Supergirl S01 E14 – Chained to this show.

Previously: Alien cupcakes that invade your mind.
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Truth, Justice and the American Way

Marines: Wow, we are really dragging our heels here. Why do we have such crappy luck with superhero shows?

Catherine: It may not be us. It may, in fact, be the networks. 

Mari: That makes me feel better.

We start at the Super Pad. Kara and Alex are hanging out, but Kara just wants to go to bed. (S: CBS did not get permission to use my life. Rude.) She has to face Cat in the morning, after having dumped her son and missed work a ton. Plus, Kara says that she misses that aunt that was trying to murder her face off, Astra. If only Hank hadn’t murdered her! Alex looks super guilty and starts her confession when the window bangs open. (S: This episode is filled with cliches like this and it was hard to stomach.) Kara’s all, “LOL. Wind.” But no, it’s Non whose version of hello is “it would be so easy to kill you.” Alex picks up her totally useless gun (seriously, girl. Are you paying attention?). Non says he’s here for Astra not himself. Kara agrees to go with him.

We cut to a sky funeral. Non explains that Astra would’ve wanted Kara there and it is their custom for a surviving female to lead the rights. Non asks if Kara remembers the prayer of the dead. Kara (dressed as Supergirl. I would usually refer to her as Supergirl when she’s in costume, but this is really Kara right now, attending her aunt’s funeral) wipes her hand over the casket-pod and it lights up. We see Astra’s face in the pod. Kara, through many sniffles and tears, says the prayer: You have been the sun of our lives. Our prayers will be the sun that lights your way on the journey home. We will remember you in every dawn and await the night we join you in the sky. Rao’s will be done.

         I know I’m a sap, but I found that a touching sentiment.

Samantha: I did too. I actually kind of liked Astra. OR at least found her semi-interesting, and family feels always get me. 

Catherine: I have seen a few different versions of Kryptonian funerals before and this one was well done. I liked it, too. 

Marines: Non sends the casket-pod on its way into the sky. He tells Kara that he’ll observe the period of mourning, and then the next casket will hers. Rude. (C: Funeral over. Our blood feud can officially start again. Byyyyeeee!) 

We cut to the DEO, where Supergirl fills them in on Non’s post-mourning-period threat. Hank asks if they can really believe Non about the mourning period, and Supergirl says, “STFU. MURDERER.” Basically. Another DEO agent walks up and says that Maxwell Cullen Lord wants to speak to Supergirl. She huffs away.

Alex tells Hank that she can’t put up with Supergirl directing all of her anger towards Hank. It isn’t right. Hank says it might not be, but it’s what they need to do. If Alex comes clean, then Kara will hate her and have no one to lean on.

Maxwell’s toilet-less cell. Supergirl thanks him for his help with the alien cupcakes, and he’s basically like, “yeaaaaah, gonna need more than a thank you.” He was hoping for early parole. Supergirl says that she was under the impression he asked for and received Netflix. (S: Okay, I know, but where does he watch it?) (C: That was their lame attempt at explaining WTF he’s been doing in a glass cube this whole time while not ruining the aesthetics of the cube.) That’s the extent of her gratitude because she isn’t going to let him go so he can reveal her identity to everyone. Maxwell insists he’s just trying to protect the planet, but Supergirl doesn’t by buy it. He gets pissed and Supergirl yells that the world is safer with Maxwell in a toilet-less cell.

Cat Co. Winn is waiting for Kara and tries to warn her about something but Kara isn’t really listening. Lo and behold, Cat has hired a second assistant named Siobhan Smyth and ha ha ha, Cat calls Kara “kee-ra” but says Siobhan correctly. Kara has been bumped down to “assistant two” and isn’t this all so funny! Isn’t it so understandable that Kara would deal with this instead of peacing out because she’s MF Supergirl! Don’t we all think so much of Cat for doing this instead of using her words! I’m having so much fun.

Samantha: Yeah, I love Cat usually, but this is awful.

Catherine: Yay! We get to watch this manufactured female workplace rivalry on a show that’s pretending to be feminist! I’m so excited!

Mari: Winn checks in on Kara. She pretends she’s not angry, but she breaks her phone so she’s not fooling anyone.

