Dawson’s Creek S02 E22 – Wacky Inflatable Arm-Flailing Tube Man

Previously: Andie left town, Jack and Jen became brOTP roomies, and Dawson saw Joey’s dad with an extremely large bag of cocaine.
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Parental Discretion Advised

Democracy Diva: Shrine O’Spielberg. Dawson shuts off the movie because there’s too much unrequited love for him to handle. Joey thrives off love stories like that; she thinks love stories that don’t end are more romantic than anything else. But Dawson calls it tragedy. He stammers that her love for sad love stories might be affecting her own life. Like by making her not have sex with you? Nice try, bro. Joey says it does affect her, but in a positive way. Because in spite of the circumstances that tear the characters apart, they never stop loving, even without a happy ending. Dawson asks if she’ll always love him, no matter the circumstances. She smiles and kisses him and says it doesn’t matter, because they get a happy ending. I HAVE A FEELING IT WILL MATTER, THOUGH. Because, let’s face it, this show is about as subtle as a giant neon sign that says “PLOT DEVICE” with a wacky inflatable arm-flailing tube man next to it.

Kirsti: A+ and 1430. Perfect gif is perfect. Because yeah, that line was like being beaten over the head with Mjolnir while Loki stood by claiming it wasn’t important. Uh huh. Sure, show. ALSO. I literally just noticed that the font they used for the title in the credits bears a striking resemblance to the handwritten “BUFFY” that we were treated to for the first couple of seasons. 

Diva: Aw, I miss that handwritten “Buffy.”

Leery Manor. Dawson’s seeking advice from Gail about the whole “Joey’s dad is still dealing drugs” thing, but without actually telling her the details. Gail uses way too many words because, you know, apple, tree, all that. I didn’t catch a word of it, it happened so fast. Gail breaks the news that she’s taking the job in Philly. He asks if that is what she really wants and she gives a non-answer.

Dawson picks Joey up for school. An awkward convo with Mr. Potter ensues, and by awkward I mean Dawson straight-up asks if he’s doing anything illegal. Great plan, bro. (K: My notes say “Dawson, WHAT THE FUCK.”) Joey comes back and her dad tells them they can study at the Ice House while it’s closed for renovations.

Jen and Jack at school. Jen was up all night writing a paper on teen suicide. Jack asks why she has so much to say about it and she says don’t worry about it, that’s not where my head is at right now. Jack is all, well what does that mean, and she explains that there’s a high percentage of teens who have considered suicide. Jack says yes, and he gets that, but the world doesn’t scare him as much as it used to. Grams shows up and asks how Jen is doing and invites her to come back home. Jen says she has a home,  and then Grams said, “I know you want your independence, but this situation isn’t right.” That’s true, Grams, but it’s you who created that situation, not Jen. She tells him she and Jack will be fine, because they’re the Official Snark Lady brOTP. Jen accuses her of not considering WHY she left, and she and Jack walk away.

Mr. Witter drops Pacey off at school. Or picks him up, I don’t know, time doesn’t exist in this universe. Pacey hears something on the… police radio walkie-talkie thing that definitely has a real name that I’m blanking on – about the Ice House and is like, please stop harassing my friend’s dad. Mr. Witter says he’s just doing his job and tells Pacey not to fuck up his exams. Pacey sarcastically is like, thanks for your support, dick! Mr. Witter grabs his arm and tells him some girl isn’t worth messing up his life with his shitty attitude.

K: Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh. Mr. Witter is the ACTUAL FUCKING WORST. He’s worse than Jerky McPhee, and that’s saying something. Like, if he’d shown something resembling genuine concern, I might have been willing to give him some kind of free pass on this one, because he makes a decent point (albeit in a really shitty way). But no. He’s basically all “Don’t make me look bad by being a fuck up”.

Diva: Yeah, there’s a lot of negligent parenting on this show, but Mr. Witter is the worst of the worst. And not just because we love Pacey more than everyone else. Anyway, Pacey leaves the car in a huff. Dawson shows up and asks Pacey if he’s heard from Andie. But he hasn’t.

Exam Timez. Pacey looks like he has no fucks to give.

Ice House. Dawson is all, HEY I KNOW YOU’RE STILL DEALING DRUGS to Mr. Potter. He thinks it’s bullshit that he’s trafficking coke through the Ice House. Dawson tells him to nut up and protect his family or get the fuck out of town.

