Previously: The Gruesome Twosome got engaged.
—
The Shower
Ley: I’m starting off my recap with a Grand Proclamation of Love. Don’t worry, Ladies of Snark – you can keep your Seth Cohen, because I am all Ryan all the time. He can grab my face and movie star kiss me any day.
Like most episodes, we start off in the Cohen kitchen. While I love the Cohen house, this kitchen is far too small and ordinary for the setting. This always distracts me from what’s happening in the show. Where is the chandelier? Why is the room so small? And, most importantly, where is the 200 bottle wine cooler that you know Mama Cohen would have close by?
Sweeney: Kirsten Cohen is already my kind of lady, but your head canon version of her is even better.
Ley: The boys walk into the kitchen just as Kirsten is lamenting the upcoming nuptials of Julie and Caleb. Sandy’s Eyebrows enter the room and proclaim them the “Gruesome Twosome” and I couldn’t love him more. Sandy and Kirsten trade quips back and forth about Caleb’s less-than-stellar personality, before finally asking Ryan what’s going on with him and Marissa. They’re “really good” according to Ryan, which of course means that Seth has to ask about Theresa because why can’t Ryan just be happily part of a relationship with the craziest teenage girl to ever grace our television screens? Ryan proclaims them over, and Seth changes the subject to point out that in only 2 weeks Julie Cooper will become Sandy’s mother-in-law, and Seth’s grandmother. Yeah, that’s messed up. Even for The OC.
Sweeney: Insane, but also part of why I love Seth Cohen, because this observation was so completely necessary.
Ley: As if this opening scene wasn’t jam-packed enough, Theresa calls to secretly ask Sandy for his help, before showing us her black eye.
California here we come.
Kirsten is at work, and since Julie doesn’t understand what work is, she interrupts to discuss wedding details with her future step-daughter. Who is also her best friend, and neighbour. Somehow I managed to forget how weirdly intertwined the characters on this show are. And how weird it is that Julie is dressed like a mid-aughts teenager with her midriff hanging out.
Lorraine: Calling back to Seth’s amazing observation that his grandma wears Uggs. AND TRACK SUITS, SETH. And you’ll be able to see her belly a lot.
Ley: Every episode needs a party, and Julie wants Kiki to throw her a last minute bridal shower. Since Julie Cooper’s superpower is telling people what to do, she also informs Kirsten that she is going to be her maid of honour at the creepiest wedding of the year. Everything is planned already, so Kirsten agrees to show up, play host, and drink a lot.
Cut to Marissa and Ryan, at the student lounge that can only exist in The OC, discussing the bridal shower that Marissa clearly wants no part of. We find out the Marissa still hasn’t told her dad that she has been bribed by Caleb to live with him and Julie, before panning to Seth and Summer on the couch. (Sidenote: I know that Adam Brody married Leighton Meester and everyone is SQUEE about it, but in my mind he is married to Rachel Bilson and they had kids named after the various seasons.) (L: They had too many so there is both a Fall and Autumn.)
Summer’s dad calls, and it turns out that listening to Summer talk on the phone is the most irritating thing in the world. We find out that her dad is her best friend, and then Seth asks why he hasn’t met Summer’s family. Seth talks about his non-sexual vibe that parents eat up and OH MY GOD IS THAT REALLY WHAT GIRLS GO FOR? THE BUMBLING, NERDY “I’M SO SAFE YOUR DAD WILL LOVE ME” GUY? (S: YES, OK. LEAVE ME ALONE. I AIN’T GOT TIME FOR RYAN ATWOOD’S BROODING AND THE OPINION OF MY PARENTS IS VERY VALUABLE TO ME.) (L: There is an 87% chance that when Ryan meets your dad, he’ll have a black eye.) We also find out that Summer’s step-mom is at a “stress management” retreat (read: rehab), but then agrees to arrange lunch with her dad even though she clearly thinks it’s a bad idea. Seth quips that her dad will be eating out of the palm of his hand, and Summer pushes his face away. I would have done that 24 episodes ago, but I’m clearly not Seth’s target demographic.