    Kara uses her super-hearing to listen in on the conversation happening in Cat’s office between Cat, Siobhan, Jimmy and Lucy. They are talking about eavesdropping, so Kara freaks out. Turns out it’s just a glitch in some of Maxwell Cullen Technology’s new phones. Usually Maxwell would be front and center doing damage control, but he sent a PR person instead. Cat somehow jumps from there to “he must be missing.” Okay. SURE. Let’s go with it because I’m less than 10 minutes into this episode and I’ve over it. (S: Yay you get a two episode recapper break!)

Catherine: Also, the complaint is that it’s letting your last phone call eavesdrop on your next one. Lol. Who discovered that? Who is still calling people on the phone? 

Mari: Telemarketers?

Jimmy calls Cat on leaping to conclusions, but Cat says there are only 3 possibilities: Maxwell is having an affair with Jennifer Lawrence again (ha ha ha! Look how hip to the kids CBS is!), (S: Along with the cliches they also do this a fuck ton this episode.) he’s developing life changing technology (so… like… working?), or he’s been kidnapped. Cat sends Siobhan away, tells Lucy to use her connections at the Pentagon to find stuff out (is this really her job??) (C: Yeah, dude. She’s a magazine lawyer. Obvs.)  and tells Jimmy to get investigating (seriously, is that HIS job?). (S: I forgot Lucy even worked here so *shrug*.) (C: JIMMY STOP STANDING AROUND AND GO TAKE PICTURES OF CRIME.)

Outside, Jimmy stops at Kara’s desk and asks to speak with her. Siobhan jumps in since Cat told her to deal with all the department heads. Jimmy is like “yeaaaaah, maybe next time.” Kara and Jimmy slip into an empty room. Jimmy asks WTF he’s supposed to do when he knows exactly where Maxwell is. Kara tells him to lie, but Jimmy says this goes way beyond lying. They are holding him against his will and without a trial. Kara basically says not to worry about it and MYOB. Jimmy is less worried about the ethics of of the DEO and more worried about *pointed look*

Siobhan sees them arguing.

DEO. We are introduced to the Alien of the Week who feeds on rotting flesh. Then we cut to a warehouse. Alex leads some field agents inside. AotW calls out for help because in a stunning turn of events, someone has him chained up. Out of the shadows comes something in an armored suit, shooting blue energy pulses that are making quick work of the agents. Alex shoots and shoots, but her guns are useless 95% of the time. Armored Suit grabs AotW and flies off.

Samantha: The DEO should really develop some generally stronger bullets. 

Marines: Hank asks Alex if everything is okay. Alex fills him in on the stunning turn of events.

After a cut to black, Hank and Alex are reviewing photos of Armored Suit, wondering why he would kidnap AotW. Supergirl enters with the stupid line, “maybe he had some beef he needed to settle.” CBS is really up on the lingo of the millennials. Supergirl gives Alex a pointed look and asks Hank why they didn’t call her. Hank thought it would be a good idea to give her a day off. Supergirl sasses that she’ll fill out of a form with HR if she needs time off. Hank just nods, patiently taking Supergirl’s anger about that one time someone killed an evil villain to protect their life. They keep talking about the nothing they know about Armored Suit and somehow, Hank decides this guy is probably an intergalactic bounty hunter. Okay.

Samantha: It’s weird because normally I think that Melissa Benoist shines at FEELS acting but…. not this episode. At all. Please stop. 

Catherine: I think they were trying to show that Kara was upset about Astra and didn’t want to forget about her in one episode but having her be angry at Hank about this was the wrong way to do it. It just makes us all annoyed at Kara. And her sling-shotting back and forth between hating and loving Hank this season is ENDLESS. 

Mari: And they made Hank a very sympathetic character so it sucks to see him having to deal with this endless cycle.

We cut to Armored Suit reading off AotW’s crimes, telling him that hiding in human skin won’t save him. AotW says that Krypton doesn’t have a death penalty. Armored Suit says they aren’t on Krypton. And then AotW is killed with some kind of sci-fi guillotine.

Catherine: So high tech. Guillotine. 

Mari: Hank and Alex visit the NCPD, posing was FBI agents, to see if they know anything about recent missing persons. They meet with two cops and one of them is a dick about helping them out. Alex is like, “you know all about getting help though right? Because Supergirl.” This is apparently a sick burn and Dick Cop leaves the room. Nice Cop apologizes for Dick Cop and provides the information needed: Armored Suit has kidnapped 5 people, but also he chops their heads off.

