Veronica Mars S02 E13 – Child Abuse Adjacent

Previously: Weevil teamed up with Logan to find out that Thumper killed Felix but instead got blackmailed and kicked out of the PCH.
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Ain’t No Magic Mountain High Enough

Sweeney: In Free Study Period That Mostly Exists in Fictional Universes For Plot Purposes, Veronica is picking up some stuff for an FBLA booth. Mrs. Hauser asks some kid to go get some stuff and he declares Veronica his nemesis. While he does as he’s asked, Veronica snarks to Madison Trip to the Dentist Sinclair about their eternal nemesis status. Mrs. Hauser complains about poor teacher life while also hating the poor kids, which is super cool.

Corny and Weevil are also randomly there to provide some the essential us/them divisiveness. Rich 09ers are preparing for the school carnival which will raise money for the senior trip they control. Said rich 09ers want to go to Catalina, but everybody else wants to go to Six Flags Magic Mountain. My mom used to let us skip school to go to Magic Mountain because the lines were shorter on school-days and she’s the best mom ever. I love Magic Mountain. I vote Magic Mountain for senior trip! Anyway, Junior Nemesis returns to reveal that he’s actually V’s nemesis because he’s three one thousandths of a point behind her for the Kane Scholarship. Sorry, Junior Nemesis, but your academic prospects don’t determine the fate of a third season, so. Sucks to be you.

Lorraine: This scene caused a lot of high school trauma to bubble up. The Chemistry Teacher who made me cry in high school was working so hard to make my life impossible and giving “extra credit” to the girls who baked cookies and popped corn for the after school sales. HIGH SCHOOL IS THE WORST.

Democracy Diva: Mrs. Hauser is a twat, and so was your chemistry teacher, Lor. Fuck high school.

Sweeney: FUCK HIGH SCHOOL. Admittedly, a few good teachers were the only things that made high school livable, so I find it easier to hate fictional high school students, but I’m totally on board with this “fuck high school” mantra.

Elsewhere, Jackie is arriving at school and being harassed, now that the whole town believes Terrence Cook was behind the bus crash. Her Accused Shoplifter friend Cora comes to the rescue. They exposit some more about the school carnival, which Jackie will be bullied for attending. Madison Sinclair breezes by to reiterate that point, which, of course, hardens Jackie’s resolve because fuck that bitch.

Lor: I already like Jackie 100xs more than I ever have this season yet.

Diva: It’s actually amazing how quickly this show made me do a complete 180 on Jackie. Also, Madison tells Jackie that “you being there will ruin everything.” I don’t expect a lot of maturity from fictional high school students, but come ON. Are you five years old? It’s a pretty big carnival. You could PROBABLY just ignore her.

Sweeney: This episode is a major win for Jackie in terms of her likability. Not so much in terms of life experiences. One of the things we see quite a bit of in this episode is that she’s actually quite similar to Veronica in a lot of ways.

Mars Investigations. Keith is meeting with a client when he checks his fax machine (lol) and finds Terrence Cook waiting in his lobby for a walk-in consultation.

At the carnival, Veronica’s working the FBLA booth, selling snow cones. Logan stops by to exchange banter with slushies on the side. Zoomy cameraman lingers on the cash bag.

Lor: Not only the lingering shot, but Veronica looks at the money he hands her and goes, “IS THAT A FIFTY?” Um, yes? Yes it is.

Sweeney: More exposition to show us that everybody is in attendance. Madison is selling pies; Weevil brought his niece while Thumper brought harassment and Dick brought his own douchiness, revealed when he notices that Cassidy brought Mac; Jackie is there making people angry and trying to manage her own sads; Junior Nemesis is there being “reliable”; Dudes in ski masks are there streaking, which I guess is why the Tritons were on the previouslies; Wallace is there with his new maybe girlfriend Jane. (L: I wanted to interrupt with several A+s. I kept myself in check.)

Mrs. Hauser handed the cash box to Veronica early in that flurry of camera movement and came back to get it a hot second later. Because plot, I guess. The cash box is now missing. Commence mystery of the week!

Diva: I assumed that the mystery of the week would be that Madison was selling pies full of drugs. #disappointed

Sweeney: COME ON NOW, SUGAR!

Mrs. Hauser snaps at Veronica about destroying a thirty year Neptune High tradition and owes the school twelve grand. She wants Veronica searched, but Kristen Bell is about the size of my pinky and could not possibly hide a big metal cash box anywhere on her person.

Veronica suggests that they make people exit through the metal detectors and making sure there’s no access to tools. Madison Sinclair stomps over to accuse Jackie of “lurking.” “You mean ‘standing while black’?” Jackie responds. (L: LOL.)  (D: 1430 for Jackie.) Mrs. Hauser joins that bitch train eagerly.

