The OC S02 E15 – Let’s Go to the Mall

Previously: Summer saw a little kid with a horse and broke up with Zach.
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The Mallpisode

Anna May: We open with someone knocking on the window of Ryan’s bedroom; it’s Seth, pulling the awful “wakey wakey” routine that is just giving me flashbacks to my mum on school mornings, or the cleaning lady at uni bursting in at ungodly hours. Seth reminds him that when Summer left to go to Italy he refused to let him fester away in his room, and that he’s only returning the favour. Ryan reminds him that no, he didn’t, but Seth is having none of it. He’s helping anyway.

Mari: There are very, very few instances in which someone waking you up is helping, but okay Seth. Continue.

Sweeney: Unless the building is on fire, you’re not helping.

Anna May: As he goes on, it feels more like “helping” with heavy air quotes and an eye roll as he keeps throwing out suggestions that Ryan has no interest in until he snaps at him to shut up. The Piano of Ryan Has A Super Duper Sadface Right Now tinkles forlornly in the background as he explains that the thing with Lindsay is different and that nothing – not even pancakes – can soothe his manpain.

Seth decides that maybe he is best left alone.

Mari: Seth always decides things about an hour after they are painfully obvious. 

Anna May: Cut to a quick clip of Ryan suddenly packing (is he going to leave and become a hermit? Find a man-cave to go and brood in?) and then CALIFOOOORNIAAAA HERE WE COOOOOOMEEEE.

At the Cohen Rehab Centre For Strays And Fuck-Ups (I’m clinging to this name okay), (M: It’s cool; we love continuity around here) (S: Is it continuity porn if its internal, blog continuity?) Kirsten joins Sandy in the kitchen and is it just me or are Sandy’s parentally non-negligent eyebrows distinctly less bushy this season? Point me to the tweezers that did this and I shall take my revenge. Anyway, Kirsten is awfully jumpy this morning, accidentally pouring coffee on Sandy, who notices her ring is missing. She says she can’t find it, but he points out that she never takes it off—Kirsten makes her excuses about having lost it in the sink and the point is settled for now.

Generic surfy-swimmy-location shots and then we cut to Summer in the café, waiting with a postcard of the leaning tower of Pisa (thankfully without any obnoxious tourists pretending to push it), which she hides when Seth arrives. They smooch, and Seth explains how beaten-down Ryan is by the whole Lindsay thing. Summer thinks it’s simple—they have to cheer him up. Others might leave him behind, but not them no sir. She says that she and Marissa are going to the mall to help with the clothing drive, and suggests that maybe Seth and Ryan should tag along too. Seth has his doubts but agrees to give it a try—and sees a possible Ryan/Marissa reunion on the horizon now that Lindsay is out of the picture. Summer voices my own opinion – are you crazy? They’d make a terrible couple – and adds that anyway, Marissa is happy now. By happy, Seth posits, she means gay?

Side eying Seth quite a bit right now—I know it’s early noughties and LGBT representation on the telly wasn’t as far along as it is now (not that we don’t have 39482309 miles to go yet), but as someone who is bi, has dated on both sides of the gender spectrum and is currently dating a wonderful lady I can say that yes, Seth. Happy = gay. Soz mate. (M: A+)

Cut to Marissa, emptying a bundle of red-sock-in-the-washing-machine-pink clothing onto the sofa. “Pink is the new black,” she tries feebly as Alex walks in. She apologises for the washing blunder and says they’ll get new clothes… with money they don’t have, because she hasn’t found a job yet. Marissa suggests they do something fun to take their minds off it, but Alex snaps that she has to work. Y’know, with the JOB that she has. Unlike Marissa. Who has no JOB. She rescues it a bit by saying they can get takeout when she gets back—and then reminds her that they’re late on rent so if the landlord comes to the door, don’t answer it. Oops.

Sweeney: But at the same time, it’s sort of DUH that this hasty move-in situation isn’t working out. I’m not sure why Alex expected any different, but then I’m often confused by what people see in Marissa…

Anna May: Cohen Rehab Centre For Strays And Fuck-Ups. Caleb wanders into the kitchen to find Sandy underneath the sink, looking for Kirsten’s ring that obviously isn’t there. Kirsten and Julie are off working on the magazine, leaving Sandy alone with Caleb as he admits he’s disturbed by Lindsay leaving, and that he screwed up. Sandy doesn’t seem to be in advice mode, though.