Sandy meets with Theresa, and sees her black eye. Sandy immediately wants to know if Eddie is the one that beat her up, and Theresa makes excuses for him. She doesn’t want to leave him because it’s complicated, but she wants to know her options if he hits her again. Sandy lets her know it could be anything from getting a restraining order to jail time if she presses charges, and the shortest scene ever ends with Theresa looking like she’s going to vomit on the table.
Back at Casa Cohen, Summer tells Seth that they are having lunch with her dad tomorrow, and then gives him a list of instructions that makes me wonder if her dad is actually the King of a small country. Turns out he is a plastic surgeon, which also makes sense because them be crazy. Naturally, Seth has a witty remark for every order issued, and still I am left wondering why it is that people find him more attractive than Ryan. Also I am distracted by just how early-2000’s Summer’s rainbow necklace is.
The couples are double-dating at the Cohen house, and while the boys play video games Summer reminds us again that Seth will be meeting her dad tomorrow. Seth and Summer continue to be the most adorable G-rated couple while Marissa and Ryan watch, and the Cohen parents skulk outside in the kitchen. Sandy brings Kirsten up to speed about Theresa, and once again I’m left wondering how the rooms of this house are so damn small and close together. Wouldn’t Ryan hear them talking less than 100 feet away? There’s no door between the rooms! I just don’t understand the floor plan of this house.
Lor: I’m pretty sure Ryan got the best spot over in the poolhouse. They may be made of glass, but HELLO DOORS.
Ley: Kirsten finds out that Ryan doesn’t know about the latest Theresa drama just as he walks into the room. Kirsten is a terrible liar, but doesn’t spill the beans. Ryan leaves the room with a broody look on his face because he totally knows that she is hiding something, and I get the urge to ruffle his hair. Sandy and Kirsten take a swig of their respective boozy drinks before a not!commercial break.
Seth is having a hard time picking an outfit to wear to lunch with Summer’s dad, and Ryan continues to look broody. (S: Sometimes you just have to stick with what you’re good at.)
The doorbell rings, and it’s Marissa. Ryan tells her that Julie is in the kitchen, and Marissa tries to leave. Hey Marissa, you know that phone in your pocket? Maybe you should have used it to find out if the person you’re trying to avoid is at the house that you’re going to, especially since the unofficial wedding planner lives in the house. Ryan wants her to take the high road, and I actually had to pause the show to wipe away my tears of laughter and refocus. Ryan clearly has no idea that drama is Marissa’s middle name, which is a shame because it could have saved him 3 seasons of grief.
Sweeney: In Marissa’s defense (WHO AM I?) she’s a teenage girl with some super legitimate reasons to hate her mother’s guts. I can’t fault her for thinking the high road is totally overrated.
Ley: They join Kiki and Julie in the kitchen, and Marissa informs her mother that she is there for Kirsten and not her mom. Julie exits, and Kirsten puts Marissa to work on confirming the guest list. Marissa lets us know that Julie has no family that would want to come to the wedding, but Marissa has decided that inviting Aunt Cindy will be her revenge. Ryan and his perfectly tousled hair do not look pleased at the forthcoming sabotage.
Jimmy Cooper is holding a check from Caleb for $2.5 million, which is apparently double what him and Sandy had actually put into the restaurant. Caleb blames the business decision on being a man in love, and then leaves to help his fiancée pick out the linens for their rapidly approaching wedding. As if Caleb would ever help plan a wedding. Sandy and Jimmy know that Caleb is up to something, but Jimmy doesn’t care because now he has money again. Money fixes everything! (S: As a poor blogger, I have no reason to doubt this world view.) Sandy is disappointed that they aren’t actually going to be running a restaurant, and Jimmy tells him that now he has time to do what he loves best—like rescuing kids from Chino. Foreshadowing?
Lor: There is a girl out there who just had a taste of domestic abuse.