K: This was so fucking bizarre. The whole thing came across like Dawson was blackmailing Mr. Potter. 

Diva: It didn’t read that way to me, maybe because the idea of Dawson being intimidating enough to blackmail someone was just impossible for my brain to comprehend. To me, it just sounded like the empty threats of a child who has an extremely limited worldview.

Gail talks to Mitch about the plans for the move. She drops this whole thing of him moving into their house and taking full-time care of Dawson on Mitch LITERALLY THE DAY BEFORE she’s leaving, because she’s TERRIBLE. Mitch is a bit of a dick and Gail says, I’m doing this and Dawson supports it.. And he looks at her like, well what were you going to do with our kid if I said I didn’t want to live in your house? But doesn’t actually say that, because stupid show is stupid.

K: #accurate. Also, what the fuck is with all these people who announce major, life changing departures like TWELVE HOURS before they leave town?!?!?

Diva: The Powers That Be Contriving move too quickly to give people time to pack up their belongings, or think about major life decisions, or any normal leaving-town things like that.

Ice House Study Sesh. Mr. Witter shows up and asks what Pacey is doing there. He asks if Mr. Potter is around and he magically appears. They go to talk in private. Joey asks Pacey what’s going on, but he has no idea. In some shady back room somewhere, Mr. Witter shows Mr. Potter a photo and Mr. P is all, yeah that’s my old buddy! He insists it’s just a social relationship, that’s it, no drugs here, no sir-ee. Joey comes back and asks if her help is needed back here, but really she means GET THE FUCK OUT OR GET A WARRANT, so Mr. Witter gives up and says good night and compliments the renovations. He leaves, and Joey asks her dad what’s going on. Her dad says it’s nothing; Joey believes him and says they can just ignore this bit of police harassment. Dawson walks over and asks if she’s okay. She wants to know why Mr. Witter is doing this when her dad is so not a criminal anymore. Joey tells him he should be mad with her, because he’s part of her family now. Dawson’s like oh ok then GRRR ANGER. Mr. Potter takes a suspicious-looking package into a back office and looks miserable. He lowers the blinds.

Jen and Jack at brOTP Palace. Jen says she doesn’t want to go back to living with Grams, but Jack says Grams is right. Jack can’t live with his family right now, but Jen can. Jen is all, why are you kicking me out? Jack asks if that’s what she did to Grams – twist around her words to make it seem like she wanted her to leave. Uh, no, that’s not at all what happened. GRAMS TOLD HER TO LEAVE. But Jack gives it to her straight and says they’re both going to be homeless when his dad sells brOTP Palace, and Jen mumbles that she’ll put herself out of her misery. Jack freaks out because the casual references to suicide are worrisome. Jen says she’ll move out tonight.

K: Season 2 has been really rough for Jen. I’m glad we’re finally at the end of it…

Diva: Agreed.

A molotov cocktail explodes inside a building and starts burning. Pacey and his dad are outside, talking by the car. Turns out, Pacey didn’t write a single word on either of his exams and the teacher is kinda worried. Pacey says it doesn’t matter. Mr. Witter tells him to leave the Ice House because Mr. Potter is a felon and it makes him look bad for his child to like, associate with felons’ children, or something. Pacey is all, fuck that noise. His dad grabs his arm and Pacey pulls away and starts to say “get your hands off me” but his father punches him in the goddamn face and I SCREAM at my computer screen.

K: Right there with you. Especially because it’s pretty damned obvious from Pacey’s reaction that it’s not the first time his father’s hit him. 

Diva: Mr. Potter is in the bathroom dumping loads of cocaine down the toilet while the building is burning around him. (K: Um. Throw it IN THE FIRE maybe?!?! I mean, IDK if that works, but it seems a better bet than trying to flush it while the building burns. I tried a Questionable Google Search of the Day, but it just gave me a ton of “a cocaine addict accidentally set fire to their apartment” results…) (D: At least you put in the effort. And are way less dumb than Mr. Potter.)

