Previously: Jamie and Brienne reunited at Riverrun, Dany returns to rescue Meereen, the Hound starts his vengeance tour, and a Nameless Cunt gets her ass face handed to her.
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Battle of the Bastards
Democracy Diva: Ladies and gentlemen, you could’ve been anywhere in the world tonight, but you’re here with us in Winterfell. Are you ready for a BastardBowl?
Catherine: Get hype! We’re probably gonna be in tears before this is over.
Diva: We’re probably gonna be in tears before this starts.
The previouslies remind us that the battle for Winterfell is imminent, Shireen Baratheon loved the toy stag that Davos gave her (see – I’m already crying!), the Greyjoys are en route to Meereen, and the slavers are trying to blow up Dany’s pyramid just as she deboards her dragon.
After the credits, we’re on a boat (not Gendry’s, sadly) (C: The search continues) preparing to lob some giant balls of flaming crap at somebody. The zoomy cameraman follows along with the burning cannonball, soaring through the air and finally landing and tearing motherfuckers apart in Meereen.
The corpse count for this episode is already at “several” and we’re like 15 seconds in. This should be one for the ages. Anyway, Dany just watches the chaos from the top of her pyramid.
Somewhere inside, Tyrion tries to pretend like everything is totally under control, even as the walls around them shake from the impact of the cannons. He faux-calmly tells Dany that the city is doing fine, the people love her, everything is good except for the people trying to murder us right now! Dany’s not buying it, and she wants to immediately crucify the masters, burn their ships, kill their soldiers, and raze their cities. Easy-peasy. Discomfited, Tyrion reminds her of her father, the Mad King Aerys, and tells her a probably-super-relevant-to-the-finale story (note: I’m writing this before watching the finale) about Aerys’s madness. When the Lannister army was at his gates, Mad King Aerys had wildfire hidden beneath the castle, the Sept, all over Kings Landing. And Aerys was going to burn every man, woman, and child – loyal or not – rather than lose his city to the Lannisters. That’s why Jamie had to kill him, Tyrion explains.
Catherine: I found it very interesting that Dany apparently never knew this story. It’s something that it seems is an open secret and even a mythic story in Westeros and yeah, Dany didn’t grow up there but this is her dad we’re talking about. I’m not even saying it’s a plot hole, just interesting. Maybe she was told something different about his death?
Diva: The only Westerosi person in her life as a kid was her crazy brother Viserys, who I can’t imagine gave her the unbiased version of their father’s death. At least in the books, she knows they called him “the Mad King,” but thought that that was a lie that the usurper came up with to justify stealing the throne.
Anywho, Dany refuses to see the similarities between her idea and her father’s. Tyrion thinks there might be a less violent option. Just then, something explodes through their window, and I demand to know who the fuck is leaving the queen unguarded in a pyramid under attack. Don’t tell me they couldn’t spare a couple of Unsullied or a few bloodriders for a little security detail for the goddamn Mother of Dragons.
Outside the pyramids, Dany’s crew meets with the slavers. Master #1 reminds her that she could have gone to Westeros in a fleet of ships, but now she’s just a beggar queen with no options. Tyrion reminds him that they’re here to talk about surrender, not throw shade. The masters give their terms: Dany will GTFO of Meereen, and return the Unsullied that she stole from their fellow master. (Remember years ago, when she was going to give that dude a dragon in exchange for the Unsullied army, and then was like, joke’s on you, because dragons aren’t slaves? Oh, and thanks for this whip that imma drop in the dust like a mic?
Figured that one might bite her in the ass eventually.)
Catherine: Whoops.
Diva: The masters are going to sell her Unsullied and Missandei, the translator she also stole from that master, to the highest bidder. And her dragons will be killed, natch.
Dany calmly explains that there’s been a slight miscommunication. They’re here to talk about the masters’ surrender, not hers. The masters scoff as we see something flying and smoking off in the distance, and it ain’t no cannonball. Dany tells them that her reign has just begun, as we hear telltale screeches. Drogon appears and makes the masters poop themselves with fear. He lands on top of the pyramid – he’s the SIZE of the pyramid – and then leaps down to Dany.
Catherine: I mean, Dany impresses people with the dragons a lot and it can get a bit old six seasons in but you have to admit THEY ARE VERY FUCKING IMPRESSIVE.
