Previously: The Potter B&B opened for business, and Pacey saved the day as usual.
—
Northern Lights
Kirsti: We open at the Potter B&B, which makes a pleasant change. Joey’s helping Pacey run lines for the play, but gets all “skrrrt, NO” when she sees that the next page requires her to get all swoony and lovey-dovey. Oh, sweetie. Just give it a few more episodes.
Democracy Diva: Is it too early to squee? I feel like it’s too early to squee.
K: It’s never too early to squee.
He begs her to help because opening night is tomorrow and she’ll feel bad if he just has to make stuff up. Meanwhile, I’m distracted by the fact that he appears to suddenly be ginger?!
Diva: I honestly did not notice, but I approve.
K: Joey makes an awkward face and says that she’ll be going the following night, and Pacey kind of freaks out at the idea of her not being there on opening night. Eventually, Joey admits that she’s seeing AJ, so can’t come. “COLLEGE GUY???” Pacey scoffs. I love him a little bit more than usual, because giving generic nicknames to the potential love interests of friends is totally something I do. Joey says he’s coming to the Cape for a party and she’s going with him. Pacey scoffs some more because Joey + frat party = hilarious. But apparently AJ is classy as fuck and he’s going to an Aurora Borealis party.
Pacey’s all “Yeah, no. He wants to get in your pants”, and Joey replies “You cannot fake geomagentic activity“, which is one of the more hilarious lines we’ve seen recently. Pacey insists that Ivy Leaguers can fake anything. He says the odds of seeing the Northern Lights over Capeside are about as good as him doing well in the play. He also earns himself a gold star:
Joey says that she’ll take those odds before she’s drowned out by the theme song.
HEY YEAH YEAH YEAH.
After the credits, we’re at Capeside High. Dawson and Joey talk about some big change that Dawson’s making and I have zero fucks to give until Kendra storms up and says “You dropped film class? Are you insane??“, and then I laugh forever because this is the best thing to ever happen on this show. Joey bails as Kendra asks if this is because of the film festival. I get a little distracted because the sun’s hitting her lip gloss weird and it makes it look like there’s light coming out of her mouth.
Dawson insists that he just needs to take a break from film, and she says she wishes he’d given her some warning, because they’re partners on a project and they’re meant to pitch a feature film to the class in three days. Okay, Dawson? WHAT THE FUCK. That is the dickiest dick move you’ve pulled in a really fucking long time. NO. YOU DO NOT BAIL ON SOMETHING LIKE THAT. DROP THE CLASS *AFTER* THE ASSIGNMENT, JFC.
Diva: Yeah, that’s completely fucked. Also, what high school lets you drop a class for no reason in the middle of the semester?
K: I don’t think my high school let you drop classes at ALL, but that’s mostly because of the way the Victorian year 11 and 12 system works.
He insists that the film teacher can get Kendra an extension and a new partner. She says that she doesn’t want a new partner: “I want you“. Okay, I’m back to laughing hysterically again. He scoffs and says she’s probably done with the project already. She admits she is but refers to him as “THE most creative person in the class” when he says he has no ideas. LOL, OKAY. That Blair Witch Project rip off was soooooooo creative. Dawson has no fucks to give and walks away.
Diva: It upsets me that Kendra doesn’t see HERSELF as the most creative person in the class. I don’t buy this character’s need to stroke Dawson’s ego even a little bit.
K: YES. This is an excellent point. Bad writers. BAD.
Play rehearsal. Andie freaks because Mr Broderick hasn’t turned up, and Pacey freaks because he can’t remember any of his lines. Jack rushes in and informs Andie that there’s a problem. Cut to sick bay (Is it called sick bay in America??) (D: Nope! Infirmary, maybe? Sick bay is cuter, though.) Mr Broderick has a kidney stone and is going home. Andie freaks some more because she has front of house stuff to do, she can’t possibly direct as well. Jack offers to do the front of house stuff, and Mr Broderick hands over his director’s notes while making a grandiose speech. Jack grins and it’s adorable.
Diva: This speech was neither meaningful nor funny, until Jack giggles and then gives a faux-serious nod, and then it became the best.
K: Pretty much exactly.
In the corridor, Jen calls out to Henry, who does his usual look-like-a-serial-killer routine and scurries away. Jen chases after him. Eventually, she corners him. He demands to know why she’s cancelling their dinner, and she’s all “Huh?”. Apparently her lack of eye contact means she’s cancelling. She calls him paranoid, and says she just needs to postpone so she can go to the play and support Pacey. Henry says he’ll go with her, and Jen looks awkward, then relents. Henry grins.
