Pretty Little Liars S04 E22 – Your brain on drugs

Previously: Aria stomped all around town giving people Big Eyes because Ezra is a big, fat liar.
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Cover for Me

Marines: Spencer is in her room unpacking the bag she took to rehab and snapping at her mom. She apologizes and says that she’s just irritable because of that whole ‘kicking her drug habit’ thing. Mariska Mom takes it in stride, which is the least she can do after being a horrible mother 95% of the time. Spencer has some weird flashbacks to the night Ali died and her mom suggests she get some rest.

Jessica: Well, PLL solved Spencer’s rehab the same way Gotham solves everything — skip to the end.

Mari: I just realized that they are making this whole, “DID SPENCER KILL ALI?” thing a thing but, um, Ali is not dead. Am I missing something?

Sara: It literally makes no sense. As usual.

Mari: Cool.

Rebellion, USA. Aria is chugging out of a red Solo cup and kissing a random dude.

SHHHH.

After the credits, Spencer bounds down the stairs, ready for school. In the kitchen, Mariska Mom is with a young man she introduces as Dean Stavros. Mariska Mom has confiscated Spencer’s car keys, her laptop, her internet access and she won’t be able to see her friends or go to school. Spencer can earn her privileges back over time as long as she follows Dean’s program. Spencer wants to talk to her mom in private but Dean says no because he’s a drug and alcohol abuse counselor and he’s going to be hanging out in the barn.

Sara: With all the underage harassing men do in this town, it’s probably not a good idea to have one you don’t know very well living on your property and having unlimited access to your teenager. But sure, solid plan, Mariska Mom.

Mari: Spencer tries to pull the, “UGH MOM AND DAD DON’T TRUST ME!” card but Mariska Mom’s like, “duh, girl. Drug problem.” Dean tells Spencer to hand over her electronics as a show of cooperation. She gives up her laptop and cell phone and Dean hands her a cup for a pee test.

 
 Aria calls Emily. Turns out she’s in Syracuse with her absentee father, pretending to be there for some sort of prospective student thing. She hangs up with Emily when she sees Random Hook-Up approach. They both make comments about how hungover they are and then decide to bail on the campus tour in favor of pancakes.

Back in Rosewood, Emily tells Hanna that Aria sounded okay. Hanna tells Emily that they aren’t allowed to visit Spencer yet. Emily tells Hanna that she saw Ezra’s car in the parking lot. Because no one has reported this menace to society, he has returned to work. This little round of exposition ends when Emily and Hanna overhear Mona and Mike arguing about tickets to something or other.

J: Can the rest of this episode- nay, this entire show- be Emily and Hannah getting revenge on Ezra Fitz for an absent Aria?

Mari: If only.

Mona looks in their direction and when the girls turn around, they see Ezra is standing there giving Mona Significant Eyes. I want to puke. These two are the worst. Ezra goes into his classroom and Emily is pissed off enough now that she wants to confront him. Hanna says she’s down for slashing tires and busting headlights, but she doesn’t want to be in the same room with him. Emily understands and heads in to the classroom alone.

Ezra tells Emily that class hasn’t started yet and she stands there and glowers at him. He cottons on and figures Emily knows that he’s been stalking their entire lives for four seasons now. Ezra says he wants to talk to her about it, but doesn’t think it should happen in the classroom. Because suddenly he’s all about classroom decorum, right? (S: A+)

    

I mean. I guess Emily should get comparative props for saying anything to him but also NOT ENOUGH, NOT ENOUGH, NOT ENOUGH. (J: Agreed!) (S: Ezra might need some ice for that BURN.)

Rosewood’s One Coffee Shop. Hanna is truant but she sees Detective Holbrook and decides it’d be okay to greet him.

 Hanna apologizes for the whole kissing thing and Holbrook invites her to sit down. He hands over the letter Paige wrote for him, that says Alison is alive. Hanna says she didn’t write it and she’s never seen it. Then she’s all “okay, got to go cook dinner like six hours early.” Totally not suspicious, girl!

