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Gotham S01 E04 – Eyeball Trauma Assassin

Previously: A very questionable MO as a man tied people to weather balloons.
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Arkham

Sweeney: We begin where the last episode ended, with Oswald arriving at Jim’s door. Barbara shows him in and he introduces himself as Peter, a friend of Jim’s. Barbara is lovely and jokes about not getting to meet Jim’s friends. Jim walks Oswald out to have a chat about work things.

Alex: Oh, whoops. I totally assumed Barbara knew who Oswald was at the end of the last recap. Apparently not. But I’m sure that when she opened the door last week she looked worried, whereas now she’s just being all charming and upbeat.

Marines: I mean, every other character in this show has been all, “YOU. PENGUIN.” so it wasn’t unreasonably to assume that she would also guess who he was. But no.

Sweeney: Out in an alleyway, Ryan Atwood is using some serious Batman voice, probably because everyone’s starting to realize that you can’t do a Batman show where Jim Gordon is the main character and it doesn’t make sense. (M: Maybe it’s the alley. Maybe when you are yelling at bad guys in an alley, Batman voice is just what happens to you.) (A: He’s also yelling really loudly for someone wanting to keep this conversation secret). Anyway, Gordon tells Oswald that he should have killed him and that when Falcone finds out, they’ll both be killed. Oswald takes an insane logical leap and suggests that Gordon’s options are either to trust him or kill him now, because Oswald wants to be a helpful criminal tipster. Oswald reiterates his frantic speech about how “there’s a war coming” (and it says not good things about this show that this mantra of his is way less menacing than “winter is coming” and I would say that even if I didn’t hate winter). Oswald came to tell Gordon that some big shady political money criminal stuff is going down with ARKHAM, so here, Oswald, have the title star.

title star

On a rooftop garage somewhere, two men are going to their car and they are flagged by a man claiming to be a constituent who has always voted for him. The councilman says it’s after hours, but the constituent insists, and they relent, letting him show off this fancy prototype he’s developed. He hands one of the councilmen a thing that he holds up to his eye (YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE THIS GUY’S STUFF HAS BEEN. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?) His lack of concern for hygiene results in the weird contraption stabbing him in the eye. (M: THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS.) The other councilmen gets a slightly longer death, but only because Eyeball Trauma Assassin is really dedicated to his death by eyeball trauma.

OMINOUS LIGHTNING CLOUDS! GOTHAM!

Police Station. I dig the architecture of this police station. I don’t know why a police station needs these fancy high ceilings. Anyway, the chief brings them the Double Eyeball Homicide. Bullock tries to shirk the job because he’s allergic to work (people trying to not work while at work make up a fair chunk of this blog’s readership, so best to keep being safe about those work allergies, friends!) Once Bullock accepts that he will have to work while at work, he tells Gordon that he knows where to start.

Pretty Gotham shots take us to Fish’s Bar, where she’s auditioning yet another performer. I don’t think the bar is a front for her criminal endeavors – I think her criminal activity is a front for private shows in which she torments performers. This time it’s a singer in black and red lacy dress. Fish cuts her off and tells her that the job requires a little more than just singing, Since there are no enforceable laws of any variety, let alone sexual harassment, Fish tells the girl to try to seduce her. The girl awkwardly tries to feign comfort with this gross, inappropriate audition and an unimpressed Fish sends her on her way, telling her assistant guy to keep looking for another singer. He doesn’t get why she’s passing on such a pretty girl, but Fish isn’t looking for a girl – “I’m looking for a weapon.” OK.

Mari: There’s a dude walking around with an eyeball poker you could maybe talk to, girl.

Sweeney: In an interrogation room, Bullock and Gordon are harassing some guy they found with a shank. Bullock’s strategy is to get his bad breath and traces of spittle in people’s faces until they confess. Gordon realizes this isn’t their guy and leaves.

Alex: Yeah, I am officially done with Bullock. He might well be my least favourite character on the show now. 

Sweeney: Same. This shit is just tired. Back at his desk he sees  a box has been left for him. Another cop says it’s evidence from the crime scene that was just dropped off for them. Gordon rifles through it and finds a proposal for Arkham development.

