Charmed S01 E07 – Debbie Downer

Previously: Prue defeated the goddess of the underworld with two shakes of her head!
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The Fourth Sister

Lorraine: The episode starts and I instantly recognize Danielle Harris from that instant classic Disney Channel movie, Wish Upon a Star. She played the younger, undesirable sister to Katherine Hiegl’s It Girl. The thing I most remember about Danielle Harris are her very expressive eyebrows. I mean, really, she can just lift them up toward her hairline, but that expresses a lot.

IMDB has also informed be that she voiced Debbie Thornberry in The Wild Thornberrys and this is very exciting news for me.

Debbie Thornberry (real name Aviva.) (LOL. No.) is surrounded by black candles while she invokes Kali. Her mirror glows and a woman dressed in white appears. Kali tells Debbie to be patient as her stalking of the Halliwell sisters will soon pay off. Debbie says she misses her mom and Kali replies that Debbie’s mother would be very proud of her. Kali asks if Debbie is ready to receive her sacred power. Debbie reaches out toward the glowy ghost mirror and her hands are infected with Bad Special Effects. Kali tells Debbie to go after the Halliwell sisters. Debbie grabs her jacket because apparently she’s going to do that right, right now, without even blowing out her magic candles first. Wasteful and dangerous. As soon as Debbie is gone, Kali’s image in the mirror goes from glowy white to flaming evil.

Halliwell Manor. Piper is looking at some missing cat posters when Leo comes into the parlor. He looks up into the chimney and Piper stares at his butt appreciatively. Phoebe senses that there is some butt staring going on, I guess, and also comes along. All Leo finds up in the chimney is a bird’s nest. Leo sees himself out and once he’s gone, Piper pretty much calls dibs on him because she saw him first.

   

Leo is hanging up missing cat pictures around the neighborhood. Debbie Thornberry watches him and then stares at a poster so hard it bursts into flames.

I AM THE SAHN.

We’re still in San Francisco because we see a trolley passing by. Thank you, establishing shots! Piper brings Leo a snack and some milk. Phoebe and Prue are chatting about Andy loudly as they come down the stairs. “He’s a cop and you’re a witch,” Phoebe shouts, apparently not seeing the big man on a ladder right in front of her. I’m guessing it’s mostly so we can take PHOEBE ANNOUNCING SHE’S A WITCH! shots. Piper pointedly notes that Phoebe is pretty dolled up for 9am and no place to go. In retaliation, Phoebe wipes away Leo’s milk mustache.

 

Prue pulls Phoebe into the kitchen and tells her that Piper seems to really like Leo. Phoebe is all, “…and?” which Prue calls classic. Phoebe wants to clear the air because she definitely did not touch Roger, which we heard about in the pilot. (IS THAT CONTINUITY??) Piper joins them and Phoebe asks her if she’s a boyfriend thief. Piper says yes and gives the example of her 8th grade boyfriend who Phoebe kissed at homecoming. Prue leaves them to finish hashing it out, but reminds them that she has dibs on the entire house that night for a date with Andy.

Piper tells Phoebe they can consider getting Leo a friendly competition. No one consults Leo. I’m not sure what’s up with Piper and Phoebe’s desperate singles sub-plots, but I don’t like them.

Debbie Thornberry is in bed, writing in her diary. Her aunt knocks on her door and is met with some extreme brattiness, stemming from the fact that Debbie’s mom is in rehab and her aunt hasn’t called her at all. Aunt Thornberry demonstrates some brattiness of her own when she storms out of the room and yells, “whatever!” Also, Debbie has the line, “I like it dark and stale,” in case her Bad Girl Styling wasn’t a big enough clue about her characterization.

Andy and Prue are at a video store (LOL) disagreeing over what they want to rent. Andy says it doesn’t matter anyway, because they’ll never get around to watching it. He doesn’t mean it in a bow-chicak-wow-wow way, but because something always interrupts them. Prue promises that absolutely nothing at all will happen that night for sure, guaranteed.

Debbie Thornberry invokes Kali again. Kali says that Halliwells don’t fully appreciate their powers yet and it’s Debbie’s job to be welcomed into the coven. Debbie says she’s up to the task so Kali magics the closet door open, and we see she’s holding Kit (the cat) hostage.