The kids smell smoke in the next room. Dude, you’re supposed to wait until the building is empty before you commit arson for the insurance money. Otherwise it’s, you know, kinda like murder. Joey and Dawson and the rest run in screaming, including Pacey and his dad. Mr. Potter just yells at Joey to leave, because he totally cares for her safety even though HE COULDN’T WAIT UNTIL THE ICE HOUSE WAS EMPTY TO SET IT ON FUCKING FIRE. Sense – THIS MAKES NONE. Anyway, Pacey runs Joey out of there, Dawson and Mr. Witter extinguishes the fires. The gang just watch as Dawson and the dads come staggering out of the flames.

Dawson asks if this is Mr. Potter’s way of taking care of shit. He urges him to go to the cops. Joey comes over and calls Dawson a hero. Her father agrees. But Dawson says some situations are too tragic to have a hero and this is one of them. Gail and Mitch run over and hug Dawson. Joey and her dad hug too, and Bessie and a baby that has not grown at all in the last year run over too.

K: RIGHT?! It’s bizarre.

Diva: Pacey and his dad talk about the likelihood of this being random arson and not a fire set by Mr. Potter and/or his drug buddies. Mr. Witter tells him to take his keys and drive home before he continues embarrassing himself. (LOL YOU’RE SUCH AN EMBARRASSMENT STOP RESCUING YOUR FRIENDS FROM BURNING BUILDINGS.) Pacey says he’d rather walk, and his shit dad is like, cool, IDGAF. Pacey says, yeah, I kinda realized that, and Mr. Witter apologizes to his buddies, explaining that Pacey’s girlfriend moved away and now he’s on his period. Pacey tells his father to screw himself, and when his dad starts to pull him aside Pacey freaks out and says don’t touch me again, EVER. His dad congratulates him on growing a pair now that a crazy girl broke his heart, and Pacey punches him IN THE FACE. Pacey calls him a son of a bitch and tells him that Andie cared more for Pacey in six months than his father did in a lifetime. He tells her father to never make fun of Andie again, and I cheer. Pacey says even if Mr. Potter burned the Ice House to the ground himself, he’s still Sandy Fucking Cohen compared to Mr. Witter.

K: I cheered so fucking loudly during this scene. It was amazing from start to finish. And can be summarised thusly:

Diva: Bessie tells Mr. Potter that they have to go over the insurance paperwork. Joey asks why the Ice House is taped off by police, and her dad says it’s standard procedure. Joey wants to know why the cops are all up their asses (um, because there was a fire?), and Bessie tells her to drop it. But Joey asks her dad to swear that he didn’t know anything about who started that fire. He gets up and gets all serious and swears, and Joey smiles and hugs him. Wacky Inflatable Arm-Flailing Tube Man tells me HE IS LYING.

Mitch and Gail talking to Dawson. They tell him to go to the cops with what he knows about Mr. Potter. He doesn’t know how to do this to Joey, but they say it’s Mr. Potter’s fault, not his. Which, true. His parents urge him to do the right thing and report what he saw to the police. There’s nothing else he can do. Dawson says, actually, there’s one more option.

Jack and Jen. He asks her why she didn’t run away from the fire. She says she was in shock but he’s not buying it. He wants to know how serious she is when she talks about suicide. Jen insists she’s not the kind of person who takes her own life, but she kept thinking that maybe the fire was fate’s way of giving her an out. Jen cries and tells Jack that she doesn’t want to die, but she didn’t care enough to run. Jack gets it – pushing people away because you’re hating yourself. He tells her she can’t push everyone away and reaches out a hand.

#broTP4EVA

K: I HAVE SO MANY JEN FEELS. I really wasn’t kidding a few episodes ago when I said that season 2 can be summed up as “Jen is sad and friendless”. There’s been a lot of time dedicated to Andie’s mental health problems this season and Jen’s storyline has been kind of shoved to the background lately because of it. So it’s great that in the season finale, we finally get to see just how bad things have gotten for her, and that she FINALLY has someone who notices and sees through her bullshit and cares enough to help her through it. GODDAMMIT, HAYFEVER. GO AWAY.

Diva: I spent half the episodes of this season being like, “Is everyone still REALLY ignoring Jen?” Right after her grandfather died, and right after Abby died – no one had any fucks to give for our mourning girl, and I absolutely hated that. I think that’s part of what makes us platonic-ship Jack and Jen so hard – we’re just desperate for her to have a friend who actually gives a shit about her.