Cut to a map of Gotham, with Arkham at the center. It’s a display piece for a press conference being held by the mayor. He explains that Arkham is the last major undeveloped piece of land in Gotham and that before their death, the Waynes planned to rebuild the asylum and that’s the plan the mayor endorses. A reporter asks about an opposing plan, but the mayor dismisses it because it would do away with the asylum all together and turn the surrounding land into a landfill. All of this, quite frankly, sounds like insane urban planning. Based on this map, Arkaham is right in the center of the city, and I don’t know of an urban planner in their right mind who would attempt to put shit like an asylum or a landfill in the heart of their city. But apparently urban planning is up there with “laws” on the list of shit the officials of Gotham don’t care about. (M: A+) The mayor is sold on the Wayne plan. To be fair, I suppose asylum > landfill for your city center.

Maroni’s Mobster Restaurant. Oswald listens as Maroni and his men discuss a big important land grab they’re about to make.

Wayne Estate. Gordon stops by to ask Alfred about the Wayne plan. Alfred explains that the plan is now more Falcone’s than anything, because he’ll make a lot of money off of it. Gordon is confused because the dead councilmen supported the Wayne/Falcone plan. Alfred nods him along, waiting for him to get there, until Gordon realizes that Maroni is the one opposing Falcone’s plan.

Alex: I had no idea what had been discussed in this scene because I got distracted by how Gordon and Alfred pronounced ‘Falcone’ completely differently from each other, and not even just in a ‘we have different accents’ kind of way. I guess the director didn’t care enough to correct one of them and reshoot.

Mari: Ugh, #effort.

Sweeney: Baby Batman comes in for his latest intake of vigilante seeds. A bit later he rattles off something that his mom wrote about how the new Arkham Asylum was going to be the bestest thing to happen to Gotham. Helping the city’s less fortunate would, they believed, give everyone hope. HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE LACK OF HOPE IN GOTHAM? Probably because nobody has lights. I bet you’d all feel better if you invested in a few stronger light bulbs. Baby Batman doesn’t want his parents’ dream to die with them. Gordon decides it’s appropriate to tell this pubescent, nascent vigilante about impending gang wars.

By the old Arkham Asylum, Eyeball Trauma Assassin rolls a barrel and then pulls the lid off to reveal a man trapped inside. The man in the barrel begs for mercy as Eyeball Trauma Assassin pours gasoline into the barrel and speechifies about how he can’t let the guy die slowly because his client wants to send a message. Also because the show wants to punch in the face with a message, so this guy has to die slowly enough to shout out that his killer should tell Falcone that he’ll do whatever he wants, including backing the mayor. See, this guy was on the other side! Presto gang war!

The next day, Gordon, Bullock, and their boss lady are at Arkham discussing the case. Gordon quickly explains to them that this whole thing is about the Arkham vote and Bullock’s all, “How could you know that??” what with how the killer oh-so-subtly murdered a councilman opposing the plan on the grounds of the old Arkham in spectacular fashion. HOW COULD GORDON HAVE PUT THIS TOGETHER?

Mari: Between this and their surprise last week that balloons pop, I’m thinking that corruption is only half of GCPD’s problem.

Sweeney: Gordon explains to the others that the Arkham vote is also a criminal land war and explains that the first guys were killed by Maroni’s people and this new councilman was killed by Falcone in retaliation. Their boss goes to put security on the other members of the council.

arkham-asylum

E. Nygma stops by to give an excessively creepy description of the Eyeball Trauma deaths, adding that it seems the guy who killed for Falcone is, in fact, the same guy. I’m not sure if it’s E. Nygma’s delivery or the fact that he is such an add-on to a show where I don’t like most of what is happening, but even at his most creeptacular, he’s an episode highlight.

Alex: Agreed. I actually wrote in my notes ‘yay, Riddler!’ when he showed up. It’s pretty ridiculous for me to cheer his arrival given how little screen time he’s had so far, but it’s just that he’s one of the few characters I don’t yet completely despise.

Mari: Probably because of that limited screen time. I don’t mean to discredit the actor, but I don’t have any faith in the Gotham writers at all.

Sweeney: That’s sort of what I was getting at – I think it’s mostly that the writers have had less time to make him insufferable.

Maroni’s Mobster Restaurant. Oswald gets in trouble with his manager for his eavesdropping. He apologizes and promises to keep to himself.

Gotham State Penitentiary. Bullock and Gordon question an inmate about the Eyeball Trauma Assassin. The inmate knows who they’re talking about, gives them a name, and a potential location, sending them on their way.