Manor. Leo’s finishing up some painting and Piper braces herself to go talk to him. She’s wearing a mid-thigh length skirt and a sweater set, clearly meant to impress. It’s cute and hilarious. She tries to casually invite Leo to a movie, and he seems more concerned about the original molding in the house. Piper tells him to swing by the restaurant the next day with stain samples and Leo smiles and asks what time the movie is.

Phoebe answers the door after someone rings and it’s Debbie returning Kit. The girls fawn over the cat for like 30 seconds but then Leo says he’ll get ready for the movie and their attention is taken elsewhere. Phoebe invites herself to tag along for the movie.

Andy and Prue arrive and she’s pissed her sisters are still hanging about. Prue asks who the heck Debbie Thornberry is and tries to shoo her out. Debbie says she isn’t going anywhere because she has to talk to them about Wicca. The girls all panic and Prue literally pushes Andy into Leo all, “GO TALK TO HIM.” To prove that she’s got powers too, Debbie starts magically popping Andy’s popcorn. BEST POWER EVER! (Probably not, but mmmmm, popcorn.) Piper freaks out (PIPER FREAKS OUT SHOTS!) and freezes time, but Debbie doesn’t freeze.

Debbie says she wants to be their friend but the 3Ps are not having her general presence. Prue tells her to GTFO or else, and Debbie is all, “or else what?” and burns the video in Prue’s hands. She leaves and time unfreezes. The popcorn bag bursts open and the Ps are surrounded by smoke. Leo asks where Debbie went and Prue squints at the door but also makes a little grunting sound when she does it? It goes, “Uh, UGH, she just left!” Totally stealth, Prue.

Later, Debbie complains to Kali that the Halliwells didn’t want her. Kali’s all, “was it Prue?” and it makes me laugh because it’s like the whole underworld knows that Prue will definitely be the one to kick you out of her house. Kali advises staying away from Prue, the strongest, and trying to worm her way in through Phoebe (ahem-the weakest-ahem). Debbie thinks to ask (now…) what Kali gets out of Debbie’s wish to gain some family. Kali says that Halliwell magic is old and powerful and she wants it for herself. The key will be getting Phoebe to covet Debbie’s powers. Not too hard since popcorn making > the occasional vision.

Apparently, Prue kicked Andy out right after Debbie left. She tells him, via phone call, that she’s unpredictable. Andy doesn’t want to change her, but he would like a normal date. Prue says they can try again that night.  After the call, the Ps discuss Debbie. Prue thinks Debbie stole Kit in the first place and Phoebe tells her to check the paranoia. Phoebe, girl, this is why all the evil people use you. Phoebe thinks Debbie’s power was really cool, ’cause I guess she saw all that gorgeous popcorn. Prue tells them to steer clear of Debbie until they have more information. So of course the phone rings and Phoebe answers and it’s Debbie.

Phoebe meets Debbie, whosneaks out of school and calls Prue a bitch/ Phoebe only mildly protests and basically follows along, no questions asked, because dumb.

Qua     ke. Leo finds Piper and she shows him to a table. It’s all really awkward and at the end of the interaction, Piper asks Leo what he’ll have, but with a significant eyebrow waggle, so we know she means in his choice of women. But, like, his only choices are either Phoebe or Piper.

Manor. Phoebe is showing Debbie around because she forgot Prue would come home eventually…? Pheobe again asks how Debbie even knew that they were witches. Deb says she has this high priestess witch teacher who told her all about the Halliwells. Phoebe says she’d like to meet this lady and Debbie asks the way to her room, promising to show her something she’ll like.

Upstairs, Debbie reapplies her Bad Girl Lipstick and says black is the color of her soul. I’d only say that matching your soul and lipstick is over doing it a bit. Debbie asks if Phoebe wants to try something cool.

Debbie grabs Phoebe’s hands and Kali briefly appears in the mirror. Debbie says she’s given Phoebe her power too, and to demonstrate, has Phoebe touch a plant. The plant insta-grows and Phoebe is impressed. Prue’s home and she comes into the room and asks WTF is going on. Debbie is all, “GET OUT OF HER ROOM!” and Prue gives her, “seriously right now?” eyes. The doorbell rings so Prue goes back downstairs, Phoebe hot on her tail. It’s Andy, who quickly realizes the date isn’t going to happen. Again. He leaves.

