Previously: The Cotillion ended up having 3xs more punches than expected.
—
The Outsider
Lion: We open with Ryan and my boyfriend Seth Cohen (Just to be clear, I just want Seth, ain’t even ’bout to homewreck the first couple of teen fandom: Adam Brody/Leighton Meester) in true show-set-in-California style, riding a bike and skateboard (adorably) down a boardwalk with flashes to random dudes playing beach volleyball to further indicate being in a coastal town in SoCal.
Sweeney: The best part of having different recappers write their posts, mostly without ever seeing the posts that came before them is going to be seeing how many people stake their claim on Seth Cohen. Since you’re my sister I feel especially obligated to interject with a, “HE WAS MY TV BOYFRIEND FIRST!” even though I’ve accepted that he’s actually everyone’s TV boyfriend.
Lorraine: Just jumping in to say that these two boys appear to have way too many clothes on for the beach. And I’m not saying that because Seth Cohen in MY boyfriend and less clothes is more appreciated.
Lion: If I weren’t the only younger sibling ever to be beaten (rather, forcibly shoved into cramped spaces) into submission, I would interject some fighting words (like how I am totally more into skating & comics & having a white person afro) but for the sake of moving on…
Let’s move onto Seth having a show down with some lobsters, explaining to Ryan that they are samurais preparing for a battle, y’know, eating lobster, the second most common battle in the O.C., after trials in social climbing. Seth asks if he can pull off a wife beater, to which Ryan gives him a look that I can’t really distinguish from his normal face. (S: It’s all just different shades of BROOD! Or the same one, over and over again.) +toooo much. Although, Seth understands and turns to say one parting threat to his lobster adversary before being seated.
Sweeney: Contrivance brings people together, girl!
Lion: I have seen the incredibly bland light.
Roll credits, flail and sing time.
Seth talks about how much he will love all this free time, so he can work on his novel, and he is such a cute little puppy. YOU CAN’T LEAVE YOUR PUPPY, RYAN. Ryan makes sure puppy Seth is alright with it, and Seth reminds him that he has no other friends and is quite familiar with alone time.
Papa Eyebrows is hiding behind a wall waiting until Kirsten’s flock of harpies flee so that he may grab his briefcase for work. Pan to the harpies, who are setting a table, then sitting at aforementioned table, discussing how to uninvite Julie Cooper to the grown up slumber party. I am all for Julie Cooper hate, but girl didn’t do shit. Kirsten swoops in as the voice of non-bitch, her main role in all interactions with the other residents of Newport, and is all, “Simmer, retract claws, Julie Cooper is riding shotty on Jimmy Cooper’s struggle bus,” er, or something like that, since Jimmy Cooper is her homeboy and all that.
Cut to Julie Cooper throwing away magazines sassily insisting, “I don’t want to go; I have to go,” because husbands are dumb and don’t understand the social hierarchy. She walks over to make sure we get a full 360 degree view of her all denim skintight bell-bottom denim jumpsuit with a tacky tilted thick brown belt. The only important thing beyond her snark and another one of Julie’s outfits that needs to be burned (*ahem* pink velour tracksuit), is Jimmy saying he wants to talk, and Julie is all, “Handle your shit; I have to strut now,” paraphrasing here, and strut she does.
Sweeney: It was 2003. I know you think your bad fashion choices in 2003 were principally a result of you being young, but the reality is that there were adults in those same fashion disasters. You may shake your damn head accordingly.
Lor: Have to mention that we’ve had this particular disaster on the blog before, courtesy of Cordelia Chase. We shook our damn heads then too.
Lion: Julie still gets the slow disapproving head shake of mediocraty, because AT LEAST BE ORIGINAL WITH YOUR TACKYNESS.
Summer and Marissa are tanning on the beach having a super high school girl conversation about wanting to go shopping then about Luke, King Toolbag. Marissa reveals she has not spoken to anyone besides Summer since cotillion and that she is too broke to do anything. Summer invites her to lunch on her, well, her dad’s card, because obviously.
Sweeney: Summer also goes on a panicky spiel about how if Marissa doesn’t do something she’ll become depressed and need medication. FORESHADOWING, SUMMER.