Diva: Two very enthusiastic thumbs up for the CGI budget.
Dany looks down at the pyramids below, and sees her other two dragons burning their way out of their dungeon. They take to the skies as well. Down in the fighting pits below, the Sons of the Harpy are slaughtering people by the hundreds. Suddenly the Harpies hear a stampede of hoofs and screaming. And we see Dany’s new khalasar speed toward them. At a full gallop, Daario slices the head right off a Harpy, like a badass. Dany and her dragons fly over the masters’ ships. She tells Drogon “dracarys,” and he dracaryses the fuck outta that ship, as men burn and go flying off the ship and drown. Drogon’s siblings join him, but they aren’t burning the entire fleet – they’re focused on a couple of ships.
Back at the base of the pyramid, Grey Worm informs the masters’ guards that they have two options. Die for masters who would never do the same for them, or go the fuck home. These soldiers drop their weapons and run like the wind. Smart boys. Tyrion thanks the masters for their ships – so it seems Dany just burned one and kept the rest for sailing-to-Westeros purposes. A hell of a lot smarter than doing her original “burn them all” plan. It’s a damn good thing she’s got Tyrion around.
Catherine: This is a much better strategy for sure. Her army is now way too big to hop on the backs of those dragons together and fly over a rainbow.
Diva: Tyrion requires one of the masters be killed as punishment for violating their peace treaty. Two of the masters give up the third, because he’s a lowborn outsider. Probably not a brilliant defense to make in front of Grey Worm and Missandei, freed slaves in foreign cities. Grey Worm slowly approaches, and with one swipe of his knife, cuts the throats of BOTH masters. #fuckyeahgreyworm (C: We can’t overstate how fucking badass this was. Yes, Grey Worm! Yes!) He lets the lowborn outsider live. Tyrion tells lucky master #3 to spread the word. “Remind them what happened when Daenerys Stormborn and her dragons came to Meereen.” Tyrion, Grey Worm, and Missandei strut away like bosses. Because they are bosses.
The North. As men on horseback bearing Bolton banners approach, Jon tells Sansa that she doesn’t have to be here, but she insists she does. Lyanna “Princess Bearboss” Mormont is on her horse behind them, and even in the blurry background she’s giving me life. (C: LIIIFEEEE) Ramsay arrives and grins at his wife, thanking Jon for returning her safely. Just the words “Lady Bolton” are enough to get my blood boiling. I’ll calm myself down by focusing on the epic album cover that is Sansa, Davos, Jon, Tormund, and Bearboss on horseback, all glaring at Ramsay:
Ramsay orders them to kneel, surrender, proclaim him warden of the douchebags, or whatever. He even pretends like he’s going to pardon all of them if they do so, but none of our heroes are dumb enough to believe that. Especially not lil’ Lyanna. Does this look the face of someone to be fucked with?
Catherine: It looks like the face of someone whose gonna have to slap a bitch.
Diva: Ramsay tells them there’s no need to have so many men die. He’ll be merciful. Jon agrees, offering to substitute their needless battle for one-on-one combat.
Unfortunately for us, Ramsay is not as stupid as we’d like. He knows his odds are infinitely better with his army than without it. Ramsay’s got 6,000 men, and Jon has less than half of that. But Jon wonders if Ramsay’s men will still want to fight for him when Ramsay just refused to fight for them. Ramsay reminds Jon that Rickon will die if they don’t surrender. For the first time, Sansa speaks, wanting to know how they could know if that’s true. Ramsay gives her a classic “how dare you speak, woman” glare, and she glares right back. He has one of his men throw down Shaggydog’s head as evidence. Jon looks heartbroken, and Sansa looks furious. She interrupts Ramsay to throw some truth bombs.
Diva: I think I can actually hear a bra burning in the background.
Ramsay tells Jon he’s looking forward to have Sansa back in his bed, and Jon and his men in his dogs’ bellies. He’s starved them for a week just for the occasion. Heartwarming stuff, really.
Catherine: Is he ever not an asshole about anything?
Diva: Preach.
Back at the camp formerly known as Stannis’s Camp, the war council continues. Jon knows that Ramsay’s wisest plan would be to stay safe inside Winterfell and make the battle come to them. But that’s not Ramsay’s style – he can’t afford to look weak, since inciting fear is basically his only skill. His resume skills are 1) flaying, 2) being a sadist and 3) inciting fear because of the aforementioned flaying and sadist-being.
