Previously: Wilden is dead and maybe Alison is alive? A is definitely alive, though, and still terrorizing.
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Turn of the Shoe
Lorraine: Rosewood used to have One Restaurant but I think they gave up on that and started serving food in the One Coffee Shop. That’s where we find our girls now. They exposit in the clunkiest ways possible the events of Wilden’s murder and funeral. (“I was looking at that freaky woman!” “Which one?” “Oh, you know, the one with the veil we all saw and would definitely be described as freaky! REMEMBER?” Yes girls, we remember. Thank you.)
Sweeney: Next time we hang out I think we need to better prepare for the TV version of our lives by having long conversations about things we just did.
Lor: My best friend and have a version of this called “remember that one time, five minutes ago.” It goes a little something like, “remember that one time, five minutes ago when you tripped in front of the hot guy LOLOL.” Basically, we have to expand on that.
Anyway, Spencer is distracted by the fries she is playing with and not eating. It’s all in the name of detecting the shit out of things, but still. Those are french fries, girl. Put them in your mouth. Apparently she’s trying to recreate the geography around the lodge with foodstuffs, in order to see if it’s possible for whoever was on the plane to rescue the other Liars from the burning building. The girls are all, “UGH. NOT THIS AGAIN.” and I KNOW, RIGHT? I mean, it’s only episode two, but Alison either needs to be alive or not already. As Aria points out, we’ve already been to that girl’s funeral TWICE. Point is: they don’t know whether she’s alive.
Sweeney: Did I jinx this? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? I was so sure we had arrived at an actual fact, which was really stupid of me.
Lor: It was really cute though. I’ll always remember your relief and happiness when you thought we’d learned something.
Mona shows up and apologizes for being late, which is weird, because it doesn’t seem like anyone invited her. They all get up to leave and Mona is all, “OMG GUYS. What do I have to do to leave throwing a car at one of you in the past?? I mean, you saw my laptop get hacked! That’s basically an eye for eye, am I right?” In order to prove that she isn’t keeping any more secrets, she offers to take the girls to her Stalker RV again. Spencer takes her up on that offer, because it seems like a good little plot-trivance to get this episode rolling.
Of course, they get there and the Stalker RV is gone. Mona says somebody stole it but no one believes her. Aria and Emily watch while Mona gets in her car (for no discernible reason). A is in the back seat and chokes the crap out of Mona. She uses a flashlight to whack at A and then falls out of her car, doing the most dainty choke cough I’ve ever heard. Aria and Emily rush to help her and A hops in the drivers seat. AND THEN THROWS THE CAR AT ARIA, EMILY AND MONA. They jump out of the way just in time, but Emily lands on a rock and hurts her shoulder.
Lor: SHHHHHH.
Daytime. Hanna gets a text from Aria about Mona finding her car dumped behind school. Mama Marin is back. They check in with each other and when Ashley asks Hanna how she’s holding up, Hanna’s all, “WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?” Girl, with a reaction like that, it probably should mean more than she meant by it. Wilden’s death and funeral come up and Hanna dances around the, “I kind of wanted it to happen,” topic. Ashley says Wilden had a lot of enemies and one of them decided to do them all a favor. She doesn’t know she’s probably being framed for murder yet. She’s still on the happy side of this plot.
Hanna tries to casually bring up the fact that Ashely lost her phone. She lies and says someone left it in the mailbox. Ashely assumes she lost it at the hotel when she was checking in and goes on her way.
Hastings House. Spencer gets a rejection letter from the University of Pennsylvania. HAHAHAHAHA. Oh, sorry, this show just tried to tell me that SPENCER HASTINGS got rejected from a college. I believe this less than Alison being alive.
Sweeney: I do because we saw Spencer hand her application off to a psychopath she’d known for 8 seconds (CeCe), so that’s clearly the HOW on this epic bullshit. (I REMEMBERED A PLOT THING!) (L: Clearly I didn’t!) Of course, I’ve also been inoculated against this from that time the Gossip Girl books tried to insist that Serena filled out no applications and got into all! the! Ivies! but Blair was rejected by Yale. Nobody cares, but I can finally get that off my chest because we’re all watching Pretty Little Liars here and fuck if any of you have room to judge me!
Lor: Aria fills Hanna in on that one time, five minutes ago, when she almost died. Emily has a huge bruise on her shoulder and is in a lot of pain. Hanna things Em should’ve landed on Mona, so Aria explains that the car was after her and Mona and Emily jumped in to save them. That is not at all what I saw happen and I think the gif above agrees with me.
