Previously: Meg dies, but her baby survives and is probably the next Slayer.
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Donut Run
Lorraine: Logan is heading up to the Billionaire Bros Bungalow. Before the elevator doors close, Veronica runs inside. Because it is a Logan/Veronica interaction, it’s been fully gifed for your viewing pleasure:
Lor: All that “Duncan is sad over the death of his ex and his new baby” exposition over, those two finally get upstairs. Veronica walks into Duncan’s room, with more sarcastic commentary from Logan in the background. It’s a little hard to keep track of Logan’s moods sometimes. He seemed a bit more softened to Veronica, but especially to Duncan who is letting him live in his penthouse. Basically? STFU LOGAN. Veronica finds Cordelia leaving Duncan’s shower. V asks what she’s doing and Cordelia says she was invited. Veronica storms off.
Logan asks Cordelia if she’s lost. She tells him not to look so smug because he’s just going to call her at 2am looking for some company and that doesn’t satisfy her. “Really,” Logan smarms. “You always come.” EW.
Neptune High Where You Can’t Avoid Dicks. (D: A+) Veronica is standing and staring. We can assume she isn’t having a Lillyback, so maybe she’s waiting for someone. Dick walks up behind her to tell her to let the Cordelia thing slide as the price you pay for dating a billionaire.
Democracy Diva: Also, Dick calls Veronica “Ronnie,” and it’s so weirdly hilarious. This is by far the most I’ve ever liked Dick. (Oof. That’s a sentence.)
Lor: Veronica tells Dick to move and he at least has the good sense to do so. Veronica finds Duncan and asks him where he was the previous day. He only gives vague answers, so Veronica asks about Cordelia, loudly enough that a group of her peers all tune into the confrontation. Duncan says Cordelia must’ve gotten the rooms confused, but she doesn’t believe him. Not anymore. “I’m nobody’s fool!,” she yells. Duncan sarcastically says that with Meg dead and a new daughter, this is the perfect time to make this all about her. She bites back that she’s his girlfriend and she’s the one who is alive. Duncan sighs a bit (Jesus the bad acting) and says, “not anymore.”
Cut to a closeup of Veronica’s hand as she picks out the soundtrack to The Virgin Suicides from her collection. Al Green’s “How Can You Mend a Broken Heart” starts playing. In the kitchen, Keith looks real happy about the sandwich he’s making, right up until he hears the emo tunes. (S: Emo tunes are not the mood music for a good sandwich. Rude, Veronica.) Back in her room, Veronica lies on her bed and has emotions. In the living room, Keith and Backup are hanging out. Veronica comes out to collect a container of cereal, a bowl and the whole jug of milk. I actually just had cereal for dinner. I support this always, because cereal is delicious, but also it’s a really good food for emotional eating. It lends itself well to shoveling.
Sweeney: Cereal: The Breakfast-and-Anytime Food of Emotional Crisis Champions.
Lor: The next morning, at 6:27, Keith is woken up by the “The Air That I Breathe.” Unable to ignore Depressed Fest, Keith lets himself into Veronica’s room and finds her removing pictures of Duncan from a couple frames. Keith’s already deduced the whole break-up thing, and lets Veronica know that he’s there for her.
Lor: A+
Billionaire Bros Bungalow. Weevil tells Logan that either Hector or Bootsy stabbed Felix. That person is also the one doing business with the Fitzpatricks, namely drug dealing. Weevil asks if Logan knows anyone and Logan says he’ll handle it.
Depressed Fest. Backup licks Veronica’s face as “I Don’t Want to Wait,” plays. Crossover Magic at its finest because (1) We cover both shows and (2) Rob Thomas wrote for Dawson’s Creek and (3) Dawson is the king of wallowing. (S: A+ to the show for the magic and to you for that list.) (D: I cannot describe how hard I hit the caps lock button when this song started playing.) “Wallowing” is what Veronica says she’s doing when Wallace comes in and tells her to get up and shower and smell less bad. Also he’s got a ticket for the next basketball game, allowing Veronica to exposit that he only came back to Neptune because his high school in Chicago already had basketball tryouts. Wow. Sucks to be Wallace’s mom.
Keith calls Veronica into the living room and he’s waiting by the front door with Don Lamb. Duncan has gone missing with Slayer Baby. Veronica looks shocked, but Don doesn’t buy it. He arrests her for aiding the kidnapping.