Lion: That brings on small me feels, so we can’t go there now.
Back to Newport’s hottest/only? lunch spot (S: Very Rosewood!)(L: STOP POINTING OUT THAT THE SHOW THAT WAS THE SOURCE OF MOST CHILDHOOD FEELS IS PLL BAD…oops, that’s like the point.) the unnamed lobster place (their uniforms just have a crab on front and back, nothing else…..), where Ryan is being trained by a snarky waiter that is clearly from a bad neighborhood, because he is smooth talking like Ryan and wears the same random leather cuff thing, since that’s apparently the style for poor people. He talks about how batshit everyone there is for wanting fancy things in plastic dinnerware.
Lor: The Also Poor Other Waiter is PAUL WESLEY! of The Vampire Diaries fame! He was also, until recently, married to the lady who plays Melissa on Pretty Little Liars. #TMYK
Lion: Look at you with your knowing stuff! Four for you, Lor Coco.
Marissa and Summer enter, so naturally Ryan has to go swoon. Marissa gives a bewildered look to show her great surprise at seeing a poor high school teenager at a minimum wage job. They engage in awkward small talk, coming to the agreement that the restaurant has good food. He asks about her dad, but Summer is tired of that interaction and interjects. They say they have to get back to their respective things, she turns, and Ryan stops her to ask her out all cute and bashful like, not calling it a date and such. She declines, walks away, and end scene. Tough break, guess she’s busy with the whole being broke, dad is a criminal thing. Sucks, man.
Shot of beach, because we’re still in SoCal.
Jimmy is out walking Dustin, his super cute golden retriever (more Dustin! Any Jimmy Cooper scenes without Dustin are really just missed opportunities), when Sandy, with partially obscured eyebrows (damn you, sunglasses! damn you, sun!) to offer him some legal help. Jimmy jokes about Sandy getting him sent to prison, all in good fun. Rather than denying that he dislikes Jimmy, he tells him that as a public defender he represents a lot of people he doesn’t like and LOLFOREVER, Sandy burns sound painful, Jimmy, make sure to rinse that well. Jimmy accepts the help, because what the fuck else is he going to do?
Back to Summer and Marissa, where Summer says she wished she knew Ryan worked there, then when Marissa asks why, Luke enters right on cue. Summer dismisses herself to the restroom, and Luke takes her place across from Marissa after being rude to Donnie. Donnie tells Ryan about his great loathing of this Abercrombie and Fitch model, saying he wouldn’t last in his town. Ryan perks up and tells Donnie he is from Chino, right near Donnie’s hometown.
Quick switch to Marissa and Luke, where Luke talks about how talking makes him sad, so they should just not and do fun stuff. Talking is hard, Luke, I know. You have to know all those words! Alas, Marissa is, like, nah, probably we should do that talking thing. We don’t need to hear all that silly talking, so we go back to Ryan and Donnie. They bond about being from basically the same place, and Donnie invites Ryan to come see the “real people” with which he associates. Ryan agrees, sealed with a fist bump, that reveals it was actually a wrist warmer on Donnie’s arm, not a matching leather band, rats! So close.
Sweeney: Oh man, I had several of those sweat band things with band names on them. ‘Cause I was very edgy in 2003, you see. I don’t really know how workout gear got conflated with bands that play Warped Tour, but that was a thing that happened. It was a weird time.
Lor: COOL MUSIC YOU’VE NEVER HEARD BEFORE MAKES ME SWEAT!
Lion: I wore too many bracelets & band sweatbands as a young blood. It was really problematic when I added my tie… I am having skapunk flashbacks…
We’re back to Marissa and Luke in just enough time to hear Luke royally fuck up and say it wasn’t Holly’s fault that papa Cooper stole all her dad’s money. Marissa is reasonably pissed, and she gives Ryan a look as she storms out.
Seth is laying outside on an original iPod (oh my cats, you guys, they were so big!) in another one of his myriad of punky graphic tees. He puts down the iPod and picks up his board and walks into the house. This scene is to tell us Seth is bored.
