Previously: Something something far into the future and Captain Jack!
—
The Sound of Drums
Kirsti: An alleyway somewhere in London. “VOTE SAXON” posters are plastered all over the walls. A blue swirly vortex appears and out pop Jack, Martha and the Doctor, courtesy of Jack’s wrist cuff. They all immediately make NYARGH-y sounds because time travel without a capsule is horrible. Jack’s impressed that they made it to the right place and the right time, but the Doctor says “That wasn’t luck. That was me.”
That throws us into a flashback of Martha and Jack struggling to keep the door closed against the Pointy Teeth Tribespeople as the Doctor sonics Jack’s cuff. Jack insists it hasn’t worked for years, but obviously the sonic screwdriver can fix basically anything, so. (M: It just fixed a future!science rocket. A watch is easy.) (K: Fair point.)
Jack points out that the Master could be anywhere in time and space, but the Doctor insists that he’s there. Or then, I guess? Maybe both. Martha mentions how his voice changed at the end, and Jack’s all “Yeah, he probably regenerated”. Martha has no idea what that means, and it gives me feels because it shows just how little the Doctor’s told her about himself. Jack gives her the basics.
Marines: Damn, I hadn’t thought about that. He’s vaguely mentioned how he is a “different man” or whatever, but he doesn’t expand. It makes you really think about what a loss it must be for the companions when he does regenerate because he doesn’t tell them that it’s coming.
K: I have this vague feeling that in Classic Who, the companions knew far more about regeneration because the Time Lords were still around?? If so, this is another way that the Doctor has tried to lock himself away from his past, and it gives me feels.
In the background, a homeless man taps a pound coin against his metal mug. A four beat rhythm, over and over again. The Doctor looks thoughtful, then says he’ll 10000% know the Master when he sees him, because Time Lords always know each other. Martha looks around at all the “VOTE FOR SAXON” posters and the passersby wearing “I VOTED FOR SAXON” t-shirts, and realised they’ve missed the election.
A conveniently located screen above the street shows the news, in which a victorious Harold Saxon and his wife leave Buckingham Palace and return to campaign headquarters. Martha realises why the Master’s voice sounded familiar when he spoke to them from the TARDIS. Because the Master is Harold Saxon. And Harold Saxon has just been elected Prime Minister.
On screen, Saxon holds a press conference. In it, he says that the country has been sick and needs medicine. Then he stares directly into the camera, and says “In fact, I’d go so far as to say that what this country really needs right now, is a Doctor.” He smiles broadly in that creepy, insincere politician way.
DOO WEE OOO!
After the credits, we’re at Downing Street. Saxon gets handed millions of seriously important folders as he walks through the building. Then he stops and makes out with his wife a little. Martha’s sister, Tish, is there because…contrivance? (M: I vaguely remember her being hired on to work for Saxon. Am I making up my memories?) (K: I think it was maybe mentioned in passing as a background thing?) Anyway, she tells Saxon that she’s new and she’s not quite sure what she’s meant to be doing. Um. GIRL. Maybe ask your direct manager rather than the Prime Minister, yeah? He tells her to just stand there and look pretty. Ick.
Saxon heads into the Cabinet room, and throws all the papers up in the air in celebration of taking over Downing Street. His Cabinet all look sour, which is pretty legit because they probably spent forever putting those files together. He tells them to crack a smile because it’s funny. One Cabinet member thinks it’s probably more important that they come up with policies seeing as they have none. And yet they got elected. Okay. (M: MAGIC.)
Saxon interrupts and says he wants to offer them his thanks. He calls them “a bunch of wet, snivelling traitors” and That One Cabinet Member is all “Haha?”. But no. Saxon clarifies that it’s not funny, and John Simm does some truly bizarre and oddly fabulous acting.
