The OC S02 E08 – The Power of Blah

Previously: Jimmy Cooper was a terrible, terrible father.
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The Power of Love

Molly: I feel like I should start by saying that I remember very little about season two. I diligently watched the entire season when it aired and then once again a few years ago when I scored the DVDs at Target for $10. But pretty much the entire season is one big blur of now-dated bands, bland love interests, and me wondering when Seth and Summer are going to get back together. So “The Power of Love” should be a fun trip down not-really-a-memory lane.

Marines: A+. “Not really a memory,” describes 95% of my OC experience. The other 5% is a mixture of adorable Seth, flying pool furniture and a certain alley in Tijuana.

Sweeney: Television’s gold standard depiction of Tijuana, really.

Molly: We open with Ryan pouring a bowl of cereal and answering the house phone with, “Cohen residence.” Do people actually answer the phone this way? I mean, I haven’t answered a landline call in about three years, but I definitely never did that in the past. I feel like it’s just a television and movie thing. (S: We definitely should have – our house always had a lot of, “Is Sweeney there?” from some of our less intelligent friends.) Anyway, it turns out it’s just Seth needing Ryan to cover for him since he banged Olivia Wilde last night. Ryan doesn’t want in on this charade, and Seth tries to convince him to help a brother out. Seeing Seth and Olivia Wilde together is really weird. I remember it being weird back when she was just a random actress, but it’s even weirder now that she’s actually famous.

Meanwhile, Sandy is getting dressed and Kirsten comes up behind him all sexy and seductive and wishes him a happy anniversary. Sandy clearly forgot because he has an “oh, shit” face. He also forgets how long they’ve been married and Kirsten calls him out on it. Sandy panics and promises her he has planned a celebration worthy of a 20th anniversary. They go downstairs and find that Seth is missing. Ryan comes up with the very specific excuse that he went to school early to finish a report on “the history of agriculture in 20th century California.” The ‘rents don’t buy it and the jig is up.

Mari: I bet if he had used less words and more brooding, they would’ve totally bought it.

Sweeney: Definitely all the words. Ryan using words is inherently suspicious.

Molly: At school, Seth chastises Ryan for being such a bad liar, but he doesn’t seem that upset. Probably because he just got laid by Olivia Wilde. Summer and her sweet but blah boyfriend Zach show up. Seth and Zach talk a bit about comic books and then Zach goes to buy coffee. I never really thought about how weird it was that there’s an actual coffee shop in their high school. That must be absolutely the lowest on the barista job food chain: serving lattes to rich white kids IN A HIGH SCHOOL. (M: I had never considered that; it’s terrifying.)

Seth and Summer then start to adorably banter, making me angry that the show ever bothered to keep them apart. It turns out that I will never get over these feelings. But the truth comes out that Seth spent the night with Olivia Wilde and Summer pretends to be cool with it but leaves in a huff once Zach returns with her now-unwanted coffee.

Sweeney: TV people rejecting food/coffee always upset me, but especially teenagers on high school shows with their insane HOURS of before-school hanging out time. You definitely need coffee to fuel that, Summer. Poor unwanted coffee.

Molly: Over at Caleb’s house (because that’s where Julie and Marissa live, which I somehow completely forgot), Marissa brattily asks for money, interrupting a conversation about some photo shoot. I can’t remember if Marissa is currently justified in hating her mom, but I tend to err on the side of Marissa being an irrational punk teenager.

Mari: A lot of column A (Julie Cooper is the worst) and a little of column B (Marissa is still a punk teenager).

Sweeney: Their scenes together are all miserable because they’re both awful.

Molly: Julie will only give her money if she behaves for the photo shoot and doesn’t bring her lowly gardener boyfriend. Caleb doesn’t give a shit about any of this and just hands Marissa a wad of cash as she leaves.

Ryan walks to class with his sweet but blah girlfriend, Lindsay. They discuss his inability to lie and how he thinks Kirsten is going to catch onto them dating. And ahhh, it suddenly comes back to me. Lindsay is Kirsten’s half-sister that we will never see again after her episode arc.

Sweeney: Aww, say it ain’t so! I love Lindsay!

