Previously: Mrs. DiLaurentis turned up dead.
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Surfing the Aftershocks
Jessica: Ali is lying on her bed while voiceovers of the Liars ask if she’s ok. Light and shadows play over her face as we assume the days pass. I know Ali can be a manipulative bitch and all, but I can’t begin to imagine the trauma of nearly being murdered, buried alive, on the run for three years and then come back to find your mom murdered. Damn.
Mr. DiLaurentis and Jason join in the voiceovers, rudely telling the Liars to get out.
Ali is next seen getting ready for her mother’s funeral. (M: I don’t get how many days passed by…)(J: Maybe there were just lots of cars driving by with their brights on.) Downstairs, Mr. D tells New Jason that he doesn’t want any police or press at the funeral or near the cemetery. The Liars are waiting awkwardly across the living room. Hanna comes down and when they ask how Ali is, she says she’s about what anyone could expect of a person going to their mother’s funeral.
They argue over whether the dog knew she was there or just wanted to dig. Aria thinks A is behind this while the other girls are still firmly in the camp of fingers-in-ears-La-La-La-A-is-dead-it’s-all-cool-now.
They do still see Mona as a threat, however, since she knows that Ali lied to the police about being kidnapped. Spencer says there’s someone else to worry about. Aria thinks it’s Noel Kahn, but Spencer says no, and they all turn to look significantly at Ali as she descends the stairs.
She’s wearing a different black dress than the one Hanna picked out for her. Apparently it’s one of her mom’s dresses. Mr. D seems overly upset by this, even when Ali explains she just wanted to feel close to her mother. Mr. D insists that she change it, but backs off when New Jason says they’re late and have to go. Everyone looks super awkward as the DiLaurentis men leave.
Ali asks the Liars why he was so mean, and Spencer tells her that that was the dress her mother wore to her funeral. They share some looks, then Hanna and Aria walk her out. “Coincidences happen,” Emily says as they linger behind. Spencer angrily likens them to coconuts growing on trees “waiting for you to walk right under them.”
Marines: Was all of that significantly stupid or is that just me being way over this show? I can never tell these days.
J: SHHHHHH.
Rosewood High LOL-school principal’s office. The principal tells the Liars that they’ve had a rough time lately (understatement!) and he’s glad they’re back, but things won’t be the same as before. He says the school will protect them from the press, but only so much. He also wants to make sure they won’t cause any disruptions themselves. “You won’t even know we’re here,” Hanna says.
Walking out in the halls, Spencer expresses a wish to transfer to a high school in a far away place like Borneo. “Maybe coming back wasn’t such a good idea,” says Emily, and a million viewers shout “DUH!” at their screens.
Mari: FFS. JUST. MOVE.
J: The girls are still worried about people learning the truth about Shana, saying sooner or later someone will connect the dots and figure it out, though really, I don’t know if that should be so much a concern, seeing how inept the LOLPD is here.
Spencer is more worried about the people who know Ali lied about New York — Mona, Noel Kahn and Ezra. Everyone gets super awkward and avoid Aria’s gaze. Spencer forges ahead and says that someone needs to talk to him to make sure he won’t say anything to contradict Ali’s latest lie. Aria refuses, saying that they’re over and walks away. If only I could believe this!!
Mari: Let’s just enjoy it while it’s true.
J: Emily is sure that the Rosewood LOLPD will eventually get their heads out of their asses and manage to poke holes in Ali’s kidnapping lie, and when that happens, she wants to be prepared with “something real” they can give the police to explain their crazy behavior over the past few years. That would be– who tried to kill Ali in the first place and who killed Mrs. DiLaurentis.
“We’re all thinking the same person,” Emily says.
“Really? Did you start reading minds?” Spencer snits back and somehow that just struck my funny bone. Oh Spencer, never change.
Hanna calls out New Jason as the murderer. Spencer disagrees. Hanna thinks the email Mrs. D sent about not protecting someone anymore was to New Jason. They don’t think Mrs. D would have helped anyone other than her son cover up murdering her daughter right in front of her.
Mari: Five season and not only do these girls think A is for sure definitely gone, they have learned nothing about falsely accusing people or how crap it is to be on the end of false accusations. I don’t really get how they think that everyone AND no one is guilty.
J: The more I watch, the more I think A has a pretty easy job messing with these girls.