Logan goes to play a carnival game operated by an adorable blonde. They flirt and I’m not going to bother with a nickname, because we’ll see her again. Her name is Hannah and IMDb tells me that she’s been on a few of those shows that everybody but me has seen. (D: Thanks, because it was KILLING me why she looked so familiar. She’s Pete Campbell’s Betty-Draper-esque girlfriend!) He wins a pink bunny and gives it to her. This scene is also a prime example of how shitty the sound editing on this show is – it’s always painfully obvious when they have to re-record dialogue after the fact. Maybe it’s less about the sound editing than the direction the actors receive in the booth. Regardless, it’s always terrible.

Lor: Logan doesn’t stray too far from a type, huh.

Diva: I found it telling that both Wallace and Logan paired up with girls who look like Veronica knock-offs in this episode.

Sweeney: To really drive home Lor’s point:

Veronica tries to casually chat with Weevil and his niece, but people saw the metal detectors being moved around, so everybody knows what’s going on. He tells Veronica to just go ahead and open up his niece’s backpack. It’s not in there.

Lor: I can’t believe that she still does open the backpack. At that point, I would just walk away slowly, in shame. NOT OUR GIRL!

Diva: Also, Weevil’s niece is the cutest thing on earth, but her name is Ophelia. Like, maybe name your child after a less overwhelmingly tragic character, Weevil’s sibling.

Sweeney: Mars Investigations. Terrence Cook thinks, based on Keith’s book, that he’s just the guy to go up against the Sheriff’s Department. What’s more, he thinks that Lamb hates him for being buddies with Woody, whose plan to incorporate Neptune would drastically undermine the position of sheriff. Keith’s not buying that as sufficient motivation for Lamb to file charges. The actual evidence working against him? Mostly that he was there and signed some shit before they boarded the bus. And his history of being a shady dude.

Diva: Also, I tried to screen-shot evidence of this, but for some reason my screen-shots aren’t working. But there’s a close-up of a gold statue of Lady Justice on Keith’s desk (that we’ve probably seen before but I’m only now noticing). Which makes me think HE GOT AWAY WITH MURDER! #crossovermagic

Sweeney: A+ #crossovermagic observation.

Veronica does some more asking around and finds that Jackie borrowed a screw driver. She follows her to the girls bathroom and listens outside for scratching noises. Inside, though, we see that she was just using it to scratch out an awful thing written about her on the stall. A thing she saw while being a teenaged girl changing into a bathing suit at school. Rough.

Jackie knows what that looked like and takes the implied accusation in stride. She’s putting the bathing suit on because she signed up for the dunk tank and in light of the allegations against her father, people donated over $400 to see to it that she’s the one who gets dunked. And harassed. Veronica and Jackie share a moment because Jackie’s can’t-stop-won’t-stop resilience in the face of being turned into a pariah because of assumptions about her father is an experience Veronica is familiar with.

At the dunk tank, people take out their aggression and feels about their dead classmates on a lone teenage girl who had absolutely nothing to do with it. Because high schoolers love to make the nightmare worse for each other.

Diva: This was really upsetting. I know we see worse bullying on this show and everywhere else all the time, but something about this just got to me. I hated seeing Jackie so vulnerable.

Sweeney: Jackie is such a fierce character – again, much like Veronica – that it’s truly a struggle to watch.

Mars Investigations. Keith has his client take a break from silly stuff like trying not to spend life in prison to having beers to fulfill a youthful fantasy, because Keith has been a fan of Terrence since his minor league days. Keith only revels in that moment for a hot minute before getting back to serious business, like the photo Veronica just found of Terrence and ANTM Journalism Teacher. Keith tells Terrence he’s going to need to be a whole lot more up front if he wants Keith working for him.

Character Building Dunk Tank. Wallace takes his own turn, but because he’s better than everyone ever, he makes some insanely wild throws, possibly damaging a car or two in the parking lot, but that’s not important because mostly what he’s doing is getting rid of the dunk tank balls. He gets cut off after two, though. “Y’all are cool. Real cool,” he says to the pitchfork crowd as he leaves. (L: We love you, Wallace!) (D: <3 <3 <3) 

Cassidy and Mac walk through the crowd and Mac teases him for his aggressive hand-holding. They run into Dick who antagonizes him because he’s a fucking asshole. Cassidy’s mood is appropriately shot.

Logan’s flirtations, however, are going much better. He and Hannah flirt over cotton candy.