Ley: Kirsten is entertaining a middle-aged woman in pigtails that turns out to be Aunt Cindy. The contrivance fairies have Marissa and Ryan walk in right at this moment, and Marissa hugs her aunt. Turns out Aunt Cindy has been telling Kirsten stories about Julie, including something about poison oak and a Def Leppard phase. It’s ok, Julie, we’ve all had an unfortunate drunk-white-girl moment with Pour Some Sugar on Me. (L: Perhaps even those of us who aren’t, you know, white.) Kirsten finds out that Aunt Cindy and Julie haven’t spoken in 7 years, and Mischa Barton hides her face with a piece of paper instead of acting. More contrivance: Julie walks in right as Kirsten is asking to see Marissa alone in the kitchen. Once again Marissa’s mom is dressed more like a teenager than a middle-aged divorcee-turned-future-bride, and the feisty ginger is none too pleased to see her estranged sister. She’s even less impressed to find out that it was Marissa that invited her; Marissa and Ryan leave to pick up a cake because no teenager in this town has to face the consequences of their actions.
Sweeney: #meh. I’m still solidly Team Marissa on this entire scheme – this is hardly as low a blow as her mother deserves. Fuck Julie Cooper.
Lor: AGREED. She slept with her daughter’s ex-boyfriend and then threatened to put her in an institution rather than deal with the consequences. Whatever. Invite every unsavory relative there is, girl.
Ley: Seth is talking non-stop at his lunch with Summer’s dad. Topics include Christmukkah, comic books, and how awesome Summer is, and it’s more awkward than you can even imagine. Adam Brody sure knows how to play awkward well. (S: It was genuinely uncomfortable to watch.) Summer’s dad drinks a lot, and Summer looks like she wishes she had wine as well. Seth has already made a right arse of himself, and it turns out they haven’t even ordered lunch yet. Summer’s dad drains his glass of wine, and luckily we are spared the rest of this horrendous meeting.
Jimmy and Hailey are rehearsing what they are going to say to people about their mostly-physical relationship outside of the Cohen house when Hailey has the good sense to realize that now is not the time for her to bring up her affair with Jimmy. Jimmy leans in to kiss Hailey when the door is opened by Kirsten and Julie. Thank you, contrivance gods. Can this relationship be over now?
Marissa is pleased as punch at her mom’s anger over Aunt Cindy showing up in the OC, and Ryan is doing his best to disguise his discomfort with the whole situation. Ryan’s hair is unfortunately poofy in this scene, which once again reminds me that I would be a better hair fluffer than the person hired for this show. Marissa feeds a brownie to Ryan while they wait for the cake they are picking up, and Ryan tries to smush brownie in Marissa’s face.
After a not!commercial break, we find Kirsten reading the newspaper at her desk, and Sandy wearing very unfortunate board shorts. He couldn’t sleep, so he spent the early morning surfing. Because he is the best husband TV has ever seen, he brought Kirsten her favourite coffee and she swoons. Sandy lets us know that he might be late to the shower because he is going to Chino to visit Eddie. Kirsten reminds Sandy that his time could be better spent talking to Ryan or Theresa instead of Eddie so Sandy goes out to the pool house to talk to Ryan. Ryan is understandably pissed that he wasn’t brought into the loop, but Sandy didn’t tell Ryan because he didn’t want him to rush off and do him stupid like confront Eddie about hitting Theresa. We all know that Sandy made a wise decision because Ryan totally would have done the stupid thing. Theresa is on her way over because Sandy doesn’t want her running back to Eddie, and Sandy uses his Magical Eyebrows of Good Parenting to make sure that Ryan doesn’t do something stupid. Sandy Cohen will always be the best parent on tv.
Summer is getting ready for the bridal shower, and Seth shows up asking where her dad is. Seth asks if her dad said anything about their lunch, and Summer is noticeably annoyed with him. Seth keeps talking and doesn’t notice the telltale signs of an angry woman, and I am left to wonder, once again, how it is that so many girls lust after him.