Hanna changes the subject to her mom who didn’t act all that surprised when Hanna pulled out her phone. An extra walks SUPER close to Hanna as she says, “framing her for MURDER,” and it’s no wonder these idiots can’t keep secrets. Hanna keeps ranting about all the questions season 4 has brought us and wonders who could be behind it all. Melissa? Jenna? Shana? Aria says she could always ask “her” in person and looks pointedly behind Hanna were Shana is sitting. Hanna’s all, “OKAY.” Aria tries to get her to stop because she was joking about using words and stuff. That would be really stupid.
Hanna flounces over to where Shana is conveniently located. She’s sitting at a table with an empty seat so Hanna asks her if she’s saving it for Jenna. Shanna is surprised and the way Hanna repeats Jenna’s name (jeh-NAH) is hilarious. Han asks why Shana skipped Wilden’s funeral since they are all buddies. Shana says she was at swim practice. Hanna asks if that was more important that saying goodbye to an old friend. Shana plays dumb so Hanna specifies that she means the scumbag she and Jenna picked up off the road the night he was hit by a car. Okay, maybe that was using too many words. But only because it was her mom that ran him over. Aria finally pulls Hanna away.
Suspiciously Empty Computer Classroom. Emily meets Paige who wanted to show her some mock up of their future dorm room. Emily tells her to slow down, since she hasn’t been accepted to Stanford, but Paige is the kind of confident that will only lead to disappointment. Emily cracks a joke about pushing the beds in their dorm closer together and Paige grabs her playfully by the shoulder. Emily winces and lies that she slept wrong on it. She doesn’t know if she can swim in the next meet. Paige tells her she must so Emily changes the subject back to their dorm room.
Hastings House. Spencer hides her rejection letter. Toby comes up and he’s acting really shifty as Spencer announces she doesn’t want to go to school. Emily’s already over there and making floor plans, girl. WHAT TIME IS IT? Toby pockets his cell phone when it starts ringing and Spencer asks him what’s wrong with him. He swears it’s nothing, even as Spencer tells him about the thing with Mona almost being killed and the Stalker RV being gone. Sorry, but it’s 10 minutes in and we saw that scene and have heard the story retold twice. Way to make being almost murdered immediately boring, show.
Rosewood High and it’s One English Teacher For Whatever Grade Aria Is In At Any Given Time. (Seriously, is he teaching all the grades and all the English classes?) (S: Also what happened to Piper Mom’s English class? Didn’t she teach English? Has her classroom been converted to a private meeting room for non-school business?) The bell rings, but Spencer remains seated. Aria asks if she’s coming and Mona interjects that they’ll all meet in the courtyard.
Spencer takes this time alone with Ezra to confess that she didn’t get into U. Penn. Ezra is a little shocked and offers sympathy. He asks if there are any other schools she was considering, but no. Not for a Hastings. She’ll be the first in her family not to go. Ezra offers to help her with her essay and tells her that it’s important to have a second choice. It’s U. Penn’s loss. Spencer does that little nod/sniffle you do when you are trying to keep the tears in and Troian Bellasario is so great.
Hanna and Emily are talking on the phone after school. Hanna doesn’t get why Emily won’t ask Paige about Shana. These girls are always asking each other why they won’t reveal a plot point to their significant other. The answer is always, “because DANGER.” Emily is frantically looking for something to make her shoulder feel better. She opens up a medicine cabinet that has a TON of prescription bottles. Meanwhile, Hanna had found a laundry bag under the sink that has muddy heels in it. Hanna wonder why her mom would try cleaning her shoes with a toothbrush. Emily says she has to go. She pops some pills and takes some for the road.
Aria shows up at what I will call a dojo because Karate Kid taught me that word. I’m super sorry if that is incredibly inaccurate, but movies. Aria asks a cute guy if Holden teaches there and the guy scoffs. He’s the teacher. Aria wants private lessons ASAP and I laugh forever. OF COURSE SHE DOES. SHE’S BEEN IN DANGER FOR FOUR SEASONS. The guy, Jake, schedules her first lesson for the next day.
Sweeney: She said some bullshit earlier about A taking out the tiny ones first and I wanted to punch her in her stupid face because she’s too selfish to realize that all of her friends have also had their lives threatened at one time or another by A.
Lor: Mamma Marin comes into Hanna’s room to collect some laundry. Hanna asks her about the muddy shoes and Ashley snaps and tells her to mind her own clothes’s business, or whatever.