Aria is in bed. She wakes up because Random Hook-up is playing guitar. They have a bunch of conversation that is basically worthless. Point is that they drank their way through the mini-bar and if their current state of undress is a hint, they slept together. Do you all get how distressed Aria is yet or do we need more mentions of alcohol and hangovers?

Spencer climbs into bed but there is something distressing under her sheets. She flips them over and sees there is a pile of dirt in her bed. (J: Rude. She’s never going to get rid of all those dirt particles.) She picks a letter out of the mound. “I know you dug her grave. Now I’m digging yours. Kisses -A.” 

OKAY, I GET IT. I guess the point is that someone tried to kill Ali and they don’t know who, regardless of whether she is alive or not. This show makes me feel stupid sometimes.

Sara: Oh. Yeah, I still hadn’t figured out wtf was going on.

Mari: At school the next day, Hanna tells Emily about the anonymous tip Holbrook got about Ali being alive. She leaves Emily, though, because Poor Man’s Wentworth Miller (Travis) gives her a little wave. #priorities

Hanna invites Travis and his family for a “thanks for your testimony that got me out of jail” dinner at her place. Travis accepts and then invites Hanna out on a date the next night. They smile at each other a lot.

Back with Emily, she wonders if Hanna is even ready to date again. Hanna is all, “NO GIRL. I’M READY.” I guess she’s having wolf bad boy withdrawals. Poor Man’s Wentworth Miller is going to have to do.

Hastings Halfway House.

 Dean tells her about all the yummy nutrients in her glass of salad, but Spencer is defensive about everything. He starts asking her if she has certain withdrawal symptoms like nightmares. Spencer quietly asks if hallucinations are a thing. Dean says they could be, especially if she’s remembering things she forgot because this is your brain 🙂 and this is your brain on drugs .

Dean suggests a good diet and exercise because it really helped him in recovery. Spencer says she doesn’t really do athletics unless there is someone to beat, but Dean is smart enough to be all, “NUH-UH GIRL.” Competition is a gateway drug for Spencer. She says she’s going to take a quick shower and grabs the cordless phone on her way out of the kitchen.

Upstairs she hurriedly calls Toby and leaves a message for him saying she really needs to talk to him. She’s getting worried and really wants to hear from him that she isn’t a horrible person. Dean bangs on the door and lets himself in because he doesn’t hear any running water.

Sara: But, like, what if she was naked in there? (My second thought was that this was probably his intention. This show.)

Mari: Hanna’s walking down the street when that other detective, um, *quickly Google searches* TANNER! yells out to her. She accuses Hanna of writing the note. Holbrook plays good cop and is all, “Hanna if there is anything you’d like to say.” She swears she didn’t write it and takes off. After Hanna is gone, Tanner makes a comment that makes n0 sense to me about how they falsely accused Ashley Marin and now Hanna is doing the same thing? IDK IDK. Anyway, point is that Holbrook thinks Alison may be alive and Tanner just thinks Hanna and her friends are lying liars.

J: This episode is boring. Seems like it’s kind of meandering. No steady plot point, just randomly jumping between the Liars. This was the point where I started playing solitaire on my computer. 

Mari: Rebellion, USA. Aria and Random Hook-Up [RHU] are hanging out on a dock having deep life chats. RHU wants to study music but his parents are all, “ew.” about that. Aria admits that she’s running away from heartbreak. RHU says that the guy who broke her heart should be the one who gets out of town. YES PLEASE.

Spencer finishes helping her mom with the dishes when there is a knock at the door. Spencer opens for Mrs. DiLaurentis who comes asking about Mariska Mom’s attendance at a bridal show fundraiser. Mariska Mom excuses herself to “check her calendar.” Spencer takes the opportunity to apologize to Mrs. D. Apparently, Mariska Mom told her that the drug-fueled outburst Spencer had at her house was actually a bad reaction to over-the-counter flu meds. LOL. Good one, Mariska Mom. Guess that’s why they pay you the big bucks.

