Previously: Uriel was killing angels, Dean did a little torture, Sam’s drinking demon blood, and Anna murdered Uriel’s face off. And that’s what you missed on Glee Supernatural.
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It’s a Terrible Life
Kirsti: We open on an alarm going off at 6am. Well Respected Man by The Kinks starts playing as we watch Dean go about his morning – living in a posh apartment, wearing an expensive suit, making himself a fancy coffee, and driving to work in a Prius. When he starts the car, classic rock starts playing. He looks disgusted and changes the station to NPR.
He gets to work – a fancy high rise downtown – and his office door informs us that his name is Dean Smith and he’s head of Sales and Marketing for Sandover Iron. We montage through his day – furiously typing up documents, using a douchey phone headset so he can work on his putting while on the phone, talking to colleagues, having salad for lunch, and making phone calls about profitability and spreadsheets.
His boss, a guy who manages to look smug, douchey, and familiar (IMDB informs me he had 6ish episode runs in a bunch of stuff I used to watch, including Alias and Desperate Housewives) simultaneously, walks in and tells him he’s doing good stuff. Dean’s thrilled. Back to the montage. He talks to someone over the phone about how #officelife makes you fat, and takes notes about the lemon juice, cayenne pepper and maple syrup cleanse.
At 6.30pm, he leaves work and heads into the lift while checking his Blackberry. After a second in the lift, he gets “SOMETHING’S WEIRD” face and glances up. Sam, wearing an IT Support polo shirt, is staring at him in confusion. “Do I know you?” Sam asks. Dean’s all “NOPE”. Sam says that he looks ridiculously familiar, and Dean thinks Sam’s hitting on him. He gives Sam a judgey look as he leaves the lift, and Sam looks confused some more.
After the Not Credits, we watch memos print and pencils sharpen before panning across the cubicles of the IT department. Sam answers a call, and his name is apparently Sam Wesson. Smith and Wesson. Geddit?
Marines: I didn’t! But Google told me: GUNS.
K: Just like Winchester. (I mostly knew they were guns because I’m pretty sure either Mulder or Scully carried a Smith & Wesson??)
Sam asks the obligatory IT question:
(Which, let me tell you, works for photocopiers too) And then he plays with a vampire bobblehead as the person on the other end of the phone turns their machine off and on again. Obviously, that fixes the problem and he hangs up.
A young scruffy guy at the desk behind Sam’s scoots over to Sam in his roller chair and asks what Sam thinks of a female coworker because he’s pretty sure he needs to fuck her. SHOTS! Sam’s grossed out, but mostly because the woman in question is like 70. Scruffy Guy is clearly the rebel of the IT department because he’s the only one not in uniform. He suggests a coffee break, and Sam readily agrees.
They head over to another employee – an old guy – and suggest he join them. He types furiously and says he has no time. They’re both surprised, but as they walk away Scruffy Guy tells Sam that Old Dude got busted watching porn at work and got sent to HR the previous day and now he’s a total stresshead.
Mari: Busting people for porn on work computers IS A THING THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS. I don’t understand the thought process, but take it from this HR lady. People out there do it.
K: People disgust me.
As they head to the kitchen, we’re treated to a weird shot from inside the microwave as someone makes popcorn. Scruffy Guy pilfers four boxes of pencils from the stationery cupboard and Sam gets judgey. I would too. What the fuck does anyone need four boxes of pencils for unless they’re in primary school?
Scruffy Guy acts all innocent and asks Sam if he’s had any dreams lately. Sam’s all “Nooooo, why do I tell you things?” and Scruffy Guy begs because Sam’s fucked up dreams are the highlight of his day. He promises not to make fun of Sam’s latest dream, and Sam reluctantly tells him that he dreamt “I saved a Grim Reaper named Tessa from demons“. Scruffy Guy cracks up and Sam glares a little.
Later, he falls asleep in his cubicle and dreams his way through a montage of past episodes. After seeing Dean decapitate a vampire with an electric saw, Sam wakes with a start and looks panicky. Later again, he finds himself in a lift full of people, including Dean. Dean gives him “STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME” eyes, then looks worried when everyone but the two of them gets out at a particular floor.
