t read. Not reading is sad. The most fun thing about this scene is the reminder that reading is more fun than this scene. Reading this recap counts. (S: A+)
Sam is reading up on the Wildlings and what they do to those they capture. Maester Aamon knows that this is about Sam torturing himself with thoughts of Gilly being captured and then launches into a speech about being in love once. I’m pretty sure the moral of the story is that they could spend all night thinking about things like “the past” and “horrible things that could’ve happened to your girlfriend” but Sam should instead go to sleep.
On his way out of the library, Sam hears a commotion. It’s Gilly at the gate but Pyp won’t open it because he’s under strict orders not to. Sam yells at him to, “open the fucking gate.” Pyp is so stunned that Sam cursed that he does as he’s told. That’s a good case against cursing. You never know when you’ll have to lay down a really impacting f-word.
Sam apologizes to Gilly for sending her to the whore house. He promises that from now on, wherever Gilly goes, he’ll go too. It’s super sweet and is interrupted by some Horns of Doom. An owl squawks again in case we weren’t clear on the doom part.
At the Wildling camp, the Warg comes back into his body and announces that it’s time. We see a fire blazing behind him. Back at the wall, there is a lot of activity at Castle Black. Jon stands at the end of the Wall, and in front of him we see a gigantic fire, just like Mance promised to light.
The Crows start mobilizing in Castle Black, loading barrels on some shoots and other medieval-y battle things. Ser Aliser Thorne stands along the edge of the wall, looking grim. Snow finds him, and all of a sudden, Ser Aliser is all, “hey did you say there were 100,00 men like 7 episodes ago?” I’m saving my f-words for a better time, so SHUCK YOU, ALISER THORNE. Jon is too honorable to say, “I told you so.” It doesn’t buy him any friend points from Aliser, though, who says they have to win the battle so Snow can go on hating him and he can go on wishing Ygritte had killed him. I mean, that’s one way to do a motivational battle speech…
Sam leads Gilly to a closet where he’s going to leave her while he goes to fight. Because when he said they would always be in the same place, he meant within a one mile radius. Be sure to always read the fine print on romantic declarations, ladies! Sam does give Gilly a big kiss though, so I guess she’s supposed to feel a little better about being locked in a closet. Sam promises he won’t die, which usually means a character will die, but this is the dude who faced a White Walker with a piece of rock and lived to tell the tale. Chin up, Gilly!
Lor: Interesting. I promise not to believe you if you think you won’t die, then. #bestfriendsforever
More battle preparations. Pyp asks if Sam is afraid. Sam is. Pyp asks how the heck he managed to kill a White Walker if he’s afraid of 100,000 Wildlings. Pyp’s question is kind of invalid, but Sam answers anyways: Sam wasn’t thinking. He was just acting because Gilly and the baby were in trouble. In that moment, he wasn’t Samwell Tarly or a Night’s Watchmen. He was nothing at all, and when you are nothing at all, there is no more reason to be afraid. Unfortunately (or fortunately), Sam’s something again so he’s afraid. The fun part of this scene is that “nothing at all,” remind me of that O-Town song, “All or Nothing.” When I was 15, a boy I met on a summer trip and talked to for a few weeks after I got back home dedicated that song to me as a sort of reason for why he was breaking up with me. Because he wanted it all or nothing at all and because our long distance phone charges were getting out of control.
Lor: 15-year-old Lorraine didn’t think so.
Stupid Ygritte is scouting out Castle Black. She runs back to give a report but she’s got wicked marble mouth and I don’t 98% of it. The 2% of is that she saw Sam, “the fat one,” up at the top, and she thinks they can scale the wall easily. Styr shouts, “let’s kill some crow!” and gets enthusiastic shouts in response. An overhead shot shows us the Wildlings charging for the Wall, Castle Black and the big ass fire just beyond that. So basically, the Crows are watching the fire while this group of Wildlings is to attack the south gate.
We watch the Wildling army emerge from the woods, complete with GIANTS and WOOLY MAMMOTHS. The best part of this scene is the wooly mammoth being all, “ROAR!!” because he wants to be part of the war cry too. Wooly knows what time it is.