Joey’s. “Don’t even think about coming near me with that Medieval torture device!” she says as Bessie closes in with an eyelash curler. High five, girl. There’s a knock on the door, and Joey freaks. Bessie worries about her dating an older guy, and Joey assures her that he’s not THAT old: “He’s, like, nineteen“. Still creepy, but not AS creepy as a lot of Traumaland relationships, so I’ll let it slide. Also, I’m kind of coveting Joey’s blue fuzzy jumper with the sparkly neckline…
Anyway, it wasn’t AJ at the door, it was Pacey. He rambles about how much rehearsal sucked, and Joey tells him he’s just nervous. He insists that he only knows the play when he runs it with her. Which is both cute and a little pathetic. She apologises for not being there, and he tries to persuade her to come to the after party. She tells him she’ll try, and calls AJ “a Renaissance man” for being interested in more than one thing. “Fantastic, he can bore you in seven languages!” Pacey mocks. Bessie bursts in to say that AJ’s arrived, and Pacey pushes her out face first, which never fails to make me laugh.
Diva: Nervous, ranting Pacey is one of my favorite Paceys.
K: Essentially, ALL the Paceys are my favourite Paceys. But yes.
Pacey informs her that AJ’s going to tell her she looks amazing and will try and make physical contact by helping her with her coat and is generally a jealous sad puppy. Joey eyerolls and goes to greet AJ who does exactly what Pacey predicted. The zoomy cameraman zooms in on his sad puppy face, and I just want to hug him.
After the Not Commercial Break, we’re at the Snooty Northern Lights party. It seems to be mostly populated with old dudes and everyone is drinking out of pewter tankards, which is weird. AJ tells Joey about their host and the other guests – his former mentor (how can a 19 year old have a FORMER mentor??) (D: um, I was obviously mentored on geomagnetic activity when I was five, DUH), and a bunch of struggling academics and grad students. He judges their taste in drinks – mead – and Joey gets a little swoony when he pours her drink out because it’s alcoholic. “Alcohol isn’t exactly the most sophisticated way to seduce a girl,” he replies. I…do not know how to react to that line. Probably this, though:
Diva: Were we supposed to find that move gentlemanly and attractive? It just read as weirdly paternalistic to me. Not that Joey should be drinking, just that it’s not really up to this random 19-year-old whether she does or not.
K: Seriously. I guess it’s more gentlemanly than “we need to get you so drunk that you don’t remember what happened”, which is an actual thing a guy once said to me. Uh, no. And goodbye.
AJ keeps digging a hole of awkward, and Joey changes the subject to why everyone’s going inside. The answer is simple: it’s cloudy. AJ rambles about how it might clear before midnight, which is the best viewing time. I continue to not give a fuck because he’s not Pacey, but Joey seems to find him charming. He asks if she wants to take a walk and she agrees, a little hesitantly.
School play. Jack’s selling programs, wearing a turtleneck sweater that makes him look a lot like he’s escaped from Will & Grace.
Diva: Accurate.
K: Just as Dawson’s buying a program, Andie rushes up to ask where Pacey is. The curtain’s going up in 20 minutes and she can’t find him anywhere. Dawson says he’ll go look. He tracks Pacey down in the gym, shooting hoops and sporting a hilarious pair of fake sideburns. (D: My notes here just say ‘PACEY’S SIDEBURNS’ three times in a row.) Dawson asks what the problem is because Pacey’s starred in so many of his terrible movies. Pacey points out that it took him a bunch of takes to get that right, and there was no one watching, and there weren’t any ex-girlfriends depending on him to be great.
Dawson says that if acting is fun for him, he should just go out on stage and have fun. “When did you become all zen?” Pacey asks in confusion. He goes on to say that he thought Dawson would be freaking out about Joey’s date with AJ. Dawson misses a shot, and claims he’s just terrible at basketball. Pacey’s all “What if AJ’s a creeper?”, and Dawson insists that Joey can take care of herself. Pacey’s all “WHUT”, but Dawson runs off with the ball, forcing Pacey to follow.
Diva: It’s hilarious that Dawson suddenly thinks Joey can take care of herself, when just last episode he was all, “remember when I told you to take care of my girlfriend because her life will be over without me? Thanks!”
K: Yeah, Dawson has literally no idea what he’s doing like 90000% of the time. Although he’s a dick 90000% of the time, so at least he’s got that down.
In the theatre, Henry locates Jen, who has an unpleasant surprise for him: she’s brought Grams on their not-date. LOL. Grams gives Jen serious judgey “do not make me your cockblock” face, and it’s magical. Jen’s saved from answering by the lights going down. She puts Grams in between her and Henry, and WOW, GIRL. Use your words. Grams and Henry exchange awkward smiles as the show starts.