As the lift starts up again, Sam turns to Dean and asks if he can ask a question. Dean gets all “NO HOMO” some more, and Sam eyerolls before awkwardly saying “What do you think of ghosts?“. Dean’s all “…whut”. (M: He probably wants the “homo” back.) Sam asks if Dean believes in vampires, because he’s been having weird dreams, and… He trails off awkwardly. Dean hammers on the lift button for the nearest floor, and tells Sam that he overshares, then scurries out of the lift.
Back in IT, Sam fields another “have you tried turning it off then on again?” call. As his caller tries that, Sam takes the Buffy Summers approach to research and Googles “vampires”. Somehow, the first result is a website with two million images relating to vampires?? Whatever, show. Sam finishes his call, and Scruffy Guy rolls over to ask what he’s looking at. Sam hurridly minimises his vampire search. (M: HR doesn’t care about vampire searches in my experience so far.) (K: Good to know.)
Scruffy Guy asks if Sam got an email from HR, and nope. Scruffy Guy makes a face, and Sam says they’re probably just going to tell him to stop stealing all the fucking pencils. Scruffy Guy heads off to HR, and Sam alt-tabs back to his vampires. Then he hears Old Dude being all “Noooooooo” because his computer crashed and he lost a whole day’s work. It’s the same noise I made half an hour ago when my little brother tried to video call me through Google Hangout because Skype was being a dick and Chrome crashed and I thought I’d lost this entire post. Thank you, WordPress autosave…
Mari: I’ve lost entire posts before and it is this actual saddest. Even more sad than losing work you are getting paid to do.
K: YUP.
Unlike me, Old Dude didn’t have autosave. He’s determined to get it back though and starts typing away furiously in DOS, though Sam assures him that it’s fine because these things happen sometimes. That night, Old Dude is sitting alone in the dark, begging his computer to find his work. But it’s gone. He says in a panic that he’s failed, and suddenly we can see his breath in the air. All the stress drains from his body, and he robotically walks to the kitchen.
Once there, he snaps all the tines off a plastic fork and uses it to convince the microwave that the door’s shut. Then he programs it for ten minutes, shoves his head inside, and hits start. He fries to death with a scream, and we pan up to the “Don’t heat your stinky food up in here it’s gross” type sign that seems to be a feature of every workplace kitchen. Fade to black, but with a cheery microwave ding.
After the Not Commercial Break, Sam watches as Old Guy’s wheeled out in a body bag. He looks up to see Dean among a crowd of office workers looking on with interest, and they make “IT’S YOU” eye contact. Dean asks the guy next to him if something about this seems “not right to you“, and the guy’s all “ALL OF IT”, which is pretty legit.
Mari: I wonder which part of it was the most not right to Dean because ALL OF IT is the only correct answer.
K: Truth.
Up in his office, Dean looks up Old Guy’s personnel file – which is totally something that the head of Sales and Marketing would have access to? – and sees a note on there saying that he was due to retire in two weeks. Down in IT, Sam rolls across to Scruffy Guy, who’s now in uniform. He asks why Old Guy would kill himself two weeks before retirement. Scruffy Guy – now clean shaven – snaps that he’s working. Sam teases him a little about wearing uniform and having shaved. The phone rings, and Not!Scruffy Guy answers. He hangs up and says he has to go upstairs and see a manager.
Cut to Not!Scruffy Guy knocking on Dean’s door. Dean tells him that he filled in a form incorrectly yesterday and he just needs him to fill in another one. Not!Scruffy Guy panics, saying he can’t believe he did that. Dean tells him it’s all good, but Not!Scruffy Guy starts ranting about how he’s failed the company. Dean tells him to calm down, but he runs off.
Dean follows him to the bathroom and tries to talk him down, but he’s muttering to himself in the mirror. The zoomy cameraman zooms in on Dean as he realises he can see his breath. Then all the automatic taps and soap dispensers turn on. (M: I hate when there is soap and water all over the sinks, man.) (K: SO MUCH.) Dean suggests they get the fuck out, and that’s pretty great advice. But also, I can’t help but be reminded of Ghostbusters 2 with all the pink liquid soap being spewed about. Dean shouts at Not!Scruffy Guy to look at him. He turns away from the mirror robotically, and pulls a pencil from his pocket. Then he jams it into his neck and collapses on the floor in a bloody heap.