The bell rings and Spencer heads to class. Hanna and Emily hang back to talk. Emily thinks Spencer’s in denial because New Jason is her half brother, and suggests a trip to Philadelphia that evening to find out what’s at the house that New Jason was hanging out in. Hanna can’t though. She says she has to take Ali to the funeral home and walks off while Emily looks confused. I also am confused. (M: They always confuse me.)
Lockers. Mona comes up behind Aria and welcomes her back but in a kind of snarky way. Aria responds likewise. Mona wants Aria to sign a get well card for Ezra. “You know what happened to him in New York?” Mona asks, and I can’t tell if she doesn’t know that Aria knows or what, but the fact that I’m even thinking like this means this show is in my head. Aria replies that he was mugged, and Mona emphasizes “He was SHOT” and I cheer again in remembrance. (M: 1430 for that bullet!)
“He’s back now,” she adds and my cheering fades. Aria furrows her brow. He’s not back teaching, but he’s back in Rosewood, because of course. Aria brushes it off and walks down the hall, but Mona follows her, saying she should probably sign the card “for sake of appearances.”
Hanna shows up, asking if Mona will deliver the card with candy, but Mona seems to think being shot in the stomach warrants flowers instead. Hanna signs the card and hands it to Aria with a firm “Sign.”
Mona switches gears, wondering what it’s going to be like when Ali returns, probably wanting to pick up where she left off, and with quite the story to tell. I have to say, I kinda like evil Mona right now, and I’m not sure why. Maybe because she’s more interesting to watch than the Liars’ constant worried looks. “Couldn’t be more exciting if she made up the whole thing,” Mona finishes, and walks off. Hanna calls after her, wondering if she’s seen Noel Kahn lately. Mona non-answers and that whole exchange was pretty much pointless.
In another part of the school, Emily bumps into someone and drops a single small notebook, but luckily Paige is there to pick it up! “I wasn’t following you,” she says quickly. Sure Paige.
Things are awkward, then Emily sees a girl down the hallway staring at her. I don’t know what is up with this girl’s face, but her lips are weirdly disproportionate to the rest of her face.
Mari: I’m really worried about her posture in this scene. It’s hurting my back just looking at it. Also, this actress is Chloe Bridges. If you look at her IMDB, her “trademark” is “full lips.” Also if you type “PLL Sydney…” into Google, the third suggested search is “PLL Sydney lips.”
J: Huh. Well, I guess Aria gets her big eyes, so this girl gets her own thing. The better to whisper secrets with, I suppose.
Emily sighs and says she’s tired of being stared at, even though it’s one person and that’s all we’ve seen of this, but sure, whatever. Paige says she’ll take care of it because the girl’s a new member of the swim team, but Emily just shrugs and walks off.
Mona appears out of nowhere behind Paige. She’s really setting up her web in this episode. She gives Paige the card for Ezra.
Lockers. Duck-lips girl is staring at Emily with a completely blank expression, sort of like a serial killer. Emily sees her and walks up to confront her. Turns out, she wasn’t staring because Emily “knows the dead girl who isn’t dead anymore” but because Emily was a swimming super star. #Awkward. Emily apologizes and starts to walk away, but Duck-lips isn’t done fan girling yet. She says, “I thought you’d be taller! Well, you’re tall….” and makes an awkward grimace.
She asks if Emily misses being on the team, which she does. Then she asks if Emily would consider helping her out, giving a critique of her swimming. The bell rings and Emily gets a weird pained expression on her face and we switch to the next scene.
Nighttime lighting. The camera pans across to a close-up of Spencer’s face, staring intently through her window at another window in the DiLaurentis house. Melissa walks up behind her, giving stalking advice. “Don’t let them catch you looking.” Spencer doesn’t think the DiLaurentis’ and Hastings’ are like the Hatfields and McCoys, but Melissa counters that it’s more like the Borges and Medicis which, granted, feels a bit classier, but as Spencer points out “that ended pretty nasty too.”
Turns out, Melissa is also in the New-Jason-killed-his-mother camp. She changes the subject to asking why Spencer sent Toby after her, and Spencer says that he did that on his own. Spencer wants to know why she lied about seeing him. Like a true lawyer’s daughter, Melissa responds that “on a practical level, there was no difference between me seeing him and knowing he was there.” Spencer’s not taking that for an answer though. Melissa claims she was protecting Wren, but doesn’t go into detail as to how that actually makes any kind of sense.