On the Wall, Aliser tells his archers to nock and hold. Grenn accidentally drops a barrel of oil and Aliser yells at him. I’m naming all these people who I previously just called Wall Mates or Night’s Watch Bros or other variations. But they are all together on my screen for extended periods of time, doing stuff. So I had to seek out their names. I will probably forget their names in time for the next episode.
Sweeney: Fortunately for us, as bloggers, most of them will be dead before the next episode. So there’s that.
Lor: Awkward celebration!
Someone tells Aliser that there are Wildlings at the southern gate too. Aliser heads down there and leaves Janos Slynt in charge on the Wall. They release their first arrows and the Wildling Army just cheer because they have enough people to not really care about the 10 of them that just died.
Southern Gate. The Fringe Wildlings are scaling that much smaller wall. Aliser gives another crappy motivational speech that consists of, “hey, those men we are about to fight eat people…” GREAT, THANKS ALISER. PLUCK YOU.
With the Fringe Wildlings now over the wall, the hand to hand combat begins. So do, as a result, the bloody effects.
Beyond the Wall, the Wildling Army charges. On the Wall, Janos is giving an even worse speech which includes, “giants don’t exist,” even though there are giants right below him. Granted, they are up pretty high, but some of those people charging look like ants and some look like, I don’t know, bunny rabbits? Turtles? Smaller? Wasps? I’m bad at this. Fun part of this scene: try and decide what regular people and giants would look like from atop the wall!
Grenn tells Janos that Aliser needs him below. Janos runs off and Grenn gives a little chuckle that makes me believe that was a big, fat lie. Jon takes over and he starts commanding the archers. Some Wildlings reach the Wall and start to climb. Jon knows that they won’t make it up anytime soon, because he’s made that climb in an episode called The Climb.
Sweeney: This climb?
The Crows lower some men with ropes over the side of the wall to get at the Wildlings who are climbing up. A giant starts shooting arrow and one of his arrows BLOWS A WALL MATE CLEAR AWAY. That Wall Mate lands in the courtyard on the Castle Black side of the Wall.We watch the fighting there for a bit, including someone getting stabbed in the eye, because last week was certainly not enough eye trauma. Styr is smashing people and Stupid Ygritte is being very efficient with her arrows.
Janos has made it off the wall.
There’s fighting in the mess hall that features big ass knives and boiling water. Janos hides in a closet, but he picks the one Gilly is in. Embarrassing! Can’t pretend you were just looking for toilet paper, can you?
Pyp shoots a Wildling and ducks down to celebrate. Sam’s all, “this is a premature celebration,” and hands him another loaded crossbow.
Sweeney: This has always been one of our few dividing lines. People accuse us of being the same person so I feel the need to point out stuff like this to say, “Look, different opinion!” I like Ygritte’s sass. (Except, you know, I still can’t really root for her because in spite of how little I care about most of the people in this fight, I do care about its consequences for all the people I like south of the wall.)
Lor: Sam tells Pyp he’s all right as he gurgles on his own blood. If I were dying like that I’d like to think I’d find the strength to roll my eyes so hard. It’s funny that this happens in a recap we say that Sam would definitely tell his friends the truth.
Wall. A giant starts smashing through the wood covering the gate. They tie Wooly to the gate, and for some reason, everyone on the Wall is standing there and watching all, “wow, is that a Wooly Mammoth?!” Jon tells Grenn that the outer gate won’t hold, so they need to hold the inner gate. Grenn’s all, “okay!” and starts to head off to go do that but Jon grabs him back and is all, “HOLD. THE. GATE.” I want to start giving everyone instructions like this now. “Hey, can you fax this for me while you’re up?” “Okay!” *grabs person* “SEND. THIS. FAX.” Thanks scene, for providing that piece of incredible fun! Grenn grabs some dudes and goes to HOLD. THE. GATE.
More blood and guts fighting in the courtyard. Aliser goes after Ginger NotMance and gets good and stabbed for his trouble. His men grab him and pull him out of the battle.
