Previously: The boys went to heaven and it kinda sucked.
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99 Problems
Samantha: The previouslies show us Lisa, from season 3, who has a son named Ben. It was the episode with the creepy ass children.
Kirsti: I’m sorry, you’ll have to be more specific. There are at least 2 episodes a season with creepy children…
Samantha: This segues us into the Impala burning rubber down a highway at night. Sam’s arm is injured and they are both a little frantic. They mention how they’ve never seen that many in one place before, just as the Impala screeches to a halt in front of a flaming barricade in the road. As Dean starts to turn the car around, an arm breaks through the window and tries to grab the boys from the car. Suddenly, someone emerges from over the barricade and starts shooting holy water out of a fire hose. I just said barricade twice in a row so I interrupt myself to do this:
K: Thank you for doing that so that I didn’t have to.
Samantha: You are so welcome, this is a partnership.
And I now return you to your regularly scheduled Supernatural recap. The demons start screaming in pain as someone else does an exorcism over a bullhorn. The demons are exorcised and the boys are stunned. The Exorcism Patrol is all “okay, cool, no thanks necessary, bye” but Dean wants to now who they are. They condescendingly announce that they’re some church militia and that this is the apocalypse.
BLOOOOOOOOOOOOD.
Post bloody credits we see the trunk of the Impala being opened and the war chest inside being proudly shown. Dean looks at the Exorcism Patrol for some impressed faces but they’re mostly like, “okay, cool, I guess.” Dean declares them colleagues and asks the Church Bros to talk and share with them. It’s decided that they will come back to Church HQ.
Church HQ. There’s barbed wire fencing everywhere and men with guns. The color tones of this episode seem to be extra gray and muted. One of the Exorcism Brigade is a teen and his mom tells him to take his headphones off before going inside the church. Inside, Sam and Dean scoff at the triple wedding going on, but it actually makes sense.
The pastor comes over to talk to Sam and Dean about all the demons and then leads them to the basement of the church where a kind of war camp has been set up. Even the children are helping to pack salt rounds. The pastor goes on that the demons were killing them, so the entire town came together.
K: This whole thing feels a hell of a lot like Anna all over again, to the point where I remember actually groaning and eyerolling when this episode aired.
Samantha: Local Bar. Sam is calling Castiel but only reaches his voice mail. This happens:
K: I can’t decide whether I love Cas’ message or Sam’s “WTF” face more. They’re both comedy gold.
Samantha: Sam leaves a message saying where they are and that they could use some help. He brings beer over to Dean, and Dean hypothesizes that maybe all the demons are here to kill the prophet Leah. Sam gets annoyed that the angels are using people to do their dirty work. Dean’s kind of “meh, whatevs, they’re all gonna die anyway,” which pisses Sam off because he thought they were going to save them. This bummer of a moment is interrupted by church bells ringing because the world is turned upside down. (K: “Gotta start a new nation, gotta meet my son.”) (S: Thank you.) The bartender tells them that it means Leah has had another vision.
The pastor is announcing that a lot of demons have gathered about 5 miles down the road and asks for volunteers. The bartender and another guy from the beginning of the episode are in, as are the Winchesters, obviously. Everyone bows their heads except for the bartender, who slugs some adult beverages from a flask.
Out on the hunt, the teenage boy and his mother are also part of the crew. They all creep up on a house and try to be super stealthy, but it kind of goes to hell and they are slashing and shooting and exorcising all over the place. They successfully get all the demons and as they head out, Sam remarks that this must be what it’s like having backup. It’s not necessarily your fault boys, the writers keep murdering the characters who would be your backup.
K: ACCURATE. We got to see for like a red hot second how great it would have been to have Ellen and Jo hunting with the boys, and then that got ripped out from under us.
Samantha: As they reach the Impala the teenage boy (why has no one been given names?!) asks if he can ride back with them. Dean acquiesces and gives the boy a can of beer for saving his ass twice, along with the advice to not tell him mom. They all sip their beers when suddenly Teenager is grabbed around the ankles from under the car and killed. Uh, how did nobody check under the car? Hell, I check under my car just like, coming out of Target in the middle of the day. Sam stabs the demon but the kid, apparently named Dylan?, is already dead. Dean says, “no” is a super growly voice.
Church HQ. The funeral for I Guess His Name Was Dylan is starting. Dean apologizes to his mom (her name is maybe Jane?) and she tells him that it’s his fault. Listen lady, you could have checked under the cars too. Sam and Dean exchange well-this-sucks looks. The preacher preaches about how there aren’t any answers but Leah interrupts this by falling to the ground and seizing. When she comes to, she announces that Dylan is coming back. She explains to Jane and Rob (Rob is apparently Dylan’s father) that when Judgment Day comes, the dead will be resurrected and they will all be reunited. She goes on to say that the angels have chosen them to be given paradise on earth. The Bartender eyerolls hard at this. She tells them that they just have to follow the angel’s commandments.
