Dawson’s Creek S02 E10 – Awkward boners

Previously: Abby exposed Andie’s family issues to the entire school in an attempt to win a student council election. You know, like a sociopath.
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High Risk Behavior

Democracy Diva: The episode begins, of course, with Dawson confessing his undying love for Pacey. In the greatest fan-service scene since Pacey’s Braveheart monologue, we watch our least favorite leading man and our favorite leading man be totally gay together.

Kirsti: My notes specifically say “…does this count as queerbaiting???”

Diva: Dawson leans in like he’s going to kiss Pacey, but then grabs his script and points out that Pacey missed a line. Because they’re doing a dramatic reading of Dawson’s script, with Pacey playing the girl. For rehearsal, even though neither of them plan on acting in this film. Okay, sure, show. Let’s go with that, and not the fact that you just wanted to fulfill the slashfic fantasies of your teenaged viewers. Either way, it’s much appreciated.

K: While that may be true, the script is utter shit. 

Diva: Absolutely. Like us, Pacey calls Dawson out on some of the issues with his script, namely that no one uses that many big words, and also why is there no sex? Dawson insists that it’s too obvious to have sex in movies, so he’s taking a risk by omitting a sex scene. (Which is dumb, in a film that is all about teenagers wanting to have sex. If he were making another terrible swamp monster movie, omitting the sex scene would be a more reasonable decision.) Pacey tells him to stop using this “it’s risky” thing as an excuse for not having sex in the movie, when it’s really insecurity about his virginity that’s the problem.

Post-credits, Dawson and Jen are handing out fliers for movie auditions, because Jen is his producer now. Dawson is confident she’ll make a flawless producer, because she knows how to hand out fliers. I’m not in the film industry, but I’m pretty sure that’s not really what a producer does. Anyway, Dawson spots a blonde kid who looks like a more handsome version of Dawson and tells Jen, get him to audition! He is my gay fantasy of myself leading man material! Jen insists Blonde Guy isn’t sexy enough, because he’s boring, and instead points to a guy with the world’s ugliest goatee.

K: I laughed SO HARD when Jen said the Dawson look-alike was “almost as sexy as a bucket”. 

Diva: Actual best.

Anyway, since Goatee Guy has dark hair instead of light hair, he’s supposed to be dark and broody and sexy, I guess. This comparison doesn’t work because Blonde Guy is just way more attractive than Goatee Guy, but the point is that girls go to movies to see dangerous bad boys, not Dawson Leery.

Pacey hands Andie his HIV test results – he got tested because she mentioned it, and he’s HIV-free. Aw, I miss the late 90s, when everything was an HIV awareness PSA! Andie’s happy he got tested, but wants to make sure he knows that that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re going to have all the sex right now. He says he got tested for himself, not her, and he doesn’t want to “jump in the sack” with her. Andie disappointedly is like, uh, why not? They have a don’t-YOU-want-to-have-sex-with-me?! back and forth, and finally agree that they’re both DTF but will wait until the time and place is right.

K: Pacey’s hair, considering how he started the season with bleached tips, is oddly excellent in this episode. Perhaps it’s because everyone else’s hair sucks so much that it’s a shining beacon of light in the darkness of crappy hair…

Diva:

Joey is working on a sketch of a nude figure, and Dawson giggles and asks awkward questions. Although Joey has broken a dozen pencils because of nerves while sketching a live naked man, she insists she’s growing up. Also, she seems a little miffed that Jen is his producer now. She wants to know what the movie is about, and Dawson pretends it’s totally not about the two of them. Which he does over and over again this episode, for no reason at all.

Meanwhile, Chris talks to Abby about auditioning for Dawson’s movie. He figures that it can get him famous and therefore laid (I accidentally wrote “lame” at first, because Freud), so he’s down to try out. He wants Abby to read with him at the audition, but she’s like, ew, no.