Pyp is dead because, you know, he wasn’t okay. Sam grabs the crossbow and runs through the courtyard. A Thenn charges at him and he fumbles with the crossbow he probably should’ve loaded before running into open battle. But it’s Survivor Sam! He loads the bow and shoots the arrow in the Thenn’s face just in time. He runs on.
Grenn and his men get off the Wall-evator, just where Sam is taking cover. Sam tells them that more men are needed in the courtyard, but they can’t stay because they have to HOLD. THE. GATE. Sam insists that they need more men. Grenn says to tell Jon, who is in command now.
Sam gets in the Wall-evator and tells the little boy Olly to get him to the top. Poor Olly is freaking out and covering his ears because the Foley guys are going to TOWN with the squish-squish-AH!!-AH!! sound effects. Olly stands and starts pushing the crank to lift the Wall-evator. Sam tells him to find a weapon and fight. Olly spots a bow and the Zoomy Cameraman zooms in on it all, “SEE THIS BOW? RIGHT HERE? THIS ONE?” Yes, thank you. We see it.
Wall. The Crows finally release the flaming barrels of oil that take out a good number of the Wildlings working at the gate. Wooly is all, “I didn’t sign up for this,” and runs away. One of the giants retreats as well, and is shot by an arrow. His Giant Brother is sad and angry (sad-gry?) and decides he doesn’t even need a Wooly and can lift the gate all by himself. Up on the Wall, there is a barrel of oil stuck on the shoot. Some brain trust starts trying to get it loose by jabbing at it, and pokes a hole right through the barrel. It explodes and probably takes out more Crows than Wildlings they managed to take out with all the barrels of oil. It’s rough being on the Night’s Watch.
Sweeney: This recap has been so informative! I think I stopped watching about 15 minutes ago and started playing puzzle games on my computer during most of this. Wooly sounds pretty cool though. Wooly is my favorite character in the recap.
Lor: Wooly and Sam are my top two.
Sam comes to tell Jon that the Wildlings are over the southern wall and Ser Aliser is down. Jon leaves Dolorous in charge at the wall with instructions to release a world of pain if the Wildlings get too close to the gate.
Giant Sadgry is still working on that outer gate when Grenn and his men make it to the inner gate. The other bros are all, “what the actual hell.” when they see the giant but Grenn tells them to HOLD. THE. GATE. One of them says they don’t have to listen to Jon Snow and Grenn says, “HOLD. THE. GATE.” Giant Sadgry makes it through the gate. Grenn starts saying his Night’s Watch vows as Sadgry charges for them. The other men join in and we cut away as the giant smashes into the gate.
Sam opens up that door Jon gave him a key to and says, “we need you boy!” BECAUSE IT’S GHOST! Ghost can improve any episode. We watch through Ghost-vision as he runs out and chomps on a Wildling. But then we see that he keeps eating the Wildling. THIS IS NO TIME FOR A SNACK, GHOST. Dammit.
Sweeney: No, seriously, I missed that Ghost was even in this. That’s how bored I was. DAMN IT. How was I supposed to know it was actually going to get interesting? Can we get a featurette of Ghost and Wooly hanging out? I’d watch that.
Lor: Ghost, Sam and Wooly are my top three favorites.
Styr spots Jon and they start fighting. Elsewhere, I’m pretty sure Ygritte hears his yell and heads off toward the sound, taking out even more Night’s Watchmen as she goes. Styr gets the upper hand in the fight, smashing Jon’s pretty, pretty face on some stone, so Styr can go truck himself right now. Ygritte sees Jon and lowers her bow even though she could’ve totally taken a shot.
Styr picks Jon up and pushes him against a worktable. Jon spits a mouthful of blood in Styr’s face, grabs the nearest thing to him, a hammer, and smashes the hammer in Styr’s head. Ew.