K: This is about the point that I’d be like “Uh, yeah, leaving town now…” Because someone telling you that all you have to do to get to paradise is follow an angel’s commandments? Yeah, the magic Kool-aid isn’t far off.
Samantha: The boys walk out of the church, Sam listing off some of the things that fall under the angels commandments: no drinking, no gambling, no pre-marital sex. He also remarks that that’s like most of Dean’s personality but Dean is, yet again, whatever about it. He heads back inside to talk to Leah.
He find her and asks her to tell him what the angels are for real saying about the end and paradise. She tells him that it gets bad and there’s the battle between Michael and Lucifer, but afterwards the planet is given to the chosen and everything is awesomesauce. Dean remarks that it sounds nice to be chosen, but he’s cursed.
K: Dean, honey. Go see a doctor and get yourself some antidepressants. Probably see a therapist too.
Samantha: Sam heads into the bar to chat and drink with Paul the Bartender. Paul admits that he doesn’t really buy into the holier than thou stuff and half the guys in there are hypocrites. If he goes to hell, he’s going honest. Sam says that he believes but God prolly stopped caring awhile ago.
K: This stands in stark contrast to season…2?? The one where Sam’s convinced there are angels and it’s actually just the ghost of a priest. That one. The one where Sam says that he prays every day. This just kind of hurts.
Samantha: Yes. I remember that episode. Sam has definitely evolved in a mostly painful way. Which is this shows thing, I guess.
Sam comes into the motel room to find Dean half dozing in bed. He remarks that he was out drinking but had to come in because it was curfew. Oh, and also they shut down the cell towers. Cable and internet are gone too, due to their corruptive potential. Sam is clearly trying to get a reaction from Dean, who is completely apathetic to all of this news. Sam demands to know what is wrong. Dean says that he just doesn’t care because it doesn’t matter. Sam wants to know when he became okay with the angels toying with people. Dean says since “the angels have the only life boats on the Titanic.”
He continues that they can’t save anyone so they might as well not even try. Sam says, “You can’t do this,” in a tight and scared voice. I don’t say this too often, but I have a ton of Sammy feels. I don’t think Sam even realized how much he still needs his big brother’s support until this moment. JarPad does a pretty good job of selling these feels to me this episode and the next. (K: He’s not even acting with his nostrils!) Sam tearily says that he can’t do this alone and Dean huffily storms out. Teenage Samantha started having a panic attack around here.
Motel of Sadness. Sam is looking through some books when Castiel appears. He’s slurring his speech and teetering some so Sam asks him if he’s drunk. This happens:
I like the idea that angels CAN get drunk, it just takes literally an entire liquor store. Sam asks if he’s okay and Castiel leans in and says, “Don’t ask stupid questions.” Misha Collins is hilarious. Sam starts telling him about all the demons and the prophet Leah, but Castiel interrupts to say that she isn’t a prophet. Sam ignores this and insists that she is but Cas says, “The names of all the prophets, they’re seared into my brain. Leah Gideon is not one of them.” Dun dun dun. Sam asks wtf she is then.
K: NGL, Drunk!Cas is possibly my favourite Cas.
Samantha: Which is a major thing because there are a lot to choose from!
Dean is taking a moody broody stroll when he hears a ruckus coming from the bar. Rob and Jane have a posse and are demanding that Bartender Paul leave town if he won’t follow the angel rules. There is a bat involved and Papa Pastor David is trying to calm everyone down. Jane tells him that it’s not enough that he fights demons with them, he’s not a believer. Rob asks him to not make it hard for them which is kind of a dick thing to say here. Paul declares that they’ll have to drag him out. Rob lunges but Dean punches him and holds him back. While all the men are holding each other back, Jane picks up a gun and straight murders Bartender Paul because he was stopping her from seeing her son again.
K: Uh, lady? Do you honestly think that the angels are going to let you commit murder and still be one of the chosen??
Samantha: It’s morning and Dean comes into the motel. His hands are still covered in wet blood but it should probably really be dry by now? Paul was murdered just after curfew? Whatever. Dean tells Sam that Jane shot Paul, and Castiel remarks that it’s starting. Cas and Sam fill Dean in on Castiel going on a bender before getting to the fact that Leah isn’t a prophet.
K: Let’s be real here – it’s both.
Samantha: The real Leah is dead and the demons are under Fake Leah’s control. The Enochian exorcism is also fake.
K: Best stock up on booze. We’ve got seven (at least) more seasons to get through…
Samantha: Church HQ. Jane is crying toFake Leah about murdering Paul but Fake Leah tells her that it’s totes chill. As she’s being cool with murder, Pastor Papa is looking concerned. He demands to know how the angels can be okay with murder but she just blathers about faith.
Motel of Sadz. Castiel sets down a branch stake thing that can kill Fake Leah. However, only a true servant of heaven can kill her and that definitely rules out Team Free Will.
K: My favourite line from Cas ruling out the members of Team Free Will was “Sam, of course, is an abomination”.