Anyway, he says they’re traitors for abandoning their parties when they saw things were swinging his way. Then he sits down and puts on a gas mask. That One Cabinet Member is all “The fuck is that?” and Saxon says it’s for the gas. Little discs pop out of the conference phones on the table and gas everyone. They all cough and splutter as the string section replicates the same four beat rhythm that the homeless man was tapping out on his cup. “You’re insane!” shouts That One Cabinet Member. Saxon gives him a thumbs up, then watches coldly as he drops dead. Then he starts drumming his fingers on the table in that same old rhythm.
Cut to Martha’s flat. Jack grabs her laptop to bring up the Saxon campaign website. Martha realises that technically it’s only four days since she met the Doctor. The Doctor looks serious as he says that they’ve been flying all over the universe while the Master was on Earth the entire time. Martha’s all “Okay, please tell me who the fuck this guy is?” and makes fun of him calling himself the Master. The Doctor insists that’s all she needs to know. This is as good a time as any to mention that Tumblr ships the shit out of the Tenth Doctor and John Simm’s Master. Watching this episode 30 seconds at a time, I kind of see where they’re coming from.
Mari: That kind of stuff always weirds me out because the Master is a sociopath and big time murderer, you know? Not in the complex way the Doctor makes decisions that ends in loss of life. We just saw this dude thumbs up a man he was gassing to death. I cannot ship this.
K: Oh, I don’t ship it. I just recognise that Tennant and Simm have some pretty incredible chemistry, which makes it easy to see WHY people ship it. There’ve always been Doctor/Master shippers. It’s just that the Ten/Simm!Master ones are more vocal than the others…
Back at Downing Street, a posh looking woman pushes past Tish, saying that she simply HAS to see Mrs Saxon immediately. She barges into the room where Mrs Saxon is sitting and introduces herself as Vivien Rook from the Sunday Mirror. She’s basically the love child of Harriet Jones and Rita Skeeter. (M: YES.) Anyway, she says all she needs is 20 minutes to do a profile of Britain’s First Lady, the power behind the throne.
Mrs Saxon – Lucy – looks chuffed and says she can spare 20 minutes. Vivien hands Tish her coat and basically shoves her out the door. Tish tries to argue, but it’s no use. Once Tish is gone, Vivien’s entire demeanour changes. She tells Lucy that she’s in danger, along with the whole planet, because Saxon isn’t who he says he is. Everything is a lie.
Cut to – of all things – Sharon Osbourne doing a promo ad for Saxon. It includes her saying “He can tick my box any day“, which makes me throw up in my mouth a little. The camera pulls back a little as McFly and Ann Widdecombe add their support to the Saxon campaign. Jack says that Saxon is a former Defence Minister who first came to prominence for shooting down the Racnoss on Christmas Eve. “Nice work, by the way,” he says to the Doctor.
Martha says Saxon goes back years and everyone knows his story. He went to Cambridge, played rugby, wrote a novel, went into business, got married, blah blah blah. Back at Downing Street, Vivien tells Lucy that it’s all lies. No one named Harold Saxon ever attended Cambridge, for starters. She says the forgery is ridiculously obvious, but no one can see it. “It’s like he’s mesmerised the entire world,” she says. Lucy suggests she should leave.
Vivien presses on, saying that Saxon’s first public appearance was 18 months ago, just after Harriet Jones’ downfall. (M: Womp.) The same time the Archangel Network was launched. Lucy begs her to stop. But Vivien continues, saying she’s got research on Lucy as well. She asks if Lucy’s ever had cause to doubt her husband. Lucy says there was a time when they first met. But she’s made her choice, for better or worse. “Isn’t that right, Harry?” she says.
The camera pulls back to show us Saxon standing in the background. “My faithful companion,” he says. Vivien looks terrified, and claims it was just a joke. Saxon chuckles a little and says she’s totally right. Harold Saxon doesn’t exist. He waves a hand and four metal balls appears around him. He asks if Vivien can hear the drumbeat, getting closer and closer. Metal spikes appear out of the sides of the metal balls. They fly closer towards Vivien, calling her “silly lady” and “dead lady“. She screams.
Saxon and Lucy rush from the room, shutting the door behind them. Saxon peeps back in, but Vivien’s still screaming. Lucy freaks, saying that Vivien knew everything and he promised Archangel was 100%. He’s all “Eeeeeh, 99%…” He hugs her and tells her that everything will end tomorrow morning.