Mrs. D segues into the fact that Mariska Mom is probably just writing her a check so she won’t have to attend the fundraiser. That’s okay with Mrs. D because the charity is “starving children” (all of them, apparently) which is super important because no mother should have to watch their child die. She gives Spencer EYES when she says this. Spencer grabs her laundry basket and tries to make a getaway but not before Mrs. D makes one more #significant comment about how a good night’s sleep on CLEAN SHEETS is the total best.

Aria is at her hotel room when RHU shows up to say he’s leaving early. He thanks Aria for a great week and they kiss goodbye. He hands her his number before he leaves.

One Coffee Shop. Mike storms in and asks Emily if she’s heard from Aria. She hasn’t answered any of his texts or calls. Emily asks WTF is going on and Mike is being all dramatic because Mona dumped him and he thinks it’s Aria’s fault. Emily offers to talk to Mona for him.

Aria opens the paper and it isn’t actually RHU’s number at all. Weird.

 Dean and Spencer are running and suddenly we’re supposed to buy that Spencer can’t run three miles. She’s a tennis player and played field hockey and is awesome at everything, so stop it show. I guess, though, that this is Spencer’s body   and this is Spencer’s body on drugs .

As they keep running, Spencer passes a shovel (I’m not joking) (J: That shovel should get its own mention in the credits) and this sends her into a halluci-memory of the night Ali not-died. (S: What is with everyone leaving their freaking shovels around?! Where is the neighborhood HOA?) In the halluci-memory Spencer is chasing Ali with a shovel, Ali trips and Spencer beats at her on the ground. Blood splatters onto Spencer’s face and IRL she’s touching her own face. Dean asks what’s going on and Spencer gasps that she knows what she did.

J: Yeah… but are we going to trust the halluci-memory of a girl who had an episode-long halluci-dream in noir black-and-white?

Mari: I know I’m not.

At home, Dean brings Spencer some tea and tries to be all, “hey girl! Your halluci-memories are a good thing because you can take responsibilities for your actions!” Spencer cries because she doesn’t even know how to take responsibility for shoveling someone to fake-death. Dean says that’s enough talking and says he’s going to give Spencer some space so she can read a letter from Toby.

Hanna’s on her date with Travis. Mrs. D walks by and it’s really awkward and I’m not even sure why she’s all, “are you on a date?” with extreme judgement in her voice. Mrs. D leaves them quickly and is stopped a few paces away by Detectives Tanner and Holbrook. Do Detectives Tanner and Holbrook just stand on the main Rosewood drag and wait for their suspects to come to them? Seems like a legit plan because it always works.

Mona is pulling out of her driveway and has to stop suddenly because Emily is just standing behind her car. Emily says they need to talk, but Mona appears to be in a rush. Emily asks if she’s headed to meet Ezra Fitz and Mona tells her to get in the car.

Pedo-partment. Ezra is like taping one of his posters back together. Hahaha. Aria shows up and every thing is awful.

Mona tells Emily that she found out about the book when she bought Jenna’s car. I have no idea what the correlation is there. She didn’t start helping Ezra to help him, but to stop him from writing about her less than legal activities back when she was stalking people for funsies. She struck up a deal with Ezra to answer questions about her time as a stalker if he agreed to edit out her illegal activities from his book. COOL.

Sara: IT JUST GETS WORSE AND WORSE, I CAN’T.

Mari: Back at the pedo-partment, Aria tells Ezra he needs to leave. Ezra is all, “yeah, I’m taking a leave of absence,” but that’s not really what Aria means. She wants him to leave forever. Ezra says they can work through it BEAUSE HE IS AWFUL AND A DELUSIONAL AND SICK HUMAN BEING.

    

I think this is the most supportive I’ve ever been of Aria’s big eyes. (J: Go big eyes! Run him out of town!!)