Theresa is skulking around the Cohen house with her black eye, and eventually Ryan meets up with her beside the pool. I’m pretty sure that this was the scene that forever cemented my love of both Ben McKenzie and his acting skills, because dude can emote without even speaking. (S: Are we talking about the same Ben McKenzie?) (L: LOLOL.) Theresa is sorry that she didn’t tell Ryan, but she too thought that he would kill Eddie for knowing. She keeps saying that its her situation to figure out, which is a lie since she already involved Papa Cohen. Ryan wants to know if she is going to stay with Eddie, and her solution to him beating her is to take self defense classes. I feel like this shouldn’t need to be said, but no woman should need to take self defense classes in order to feel safe in her relationship. Theresa is going to stay with him because she’s tired of crying, and Ryan looks heartbroken.
The “classy” couples shower planned by Julie has random columns that support nothing with weird pink fabric and ivy wrapped around them, topped inexplicably with Oriental umbrellas. I can’t make this stuff up. Julie asks if it’s too early to start drinking, and Kirsten doesn’t mention that she started hours ago. Some random lady is telling Marissa that her mom will never have to worry about money again, and Marissa excuses herself from the conversation. Theresa follows her, leaving Ryan as the first person at the party to stand awkwardly with a drink. Aunt Cindy is telling Caleb stories about Julie as a teenager, and Julie intervenes before a story about Knott’s Berry Farm can be told, leaving Kirsten standing by herself. How bad can a story that involves Knott’s Berry Farm be?
We will never find out, because the camera cuts to Jimmy, with Hailey, as he awkwardly raises his glass at Kirsten. She chooses to walk away scowling rather than feel the full depth of this awkward moment. Julie has had enough of Cindy and sends her on her way, presumably to find a drink because no one in the OC is allowed be sober ever. Not to feel left out of the awkward action, Summer is trying to avoid Seth while he talks at length about their need to take yogilates classes together. SETH, YOU NEED TO LEARN WHEN TO STOP TALKING AND THEN STOP FIVE MINUTES BEFORE THAT.
Marissa is hiding in the catering tent when Theresa finally catches up with her. Theresa feels bad for taking Ryan’s attention away from Marissa, and tells her that he looks really happy right now. Mischa Barton looks like she is chewing on glass shards, while the girl who plays Theresa is flailing in an attempt to save the scene. Meanwhile, Aunt Cindy wants everyone at the party to play “How Well Do You Know Them” because she wants to embarrass Julie even more publicly than she already had been, and everyone continues to awkwardly drink.
Ryan catches up with Theresa and Marissa in the Catering Tent of Feels, and everything gets even more awkward, which shouldn’t be humanly possible at this point. The tension finally breaks when Theresa gets a call from Eddie, and Ryan tries to answer it. Ryan and Theresa fight because she is still talking to Eddie even though he has hit her multiple times and she clearly should have left him already, and Mischa Barton flounders on the sidelines trying to look concerned but instead looking vapid. She seriously has the most dead-behind-the-eyes look that I’ve ever seen on an actress.
Lor: Plus, her shoulders always look shrugged. Perpetual shrug.
Ley: Theresa thinks that Eddie isn’t a bad person, and Ryan finds out that this isn’t the first time that Eddie has hit Theresa. Suddenly everyone is storming off; Ryan to find Eddie, and Julie to avoid being further humiliated by her sister. Seth tries to stop Ryan from taking Marissa’s keys, but he is no match for Ryan’s glare and lets him go. Just as Ryan gets into Marissa’s car, Sandy walks up to the window and tries to pull the “I’m your guardian” card to stop him. It doesn’t work, and Ryan drives off. I need to pause for a moment to catch up on all of the emotions that have been expressed in the last two minutes.
Sweeney: There were a lot. There’s a reason this show has found its syndication home on SOAP Net.