Cut to A PILE OF MONEY, COOL, GIVE IT, nope, not for me, you win this round, Donnie. Pan out to Donnie distributing money to himself and Ryan, telling him more about how things work in the nameless crab restaurant scene.
Ryan heads out, and Seth is there all eager and puppy-like trying to be nonchalant wanting to hang out with Ryan. Then Donnie walks out to put his arm around Ryan and inform Seth that Ryan is with him now. Seth makes, what the average person would call, a normal comment about catching up during uncomfortable small talk. Seth tries the not being awkward thing and Donnie does so little to help him out, giving us our first example that he is totally probably bad news (y’know, they already brought you Ryan, this is the O.C., this is Fox’s We Can Have All Entitled White Kids show, don’t blow it for them). (S: They certainly can’t have more than one likable poor kid! Ew!) Good pal Donnie takes the opportunity to clearly boast about let his new pals know, they will be catching up with the ladies (Ow Ow). Naturally, with this he points to some girls in clothes that are meant to make them look trashy (thanks, I understand, I have now seen hood boy and hood girl dress, each with two examples, thanks for the anthropology, Fox!) that the blonde one is a dancer, because of course she is. To this Seth goes for the, “Ehh, let’s roll with it,” approach with a nice turn and “Ahhhh, the ladies.” The whole exchange is pretty wonderful.
Ryan feels his puppy is sad and starts to invite him, but Seth stops him and dejectedly bids Ryan farewell. Ryan and Donnie walk off and Seth does this super cute thing with his skateboard before leaving.
Ryan is in his pajama v-neck, so we know this is set at waking up/lounging around time, presumably the next morning, *context clues*. Seth is totally not annoyed with Ryan, so, like, why would you even imply that? He is quietly reading his comic, and is totally tired of Ryan’s shit focused on his reading. Comics and being passive aggressive are serious business. Ryan tries to appease our comic puppy champion by completely ignoring how obviously angry Seth is and talking about the comic. Seth, as most proud nerds, has the focus to not be mellowed so easily. He offers it to Ryan when he is finished, in what we call turtling maneuver, other acceptable names are the recoil, and the, “Oh, I’m just really into this fanfic/book/comic/tumblr.” He cannot be bothered, and I fucking love it. You do not anger nerd puppies. Nerd puppy wrath will fuck you up. Trust me, I know, as a nerd lion, we can be very finicky when provoked. Seth is honing his fighting style. Miyagi would be proud. Ryan knows to back the fuck up and accepts, staring into the Captain Crunch, because he knows what he’s done.
Seth is a sweet lil pup, so he throws Ryan a bone (get it?), and he asks about his night with the ladies. No, wait, this is still him being passive aggressive, because he passes Ryan the comic and moves on before Ryan can even words. Get back bitch, snarky Seth aint nuttin to fuck with.
Let’s cool the tension shall we? Marissa and Summer are in different bikinis this time! You mean there are shirts in California? I barely recognize there are pants in New York, so no shame, ladies, clothes are for nerds (tell me how many times you have seen shirtless Seth?)
L: SEE? TOO MANY CLOTHES!
Lion: Word. or just boys? There has been quite the lack of shirtless named male characters. Ah, well, back to talk about the favorite, Luke, because Summer points out that obviously he won’t get being sensitive or when really heavy shit is happening in Marissa’s life, boys can’t be expected to be sensitive LOL! Yay!
To this Marissa offers so much fucking brood. Do you think Mischa Barton was forgetting her lines all these times? I think brood is her natural expression. I mean, girl can’t help it, have you seen those cheek bones? I would want people to focus on how flawless my skin is, too. Oh, and here Summer drops the word, “Gnarly” while putting on sunscreen at the beach in the most California moment to happen and why does Rachel Bilson need sunscreen? Way to promote good health, I can respect the PSA, Fox, my pasty ass needs to learn to transition to sun. We can’t all be O.C., after all, *hair flip, bitches*.
