Previously: Ashley Marin was arrested. Spencer and Toby went to Ravenswood for reasons we’re not sure we follow.
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Crash & Burn, Girl
Sweeney: We open on Marin Manor where Spencer and Emily are doing dishes and being passive aggressive. Spencer apologizes for Toby, but says he’s not ready to talk yet. Emily snaps that they need to focus on Hanna right now, which is Aria’s cue to enternounce that these two talking is step 1 and getting Hanna to actually eat is step 2. Spencer suggests mozzarella sticks and I have a vague recollection of Hanna’s love of mozzarella sticks being a thing in another episode, because obviously moments where the girls are being cute are vastly superior to anything vaguely resembling “plot.” (L: Plus, FOOD.) The girls exposit that Hanna’s being shut out of lawyer meetings and when Spencer suggests the others go home and rest, they insist that they’re fine to stay because the only way to get Hanna through this is together. D’AWW. The downside of their cuteness is that there is nothing to snark when they are being adorable.
They hang up and we see that Caleb is hanging out with Toby and they swap a mutual “My girlfriend’s kind of a badass,” toasting of their coffee mugs. Rock music jams as we see that the boys are looking at a big cork board of clues because they’re about to get their detective on. I’m so excited! I saw this gif forever ago and I’m super excited that the Boyfriend Detective Duo is now on the case. It’s magical. They even have a fancy guitar-filled soundtrack!
Sweeney: It’s true – the BESTness of their girlfriends adds to the appeal of their teaming up.
SHHHHH!
Fields House. Emily is getting ready for school when Mama Fields comes to tell her that she’s making some appointments for these fancy injections that will help heal her shoulder without surgery. Emily squirms about the cost, but Mama Fields assures her that they will figure it out like the kickass parents they are. Throughout this Emily is only half paying attention because Hanna’s blowing up her phone. Mama Fields gives a big parental sigh before telling Emily that regardless of what’s true, Ashley is being investigated for a murder and right now Hanna should be spending time with her Shitbag father. This is false, but also you’re trying to parent your own daughter, so I get it. (But also you’re wrong. I just want you to know.) (L: Telling TV people they are wrong is basically our jam.) Mama Fields tells Emily to meet her at the station right after school to go to the appointment.
Rosewood High School for Vandalism. Aria and Mike arrive at school and discuss the sorry state of that douche canoe Connor’s car. She asks Mike about it and he knows to deny, deny, deny, even though he clearly did it. Or is being Toby Edited to seem like he did.
JAIL. Ashley Marin is a total fashionista but the orange jumpsuit is perhaps the one look she cannot rock. (L: Sorry ’bout it, but orange is NOT the new black.) Speaking of fashion, they discuss what outfit Hanna’s going to bring her for the trial. Ashley tears up at the mention of Hanna’s badass grandma, wishing she could be tough too. Hanna tries to take Ashley’s mind off of it, reminding her that Another Effing Dance is just around the corner and she wants her mom to promise to be her date. A teary eyed Ashley says she can’t promise her that. Sadz.
Boyfriend Detective Duo. Caleb is trying to track down the flight plan for Red Coat’s plane. They discuss their mutual skepticism about the Ali Is Red Coat theory. They trade computer duty and Caleb mentions finding a folder with a “blonde girl” post it on it. It’s Mama Cavanaugh’s file and Toby doesn’t want to talk about it. Just as Caleb is about to leave to get them sandwiches, Toby gets a hit on the flight plan – the address they’re looking for is near by and off they go. But no mention of food stops. I really hope they don’t forget to drive through somewhere.
Sweeney: OH MY GOD, I HADN’T EVEN CONSIDERED THE THREAT OF ATROPHY TO DEM ABS. Starvation is not your friend, boys.
Rosewood High School for Harassing Students. Hanna swung by to grab some books since since she was already out and everybody in the hall glares at her. Emily scares people off because even with a busted shoulder, she’ll still fuck you up. Pedzra Fitz steps in to do teacherly things in shooing off the students. My eyes glazed over for most of this conversation, which ends in Hanna thanking Pedzra for being a really great guy. My soul died a little.
Lor: “Thanks for being the kind of teacher that can both shoo kids away… and lure them into your bed.” That’s what I heard.
Sweeney: Speaking of inappropriate faculty, the principal – whose shining moment of calling the cops on Ezra was just a dream – stops Aria in the halls to grill her about her brother’s involvement in the vandalism of Connor’s car. How is this whole thing even a school matter? Anyway, nothing comes of this conversation, besides some really inappropriate questioning about Mike’s meds to go with all the other inappropriate questioning.
Rosewood Police Department for Probably Losing Evidence Like Teenagers. Emily is talking to her mom as someone comes to sign in a key. Emily notices on the tag that it’s Wilden’s key. She gets her mom to go print directions to the clinic even though homegirl’s totally going to use her smart phone for that shit so that she can steal the key to Wilden’s apartment, showing no regard for her mother’s job and stuff. I’d add “showing no regard for evidence tampering” because we come down on the Marses for that, but Neptune’s Sheriff’s Department is at least an actual law enforcement agency, albeit not a very good one. Rosewood’s Police Department is just a building where people in official looking outfits stand around drinking coffee and exchanging stilted conversation, so I don’t think it really matters what anyone does with the evidence.