Martha’s flat. Jack makes tea and suggests that if the Master has the TARDIS, he could have been living in England for decades. The Doctor’s all “NOPE” because he fused something in the TARDIS so it can only travel between the year one hundred trillion and the last time/place it visited. Except there’s a small amount of leeway so the earliest he could have arrived was 18 months earlier.
Martha says she was going to vote for him, even before she met the Doctor. She had no idea what his policies were or what he stood for, but he seemed nice and trustworthy. She starts tapping out the rhythm as she talks. The Doctor asks why she’s doing it, and she has no idea. Just then, her laptop pings, announcing a broadcast from Saxon.
The Doctor rushes over and switches on the TV. Saxon talks about all the alien contact Great Britain’s had in recent years, which mostly seems to be an excuse to reuse some old footage. He says he’s been contacted with a message from humanity. The screen shows one of his metal murder spheres, and it says that they come in peace and bring great gifts. All they ask for in exchange is friendship. Saxon comes back on screen and says they’ve identified themselves as the Toclofane.
The Doctor’s all “THE FUCK”. Saxon continues. Tomorrow morning, he says, they’ll appear to all of humanity. Every last one, whether they’re a lorry driver, a farmer or a medical student. The last is said rather pointedly. The Doctor looks at the back of the TV and finds it covered in sticks of explosive. He rushes Martha and Jack out of the house just before it explodes.
Martha pulls out her phone to call her family, and the Doctor’s all “SRSLY??”. She snaps “I’ll do what I like!” at him. Yaaaaas, girl. Yaaaaaaaas. She phones her mum and asks if anyone’s been asking about her. Mama Jones suggests Martha come over. The camera pulls back a little to show us that Saxon’s people are still at Mama Jones’, listening to her calls.
Mama Jones says that she and Papa Jones are getting back together so Martha should come round and celebrate. Martha’s all “That’s the fakest thing I’ve ever heard.” Mama Jones insists it’s true and hands the phone to Papa Jones. Martha refuses to believe it, and asks him if there’s anyone else there. He pauses for a really long time, and everyone looks at him expectantly. Then he yells “YES!” and tells Martha to run. He sprints for the door but is tackled by security staff. Mama Jones screams at him that they’re trying to help Martha and that they need to get her away from “him“.
Martha hangs up and says they need to help her family. The Doctor’s all “Haha, NO. Because trap.” Martha gives zero fucks. Across town, her father is bundled into a police van. A blonde woman in a snooty suit phones Saxon and says their plan is a total fail and that they’re taking all the Jones’ into custody. Mama Jones screams that she was helping them as she’s dragged to the van.
As Martha drives wildly across town with the Doctor and Jack freaking out about her driving, she phones Tish. Tish answers shortly before being dragged off by security officers. Martha yells that this is all the Doctor’s fault. She pulls up at her mum’s place just in time to see her mum being shoved into the van. Mama Jones yells at her to drive. Snooty Suit orders the police to take aim at Martha’s car. Martha speeds off, and they escape with nothing more than a smashed rear windscreen.
As they drive away, Jack says they have to ditch the car. They dump it beneath an overpass, and Martha phones her brother. She tells him not to contact any of their family members and to hide. He’s incredulous, but she swears on her life. Then Saxon cuts in on the call and smarms that he’ll find her no matter how many games of hide and seek she tries to play. Martha screams at him to let her family go.
The Doctor takes the phone from her, and he and the Master have an arch-nemesis catch up session. Apparently the Toclofane are Time Lord bogeymen. The Doctor tells the Master that Gallifrey is gone, the Time Lords are all dead, and the Daleks are mostly dead except when Steven Moffat takes over. The Master says that he was brought back as the perfect warrior for a Time War. But he freaked out, turned himself human and ran.