Here we have a rare Summer and Marissa are actually good best friend’s moment. This episode has been best for that so far (when Marissa missed Summer’s birthday party and Summer totally let Luke be a dick/shrugged when Marissa stormed out—what the fuck kind of best friends are these? SisterPanda and I were not pleased) with all the Marissa trying to have real feelings and not just being drunk clothes hanger (Democracy Diva’s name was too truuuuuu to not apply here) hanging out with randoms she just met over the bestie. There’s a code, friends: it mainly says don’t always suck 100% of the time.
Summer walks off, so that SEGUE MAGIC, Ryan could appear perfectly as Summer leaves. Ryan tells Marissa she actually was asking her out, woahhhh, what?! I must admit this line was smoooooooth, though: “I just wanted to clear that up, because I’m gonna ask you out again. Wanna do something tonight?” They settle on a romantic mac n cheese while she babysits and scene.
Lion: I met get a little annoyed after the third brood. How does one pull a, “Check, please,” in her own house?
Jimmy and Sandy are sitting in Jimmy’s swanky office surrounded by papers and boxes and folders and other things an accountant would have on the floor. Jimmy thinks he can just bankruptcy it out or work it all back, but Sandy is all like, “Nahhhhhh, dogg,” I may be paraphrasing here, “4 million dollars is, like, a bunch of dollars, so probably it’s time to get real, you fucked, man. Also, that being an accountant thing? You’re pretty much done with that.” Jimmy has a bunch of sads. Sandy peps him up by having a boys night! They also have a slightly amusing moment here where they realize they don’t actually know what it is they do without wives.
Sweeney: Dad bros! They’re the cutest. I’m pretty sure anything they do would be better than hanging out with those awful women.
Lion: Speaking of those terrifying creatures, Kirsten and the harpies are at the grown up slumber party, and harpie 1 tells Kirsten to put her phone away, basically a moment that happens to acknowledge that Kirsten is the only one of them with a job. It also serves to do some nice segue magic to Julie Cooper’s struggle bus, as she mentions she wishes she had a job. She totally plays shocked wife and “Oh, I’m just worried about the girls,” perfectly to regain the harpies’ favor (even dropping an “I blame myself”). (S: Julie Cooper is good, y’all. She is also nothing to fuck with.)
Kirsten is not having any of her shit. Harpie 2 (we lost a harpie, there were three earlier…maybe she got uninvited, how ironic and awesome) says she knows a lawyer to help Julie divorce Jimmy’s broke ass. Julie knows better than to say shit. Kirsten seems like the kind of human to go for the throat – stay back, bitch.
Ryan is busing tables while Seth gives a really dramatic (and cute, because always) speech talking up his grand plan to go to the Imax that night, because, hey, what the hell better offer is there in Newport? I assume this means there are no parties tonight (whaaaatt?!), maybe they just ran out of coke. Ryan shuts down that enticing offer, and Seth offers to get tickets for the whole crew, bring Marissa and the kid along! Ryan is all, “No, it’s at her place,” to which Seth is like, “Dassssss nice, I feel you, d0000000000d,” and I may be paraphrasing again.
Seth invites Donnie to the movie, Donnie makes fun of him and invites him to a party in Long Beach, provided he changes (fuck you, Donnie, Seth is per-actually maybe he should change). Seth accepts, then Ryan swoops in to shut that shit down, because Long Beach is too rough for our young pup. Seth adorably rebuts, “Okay, mom, except that I am.”
They land on Ryan agreeing to go with for an hour to protect his lil pal, since Seth pulled a, “We could all be buddies!” and Ryan knew he would be cruel to deny my favorite his much needed play time (puppy metaphor still goin’ strong!).
Jimmy mentions that he lives with three vegetarians, and I like Marissa ever so slightly more. They talk about beer and steak and man things until the phone rings. Sandy has Jimmy answer, and it happens to be Kirsten. Julie walks up at the end of the conversation and gives perfect bitch: “Your concern for my husband is really touching.”
Sweeney: Julie Cooper is the paragon of bitch to which all other bitches aspire.
Lion: She is the apple of my marry rich, be a bitch eye.