Mari: And the moral of the story is not that when you steal pencils you’ll probably have one in your pocket for ghost-inspired suicide, but that COULD be the moral of the story.
K: Dean rushes to his side in a panic, then stops dead when he sees an old guy in old fashioned clothes reflected in the toilet stall door. He looks behind him and there’s no one there. Not!Scruffy Guy bleeds to death, and Dean screams for help. Later, he talks to the cops as the coroner wheels the body bag away. Sam is inexplicably there, and Dean stops talking when he sees him. They make weird eye contact again.
Back in IT, Sam answers his phone. “I need to see you in my office. Now!” Dean snaps. Sam arrives just as Dean finishes changing his bloody shirt. Dean tells him to shut the door, and asks who the fuck Sam is. Sam introduces himself, and Dean starts to say that he’s seeing ghosts but trails off. They establish that they both started at the company three weeks ago. Sam asks if he saw something in the bathroom, and Dean says he has no fucking clue.
Sam suggests the suicides are “something…not natural“. Dean scoffs, and asks what he’s basing that on. Sam thinks for a second, then says “…instinct?“. Dean reluctantly admits that he has the same instinct. Sam wibbles about his dreams and says they should investigate because he’s found a connection between the victims. Dean gets judgey because Sam found the connection by breaking into their email addresses. Anyway, they both got the same email to report to HR in room 1444. But HR is on level 7.
Dean asks if they should check it out, and Sam’s all “…now??”. Dean’s a little disappointed and says they should hold off. But Sam says he’s dying to investigate, and they head off like happy puppies. Meanwhile, a middle aged IT guy is heading for room 1444. He heads inside (it’s full of old tech equipment), and calls out “Hello?” a few times. The door slams behind him. He heads further into the room, and all the screens turn on, displaying static. He can see his breath on the air. All the screens start shaking.
Out in the hallway, the boys hear a scream and run towards the door. Sam tries it and it’s locked. So he kicks the door in. Dean’s impressed, and Sam kind of is too. They head inside to find Middle Aged IT Guy trapped under a shelving unit. They start to lift it off him, but the ghost appears and throws Dean across the room. Then he throws Sam. He rubs his fingers together, and electricity sparks between them. He reaches for Middle Aged IT Guy, but Dean grabs a pipe wrench from a conveniently located tool box and swings at him. It’s iron, and the ghost vanishes. The screens shut off. They help MAITG up, and Sam asks how Dean knew how to do that. “…I have no idea,” he replies. Fade to black.
Mari: I mean, all he did was swing a weapon. They have no reason to think anything else happened here besides, “big thing, swing it, ghost ran away.” But okay.
K: Valid point. I guess it’s more an “Oooooh, he still has skills!” thing for the audience?
After the Not Commercial Break, the boys are back at Dean’s apartment, freaking the fuck out. Sam wants a beer, but Dean got rid of all the carbs on account of his cleanse. They exchange “HOW THE FUCK DID WE DO THAT???”s, and Sam says it feels like they’ve done this before. He has this feeling that he should be doing else with his life, like he was destined for something else. Can we make Chosen One shots a thing? I feel like those should be a thing.
Mari: Maybe, but we basically have a full and complete drinking game with only misogyny shots, so.
K: True… Maybe we should start a Snark Lady Liver Transplant Fund just in case.
He asks if Dean feels the same, and Dean’s all “NOPE”. He doesn’t believe in destiny. Oh, Dean, you adorable cinnamon roll. Don’t worry. Destiny believes in you. Sam asks what they should do next, and Dean says “We do what I do best, Sammy. Research.” Sam makes disgusted faces over being called Sammy. Cut to sometime later and the boys working away on their respective laptops. Dean stumbles across a site full of instructional videos on ghost hunting, and we’re treated to a delightful cameo from the Ghostfacers! (M: SO GOOD, MUCH LIKE.)
According to Ed and Harry’s video, the first step is to work out what you’re up against. For some reason, the next section’s accompanied by Ocean’s Eleven-esque music, which is weird. Anyway, they work out that they’re up against P.T. Sandover, the founder of the company, who had literally no life outside of work and thought everyone else should be the same. And every time there’s a financial crisis, people at Sandover start killing themselves. Also, room 1444 used to be P.T. Sandover’s office. Obviously.