Now Jack is the one looking at Joey’s sketch, and of course he’s more mature than Dawson about it, though they still giggle when talking about how well-proportioned everything is. Which is allowed. But the point is that Jack understands/gives a fuck about Joey’s art, and Dawson doesn’t. Anyway, Jack spills something all over the sketch and ruins it, because clumsiness.

At auditions for the movie, Dawson and Jen watch everyone be terrible. Cut to Jack, apologizing to Joey for being such a spaz. She’s basically fucked, since this project is due in like a day, and she’s going to fail because she can’t redraw it from memory. Jack offers to pose (NUDE!) for her, and Joey is all, dude, NO. He’s like, but we can stop you from failing your project, if you’re not too afraid that you’ll want to have my babies once you see my junk. She insists that’s not the case, but he says if that’s so, there should be no problem. They can be totes professional. Joey reluctantly agrees, and they set a time and place for her to paint him like one of her French girls.

K: A+. But also, this Jack-posing-naked plot is totally weird. In the real world, you’d contact your professor, explain the situation, and ask for an extension. But obviously, that brings insufficient drama.

Diva: And insufficient penis.

Andie is at the pharmacy, picking up her medication. She runs into Pacey, who insists on reading the label on her medication bottle, and realizes it’s Xanax. (K: Excuse you, it’s “Zanac” because of trademark reasons) (D: A+) Andie lies and says it’s her mother’s medication, since they have the same first name. Anyway, Pacey is there for condom-shopping, so now we have another awesome safe-sex PSA as Andie and Pacey discuss whether to buy condoms now, so that they’re ready when the time comes. She thinks it’s a good idea to have them, just in case, and Pacey does this brief fist-pumping YES! gesture that is the funniest, most adorable thing in the world. You guys, I could watch Andie and Pacey talk about sex for HOURS. It’s that wonderful kind of awkward, the kind that is fun to watch and makes you feel like part of their relationship and remember how fucking awkward you were as a sex-starved teenager. And yet when Dawson and Joey talk about sex for even a second, I want to gouge my own eyes out and drink a gallon of brain bleach. Go figure.

K: SO MUCH. I think it’s mostly because Dawson is such a douchenozzle with a side of “they have zero chemistry together”. 

Diva: Abby and Chris, auditioning for Dawson’s movie. Chris wants to know why the characters don’t have sex, and Dawson reiterates his “love is beyond mere lust” bullshit that actually just means “I’m a virgin who can’t drive write about sex.” Anyway, Chris and Abby continue the scene, and Chris is actually pretty good. He alone makes the ridiculously big words sound almost a tiny bit like something an actual person might say. Almost. Then he shoves his tongue down Abby’s throat and insists it was part of the scene. She’s like, DUDE, NO, and runs out. Chris bows, and Jen dismisses him.

Andie tells Pacey about her fantasy losing-her-virginity scenario. There’s French food, and Frank Sinatra, and a B&B. It’s a night she’s going to remember for the rest of her life, and she wants to plan it so that it’s worth remembering. Pacey says he understands, and he’ll help make that night memorable, wink wink, nudge nudge, and I’m pretty sure the next sound we hear is Andie’s panties hitting the ground.

K: Legit, girl. Legit.

Diva: Post-auditions, Dawson is still pretending that his movie isn’t about him and Joey. Jen laments that her character’s role is limited to the first act; she thought she meant more to Dawson than that. She asks Dawson what he liked about her – he says she opened him up to new things. And mostly she was a total hottie. Jen becomes the 800th person in this episode to tell Dawson to put a goddamn sex scene in his movie. He still thinks it’s too obvious, but Jen says if Dawson hadn’t gone for the obvious girl, maybe the ending of his script would have been less obvious. BOOM.

Joey and Jack’s awkward naked date. He’s in a towel and they’re both uncomfortable. He starts to take the towel off and she’s like NO KEEP IT ON PLZ THANKS. Jack mentions that this is like Titanic, which is true because I already made that reference before I heard Jack say it. It is at this moment that I realize I might actually be enjoying this episode. Like, legitimately. Not in an ironic way. And not just things Pacey is doing. What is happening to me?!