Hood party naturally occurs next to a giant factory. (L: There is a car with HYDRAULICS out front. Bad neighborhood is bad, y’all.) Our blonde friend from earlier (Donnie’s pal) is stripping on a diving board, and Seth notes that she really is a dancer and how it’d be real swell of them to invite her back to the pool house, to which Ryan replies, “Don’t say pool house.” LOL, rich boys.
Sandy and Jimmy are playing video games, which is cute. Sandy sucks, because he is the responsible parent. They talk about feeling young and their favorite ages. Sandy says 22 since it is when he met Kirsten, cute, but, watch closely here: Jimmy says 16 since it is when he met Kirsten, not cute. See the difference? One is Kirsten’s husband, and the other one is very much overstretching a conversation with someone who is both helping him out and openly doesn’t much fancy him, in large part due to the whole clearly wanting his wife thing. Even if that is your real reason for your favorite age being 16, could you maybe not say that to HER FUCKING HUSBAND? (S: SO AWKWARD.)
Marissa answers the phone to hear from Ryan that he got caught in a party, and she is wearing a super cute dress and did her hair and FEEL BADLY, RYAN.
Sweeney: We got a montage of her prepping and everything! I’ll continue to give her endless shit, but I felt a little bad for her.
Lion: I can respect the great effort of primo time, as one who avoids it (including the hair brush…) unless my outfit & occasion are both extra snazzy. SHE THOUGHT YOU WERE SPECIAL DESPITE BEING POOR. THIS IS A BIG DEAL.
Ryan goes to usher a Seth away from some ladies, but Seth claims he is, like, totally connecting with them and yeah. Ryan gives him a nice, “Really, though?” face, and they head out. On their way out random party goers are talking about someone who did a sick demo on a Range Rover, so Ryan and Seth share a nice “Ruh-Roh” look and end scene.
Now that Ryan and Seth are alone, Ryan can whine about Marissa and I just don’t care, so it is a good thing that he pouts off to work, totes poorly attempting to snub Seth. Ryan’s snark game is really off, like, always. He is easily the driest character on this show.
New battleground at the Who Will be HBIC? Brawl, where Kirsten is like, “That divorce, though…” to which Julie gets all “Call Jimmy,” and I’m all, “Ooooooo, giiiiirrrl, you gon’ take that?” Kirsten takes down Julie’s ally with a swift “Oh, bitch, remember when this same shit went down with your husband?” Harpie 1 down. Harpie 2 pipes up saying it, “…was a bit uncalled for,” but Kirsten is obvs HBIC and doesn’t back down for silly nonsense like tact and brings up her college coke addiction, which is maybe a low blow, but these women suck and I give no fucks. Put your posse in line, Kirsten! Harpie 3 is the last in line, and points out the very true fact that Old Jimmy Boy goofed. Kirsten aint even takin’ any of Harpie 3’s shit, and gives a nice: “Oh, spare me, you’ve got an entire Guatemalan family cleaning your house for less than minimum wage,” tsssssss, that one stings. (S: GET IT, KIRSTEN.) Kirsten is no Julie, but she can be a lion in a coyote fight for sure.
Now that Kirsten backed all the bitches up, she goes off about how they all suck, even good ole Julie with all her pony buying she’s doing for Shailene Woodley. Harpie 3 tries to dismiss herself while the only two contenders in the HBIC battle get heated over the whole My Husband is Clearly Not Over You thing, which to me only further supports that Kirsten runs shit. Kirsten finally acknowledges that Jimmy may possibly be totally clearly into her. Julie pulls out a surprise win with a, “Who knew when he knocked me up, it’d be the best thing that ever happened to you?” strut, Kirsten guffawing, and scene. Boom. Julie is so scorned, and it is doing wonderful things for her evil fierceness schtick.
Lor: I really do hate her evil ass but then sometimes I don’t even know why because the worst things she’s done is marry a dude and demand ponies. Jimmy Cooper could’ve said no!
Lion: Yeah, I hate her so much, but also respect her. She is the human embodiment of a peacock for me. (If I ever write here again, it must be accepted that I hate those foul fowls..)