Jon tries to gather himself but walks right in front of Ygritte’s arrow. He smiles this little smile that’s so sweet and sad.It’s kind of like Kit Harrington is actually acting!She’s fighting tears as she holds it there. We hear the sound of an arrow fly, but it’s one that hits Ygritte in the back. Jon looks up and sees Olly, bow in hand. Olly gives a little nod like, “you’re welcome.” Thank you Olly! Best! You are now in my top four favorites of this episode! (S: Ruuuude.) The most fun part of that scene was BYE YGRITTE! But not bye really until she dies slowly in Jon Snow’s arms and says she wants to just be in their sex cave forever. Then she says the most predictable last words ever: You know nothing Jon Snow. Jon holds her as the battle keeps on around him, but thankfully not near his grieving area. Super polite of all those Wildlings.
Ginger NotMance is alive but full of arrows and still full of fight. Jon tells him to give it up and shoots him in the leg when he won’t stay down. He tells some Wall Mates to put him in chains and question him later. Ginger NotMance says he should’ve thrown Jon off the wall when he had the chance. Jon agrees.
Sam goes back for Gilly and the cute of their reunion is quickly cut short by the awkward of Janos cowering in a corner.
Morning time. Men gather the bodies of the dead. Sam thinks this is a great victory but Jon is less optimistic. He knows that Mance was just testing their defenses and almost made it through the first time around. Maybe they can hold the Wildlings off again, but not forever. Jon says he’s going to find Mance and kill him so the Wildings are scattered. Sam protests, since he never got any orders. He says that if Jon is captured, he’ll be tortured. Jon says it’s a bad plan but there isn’t another one.
On the way out, Jon passes the inner gate where Grenn and the others lay slain. The giant is dead too. Jon kneels by Grenn and says, “he held the gate.” He did, Jon. He did. Jon closes Grenn’s eyes and tells Sam to get some men to help him burn the bodies.
Sam walks Jon all the way to the outer gate and raises it to let him out. Jon leaves his sword though because he promised Mormont not to lose it. But probably he should also not go try to kill people without a weapon? Sam tells him to come back and hero music swells as Jon exits the gate into a wash of white.
That excellent sad times version of the theme song takes us through the end credits.
It wasn’t so painful on rewatch as I thought it would be. Sam was excellent in this episode and though it isn’t my jam, the battle was stunning. Plus, in theory, I truly like that they sometimes take an episode to stick in one place this way. It feels like an extended scene with all these moving parts. That’s cool. That said, I had high expectations of episode 9 considering all we’ve been through in the other three seasons. This didn’t live up to that. I’m admittedly not a huge fan of the Wall story, though. I guess no one in Westeros is either and that’s why they can never get any good volunteers or funding.
Sweeney: I really wish I could care more about everything going on at The Wall because I recognize it’s important. I like Jon Snow theoretically, as he’s also on the short list of characters who are also pretty good people, but nothing up in that frozen wasteland really makes for good TV. Here’s to hoping his quest to kill Mance is more interesting. I’m not holding my breath.
Lor: Well, the finale should be interesting! You know, if you like having your soul crushed and to being left on epic cliffhangers for an entire year!