Cat Co. Siobhan is watching Kara as she works and decides to mean girl because girls, am I right? (S: I mean, CBS thinks that shows can be #toofemale so. They suck.) Siobhan sends Kara a message asking what the deal is between her and James. Kara decides to answer out loud that they are just friends. Siobhan keeps pressing to the point where Kara stands up and starts yelling. This is dumb, but also Kara. Come on.

    Catherine: ALL of this is very dumb. I feel like I’m losing IQ points watching this episode. 

Mari: Of course, Cat happens by while Kara is yelling and tells her to use her inside voice, more like Siobhan, who hasn’t made a peep. Siobhan laughs to herself. As soon as Kara sits down again, Alex calls to say that they need her at the DEO ASAP. Kara sighs and then heads off, telling Siobhan that Cat will need lunch. Siobhan smugly says that she’s got it covered since one of them needs to do her job. (S: Siobhan sucks but also yeah, there is the matter of Kara constantly running off from her job.) (C: Honestly, it’s sorta hard for me to blame Cat for getting another assistant. I would’ve fired Kara too.) 

Lucy brings some pictures over to Jimmy. It’s the license plate of one of the “FBI” cars seen at Lord Tech recently, except Lucy looked into it. They don’t belong to the FBI, but a secret government agency that tracks aliens. Jimmy says that he doesn’t think they should pursue this. Lucy doesn’t understand why not. Siobhan is standing right outside his office, eavesdropping while making copies. Jimmy notices and shuts his door. Jimmy repeats that he doesn’t think they should be messing with the DEO, but he messed up, because Lucy never say their name. She quickly figures that Supergirl was the one who told him about it and her Super jealousy rears up. (S: Are these two still dating?!?!?!)

Catherine: So… Siobhan is just sorta sneaking around listening to conversations at this point? There were like, 5 scenes of her sneakily eavesdropping on people in this episode. She’s not really doing her job either. 

Mari: Cat sucks at hiring.

DEO. Alex and Hank are studying the pictures of Armored Suit’s other victims and quickly figure out that Armored Suit is taking them out in prisoner number order. Prisoner 2445 is next.

We cut to said prisoner in his human skin, all dressed up like a normal business man. Armored Suit calls him by his prisoner name and Business Alien freaks out and tries to run. He doesn’t get far. Supergirl arrives with another lame line: I thought masks where only big in that other city. Like, guys. If you can’t say the name of the city because of copyright or whatever, edit out the joke. (S: Is it supposed to be Gotham?) (C: I think it was supposed to be Gotham.)

After a cut to black, we join the fight between Supergirl and Armored Suit. It’s kind of cool because Armored Suit has these chains he can shoot out from his suit and also kind of stupid because it feels like it’s happening in slow motion. Supergirl could use her speed, heat vision or freeze breath to her advantage here, but all she does is keep trying to fly away. At one put, she flies up and Armored Suit manages to chain her foot. And she just stays there and looks down like, “aw man! I have a chain on my ankle!” So, of course, he’s soon got chains on her other ankle and both wrists. Supergirl uses her heat vision to free herself, but by that time, Armored Suit is gone. IDK where he went or what Supergirl was chained to if Armored Suit was running away, but okay. (S: Ugh.) (C: She’s chained to this show.) (M: I feel her, then.)

Cat Co. Jimmy is outside on the balcony, brooding. Cat comes out to join him and tells him to keep brooding on. She asks what’s up, and Jimmy says it’s a mix of work and personal stuff. Cat says in their line of work, they aren’t truly doing their jobs well if it doesn’t get a little personal. She’s even got a nifty story to go with this boss/employee bonding time! Back in ye olde days of Cat working at The Daily Planet, she finally got a chance to write an article about a handsome actor. Everyone she interviewed said how wonderful said actor was, except for his wife’s make-up artist. She told Cat all about the bruises she had to cover up on the wife every morning. Jimmy assumes that Cat did the right thing and reported the story, but Cat says she didn’t. She caved and wrote a puff piece. Three months later, the actor shot his wife in the head. This story gets to Jimmy, and he asks if Cat thinks writing the story would’ve saved the woman’s life. Cat says she thinks about that everyday. She says that journalists are driven to tell the truth not only to be good journalists, but good people. Cat leaves and when Jimmy looks back, he sees Siobhan is looking at him like a creep.

Catherine: This scene (and really, Jimmy’s story line) were the only parts that I felt like held any emotional weight and were written well in this episode. 