Joey’s basically like, please stop talking so I can draw. He mentions that they’ll be much more comfortable with each other after they get through this, and this freaks Joey out too much. She says she tried to be a grown-up but she just cannot handle seeing his penis right now, so please put yo’ pants on and GTFO. She insists she’ll draw the rest from memory, but then knocks over the easel, making Jack jump up and his towel fall down. Joey looks right at his penis and this is her face:

They figure, now that the cock is out of the bag, they might as well get to the sketching part.

K: This scene was utterly ridiculous but also utterly enjoyable. Especially Jack’s slightly insecure “You can just draw around…it” line when trying to convince Joey that it’ll be totally fine. 

Diva: After the not-break, Jack asks, “So, how’s it look?” Teehee. They start to get a little more comfortable with each other and can giggle and talk semi-normally. She’s proud of herself, because most people wouldn’t think little Joey Potter would be able to look at a penis with a straight face. She talks about how art makes her feel like she’s doing something special for herself, and taking risks. Jack says that’s because art is scary and dangerous. Joey wants to know what scares Jack, and the answer, of course, is sex. On this show, the answer is pretty much always sex.

K: Watching with future knowledge on my side, I stop to have Jack feels. Which sounds really wrong given that he’s currently posing naked. WHATEVER, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. 

Diva: I do indeed, and I share your feels.

Jen sits on her porch with a cup of tea, and watches Dawson brood by the creek. She walks over to talk to him. Cut to Andie and Pacey, at a French-looking restaurant. Cut to Joey and Jack. He’s not scared of sex because of first-time fears –  he’s not a virgin. Joey is intimidated, but he’s only had sex once, and this seems to make her feel a bit better. Back to Jen and Dawson, who says he’s lucky to have Jen as a friend. She says if he gets really desperate, she can play his leading lady. He says maybe she should have. Like in real life, you see, because Dawson’s life is a movie, as always.

Joey asks Jack about sex. She admits that she’s a virgin and sex scares her too. He tries to talk about it, but he’s having trouble getting the words out. Cut to Jen and Dawson. He again insists his movie is stronger without sex, but Jen says that’s not real. People end up having sex eventually. What makes sex interesting is the intent and motivation behind it – it’s not always about love. Sometimes people are lonely or in pain or need a distraction or a whole lot of other reasons, and they have sex and it’s interesting and not the obvious choice. She tells him to consider a rewrite. (Of his life and the movie.)

Joey tells Jack to describe sex like art, which is weird, but go with it (K: SO FUCKING WEIRD OMG). He says it’s like seeing Starry Night for the first time – it’s the same sky you’ve always known, but suddenly it’s magical and beautiful. Then he compares sex to Monet’s water lilies, and Degas ballerinas, and other name-droppy art, but the absolute best thing he says is, “it’s like the warmth of a Georgia O’Keefe flower wrapped around you.” Yes, sex would be a lot like that, since those flowers are ACTUALLY VAGINAS. Then a phone rings and interrupts them, and something awkward happens, but I’m not really sure what, and I’m going to assume it’s an awkward boner.

K: Seems legit. And it’s a VERY awkward boner seeing as it was apparently caused by a discussion about art…

Diva: Pacey brings a blindfolded Andie into a B&B room, but I swear it’s not as creepy as it sounds. (It’s just a little bit creepy.) They did the French restaurant and the stroll on the docks and now they’re in the B&B part of her fantasy. She’s a little terrified, but Pacey insists he just wanted to give her the perfect evening, even if it doesn’t end in sex. Andie gets nervous and says she really wants to do this, but she’s not ready now. He just holds her and tells her it ain’t no thing, we absolutely do not need to have sex tonight.

