Previously: Dean boinked an angel, but not the one the fandom was hoping for.
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Family Remains
Kirsti: In a creepy old house in the middle of nowhere, an older guy is watching TV when the lights suddenly go out. He eyerolls a little and heads over the door, but it’s locked. He’s confused, and turns to see a ghostly girl appear out of the closet. “Y-you? It’s impossible!” he says before yelling at her to stay away from him. She smiles creepily and we see blood splatter all over the walls as the guy screams.
CREEPY BIRDS!
After the Not Credits, Sam wakes up in the backseat of the Bromobile. I can’t imagine that’s a comfortable place to sleep if you’re 6’4″. I also can’t imagine he’d want to be sleeping there if he knew what Dean had been doing back there in the previous episode. (M: I’m hoping Dean’s car love means he at least wiped it down…) (K: PROBABLY. But still…) But I digress. Dean’s in the front seat, studying papers by torchlight, and Sam’s all “Dude, we literally just finished a job. Maybe chill for like five minutes?”. Dean’s all “Hahahaha, NO” because sleep = memories of Hell = bad = playing a few rounds of Goodbye Mr. Liver. Sam asks if they’re just going to keep pretending that Dean never mentioned that whole having tortured people in Hell thing, and Dean changes the subject.
He brings up the case in question – a classic locked door mystery in Stratton, Nebraska. I’m going to digress again to tell a story: the first time I travelled to the US on my own was back in 2004, and I was going to stay with a friend who lived in a small town in Nebraska. So obviously, I wrote “NE” on my arrivals card. The immigration officer stared at it blankly for like 2 straight minutes, and then went “Ohhhhhh, you’re going to New England!”. No, sir. I’m going to the place that’s actually a state. Yes, I know it’s shocking that someone would voluntarily spend 17 hours trapped in metal cylinders to visit Nebraska, but there you have it.
Anyway, the boys agree that it sounds like a ghost, and Sam flops down to get some more sleep as they Bro off into the night.
The next morning, they arrive at the creepy murder house, and we see the “FOR SALE” sign out the front before the camera pans down to show us that the “SOLD” sign has fallen off and is lying in the grass. The boys break in and do some exploring. Dean finds a hollow wallspace in the kitchen, and Sam says it’s probably a dumbwaiter. “Know-it-all,” Dean replies. Sam looks confused and Dean plays innocent, then smirks when he turns away. It’s a total sibling thing to do.
K: Life may come and go, but annoying your siblings is forever.
Sam pulls out his EMF meter and says it’s all over the place. But there are powerlines nearby, so that’s the likely cause. Dean pulls open a cupboard, and finds a doll head sitting in the bottom of it. They agree that it’s creepy and disturbing. Before they can explore further, they see a moving van and a car coming up the driveway and panic a little.
Cut to outside. A middle grade boy – who I recognise from the episode of Grey’s Anatomy where he persuaded McSteamy to build him new ears – jumps out of the car, his dog trailing behind. They run off as the rest of the family – mum, dad, teenage sister, and slightly weird uncle – get out of the car and moving van. The girl bitches about the lack of phone reception, and her dad jokes about it.
There’s some more family bickering, and then they spot the boys rushing down the front stairs. They introduce themselves as being from County Code Enforcement, and claim the house can’t be lived in because it’s full of asbestos. They encourage the family to go stay in a motel just down the road. When the father, who I’m going to call Terrible Idea Dad on account of he’s the one who wanted to move to a murder house in the middle of nowhere, asks what happens if they don’t leave. Dean says they’ll be thrown in jail. Terrible Idea Dad agrees to go to the motel. Kate, the teenager, bitches some more: “I hope this one has hooker sheets, like the last one“.
Later, the boys go to talk to the cleaning lady who found the body. She infodumps that the dead guy had a hard life on account of his wife died and then his daughter hanged herself in the attic twenty years later. Inexplicably, she has some photos of the wife and daughter, which she hands over. (M: Way to creepily steal photos from the house you are cleaning…?) (K: RIGHT?!) Dean asks if she ever noticed anything weird in the house, like flickering lights. She initially says no, then mentions that sometimes she’d hear something moving in the walls, like rats. And yet, she never saw any rats. After finding out that both the wife and daughter were cremated, the boys leave. As they walk to the Bromobile, they decide to give the house a good once over to try and work out who the ghost is.