Melissa warns Spencer to stay away from Ali and the DiLaurentis family. Spencer brings up that they’re related to parts of that family, but Melissa doesn’t agree with the “blood is thicker than water” proverb. She warns Spencer that blood “can be very slippery.” I don’t know if it’s just the overly dramatic delivery, or what, but… what? That is so weird and definitely a thing a murderer might say.
Mari: I mean, the next step up the “murder-y things to say” ladder would probably just be, “I have lots of experience in bloodletting.” Which Melissa probably does.
J: Funeral Home. Ali and Hanna are there, but I’m not sure why. Ali share that she hates funeral homes, because her mom took her to all her relatives’ funerals as a kid as a lesson about the fragility of life. Her rant ends as she’s distracted by a painting with a white-shrouded figure in a boat. She pales and nervously says she’ll be right back, running out of the room.
The funeral home guy walks in and hands the guest book from the funeral to Hanna. He mistakes her for Ali, saying he talked with her father the other day, but she lets him keep talking until Ali walks back in, then admits that she’s not Alison. He apologizes and Ali decides to choose this moment to bring up how it used to be harder to tell her and Hanna apart. You know, because she was FAT.
Hanna turns to look at herself and Ali in a nearby mirror, which throws her into a flashback. Younger, fatter Hanna is looking at a missing poster of Alison while eating at an outdoor café. Mona appears to ask how she is, giving a slightly judgey look at the three empty cupcake wrappers in front of Hanna. (M: I wish I had just eaten some cupcakes.) Ali has been missing for two months; Mona says she probably won’t come back.
Hanna comments that Mona looks different without her glasses. Mona offers to tell her the secret to becoming unforgettable, and we snap back out of the flashback.
Hastings House. Spencer and her dad talk, and he asks her how she’d feel if they sold the house. He’s willing to take a loss on the real estate price to get away from the DiLaurentis family. Spencer reminds him that no matter where they go, they’ll always be connected. Because he couldn’t keep it in his pants. (that last part was me) “Sometimes complicated problems have simple solutions,” he says, which is DEFINITELY something a murderer would say.
Mari: But also MOVING. TRY IT.
J: Spencer brushes by that, and offers Melissa’s New-Jason-did-it theory. She wants him to convince Melissa to not talk to the police about it, but he’s happy to have them look anywhere away from the Hastings family and storms off.
Side note: I checked and this episode isn’t quite half over, but so much nothing has happened! Aaaaaghh.
We’re back! Aria stands outside the door of Ezra’s Pedo-partment, but chickens out before knocking. Of course, contrivance brings him to open the door as she leaves. They stare at each other and the music gets all dramatic, then we fade to black.
Returning, Aria has followed Ezra back into his apartment. He’s walking with a cane because, sure. He apparently has a nurse visit him once a day. Aria just glares at him.
“I know I promised not to come back here,” he says, “but I didn’t really have anywhere else to go.” Nope, no one from your super rich family would take you, I’m sure. And none of your super rich money would work on any hotel rooms or new apartments either. Totally legit.
Mari: Aw, but look, we should feel bad for him because cane and scruffy beard.
LOL. No.
J: He’s definitely let himself go since being shot. But I still only feel the urge to beat him with his cane.
Ezra’s all caught up on Ali’s lie and Mrs. DiLaurentis’ death. He asks if Aria has heard from Shana and she says no. He warns her to be careful. She’s done looking at his sad scruffy face though and says she needs to go. He has a new fancy lock installed, which gives him a chance to get close to her at the door. He thanks her for coming and they make moony eyes at each other until she leaves.
Swim team locker room. Duck-lips girl, whose real name is Sydney, discusses swimming tactics with Emily. Paige shows up and Emily gives her a look but lets it happen. Sydney asks if they’ve spent time together and they muddle through how they were together both in and out of the pool. Sydney decides it’s time to leave and the two stare at each other awkwardly for a second before Emily leaves.
Hideaway shack. Aria tells Ali about her visit with Ezra, that he will back it up if anyone asks. Aria admits he doesn’t know about Shana, and Ali says that’s good. Aria tells Alison that if she goes back to Rosewood High, Mona will definitely make trouble for her.