Marissa longingly picks up a pic of her and her ex Abercrombie model when Seth interrupts. He comes in to be the cutest and apologize for not sharing his toy, Ryan. She commends him for his honesty, and Seth very easily smooth talks a make up date for his home boy. I feel it pertinent to note that Marissa is so useless and boring that here we just have a few seconds of her looking unsure and smiling (that along with unsure and pouting are her two main emotions!).
Jimmy is golfing in some sweet golfing shoes overlooking the beach since Newport with Sandy. Sandy fills him in that his lawyer buddy can get him zero jail probably if he pays back all the monies and loses any hope of doing his job again, so that’s…..news! Jimmy is all, “Uhhhh, fuck nah, man.” To which Sandy is like sucks to suck tells Jimmy about his assets and gives him practical advice to sell his home and what not. Jimmy whines about Julie leaving him. Sandy tries to reassure him, but Jimmy very amusingly notes that his wife is a heartless bitch. Sandy tells him to get real, because he fucked up. Jimmy tells him that isn’t fair since Sandy lives in a fantasy land married to the HBIC. Jimmy ends with the fact that Sandy is a trophy husband, which is always a nice touch. Sandy shuts Jimmy’s indignant ass the fuck up by mentioning that the key thing about parenting is the whole parenting part, which gets awful hard from jail. Boom. Cohens 1 Coopers lolyou’restillpoor.
Sweeney: You tell Jimmy all about where those eyebrows of non-negligent parenting come from, Sandy Cohen!
Lor: Those eyebrows are all you, Sandy! Julie and her money can’t even take credit for them! Also, it’s super funny that people make Sandy feel bad about his probably still six-figure salary.
Lion: Right? “Oh, he’s the poor lawyer,” LOLFOREVER
Back at the Generic Crab Insignia Restaurant: “Seth Cohen, your friendly neighborhood pimp at your service.” I just love him. He tells Ryan about his date with drunk clotheshanger. Other Seth gems of this scene: “It turns out that I’m quite skilled at getting a date, provided it’s not for me.” IT’S NOT TRUE, SETH! YOU HAVE MEEEE! (calls out eight year old totally not right now me) Ryan goes to do nondescript work things so that Donnie can ask Seth where the party at. Donnie convinces Seth that going to another one of the Newport’s sophomore coke parties, since those are just things that happen. Ryan comes up from behind Seth with a suuuuper creepy look on his face.
Enough with the moody scowl thing,” LOLFOREVER MY BOYFRIEND SAID WHAT I WAS THINKING, AREN’T WE CUTE? They fight over Donnie going to the party since he’s rough. BUT THESE KIDS DO COKE IN THE OPEN AT PARTIES, THEY ARE MAYBE INTO SOME HARD SHIT, TOO. Seth doesn’t give any fucks about Ryan’s weird socioeconomic issues.
Marissa is annoyingly pretty in her stupid insanely pretty dress with her pretty hair and pretty skin and stop it. She is doing some final pre-date prep in a bedroom mirror in a quite adorable manner that doesn’t actually do anything to alter her appearance.
Ryan is making some sweet grilled cheese outside the pool house on a barbecue as Marissa brings some leftover mac n cheese, and aren’t these people rich?
Switch to Donnie and Seth entering the usual Newport party scene, coke included. Outside the party ON THE BEACH, we see Luke pouring out his beer for no apparent reason when a generic pretty blonde girl is being all flirty and asking about Marissa. Upon hearing that Marissa and him are donezo, she offers to comfort him *nst nst*
Ryan and Marissa are being cutesy by the pool talking about their fabulous grilled cheese and leftover dinner. They are brood masters, though, so it quickly switches to a somber “How are you?” from Ryan. Marissa talks about her family feels and not wanting her family to fall apart and starts getting the sads, so Ryan leaps up and declares they will do something fun. Marissa still broods, so a play fight ensues. As any play fight enacted poolside must, it ends with both of them in the pool. Here are a bunch of clips of them being all cute and laaaaaaaame:
Sweeney:
Lion: Necessary.