Back with Mona, she admits that she dated Mike to get closer to Aria, but she fell for him. Mona tried to get out of her deal with Ezra, but he wouldn’t let her back out. Mona decided to break-up with Mike so he wouldn’t be dragged into her mess. Mona says that she did learn something big but vague. As if characters ever learn anything that isn’t vague around these parts. Mona references a game that someone stole from her while she was in Radley and I have no idea what she’s referencing. (J: They referenced a lot of past stuff in this episode, way past, and it pretty much all went over my head) Whatever it is, they thought CeCe did it but NO! Because we can’t figure out anything on this show! Ezra knows who really, really did it. (J: But does he know, or does he just think he knows? Seriously, Mona says “Ezra thinks he knows.” Because that’s the most we’ll ever get from this show.)

Ezra gives Aria a copy of his manuscript and says he went to New York to return his advance. Aria doesn’t care. Ezra says, “well I guess this is goodbye” and Aria doesn’t even dignify that with a response. I may be projecting some of my own feelings onto Aria who really just stands there with Big Eyes, but I need to survive these scenes somehow.

Later, Aria starts reading through the manuscript. Spencer is reading her letter when she hears something vibrating. She breaks into a desk drawer to retrieve her phone. It’s an SOS from Aria. On her date, Hanna is staring at her phone and not paying attention to Travis. She apologizes and says she has to go and he’s pretty bummed because she’s been distracted all night. Hanna gives a bunch of excuses but in the end Travis seems pretty placated by her apology and a kiss goodnight.

Fields House. Hanna thinks maybe Mona left the anonymous tip right up until she sees a familiar looking blue envelope with familiar looking handwriting on Emily’s cork board. Aria comes in and the girls all try to fill each other in quickly, but Aria sent the SOS so she spills the news: Ezra thinks Ali’s mom is A. The girls all look at each other in turns and we cut to black.

  Sara: To answer Hanna’s question, she probably does know how to text but would also regularly call afterwards to ask, “Did you get my text?”

Mari: A+

The girls all speculate that maybe A/Mrs. D is trying to bring Alison home and thinks the Liars will get in her way. Even they don’t think that makes much sense, but Spencer says maybe it’s because she tried to kill Ali. Aria wants to know when that became a thing and Spencer tells them about arguing with Alison the night she not-died while being drunk and drugged. Emily says she can’t deal with this and is going to go get food instead. I’d make fun of that if it weren’t the 100% exact same way I deal with stress.

In the hall, Hanna confronts Emily about telling Paige that Alison is alive.

Aria gets home and tells Mike she had nothing to do with Mona. He knows and they have a sibling moment.

Spencer sneaks back into the house but Mariska Mom is waiting. They kind of yell at each other and no one really uses their words. Spencer can’t just say that Aria had an emergency and lie about something, she just kind of stands there because of words blocking magic. Mariska Mom says they are trying so hard to protect Spencer and she yells that maybe they should just stop. Like for instance, in a totally smooth transition, her mom said they covered for her last summer. What did she mean? Mariska Mom says she lucky she doesn’t remember and heads off to bed.

Upstairs, Spencer checks her bed before climbing in. No dirt. She notices that the light on in the house next door is on. I think that might be Ali’s room. She stares out the window and we see Mrs. DiLaurentis walk up behind her. We switch point of view and when we can see behind Spencer again, it’s Mariska Mom who is behind her, asking if she’s okay. Spencer nods but keeps looking out the window like a creep. Behind them both, a figure moves in the dark and out of the room.

That would’ve been especially creepy if I believed that Mrs. D was actually A. I mean, she may be, but I don’t actually believe anything this show tells me ever. (S: Basically once the show confirms something, we know it to be not true.)

A-nonymous: A is making a wedding dress, I think. Maybe it’s a side job.

 

Next time: A judge orders the exhumation of Ali’s remains in S04 E23 – Unbridled.