Diva: Also, and I shit you not, THE BABY’S NAME IS FAITH. BECAUSE SHE’S THE SLAYER. I am going to overdose on this crossover magic.
Lor: COME ON NOW SUGAR! (Seriously, these can’t be rightly called “teasers” anymore.)
Line-up of various blondes and just over the 5′ 0” mark is Veronica.
Cut to Veronica in an interrogation room. Cliff and Keith sit in front of her and tell her she was picked out of a line-up by a merchant who claims she sold some earrings that belonged to Celeste Kane for $80,000, money Lamb thinks Veronica used to help Duncan kidnap the baby. Veronica jokes about Lamb being tired after so much thinking and Keith slaps the table and tells her to get the serious about the kidnapping charges she’s facing. Veronica explains that she did sell the earrings at Duncan’s request because they had a plan to get custody legally, but needed money to do so. Keith tells Veronica she’s going to cooperate with Lamb.
Diva: Can we call bullshit on an unsupervised billionaire teen needing to sell his mom’s earrings for lawyer money? DUNCAN LIVES IN A PENTHOUSE. And he’s somehow managing to feed and clothe himself, so he must have access to his trust fund or some other amount of disposable income. Or at least an AmEx black card. Check out of the hotel and couch-surf for a month and make a tiny little dent in that fund and boom, legal fees acquired.
Lor: Cut to V in the sheriff’s office, joined also by Celeste Kane and Vinnie Vanlowe. Celeste is convinced that Veronica knows where Duncan is and if she doesn’t cooperate, she wants V prosecuted for the theft of her jewellery. Veronica asks what Vinnie is doing there, though it’s probably obvious that Celeste has hired him to help fund Duncan. Lamb makes disparaging remarks about PIs and Celeste gets up to leave. Veronica tells her it must be weird to now be hoping Lamb is competent, rather than betting he isn’t. BURN. Celeste says she takes comfort in knowing the baby isn’t Veronica and V snits, “let’s hope she’s got your smile.” Vinnie follows after Celeste when she leaves, but not before making more “private eyes are watching you” hand gestures. Both Vinnie and Celeste take too much pleasure in hating on this barely-an-adult.
Sweeney: This is a Traumaland-wide problem. I don’t understand how fictional adults have so much energy to spend on being petty with teenagers. Look at your lives. Look at your choices.
Lor: Now alone, Lamb hands Veronica a piece of paper and tells her to start writing down everything she knows about Duncan’s fake IDs, favorite restaurants, anyone who would put him up in a vacation home, etc. Veronica asks if Lamb really thinks Slayer Baby would be better off with the Mannings, perhaps trying to appeal to that little bit of humanity she saw in him. It doesn’t work. Lamb says he should’ve busted him and now his “ass is in a sling” if he doesn’t find Duncan. Veronica isn’t going home until the pad is full and if she leaves anything off, Lamb’s going to make it his mission to put her in prison.
Diva: Wait, what happened to the child abuse case against the Mannings? Why would they be allowed to get custody of this baby while under investigation for straight-up torturing the kid they already have? I would understand some sort of “oh they’re rich so they got out of it” explanation, but the show didn’t even offer one.
Lor: It seemed to me that Meg was communicating with CPS, but perhaps not openly. She lied about the gender of the child and never disclosed who the parents were. Beyond that, Lamb isn’t going to do anything about it, obviously.
Bungalow. Dick and Logan are playing a beach volleyball game. All casually, Logan asks Dick to try to buy some Ecstasy from a couple of PCHers for him. Dick quickly agrees and then keeps making his sexist comments at the video game. Logan smiles at his buddy and says he isn’t complicated, is he? “Try not to be,” Dick responds, without taking his eyes off the TV. Points for being self aware.
Veronica’s done writing stuff for Lamb. She hands the pad over and leaves only to find Vinnie waiting for her in the hallway. He asks again where Duncan is and Veronica says again that she doesn’t know. And, even if she did know, he’d be the (she counts on her fingers here) last person she’d tell. Vinnie quips about her telling Osama Bin Laden before him. #2006jokes
Vinnie offers her $5,000 for the information and jokes that he’ll even throw in a free set of steak knives. Veronica makes hand gestures I’m assuming are like fake sign language (?) and says she doesn’t know where Duncan is. Veronica leaves, but comes back into the frame just a second later as Vinnie “dropped his pen” in her bag. Vinnie denies it but she reads the pen: Sugar’s Cabaret Invitational Long Ball Championship. She uncaps it and finds a bug. Vinnie says he’s going to have the baby back in 72 hours and she’s going to really wish she had those knives. I’m betting she’s really wishing she had them right now, Vinnie.
Computer Class. The gym teacher is doubling as a computer teacher and is holding something he’s calling Search Engine Olympics. Not as cool as our Questionable Google Search of the Day, but okay. He asks the class for the varsity basketball team’s record in district play. Veronica types “Wallace Fennell” in the search engine and VVO tells us that she kills in this game, because while all of her classmates are Neptune High and getting tons of hits, she narrowed her search to Wallace. Except that now she’s found records for some games Wallace played in Chicago, meaning he lied about why he came back. Thank God because that was a miserable excuse.
Sweeney: And this was a really clunky way to out him, show.
Lor: Hallway. Dick finds Logan and tells him that Bootsy did not have the goods. In fact, he suggested Dick, “perform sexual intercourse upon [his] own person.” Logan jokes that if that were possible, Dick would never come to school. Dick does not deny that. Point is: Hector did give him the drugs and charged him double for being an 09er. Logan writers Hector’s name on the box and then bumps into Weevil to disguise the pass off.
Lamb is talking to a patrolman at the Mexican border. He thinks that if Duncan crossed it was before they knew the baby was missing. So maybe they could stop looking now. Lamb doesn’t think Duncan’s left the states yet, but he’ll think about scaling back the searches. Patrolman thanks him as the camera shows us that the traffic at the border is not bad at all. It’s just a dozen people honking like assholes. (S: YOU’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE ANY FASTER FOR YOUR HONKING. Also, coming back from Mexico at that crossing takes hours so suck it up and get used to it, assholes. You’re crossing an international border.) Sacks interrupts Lamb’s phone call to tell him that he has company in the form of the FBI.
Lamb hangs up with Patrolman and tries to look busy as Sacks ushers in two FBI agents. One of them is a black man and the other is Xena, Warrior Princess. (S: And wife of Ron Swanson! But mostly Xena, Warrior Princess.) (D: YAY TO ALL OF THIS.) They make an intimidating pair and 75% of that is Lucy Lawless. Agent Xena introduces herself and her partner Agent Wills. She says they are going to share resources up until Lamb pisses them off. “And when that time comes — and it usually comes quickly in Sleepyburg or World’sBiggestBallOfStringsville or wherever the hell we are this week — when that time comes, we will cut you out like you were a meter maid.” I love Agent Xena already! She tells Lamb to repeat after her. She says, “team” and Agent Wills holds his hands about shoulder high and wide. She says, “me” and Wills drops his hands down and in, creating a narrower space. Lamb repeats obediently and I only wish Veronica were here to see this.
And here she is! Veronica asks a deputy I promise IMDb has listed as “Super Huge Deputy.” I wondered if we were supposed to know him and I discovered that little gem. Super Huge tells Veronica that Lamb is in with the FBI. He correctly identifies her as Veronica Mars and shares that he’s supposed to keep an eye on her. That’ll be easy because Veronica takes a seat in front of him. Super Huge randomly tells Veronica that he moonlights as a bouncer at Club Thin and if she ever wants to over achieve at some under-aged drinking, he can get her in. Thanks, Super Huge! I hope that information comes in handy later.
Sweeney: CLUNK, CLUNK. Your plot machine is mighty noisy today, writers.
Lor: Super Huge tells Lamb that Veronica is there to see him. Xena asks, “the girlfriend?” And Lamb clarifies, “the ex-girlfriend” and it was a messy break-up from what he hears, because he’s totally in tune with the Neptune High gossip mill. Lamb tries to warn the FBI agents about our girl:
I think in that moment, Lamb is kind of hoping they can’t handle her. I think he might be rooting for Veronica just a little. (S: And it’s fantastic to watch.) (D: Actual best.)
Interrogation Room. Veronica is reading a magazine. “Nick and Jessica. Is nothing scared?” Xena and Wills make cracks about calling in for back-up. Veronica tells them that Duncan had a dotMac account to backup his laptop. Wills says they’ll get a warrant to search it. Sacks calls to Lamb that border patrol is on line one. Veronica says they shouldn’t bother since Duncan hates Mexico. Lamb calls her Brer Rabbit and then answers the phone to make sure border patrol does not ease up on the searches. Lamb asks why Veronica doesn’t wait in the hall. “Why don’t you?” Veronica asks and Xena smirks. Lamb threatens her with a cell so off Veronica goes. Alone now, Lamb makes remarks about maybe joining the FBI and Xena is basically all, “yeah, don’t quit your day job.”
PCH Official Meeting. Weevil confronts Hector, who swears he isn’t in business with the Fitzpatricks. He says a desperate 09er came to him looking for drugs so he bought the E off one white dude and sold it to the other. Weevil demands the name of the white drug dealer.
Sacks tells Veronica the FBI agents are into Duncan’s computer and need her help. In the interrogation room, Veronica notes the quick turnaround. Xena says it was two hours to get the warrant and ten minutes to break the password: Meg Kane spelled backwards. Xena asks about Duncan’s sailing ability and Veronica tells them that he’s been sailing his whole life. Duncan bookmarked a boat for sale and the seller confirmed he sold to a teenaged boy who bought in cash. The Coast Guard has spotted the boat and they put the call on speakerphone. The boat is empty but there are dirty diapers and empty cans of Spaghetti-Os on board. Xena wonders about mental issues, but Veronica catches her drift and says Duncan didn’t kill himself. He’s still on the run.
Cut to Veronica leaving her apartment complex. She doubles back toward a van parked just outside of it and slides the door open, only to find Vinnie with a pair of binoculars. She greets him with a, “mornin’ Sam,” and he actually gives her back a, “mornin’ Ralph.” Veronica reminds him that he’s supposed to be looking for Duncan. In fact, she passes a letter she’d like him to give Duncan. The outside is marked “personal & confidential.” One second after Veronica walks away, Vinnie opens it and smiles at whatever he reads inside.
Diva: During this scene, Vinnie is eating the world’s largest fritter, and for some reason, it brings me endless joy.
Lor: Because fritters are delicious.
Neptune High Bathroom That Isn’t Veronica’s Office. Weevil greets the butler’s son and says they both have family in the domestic staffing industry. Plus, Weevil steals cars and Shaun sells drugs. “I can hardly tell where you end and I begin.” Shaun thinks he gets it and asks what Weevil wants. Weevil asks for the name of his supplier, specifically if it’s the Fitzpatricks. Shaun says he isn’t that dumb and leaves.
Logan exits one of the stalls and suggest that maybe the PCHer involved with the Fitzpatricks is the one who’s dead. Weevils asks if Logan remembers two Fitzpatricks who were seniors their freshman year. Logan recalls they were like “seventh-year seniors.” They only stuck around so long to keep the high school drug trade alive. Once the school wised up and expelled them, Weevil’s predecessor “Reaper Gus” took the business over. And then he disappeared. Why was Gus nicknamed “Reaper?” Because his last name is Toombs; he was Felix’s older brother. So, no, Weevil does not at all think that Felix was involved with the Fitzpatricks.
Lunchtime. Veronica presents Wallace with a printout of his awesome game stats from Chicago. Wallace confesses that his teammate, Rashard Rucker, is the best high school player in the nation. One night, they were at a party and had a few beers. On the drive home, Rashard hit a person and though Wallace told him to stop, kept going all the way to his uncle’s house. Wallace couldn’t deal with the guilt of the hit and run so he came home. Veronica says Wallace could’ve told her from the beginning, but he didn’t because she would’ve stayed and done the right thing. He’s embarrassed that he didn’t.
Sweeney: I want to give Wallace a hug. Like I do 92% of always.
Lor: Post-lunch, Veornica’s phone rings and it’s Duncan. We don’t hear too much of his end of the conversation, but we do hear her tell him that he has to turn himself in. Duncan hangs-up and and we cut to the sheriff’s office where Xena and Wills have tracked the call to Big Bear. Lamb wants to get going but Xena says he won’t be needed.
Veronica’s fumbling with her keys outside her apartment. She takes a long look around and rushes to the adjoining door. She lets herself in and… DUNCAN’S THERE. They kiss and Veronica tells him it’s time.
Diva: NO. VERONICA. STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND FIND A SASSY GAY FRIEND IMMEDIATELY.
Lor: After a Not Break, Veronica and Duncan coo a bit over Slayer Baby. Veronica says they are doing the right thing, but there isn’t much conviction in her voice. She tells Duncan that everyone bought the ruse with Kendall and the boat. I’m not sure I understand what the ruse with Kendall was. Did he sleep with her for this purpose? (S: I assumed it was just as simple as asking her to be there and possibly naked at a time when Veronica and Logan would both be there, in order to setup the big public breakup.) The FBI is heading to Big Bear so they have to get moving. After this, they’ll never be able to see each other or talk to each other again. Duncan says goodbye and that he loves her. Always has and always will. Probably even during that brief period of time they thought they were blood related.
Sacks tells Lamb that they got a hit off of Veronica’s ATM card at a Mexican hotel. Lamb gets really excited at bringing back the prize and then rubbing it in Xena’s face.
Keith is out of toilet paper. He heads into Veronica’s room and grabs a roll from inside a small cabinet. He pauses when he notices that there’s a vent, probably accessible from the apartment next door. Good for passing bowls of cereal never meant for 1 person. Inside the cabinet, Keith finds some diapers. He’s pissed. He calls Veronica as he goes quickly through her things. He finds the file on Meg’s abusive parents, complete with the handwriting sample from Gracie. Keith reaches Veronica’s voice mail and does his best to keep his voice even as he says he needs to see her at home ASAP for “daddy-daughter” time.
Sweeney: This was a nice touch. I remember being initially confused by why he remained so calm before realizing that he’s smart enough to realize (and also clearly smarter than me) that he didn’t want to risk creating incriminating evidence in the form of this voicemail. Well done, Papa Mars.
Diva: An incredible moment of awesome parenthood and straight-up brilliant thinking. This is why we love Keith.
Lor: Wallace is leaving school and a man is waiting for him by his car. He’s a reporter from the Chicago Statesman. He’s pieced together the whole hit and run incident and asks Wallace what kind of man he plans on being.
Border. Lamb is stuck in the line but as soon as he gets to the front, the Patrolman waves him forward. (D: While we were stuck staring at the back of Lamb’s car, I found myself hoping that Veronica hid herself in his trunk. Because that would be all kinds of brilliant.) Lamb heads to the place where Veronica’s ATM card was swiped. A sign tells us, “American also spoken.” Lamb shows Duncan’s picture to a worker who says he hasn’t seen him, but they all look the same to him. Lamb is not amused, so more seriously, the worker tells him to try the restaurant up the road.
Veronica finds Keith sitting in her room. Veronica asks if he read the emails. They were about the Mannings. Keith says that he wouldn’t be able to survive without Veronica. He knows she thought this was what she had to do, but she played him. It wasn’t just lies of omission, but she played him, sappy music charade and all. Keith says he loves her, and always will, but he doesn’t know how he’ll ever trust her again.
Sweeney: This whole scene burns. It makes sense that Veronica cut him out, both because he wouldn’t likely have approved and to afford him plausible deniability in all this. Still, fuck. Papa Mars feels for days and days. It’s automatically upsetting to see him upset.
Diva: I am fully on Team Keith. This is by far and away the stupidest fucking thing Veronica has ever done. Maybe I have no sensitivity to this plot line because I still don’t understand why the Mannings are allowed to have this baby in the first place, but I still think there were other options left besides KIDNAPPING. This is a life-ruining kind of mistake. (But I still got teary at this scene, because I’m not a heartless cow.)
Lor: I’m Team Keith too and also do not understand the baby-napping.
There’s a knock on the door and Keith answers for Xena and Co. They have a warrant. Keith asks if this is necessary. Xena says there was no sign of Duncan at Big Bear, but the manager did show a place to a “cute blonde.” MUST BE VERONICA. Plus, they found a tape recorder with the Duncan’s portion of the phone conversation we heard earlier. Veronica starts to freak out as one of the agents gets closer to her cabinet in the wall. When he opens it, though, there is nothing inside and the vent is covered in foil. Veronica sneaks Keith a small smile. Xena calls them both very cool, but kidnapping charges do not go away. (S: OR DON’T THEY?)
Weevil is getting a tattoo done and the artist is all, “oh, hey! By the way! I want to give you something.” It’s a drawing of a piece Felix was going to get on his chest attacked to the picture it was based on. It’s a girl. Molly Fitzpatrick. Logan called it!
Mexico. At the restaurant, Lamb is asking a surfer dude I almost wanted to say was Corny about Duncan. Other Corny says he directed that dude to a grocery store down the road. As Lamb leaves, Other Corny asks if he has jurisdiction down here. A Very Good Question. Outside, Lamb drives past three hitchhikers. He goes over some rail road tracks and his trunk pops open. He gets out of the car and finds he’s got a trunk full of empty water bottles and eaten Lunchables. Lamb is as horrified as he should be. He got played. (S: For what it’s worth, Lamb, so did Keith. And the FBI. You’re in good company.)
Diva: I, however, did not get played, because I AM SO FUCKING PSYCHIC YOU GUYS!
Lor: GIVING GOOD TV LIKE ALWAYS.
Back at the restaurant, one of the hitchhikers is actually Duncan in a blond wig and straw hat. A pick-up truck pulls up across the street and Duncan heads over. Driving is Vinnie Vanlowe. Next to him is Astrid, Celeste’s assistant we met when Veronica thought she might be the bathroom baby. Duncan pays Vinnie $30,000 and climbs in the truck. Astrid is holding the Slayer Baby. She notes that baby won’t let go of her finger. Duncan guesses baby probably thinks she’s Veronica. Astrid says the people up at Big Bear think so too. Duncan grabs his baby and greets her. He’s renamed her Lilly.
They drive off to some sweet tunes (S: “Adelaide” – the second Old 97’s song used in this episode alone.) and we see Lamb pass them going in the opposite direction. Veronica is sad at the beach. Duncan kisses Lilly on the forehead. In her room, Veronica sadly considers a fortune and then puts in up on her mirror. The Lotto numbers beneath it are the Lost numbers, which is funny, but also takes a little bit of the sentiment out of the moment. If the fortune about your love also has the Lost number on it? Maybe it was time to let it go anyway.
I have a feeling this is an episode better enjoyed when it isn’t under scrutiny. The biggest issue to me is the lack of Duncan and Veronica chemistry, closely related to the issue of Teddy Dunn’s acting. Duncan and Veronica’s relationship was strained for a while and it’s never addressed; they just jump into risking time in prison together. We suspend disbelief for a lot of things here, but it’s a little more difficult for me to do here, with a baby kidnapping plot. It’s called a paternity test: learn about it.
Sweeney: I’m not sure a paternity test is quite adequate here, but certainly Duncan has money and lawyers of his own to fight the Mannings, and surely doctors who can attest to his epilepsy being under control. He definitely had other options.
The ending of their relationship was pretty hasty, but I don’t mind. Rob Thomas has been pretty open about the fact that fan reaction drove some of the writing decisions re: Veronica’s love life. I have a whole host of problems with that, but that’s for another day. Teddy Dunn is a shitty actor, and their relationship kind of had to end because he simply couldn’t sell it and it just made for poor, unwatchable TV. Still, I’m glad Duncan got to go out without some sort of all-out character assassination. It’s clumsy, but I’ll take it.
As for the rest, the episode is fun, but rather clunky in several places.
Lor: It may have not been as simple as a paternity test, but it’s a start. It’s relatively easy to get done and courts typically favor the father rather than any other family. That’s not really even the point. The point is that they show us none of this in between stuff AND JUMP STRAIGHT TO BABY-NAPPING.
I also think this episode is best on first watch when you don’t know the twist? But I’ll let our Snow confirm.
Diva: This episode was a big bag of nope for me. It required you to swallow a metric shit-ton of contrivance and still didn’t justify why our hero was making such massively idiotic mistakes. Obviously Teddy Dunn’s acting is consistently awful, but Sweeney’s comment that “he definitely had other options” was kind of the thesis of this episode for me. Stop jumping to the nuclear option, people.
Next time on Veronica Mars: Wallace is framed for the hit and run in S02 E12 – Rashard and Wallace Go to White Castle.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
I'm a J.D. by day/blogger by night who directs her snark and judgment primarily towards celebrities and their many red carpet mishaps. Blogging from the style capital of the world (just kidding - I live in DC), I rant and rave over the best and worst in fashion and pop culture.