Backstage, Andie runs around like a headless chook. (D: I had to google that one. Chook = chicken. I’m learning so much Australian slang today!) Pacey comes up and says he can’t do this. Andie tells him to just get the gist of things right, and it’ll all be fine. She shoves him out on stage, and he falters for a second then remembers his line and everything’s hunky dory. Andie grins with relief backstage.
On the beach, Joey and AJ go for their walk and discuss colleges. He asks if she wants to go to an Ivy League school blah blah I understand none of this shit because Australia has like 40 universities and most of them are pretty decent. Except VU. Sorry, VU. You suck. Joey says that if she doesn’t try for an Ivy League school, she’ll always wonder if she was good enough. AJ says she sounds driven, and she scoffs “Yeah, driven by fear of failure“. He starts rambling about how that happens to girls with dead mothers, and OH MY GOD SHUT UP. Joey starts talking about how it’s hard to know where the person you’re trying to be to make other people happy ends and the person you actually want to be starts. These two continue to send me to sleep with their blandness.
He starts rambling about the Northern Lights, and she’s all “Charged particles. Suuuuuper romantic”. He tells her to “look at it from the particle’s point of view” and I start giggling uncontrollably because that is a fucking terrible line. He kisses her as the tinkly orchestra tinkles. He looks at her expectantly when he pulls away, and she awkwards that she has to meet someone somewhere and asks if they can leave. LOL. Fade to black.
Diva: At least he mentions that medieval people thought the Northern Lights were fallen warriors. Which is obviously true, because they’re totally the spirits of Dothraki khals and their bloodriders. It is known.
K: I’ll take your word for it. I’ve basically forgotten everything about Game of Thrones except the squicky trauma that the incest caused me.
After the Not Commercial Break, the play ends with Pacey standing up in the rafters forcing his character’s wife to make a grand declaration of love. It’s a triumph. (D: So is that set! 1430 to Capeside High’s set designer.) Cut to the after party. Jack presents Andie with a huge bunch of flowers and she gushes about how great the party is. Jen’s still on the Most Awkward Date Ever. She excuses herself to talk to Pacey, and Grams and Henry exchange a look. Pacey thanks Jen for coming, and she says she wouldn’t have missed opening night. “And not a Witter in attendance. What a surprise…” he replies, and I have a lot of feels.
He lists off all his friends who came, and Jen astutely notes that he’s missing Joey’s presence. She tells him that he was great and that Joey doesn’t know what she’s missing, and obviously Joey turns up and Pacey looks like a happy puppy. Across the room, Kendra walks up to Dawson with a plate and utters the fabulous line “I come bearing crudités“. Amazing. She thinks he’s making a mistake dropping film class, and he talks about how he pulled down all his posters after she talked about how she’s interested in a ton of different things.
He starts telling this long, rambly story about when his parents took him to see Jurassic Park at the age of 10 and a couple of teenagers in front of them spent the whole movie making out, and he doesn’t know who he is because he’s not the kid who goes to the movies and sits between his parents but he’s also not the teenager who goes to the movies to make out blah blah too busy analysing everything in life has no joy, I don’t give a fuck, you whiny white boy.
Diva: That’s the thesis of all of these recaps, isn’t it?
K: This show should really be called “No one gives a fuck about Dawson. Also there’s a creek.”
Joey tells Pacey that she knew he’d be a hit. He wants to know why she’s there, and asks if AJ bailed on her. She starts word vomiting about cloud cover, and Pacey realises that AJ kissed her. He asks if she’ll see AJ again, and she rattles off a list of reasons why that’s a terrible idea. It finishes with “And if I ever feel about him the way I…”. “Feel about Dawson,” Pacey finishes. But the zoomy cameraman zooms in on a thoughtful Joey, who insists that’s not what she was going to say. Pacey says that the world is surprising and that after a break up, you feel like you’ll never fall in love again. But you do, in the most unexpected places. EXCUSE ME WHILE I SQUEE.
Diva: #SQUEETIME
K: Joey scoffs, and Pacey says he knows these things because he’s an actor. She grins at him and it’s adorable until Pacey notices that AJ’s turned up. With encouragement from Pacey, she heads back over to AJ. Pacey sadly watches her go. Suddenly, there’s a “JEN!” from off screen. Everyone looks up to see Henry standing in the rafters. “What the hell?” Jen says, which is totally legit because he’s like two storeys up. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, Jen tells Henry to get the fuck down. He basically copies Pacey’s character from the play and tries to get her to admit in front of an entire room of people that she’s embarrassed to be on a date with him and she’s put him through hell to disguise the fact that she really likes him. “Henry, get down…” she says. He admits defeat and asks for a ladder. Idiot child.
K: YES. Thank you, random extra.