Jon thinks they’ve got a shot at turning Ramsay’s men, who are only fighting for him because they have to (C: Also, again: flaying.) Tormund is more concerned about their horses. He remembers the way Stannis and Davos and their mounted knights cut through the ragtag wildling army. Davos says the most important thing is that they have to let the other side charge at them first.
Tormund wonders if Jon really thought Ramsay would fight him hand-to-hand. Jon didn’t, but he wanted to piss off Ramsay and anger him into charging first. The men decide it’s time for sleep, and they leave, but Jon and Sansa remain. Sansa basically tells him to stop being a fucking idiot. He’s known Ramsay for a hot minute, and he has no idea how Ramsay thinks or reacts. Only Sansa knows that, and she knows Ramsay won’t fall into Jon’s trap. Jon gets pissed, thinking this is some slight on his battle experience, and says he’s fought much worse than Ramsay. Sansa doesn’t give a shit about that – she just repeats the truth, which is that Jon doesn’t know Ramsay.
Jon gives in and asks what they can do to get Rickon back. Sansa gives him another truth bomb – nothing. Rickon, trueborn and last known surviving son of Ned Stark, is more of a threat to Ramsay’s claim to Winterfell than Sansa OR Jon, and Ramsay will never let Rickon get away alive. Jon refuses to allow even a conversation about giving up on Rickon, but Sansa knows that focusing on Rickon is just playing right into Ramsay’s hand. She might not know battle tactics, but she knows Jon has to NOT do what Ramsay wants him to do. Jon basically gives her a “DUHHH” in response. She adds that if he had asked for her wisdom a little sooner, she would have told him not to attack Winterfell until they had more men. The conversation gets more heated as Jon demands to know where the hell they’re supposed to get these men. They both know it’s not enough, but Jon reiterates that it’s what they have
Before she exits, Sansa reminds her brother that if Ramsay wins, she will not go back to him alive. Because Jon Snow knows nothing, he says he can protect her:
Diva: +1 to all of that. Sansa feels forever.
Tormund and Davos take a late-night stroll in the snow and debate their odds. Tormund is hopeful, and he asks if Davos is fighting this battle to get revenge for Stannis. Davos explains that the Boltons didn’t defeat Stannis – Stannis did that all by himself. (I don’t understand how Davos knows that part of the story, but doesn’t know Shireen is dead.) Davos loved Stannis, but Stannis had issues.
Jon heads into Melisandre’s tent, wanting to know where she’s been lately. She gives him some helpful advice: “don’t lose.” Jon gets serious and orders her not to bring him back again if he dies. Melisandre says, I have to try, and I don’t take orders from you. Melisandre only does what the Lord of Light commands. And I guess we’re past the point where she’s pretending she knows anything, because she looks sad and terrified as she talks about trying to understand (and often misinterpreting) what R’hllor tells her. “I have no power – only what he gives me, and he gave me you.” Jon doesn’t know why, and neither does Melisandre. But regardless, if he dies again, she has to try to bring him back if that’s what R’hllor wants. Jon doesn’t understand what kind of god would act like that. “The one we’ve got,” Melisandre tells him, in an echo of his defense of going to battle with too few men.
Catherine: Melisandre has also grown as a character but she did too much awful shit before she changed for us to be able to ever fully forgive her. Exhibit A, the following:
Diva: It’s nearly dawn, and Davos is still walking. He comes across a pile of wood, covered in snow. No, not a pile of wood – a stake. He kicks some burned pieces aside, and somehow sees the little stag toy he gave to Shireen, half-buried by snow and hidden by wood. I guess it was made of Valyrian steel, since it somehow survived this fire. We see Davos’s face as he realize what this means, and the sun rises behind him as the battle horns and drums begin. Here, have some tumblr-induced gut-wrenching feels:
Tyrion casually reminds Theon that he murdered the Stark boys, but Theon explains the truth. He did other bad shit, but not that. “And he paid for it,” Yara adds, coming to her brother’s defense. But Tyrion doesn’t see that. He doesn’t see Reek – he sees Theon, still alive in spite of it all. Dany cuts in to exposit that Theon has brought her 100 ships from the Iron Fleet, and men to sail them, presumably so that she will support his claim to the Salt Throne. Theon clarifies that it’s not his claim – it’s his sister’s. “Why, what’s wrong with you?” Dany asks in a way that is kind of unreasonably condescending. Bitch, I know you’re a queen, but would a little decorum kill you? Theon just mutters that he’s not fit to rule.
