The OC S04 E09 – Are you my daddy?

Previously: Seth hijacks Ryan’s New Years and ends up proposing to Summer after a pregnancy scare.
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The My Two Dads

Marines: Summer is in bed staring at her ugly engagement ring. Taylor walks in, asking for help with her resolutions. So far she’s got “get a job and stop mooching off of other people’s families” and “take calcium supplements.” That’s basically it.

Samantha: Taylor, if you’re gonna take calcium you might as well take iron, too. Get a well rounded supplement system going. 

Mari: After a beat, Summer suggests she add one more thing: plan Summer’s wedding.

Taylor wants to know why Summer didn’t tell her sooner and Summer says it’s denial, which doesn’t exactly sound super romantic. Summer says that she wants to get married eventually, and probably to Seth, but being engaged is weird now that she’s not pregnant. Taylor tells Summer she has to tell Seth the truth but Summer just averts her eyes and looks shifty. Seth was so sincere when he proposed, she doesn’t want to take it back. Taylor is like, “okay, wedding planning it is.”

Casa Cohen. Seth is staring at the ceiling, obviously not really into the engagement thing either. So, basically we’re introducing this problem that could be solved with some words good and early. COOL. (S: LEAST FAVORITE PLOT DEVICE HELP.) Ryan walks in and in a mirror scene, Ryan is the voice of reason after Seth drops the engagement bomb. Seth regrets proposing, but he also doesn’t want to take it back. Ryan is like, “oh, that’s okay. Let’s just tell your parents you are engaged.” Seth is horrified at the prospect.

Pier. Taylor and Ryan watch Seth and Summer as they have a talk. Ryan tells Taylor that Seth doesn’t want to get married and Taylor is like, “great! Neither does Summer!” Except these two know their friends’ aversion to using words, so they know it isn’t going to be easy. On cue, Seth and Summer walk up to say they had a long chat. Seth asks Ryan to be his best man. Summer asks Taylor to be her maid of honor. No one explains that you can have a long engagement and don’t need to make these decisions RIGHT NOW.

Samantha: Mari, I’m not even close to being engaged but will you please be in my wedding?

Mari: Only if you really want to get married…

Summer pulls Taylor away to talk wedding stuff. Seth tries to be positive for one second but then admits that this is real bad.

CALIFORNIA!

Sandy Cohen meets Frank Hercules out on the pier and gives him very many stern eyebrows and questioning looks. We cut between said eyebrows and looks to Julie telling Kirsten the truth about their new accountant. In this way we cut back and forth between Frank Hercules pleading his case and Julie defending him to Kirsten. Frank’s sober now, he’s cleaned up his act and he only recently got out of prison. Sandy is pensive.

Samantha: Teenage Me was ALL THE STRESSED about Hercules coming in and usurping Sandy’s eyebrows.

Mari: I’m glad I’m watching this as an adult who clearly recognizes that nothing could usurp them eyebrows.

Ryan is still trying to convince Seth to use his words and tell Summer he doesn’t want to get married yet, especially since she doesn’t want to either. His alternative, though, is to smoke Summer out and force her to use her words. I’m not sure this is good advice, but it’s probably better than marrying someone when you don’t want to…? I don’t know. Dubious teen ethics.

Harbor. CHRIS BROWN (???) (S: ?!?!?!?!) is giving a speech on Call of the Wild, and he’s supposed to be playing this total nerd and overachieving type, though we all know he later goes on to beat his girlfriend, so. Kaitlin is not enjoying this speech. She’s next up and since they are supposed to be speaking from the perspective of the dog, she just says “ruff ruff ruff” a ton of times before the teacher tells her to shut up and sit down. (S: I say this to Kaitlin often.) After class, the teach tells her that she’s failing, which isn’t as amusing to Kaitlin as her little (stupid) stunt. Chris Brown is picking up some books he forgot and the teacher tells him to partner with Kaitlin to revise her presentation for another shot at a good grade.

Samantha: Is Chris Brown like when Paris Hilton was guesting in everything?

Mari: There is no explanation for this.

Restaurant. Ryan is working and Sandy pays him a visit, asking if maybe Ryan can take a break soon. We cut to those two sitting on a bench, Ryan looking shellshocked. Sandy tells Ryan that if he doesn’t want to see his father, he doesn’t have to. Ryan was expecting some kind of lecture on the importance of family.

NO, STOP. COHEN/RYAN FAMILY FEELS ARE TOO MUCH. (S: I’m still crying from when I watched this as it aired in 2007.)

Ryan thinks about it for a second and says he doesn’t want to see his father. Maybe eventually, but not now. Sandy accepts this and says that no explanation is needed. Ryan is clearly struggling with emotions and before leaving, asks Sandy how Frank seemed. Sandy says he seemed good. Ryan walks away and back inside the restaurant, he broods.