Mari: His advice power came from his eyebrows and maybe that has weakened after the tweez.

Anna May: Cut to Julie complaining about the magazine’s new editor – despite the fact that the guy’s won awards before, she wants to know why she can’t edit her own magazine. Julie peers out of the window to see a guy at the desk. Maybe it’s just me but he looks like a slimeball — and he’s asking after Julie. Slimeball’s name is Lance – “a little blast from the past” – and Julie’s face tells us something’s gonna go down as he leaves a message that he’s looking for her and exits.

Back in the kitchen, Caleb is still venting his pain as Sandy just tries to fix the sink. Seth appears in time for Sandy to make a plumber joke that even my dad would roll his eyes at, and we follow him over to Ryan’s room. He’s not there, but a note that spells bad news is; Seth’s out of there like a shot, on his way to find him.

Cut to Marissa cleaning up the flat, when there’s a knock at the door – clearly panicking about the landlord, she answers it. Thankfully it’s only Summer, who politely points out that the place is smelling a bit ripe. Clearly, it’s so fun living in a dingy flat and not in her mother’s mansion. Summer invites her out to the mall, not expecting the super-quick yes she gets from Marissa, who just needs to grab her purse. Which is full of the money she doesn’t have.

Sweeney: It’s the setup for a very Rachel-from-friends shopping therapy session – “They’re my I don’t need my father’s money because I’ve got new boots boots!”

Anna May: Seth arrives at the bus depot to find Ryan there, as expected. “Hope you brought a lot of snacks,” he says. “It’s a long ride to Chicago.” Ryan explains that he’s not running away – not properly, anyway, as he plans on just going for the weekend to surprise her and then coming back. Lindsay’s had enough surprises, Seth points out, and maybe Ryan should give her some time. He suggests that he come to the mall with him, Summer and Marissa, and if by the next day he’s not distracted from Lindsay then Seth will personally help him go to Chicago to see her. What a sweetie.

Mari: I don’t get all this sadness over Lindsay. THEY BROKE UP LIKE 4 TIMES. Surely he should be used to it.

Anna May: Cut to all four of them at the mall—Ryan and Marissa vacate the car, leaving Seth to give Summer an update on their lil trooper. Their work is definitely cut out for them. Seth spots the Tower of Pisa postcard in her bag, but Summer hurries them along and into the mall. An employee who Seth thinks clearly missed sensitivity training gives them the basics, and Summer gets disproportionately excited about having a “backstage pass to the mall”. Seth/Summer smooching occurs, and Ryan and Marissa make respective “get a room” faces before going about their duties.

Back at magazine HQ, Kirsten is trying to talk Julie down from having her picture on the cover of every issue when the new editor arrives. Kirsten tries to play nice as Julie bitchfaces at him – the magazine is about Newport (read: her) and she doesn’t want an outsider telling her how to write it. Turns out, he hates the idea of working for them just as much as Julie does – being wasted on such a shallow magazine is not his idea of a good time, so he suggests they just try to make the best of a bad job. They do what they want, meet with him occasionally, he okays it and walks home with a paycheck. Bada-bing who wants a cocktail. (M: ME!) (S: ME TOO, ME TOO!)

Speaking of cocktails, Caleb is still in angst mode as Sandy pours him a drink of rum – he hopes that supporting Kirsten will take the edge off of hurting Lindsay so much. Sandy doesn’t think so.

Caleb: What would you know, Mr Self Righteous I Never Hurt People I Only Help Them?

Points to Caleb for an accurate (if snarky) description of Sandy. Sandy replies that he hurt Kirsten, explaining about what happened with Rebecca and how the plumbing and looking for her ring is a way of trying to make it up to her. He relates the story of how he proposed to her with a plastic ring he won at a carnival, which she wore until he could afford a real one, all of which is kind of adorable.

Alex returns to the flat to find it suspiciously devoid of a Marissa, and leaves a message when her phone goes to voicemail.