Dany asks if the Iron Islands have ever had a female leader. “No more than Westeros,” Yara tells her with a smile. Dany gives her a cute smile in return, and ten million hearts beat faster as they discover their new OTP. Theon explains how Euron killed their father, usurped Yara’s throne, and would have killed them if they hadn’t ran. Dany notes that Balon was a terrible king, and Yara says they have that in common – fathers who were shit at being kings. Dany probably would have sicced a dragon on Theon if he made such a comment, but when Yara says it, she agrees. And notes that both were killed by usurpers (which is only sort of true; Robert didn’t kill Mad King Aerys, Jamie did).
Tyrion recalls that there are more than just 100 ships in the Iron Fleet. Theon agrees and says Euron is coming to Dany with even more. But he’s also coming with his “big cock,” Yara tells him, and both ladies have a bit of a smirk at this. Euron’s offer comes with strings attached – marital strings. Dany assumes Yara’s offer is free of marriage demands, and damn, Yara is so much better at flirting than I am.
Dany tells Tyrion and the Greyjoys that they all have daddy issues because all their fathers were fucking monsters who made the world worse. “But we’re going to leave the world better than we found it.” Dany sets her terms: they’ll support her claim as queen, and stop reaving and raping in the other kingdoms. Yara tells Dany that’s the Iron way of life, but Dany gives no fucks. Yara glances at her brother, but ultimately agrees. She offers her arm to Dany, and Dany offers hers back, and they grasp elbows because I guess that’s a thing people do?
Catherine: I enjoyed this part so much for so many reasons. It’s a scene between two queens deciding how to rule together. It’s a scene where two actresses steal the show. It’s a scene where Yara is like “we need your help” and Dany is like “IDK, guys” and Yara is like, “My uncle thinks that women should stay in the kitchen” and Dany is all “WTF? Tyrion, hold my flower.” IT’S EVERYTHING.
Diva: I’m not going to pretend anything can make up for this show’s love of using rape as set dressing, but I am ALL ABOUT DAT FEMALE EMPOWERMENT happening this season.
Back in the North, the troops are in the following formation:
Catherine: Could’ve been relatives or even a beloved childhood nanny or two. Ya never know with Ramsay.
Diva: The close-up on the Bolton army calls at the sharp differences between the troops. The wildlings looked old and weathered, carrying mud-splattered banners and unevenly armed and armored. The Boltons have neat rows of archers in matching armor, hundreds of knights on horses, countless flayed-man shields. They are silent and still as a single horse rides forward. We see Ramsay, pulling something on a rope behind him. Finally, he rides to the front and dismounts. Behind him, roped and bound to him, is Rickon Stark. Too terrified to function, my brain obsesses over the fact that Rickon and Ramsay are the same height.
Ramsay raises his sword in the air, and Jon dismonds and walks forward. Ramsay makes a big show like he’s going to cut Rickon’s head off, but instead he cuts his ropes. He tells Rickon it’s time to play a game: run to your brother Jon. Only when he sees a man hand Ramsay a bow and arrows does Rickon really start bookin’ it towards his big brother. Jon makes a running leap for his horse, and I’d like to thank the internet for pointing out that this shot makes it painfully obvious that Jon’s sword is made of rubber.
Diva: I don’t want to nitpick an episode that, in terms of filmmaking, was otherwise fucking flawless. But that shit is hilarious and also helps me be way less terrified, so, YES. LOL IT’S ALL WIGGLY.
Like a fucking idiot, Jon gallops forward alone, as Ramsay starts firing arrows after Rickon.
Catherine: It’s weird how true this is. It’s incredibly hard to watch the babiest of the baby Starks get killed but at least we didn’t have to watch him be tortured for weeks before hand.
Diva: Cool, show, thanks for making us feel LUCKY to watch the quick murder of a tween! Jon takes a few dramatic pauses to internalize his brother’s death and stare down Ramsay. Davos and Tormund watch with the rest of the troops, and when Tormund realizes what Jon “I know LITERALLY FUCKING NOTHING” Snow is about to do, he mutters, “don’t.” But Jon doesn’t listen to advice, even advice that he admitted JUST LAST NIGHT was VERY OBVIOUS and TOTALLY STUFF HE SHOULD DO.