Hotel. Sandy calls Frank and tells him that Ryan def doesn’t want to see him. Sandy wishes him the best and ends the call. The camera pulls back and we see that Julie is having lunch with Frank. I know that Julie met him first under the whole accountant pretense, but this is weird. I don’t like it. Julie asks what Frank is going to do and we cut away before we can hear Frank say, “I’m going to realize that no victim owes their abuser forgiveness or an audience.” That’s what I’m going to imagine, anyway.

Samantha:

Mari: Seth visits Summer to start his smoke out plan. He bought her a cookbook and signed her up for cooking classes since he expects home cooked meals. He also brought over a Torah, since she’s converting to Judaism. We cut to Summer throwing the Torah onto Taylor’s bed and proclaiming that Seth is trying to smoke her out and make her call of the wedding. Taylor asks if Summer is going to level with him, but of course not. Summer’s going to go bridezilla on him. Taylor gives Summer the WTF look she deserves.

Samantha:

Me too, Taylor.

Mari: New Match. Sandy apologizes for busting in on a meeting, but Kirsten looks so nervous this is clearly not a normal meeting. Frank stands up and Sandy asks what he’s doing still there. Julie’s eyes are full of tears. Frank explains that he didn’t want to have to say this, but then it just came out as he was saying goodbye to the ladies. Julie finishes for him: Frank is dying. DUN DUN GUILT.

Casa Cohen. Sandy is not buying the “wah wah I’m dying” thing from Frank, but Kirsten is. Kirsten says this seems personal with Sandy and he gives her sad eyes and eyebrows because of course it is. Ryan is their son because Frank turned his back on that family. Sandy isn’t going to let Frank hurt Ryan again (sniffle). Kirsten asks for just a chance to talk to Ryan about Frank.

Comic Book Store. Summer comes in and greets Seth with a, “Shalom Cohen.” Her retaliation includes a pamphlet on diamonds and some forced babysitting of Pancakes. Seth takes this all in good stride and mentions maybe including Yates or Shelley in his vows. Summer thinks maybe she’ll have some Shel Silverstein with a dash of Dr. Seuss: I said what I meant, I meant what I said, an elephant’s faithful a hundred percent.

Harbor. Kaitlin finds Chris Brown in the music room and basically tells him to write her assignment. He tries to tell Kaitlin she’s not as stupid as she wants to be, but she says stupid has nothing to do with it. Bratty is more like it, Chris Brown.

DA’s office. Kirsten comes bearing roast beef and apologies for Sandy. He doesn’t want to fight with her either; he was just trying to protect Ryan. They don’t see eye to eye on how to do that, but Sandy says their yin and yang style of parenting has given them two good guys (S: Maybe 1.5 good guys…..?) So, Kirsten wants to talk to Ryan and Sandy is having someone look into Frank’s prison medical records. If he’s wrong, he’ll eat his words. If he’s right, well, the sooner they know the better. Kirsten looks slightly uncomfortable with this plan, but it’s lunch time now.

Taylor picks Ryan up after his shift and she’s got some wise words re: his daddy as well. She never gets to see her dad either and she knows that she’d jump on an opportunity to form a relationship with him. She’d take the chance to see him face to face, even if it’s to tell him she never wants to see him again. Ryan is pensive.

Cooper-Infested Roberts Home. Summer is practicing the Hebrew alphabet with Julie and burning brisket. Julie asks what the heck is really going on and Summer explains the whole “can’t quit the wedding first” thing. Julie is in her element now that she realizes they are talking about manipulating the opposite sex. (S: Lol.)

Kirsten walks with Frank Hercules down the pier and apologizes for Sandy’s abruptness. Ryan is waiting for them at the end of the pier and he (broodingly) asks his dad if he wants to grab a coffee.

The next day, Ryan tries to explain to Seth what he talked about with his dad, but he’s having a hard time. It seems like it was probably a lot of small talk and awkward silences. Seth is having this conversation while carrying Pancakes in a cross body pouch. Ryan tells him to stop the games and take that bunny TF out of the restaurant. Seth will not do the first thing and reluctantly does the second.

Harbor. Chris Brown gives Kaitlin back her notebook. The teacher comes in and says Kaitlin better deliver a great speech. Kaitlin is super confident until she opens up her notebook and finds that Chris Brown wrote “woof woof woof” over and over. Kaitlin has to ad-lib her speech, all about how Buck’s story is a metaphor for being a teenager with a crappy life.

Her pained look moves me not at all.

Casa Cohen. Taylor is helping Kirsten cook, but mostly being spazzy and nervous because Frank Hercules is coming for dinner. Kirsten asks her why the heck she freaking out over fish and spinach and Taylor admits that she’s nervous. This is the first true test of her relationship with Ryan. Kirsten says it’s enough that she’s there for him and they hug. Sandy gets home from work and asks what’s going on. Taylor rambles about dinner with Frank and Sandy is clearly pissed.