Back at the creepy murder house, the family haven’t gone anywhere. Uncle Ted – clearly a supporter of Terrible Idea Dad – had decreed that there is no asbestos and that the boys are lying liars who lie. They start unpacking the van, and Kate spots a face in an upstairs window. She’s startled, but when she looks back, there’s nothing there. Her mother walks up and promises that everything’s going to be better now. Kate’s all “Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Everything will be fine in this TOTALLY MURDERY HOUSE WHERE A GUY DIED.”
That night, the middle grade boy – Danny – is playing video games in his room but claims to be unpacking in response to parental inquiries. He hears a noise, and a baseballs rolls out of the cupboard towards him. Instead of running away like A NORMAL PERSON, Danny walks closer and introduces himself to something we can’t see. (M: Sure, introduce yourself TO A GHOST. Scary deadness is no reason to forget your manners.) Down in the kitchen, his parents are discussing possible things to plant in their new and confusing vegetable garden. Not On Board With This Mum wants to know what the hell they’re doing on a farm. Terrible Idea Dad insists that things will be different. She says they’d better be because she can’t put their kids through another super shitty year.
The Bromobile pulls up on the road out front, and the boys headdesk a little about this family who clearly have a death wish. Sam jokingly suggests they tell the truth and bitchfaces when Dean takes him seriously. Back inside, Terrible Idea Dad spots something on the wall, and demands that Danny come downstairs and explain himself. The camera pans out to show us the word “GO” written in huge red letters.
Apparently it’s crayon, though I’m not convinced crayon would make that good an impression on ugly wallpaper. Oil pastel, maybe. Crayon? Not so much. Danny comes downstairs and insists that he didn’t do it. The girl in the walls did. Terrible Idea Dad is all “…the fuck?” and Danny says the girl in the walls hates grown ups and will get super pissed if they don’t leave but that he can stay. Terrible Idea Dad sends him to his room, and Danny yells “If Andy were here, he’d believe me!” as he stomps off.
Upstairs, Kate lies on her bed sulking. There’s a noise, and she drops a hand over the side of the bed, telling the dog that she hates it here too. We hear licking, and Kate’s all “Ew, Buster, gross”. Just then, her bedroom door opens and the dog sticks his head in. Kate stares at him in horror, then screams bloody murder. Which is totally legit, because that’s total Year 7 camp ghost story territory.
Mari: Also, slobber.
K: After the Not Commercial Break, Kate’s downstairs hyperventilating as her parents demand to know what happened. “I just got molested by Casper the pervy ghost! That’s what happened!” Terrible Idea Dad looks confused, and Danny insists it’s the girl in the walls. There’s a knock on the door, and it’s the Winchesters who say they heard screaming. After some initial “did you molest my teenage daughter?” confusion, they tell the family that there’s a ghost in the house and that everyone’s in danger. Dean tells them to leave while they still can, but the lights go out.
Suddenly, we hear the dog howling from outside. Terrible Idea Dad rushes outside, followed by the boys and Uncle Ted. They find a thick trail of blood across the grass, and the words “TOO LATE” written in blood on the side of the van. Supernatural, KILLING DOGS IS UNACCEPTABLE AND I REFUSE TO ALLOW IT. STOP IMMEDIATELY. Sam and Dean tell Terrible Idea Dad to take his family to the motel before it’s too late. But, as indicated by the message in dog blood, it’s already too late. All their tyres have been slashes, and the stash of weapons in the boot of the Bromobile is gone. Dean’s super pissed.
Mari: The ghosty did try to warn you it was too late, though.
K: Kate glances up and sees Ghost Girl standing in a nearby field. She screams and points, but when everyone turns to look, Ghost Girl is gone. The boys are confused about why a ghost is outside, and herd everyone back into the house. Inside, Dean sets a salt circle, and informs everyone that ghosts can’t cross the line. Terrible Idea Dad scoffs that this is the worst plan ever and that he’s going to take his family and get the fuck out. Dean threateningly informs him that no one’s going anywhere until they’ve stopped the ghost. Sam plays good cop and says this is what they do. Danny asks if they hunt ghosts “Like Scooby-Doo?” and Dean’s “EXCUSE YOU?” face is priceless.