Catherine: Rickon’s death is also a way to show Jon some of Ramsay’s sadism all up close and personal. He’s seen it with his own eyes now. He just killed your brother, who was practically a baby the last time you saw him. Go kill him, Jon Snow.
Diva: Ramsay grins, and Davos orders the troops to charge. The Bolton archers send their arrows flying, and thousands rain down, with a half-dozen or so landing in Rickon’s corpse, just in case you weren’t crying yet. Davos screams at the men to follow their commander, and Tormund and Wun-Wun and all the rest of the troops follow. We see horses charging in slow motion, Bolton archers loosing more arrows, some of which hit Jon’s horse. Jon goes flying off his horse, and Ramsay orders his men to charge. Jon steadies himself and stands alone, with not a man on his side around, as thousands of Boltons charge across the field toward him. For a moment, Jon looks so incredibly defeated, but he slowly unsheaths his Valyrian rubber sword, ready to die while taking out as many Bolton motherfuckers as he possibly can.
Diva: We watch in slow motion – the Boltons are just feet away from him now – but a split second before they reach Jon, Jon’s own troops charge forward from behind him. The two armies meet, and utter chaos ensues, horses and men dying by the dozens.
We cut between that chaos, and Ramsay ordering his archers to loose more arrows. We get another head-spinning tracking shot, like the one of the cannon in Meereen, following the arrows up into the air and down into the Stark troops, killing another few dozen men and horses. The show earns all its Emmys in the next shot, an insanely long tracking shot of Jon cutting down every motherfucker who comes his way, with utter devastation happening all around him.
Not!Karstark starts giving a battle cry about owning the North, and the Bolton foot soldiers charge forward. Ramsay just sits on his horse and waits calmly. Jon, on the other hand, is fighting his way through the trenches when Tormund saves his life. We see Wun Wun, ready to trample some motherfuckers, until hundreds of Bolton shields and spears start marching around them. They’ve created a semicircle, boxing in Jon and his troops, backing them up against their own dead.
For a moment, things are quiet again, until the spear and shield assault begins. With a few pokes, and a few steps, the Boltons move in, and slaughter Jon’s men by the hundreds. One man tries to go climbing back over the dead, and hundreds more Boltons come up from behind. Jon’s troops stop waiting to be slaughtered and start fighting back, with Wun Wun breaking apart the shield line, as the screams of the dying get louder and louder. We’re treated to frantic cutaways to blood and guts and dying. Wun Wun rips a dude in half. Another line of Bolton spears and shields marches forward, and Tormund is on the front lines of the men being backed up against piles of corpses and more Boltons. Another line of Jon’s men die, and Tormund runs to try and find another way.
We focus back on Jon, who’s about to charge at Lord Not!Karstark. (I think? Everyone is covered in so much shit, it’s basically impossible to tell) (C: It’s truly impossible. It’s basically Woodstock at this point.) (D: Battle of the Bastards: It’s basically Woodstock!) The tide of battle sweeps over Jon and knocks him down. He’s trampled by man after man after man, and we see Tormund going hand-to-hand with Not!Karstark. A shaky cam returns us to Jon’s perspective – you can barely see him beneath the stampede and the corpse pile, and we get his view of the battle, which is mostly dark shapes and bits of light and nothing comprehensible. We hear him choking for breath and realize that he’s suffocating beneath a pile of corpses and dying men. He kicks and fights and screams and gasps and tries to find a way out. After what feels like ages, his head pokes through the top of the sea of dead and dying men, and he breathes, and he looks exactly like he did the moment he came back to life.
Diva: The tide of men pushes Jon up, and we see Wun Wun with dozens of arrows in him. Jon looks over and sees Tormund getting repeatedly headbutted by Lord Not!Karstark. He exchanges a look with Davos that pretty clearly says, “we are fucked.” A horn sounds, and as Not!Karstark is distracted, Tormund takes the opportunity to TEAR NOT!KARSTARK’S THROAT OUT WITH HIS FUCKING TEETH.
Catherine: Yeah, he does that sometimes.
Diva: A+.