Mari: DEO. They are still spinning their wheels about Armored Suit. Supergirl says that Business Alien looked harmless enough. Hank pulls up his alien profile and sees that he was a drug smuggler right up until Kara’s mother put him away. Supergirl snaps that this isn’t the week for Hank to mention her family. GIRL. GET. IT. TOGETHER. (S: This was SO TEENAGER DRAMATIC. He barely mentioned your family Kara. He stated a fact about the bad guy.)

An agent approaches and says someone wants to talk to Supergirl. She thinks it’s Maxwell again, but actually it’s Jimmy. We cut to them talking. Jimmy says things are dire when he’s getting speeches from Cat Grant about ethics and morality. Supergirl isn’t hearing any of this because she thinks it’s totally cool that the most dangerous man on the planet is now in a toilet-less cell. Jimmy says Supergirl is helping the DEO run a Guantanamo that isn’t only for aliens now. And this is why Maxwell Cullen is terrified of her. She has so much power that she can be held unaccountable for her actions. This isn’t the kind of superhero Jimmy thought she was. She’s supposed to stand for truth and justice (and the American way!). Supergirl huffs that she’s the kind of superhero that does what needs to be done. Jimmy says he doesn’t recognize Kara. That S on her chest means something to a lot of people. Supergirl is all teary, but feels chat is interrupted by Alex. (S: This is vaguely what both BvS and Civil War are about and I don’t have any other insights beyond they did not do either topic justice.)

Supergirl leaves without another word to Jimmy. Alex says they got a DNA match on a weapon left by Armored Suit and it matches Dick Cop. Supergirl gets excited.

We cut to Dick Cop and Nice Cop driving along, chatting about all the dead aliens and such. Supergirl lands in front of their car and they both get out. Alex is there to to make an arrest. Dick Cop has no idea what’s happening. He says he’s one of the good guys. Nice Cop is like, “he’s right!” and then shoots Dick Cop and Alex. Oooh, look at that misdirection! Supergirl runs over to Alex and realizes that Nice Cop is actually Armored Suit.

Another cut to black brings us back to this scene. Alex comes to, but she’s alone. Somehow, Armored Suit captured Supergirl.

Supergirl comes to in a cage. She under a red light. She tries to super punch her cage or blast something with her heat vision, but she’s got no power. Business Alien is in the cell near hers. He explains that the red light mimics Krypton’s red sun, meaning her powers are zapped. Since they’ve got some time on their hands, Business alien shares his sappy story: one of his wives got sick and the medical bills were too high. Obamacare didn’t help either. Wait, what? No, he pulled a Breaking Bad and decided to smuggle some drugs, but he got caught on his first run. Alura sentenced him to 18 years at Fort Rozz. Supergirl asks if this means Business Alien hates her mom too. Business Alien says he used to, but then he realized that one tragedy doesn’t erase another tragedy. When he crash landed on Earth, he decided just to be a good kind of person. A professor. WHOOPS. I’ve made all kinds of wrong assumptions here. I’m not sure if that means this episode is on point with the misdirection or if I’m not paying enough attention.

Catherine: Neither. They just have no idea what they’re writing anymore. 

      Mari: Supergirl says she’s going to get them out of there. Armored Suit (who, I should mention is actually called Master Jailer) walks in to dramatically say that justice has finally come for Prof. Business Alien. Supergirl asks why he doesn’t lose the mask and then he does take off his mask. I’m not sure why that happened.

Catherine: Fun fact about Master Jailer: I have no fun facts. Even I am not nerd enough to have heard of this character before. He’s a minor DC character who was in a handful of comics both pre- and post-crisis. Don’t bother looking it up; he was also a totally different character in the comics and not even Kryptonian. This is him from the comics: 

I guess in the back half of the season the copyright money is running down and they can’t afford to get any good villains or say ‘Gotham’ anymore. 

Mari: DEO. Alex is freaking out. Hank takes a moment to reassure her that when he promised Jeremiah Danvers (he says it that way, first and last name) to look after his daughters, he wasn’t wasn’t talking about Alex. (S: It took me too long to realize this was Dean Cain.) She is reassured, but they still don’t have a match for Armored Suit in their Fort Rozz prison files. It dawns on Alex that Armored Suit might have been a guard and lo and behold, he was. Just then another DEO agent (the same one. It’s the same lady whose been talking this whole episode. IDK who she is…) says they’ve descrambled Nice Cop’s GPS and he’s been spending a lot of time at a cabin. Alex takes off. Hank doesn’t follow, even though it would be nice to have some superpowers at this fight. But okay.