Sam pulls out the photos of the wife and daughter and asks Kate if either of them is Ghost Girl. It’s the daughter, apparently, but much paler and grubbier. Sam suggests to Dean that maybe her spirit’s attached to something in the house and that it’s worth investigating the attic because that’s where she died. Uncle Ted interjects that he’s not going to let “some backwoods hillbilly bitch” – misogyny shots! – stop him from leaving, and Dean threatens to shoot him. Sam’s all “Dude, the fuck?” and calms Dean down enough that he can go investigate the attic. Uncle Ted needles at Dean some more and Dean glares.
Just then, the door opens and Ghost Girl walks in. Dean reminds everyone that she can’t cross the salt line. She stops at the edge of it, and the camera pans down to show us that she’s holding a crude knife. Then she steps across the line and all hell breaks loose.
Dean flails around ineffectively with a poker and she knocks him down, screaming as she slices at him. The others run. Sam appears and shines his torch in Ghost Girl’s eyes. She screams and vanishes into a wall. But, like, human vanishing. Because she’s not a ghost.
Mari: For not a ghost, homegirl has done a fair amount of disappearing. She must just run away really fast.
K: SUPER SPOOKY SPEED. Or something.
Outside, Dean asks Terrible Idea Dad where everyone is, and is told that they’re hiding. Dean tells him to go get them. Once Terrible Idea Dad is gone, Sam and Dean discuss how weird humans are, and who the girl is. She clearly can’t be the daughter because she’d be 50 by now. Dean has no other ideas. He asks what Sam found in the attic, and it’s basically a sad lack of weapons but also the daughter’s diary. The family members come running back, but Danny’s not with them. Terrible Idea Dad screams his name. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, Dean tells Not On Board With This Mum and Kate to go hide in the shed because the windows are boarded up and there’s only one door. Sam and Terrible Idea Dad head off to explore the outside of the house while Dean and Uncle Ted check inside. Dean finds a loose board in the kitchen and pulls it to reveal a space in the wall. He and Uncle Ted head inside, because that worked out SO WELL LAST TIME.
Dean finds a hole in the floor and Uncle Ted’s all “Dude, you CANNOT go down there”. But Dean says he has to. He clambers down, muttering “Please nobody grab my leg, please nobody grab my leg” under his breath.
K: Once in the Basement of No Seriously How Dumb Are You Do You WANT To Die, he finds the remains of the dog (sniff, tear, sob) and calls out to Uncle Ted that he’s found Ghost Girl’s kitchen. He finds a couple of stick figures on the wall drawn in blood. Meanwhile, Uncle Ted looks around him in disgust. Then Ghost Girl appears and stabs him for dissing her totally sweet wallspace. Or something. BYE TED. You were kind of a jerk. Dean hears him scream and rushes back in time to see Ted’s body flop through the hole.
Meanwhile, Sam and Terrible Idea Dad are locked in the shed with the womenfolk. There’s a knock on the door, and Dean demands to be let in. Not On Board With This Mum asks where Danny is, and when Dean says he didn’t find him, she asks where Uncle Ted is. Dean awkwardly informs them that he’s dead, and apologises profusely, clearly feeling guilty about being responsible for yet another lost soul. NOBWTM cries about losing her brother and her son, but Terrible Idea Dad assures her that Danny’s not dead, on account of the girl in the walls said he was allowed to stay. He says he can’t change what happened to Andy, but he’s going to find Danny.
Outside, Dean asks if Andy was their son. Yes, because apparently the nice white family in the horror movie cliche has to have a tragic backstory to explain their terrible decisions. He died in a car accident a year ago. (M: The grief! The grief makes them dumb!) Dean says he’ll get Danny back if it’s the last thing he ever does. Sam enternounces that they need to talk. Back inside, Sam says he’s been reading the daughter’s diary and she spent a lot of time talking about how ashamed she was of being pregnant. He’s pretty sure Ghost Girl is her daughter. Apparently the dead guy from the start of the episode called his daughter “a dirty little whore” – SHOTS! – and said he was going to lock the baby up. Because he was the father. “A story ripped straight from an Austrian headline…” Dean says in disgust.