The horn continues, insistently, until we cut to a a banner waving – a moon and falcon banner, the sigil of the Arryns of the Vale. Their forces make the Boltons look like a fucking joke. As the knights of the Vale charge forward, Jon looks up and sees Sansa on her horse, with Littlefinger beside her. And Ramsay sees her too.
Diva: He’s much better at smirking from horseback than, you know, actually fighting.
As Tormund stabs Not!Karstark in a manner that can only be described as “terrifyingly gleeful,” the knights of the Vale break through the Bolton shield wall in about two and a half seconds.
Catherine: Never thought about that and it’s a very interesting addition to the episode! Snaps for you!
Diva: *bows*
The Vale knights sweep over the battlefield, and Jon Snow finally fights his way free of the corpse pile. Wun Wun and Tormund reach him, and Jon and Ramsay have an unreasonably long stare-down, until Ramsay turns and rides off. Sansa watches as Wun Wun, Jon, and Tormund follow behind him.
Catherine: I would call the run that Jon does here more of a, ‘YOU GET THE FUCK BACK HERE YOU COWARDLY LITTLE SHIT’ and then everyone else follows to make sure he doesn’t get himself killed.
Diva: That sounds about right.
Ramsay makes it back to Winterfell and bars the gates. He tells a soldier that the opposing army is gone, but the dude is like, yeah, so is ours. Ramsay calmly tells him that they have the castle. Jon doesn’t have the provisions for a siege, so all they have to do is wait. Of course, Ramsay forgot about one thing: you don’t need a siege when you have a giant who can punch through a castle gate. Boltons loose crossbows and arrows at him, but Wun Wun runs through the gate and falls to his knees, with maybe fifty arrows in him. Jon’s forces come in behind him and start slaughtering Boltons, but Wun Wun is clearly dying. There’s a moment of quiet as a blood-soaked Jon and Tormund look at Wun Wun, when suddenly an arrow finds the giant’s heart, and he dies in Winterfell’s courtyard.
Catherine: I felt this SO much more than I would’ve expected for a character I didn’t even know the name of a few episodes ago. There’s this triumphant moment of Wun Wun breaking through a bitches door like what?! And then that moment turns to sadness. His death is really poignant. I like that they let Jon and Tormund take a moment to mourn him. RIP Wun Wun. Without you on their team, they would’ve Lost-Lost.
Diva: Truth-Truth.
And of course, we add insult to injury because the arrow that kills Wun Wun is Ramsay’s. He wants to know if Jon’s still up for that whole man-to-man combat thing. Ramsay looses more arrows, but Jon is quicker, and throws up a shield just in time. Another – blocked. As he aims the fourth, Jon reaches him. And then things get GOOD.
Diva: We don’t ordinarily condone violence or find it sexy, BUT YES YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES. And I can’t stop giggling about English Elvis.
We get punch after punch after punch, until Ramsay’s pale face is as bloody as Jon’s. Ramsay still smiles, and Jon hits him harder, again and again, until he looks up and sees his sister staring at him. Only that stops him. Jon rises, and next thing we know, the flayed man banner falls. And the gray direwolf on the white banner, the banner of the Starks, is hanging above Winterfell’s walls again.
Catherine: I hope so! I’m already crying. The Starks are back in town! STARK COMEBACK 2K16!
Diva: THE STARKS ARE BACK IN TO-OOO-OOOO-OOOWN *epic guitar solo*
Melisandre is there, looking on in approval. Davos stares up at her, holding Shireen’s stag in his hands. A man brings Rickon’s body to Jon, who tells him to bury Rickon next to Ned in the Winterfell crypts. Sansa has only one question for her brother: “Where is he?”
We cut to a beaten, bleeding Ramsay, tied to a chair in what appears to be cell. He looks up, and sees Sansa, standing there in the snow, just outside the doors to what looks like a stable. Or a kennel. He’s calm, asking if he’s staying here, or if their time is at an end. “You can’t kill me. I’m part of you now,” Ramsay tells her. And to some extent, he’s right. She said it to Littlefinger – she still feels the trauma, physically and emotionally, of what this monster did to her. That doesn’t disappear. But Sansa doesn’t cower. She explains exactly how little he is about to matter.