Dawson and Joey sitting outside her house. Dawson tells her that her dad is dealing drugs again. And that the fire was partially his responsibility. Joey says he swore he didn’t have anything to do with it, but Dawson says he lied. Joey says, no, I believe him, and also stop fucking up my family, please. Dawson explains that if they go to the police now, they might be able to get him a plea deal. Joey understandably freaks out, and tells Dawson she’s not going to turn in her own father. She wants to know why Dawson’s involving himself; he won’t let her risk her life for someone who’s putting it in danger. Joey tells him to mind his own fucking business, because their relationship will not survive this. Dawson says he’ll take that risk, because he cares about her more than keeping her, and he has to do the right thing.

Mr. Witter in his office with Joey, Dawson, Mitch, and Gail. Mr. Witter tells Joey that her father he was tipped off by his competitors. If Mr. Potter doesn’t help the police get those guys in prison, they’ll help the police get Mr. Potter. (K: Huh?!) (D: I didn’t understand this either.) Mr. Witter says she’s putting her whole family in danger, but Joey replies that what’s good for her family is keeping it together and trusting each other. She trusts her father more than she trusts any of them.

K: Legit, girl. I mean, your father may be all kinds of fucked up, but at least he hasn’t punched you in the face lately. Also, he’s not pressuring a sixteen year old into giving up her father on drugs charges, so…yeah.

Diva: Yeah, I’ll take the coke-dealing dad over the physically and emotionally abusive cop dad any day of the week. Anyway, Dawson asks for a moment alone. Instead of taking Joey outside like normal people would, he makes the cop leave his own office and kicks out his parents too. Um, that’s kind of rude. Anyway, Dawson reminds Joey that they’re all just trying to help. She accuses him of coming to her with the decision to turn her father in already made, and he says there was no other choice. Yes, Joey tells him, in the black-and-white world of Dawson Leery, there is only right and wrong. But Joey sees gray, and there were choices, and that philosophical difference is what is tearing them apart.

Gail and Mitch, talking about how Dawson is their one success. Mitch is all, “We’ve had more success than THAT, Gail,” which I’m going to accept as a Dawson insult and laugh hysterically at. He says Dawson almost dying in that fire made him feel like a father and a husband again, or something more romantic than that. He gets down on one knee and begs Gail to stay here with him and Dawson. Gail confesses she has prayed for this day, but when it didn’t happen, she started seeing this new job for what it really was. It felt right. He says they can feel right again too, but she says they’ll never have what they used to have. So she is going to do what’s right for both of them and take the unplanned route in hopes that they can stumble upon what they lost later on. This doesn’t make a lot of sense but, I guess I shouldn’t expect it to. Whatever. Then they use their kid as a metaphor for their relationship again, and it’s still weird.

K: Essentially, it can be summed up as “Mitch is a douchecanoe because he knew she wanted to get back together for, like, THE ENTIRE YEAR, but he waited until she’s literally about to leave town to be all “Yeah, okay, maybe we should try again because Hollywood Sabbatical has mysteriously vanished from the script”. That jerkface.

Diva: Yeah, I completely forgot about Hollywood Sabbatical! I wonder how she feels about being a plot device to shove Mitch and Gail back together.

Jen lugs her suitcase around and sees Grams folding laundry on the porch. Alanis is playing and I have TOO MANY FEELS related to this song. Jen says she has three conditions: 1) they address what’s really wrong with their relationship. She never felt good enough for her grandmother. 2) Grams needs to acknowledge that Jen has been through a lot of shit and needs to be supported, not judged. Grams agrees to that. Jen doesn’t need a legal guardian to survive, but she WANTS to live with Grams. With her family. Taking care of each other. And not being alone anymore. Grams cries and hugs her and Alanis is screaming and I am totally tearing up. And the best part is Condition #3: you have to let my gay best friend live with us too! Grams is like, well, okay, might as well.

AND THE BROTP CONTINUES!

K: EXCUSE ME WHILE I CRY FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER. Partly because of feels, partly because the brOTP lives 5eva, and partly because this marks the point where Grams goes from being a judgey religious bitch to the greatest adult on the show. 

Diva: YES, YES, YES TO ALL OF THAT.