The next day, Hanna is parked outside of the Hasting House but can’t get in contact with Spencer. Mrs. DiLaurentis is gardening and calls Hanna over. Mrs. D. wants to have an in depth conversation about rose placement, but Hanna is clearly creeped out about something. She hears a noise and Mrs. D. leads her to a porch where there’s a parrot in a cage. It belonged to Grandma D and shared a room with Alison when she visited. And supposedly the bird sounds just like Alison, but um, it sounds like a parrot to me.
Ezra and Spencer are at school on Saturday working on her essay. He thought what she wrote was very moving, but he thinks submitting it would be a mistake, since it’s all about how her friend got murdered and she got bullied all the way to a mental break-down. Ezra tries to carefully explain why that might worry a selection committee, but Spencer gets a little intense as she’s all, “I JUST WANT TO BE MYSELF.”
Self-Defense Class. ARIA IS WEARING THOSE SNEAKERS THAT ARE ALSO HEELS. TO HER SELF-DEFENSE CLASS. (S: THIS IS THE ONLY THING I PAID ATTENTION TO IN THIS SCENE. WAS THERE MORE SCENE?) I mean, she’s probably wearing them because if Lucy Hale weren’t in heels, she’d be reciting her lines to Ryan Guzman’s navel. But still. Ridiculous.
Aria kind of hurts herself during a kick so Jake says they should take a break and review some blocking. Aria’s all, “KICKING! KICKING! KICKING!” and Jake explains that Tang Soo Do is all about defense. Aria’s all, “BUT KICKING! KICKING! KICKING!” Jake wonders if anyone is threatening Aria and her response is, “not right now.” Well, Jake is a newly introduced character and a boy at that, so maybe that’s just a matter of time.
Aria says that she’s small and an easy target, which is why she’s so concerned with the kicking. And, you know, the defense. Jake says that for this to work, Aria has to trust him.
Aria pretty much says no. Jake insists and the rest of this scene is about Jake knowing that Aria doesn’t feel safe and saying #deep things about her having to feel safe in her own skin before learning self-defense. I think there is some backwards logic there.
Hanna asks Mrs. D if she saw what was left of Ali when they found her beneath the gazebo. She vagues that seeing the yellow blouse was enough. This sends Mrs. D into an Ali!back in which they are having lunch together. Alison asks her mother if she can stay on the shore until Tuesday and invite the other Liars down for a sleepover. Mrs. D is all, “LOL. No.” because leaving five teenagers together in a rental property is not something she is going to do. Ali begs because their group is falling apart and summer is almost over. When her mother says no, Ali sets her lips and holds her breath. My sister used to do that. When she was two. She holds her breath until her mother gives in and says she can stay one night.
Sweeney: …is this the show’s way of ret-conning how Ali can have been buried and also still be alive? “She’s like SUPER good at holding her breath.”
Lor: OH MY GOD, I HOPE NOT. I think I will die if that’s an actual plot point.
In the present, Hanna says Ali never invited them to Cape May. Mrs. D isn’t surprised because all the beer bottles she later found suggested her daughter was running with an older crowd. The bird whistles and Mrs. D asks if Hanna knows anyone who wants a bird. I know who does! Plot or his friend Contrivance!
Jake goes over with Aria how to escape if someone attacks her from behind. Once they finish up the move, Aria launches herself and kisses Jake. She pulls back just as suddenly and apologizes. Jake doesn’t seem too worried about Aria kisses, but she rushes out just the same. In her car, Aria spots Mona across the way, outside of city hall, talking to a police officer. Aria pulls up beside her and yells that they are late. Mona gives her a, “what the heck are you doing?” look, but Aria tells her to hurry and get in the car. Mona does so.
After a not!commercial break, Aria yells at Mona for chatting up police officers in broad daylight in front of God, man and A. Mona says she did over hear some of the LOLPD talking loudly about a murder of an officer just behind her. Apparently, they found some of Wilden’s footprints in the woods, where they believe he was shot. They also found a second set of footprints belonging to a woman wearing high heels. “The kind Alison liked to wear.” Um, Alison and about 87% of all other women and a selection of men who rock it better than some of us can. (S: A+)
Spencer tears up her essay dramatically because it’s too honest. Problem is, she fears that if she doesn’t disclose this stuff, A will serve it up to the university for her. Spencer asks Toby why he’s there anyway and he admits that he moved the RV. A already knew where it was. Spencer yells at him for getting rid of the one thing that could help them. He knows that, but throws a transcript at her. I’m not imagining all of these hissy-fits, right?