Aria hands Ali Ezra’s manuscript. “Keep it, burn it, I don’t care.”
Alison tells her again that the Shana thing was self-defense and Aria gets quiet, asks if she needs anything else, then leaves.
Philadelphia. The same creepy guy that scared the girls off last time walks out of a doorway and greets Emily and Hanna. He asks if they’re still looking for a sublet and Emily admits that wasn’t what they were after. He starts to walk off, but Hanna reveals that she’s done some investigating into him, at the restaurant he frequents down the street. They tell him they want to see New Jason and he seems to be considering the offer when the scene ends.
DiLaurentis Domicile. Spencer came over to see New Jason, who is packing a bag. He says he’s leaving Rosewood. “My mother had a lot of secrets. Too many. That’s what really killed her.” “And Alison?” Spencer asks. New Jason doesn’t like seeing her all the time; he calls his house haunted. Spencer hands him the printout of the email that Mrs. D sent. He doesn’t really react, but makes some cryptic comment about he thinks he knows where Spencer got the email.
In the car, Emily and Hanna talk. They wonder who she sent the email to, if it wasn’t New Jason. He has the alibi which they got from the Philadelphia fellow. Emily asks Hanna if she’s disappointed it’s not him, but she’s mostly disappointed that once again they have nothing. Me too. Me. Too.
A song on the radio leads into a Hanna flashback. She and Mona slow-walk down the high school hallway being fashionable, as all the plain-looking high schoolers stare at them in envy, including Emily and Spencer.
J: Or- “where is that breeze coming from?”
Back to the present. Hanna asks Emily what it was like to come out. She wonders what it was like to stop being one thing and become something else, but Emily says it wasn’t becoming something else but who she really was. She always knew, but couldn’t admit it. Hanna says she never knew what she was.
DiLaurentis Domicile. Spencer’s still talking to New Jason about the email. Mrs. D never sent it, and New Jason says she must have changed her mind. Spencer asks why and he asks what she would do in that situation. Spencer guesses Mrs. D decided to deliver the message in person, because like most of Rosewood she has no sense of self-preservation. So she went and told this person Ali was alive and was killed.
New Jason asks if she has any idea who that could be and Spencer has “tons of ideas.” LOL. New Jason asks her if she’d rather be right or happy, which I don’t really think applies here, and neither does Spencer.
“Cut your losses Spencer, get out while you still can,” he says. He also tells her not to trust their father, and dramatic music ends the scene.
Ezra’s Pedo-partment. Ali’s there now, and thanks Ezra for being on that roof (in New York, when he was shot, remember when he was shot? Yay!) and saving them. She says she’s glad he didn’t die, but she’s in the minority there.
She brought his manuscript back, having managed to read it without clawing her eyes out. She didn’t find what she was looking for though— enough information to help her stay alive. She thinks there’s more that he didn’t put in the manuscript, that he didn’t destroy. If there was anything like that, he says, he would only keep it if it would help Aria in some way. Ali significantly suggests he keep it safe.
Mari: It’s really super gross how everyone casually mentions or dances around the fact that this man spied on them for years. Just a reminder.
J: As she leaves, Ezra tells Ali to tell Aria that she was there, because he’s hoping honesty will be enough to erase the several years of stalking and lying and get her back. I would say he has no chance in hell but …. I’m jut not that optimistic anymore.
Rosewood’s One Coffee shop. Emily and Hanna enter and they see Mona. Hanna walks over with a question. “Shoot,” says Mona. “Metaphorically speaking.”
Hanna accuses Mona of changing her when she made her over. “You made me dye my hair, you made me wear her clothes, you made me walk like her, talk like her!” Mona says Hanna didn’t exactly argue. “Ali was gone but you wanted her back,” says Hanna. “Why?”
Mona wants gratitude for the Ali-upgrade. “I’d still be me,” Hanna says, but Mona says that she was pretty unforgettable, and walks away as Hanna gets teary-eyed.
Spencer is bringing Aria up to speed on her talk with New Jason and his alibi, as confirmed by Emily and Hanna. Spencer says she knows that she didn’t kill whoever is in Ali’s grave, but can’t prove it, and isn’t sure her parents believe her. Oof. Hastings parents are definitely the worst.