Back at the mall, Seth and Summer are continuing the you’re-so-cute smooching while Ryan and Marissa awkwardly make small talk. (S: Getting their mutual brood on like old times!) It soon transpires that oops! They’re locked in the storeroom for the night. Seth tries to pick the lock with Summer’s hairpin, but it snaps. Welp. Next option, because of course, is the air vents. Ryan thanks Seth for getting him out of the house, at which point Seth falls through into another room.

Seth: Ryan, I think I found a quicker way out. Unfortunately it involves broken bones and broken glass.

Marissa and Summer finish tidying the last of the clothes and get with the relationship-speak as Ryan listens in from the air vents like a sneaky snooping snooper. Marissa admits he’s the only person she’s ever really felt truly comfortable with, but says that she wouldn’t consider getting back together with him. Not because she is, as Summer says, “totally into chicks now” (I pulled the same helloooo bisexuality is a thing face that I pull when watching Willow in Buffy season 4), but because she knows he’s heartbroken because of Lindsay leaving. She misses him every day, though. Seth appears to bust Ryan, who looks appropriately guilty before they head out into the closed mall.

They’re about to make a beeline for the exit when Summer points out that hellooo, they’re American teenagers in the early noughties and being locked in the mall is not an opportunity to be wasted here. The others agree reluctantly, Seth admitting that they need a night to forget their troubles. The girls make excuses over the phone while Seth just casually admits he’s trapped in the mall, and that he might have to use the emergency credit card to get supplies.

Mari: One of these parents is not like the others! 

Sweeney: Parenting points for this excellent demonstration of, “Hey, I actually trust my parents!”

Anna May: Ryan wants to know what’s first on the agenda, and Summer – already full of ideas – goes straight for a hockey mask. Don’t worry Ryan, Jason Voorhees was my first thought too. But no.

Cut to a cheesy montage of the four of them drowning their troubles in roller hockey—but dun dun duuun, the CCTV overlord is watching their frivolity.

Julie, Wasted Editor and Kirsten are out for dinner, but Lance McSlimeball is there waiting at the bar. Julie goes over to confront him, and we discover that he was her “first” – but not her first love, as he claims. “You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t want something,” she snaps, but he says he has something for her instead. This can’t be good. The last thing he gave her warranted a cranberry juice binge. Nice (read: ick). He slides a suspicious looking paper back across the bar at her, telling her to take a look and decide how much it’s worth to her. Oh no. I really hope he hasn’t got on her what I think he has. I don’t like Julie, like at all, but she doesn’t deserve that. Julie takes the tape and quickly excuses herself from the restaurant.

Sweeney: Cosign. Julie is evil and awful, and while it would be nice to see her reap what she sows, this wouldn’t be that. Being punished for unrelated things that you don’t deserve to be punished for =/= justice for the actual wrongdoing.

Anna May: Back at the mall, Seth and Summer are setting up camp. Literally, they’re in the camping section. Seth moves her bag, placing it where he can get a sneaky peek at the back of the postcard from Italy, then sends her off on a terrible excuse for an errand so he can read it properly (if after a long moment of deliberation). Of course, she catches him in the act.

Cut to OH GOD it’s exactly what I thought it was. Julie was in a porno. Worse, a bad porno. Alex walks in and Julie, girl, why the hell were you watching your porn on the massive telly. That’s just asking to get busted. (M: Why after seeing the outside cover of the porno did she think, “well now I have to watch the whole thing…) (A: EXACTLY. Plus, I watched back through some of my old YouTube videos the other day and it was torture– I imagine with porn it’d be a thousand thousand times worse. Julie, seriously. Why would you subject yourself to that.) Turns out Alex is there because she knows Marissa isn’t happy with her – but Julie thinks her daughter will be back soon enough. Alex is just another way of rebelling against her, and her lack of argument kind of suggests she knows too.

While Marissa and Ryan warm up to each other and fetch supplies, Summer is quite rightly pissed at Seth for having read the postcard. He wants to know why she’s writing to him in the first place. Zach’s just a friend, Summer says; is she supposed to just ditch him now that she’s with Seth? But Seth is unconvinced, extrapolating from bits of the postcard, only to be cut off by the return of Ryan and Marissa.