K: I’m torn on this whole thing. Because there’s a serious DUDE, NO element to Pacey having planned this whole thing a red hot second after Andie told him about her virginity-losing-fantasy. I mean, three months down the track? CUTE. Immediately after she tells you about it? WEIRD AND SORT OF FORCED. But I also want to cheer over his adorableness and total lack of pressure when she’s unsure. 

Diva: It definitely would have been weird if he was all, AND NOW LET’S HAVE SEX! But as is, I think it was sweet. Andie makes him feel like his life has hope, and he doesn’t need to have sex with her to feel that. She says, “You know what, Witter? You make me wanna do it.” Which is how we all feel about Joshua Jackson.

Dawson in the Shrine O’Spielberg, working on his rewrite. He broods over a picture of Joey. We also get a glimpse of his computer screen, and the characters are named Jack and Jill. HOW DID THIS MAN EVER WIN A FILM-RELATED AWARD?! Anyway, he seems to agree with me, because he deletes the entire thing.

K: I stop to say “ew” about Dawson keeping a framed photo of Joey next to his bed. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t have framed photos of my best friend on my nightstand. On my desk, yes. But also, I’m in them. This is just a photo of Joey on her own. It’s a little weird. Although then again, we established in Hurricane that he also has a framed picture of Steven Spielberg next to his bed, so…yeah.

Diva: It didn’t even faze me in the moment, but yeah, totally weird. Anyway, Jack apologizes for his awkward boner (I’m still only like 85% sure that that’s what’s going on here). He doesn’t want his penis to screw things up between them, and he didn’t want this night to be about sex. Joey understands – they both wanted to be professionals about this, but there’s something between them, and they’re only human. They keep moving closer and closer to each other as Jack says he just wants to hold her and touch her, but he didn’t know it until it was forbidden. She’s all, well, I’m not as scared of your penis now that it’s covered with underwear and pants, so maybe we can touch. And finally they kiss.

Also, lolforever, because for all that talk about Jack’s penis, SHE DIDN’T EVEN DRAW IT.

Dawson climbs into Jen’s window, which I’m sure is supposed to be meaningful. He’s been thinking about everything she said and then he kisses her.

Cut to Pacey and Andie, also making out in a bed. Pacey stops and says he doesn’t want to do this. Well, he does, but he can’t because they’re not ready. Andie insists she “might be” ready, but Pacey says when you’re ready, you’ll know, and then we’ll do this. A lot. All the time. But not now – just take all the time you need. Andie smiles and says this makes her want to do it even more, but Pacey says, let’s get out of this sex-room and I’ll drive you home.

K: I know I talk a lot about Pacey being perfect (I’m totally biased and I’m not even sorry), but this speech was pretty great. How many fictional sixteen year old boys would be all “Yeah, you’re totally not ready for this, so I’m not ready for this”?? Consent means a yes, not a maybe. He doesn’t have a yes so he pulls the plug, no questions asked, no butthurt comments about blueballs. Amazing.

Diva: 100% agreed. THIS IS WHY WE ARE JUSTIFIED IN OUR UNDYING LOVE FOR PACEY, UNIVERSE. He is just the best.

Back to Jack and Joey, now making out. Cut to Jen and Dawson, also making out. Cut to Pacey, walking Andie out of the B&B, holding hands and being generally the best. And the screen says “to be continued…” which was probably not necessary. But at least this episode ends on a Pacey moment, which I always pray for but never seems to happen.

Overall, this was my favorite episode of the season so far, and I’m pretty sure it’s because Dawson and Joey only interact with each other for about five seconds in it.

K: You know how someone remade The Phantom Menace without JarJar Binks? Do you think it’s possible to remake Dawson’s Creek without Dawson?? Because that would be AMAZING.

Diva: I would watch the ever-loving shit out of that.

Next time on Dawson’s Creek: It’s like a whodunnit, but with sex! Abby tries to figure out the sex-having author and recipient of a mysterious note in S02 E11 – Sex, She Wrote.