Spencer switches gears, apologizing to Aria that she was the one who ended up going to Ezra’s (but not to the audience that Ezra is still here at all). “Are you ok? Do you need anything?” Spencer asks, mirroring the questions from the beginning of the episode. Aria says she needs to take back Shana’s murder, but that’s impossible. Spencer gives her a hug.
Random Rosewood street at night. Ali is walking alone WHY?? Someone calls her name and comes up. It’s Mr. Hastings. Remember when Aria’s dad was the creepy suspicious one? Well now it’s Spencer’s dad. (M: The Montgomerys are just absent now, along with every other parent…)(J: They like to focus on just one or two parent sets at a time. Because grown-ups are old and boring, except when they might be murderers.) He asks how she’s doing. He’s surprised to see her alone, and she says she has to get out sometimes. There are police at her house, but she says she knows the town better than any of the LOLPD and can take care of herself. Mr. H says he feels he needs to give her a ride home. Like a murderer. The music gets louder and more ominous as we close-up on Alison’s face, then cut to the next scene with no answer. That has happened at least five times this episode. Can they just not think of what to say next, or is this their terrible attempt at creating tension? From a recapping standpoint especially, it’s frustrating.
Mari: It’s a little bit funny if you pretend the conversations really end there. Like, as soon as we cut away all that happened is that they two people walk away from each other without another word. That’s why no murders get solved here. People can’t talk to each other for longer than two minutes.
J: Still nighttime. Emily gets out of her car and stops to see Paige sitting on her porch. Fortunately it’s not all that creepy, because Emily’s mom at least knows she’s there. Emily says the fight- and them- is over. Paige gives a teary speech about practicing what to say to Emily. I just want them to be together and happy again! Paige still loves Emily. But Emily just says, “I’m sorry.” Sad Paige walks off. Emily calls out to her, saying she deserves the best, but Paige says, “that’s what I had” and walks off still sad.
J: I know! She did a full 180 and I really like her now. Hang in there, Paige!
Hastings House. Mr. H walks into the kitchen, and Spencer is waiting for him, asking where he’s been. He holds up a white bag, filled with pretzels that he’ll share with her if she doesn’t tell her mother. Um, weird. He adds it’s because of the salt in the pretzels that she shouldn’t know he’s eating. Sure guy. Whatever.
Spencer brushes past this, and cuts right to the chase. She’s getting very like Hanna these days. She shows him the email printout and tells him what it is. He says it doesn’t mean anything, but Spencer keeps pushing. Melissa appears to her father’s defense. “I know what your idea of a conversation is.” LOL. Melissa reads the printout, but Mr. H says not to worry about that. She tears it into pieces and accuses Mrs. D of being crazy.
Mr. H yells at them both to stop fighting. Melissa thinks they should tell Spencer something, but Mr. H shuts that down in a hot second and orders her upstairs. “You can’t lie about something you don’t know anything about,” he says.
Aria is back at Ezra’s Pedo-partment and UGH WHY?? She apparently felt the need to come back and talk to him about Alison’s visit. He says he thought he would never see Aria again and she was sure of that too and we were all hoping that but, as Aria says next, “But, here I am again.” Yes. There you are.
Mari: I like that she says “back at the scene of the crime,” and he’s all, “no crimes happened here!” Well, really, with all the stalking and sleeping with a minor, it depends who you ask, Ezra! I’m sure some people would agree with you. I’m sure some people isn’t me.
J: Oh boy, now she’s about to confess. Yep, she tells him that Shana is dead and that she killed her. Ezra has this hilariously wide-eyed look on his face, and with him wounded it almost feels like a Rear Window situation, but alas that does not last. He stands dramatically and asks how he can help.
Mari: Answer: go away forever.
J: Hair salon. The stylist asks Hanna if she wants the same shade of blond, but Hanna says no.
END. And I run for freedom.
Next time on Pretty Little Liars: Ali tries to regain her position as Queen Bee in S05 E04 – Thrown from the Ride.
I'm a chronic book nerd and love storytelling in all forms. I'm particularly excited by the rise of the television show as an art form with long, cinematically beautiful plots and complex character arcs (I also watch cartoons). My travels in the past handful of years have led me through three continents and most recently landed me among the majestic mountains of Colorado. Some day I will compile all my travel journals/blogs into one place. Some day. Until then, you can find me with craft beer in hand, ready at any moment to deeply and passionately discuss survival tactics for the zombie apocalypse.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