Diva: A dog growls, and enters his cell, circling around him. Ramsay seems confident that his own dogs would never hurt him, but Sansa just calmly reminds him that they haven’t eaten for a week. “They’re loyal beasts,” he insists. “They were. Now they’re starving,” she responds. And isn’t that the lesson? By all means, keep your weapons sharp. But don’t ever believe that you can abuse them and still control them. Ramsay realizes the truth of this, and finally has the sense to look a bit nervous. A dog approaches, and ignores Ramsay’s commands. It lunges at his face, tearing Ramsay’s flesh apart, and Sansa begins to turn away.
But she turns back. She stands there and stares, as the dogs tear Ramsay’s face apart, just for a few moments, just to let the victory and her joy at Ramsay’s pain linger. She turns away again, and departs to the sounds of the hounds snarling and chewing, and she smiles.
Catherine: QUEEN.
Diva: Final thoughts:
Rickon running in a straight line when the viewers at home were screaming for him to serpentine feels like a metaphor for the entire episode. Every time I expected it to twist, it continued on in a straight line. I was waiting for a Not!Karstark betrayal of Ramsay that never came. I was waiting for Rickon’s wolf to still be alive, but he wasn’t. When the Bolton banners finally fell, I was certain we were about to be shocked by the sight of the Arryn’s moon and falcon hanging there instead of the Stark direwolf. I was one thousand percent sure Tormund Giantsbane was going to die and I was going to cry about it. When Jon was drowning in that pile of corpses and fighting and dying men, I truly didn’t believe he was ever coming up again.
I was wrong on all counts. And the only major “twist” was one we all saw coming – that Sansa had called on Littlefinger’s help, and the knights of the Vale would provide the same eleventh-hour rescue that this show has done just a few too many times before. It’s almost shocking how… unshocking this was, at least in terms of plot points. (The sheer scope of violence was plenty shocking enough.)
Visually, this was an astounding episode of television. This show has done more than a handful of epic battles, so it needed to be flawlessly directed in order to really show us something new. And it was. Focusing on horses’ legs charging in slow-motion, shaky-cam ground-up shots mimicking Jon’s suffocation, minute-long tracking shots of Jon slaying motherfuckers, cameras flying like cannons and arrows over battlefields – the direction in this episode emphasized one thing above all else: carnage. The hideous, disgusting truth of what a medieval battle would look like. Fallen men don’t disappear; their bodies pile up, suffocating anyone still alive beneath them. Dying men aren’t silent; there’s a sick chorus of their cries. And pretty boys don’t leave a battle looking as pretty as they started. Every time the camera zoomed out, it looked like hell had come to the north, because it had. It felt like we watched the death and rebirth of Jon Snow all over again in this episode.
As for the internet’s endless questions about why Sansa didn’t tell Jon that the knights of the Vale were coming – I truly think she didn’t know whether Littlefinger would show or not. She wrote to him for help, but he didn’t necessarily respond – she may have just been hoping for him to show. Lord knows how they could have corresponded about the date and time for this battle if that’s the case, but, what can ya do. And I think we can brush off Ghost’s absence with the fact that, while he’s invaluable against a small group of people, he’d have been too at risk to use in a battle so large. I’m less certain why nobody bothered to use the WITCH, who can BIRTH SHADOW DEMONS, which might be KIND OF FUCKING HELPFUL, DON’T YOU THINK?
My lingering Sansa questions are sadder. After that speech about how Ramsay’s house and name and lineage have ended, I feel absolutely certain that Sansa is pregnant. This episode gave the audience exactly what it wanted: a Stark victory, and the slow, painful death of Ramsay Bolton. And when the fuck has this show ever given us exactly what we wanted, without snatching it away in the next episode?
And that smile – that wasn’t the smile of the Sansa we’ve seen grow from a bratty, privileged little girl to a survivor of horrific torment and torture. That smile belongs to a whole other woman, a woman who reminds me once again that Sansa learned everything she knows about the game of thrones from Cersei and Littlefinger. Cersei and Littlefinger, who have murdered spouses and kings to retain or gain power. In this episode, Sansa murders her spouse as well. Is kingslaying up next?