Alex: It’s becoming a running theme that Bullock and Gordon do pretty much fuck all to solve their cases, and instead just repeatedly get the key information handed to them. Last week it was that inexplicably incriminating form in the killer’s pocket, and now it’s an excessively helpful inmate who just happens to know the exact assassin they’re looking for and freely volunteers all the details . I get that we have a limited amount of episode time for each case, but this has to be some of the laziest writing I’ve ever seen.

Mari: There is just no connection to this guy in jail. There’s not even a, “you’ll get out early if you help us,” to explain why Helpful Inmate is so darn helpful.

Sweeney: YES, THAT. First watch to recap watch I lost track of all the things that bothered me, but the fact that this inmate wasn’t even offered some sort of deal for his help was extra contrived and bullshit.

At a nice building in midtown, Bullock badgers Gordon about being jumpy. They ask a lady at a desk if Gladwell is there. Richard, she says, works in HR. (ARE YOU AN EYEBALL TRAUMA ASSASSIN BY NIGHT, MARI?) (A: I WROTE THIS IN MY NOTES TOO!) (M: WHAT THE HECK? NO GUYS, I’M NOT MURDERING PEOPLE BY EYEBALL POKING, GOSH.) Gladwell hears them asking questions and quickly vacates his desk. Why is every office in Gotham on this open floor plan situation? A lady at a nearby desk explains that they just missed Gladwell and he maybe ducked out the back. Gordon heads back that way and we see Gladwell assembling his Eyeball Trauma Weapon, waiting for Gordon to round the corner.

After a commercial break, Gordon is narrowly saved from death by eyeball trauma when Bullock calls out that he found something at Gladwell’s desk – news clippings of the two dead councilmen. I’m not sure this proves anything. They hear a noise back where Gladwell was hiding and both men go back, guns up, but only manage to scare the shit out of a lady trying to pilfer paper clips. They also find a paper Gladwell probably dropped that has the letters C, L, and M on it.

Wayne Mansion. Baby Batman wakes up screaming from a nightmare. Alfred comes to see if he’s all right and Baby Batman asks for more files on the Arkham plan because he’s trying to find a connection between the murders of the councilmen and the murders of his parents. Given the TV typical ineptitude of local police and the also TV typical skills of teen sleuths, This 12-year-old should have great success in his endeavors.

Maroni’s Mobster Restaurant. The place is attacked by a bunch of gunmen. Lots of people are killed. Later, some of Maroni’s men take stock of the bloodbath and find Oswald hiding in the fridge in the back. Oswald says that the gunmen had masks and couldn’t see who they were. He did manage to hide one very large bag of money, though.

Barbara’s Apartment. Gordon comes home and she says he’s off early for a change. She sips her wine while wondering about his long days, adding that she has secrets from him that she’s not a fan of. As Gordon tries to explain that it’s his job, she cuts him off to ask who Oswald Cobblepot is. She won’t tell him how she knows that name, but Gordon realizes that it’s Montoya. He asks why Montoya keeps coming to Barbara. Barbara awkwardly explains that she used to date Montoya. It only lasted a year until Barbara ended it and moved on. She doesn’t know or care if Montoya’s moved on. Gordon’s mad that Barbara lied to him. Barbara apologizes for not telling him.

I spend much of this show thinking that this is a failed exercise in democracy (sorry, friends – though you couldn’t have known it would be so terrible), but this is a mirror of a scene we saw last week on HTGAWM and I will say that this scene gets slightly higher marks from me, partially because Gordon’s being a lot less crazy and also because they’re not trying to say that Barbara’s sexuality has fundamentally changed. So there’s that.

Alex: The HTGAWM scene was the first thing that came to mind for me here too. I do agree that this was handled a little better, but I was annoyed by Barbara immediately asking ‘is it because she’s a woman?’ when Gordon got upset. When your partner finds out that you had a one-year relationship with one of his colleagues that you’ve never told him about, I think he’s entitled to be at least temporarily pissed off. I really wished they’d had Gordon say something to that effect, because this left a bad taste in my mouth, especially when combined with the other girl-on-girl stuff going on in this episode.

