Kirsti: WE SUCCESSFULLY FINISHED ANOTHER THING!!! And what a ride it was. So let’s celebrate with another effing dance, because that’s what Traumaland does best:
This season was rough. It had some amazing moments and there were some concepts that were pretty revolutionary for the time that it covered really brilliantly. But there were also a lot of really horrific and cringeworthy moments that made me want to headdesk and/or murder a fictional character. Usually Dawson, to be honest…
Anyway, let’s rank this season and move on to season 3, source of many squees (at least for me):
- …That Is the Question – This episode was amazing. Easily the best episode we’ve seen so far. The acting was great, there were a ton of feels and, as we discussed when the recap went up, it was pretty revolutionary for the time. And I really liked that it covered not only Jack’s feelings around coming out, but all the ways that his friends and family members reacted to the news.
- The All-Nighter – This was fun from start to finish. Except for the nonsense with Chris’ annoying little sister… I think of it fondly, and that’s pretty rare for this show, so it gets to sit near the top of the rankings.
- To Be Or Not To Be… – A lot of this was build-up for the second part (sitting up there in first place), but there was still a lot of great stuff in here, along with a hell of a lot of feels.
- Parental Discretion Advised – This was a pretty great end to the season. While Dawson was awful as always and every parent in it made me want to throw things at my television (especially Mr Witter), I had so many feels over Pacey standing up to his father, and Jen and Grams reuniting, and Jack getting a home again and ALL THE THINGS OMG. Plus, Joey dumping Dawson’s miserable ass would have been a pretty great end to the series if it hadn’t been renewed.
- Reunited – I have zero fucks to give about the Joey/Dawson reunion and the subsequent awkward dating, or the “oh no, TWO Leery parties?!” drama that happens at the restaurant. But everything that happens with Andie was utterly fabulous and feels-tastic.
- Ch…Ch…Ch…Changes – Basically, FEELS. Although Dawson being his usual “I’m going to turn my final paper into a movie!” self was awful, as always.
- High Risk Behaviour – This was fun, but not the memorable kind of fun that The All-Nighter was. If that makes sense…
- Alternative Lifestyles – If nothing else, this was a fun concept. The jocks being told they’re a gay couple was great, and Andie and Pacey were fabulous. Jen was kind of a creeper, and Joey was AWFUL to Bessie. But the concept – and Abby’s gherkin jokes – were enough to put it into the top ten.
- Psychic Friends – The friendship between Joey and Jack in this episode is excellent. And I think it did a pretty good job of covering the idea that coming out doesn’t mean out-and-ready-to-date. Plus, Dawson and his crappy movie got shot down and that made me laugh.
- The Kiss – Honestly, this is only ranked this high because of the introduction of new characters. Everything that happens between Dawson and Joey is ugh-worthy.
- The Reluctant Hero – I honestly don’t remember what happened in this episode apart from Pacey saving the day. I guess that makes it decidedly middle-of-the-road.
- The Dance – A whole big bundle of I-don’t-care. Although it gave us the start of Jack and Jen’s friendship, so I guess that’s something.
- Crossroads – Dawson Leery, worst friend ever. Everything that happens between Joey and Dawson was terrible. But Pacey and Andie were adorable, and the friendship between Pacey and Jen was pretty fabulous too. Even if the seasons confused us for all eternity…
- Uncharted Waters – If I were basing things solely on Mr Witter’s presence, this would be firmly down the bottom because OH MY GOD I HATE THAT CHARACTER SO MUCH. But that scene at the end with Pacey telling his passed-out-drunk father about Andie was so phenomenal that it dragged this episode all the way up to the middle of the field.
- Sex, She Wrote – This was utterly dramatic and over the top. And yet it somehow managed to suck less than everything that comes after it. That Pacey and Andie scene at the end helped a lot.
- His Leading Lady – As much as I loved the chance to use nothing but She’s All That gifs, Rachael Lee Cook’s character was a total batshit crazy stalker person. Plus, I have no fucks to give about Dawson’s stupid autobiographical movie. The less said about it, the better.
- Abby Morgan, Rest in Peace – I have feels for Jen in this episode, but I also have a lot of “Oh God, just shut your teenage mouth and let her parents think their daughter was a saint” feels. And then that Andie-sees-dead-people plot twist at the end was just dumb.
- The Election – No teacher or school staff member in their right mind would have let Abby keep making that speech about Andie’s mental health. The whole thing was an excuse to have everyone find out – much like Jack’s poem – but it grated the whole way through. Not even Pacey’s sneaky getting-Abby-to-announce-how-stupid-everyone-is trick at the end could save it.
- A Perfect Wedding – This wasn’t bad, per se. It was just boring. I don’t care about Papa Potter’s stupid “let’s cater weddings!” idea, I don’t care about Dawson and Joey getting back together, I don’t care about all the major characters banding together with contrivance to all be in attendance, I don’t even really care about Abby’s white girl wasted death. Sure, it was shocking when it aired. But it comes across now as such a total PSA.
- Full Moon Rising – This was just stupid. The full moon may make people slightly weird (I once saw a guy walking through a Canberra shopping centre wearing a ghillie suit during a full moon), but it doesn’t dictate this level of fuckery.
- Be Careful What You Wish For – DAWSON LEERY, YOU ARE A DESPICABLE HUMAN BEING. Not even spontaneously composed rhyming blues songs about how much your life sucks can make up for this abysmal nonsense.
- Tamara’s Return – I honestly didn’t think I’d be ranking anything below Dawson’s monumental birthday douchery, but Tamara’s return was just nonsensical bullshit and I still think her wearing prison orange when she and Pacey kissed is the most appropriate thing this show has ever done.