The Doctor brings up a little of his part in the Time War. The Master asks how it felt to watch two mighty civilisations burn. The Doctor says he’s been alone for so long, but now there’s the two of them. “Are you asking me out on a date?” the Master sasses. To be fair, it DOES feel pretty homoerotic. Especially with “SAXON IS YOUR MAN” posters in the background.
K: SORRY.
The Doctor snaps that they can fight across the universe, but not on Earth. The Master smirks that it’s too late. The Doctor’s all “WHUT”. The Master asks if he can hear the drumming. He thought it would stop, but it never does. The Doctor insists that he can help him. The Master says the drumming is everywhere. He taps his fingers as he talks. The Doctor spots a teenager nearby drumming out the same rhythm.
He asks how the Master’s done this, but the Master’s too busy sassing about the fact that the Doctor, Martha and Jack are being reported as terror suspects on the news. Then he’s all “Oh, and BTW? I’m watching you through the CCTV cameras.” The Doctor sonics the camera, and the Master says “Oooh, you public menace!” in this mock indignant voice. He tells them to start running.
Mari: It’s the saddest “run!” delivered on this show yet.
K: It really is.
The Doctor hangs up and says they have to run. They have no other choice. Back at Downing Street, the Master flicks through the TV stations, all of which are reporting on the forthcoming alien contact. He’s watching the Teletubbies.
Later that night, Martha returns to an abandoned warehouse with fish and chips and asks about her family. The Doctor says government channels say the family have been taken in for questioning, but there’s no mention of her brother. Martha’s relieved. She gives Jack a meaningful look, and he asks the Doctor for details about the Master. The Doctor says they used to be friends, and now I have the Dandy Warhols stuck in my head and I want to watch Veronica Mars.
Jack says that everything he’s heard about Gallifrey sounds perfect, and that gets the Doctor talking. He says wistfully that Gallifrey was beautiful. We’re treated to shots of Gallifrey as he talks about how the Time Lords had sworn “never to interfere, only to watch“. Then he says that at the age of eight, children of Gallifrey were taken to the Academy. One of the first things you had to do was look into “a gap in the fabric of reality through which could be seen the whole of the vortex“. We’re treated to a flashback of it, and it looks a lot like a Stargate. He ran away and never really stopped. The Master, on the other hand, went mad.
Jack’s wrist cuff beeps. He says it’s an encrypted channel with files attached. The Doctor tells him to forward it to the laptop. As it sends, Jack’s all “Oh, and BTW? I work for Torchwood.” He insists that it’s different now, that there’s only half a dozen of them. The Doctor’s grossed out because of everything Torchwood did, but Jack insists that all the old guard were wiped out at Canary Wharf, and he’s rebuilt it in the Doctor’s honour. The Doctor mostly just glares. (M: He had a lot of time to kill, bro. Stop being judgey.) (K: SERIOUSLY.)
Then he hits play on the file that’s arrived on the laptop. It’s a video from Vivien, saying that if they’ve received this she’s probably dead. But she’s attached all the files she had on Saxon, and tells them to look at the documents on the Archangel Network. Martha says everyone has Archangel. Jack informs us/the Doctor that it’s a mobile phone network and it’s gone worldwide. Every carrier in the world is either part of Archangel or uses their satellites.
The Doctor’s all “Ohhhhh, so THAT’S how he’s hypnotising the entire planet!”. He grabs Martha’s phone and sonics it. It starts beeping the same rhythm we’ve been hearing all episode. He says it’s a subtle code, infiltrating everyone’s subconscious, telling them to vote for Saxon, to trust him. It was enough to hide his presence on Earth from the Doctor. And now they know, they can fight back. He uses the sonic to weld bits of the phone and laptop to each of their TARDIS keys.
He says that both the key and the signal have a low level perception filter on them, encouraging people to ignore them. Add the two together, and people basically ignore you. The Doctor says it’s exactly like when you have a crush on someone and they don’t know you exist. He grins happily and bounces off. Martha tears up a little. “You too, huh?” Jack says.