Prison Cabin. Armored Suit gives a really long speech about how he’s carrying on Alura’s work with absolute justice, all in a really serious deep voice.

The DEO rolls up to Prison Cabin. We cut between shots of the agents busting into the cabin, which turns out to be empty, and Armored Suit sentencing Prof. Business Alien to die. Supergirl begs for his life, he begs for Supergirl’s life, and Armored Suit is like, “nope. You both gon’ die.”

Alex frustratedly tells Hank that there is absolutely nothing in the cabin, expect one second later she looks down and sees a pulsing red light and we hear the hum of lots of electronics. Apparently, when they cleared the cabin  and decided it was completely empty, none of the super trained agents thought to look down. Alex asks for a crowbar and they quickly find that there’s a whole alien ship underneath this cabin. (S: There’s nothing here! Except for this really obvious thing that is here!)

Prof. Business Alien is in place to die, but the DEO busts their way into the ship. Everyone fights and of course everyone is quickly knocked out, except for Alex. She fights with Armored Suit, who wrestles her over to the sci-fi guillotine. Alex pulls out her gun for the one time per episode it’s allowed to be useful. She uses it to blow some holes i… the floor of the cabin? Like three bullet holes worth of sunlight makes it’s way down into the space ship and apparently that cancels out the red light directly above Supergirl? I’m sorry. I again can’t tell if I’m not understanding what just happened or if it’s incredibly stupid. Whatever. Supergirl has her powers back and we’ve reached the point in the episode where she can easily defeat the alien that bested her before. Yay! That’s over.

Back at the DEO, Supergirl has learned her episode long ethics lesson. She lets Maxwell Cullen go. He’s surprised, but relieved. He asks what’s to stop him from exposing Supergirl and the DEO. Supergirl says she has hope that Maxwell will do the right thing and leaves. Alex stays behind to threaten him. If he exposes them, the DEO will expose all his crimes. Mutually assured destruction.

Supergirl brings Prof. Business Alien back to somewhere and tells him she’s letting him go because he’s served his time.

Cat Co, the next day. Siobhan shows up to be awful because apparently she’s here to be the next Cat Grant and eventually sell luxury towels. IDK. I’m really distracted because Kara’s fake glasses aren’t resting on her ears? The leg is like in her hair at her temple. Wardrobe fail.

Catherine: That distracted the hell out of me, too! Did no one between wardrobe and filming not understand how glasses work? 

Mari: Kara goes to see Jimmy and thank him for the push in the right direction. They agree that they make each other better, but something is still bothering him. Lucy caught Jimmy lying and he’s realized that to make things work with Lucy, he needs Kara’s permission to tell her the truth about Supergirl. Kara hangs her head because that is a hell of a big ask, Jimmy Olsen. Damn. Kara should not have to care this much about your relationship. Jimmy gets up and leaves when Kara doesn’t reply. (S: Yeah, hella not cool. He better not get mad at her for needing to think about it.)

DEO. Mom-o-gram. Supergirl tells the hologram that today she helped a man who Alura also helped in some way. It made her feel close to Alura again. Mom-o-gram just starers at her blankly. Supergirl moves on and asks Alura about something Non mentioned: Myriad. The hologram gets real serious and an alarm blares. She says this AI isn’t authorized to talk about Myriad. Supergirl asks what it even is and things start trembling as the hologram says that continued questions about Myriad will result in a self-destruct. (C: Who the fuck programmed a self-destruct button into a hologram?)  Hank turns off the hologram and wonders what could be so bad that not even a hologram will talk about it. Supergirl glares at him. The Mom-o-gram used to remind her of Alura, but now she can only think about how Hank killed Astra. Supergirl doesn’t know how she can ever work alongside Hank ever again.

Catherine: Okay then don’t. Stop whining. None of us are watching this to see you whine. 

Mari: Last recap we were pretty sure Alex would come clean this episode. She didn’t, but I kind wish she had.

Samantha: Same. Bets on next episode?

Mari: Just the entire sum of “god, I hope so.”

 

Next time on Supergirl: An Internet villain and Kara goes to the Fortress of Solitude in S01 E15 – Solitude.