Dunk Tank for Assholes. It’s night now, and Jackie is shivering. At this point, the temperature’s probably more comfortable for Jackie in the water than out of it. Madison Sinclair is taking her turn, but she’s not a very good shot, so she walks the ball up to the button and pushes it. Why has no faculty member intervened yet? Where are all the damn grown ups at this school-sponsored event?

Lor: How did ANYONE think that leaving a teenager up there for HOURS was a good idea? This is insanity.

Diva: 3/3 Snark Ladies agree: this is child abuse-adjacent.

Sweeney: Veronica walks away from that depressing sight to see Thumper arguing with someone about the ball pit. She realizes that the ball pit would be an ideal hiding place for the cash box and asks Clemmons to empty it out. They do, but to no avail – it’s not there. While Mrs. Hauser bitches at Veronica for being “all caps TROUBLE!” someone hands Clemmons a video camera, claiming it has footage that will be useful in the cash box mystery.

After a Not Break, Principal Clemmons convenes a Council of Suspects in his office, in order to adequately draw out suspense, rather than just watching the thing himself and meeting with guilty parties and so on. The man’s got a greater sense of showmanship than I gave him credit for. Joining him are: Mrs. Hauser, Veronica, Jackie, Madison Sinclair, Junior Nemesis, Weevil, and Dick Casablancas. (D: And a balloon, which Dick stares at and I hope he’s wondering whether it’s a suspect too.) Junior Nemesis points out that finding money on people doesn’t actually prove who it belongs to. Conveniently, Veronica remembers getting a $50 with the name “Nancy” and a phone number written on the back in black marker.

The video plays and it’s the shakiest footage ever. Drunk Toddler Cam (L: WHICH IS SUPPOSED TO BE FOR THE YEARBOOK) didn’t actually capture anything useful, but that sanctimonious cunt Mrs. Hauser still found herself an opportunity to call a student trash. Classy.

Logan and Hannah hang out in the bounce house drinking the slushies he bought from Veronica. Hannah says this isn’t a date yet – she’s reserving her first date for someone special. Cassidy and Mac’s date has turned around.

Mars Investigations. Terrence explains that he was having an affair with ANTM Journalism Teacher, which is not good news for his case.

Veronica stops Weevil again and reminds him of that time he and Logan put a teacher’s car on the flagpole. She points out that he has a way of getting into shop after hours. Weevil says that all the guys who take that class have made copies of the teachers key, and walks away, as if that’s sufficient defense.

In that shop classroom, Clemmons is breaking open lockers as Mrs. Hauser and Veronica look on. Sure enough, a wad of cash is found in a locker, including the $50 bill with Nancy’s phone number. There’s only $3,000 in there…along with a bag of drugs. Veronica gets thinky face which quickly transitions into accusatory justice warrior face. (D: A+) Clemmons checks the locker number and realizes that it belongs to Thumper. They also find a wooden paddle with a bunch of numbers carved into it.

Out in the carnival, Thumper is walking around with the toy snake he terrorized the ball pit attendant to reclaim. As he makes his way to the exit, Clemmons and some guards are waiting for him.

Veronica Voice Overs that while it sucked for Clemmons to take her keys, she’s not a fucking amateur and had copies made. (Clemmons obviously is, though, if he didn’t consider that and get the locks changed.) (L: Truly, he was less concerned about Veronica letting herself in and more concerned with being principal. It’s kind of fantastic.) (S: This comment, coupled with something he says later leads me to believe that maybe he didn’t change the locks on purpose, trusting that his own house is in order and that V’s unethical behavior always leads to positive ends.) Veronica broke in because she wanted another look at the paddle. (D: Honey, your justifications for B&Es are getting weaker and weaker…) She makes a copy of it, finding something for Mrs. Hauser’s third period chilling in the copier. She shakes her head angrily and  pockets it.

In the hallway, Veronica runs into Jackie who is on her way out. She invites her to come watch as she makes Mrs. Hauser “squirm in her own personal hell.” Jackie smiles and follows.

Council of Suspects reconvenes in Mrs. Hauser’s classroom. Veronica BAMF’s to Mrs. Hauser: “We marked you words before and they formed this, like, totally false accusation.” Veronica figures that Mrs. Hauser might welcome the opportunity to apologize. Veronica incriminates herself by showing the exam she found in the copy machine.

Only Mrs. Hauser and her TA could have accessed it. TAs are always up to shady shit at this school. It’s about time they abolish the TA system. Junior Nemesis is the TA and he pouts that Veronica’s just trying to sabotage him. She says that for her next trick, she’s going to take him into the hall and whisper a few magic words to get him to confess.

Lor: It’s hilarious that the adults are just letting this whole elaborate thing go on. It makes for good for TV, though.