Molly: I remember loving Lindsay when season two originally aired, but for some reason I just cannot with her on this rewatch. I’ve gotten cynical in my old age.

Back at the Cohen’s, Kirsten is freezing out Sandy, who is still pretending like he remembered their anniversary. Kirsten is very unimpressed. Either way, Kirsten doesn’t want to leave Seth alone because he might go have sex with his girlfriend. Sandy promises to put the fear of god into their son and Kirsten remains unimpressed. The boys come home and are summoned into the kitchen. Seth pulls the whole, “oops, we fell asleep watching television!!!” lie and they obviously don’t buy it because Sandy grounds them both, despite Ryan’s much lesser offense. Sandy asks if they know what this weekend is and is shocked to find out he’s the only one that didn’t remember their anniversary. The threat of making them staying with Julie Cooper-Nichol instead of home alone is enough to make them promise to be good. “Nothing like a little Julie Cooper to strike terror in the hearts of children everywhere,” Sandy quips to his wife. (M: Ha-ha-ha-terrible parenting!)

Elsewhere, Summer and Marissa are working on French homework and Summer complains that she was supposed to have sex again before Seth. Marissa actually gives some good advice to not compare the two relationships. Summer says, “I always thought that I would have sex first and then Cohen would catch syphilis in a public toilet.” Ha. Suddenly, Summer decides that she and Zach are ready. She asks how to say “let’s have sex” in French and wonders why they don’t teach them anything they can actually use. Fair point.

Sweeney: Yeah, but the Christina Aguilera/Li’l Kim/Maya/Pink cover of Lady Marmalade came out in 2001. Get it together, girl. Pop culture always has your back!

Molly: You’re right. It is totally unrealistic that Summer didn’t have that cover memorized down to the choreography.

Returning to the Cohen’s, Lindsay is allowed over because they’re “studying.” Meanwhile, Sandy decides that spending quality time as a family will both be more beneficial and also a better punishment, especially if Bill O’Reilly is involved. (S: TRUTH, but why would they punish themselves like that?) He goes upstairs to get Seth climbing out his bedroom window. Kirsten heads to the pool house to find her adopted son macking it with her half-sister to “Open Arms” by Journey. While I love the running gag of Ryan’s Journey love, if a dude ever put them on as mood music, I would head straight for the door. I might make an exception for “Faithfully,” but probably not. Kirsten is obviously horrified.

Mari: How much of that is by the song choice, we can only guess.

Molly: The next day, Sandy and Kirsten argue over which son they need to focus their energies on. It’s obviously Seth, though I admit Ryan’s romance with a pseudo family member is more than a little fucked up. They enter the kitchen to find that the boys have made a pancake feast as an apology. Obviously this does nothing but make me hungry. The boys leave with their heads down a la Charlie Brown and/or Arrested Development doing Charlie Brown. Sandy promises that their kids won’t ruin their anniversary.

Marissa’s sweet but blah boyfriend DJ arrives at the Nichols residence to pick up Marissa who first must fight with her mom about the photo shoot. Marissa agrees to come as long as she can bring her gardener boyfriend. Julie is not happy.

At school, Ryan and Lindsay have a boring conversation about Kirsten finding out about them. I actually remember kind of liking Lindsay when this first aired. The only explanation for that is that she wasn’t Marissa and I was determined to like anyone with Ryan who wasn’t Marissa. But now that I’m watching it again, she is truly the ultimate snoozefest.

Sweeney: SHUT YOUR MOUTH. She’s adorable. Not her best episode, but she’s adorable.

Molly: Next, Sandy goes to confront Olivia Wilde at the Bait Shop. Despite it being a weird scene, Sandy doesn’t ask her to stop seeing him, but instead just wants her to get him to follow their rules. She notes that she doesn’t have any experience with good parents and Sandy invites her over to the house and they’ll ground her too. It’s kind of cute, but still weird.

Meanwhile, Summer tells Zach that she wants to take things to the next level. Zach exuberantly agrees and adorably thinks she means meeting his parents. It’s such a television-y misunderstanding, but it still endears me a bit to Zach, despite his general blandness. Without realizing it, Summer has agreed to meet his parents and sister for lunch tomorrow. Girl just wanted to get laid.