Ley: Kirsten is settling the bill for the party when Jimmy walks up and tries to make small talk, but Kiki is having none of that. Jimmy thinks she is jealous of Hailey on account that they dated in high school, but Kirsten sets him straight—it isn’t jealousy, it’s that Hailey is using Jimmy to get back at Kirsten. Wow, Kiki, that’s incredibly self-centered. Jimmy informs her that it isn’t about her, and that what he has with Hailey is real. Kirsten promises to be happy for them instead of being suspicious, but it’s written on her face that she is lying.
Aunt Cindy sits down with Julie to apologize, and Julie accuses her of being a gold digger which is actually incredibly entertaining because I can tell the future and really, Mrs. Cooper, that’s rich that you’re calling someone a gold digger. We find out the never-to-be-mentioned-again back story of these two: Aunt Cindy and Julie were supposed to leave their town together, and Cindy is jealous that Julie left without her. Cindy misses her sister, and Julie looks like she wants to believe her but doesn’t. Caleb overhears them, and invites Cindy to the wedding. In a rare moment of genuine sweetness, Caleb tells Julie that there is nothing that could make him walk away from her.
Outside, Seth finds Summer and tries to talk about the lunch with her dad. Summer says that her and her dad are best friends, and he has never been wrong about the people in her life before. Seth doesn’t care, and rightly points out that the only thing that matters is that he is right for her. Apparently Summer doesn’t agree, because she runs off crying and that totally screams pre-breakup drama to me. Since Seth doesn’t understand teenage girls (and really, who does?), he just stands there looking like a puppy who’s bone was taken from him.
At the Cohen House of Unusual Proportions, Kirsten threatens to never throw a party again. She points out that nothing good ever happens at their parties, and thus verbalizes the number one plot point that the writers use to inject drama into this show. After Kirsten mentions that Hailey and Jimmy are officially a thing, Sandy looks at his ancient flip phone and wonders aloud if Ryan is on his way back to juvie yet. Because he has a penchant for proving The Eyebrows wrong, Ryan walks through the front door, free of handcuffs and not escorted by a uniformed officer. Instead, Theresa is in tow, and since the Cohens can’t say no to a teen in need, they invite her to stay as long as necessary.
Lor: In the pool house. While Ryan stays with Seth. BECAUSE THERE ARE NO GUEST ROOMS IN THIS MANSION.
Ley: While Kirsten moves Theresa into the pool house, Ryan stays behind to have a heart-to-heart with Sandy.
Sweeney: Sandy is always pure gold, but all the more so in this episode with the way that he handled everything to do with Theresa. I was surprised by how well this show handled Theresa’s whole situation. From a writerly standpoint, Theresa’s character probably suffers from the greatest what-age-is-this-character-even tomfoolery (and in that regard, Theresa’s status as a minor should have changed some things), but that aside, this was well done. I particularly liked Sandy’s repeated insistence that (a) this has to be Theresa’s choice -and- (b) that it’s never simple. Ryan’s rage, though understandable, wasn’t helpful, and I’m glad he finally came around to seeing that too.
Ley: Sunset falls, and Marissa comes to the door. Kirsten breaks the news the Theresa is moving into the pool house, and that Ryan loves Marissa. Very sweet, Mama Cohen. Ryan walks into Seth’s room to find him snuggling a toy horse (seriously, what?), and they both put on their broodiest faces. Ryan tries to apologize to Seth, but he sullenly points out that it should be Marissa receiving the apology. The shade that Ryan throws him at that comment is pure gold, and then he rolls his eyes. Seth brings Ryan up to speed on his current Summer woes, and then sends Ryan on his way to talk to Marissa.
Marissa is sitting pool side in a very confusing shirt when Ryan walks up. He apologizes, she accepts, and Marissa says that they will be fine after casting a sidelong glance at Theresa in the pool house. Snuggling (and a lot of arm stroking) commences, and roll credits.
Next time on The OC: The guys head to Vegas for Caleb’s bachelor party and it’s sufficiently awkward on S01 E26 – The Strip
I love bourbon, good books, sunshine, and Super Nibs. Digital marketing is my jam, and I can talk your ear off about all of the ways that the Google Machine both terrifies and intrigues me. I am Leslie Knope.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