They put their souped up keys around their necks, and walk slowly and calmly through the streets. As long as they don’t draw attention to themselves, the Doctor says, they’re like ghosts. They have to actively walk out of the way to stop people bumping into them. Meanwhile, the news reports that Air Force One has landed in London. Cut to the airport. Saxon greets the President, who tells him to stand the army down because UNIT is taking over. Apparently Saxon has been ignoring all kinds of international policies about alien contact.
Saxon chuckles that starting a new job is haaaaaard and there’s way too much paperwork to deal with. (M: He threw all the paperwork like confetti, too. Sorry guys.) Martha, Jack and the Doctor watch from nearby. The President glares a little, and tells him that any first meeting must take place on neutral ground, so he’s moving it to a UNIT aircraft carrier. Saxon asks if it will still be televised, and the President reluctantly says it’s too late to change that. Then he storms off towards his motorcade.
Saxon whispers to Lucy. “The last of the American presidents,” he says. Then he tells her they’ve got a private plane ready to take them to the aircraft carrier. She leaves with her security detail. He turns to stare in the rough direction of the Doctor, Martha and Jack. A police van arrives, and he rushes over excitedly yelling “HI GUYS!!” and bouncing up and down as Martha’s family are unloaded, hands tied in front of them.
The Doctor holds Martha back as she watches in horror and swears she’s going to kill the Master. Jack says he could use the perception filter to sneak over and break the Master’s neck, and the Doctor turns to glare at him because “THAT sounds like Torchwood.” Jack maintains it’s a good plan. The Doctor snaps that as a Time Lord, the Master is his responsibility. And he’s going to save him, not kill him. (M: He is the doctor, after all.)
They use Jack’s wrist cuff to teleport to the aircraft carrier, and all groan about how rough the trip is. Except that the ship isn’t so much an aircraft carrier as it is a SHIELD helicarrier. Now if only Steve Rogers would turn up… (M: Now there’s a ship I’d ship.) (K: #bisexualSteveRogers is everything to me, so YES.)
The Saxons arrive in…IDK, whatever room the Americans are using to be bossy. He asks the President if there’s anything he can do, like making tea. Or grits. Then he asks what grits are. This is a legit question, and one I’ve been trying to work out the answer to since my first solo trip to the US in 2004. I’m pretty sure the answer is porridge but made of cornmeal? (M: I don’t know if I’m allowed to answer you. #nationalsecrets)
ANYWAY.
Saxon and Lucy sit down at the big SRS BSNS table, and he tells her that he helped design everything about the helicarrier when he was Defence Minister. “Every detail,” he says with a smirk.
Meanwhile, Jack, Martha and the Doctor are running around below decks. They find the TARDIS, and there is much rejoicing. But when they head inside, it’s all red light and cables everywhere. The Doctor grumpy faces that the Master’s cannibalised the TARDIS. “It’s a Paradox Machine!” he says, staring up at the mess of wires overhead.
Back in command central, it’s two minutes to Toclofane time. The President orders all military personnel to clear out, and Saxon offers Lucy a bag of jelly babies in a nice throwback to the Fourth Doctor.
TARDIS. The Doctor says it’s rigged to activate at 8.02am, two minutes after first contact. Martha and Jack ask what a Paradox Machine does and if he can stop it, but NOPE. Unless you know what it does, you could blow up the universe if you touch the wrong bit. Jack asks how they’re going to stop the Master, and the Doctor’s all “Oh, didn’t I mention that I have a way of doing that?”
Mari: You never mention anything.
K: A news anchor tells us that it’s 30 seconds to first contact, and we see people all over the country watching the news. The President starts his speech with “My fellow Americans, patriots, people of the world.” Uh, hi. Seven billion people on the planet. Way to make 6.7 billion of them seem insignificant. Anyway, he wibbles on about being an ambassador of humanity as the Doctor, Jack and Martha sneak into the room.
The Doctor’s plan is basically to sneak over and put the TARDIS key around the Master’s neck. This will break his perception filter and make everyone see him for what he really is. (M: That’s a horrible plan.) Meanwhile, the Toclofane appear. The President greets them, and they’re all “Ugh, you suck. Where’s the Master?”. The President says he can be their master, but they’re all “Nah”. The Master jumps up and is all “It’s meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!”