Pacey and his father on the docks. Pacey won’t apologize for punching him, and his dad admits he deserved the punch. Mr. Witter says Andie called today, and they talked for a long time. She was chatty, but sounded very sweet. He apologizes for talking shit about her when he doesn’t even know her. Pacey accepts his apology, but he’s not done. Mr. Witter says he knows even less about his own son – he didn’t know about any of the shit they’d been through this year. Andie called Pacey her hero, Mr. Witter says, and Pacey looks emotional and I’m fully crying right now. Mr. Witter called the school; the teachers are going to let Pacey make up his finals next week. Pacey thanks him and his father admits it’s the least he could do. Which it is. The very fucking least.

He apologizes for not being the kind of dad Pacey could share things with and Pacey fully cries and I’m destroyed in a heap on the floor with all my fucking feels. He says Andie wanted his dad to give him something, and he pulls Pacey in for a hug.  A quick one, until Pacey sobs and pulls him back and cries and says he misses her so much, it’s killing him.

Pacey’s dad says he knows and just holds his son like a goddamn decent father for once in his miserable life.

K: I have millions and millions of feels, but they’re all for Pacey. Mr Witter gets no forgiveness from me EVER. Because no parent should have to be TOLD BY A SIXTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL A HUNDRED MILES AWAY that they should probably hug their kid once in a while. And sorting out Pacey’s exams was LITERALLY the least you could do. You’re still on negative one billion Sandy Cohen eyebrows. This doesn’t even earn you an eyebrow hair, because you suck, Mr Witter. You fucking suck. (It’s possible I have very strong feelings about this character…)

Diva: I could not agree more. All Pacey feels, all the time, but NO FEELS FOR MR. WITTER. And there was something heartbreaking about how quick Pacey was to forgive his terrible, terrible father, because that’s how badly he wanted and needed a dad. Even a shitty dad. Ugh, Pacey, just come live with us in Snark HQ. We will never make you cry.

Potter House. Joey sort of limps in like she can’t even move, which is an acting choice I simply do not understand. Unless she’s injured from the fire. Anyway, she tells her dad she was with the police. She asks if he’s dealing drugs again and he bursts into tears and nods. Joey cries and asks him why. He wanted to provide for his family because it worked out awesome for Walter White, but Joey says he was supposed to start fresh. He says he knows he’s been a failure for not being able to provide for them. She tells him that he ruined everything, and they could have died in that fire. He says he nows and he wishes he had died in that fire. He apologizes and Joey closes her eyes and gets a cold as shit look on her face like she’s going to either pass out or kill him. She says she’s sorry too, and she took care of it for him. She lifts up the bottom of her shirt and shows him the wire she’s wearing. She weeps (sort of – Katie Holmes isn’t great at producing tears on command, but she shakes and closes her eyes) and apologizes, and he tells her not to be sorry.

K: Okay, who the fuck lets a sixteen year old girl wear a wire and get her father to confess?? I have literally no words to describe the bizarre and inept choices made by the Capeside Police Department. 

Diva: I think it’s sad that this didn’t even strike me as weird, because I’m so used to Traumaland’s ridiculously ineffective and/or illegal police departments. But this was BEYOND INSANE. Anyway, they go outside where the cops are waiting. Bessie is holding a baby twice the size of the one she was carrying yesterday. He is beautiful. Bessie can’t even look at her father. Joey watches the police take him away. Bessie just glares at Joey and walks inside without a word. Joey turns and sees Dawson. The tinkly orchestra of feels comes in. Dawson asks if he can do anything, and she’s like, dude, NO. Dawson says she did the right thing, but Joey disagrees. He did the right thing, but she didn’t. Dawson says they both did what they had to, and Joey looks at him like she’s going to murder his face off. Instead, she just tells him that she hopes that one day she’ll forgive her father for all this. And maybe she can’t forgive herself. But she knows she will never forgive Dawson, and she doesn’t want to know him anymore. JOIN THE FUCKING CLUB, JOEY.

K: I may have cheered when Joey dumped his miserable ass. Also, as a random aside, apparently when they filmed this, they hadn’t heard whether the show was going to be renewed or not, which is why it feels so…final. And as much as I love seasons 3 and 4, I can’t help but wish a little bit that the show had finished right here, with Dawson’s perfect little life crushed into millions of pieces due to decisions that he made. Because LOLOLOLOLOLOL. 

D: We’re easy to please. Just give us Dawson, broken and miserable, and we’re happy as can be.

 
 

Next time on Dawson’s Creek: Dawson comes back home after a summer in Philly in S03 E01 – Like A Virgin.