Mari: For some reason, all I thought of while reading that was, “don’t want to meet your daddy, just want you in my Caddy…”

Molly: Seth goes to see Olivia Wilde and tries to get something going, but she stops him because he has good parents, basically. She tells him that they’re worried about him and that she feels compelled to listen to his dad. He’s mortified, of course, but unsurprised that Sandy would go to see her.

Later, Sandy and Kirsten continue to fight over the boys and their anniversary. Seth continues to be the worst and hasn’t come home yet. Kirsten refuses to leave them alone. They fight about Seth being in Portland over the summer and then it comes back to Sandy forgetting their anniversary. Kirsten tells him she canceled their reservations for the weekend.

The next day, Sandy sits down with Seth to ask what’s going on with him. Seth admits that he feels like he has to impress Olivia Wilde when he’s with her, so he hasn’t been acting like himself. Ryan comes home and apologizes about lying about his relationship with Lindsay. Sandy then frets about his marriage and the boys ask what they can do to help.

Boring Lindsay goes to visit Kirsten at her office to apologize for not telling her about her relationship with Ryan. Kirsten sister breaks up Lindsay and tells her that while she’s seeing Ryan, the two of them need to take a step back. It’s weird but still boring because Lindsay is the epitome of boring.

Mari: Everyone needs to calm down. Probably, though, this blog has traumatized me when it comes to incest, so I’m all, “GUYS! THERE’S NOT EVEN ANY BLOOD RELATION!”

Sweeney: Also, this was not Kirsten’s best moment. After everything Lindsay’s been through, growing up fatherless and whatnot, pulling the whole, “Yeeeeaaah, maybe not about the family thing,” was pretty fucked up. There are about a thousand other ways she could have asked for space and time without asking for WE’RE NOT SISTERS NOW space and time.

Molly: Summer and Zach arrive at lunch with his family and Summer soon finds out that she’s in over her head. She mistakes a conversation about Kashmir for a conversation about Pashminas and it is pretty mortifying to watch. I had to watch through my fingers.

Sweeney: SAME. Gore and second hand embarrassment are the two things that will drive me to cover my face while watching TV/movies.

Molly: Seth goes to the Bait Shop to try to get his job back. Olivia Wilde is less than enthused and reminds Seth how lucky he is that he has parents who care about him. She knows they’ll never approve of her, but she ends up giving him his job back.

Over at Caleb’s, the photographer is trying to get a shot of the trio smiling, but no one is particularly thrilled about this situation.

As if things couldn’t get worse for Julie, Marissa’s peasant boyfriend shows up. DJ leaves when he realizes he’s unwanted and Marissa says she’s out. Julie levels with her and tries to go get him back if it means Marissa will be in the picture. I feel like we can all agree that Marissa remains the worst and can easily be left out of this picture. Julie is also the worst, but at least she’s entertaining about it. Instead of asking DJ to come back, Julie tries to pay him to never see her daughter again. $5000. TAKE THAT DEAL!!! I WISH SOMEONE WOULD PAY ME TO NEVER SEE MARISSA AGAIN!!! Julie reminds DJ that Marissa is only using him as revenge against Julie and he reluctantly takes the check.

Mari: MONEY! MONEY! MONEY!

Molly: Ryan and boring Lindsay meet on the pier. They both have big news! Lindsay makes Ryan go first and he crushes her hopes and dreams by saying they need to take some space because it’s causing problems between Sandy and Kirsten. “Two hours ago, I had a sister and a boyfriend and now all I have are friends,” Lindsay says as she tries to storm off. Ryan wants to know what she’s talking about and Lindsay says Kirsten essentially made her choose between the two of them and Lindsay stupidly chose Ryan. Now that she has been dumped, the sister thing is looking a lot better. The grass is always greener, and all that.