Catherine: So much +1 to your thoughts. Although, personally I don’t think Sansa is pregnant. Am I just being optimistic? Maybe. Although, at this point I feel like as a plotline it would lose a lot of it’s shock value since Ramsay is dead so it’s not like he can claim the child or anything. And he killed all of his family himself so no one else can either. IDK. This episode was a lot. Even just commenting on this recap got my heart racing again. The battle was intense and well done, Rickon’s death was incredibly heartbreaking, Ramsay’s death was cathartic. I felt like I was punching him in the face and it was great. (Although, that said Iwan Rheon who played Ramsay is a great actor and I’ve seen him in many other things were I loved his character. So let’s clap it up for his performance making us hate him for years). This episode made the interesting choice of revolving around the two battles- Winterfell and Meereen– instead of just focusing on Winterfell, which I felt was a good choice. They’ve done the ‘epic battle in the second-to-last episode’ thing a few times before and this mixed it up and made me, as viewer feel like we were progressing a little faster.
But this episode so clearly showed the growth of so many great characters and was so well directed and acted it hurt. Like, it literally fucking hurt at times. Well played, writers. Well played.
Diva: And now, the #gameofsnark tweets:
QUEEN OF THE FUCKING NORTH #gameofsnark pic.twitter.com/WEKlyyduUS
— Franuel (@LollyWheeks) June 20, 2016
Davos + Thormund = new BrOTP#GameofSnark
— Eowin S. *Mycake* (@MissEowinS) June 20, 2016
Grey Worm treated those two fucks like I treat grey hairs I find. Including Tyrion’s “tell your friends” speech. #gameofsnark #gameofthrones
— Haley Dercher (@HaleyDercher) June 20, 2016
Yara teaming up with Daenerys = Oprah endorsing Hillary. #gameofthrones #gameofsnark
— Democracy Diva (@democracydiva) June 20, 2016
LADIES GET SHIT DONE. AS SEEN BY DANY AND YARA. GETTING SHIT DONE. AND BEING BADASSES. #GameofSnark #GameofThrones
— Daria Marshall (@idoubledogdaria) June 20, 2016
RUN IN A FUCKING ZIG-ZAG MOTION RICKON FFS. #gameofsnark
— Catherine McGinnes (@CatherineJane91) June 20, 2016
hey twitter i’d love to have seen YOU remember to run in zigzags when you’re abt to die. fuckin backseat drivers #gameofthrones #gameofsnark
— Democracy Diva (@democracydiva) June 20, 2016
They killed Rickon cause they didn’t know what else to do with him and that hurts me. #gameofsnark
— Samantha Ania (@SamanthaSpice91) June 20, 2016
don’t worry jon still 18 minutes for the knights of the vale to arrive!! #gameofthrones #gameofsnark
— Democracy Diva (@democracydiva) June 20, 2016
I really need the Nights of the Vale to come now. Or Dany with her dragons. Either or will work #GameofSnark #GameofThrones
— Daria Marshall (@idoubledogdaria) June 20, 2016
Can’t believe the Vale showed up late with no Starbucks. #gameofsnark
— Catherine McGinnes (@CatherineJane91) June 20, 2016
Watching Jon beat the shit outta Ramsay was the most fucking cathartic thing in 6 seasons. I feel like I need a cigarette now. #gameofsnark
— Catherine McGinnes (@CatherineJane91) June 20, 2016
OHHH, YAAAS!! Justice was served with a large side of revenge for Fat Walda and her baby boy!!#GameofSnark
— Eowin S. *Mycake* (@MissEowinS) June 20, 2016
WHATEVER I AM HAPPY ABOUT SANSA SETTING THE DOGS AND IDC IF THAT IS WRONG. I AM HAPPY SHE ENJOYED IT. QUEEN. #gameofsnark
— Samantha Ania (@SamanthaSpice91) June 20, 2016
are there post-viability restrictions on obtaining moon tea? asking for a friend named sansa. #gameofthrones #gameofsnark #gameofreprorights
— Democracy Diva (@democracydiva) June 20, 2016
Also as my Dreams For Sansa checklist is about complete, I am sure terrible things are coming. Had a good run. #gameofsnark #GameofThrones
— Nicole Sweeney (@SweeneySays) June 20, 2016
I'm a J.D. by day/blogger by night who directs her snark and judgment primarily towards celebrities and their many red carpet mishaps. Blogging from the style capital of the world (just kidding - I live in DC), I rant and rave over the best and worst in fashion and pop culture.
I'm a 28 year old graduated English major and almost librarian. I can often be found singing too loudly (poorly) in the car or spending some time (hours) on Tumblr. I am a lover of Harry Potter, the Spice Girls, and too many other things.