Mari: Same! Plus, it’s just strange to me that they grouped this developing plot in with an episode with gratuitous girl kissing and, “HEY DO YOU LIKE GIRLS?” questions. I’m not sure what they are doing here, but then again, I’m not sure Gotham knows what Gotham is doing here either.

Sweeney: The Fish scenes are just awful that I tried to mind wipe them immediately after viewing. They do a lot to undermine the credit I’d like to give them for not turning this into a my-sexuality-has-changed thing (and for Gordon having actual non-insane reasons to be upset). I guess what I’m really saying is that I hated that other scene and am giving this one vague points for being Not That Scene. I’m also pretty confident that Gotham has no idea what it’s doing. But hey, they just got 6 more episodes to figure it out! WOO!

-_-

Maroni’s Mobster Restaurant. Maroni has Oswald sent over so that he can show him appreciation where it’s due. He says that what Oswald did hasn’t gone unnoticed. The restaurant manager position “recently became available” by way of mass murder, so Oswald is being promoted. He has his henchman hand over some cash so Oswald can get a suit.

Police Station. Gordon is looking over the C L M notepad when Bullock enternounces that the real Gladwell is dead – has been for five years, death by eyeball trauma. He kept quiet and paid his rent on time, so the landlord never noticed. There wasn’t, like, a smell? Never mind. I don’t want to think about it. Eyeball Trauma Assassin killed Gladwell and stole his identity. Gordon says that all they’ve got is this random piece of notebook paper, but Bullock says it’s fucking useless. Gordon calls him out for being lazy and Bullock tries to insist that he works smarter. That’s really the secret to not working while at work. Gordon goes on about the impending gang war, which reminds Bullock that he has a criminal friend. Gordon tells him to send Fish his regards.

Segue magic to Fish, whose auditioning/harassing another performer. Her performance isn’t quite as good as the other one, but she’s much better at the gross seduction test. She kisses Fish and then tries to drink away the abuse, before leaving just as Bullock enters. Bullock asks if she can find Gladwell, in exchange for the shiny gift of him owing her one. She hesitates, but agrees. She goes on to explain, though, that Falcone can’t lose that vote because if he does, it’ll prove to all the other criminals in Gotham that he’s no longer running the show. Bullock is confused because he assumes Falcone’s demise is tied to Fish’s, but she tells him that she’s always got a backup plan, and at least half a dozen backup accents to boot. (M: A+)

Police Station. Gordon receives a call from Oswald assuring him that Maroni has just put out a hit on another councilman supporting Falcone’s plan. He doesn’t know who, but he knows it will happen tonight. When asked how he knows this, Oswald just reiterates that Gotham is his home. Gordon goes to the main desk to get a list of the cops working police protection. He sees that the three officers on the mayor are “C” “L” and “M.” (A: It was nice of the assassin to list them in alphabetical order to save Gordon from having to do even an iota of detective work himself.). (M: His schedule is too full of being A Good Guy.) He calls Bullock to tell him that the mayor is the next target.

Mayor’s House. Gordon knocks on the door and tells him that he needs to be relocated. The mayor insists that he’s fine because he has police protection, but Gordon tells him that those cops are gone. They go inside because the mayor is adamant about getting something from his safe first. Gordon asks if there’s somewhere safe the mayor can go, since the police station isn’t necessarily safe because Gotham.

They open the front door to leave just as Eyeball Trauma Assassin arrives. There’s a brief scuffle in which Gordon and the mayor manage to escape upstairs, but ETA gets his gun. Upstairs, they fight some more and Eyeball Trauma Assassin is about to kill Gordon when Bullock comes in with his gun pointed at him. Eyeball Trauma Assassin backs off, but then begins the always fatal villain monologue. “You know why they hire a professional? Because he finishes the job.” But he gets fired at several times by both cops before he can even raise his arm because duh.

Alex: This ‘heads-up guys, I’m about to stab you!’ line was quite possibly the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen, and last week I was writing about killer weather balloons.

Mari: I feel like we should at least recognize that Gotham is managing to consistently top itself in the stupidity department.

Sweeney: That is certainly an achievement. If you’re going to be stupid, reach for the stupid stars!