Back at the Cohen’s, the boys sit at the kitchen table doing their homework. Sandy enters and exuberantly kisses his wife on the cheek, insisting that they’re still going to celebrate their anniversary. Kirsten is all, “oh hell naw,” but in walk two cop friends that Sandy has gotten to watch their punk kids. Ha. The pair go to dinner and it is not going swimmingly. Sandy just wanted to give her a nice anniversary. Kirsten understands and apologizes for bringing up Seth’s summer in Portland last night, she’s just worried about losing him. The pair have made amends and decide to enjoy the rest of the evening. That is until the cops walk in and tell them that the boys escaped. They’re not sure how, they just stepped outside for a minute! Uh oh…

Sweeney: We have a whole tag and annual award for the laughably bad police work that keeps the plot engine running on TV, but cops who couldn’t even babysit might be some sort of special LOLPD achievement.

Molly: Meanwhile, Summer sits in front of her television, adorably watching the news. Marissa walks in and notes the bevy of news magazines in front of her. Summer worries she’ll never catch up with everything because it’s always changing. Marissa tells Summer to return Zach’s four voicemails. “If Zach wants to dump me, he can do it in person,” aw, Summer baby. Marissa notes that she hasn’t heard from DJ since the photo shoot and worries about what her mom said to him. There’s an adorable/embarrassing moment where Summer compares Seth to Kofi Annan, an employee of United Airlines.

In the back of the cop car, Kirsten says they never should have left the boys. Sandy asks them to hurry up. They show up at the Bait Shop, presumably to bust their sons. Kirsten is not happy and Sandy promises that there’s no more Mr. Nice Guy from him. But first… SURPRISE! It’s an anniversary party! Sandy orchestrated the whole thing. Seth and Ryan give a sweet toast and then introduce the man himself, Sandy Cohen, who once played Danny Zuko at UC Berkeley, to do a little number. Kirsten is horrified, though she is smiling. Cute. (S: As we were informed by another recapper, Peter Gallagher legit played this part on Broadway in 1978.) Sandy thanks his sons and their new friend, Olivia Wilde. He hopes that Kirsten will forgive him for this and starts singing some song that I don’t know and don’t feel like looking up. But he’s pretty good! The eyebrows can sing. (M: The eyebrows can do whatever the eyebrows want to do.)

While he’s singing, Zach approaches Summer who is reading a newspaper. She knows why he’s there: he’s going to break up with her. Zach tells Summer that there’s lots of ways to be smart and he likes her because she isn’t like his family. It’s all very sweet, despite Zach’s general mehness. Julie tells Marissa that she gave DJ a test by paying him money to stay away, which he obviously has. Ryan and Kirsten talk about Lindsay a bit. Ryan hopes the sisters can be friends, above all else. Kirsten assures him they will, but thinks that right now, Ryan and Lindsay should go dance. Ryan smiles at the idea because he hasn’t realized how boring she is yet. He goes over to Lindsay and apologizes for wanting to break up. They dance and it should be cute but I just don’t care. Seth then introduces Olivia Wilde to his mom. Kirsten thanks her for the party, both of them agreeing it was the least she could do after corrupting her son. Olivia Wilde tells Kirsten how much Sandy rocks and Kirsten begs her not to tell him that.

Outside, Marissa angsts on the pier. DJ shows up to break things off. He tells her he didn’t take the money and that it’s not about her mom. He reminds her she can’t blame Julie for everything. It has more to do with Marissa’s horrible personality than anything, apparently. I still think he should have cashed the check, but perhaps he’s a better person than me. (M: And me. You saw my money chant.) (S: I was letting your chant speak for both of us but let it be known that I, too, would have felt owed that money, really, for putting up with her for as long as he did.)

The whole gang, boring significant others and Olivia Wilde included, forms a line to listen to Sandy break it down. Ben McKenzie’s sort-of-dancing is particularly endearing. I hope he dances on Gotham sometime. And that’s the episode! Everyone almost broke up except for Marissa and DJ who actually broke up. Overall, a pretty forgettable episode in a season full of forgettable episodes. But at least we had Sandy and Kirsten to remind us that they were one of the best marrieds on television.

 

Next time on The OC: Ryan blames Marissa for getting Lindsay drink in S02 E09 – The Ex Factor.