Meanwhile, Joey and AJ are walking by the waterfront. He admits he’s been sitting in the car park since dropping her off, and starts rambling about how when people say things you don’t understand there’s a limited window in which you can ask them to explain. He asks if he did something wrong, and she says that when he kissed her she realised that he’s super smart and stuff, and that she knew he’d regret kissing her because she’s, like, super dumb and totally hideous to look at.
She asks if there’s anything that he’s not super knowledgeable about. “Girls. Beautiful girls,” he replies. He wibbles on about understanding what makes beautiful girls tick, and it’s possible I’ve been watching too much Criminal Minds, but the whole thing is sort of creeptastic and slightly serial killer-y. She glances up at the sky, and starts talking about the Northern Lights again. AJ says he’s seen them before, and it’s like the sky you’ve known your whole life is suddenly on fire. She thinks it sounds scary, but he says it’s beautiful too.
Back at the after party, Jack and Andie are on clean up duty. He says he’s sorry that Jerky McPhee couldn’t be there, and Andie says it’s better without him there, because it meant she was surrounded by people who only know Current!Andie and not Mental Illness!Andie. She’s felt like herself all night. She tells Jack that she had a mantra in the hospital – “structure and purpose“. The play gave her those things and gave her something to hold onto that wasn’t another person. Oof, girl. You need a hug. Jack asks if she’s okay, and she insists that she is. He points out that Pacey’s sadly sitting out in the cold on his own, and Andie goes to check on him.
She asks Pacey if he’s okay, and he says he’s got a lot on his mind. She says she’s sorry his parents couldn’t come, but it’s clear he’s hung up on certain other people who couldn’t make it. Andie brushes it off and says it’s a shame they couldn’t see him being a star. Pacey tells her that the people backstage, like the director, are the real stars of the show because their work goes unseen. She changes the subject to how he’ll definitely get a C in English now, and he jokes about his “return to academic mediocrity“.
Andie says that girls have all these fancy ideas about fixing guys up and how dumb it is (uh, YUP), and Pacey admits that he had “fixer-upper written all over me“. Bless. They laugh together and it’s adorable. Andie says she was wrong – he never needed to be fixed, and he never will. “Because you’re perfect as is,” she says. He tells her that she’s perfect too. They hug and I have a lot of feels. She asks what her next project should be, and they walk off into the night together, back to their pre-relationship adorable banter.
K: EXACTLY.
Elsewhere, Jen and Henry are walking. She says she’s got no sympathy for his mass embarrassment, and tells him to stop with the public declarations because he doesn’t have to try so hard. He says he just wants to be totally honest. She insists no one has that but children, then realises that he’s still a child somehow still got that innocence. Henry insists that she has it too, she’s just forgotten about it. She’s all “LOL NOPE”, but he says he can teach her. He tells her to say whatever’s in her heart. Jen leans in and kisses him. Girl, no. He’s a murderer.
Potter B&B. Joey arrives home, and Bessie comes to the door in her PJs to say that a certain boy is waiting to see her. Sadly, that boy is Dawson. She asks why he’s there and WOW HER SHOES ARE REALLY UGLY.
Dawson says that he needed to see her because “I suddenly felt very lost“. Because she’s awesome, Joey’s all “Fucking duh, you idiot”. She says she thinks he lost his true north, the point that he guides himself by. He nods sadly, and asks what her true north is. Joey says she doesn’t think she has one. Dawson suddenly stares up in the sky with surprise and we’re treated to some terrible stock footage of the Aurora Borealis. Joey says with a grin that it’s typical that it would happen with Dawson when she’s been waiting all night to see them with another boy and UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH WE GET IT, THEY’RE FUCKING SOULMATES OR WHATEVER. They sit together quietly staring up at the sky as we fade to black.
This episode can be summed up in one word: bleh. I have zero fucks to give about AJ, I can’t stand Henry, and Dawson’s existential crisis is utterly meaningless because we all know he’ll be back making terrible movies in two episodes time. On the plus side, the interactions between Pacey and Joey were cute, and it was nice to see Andie back to her old self again.
Diva: This episode made me tired. I know this was an episode featuring Pacey as the lead role in a play, and giving him lots of emotional scenes, but IT STILL #NEEDSMOREPACEY. Or, you know, less AJ/Henry/Dawson.
Next time: Jack’s ex-girlfriend is in town, leading to much awkwardness because she doesn’t know he’s gay in Dawson’s Creek S03 E14 – Valentine’s Day Massacre.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
I'm a J.D. by day/blogger by night who directs her snark and judgment primarily towards celebrities and their many red carpet mishaps. Blogging from the style capital of the world (just kidding - I live in DC), I rant and rave over the best and worst in fashion and pop culture.