The next day, Barbara comes to see Gordon at work. She asks how he is and says she doesn’t really know why she didn’t tell Gordon sooner but it’s not about history or feelings. Barbara says that she doesn’t want there to be any secrets between them and when Gordon agrees, she asks again for him to tell her about Oswald Cobblepot. He won’t because work. He says telling her about work before was a mistake and one he won’t make again. Barbara says she won’t and can’t live like this – he has to let her in or let her go. He does his best Ryan Atwood Silent Brood, and so she leaves.

gotham-police-department

Fish has the girls at the place where Buffy died in The Gift (h/t Democracy Diva) because there can only be one Slayer, one girl to protect the world/Fish from the vampires/Falcone, and she wants these two to fight for the sexual harassment job. The second girl again scoffs at Fish’s crazy request, but ultimately gives in, again, kicking the shit out of the first girl before asking Fish when she starts.

so-when-do-i-start

Alex: Seriously, Girl Number Two? I know the job market sucks right now, but a boss who makes you beat the other applicants to death in the job interview is probably NOT someone you should go work for.

Mari: She blinks a lot in the gif.

Sweeney: She’s clearly insane and I’m not sure what Fish is doing with her recurring strategy of hiring lunatics as her #2 person, but it’s questionable at best.

The guys who raided the restaurant are hanging out in an empty apartment when the door opens. They all point their guns at the door but drop them when they see it’s Oswald. They excitedly gush about how well they did, adding that robbery has good money in it and they’d love to do another job for Oswald. Oswald is in his fancy new suit and he has a pink box of cannolis, which he offers to them but doesn’t eat any himself because he only likes his food with a side of murder.

At the station, Gordon is watching the news, where the mayor is being interviewed about the results. Gordon is so excited to see that what they worked for actually turned out right. That means it obviously didn’t. Instead of the success of the Wayne Plan, the mayor announces a compromise version with both the asylum and the landfill. Doubling down on their collection of terrible ideas for a city center. James Gordon is not pleased.

As the mayor finishes his press conference, we cut to different people watching it. Maroni celebrates with his men. Fish explains to her new girl  that Falcone took a hit today, just a few shy of the on that’ll put him on his back.

We end at the Wayne Mansion. The mayor speaks into the camera that the Waynes would have been on board with this plan and Baby Batman angrily turns the TV off, asking Gordon (did Baby Batman DVR this? How did he get there so fast?) why the mayor is doing this. Gordon explains that having his life threatened kind of sort of scared the mayor, so he gave Maroni that landfill and the contract to rebuild Arkham. Falcone, meanwhile, gets to build a low income housing project. Baby Batman is furious that everything his parents worked for is falling into the hands of criminals. Gordon points out that there’s still their son. Then the zoomy cameraman gets all up in their faces as they have another #deep conversation about whether Gotham can be saved and how it’s worth trying.

Back in the abandoned apartment of criminals, the eager robbers are all dead, killed by pastries, and Oswald packs up his cash and goes. I bet he set aside a murder-free cannoli for himself to eat once he’d killed a few people.

End credits.

I don’t know what there is to say about this show, you guys. I’m unsure about whether I’d keep watching if it weren’t for the blog, but that’s only because I watch a lot of really bad TV. The thing is, there’s enjoyable bad and then there’s this. It reminds me of some of the particularly, “WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?” moments of Angel.

Alex: I’m still liking Penguin a lot and he was particularly fun to watch this week, making me even more curious about what he might have up his sleeve. But apart from his scenes, this episode both bored me senseless and pissed me off at the same time. I really hope it gets better soon, but I’m not holding out much hope at the moment.

Mari: Yeah, I’ve been pretty vocal about how much I dislike this. I find it the worst kind of boring, where it isn’t quite terrible or crazy enough to circle back around to entertaining, like some of the other stuff we’ve covered in the past. I was playing the, “maybe this will get cancelled and we can all recap something else,” game but Fox ordered a full season, so I think we’re in it for at least another 18 episodes.

Sweeney: On the plus side, it being terrible makes for some fantastic #gothamsnark tweets:

 

Next time on Gotham: Oswald’s non-discreet cover is finally blown and Fish Mooney continues to be awful in S01 E05 – Viper.

 

Nicole Sweeney (all posts)

Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.





Marines (all posts)

I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.





Alex (all posts)

I'm a thirty-year-old postgrad living in Scotland. When I'm not writing (which, between my degree and Snark Squad, is almost never) I watch entirely too much TV, and live in constant fear of the day that I run out of things to watch.





Written by

Nicole Sweeney

Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.