Do you see how stupidly Keegan Allen throws that paper? It’s my favorite new thing.
Sweeney: I had just been thinking that he had come a long way as an actor – he was clearly hired solely for dem abs, but working primarily with Troian was good for him. And then he throws that paper like a fucking idiot. Oh well. It’s good to still have room to grow, Keegan. Things to strive for. Goals. Like paper throwing.
Lor: Anyway, the transcript is of the night Mama Cavanaugh killed herself.
Locker Room. Emily waits until she is alone to pop more pills. Except she’s not alone because no one in Rosewood ever is. Shana’s there and she asks why Hanna thinks she was friends with Wilden. Emily doesn’t like to talk before races, but that doesn’t stop Shana from blabbing away about how there’s one more spot on Stanford’s team and she wants it too. For some reason, that inspires Emily to take another pill once Shana is gone.
Hastings House. Spencer is reading the transcript aloud to Toby, who cries silently. Much better work than his paper throwing. Mama Cavanaugh spoke a lot about getting better and back to her son before she committed suicide and Toby doesn’t think that matches up. He thinks Radley is covering something up. Spencer doesn’t think they should trust information from A. Aria knocks on the door and Toby asks Spencer not to tell her or anyone. They hug a little bit before Toby takes off and Spencer lets Aria in.
Swim Meet. Emily jumps in the pool and we see through her Pill-o-Vision that things are looking hazy. She misjudges the distance to the wall and rams into it, head first, knocking herself unconscious. After a not!break, paramedics are wheeling Emily out. She’s dazed but there enough to lie about how she hurt her shoulder.
Aria is going on and on about Mona talking to cops and kissing Jake; Spencer can barely keep up. Hanna shows up with the bird and the girls aren’t impressed, especially since, despite her claims, Tippi isn’t saying much. Aria tells Hanna about the high heel prints and Hanna gets nervous. Tippi interrupts with, “hey board shorts. Miss me?” This is a strange scene to recap. Aria gets closer to the bird as Hanna pulls Spencer aside and tries to talk about what would happen if her mother was framed for murder. Spencer tells her not to worry, and I guess that’s the end of that conversation. Nice try, Han.
That night, Hanna asks her mom if she was, say, in a dark and scary wood at any point when she was supposed to be in New York. Ashley says that if the question is if she killed Wilden, the answer is no. That’s good to know, but that wasn’t actually the question.
Sweeney: “If the question you’re asking me is actually a different question, then I will answer this other question that I have just made up.”
Lor: Sweet interrogation strategy.
Hasting House. Tippi keeps whistling and making noise. Spencer has had it.
Spencer realizes something as she’s calling Hanna again: Tippi is whistling a phone number.
Montgomery Manse. Jake shows up and Aria is still wearing her sweaty class clothes. Girl, shower. Trust me on this one.
Jake shows up because he had a feeling Aria was planning on never showing up to class again. She took him by surprise with that kiss, but he is interested and invites her out on a date. He says that the teacher-student thing might be complicated and HAR HAR HAR, ABC FAMILY. This is less a joke and more a topic for Aria’s therapist to really delve into. Also, I’m not going to even think about how old Jake is. IGNORANCE IS BLISS.
Spencer calls Aria’s phone a few times so Jake says they can talk another time. Aria accepts his invitation to talk over coffee and he smiles, but doesn’t get any other details like a time or place or anything. I guess it helps that he (suspiciously) knows where she lives.
Emily confesses to Paige that she was swimming on painkillers and that she got the injury saving Aria and Mona from A. Hey! Remember that one time, thirty minutes ago, when she got that injury? Also. the gash on Emily’s forehead that supposedly needed stitches is now a tasteful dab of blood just at her hairline. Meanwhile, landing on a rock destroyed her whole life. TV injuries are weird.
Spencer is trying the number Tippi was singing but there is no answer. Aria and Hanna doubt Spencer’s parrot-to-number translation skills and want to go hear the song for themselves. Except, when they get upstairs, the cage is open, the window is open and Tippi is gone. Because even if the evidence is a living, breathing animal, these girls are going to lose it.
Marin Manor. Ashely is having some wine before she takes out her muddy heels, wraps them in newspaper and throws them away.
A-nonymous. A feeds Tippi chicken.
Next time on Pretty Little Liars: Hanna is determined to protect her mommy in S04 E03 – Cat’s Cradle.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