Kirsten follows him out of the kitchen and up to the room, giving Sandy another chance to lay those adoptive dad feels on us because he doesn’t want Ryan to get hurt. Kirsten repeats that this is important to Ryan and Frank seems to be less awful than they imagined, minus the spousal abuse stuff. Plus, Kirsten says that nothing is going to change Sandy and Ryan’s relationship. Sandy softens and says he’ll play nice. (S: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww.)

Bar. Julie meets Frank because he called with some sort of emergency: should he wear a sports jacket or not? If some MF made me leave my house for that crap, I would throat punch him. Julie seems to think it’s charming. (S: Julie is not of this world.) She assures him that the dinner will be great and they share a lot of loaded, flirtatious looks because EW EW MAKE IT STOP.

Samantha: I was always annoyed that she fell for an Atwood after all the hell she put Marissa through.

Mari: An EXCELLENT point.

Comic Book Store. Summer arrives for some wedding planning and brainstorming but she takes it up a notch and suggests they elope right, right now. Seth is clearly uncomfortable but he plays along. Road trip to Vegas (not even a stop for clean underwear)!

Awkward Dads Dinner. Ryan is talking about going to Berkeley in the fall and things get a little awkward when Sandy and Kirsten say that’s where they met. “Family tradition,” Frank Hercules offers lamely. Apparently, he figures the best way to ease the tension is to tell his own family story about a botched trip to San Francisco. It’s mostly saved when he whips out a baby picture of Ryan that Taylor can squeal over. Ryan says that’s his cue to go get dessert. Sandy clears the table and goes with Ryan into the kitchen.

There, Sandy admits that Hercules Frank is winning him over. Ryan says him too, but it’s a shame it took a terminal illness to make Frank a better person. Right on cue, Sandy gets a phone call. Ryan takes the pie outside to leave him to it and we watch the one side of Sandy’s conversation with Frank’s prison doctor. His eyebrows are very disappointed throughout, so I think we know how this is gonna go.

Road trip. Seth and Summer and driving in silence until Seth asks Summer if she’s okay. Not wanting to give in, she tells him she’s perfectly fine. Seth pulls the car over anyway and says he can’t do this. He loves Summer but it doesn’t feel right getting married. Summer looks incredibly relieved, right up until Seth says that he needs to ask Dr. Roberts for Summer’s hand first. Summer shuts down that antiquated gesture, but Seth insists, so now they are turning the car around to get Dr. Robert’s permission. (S: I cannot even.)

Casa Cohen. There’s more small talk about Ryan doing musical theater once Frank “left” (…abandoned his family?) (S: …after being abusive?) and also Taylor makes a weird comment about straightening Ryan out, I guess because musical theater is gay… Sandy comes out and asks if he can talk to Frank for a moment. Everyone exchanges UH OH looks.

Inside, Frank thanks Sandy for a nice dinner. Sandy snarks about how when you don’t have a lot of time left, every meal counts. Frank is like, “oooh… oh yeah…” But the jig is up. Frank is healthy as a horse and just made up the lie  about dying to force Ryan to see him. Sandy tells Frank to come clean or else he’s going to tell Ryan himself. At that, Kirsten, Ryan and Taylor come in and ask what’s going on. Sandy asks Frank if he has something to say and Frank’s all NOPE. Sandy says that in that case, Frank needs to leave. They start shouting (“he’s my son!” “not anymore!”) but Frank won’t budge. He shoves Sandy away and says that Sandy doesn’t want to hit him. Sandy punches him IN THE FACE with a hilarious “yes I do!” Ryan steps between them before more punching happens and tells Frank they can go talk outside.

Samantha: IN THE FACE YESSSS DAD SANDY YESSSSSSS.

Mari: Kirsten asks what the heck happened. Sandy says the good news is that Frank will outlive them all. The bad news is that his hand really hurts. Taylor offers to bring him ice.

Harbor. Kaitlin, in her ridiculous, boring and stupid subplot. She finds Chris Brown in the band room and admits that he got her good. Chris congratulates her on her speech. They look at each other for a while, expectantly, but when Chris Brown asks if she wants to hang out, she shoots him down.

Casa Cohen. Frank is explaining that he lied to buy himself some time and in the list of bad things he’s done, this doesn’t even make top 10. That is a horrible argument, Frank. WTF. (S: Also, LEAVE.) Frank asks Ryan to help him do better, but Ryan says it’s too soon for him. The taxi rolls up. It’s time for Frank to go. He hugs Ryan awkwardly and leaves.

Inside, Taylor is waiting for Ryan. He apologizes that her first family dinner went so badly, but she’s totally fine with it. It was their first relationship milestone and they got through. Taylor jokes that now he’s ready for dinner with her mom. Ryan makes legit “ugh” noises, but concludes that no family is perfect. Taylor looks back in the direction of the kitchen and says that Ryan’s family is pretty close. She kisses him goodnight and leaves.

In the kitchen, