Veronica Mars S02 E12 – Pointless biblical asides

Previously: We got mad at Veronica for making the world’s worst choices, but at least we got rid of Duncan!
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Rashard and Wallace Go to White Castle

Democracy Diva: We open with a threatening knife. No, just kidding, it’s a happy knife, because it’s cutting cake, and cake is delicious. Veronica is trying to comfort-feed Wallace, because he has just implicated Rashard Rucker in a manslaughter. And they’ve said like eighty times (okay, twice) that Rashard Rucker = Lebron James, but I guess this was back when Lebron was a baby basketball star and not taking his talents to Miami. (Did I just accurately reference sports?) (L: Possibly! All I know is that he has since left Miami…) Wallace insists he’s fine, but Veronica is all, my ex-boyfriend just left town with his dead ex-girlfriend’s vampire slayer baby so, just let me take care of you so I don’t have to think about that.

Sweeney: It was a magical day in my life when I realized that instead of baking/eating my feelings I could bake/force feed others with my feelings. LET ME LOVE YOU, SO I DON’T EAT ALL THE COOKIES ON MY OWN.

Lorraine: I’m not sure I like what it says about me as a person that I’m sitting here thinking, “sharing? Sharing SWEETS?”

Diva: Some things are too good to share.

Sheriff’s Office. Keith tells Inga (possibly my favorite minor recurring character for no reason at all) that he’s being audited and needs some documents. While she goes to look for them, Keith encodes a new key card to the evidence room, based on what Lamb and Sachs told him in the last episode. Then he does a little evidence room breaking-and-entering. You know, like criminals do. He snags a few tapes, hides them in his book, and bounces. Marses – STOP MAKING SUCH TERRIBLE LIFE CHOICES. (L: Maybe in about 30 episodes. When we finish the series.)

Neptune High, where Veronica is wearing this adorable green sweatshirt that I REALLY want. V expresses shock that Wallace hasn’t been trashed by the press yet, for trying to ruin Rashard’s bright future and other things the media says when young sports stars are accused of committing crimes. (L: THE VICTIM DID IT! That homeless person was totally asking for it!)

Weevil approaches a blonde girl named Molly. As in Molly Fitzpatrick. He shows her an adorable photo-booth strip of her and Felix, and wants to know if Felix was working with her family’s gang. Molly insists the Fitzpatricks never knew she was dating Felix, or they would have killed them both. They used to meet at church, which Weevil calls “the only place the micks and the spics ever get together without someone getting punched.” This is possibly the best line Weevil’s ever uttered. I sort of feel like they wrote in this Irish mafia just so they could use this line. Anyway, most of Molly’s brothers are in the gang, but one of them is a priest at St. Mary’s church.

In the middle of the night, Wallace’s phone rings. It’s Nathan, who I think is the reporter we met in the last episode. (S: Nathan is his biological father who he lived with in Chicago.) (D: Oops. Blogging five days after watching the episode is hard, you guys.) He tells Wallace that Rashard is going to pin this on him – he’s claiming Wallace was driving the car during the hit-and-run. Well, fuck.

C’MON NOW SUGAR!

Veronica is PISSED that Rashard is trying to make Wallace take the blame.

Lor: I love this little play of how Veronica and Wallace are different. I’m not quite sure if we’ve ever seen it so clearly but Veronica is taking the firm, “everyone sucks!” position and Wallace the, “maybe if I explain…” position. CUTE YOU TWO, with your jaded/innocent ways.

Diva: Jackie approaches, all butt-hurt that Wallace never called her back when he was in Chicago. Jackie wants them all to hang out this weekend, like she didn’t totally try to ruin Veronica’s life via a local-access televised psychic that one time. Wallace says he’s busy, but that the girls should hang out. Veronica says nothing, making it clear that she isn’t over that whole psychic bullshit either.

Wallace meets with Cliff, who exposits that he has to self-surrender in five days or be arrested. Wallace sees the glass as half-full – if he can clear his name in the next few days, he can still play in the Big Game against their rivals. Because no high school show is complete without a reference to a Big Game that no one actually cares about. (S: This one is actually sort of self-referencing – it’s the Pan High game, Pan High being the school Veronica faked being a student at the previous year with all that mascot craziness.) Anyway, Veronica heard that if she wants to get a hold of Rashard, she should stake out the booster club event. My notes here state that “swanky” girls like to loiter there, but that’s fully an autocorrect issue, because I definitely wrote “skanky.”

Wallace leaves and Keith tells Veronica to destroy a file because the parties involved reconciled. She starts shredding photos, but stops when one catches her attention. It’s a photo of Terrence Cook (Jackie’s father) and Naima from America’s Next Top Model, AKA the teacher who died in the bus crash. Veronica tells Keith about Terrence’s gambling issues. She also admits that she did something Keith won’t approve of during the election (though at least it wasn’t kidnapping), and she has a tape he should hear.

Lor: He’s got a bit of judge-y face on right now and it’s hilarious because he started this episode stealing evidence. Tapes, in fact.

Diva: Penthouse of Odd Couples, where Logan and Weevil are crime-solving. I must say, this is my favorite ridiculous buddy cop/odd couple pairing since Arya and The Hound.

Anyway, Weevil is suspicious of Father Patrick Fitzpatrick, whose name is maybe the worst thing I’ve ever heard. He once did six months for assault, and Weevil thinks he’s still in the game, using the church to deal drugs. As Weevil leaves, we see someone in the hallway outside the Penthouse. He knows Weevil and Logan are lovers working together on something.

Booster Party O’Skanks. Two such ladies are attached to Rashard, and he invites them into his limo. Veronica is in the front seat with the driver, clearly planning nefarious things for Rashard, but a truck backs up and blocks them in. This leaves time for Rashard’s uncle/manager/life-ruiner to catch up, kick out the girls, and lecture Rashard about gold-diggers. Veronica calls Wallace to be like, uh, our plan just got ruined, but he doesn’t pick up. The limo pulls into the hotel garage, and Wallace taps on the window as per their plan, before Veronica can stop him. Uncle-Manager is all, back the fuck up from my nephew or I will ruin you.

Lor: Veronica’s plans only work perfectly when they involve getting Teddy Dunn off the show.

Diva: They drive off, and Veronica has no further plan besides hitting the drive-thru for some burgers. Suddenly, Wallace remembers that they went to White Castle a few minutes before the hit-and-run. (How convenient that that didn’t occur to him until now!) This means they have a potential witness – the drive-thru clerk – to the fact that Rashard was driving. The clerk even got his autograph. And maybe there’s even a security tape, if they’re lucky.

Terrible Karaoke at Veronica’s Restaurant Night. I didn’t understand this scene the first time it happened – guy sings terribly, other guy sings great, terrible singer’s girlfriend weeps over great singer – and I definitely don’t understand why it’s happening now.

Sweeney: It’s a follow-up to the ridiculous ode-to-the-Google-searching-super-fan karaoke scene in Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang. The first guy, Lars, sang terribly to his girlfriend as a set-up for Dandy Warhols lead signer Courtney Taylor-Taylor. This go-round Lars is followed up by the lead singer of Spoon, another band whose music is used all. the. time. on this show. The scene serves no plot function whatsoever and exists solely to bait trivia-loving super fans. Like me. And it clearly worked. Womp.

Diva: Yeah, I half-remembered that background information, but it still feels like a scene from a different show entirely. Anyway, Weevil is there, and Logan is sitting at the next table, pretending that they’re not having a conversation with each other. Weevil asks Veronica to bug the confessional at St. Mary’s church. This is actually where Veronica draws the line. Kidnapping is totally fine, but apparently, audio-visual evidence of a confessional is evil. She agrees to do video, but not audio, because that’s only half of a serious invasion of privacy!

   

Sweeney: Unlike that time that she bugged the high school guidance counselor’s office, at a time when she knew they’d be revealing exceptionally private thoughts and feelings. OK, VERONICA. OK.

Diva: YES. THIS.

Mars House. Keith is listening to tapes of Lamb interviewing people about the bus crash. Dick explains that the bus smelled (like poor people), and of course he knows Curly, the mechanic who worked on his dad’s car. Cassidy also remembers the bad smell, and also knows Curly as a mechanic. When Veronica gets home, Keith posits that maybe they were attaching too much symbolism to the dead rat. Maybe it was just there to smell bad enough to drive anyone who could afford another ride off of the bus. Maybe they weren’t targeting Veronica after all.

Neptune High. Wallace and Veronica discuss Guy, the White Castle clerk, who hasn’t been to work for three days. He’s disappeared, and so has the surveillance video. Looks like somebody got a hefty paycheck to keep quiet about Rashard.

After the not-break, we’re in a Catholic church so Veronica can spy on mostly innocent people (and some guilty people). She makes a big show of lighting a candle and apologizing for what she’s about to do, which doesn’t really count when you just go and do it anyway. (S: TOTALLY SORRY, but, like, not sorry enough to not do it.) (L: Even the older lady praying next to her gives her, “bitch, no. You’re doing it wrong,” face.) She attaches the video camera into the confession booth and the priest is already on the other side of the screen. (Sorry if my lingo is off, but this Jew hasn’t been to confession in quite awhile. Like, ever.) She confesses that she does bad things to bad people, because she wants them to be punished. He waxes Biblical about overcoming evil with good instead of more evil. I mostly just want to tell her to stop stealing babies and her soul will probably be okay.

Lor: He uses one of my favorite Bible verses, but probably not in the way you would think. We used to always make fun of my little sister, saying she only knew two Bible verses: “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” for when she did something wrong and “vengeance is mine, I will repay, saith the Lord,” for when people pissed her off. This has been a pointless aside.

Diva: All I know about the New Testament is that the shortest sentence in it is “Jesus wept.” #funfacts

Veronica and Wallace head to a frat party, so they can blend in and surprise-interrogate Rashard. Except it’s a black fraternity, so Veronica’s going to have a bit of trouble blending in. Wallace heads in alone, and immediately finds Rashard and pulls him aside. He urges Rashard to do the right thing and Rashard parrots his Uncle’s shit about how he has so much on the line and all that crap. Later, Jackie hits on Rashard right in front of Wallace, and it’s a low blow. Wallace loses it, and wants Jackie to leave the party with him. Rashard’s bros throw Wallace into a closet, and Jackie tells Rashard they should go to a club in Hollywood. From outside, Veronica watches them leave together.

Back inside, Rashard’s Uncle magically appears to kick Wallace out of the party. He demands to know where his nephew is, and Wallace is like, he left with my fucking girlfriend, so let’s go search every club in Hollywood ’til we find them! Or they’ll probably just be at the first club we go to. At this magical club, a bouncer makes Uncle take off all his metal objects, but slyly replaces his phone with a fake. Of course, the bouncer hands Uncle’s phone right to Veronica, because she knows all the right people.

Sweeney: This is Lor’s BFF “Super Huge” from the previous episode. He was written in solely to say, “HEY, I’LL GET YOU INTO THE CLUBS IN LA!” in order to facilitate this moment. Points for foresight, I guess, but oof.

Diva: Veronica heads back to church to snag back her video camera. She watches the tapes, but doesn’t immediately see anyone dealing drugs. Back at Neptune High, Veronica shows the video to Weevil. Father Patrick isn’t the one dealing drugs – it’s Brother Liam. He’s putting them in cut-out Bibles (like how Keith stashed the evidence in his book), and the PCH-ers own Thumper is the one picking up the drugs.

At lunch, Veronica hands Uncle’s phone to Wallace, telling him to email all the contacts to his dad and let the cops work that shit out. Jackie walks over to greet them, and give them high-fives, because she was totally in on the whole scheme. (L: I *almost* made a comment about still hating Jackie. They got me.) She asks out Wallace again, but gets interrupted by a blonde girl confirming that she and Wallace are still on for their date. Veronica tells Jackie, “If I could control him, I would,” but Jackie takes it all in stride.

PCH-er meeting. Weevil accuses Thumper of being the traitor amongst them, but Thumper doesn’t understand why it’s a big deal if he wants to sell weed to rich kids. Everyone else agrees, but Weevil screams at them that the Fitzpatricks made their old leader disappear, and now they’re going to work for them? Thumper is all, you’re one to talk about working with the enemy, since you’re having mysterious meetings in Logan’s penthouse. The PCH-ers beat the shit out of Weevil, tie up his hands, and drive off. Weevil realizes that Thumper was the one who killed Felix. Thumper reminds Weevil that he has a video of W beating a dude unconscious (S: Curly Moran, the dead guy with V’s name on his hand.), so don’t spread that rumor around if you don’t want the cops to see this.

Rich Kid’s House of Pain. A loser is jumping excessively to “Jump Around” and drinking champagne. There are two very confused-looking girls and a giant bag full of cash there. Wallace’s dad busts in and is all, oh, hey, White Castle clerk. How’s all that cash Rashard’s Uncle gave you? Clearly, money can’t buy cool.

Weevil rides the bus, bruised and bloody and making me upset. Veronica makes it to the Big Game and Wallace is happy. His phone rings, and it’s Uncle, because he still has Uncle’s phone. Wallace is basically like, LOL GTFO BYEEE.

Mars House. Keith still listening to the tapes. Krysten Ritter remembers Curly and the terrible smell on the bus too. But the smell wasn’t the reason she avoided the bus – that was because her dad told her not to. Mid-Keith-epiphany, Veronica comes home and announces that Neptune won the Big Game because Wallace rules at everything. And the news tells us that Terrence Cook is currently under questioning about the bus crash. The thick plottens.

Next time on Veronica Mars: Veronica defends Jackie as Keith investigates her father for exploding buses in S02 E13 – Ain’t No Magic Mountain High Enough.