Samantha: Church HQ. Fake Leah is telling everyone that Judgment Day is at midnight but there are still some sinners amongst them who have to be taken care of. Everyone starts to whisper and freak and Papa Preacher tries to get Fake Leah to slow her roll but she continues that she has names. Papa Preacher pulls her aside and Leah tells him to back off or she’ll have her mob murder him next.
After the Not Commercial Break Papa Preacher is taking his own moody broody stroll. Castiel wings in and halfheartedly announces himself as an angel of the lord before angel apparating them to the motel. Dean tells him to sit down and then we cut to after the guys have explained what’s going on. Papa Preacher is saying that he can’t murder his own daughter but Dean tries to convince him that it isn’t actually his kid. It has to be him because he’s a servant of heaven.
We cut to Castiel outside, nursing his hangover. Dean tosses him some asprin and tells him that he gets it, he’s an expert on dead beat dads. Ugh. John Winchester. Castiel asks him how he manages and Dean says, “On a good day you get to kill a whore.”
K: GODDAMMIT DEAN.
Samantha: Church HQ. Rob and Jane are dragging a begging and terrified woman in and putting her in a storage room, that’s already filled with sinners. Fake Leah tells her to get the kerosene and Jane does pause a horrified moment because there are kids in there. Eek. Then she moves past it cause her kid is more important than the other kids. Fake Leah heads into the office and looks in the mirror where we see her face go all creepy for a moment. Castiel shows up and grabs Leah while Papa Preacher advances with the stake. She cries out, “Daddy don’t hurt me!” and Papa Dave hesitates, which, legit.
She uses that time to chant some words at Castiel, forcing him to release her. She uses demony powers to knock Papa Preacher and the boys aside before running from the room. Castiel writhes in pain and Papa Preacher chases after her. She tells everyone that he’s a demon and two men grab him. Sam and Dean start fighting the men who had Papa Preacher. Fake Leah tells Jane and Rob to light the kerosene. Sam tackles Rob away from the door and starts grappling with him and Jane. Fake Leah has Dean on the ground by the throat and he starts grabbing for the stake.
She laughs at him thinking he’s a servant of heaven because it’s the end of the world and he’s just watching it happen. Dean gets a hold of the stake and stabs her saying, “Don’t be so sure. Whore.” (K: UGH) Everyone stops fighting to watch black smoke and fireworks come out of a dying Fake Leah. Sam looks shell shocked and Dean tells Jane that she’s probably not headed to paradise.
Dean helps Castiel as Sam helps Papa Preacher from the building. Sam wants to know how Dean managed to kill her when he’s not supposed to be a servant of heaven. Dean snarks and pleads ignorance. Sam demands to know if he’s going to do something Michael stupid and Dean mostly non-answers.
Motel of Sadz. Sam patches up Papa Preacher while Castiel rests on the bed. Dean tells Preacher that he’s going to be okay but Papa Preacher is like, “actually no” and it’s accurate and awkward. Dean heads towards the door and Sammy wants to know where he’s going. Dean claims he’s getting clean bandages out of the car but as soon as he’s out there the Impala starts up and tears out of the parking lot. Sam chases and yells after him but he keeps driving. Teen Samantha was fully in break down mode here. Something about Dean giving up walloped me right in the heart.
K: I really really hate when the writers get all “You know what would add tension? If we SPLIT THE BOYS UP!” It always ends in stupid.
Samantha: I hate it the most too.
Dean’s moody broody driving in the Impala when he gets a thoughtful look on his face. The next shot is him knocking on a door. Lisa answers and looks shocked to see him. He small talks a bit before Lisa calls him on it. He tells her that he knows how being a hunter ends for him (dead) but “when I picture myself happy, it’s with you. And the kid.” She smiles and says that she wants that too.
K: Ow, my feels.
Samantha: He says that he can’t though and tells her to take care of herself, turning to go. She’s like, “Uh, wtf? You can’t just say shit like that and leave?” He tells her that he’s sorry but everything is about to get really bad. She shouldn’t worry though because he’s going to make arrangements for her and Ben, so whatever happens they will be okay. She’s like, “Seriously dude, wtf?” She tries to convince him to not do whatever he’s going to do, to come inside for even an hour. To say goodbye to Ben. He tells her that he can’t, kisses her temple, and drives off. Oooof.
Dean’s journey here feels very authentic to me. They definitely build up to it throughout the season. This episode is heavy and rough but it’s the perfect set up to the 100th episode. So. Yay.
K: Drunk!Cas and Voicemail!Cas were definitely the highlights here. The lowlights included how many rounds of Goodbye Mister Liver we had to play. Dammit, writers. That was too many misogyny shots for a single episode. STOP.
S:
Next time on Supernatural: It’s the 100th episode and Dean’s gone AWOL. Find out what happens in S05 E18 – Point of No Return.
I'm a 28 year old graduated English major and almost librarian. I can often be found singing too loudly (poorly) in the car or spending some time (hours) on Tumblr. I am a lover of Harry Potter, the Spice Girls, and too many other things.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