Lor: The only exception is when they probably get applauded for using evidence to harass little girls.
Sweeney: Right, so I can’t really fault those little girls for stealing the evidence. Gotta preempt that harassment when you can.
Montgomery Manse. Shitbag Montgomery comes home and is very upset because Connor’s father is pressing charges. He asks Aria if she knows anything about it and her silence is telling. She confesses that it’s because of her – she rejected Connor and he retaliated by starting rumors about her. He has actually been decidedly non-Shitbaggy lately so he reminds us that he’s still a despicable stain of a father when he responds, “Why would he say things like that about you?” in the most accusatory, victim blaming tone he can muster. Aria then goes on to confess that people are talking about her and Ezra but BLERGH I’m still so annoyed with his tone. Shitbag says he needs to go talk to Mike about this.
Marin Manor. Hanna is trying to forge Ashley’s signature on a check when Spencer comes by. Spencer compliments Hanna’s forgery game and we learn that Hanna’s paying all the bills so that her mom doesn’t come home to a rundown house. Spencer gets SRSBSNS face and awkwardly confesses that she overheard her parents discussing the case and it sounds like the best case scenario is that they make it seem like Wilden threatened her and she’ll get 20 years. The possibility of a life sentence or even the death penalty are very much on the table. They cry and hug. FEELS.
Lor: Can you imagine the problems the characters would all save if only they got into the habit of walking back into a room two seconds after they left it? This guy didn’t even wait a few seconds to look shady.
Sweeney: Montgomery Manse. Aria speculates to Spencer that this car thing was an A move. Emily comes in, urging the girls to hurry up and go, but not to her appointment – they’re breaking into Wilden’s apartment in search of some clues that could save Ashley Marin.
After a Not Break they arrive at his apartment and Spencer tells the girls to leave the lights off and put everything back and also passes out gloves. The phone rings and everyone gets nervous. Through the window we see Stalker Cam so we know that they are being watched. (L: OF COURSE. ALWAYS. FOREVER.)
Toby’s Apartment. Caleb’s getting ready to leave but he can tell that his dear co-detective bro is unhappy. Toby finds it suspicious that Airport Guy knew about the fog. Toby tosses Caleb the lighter he found the night of the cabin fire and asks what he makes of it: there’s a compass on the lighter but the N and W are bigger. Caleb immediately assumes, “Nigel Wright,” which is a name that means nothing to me. Is that Airport Guy? You can’t honestly expect me to remember every throwaway character you introduce.
Wilden’s Apartment. The girls EW about Aria finding Wilden’s porn collection, which is fair because he was part of the Rosewood Pedobear Society. Aria spots a box that he was shipped from a fancy steak company. The open it and inside they find a bunch of rotten meat. Spencer (of course) is the one with the stomach to actually poke around and find the A note within.
Lor: THE POLICE HAVE ALREADY BEEN HERE. WHAT IN THE HECK? Spencer says, “what are we missing?” and Aria literally tilts her head a few degrees to look under the table. “How about that box that no one else saw, including the police?” This show.
Sweeney: Marin Manor. “Freight Train” plays as Hanna cries and prepares her outfit for her mother’s trial. “Grief is a freight train.” This trial business is insanely quick. I don’t actually know stuff about the law beyond what I’ve learned on more believable TV shows, but I’m pretty comfortable in relying on that knowledge to say that not enough time has passed for there to be an actual trial already.
At school, Aria is waiting outside the principal’s office when Ezra skulks around. Aria says she’s just there for moral support while her dad and Mike are meeting with the principal and a police report is being filed. (Again, I’m not sure how much sense this sequence makes, but whatever.) Ezra is confident that Mike couldn’t have done the amount of damage that car received. He lingers a little too long, and blah blahs about how he gets that he’s not allowed to be the one to comfort her but WAH WAH IT’S HARD. Shut your stupid mouth. He asks her if she knows who really did this, but in a very interrogative manner. I feel that I need to keep clarifying these tone things for you guys because men are asking Aria questions in ways filled! with! meaning! beyond the actual words they are using. Probably because they know her 32-year-old soul will understand.
Also, THEY ARE SITTING IN FRONT OF THE PRINCIPAL’S OPEN WINDOW, TALKING ABOUT THEIR PEDO-LATIONSHIP. I hate everything.
Sweeney: A+ for your observation and cosign for your rage.
Anyway, before she can answer, Shitbag pops his head out of the office to tell Aria it’s going to be a while so she should probably just head home.
Police Station. Emily Fields returns and sees a whole bunch of people standing around Mama Fields’s desk. Her boss tells her to come to his office as soon as she’s done searching and in the hallway Emily hears them say that they’re going to have a serious problem if she doesn’t find the key. Womp. Who could have seen this going that way!