They realise that he must have been feeding his grand/daughter (UGH) to have kept her alive all these years, and Dean thinks he knows how. Cut to a horrible night vision shot. Night vision never ends well on this show, it really doesn’t. We see Danny tied up, a gag in his mouth. He tries to scream and sees Ghost Girl come through a hole in the wall. She offers him a live rat, and he screams some more. She looks confused, then breaks its neck and bites in. Danny screams some more, which is totally legit. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, the boys break open the entrance to the dumbwaiter and stare down the shaft. Terrible Idea Dad screams Danny’s name. Dean says it’s his responsibility, and climbs down the shaft. Sam rushes off to find some curtains to use as a rope. In the basement, Dean finds his weapons and talismans scattered all over the floor, and grabs his favourite gun. Out in the shed, Not On Board With This Mum comforts Kate, then one of the windows bursts in. They scream. Dean finds more weapons, and whispers Danny’s name. He hears Danny’s muffled screams and scurries through a hole in the wall to find him still tied up.
He cuts Danny’s bonds and helps him back towards the dumbwaiter shaft. Danny tells him to hurry the fuck up because “he’s coming back!“. Because apparently Ghost Girl has a brother. Ew. Ghost Boy appears and attacks Dean. They fight as Danny scurries towards the dumbwaiter shaft. Back in the shed, NOBWTM and Kate back away from the window. A knife bursts through the wall behind them and they scream. In the house, Sam drops the curtain rope to Danny and they pull him up. The walls of the shed start shaking, and NOBWTM tries to hold them up with a rake. Dean fends off Ghost Boy with his torch, and manages to shoot him. Sam pops his head down the shaft to see what’s happening.
Meanwhile, Ghost Girl has managed to break down the wall. NOBWTM is trapped underneath it as Ghost Girl closes in with her knife. Suddenly, she’s dragged away by an ankle and we hear her screams accompanied by squelchy stabbing noises. Then Terrible Idea Dad pounds on the door. NOBWTM and Kate run outside to find Terrible Idea Dad holding a bloody knife. Kate cries and NOBWTM holds Danny as the camera pans from the Winchesters to Ghost Girl’s staring corpse. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, Dean fixes the tyres on the Bromobile while thanking Terrible Idea Dad and Not On Board With This Mum for giving them a head start before the police show up. He asks how they’re doing, and apparently psychotic incest children living in the walls and trying to murder them has brought their family back together??? I swear, the boys need to travel with a therapist so help pick up the pieces after they save people’s lives…
Mari: But also, maybe not because the Mum and Dad hold hands like everything is dandy. Marital problems are nothing in the face of incest children living in the walls.
K: Truth.
Somewhere down the road, it’s time for our regularly scheduled dose of man pain! (M: Ugh.) The boys sit on the car eating burgers, and Dean says that he feels for the Ghost Kids. They were abused and tortured their entire lives, so obviously that’s how they turned out. He’s clearly having Hell Feels. Sam tells him that he was in Hell and that that’s a good enough excuse to have done what he did. Besides, the Ghost Kids were basically animals. Dean insists that he was worse than them. They were just defending their territory. He tortured souls because he enjoyed it. After all the years of pain and torture, it was good to deal some out for a change. He didn’t care who it was. And no matter how many people he saves, he can’t fix what he did in Hell. He looks feelsy, and we fade to black.
Mari: It was okay. I guess not having to watch it too closely helped because while I’m usually a wuss, this was pretty easy for me to watch. I hated the dose of man pain at the end. The reveal that Dean was torturing souls was so good, but they kind of ruined it with this episodely dose of manpain. It’s getting to be too much and formulaic. What next episode? “Not only did I torture souls, not only did I like it, but also I signed up for overtime shifts and never took a lunch break.” STAHP WE GET IT.
K: Pretty much exactly.
Next time on Supernatural: MAGIC of the illusion variety in Supernatural S04 E12 – Criss Angel is a Douchebag.
(Yes, that’s really what it’s called.)
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