He orders his metal murder spheres to murder the President’s face off. One of them blows him to bitty pieces. Everyone freaks. Except the Master, who laughs and claps. The Doctor takes his key off and runs forward towards the Master. Obviously, he’s stopped by security. DUDE. What the fuck was that plan? You needed to sneak up behind him wearing the key, THEN take it off and put it over his head in one movement. Come on. (M: That was a suicide dash. WTF.)
The Master sasses at him, then casually mentions that he can see Martha and Jack, despite their TARDIS keys. Okay, so the Doctor’s plan was terrible even my way. (M: Told you.) Jack runs towards the Master, who pulls out a doohickey and murders Jack’s face off. “Laser screwdriver. Who’d have sonic? And the good thing is, he’s not dead for long. I get to kill him again!” he says gleefully.
The Doctor begs him to stop. He says he can help with the drumming in the Master’s head. The Master gives zero fucks and consults the Big Book of Villain Gloating. He says he’s been laying traps for the Doctor for, like, ages. Tish’s job with Professor Lazarus wasn’t luck. He arranged it. And now he’s concentrated Lazarus’ technology into one device – his laser screwdriver. And thanks to the Doctor’s spare hand, he’s got the Doctor’s genetic code.
Lazarus, he says, used the technology to reverse the aging process. He’s going the other way. He aims his screwdriver at the Doctor and adds a hundred years to him. The Doctor screams and flails in agony. Jack comes back to life and tells Martha that she has to teleport out. There’s nothing they can do to help the Doctor. He collapses to the floor, an old man.
Martha rushes to his side, and the Master decides it’s time to sass her for a change. He has her family ushered in, hands tied. Mama Jones cries and apologises. Old Man Doctor asks who the Toclofane are. The Master smirks and says his hearts would break if he knew the truth.
The metal murder spheres ask if it’s time yet. It is. The Master addresses the population of Earth some more, telling them that it’s the end of the world. Then he lifts his laser screwdriver and yells “HERE COME THE DRUMS!“. Voodoo Child by The Rogue Traders starts playing, and I can never take anything by The Rogue Traders seriously, because Natalie Bassingthwaighte will forever be Izzy Hoyland to me. (Incidentally, Neighbours always seems pretty normal when you’re watching it. But read any synopsis on Wikipedia and you realise how insanely soap opera-y it really is.)
Outside, the sky splits open and six billion metal murder spheres pour through. The Master orders them to literally decimate the population of Earth. Martha cries and backs away from Old Man Doctor. She stares at her family and Jack helplessly, then teleports out using Jack’s wrist cuff. Jack and Old Man Doctor nod at each other. Martha lands on Hampsted Heath and watches as London burns. “I’m coming back,” she promises before running into the woods.
TO BE CONTINUED.
Okay, here’s the thing. I love John Simm’s Master. He’s creepy and mad and brilliant. I love the big reveal that we’ve been building to all season, that Harold Saxon, the man who’s been there in the background the whole time, is the Master and has basically been handed control of Great Britain. I love what this two parter does for Martha’s character, although most of that will happen in the next episode.
BUT. There’s an awful lot of stuff in this two part storyline that’s just completely and utterly whack. Starting with who cleans up the Cabinet room full of corpses? And progressing all the way through to Old Man Doctor. But we’ll talk more about that next time…
Mari: I just want to chime in and agree about John Simm. His mannerisms as the Master are disarmingly fun and funny and then you kind of forget that he’s seriously messed up.
The episode itself gets a little haphazard when it comes to the Master’s total domination in a single bound. I appreciate that he’d been laying these pieces of his grand plan all along but it unfolds so quickly and with so many weird plot holes that it left me less than impressed. All the pieces we get to hear about Gallifrey were interesting, though.
See you next time!
Next time on Doctor Who: We jump forward a year, with the Doctor still imprisoned and Martha being a bad ass in S03 E13 – Last of the Time Lords.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