There is a single Phoebe fan commenting along so I feel kind of bad but: I hate Phoebe a lot right now.

Phoebe tries to apologizes but it doesn’t work out too well because Debbie is there saying really bratty teenager things like, “this is her house too!” and “she can do whatever she wants!” Debbie storms out.

In Debbie’s Downer Room, she’s complaining to Kali about how much she hates Prue. Aunt Thorberry walks in to ask her about cutting school and Debbie does the whole, “get out of my room!” thing again. Kali jumps in and sets Aunt Thorberry on fire. And then she also falls down the stairs so it’s a terrible day for Aunt Thornberry. After a Not Break, she’s being taken away by an ambulance. Debbie’s freaking out and wants to run away but Kali sends her back to the Halliwell’s. She wants Debbie to take Prue’s spot in the power of three. Debbie’s eyebrows reach heavenward as she considers this.

We cut to the Manor where Debbie is selling her sob story about having no place to stay since her aunt took a mysterious tumble down the stairs. Phoebe offers up her room and Prue reluctantly agrees, with a “no magic” stipulation. That night, Phoebe and her boobs are sleep. (Seriously. Boobs.) Kali appears in the mirror and tells Debbie now is the time. Debbie sneaks out of the room. She opens Prue’s door and is about to stick her fire-starting-hand in there but she’s caught by Piper. Debbie pretends she was looking for the bathroom.

The next morning, Prue goes to visit Aunt Thornberry [AT] in the hospital. AT is all, “uh, who are you?” and Prue explains that Debbie found their cat. AT says she’d been hiding the cat in the closet for a while, plus also she’s super into black magic and chanting and being a brat. Prue asks if she can go collect some things for Debbie from the Downer Room, and AT is cool with that.

Qua    ke. Prue has missed yet another date with Andy. He’s not happy.

Downer Room. Prue finds Debbie’s journal where she’s conveniently spilled all of her secret plans to take over their coven. Prue takes out her Zach Morris Cell Phone and tells Phoebe not to let Debbie out of her sight. Phoebe says okay and then immdiately lets Debbie go upstairs, you know, out of her sight.

Debbie grabs her book bag and goes into Prue’s room where she assembles a magic set-up. Downstairs, Leo and Phoebe have more dialogue I don’t care about. Phoebe picks up Debbie’s jacket and gets a vision of Deb throwing a fire ball at Prue. Leo looks out the window and announces that Prue’s home. Phoebe panics because she was having useless dialogue while she should’ve been watching Debbie. She runs upstairs and when she gets to Prue’s room, Debbie accidentally throws the fireball at her. Phoebe protects herself with a sweater but still gets a little burned. Debbie apologizes and runs away and I guess Phoebe just lets her.

After a Not Commercial Break, Phoebe is nursing her burn and admits that Prue was right. Prue concedes that she was only partially right, since Debbie is only being used by an evil spirit.

Debbie’s packing her stuff but Kali shows up and tells her to touch the mirror. Because she is an idiot, Debbie does. Kali possesses her.

Halliwell Attic. The Ps find the entry on Kali in The Book of Shadows and figure out that they have to shatter her reflection to vanquish her. Thankfully, Kali has just arrived in Debbie’s body! Kali!Debbie starts throwing fireballs around right up until, THE BIG BIG RESOLUTION: Piper freezes time, which freezes Kali out of Debbie’s body. Prue telekinesises Kali into a nearby mirror and Phoebe shatters it!

39 minutes of episode, 30 seconds of resolution!

In the denouement, Debbie is now wearing a dress, a lot less hair gel and no black lipstick so you know things are way better. Debbie promises not to tell anyone about the Halliwell sisters.

Prue finds Andy but he’s having none of her bullshit. He loves her and wants her to know he’s there for her, but also, he isn’t sure he wants to keep seeing Prue. We end on Shannon Doherty’s version of a sad face.

 

Next time: Andy can’t handle the truth in Charmed S01 E08 – The Truth Is Out There… and It Hurts.