Ryan and Marissa are toweling off in the pool house, and Marissa makes fun of Ryan’s tank tops. A good time is had by all. Cue phone call from Seth just in the knick of make out. Ryan is all, like, “BRO, BUSY,” and Seth is all, “I know, but, like, boy cray, though.” Ryan flees to his rescue. He invites Marissa, but she totally can’t go to Holly’s.
I wouldn’t want to go to Holly’s either: Holly and Luke are making out on Holly’s bed until they are interrupted by a glass breaking noise. Holly runs down. Donnie calls out to his pal Abercrombie as he heads downstairs. Ryan appears. Luke does that guy chest push thing, and Donnie busts out a gun and power trips. GoodGuy!Ryan jumps at Donnie, and in all the commotion of entirely tackling Donnie the gun goes off. Luke still gets shot, but only in the arm. See! Ryan helped! Mainly he ended Donnie’s speech early which was also a good thing.
Sweeney: Speechifying is always the undoing of villainous deeds. TV 101.
Lion: So true. When will they ever learn it goes Evil THEEEEN Speech.
Streeeeetch humma lima (Hummer limo) rolls up to drop off the last harpie at her home, leaving only Julie and Kirsten. Tense moment is tense. Kirsten apologizes, to which Julie responds by staring straight forward and talking about seeing limos in her young thug days (y’know, childhood), imagining stories for the extravagant lives of the people inside, noting that Kirsten could have been staring back at her, meaning she’s been jealous of her since she was eight. (S: #deep) Enjoy the height of Julie’s scorn depth, folks. She said she was nothing before Jimmy, and she doesn’t want to go back. Kirsten says she has a family and Jimmy loves her. Shouldn’t have ended on that note, because here Julie inserts, “Not as much as he loved you,” beginning a little speech about her sad little life in Kirsten’s shadow. It ends with Kirsten telling her now she needs to stand by Jimmy. Whatever.
Sweeney: Yeah, I don’t remember sympathizing with Julie’s reservations about standing by Jimmy, but after that little speech I kind of am. The lux life was the trade off for a relationship wherein her husband always loved someone else more than her. It doesn’t help that Jimmy’s little temper tantrum at the golf course was decidedly not cute. In any event, I’m just saying that there are feels to go around in this marriage on the rocks.
Lion: It might mean that I am simply more evil, but I may become a Julie sympathizer after this rewatch. I feels it a brewin’ right here.
Ryan calls Marissa from the hospital and tells her to get there.
Sandy is doing some dishes when his lady returns asking about the car. She grabs a beer, fascinated by the foreign element of middle class in their home. Then gross old people kissing happens, so scene change.
Lor: I remember being more grossed out by this than I currently am. I’m getting so old, guys.
Lion: Ew, gross. I refuse… Although, my biggest reason to refuse is paying for my own health insurance, so me, too, & weirdweirdweird. We’re done here.
The Coopers are much less lovey. Julie leans forward to allow Jimmy to kiss her on the cheek in a wonderfully team heartless cow fashion, and she asks if he won the lottery. He tells her they can have nothing as a family or bankruptcy + 8-10 years prison with them keeping the house. Poor Jimbo, what a terrible accountant.
Seth tells Ryan that the cops think they can catch old Donnie boy, and Ryan inputs that there is probably a job open for him. Seth says he needs to take some me-time, work on the novel, exactly what he said when Ryan first got the job, so probz not changing a damn thing. Does Seth do anything? Eh, I still love him.
Marissa shows up. Ryan leaps to attention. Marissa leaves and tells Ryan not to wait. Ryan has all kinds of guilty feels, but Seth is like nahhhhhhh, you good. The episode ends with Seth telling Ryan they have to stick together. CuteCuteCute.
Lor: Following some comments that happened recently I just want to end this recap with an ode to Mischa Barton’s shoulders being almost always ear high:
Next time: Marissa isn’t sure which boy she should choose in The OC S01 E06 – The Girlfriend.
#NerdCouture advocate, engineering kid at NYU Polytechnic, model zombie, musician (or pro basement bedroom singer--I'm the og-est Brand New fan......). I like to talk about my sister & New Yooork City & nature & Lana Del Rey. Enjoy the rambles!
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