Democracy Diva: The introduction of Andie and Jack made this show INFINITELY more bearable. No wonder I hated Season 1 so much – Pacey was less involved, and there weren’t enough other characters to focus on besides the dreaded Dawson/Joey drama. So this season was much easier to stomach.
- To Be Or Not To Be… – Pacey takes on the world’s most evil teacher, and we have all the #Jackfeels.
- High Risk Behavior – Very little Dawson & Joey scenes means I loved this episode. And there was so much loveable awkwardness, from the queerbaiting opening scene, to Joey sketching nude!Jack, to Pacey planning Andie’s dream losing-her-V-card scenario but never even remotely pressuring her to have sex, and not taking a “maybe” as a “Yes.”
- The All-Nighter – Pacey in a wet tee shirt? I’m sold. The jumping-in-the-pool and sleeping-on-the-football-field scenes made this one of my favorite episodes thusfar.
- The Dance – 1,000 points added for Andie’s rendition of the Footloose dance. And Pacey’s refusal to dance allowed me to bring in some epic High School Musical giffage. Plus, the seeds were planted for the greatest brOTP known to man – Jack and Jen. And Pacey and Andie kissed!
- …That is the Question – The show dealt with Jack’s coming out in a shockingly sensitive, forward-thinking way. And then the Snark Ladies murdered Jerky McPhee, and everything was better.
- Reunited – After the joy of a pillow fight, this episode took a dark-as-fuck turn. But it also displayed the truly magnificent acting skills of Meredith Monroe and Joshua Jackson, who could not have given me more feels if they’d tried.
- Abby Morgan, Rest In Peace – Michelle Williams knocked this out of the park, acting-wise.
- Psychic Friends – Needs less emo Dawson, and more blushing Pacey doing a terrible French-Canadian accent for a police safety mascot. And that psychic was no Professor Trelawney. But we had some cute development in the Grams/Jen relationship and the Jack/Joey friendship. Also, Grams and Joey both got makeovers, so that was cute. Also, Hollywood Sabbatical hates Dawson’s movie, so that’s nice.
- Alternative Lifestyles – “Jerkin’ his gherkin,” school projects that make jerky jocks turn into loving gay couples and force Andie and Pacey to apartment hunt together = awesome. But then Mitch basically forced an open marriage onto Gail, because then he wouldn’t have to trust her anymore, and shit stopped making sense entirely. Also, Jen throwing herself at Dawson was uncomfortable to watch.
- Crossroads – Pacey declaring that he’s getting his own storyline? Obviously, I’m on board. Dawson was even more horrible than usual, but at least we spent a lot of time focused on Pacy and his feels. So much so that we hired Intern Pacey to join the Snark Squad team. However, major points deducted for that absurdly over-the-top scene of Dawson and Joey walking towards each other in slow motion in the pouring rain.
- Sex, She Wrote – The “whodunit” concept was a good one in theory, but this episode was mostly dumb as shit, and Abby was a monster. At least a soaking-wet Pacey tells Andie he loes her.
- The Election – Abby continued her reign of terror, but Joey got to dump water on her and Pacey got to outsmart her via the school’s loudspeaker system, so that was fun!
- Ch…Ch…Changes – All the Jerky McPhee stuff was super-contrived and lacked our human logic. Also, sweaty Dawson is gross. BUT OUR BROTP BECAME ROOMIES YAAAAAY
- Parental Discretion Advised – Jen/Jack/Grams as roomies? Yes please. Dawson’s meddling into the Potters’ business? No thanks. Also, Mr. Witter is unredeemable no matter how many long-overdue hugs he gives his wonderful, perfect son.
- His Leading Lady – Laney Boggs came to town and was super-weird, and we caught a glimpse of Feminist!Grams. I was having a good time until Jen got bible-study-bombed by Ty.
- The Reluctant Hero – Pacey’s kindness to Mrs. McPhee in the market still gives me feels. Everything else about this episode was kind of a waste, and Dawson’s slut-shaming soared to new heights as he “rescued” Jen from a threesome… by removing her bodily against her will and taking her outside without a shirt on.
- Uncharted Waters – Abusive Mr. Witter, a contrived fishing trip, and an even-more-contrived female bonding activity. Ugh. Joshua Jackson’s acting in that monologue on the beach next to his passed-out father fucking destroyed me, but nothing else about this episode was worthwhile.
- A Perfect Wedding – Nothing about the wedding plotline made sense. And then Abby died.
- The Kiss – Nonsensical timelines, way too much Dawson/Joey tongue hockey, Pacey’s Cruel Intentions-induced frosted tips, Joey making the completely idiotic decision to choose Dawson Leery over FRANCE. But at least Pacey met Andie (under creepy, weird circumstances, but still).
- Be Careful What You Wish For – We had a brief but amazing scene of Dawson and Andie drunk-singing the blues, but then Dawson decided to emotionally abuse literally every person in his life, and saved the worst abuse for Pacey, so FUCK THIS EPISODE.
- Full Moon Rising – I’m getting rage flashbacks just thinking about the fact that everyone blamed the full moon for all of their problems/bad life decisions. THIS IS NOT A THING. Also, we had to watch gross Abercrombie Fisherman make out with Jen, and then watch Grams slut-shame her.
- Tamara’s Return – does this even need a description? NO ONE NEEDED THE STATUTORY RAPIST TO RETURN. Ugh, and I almost forgot about Abercrombie Fisherman. And also most of this episode made absolutely no sense.
Let us know your favorites in the comments and join us later this week when we start season 3!
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
I'm a J.D. by day/blogger by night who directs her snark and judgment primarily towards celebrities and their many red carpet mishaps. Blogging from the style capital of the world (just kidding - I live in DC), I rant and rave over the best and worst in fashion and pop culture.