Cut to the arcade, where Sandy – unable to find Kirsten’s ring – is trying to win a new plastic one to prove to her that she’s the love of his life. He doesn’t need to do that, Caleb says, he just needs to tell her.

Ryan and Marissa consider joining Seth and Summer, but guess they need their privacy. “What happens at the mall stays at the mall,” Marissa says, and that’s obviously not hinting at anything nope no sir. She takes a call from Alex, quickly making her excuses, before she and Ryan argue over who should sleep in the tent. Eventually they both cave and clamber in together. (M: Didn’t this almost exact same thing happen when they went to TJ?) (A: Basically, yeah.)

Downstairs, two ominous looking mall cops pick up the hockey ball. Seth and Summer are still bickering about the postcard when they catch voices coming from close by, and run off to alert Ryan and Marissa that they need to go, right now.

Kirsten and Wasted Editor are still out for dinner – we learn he’s a divorcee, but when Kirsten apologises it turns out he’s really not all that sad about it. Talk moves to Kirsten’s marital status, and he points out her lack of wedding ring – she gives him more or less the same story she gave Sandy. Wasted Editor points out that when he found out his ex no longer loved him, she’d taken her wedding ring off. In other news, he’s finding Newport Living much more interesting now he’s alone with Kirsten. Uh oh.

Mari: More like, “UGH. NO.” We just got rid of Rebecca.

Sweeney: MAJOR UGH, NO.

Anna May: +1 to that.

Back in the mall, the cops are approaching the tent, where they can hear voices and see the shadows of four teenagers inside—but it’s just a radio and some mannequins (really, really creepy hockey-mask-wearing mannequins) set up by the gang, who set off the alarm as they make their escape. Summer and Seth continue to bicker as they drive away, while Marissa and Ryan make doe eyes at each other.

Julie gets a call from Lance McSlimeball – she’s going to pay him fifty thousand dollars to keep quiet about the porno, but he doesn’t think that’s enough. Five hundred thousand is the asking price, and he could make even more selling it on the internet. She can’t get that kind of money without her husband knowing, but McSlime decides that’s her problem and hangs up. WHAT A DOUCHE.

The four teenagers stop to get food, Seth and Summer staying in the car to seethe at each other—only to have the awful realisation that they’re a less functional couple than Ryan and Marissa.

Summer: Oh my god. Okay, we cannot be more annoying than Ryan and Marissa. We’re monsters.

Sweeney: lolforever

Anna May: Summer agrees to tell him what was on the postcard, on the condition they stop bickering. Of course, it turns out to be a hundred percent friendly and Seth realises he was a jealous asshole. They kiss, though if I were Summer I would have waited for an out-loud apology first.

Kirsten gets home late, still quite distant as Sandy admits he and Caleb spent the day looking for her ring without success. He also says he screwed up fixing the sink, but on the plus side… he won her a new ring at the arcade. Putting it on her finger, he reminds her that he loves her, and that he’s sorry he ever made her doubt it, and my heart makes a little OTP “squee” noise. A sad harmonica plays as they hug, and we get a mini-montage: Julie, still with the phone in her hand, Alex asleep on the sofa, Kirsten taking her ring from where she’d hidden it and putting it back on her finger.

Cut to the café, where Marissa and Ryan are eating. She points out they’ve become strangers lately, and Ryan says maybe they should get reacquainted. Then we get an adorable parody of when they first meet—it’s like Ryan has suddenly become self-aware of his intense angstiness.

Mari: I just love him sometimes. I’ve had way more “I love Ryan” moments than “I love Seth” moments this rewatch. 

Sweeney: I think I’m about equal, but for me a lot of those “I love Ryan” moments have just been sheer surprise because I don’t remember him being so likable…

Anna May: I’m definitely more of a Seth fan, but I’ll admit this was cute. Seth and Summer watch them happily, before heading in to join them. All smiles, fade to black.

Given what I’ve heard about season 2, this wasn’t nearly as bad as I was expecting. The stuff with the four teenagers was actually quite endearing, plus Sandy and Kirsten are back on good terms so all in all I’m pretty chuffed. Poor Julie though.

 

Next time on The OC: Julie goes to The Eyebrows for help with the porno thing in S02 E16 – The Blaze of Glory.