Sweeney: Their consideration for plot and our viewing enjoyment is much appreciated.

Veronica and Junior Nemesis go into the hall, where she points out that Junior Nemesis knew that Mrs. Hauser would be distracted by streakers at precisely 4pm. She opens her laptop to remind him that she took photos at the previous year’s Triton initiation. (This was wholly underwhelming and to-be-expected, since Junior Nemesis hasn’t exactly been a show fixture and the previouslies included this seemingly irrelevant moment. Spoilerly “previouslies” are my nemesis.) (D: Diva Snow missed the previouslies, so I was very much whelmed, and thought this was a surprising, brilliant callback.) (S: Previouslies aside, it was super clever to play on something like that which seemed like a throwaway thing.) Veronica tells him that if he doesn’t confess, they can check the copier log to see if Mrs. Hauser’s code was punched in around that time. They don’t know if the copier is actually capable of doing that, but if Junior Nemesis calls her bluff, she’s going to post the Triton Initiation photo on a personal homepage she’ll make for him. With that, Junior Nemesis returns to confess to stealing the test.

As Mrs. Hauser tries to talk him out of yielding to a threat, Veronica notices a shoe print in some glitter. Veronica climbs onto a desk and lifts a ceiling panel to find the cash hidden there. Jackie notes that not too many people wear heels to a carnival, pointedly looking at Mrs. Hauser. She begrudgingly lifts her foot before huffily insisting that she’s been walking in the glitter all day. Veronica speculates that she was skimming off the top long before Veronica got her hands on the cash box. Clemmons calls back to an earlier moment where Mrs. Hauser gave him shit for taking orders from a student as he tells Mrs. Hauser, “This would be a prime example of why I consider the advice of some of my students.” Veronica tells Madison to cheer up because now that they’ve reclaimed a full $6,000 of their senior trip money, meaning they’re now Magic-Mountain-bound. YAY!

In the parking lot, Dick gets shot down by Madison. He goes to his car to find a woman adjusting her thigh highs on his car. She’s there to pick up her stepdaughter because she marries old men and messes around with young ones. They jump into Dick’s truck to “kill time.”

Elsewhere in the parking lot, Logan continues to flirt with Hannah while she waits for her ride. As they’re kissing, that ride arrives. It’s her father. Dr. Griffith. Logan’s witness.

Diva: Yeah, I completely didn’t catch that at all. I was just like, wait, why does this feel like it’s supposed to be a dramatic reveal? #badatTV

Sweeney: I mean, I’ve also seen this 982,398 times, so I’ve got you at a significant disadvantage when it comes to things like, “Identifying 2-line characters.”

Dick angrily jumps out of the truck after finding an unpleasant surprise down below. Cassidy is waiting and laughing. Dick’s about to pound his face in, but Cassidy makes a cryptic threat and Dick backs off.

Mars Investigations. After many hours of drinking and laughing, Terrence has to go. He asks if Keith will take his case. In response, Keith asks if Terrence has any more confessions and when he does not, Keith says he can’t take the case because Terrence isn’t coming clean. Terrence sits back down as Keith plays the recording Veronica took of Terrence being blackmailed by Sheriff Lamb. Terrence confesses that ANTM Journalism teacher overheard a conversation that could ruin him. He racked up some serious gambling debt and in order to dig himself out of it he threw a game – Game 3 of the ALCS. A big fucking game. Keith looks like somebody just punched his puppy. He almost attended that game, but didn’t because Veronica had the chicken pox. He was glued to the TV and as a superstitious fan, he felt guilty and responsible for the loss. Terrence leaves, head down. Keith says that for $50/hour he’ll take the case because in spite of everything, he still believes that Terrence wouldn’t kill a bus full of kids. But my heart is so sad for Keith right now. His recollection of a baseball game is somehow as heartbreaking as anything we’ve seen and watched on this show. A million stars for Enrico Colantoni.

At school the next day, Weevil arrives in a sweet new car. No more bus for him! Veronica tells him that the thing about Nancy was a lie. She knows Weevil framed Thumper but isn’t clear on what he did with the cash box. Confident he’s in the clear, he explains that it was in the two places she looked: the backpack and the ball pit. He hid it in the backpack first, then the ball pit while V grilled him. He then had his niece reclaim it and was busy framing Thumper while the pit was being drained. Weevil asks if it was her undying love for him that kept her from turning him in. Veronica says it was just about going to Magic Mountain – nothing to do with him. LIES, VERONICA. ALL LIES.

 

Next time on Veronica Mars: Logan continues his romance with Hannah and we get yet another solid gold reality TV guest star. Find out who it is on S02 E14 – Versatile Toppings.