The second step according to the Ghostfacers is to kill it. They recommend using salt, iron and shotgun shells full of salt, which is a tip they learnt from “those useless douchebags“, the Winchesters. The boys pack a duffel bag with supplies and Dean asks where the fuck you get a gun from. Sam suggests a gun store, but then there’s waiting periods to deal with. They declare it impossible. Step Three: burn the remains. The boys look grossed out. More research leads them to discover that Sandover was cremated. The Ghostfacers advise their viewers to search for other genetic material – hair, fingernails, teeth.
Cut to the boys getting into the lift at Sandover. Dean tells Sam to “set your phone to walkie-talkie in case we get separated“. Is…is that a thing that phones could do? Because I’m pretty sure that was never a thing phones could do in Australia…
Mari: It was a thing for a short time but it was earlier 2000s. Nokia was like the leader in the walkie phones. I’m glad that was a real brief thing.
K: Uh, yeah. That sounds horrific.
Anyway, Sam wants to know how the fuck they’re going to find the DNA that’s keeping Sandover in the building. Dean suggests starting in room 1444.
They rummage around, and Sam gets busted by a security guard. He starts to stutter out an excuse, but the guard pulls him out of the room and locks the door behind him. Dean hides in the shadows. The guard takes Sam into the lift, and it starts heading for the ground floor. But the electronic screens flicker, and suddenly they can see their breath in the air. The lift screeches to a halt. The guard pries open the doors and they’re stuck between floors. He starts to lift himself through the door because the last time the lift broke, it took two hours to fix. Sam looks increasingly nervous. (M: Everyone knows how this is going to end. Everyone but security guard dude.)
Back upstairs, Dean keeps searching. He finds a framed picture of the Sandover bridge and looks thoughtful. Lift. The guard’s now out, and he tells Sam to come the fuck on. He reaches back in, demanding that Sam hurry up, and the lift lurches. The guard gets sliced in half and Sam gets covered in blood. Dean’s voice comes over his phone asking if he’s okay. Sam gasps a few times, then manages to say “Call you back“. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, Sam walks through IT and wipes blood off his face as Dean says they should meet on level 22. Sam advises him to take the stairs. Up on level 22, there’s a display about building the Sandover Bridge. It includes P.T. Sandover’s gloves. Dean freaks over how much blood is on Sam, then says he’s betting there’s some skin or hair or fingernail bits in the end of the glove.
They share a little “what the fuck are we doing?” moment, then Dean smashes the glass. Sam realises he can see his breath and looks panicky. He looks up in time to see Sandover throw Dean across the room and into a wall. I’d make Dean Gets Knocked Out Shots a thing, but we’d all have cirrhosis before we reached season 7. (M: Liver Fund coming soon!) Sandover throws Sam across the room too, then closes in with electricity shooting from his fingers. Sam grabs a salt container and flings salt at Sandover, who vanishes.
Dean pulls himself upright in time to give a nod of approval to Sam’s efforts. Sandover appears behind him, and Sam tosses him an iron poker. Dean swings and Sandover vanishes again. They’re both impressed by Dean’s catching abilities. Sandover appears between them and they both swing pokers. Sandover vanishes. Rinse and repeat a few more times, then he hurls them in opposite directions.
He closes in on Dean, fingers crackling. Sam rushes over to the gloves and sets them on fire. Sandover vanishes forever. The boys heave sighs of relief and agree that it was OMG AMAZE. They head to Dean’s office for a first aid kit, and Dean says “I’ve never had so much fun in my life!“. Oh, honey. No. Sam agrees, and says they should keep doing this. Dean scoffs because eating crappy diner food and sharing crappy motel rooms and not having health insurance sounds like a fucking awful idea.
Mari: I appreciate that in this whole scenario, they are letting Dean play the “this sounds bad” guy, since it was Sam who was more straight-laced when we started the story.
K: Sam sad pandas for a minute, then confesses that Dean was in his dreams. “We were these…hunters. And we were friends. More like brothers.” (M: These days they are brothers, less like friends…) He says their ghosthunting teamwork is proof of this, and suggests that maybe the ghost scrambled their brains. Dean’s all “LOL WHUT”. Sam goes one step further and suggests that these aren’t their real lives. Dean laughs and rattles off his personal history – he went to Stamford, his dad’s name is Bob, his mother is Ellen and his sister is Jo. Excuse me while I have thousands of feels about this.