For now, have some #gameofsnark Tweets:
Does anyone else have to turn off all the lights in a 5 mile radius just to see whats even happening on this dark ass show? #gameofsnark
— Catherine McGinnes (@CatherineJane91) June 9, 2014
“What I’m saying, Jon, is that birth control goes a long way while interpreting our vows.” – Sam #GameOfThrones #gameofsnark
— Lorraine (@LateLorraine) June 9, 2014
Sam: “But the Night’s Watch vows totally have a loophole for blow jobs, right?!?!” #gameofthrones #gameofsnark
— Democracy Diva (@democracydiva) June 9, 2014
“I’m not a bleeding poet” Nor a bleeding actor tbh either Kit #gameofsnark
— Franuel (@Lollykittypants) June 9, 2014
You know Ygritte, when you’re teasing a cannibal about how your vajay tastes, he’s probably interpreting that differently. #gameofsnark #GoT
— Patrice (@patreesa) June 10, 2014
That awkward moment when you realize Jon Snow was right and you’re screwed. #gameofsnark
— Rhonda Cowsert (@rcowsert) June 9, 2014
Hahaha first episode that I’ve for real actually loved Sam. So far. Swear more Samwell. #gameofsnark #GameOfThrones
— Samantha Ania (@Samantha30191) June 9, 2014
It’s the eve of my death; I’m gonna go read some books #GameOfThrones #GameOfSnark
— Rose (@Coyote_Rose) June 9, 2014
“You liiiiiike her, you luuuuuurve her….” – Maester Aemon #GameOfThrones #GameOfSnark
— Anna May Fox (@AnnaVsLife) June 9, 2014
DAMN IT, SAM! Can we just stop saying shit like “I promise you I won’t die” – hasn’t anyone seen the poster? #gameofsnark #GameOfThrones
— Nicole Sweeney (@SweeneySays) June 9, 2014
Neither side really thought this whole “giant wall” thing through obvs. #gameofsnark
— Catherine McGinnes (@CatherineJane91) June 9, 2014
What is this, bring your mammoth to work day? #gameofsnark
— Yas Samraoui (@SpringRain88) June 9, 2014
GOT job I do not want: poking mammoth in the butt with a spear. #gameofsnark #GameOfThrones
— jessadg (@jessadg) June 14, 2014
Feeling very conflicted during this fight. I want the Nights Watch to win but I also really like Tormund and want Alliser dead #gameofsnark
— Alex (@MolotovCT) June 9, 2014
“YA BOO SUCKS TO YOU” — the Wildlings, probably. #gameofsnark #gameofthrones
— Anna May Fox (@AnnaVsLife) June 9, 2014
Ygritte you are going to need to pull your hair back. You can’t kill people with all that hair in your face. #GameOfThrones #GameOfSnark
— Rose (@Coyote_Rose) June 9, 2014
Damn it, Ygritte! Will you just Facebook stalk him like the rest of us and move on? #GameOfSnark
— Catherine McGinnes (@CatherineJane91) June 9, 2014
So… Ygritte is the ONLY female Wilding warrior? Thought they were all egalitarian and shit? #gameofsnark
— Franuel (@Lollykittypants) June 9, 2014
OH SHIT evil Hagrid’s got some killer aim. #gameofsnark #GameOfThrones
— Anna May Fox (@AnnaVsLife) June 9, 2014
Bet you’re all feeling super guilty for never remembering the names of any of Jon Snow’s Night’s Watch friends #gameofsnark
— Alex (@MolotovCT) June 9, 2014
OKAY, DOES ANYONE HAVE WILDFIRE OR SOMETHING? #GameOfThrones #GameOfSnark
— Lorraine (@LateLorraine) June 9, 2014
Best part of the episode was when the mammoth was all, “NOPE” and turned around. #gameofsnark #GameOfThrones
— Stephanie (@stephynee) June 9, 2014
You may have mammoths but we have DIREWOLF!!! #gameofsnark
— Rhonda Cowsert (@rcowsert) June 9, 2014
Rose Leslie has consistently delivered epic, fascinating, terrific performances. I’ll miss her terribly. #gameofthrones #gameofsnark
— Democracy Diva (@democracydiva) June 9, 2014
Are we seriously gonna spend the entire episode at the wall when TYRION’S LIFE HANGS IN THE BALANCE #priorities #gameofsnark #gameothrones
— Anna May Fox (@AnnaVsLife) June 9, 2014
I’m trying to care about this battle but I’m struggling. Having Cersei in the mix getting wasted would massively improve it. #gameofsnark
— Sarah Evans (@sarah_e_evans) June 9, 2014
I could complain about how the show has always bungled the NIght’s Watch story, instead… OMG GIANTS ON MAMMOTHS, AWESOME! #gameofsnark
— James Paul Johnson (@jpj1421) June 9, 2014
Well, that was fucking epic. How was that not even the season finale? I’m exhausted #gameofsnark
— Yas Samraoui (@SpringRain88) June 9, 2014
Next time: We catch up with everyone else not involved in the Wall battle in Game of Thrones S04 E10 – The Children.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