The Boyfriend Detective Duo returns to the airport to grill Airport Guy about the lighter. They accuse him of being the one to fly the plane, but finally he caves and says that he was paid to fake a flight plan and given a story to spin in the event that anyone came asking about it. He gives them their money back saying he just got greedy and begs them to drop it because he could lose his job for this. He’s not positive but he thinks the girl’s name was CeCe Drake. The guys don’t respond, so he throws the money and runs, trapping them with filing cabinet. LOL. A+ resourcefulness. Caleb says they were never going to get the full story from him, but reveals that he stole Airport Guy’s cellphone.
Rosewood High School for Administrative Posturing. Ezra asks to speak with the principal so they duck into an empty classroom. Ezra asks if they have any actual witnesses – the principal says that the action he’s taking is mostly about doing Mike a favor because this way the family won’t press charges. I mean, Ezra’s point remains unchanged, but OK. Ezra responds that it’s probably going to be very bad news for the principal if anyone finds out that his random hallway interrogation of Aria included some highly inappropriate discussion of Mike’s medical history. The principal’s all, “LOL, you really want to talk inappropriate?” except it makes me hate him even more because either he doesn’t think anything happened or he should not have hired Ezra. So fuck that too. Fuck everyone.
Lor: I don’t think we’ve used this gif since Fifty Shades days, but:
Sweeney: #Memories
Toby’s Apartment. Pretty Little Brain, Spencer Hastings, comes to join the Boyfriend Detective Duo. They’re looking at Airport Guy’s call history on Caleb’s laptop, noting a bunch of calls to the same New York number. They wonder if this is where CeCe Drake went when she left town or why she’d want to hurt the girls. Spencer speculates that since CeCe supposedly left out of fear of Wilden, she (a) started the fire (b) killed Wilden -and- (c) is framing Ashley to cover her tracks. Spencer adds that CeCe suspiciously visited Mona in Radley, which reminds Toby that he needs to talk to Spencer alone.
In the kitchen, Toby asks how long ago Spencer found about CeCe. Toby asks if Spencer thinks CeCe could be the blonde that his mom’s unstable doctor warned him about.
Lor: They focus on the back of Caleb’s head so long afterward, that I’m pretty sure we’re meant to assume Caleb is listening. If so, he did the whole ear-buds in the ears but nothing playing thing, which is the signature move of office life.
Sweeney: Montgomery Manse. Mike returns and teases Aria for her poor lying – the “Skyping with mom” excuse she made up is one they could totally check. They got celebration food on the way home because after Ezra talked to the principal he finally said what he should have said all along, which is that if the police have no evidence that Mike did it, then the school certainly can’t punish him for it. Mike says that he wishes he had been guilty, though, because if people do shit like this to his sister again, he wants to be prepared.
Fields House. Emily is trying to look into the steak thing. Mama Fields comes up to ask her daughter about rescheduling the appointment because in spite of what Hanna is going through, Emily might not be able to swim again if she doesn’t take this seriously. Emily apologizes and offers to meet her mom at the station again tomorrow for the appointment, but Mama Fields sighs and confesses that she was suspended today. GOOD JOB, EM. As Mama Fields goes to call Papa Fields, Emily gets an A message on her computer:
Pedopartment. DAMN. I was so grateful for how long it had been since we saw this place. Aria knocks on the door but Ezra doesn’t answer so she tucks a card under the door. As she’s leaving she sees him in the hall and she thanks him and blah blah whatever I don’t care.
Lor: He says something about everything between them feeling impersonal lately. THAT’S A BREAK-UP, EZRA. Learn about it.
Sweeney: Prison. Hanna decides that she should come give legal advice like a fucking idiot. Hanna’s trying to urge her mother to claim it was self-defense because that’s the only way she won’t get put away for life. Ashley, thankfully, doesn’t take legal advice from a 17-year-old when she has a very expensive actual lawyer.
Back at the airport, Airport Guy is pouring coffee, apologizing to “Babe” for screwing up and getting his phone stolen by Caleb.
Lor: We don’t see “babe” but she has oversized sunglasses and I think the other thing on the table is a folded up white cane. Not pictured: Flute of Feels.
Sweeney: Fields House. Emily wakes up in the middle of the night and grabs the key. She starts to go downstairs but stops on the landing and hears her mom explaining to her husband that she’s been suspended without pay until they find the key or prove that she’s not at fault. She wonders if she should be looking for other work since they can’t afford to not have her income. She’s in the living room and she looks out the window just in time to dive out of the way of A CAR. SOMEONE THREW A CAR THROUGH THEIR WINDOW. This is some Next Level car-throwing, Rosewood! (L: A+. Same notes/thoughts.)
A-nonymous. A does some home repair shopping. “Home Repair for Morons” and a $50 gift card to the hardware store, addressed to Emily Fields. The ominous murder music sends us to the credits, but I don’t think the music guy was even watching this scene because that was actually pretty nice! I mean, in no way does $50 offset the physical/emotional damage of throwing a car through the window, but it’s a little, “OOPS, MY BAD!” token. Definitely a nice change of pace from the usual voodoo doll nonsense.
Next time on Pretty Little Liars: Hanna comes up with another crazy plan and this time turns to Mona for help in S04 E08 – The Guilty Girl’s Handbook.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