Sam snaps that he wants to talk to one of Dean’s family members. Dean’s all “The fuck?” but Sam shouts that he moved to town because he broke up with his fiancee, Madison (ouch), but he called her number and got an animal hospital. Dean’s baffled, and Sam says he has a feeling in his gut that they’re meant to be something else, and he’s pretty sure Dean feels it too because he knows Dean. Not gonna lie, watching this episode really slowly over several days? A lot of it seems reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally gay. Anyway, Dean scoffs because he met Sam like a red hot minute ago. He tells Sam to leave and Sam looks like a kicked puppy as he heads out. Dean stares out the window as we fade to black.
Another montage of printers and photocopiers lets us know that it’s the next day. Multiple lines ring on Sam’s phone. He tries to ignore them, but the zoomy cameraman zooms in dramatically on the phone. Sam pulls off his headset, picks up the poker and goes full on Officespace on his phone. His coworkers scream. “I quit,” he says before walking out.
K: I think everyone has.
Upstairs, Dean’s typing away feverishly. Smug Douchey Boss walks in, and says he’s really pleased with Dean’s work. He writes a number on a piece of paper and hands it to Dean, saying that it’s the amount of his bonus. Dean’s impressed. Smug Douchey Boss says it’s to make sure he doesn’t go anywhere. He says if Dean works seven days a week and has lunch at his desk, maybe he’ll end up a Senior Vice President of the Western Great Lakes Division in 8-10 years.
Dean looks conflicted, then gives his notice. Smug Douchey Boss is all “WTF” and Dean tells him he’s realised there’s other work he has to do. He looks around the office and down at his suit, and says this isn’t who he’s supposed to be. Smug Douchey Boss grins, and says “Dean, Dean, Dean. Finally.” He reaches over and presses two fingers to Dean’s forehead, and suddenly the colour palate of the shot is very slightly darker.
Dean’s all “The fuck is happening? The fuck am I wearing? The fuck am I so hungry??”. Smug Douchey Angel chuckles. He introduces himself as Zachariah. He’s Cas’ boss, and he thinks being on earth is suuuuuper gross but clearly necessary after the Uriel Situation. Dean doesn’t appreciate being used, though Zachariah assures him it’s a real company with a real haunting. They just dumped the boys in the middle of it without their memories.
He goes on to say that most people don’t do squat with their lives. Dean gets to save people, change everything, and maybe even save the world. It’s a pretty fucking sweet existence. He tells Dean to look around him at the office and the work he’s been doing, and says there are plenty of worse fates out there. Dean looks thoughtful. Zachariah asks if he wants to go make another latte or if he’s ready “to be who you really are“. Fade to black.
I really like this episode. It’s a fun way to include the Ghostfacers again, and I really like the idea of taking the boys out of their usual situation and making them the clueless ones for a change. It’s also nice to have a bog standard, season 1-esque monster to go after. And while I’m not a huge fan of the big “it was all the angels!” reveal at the end, it’s still a pretty fun episode. Although I’ve just realised there wasn’t a single female character in this episode and now I’m kind of grossed out…
Mari: I liked that they didn’t tell us what was happening until the end of the episode, but they pretty much glossed over that bit (“uh, I took away your memories and stuff…!”) in favor of brining home the final Dean-is-a-hunter point. I can overlook that, though, because this was a nice little breather in the middle of all the recent SRSBSNS stuff. I mean, it also didn’t advance the plot at all but it was at least lighter than usual. Lighter in execution, at least, because let’s pause and really consider what happened here: angels made Dean torture Alistair; Dean didn’t really react to that well; Dean learned he was what started the apocalypse; Dean doesn’t want to keep fighting; the angels strip him of his memories to be all, “well, cool story, and we know that you are very emotionally traumatized and we just made it worse but IT COULD BE AN OFFICE JOB. AM I RIGHT?”
MF angels, you guys.
K: I’m sorry, I can’t not:
Next time on Supernatural: Someone’s writing books about the boys in S04 E18 – The Monster at the End of This Book.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
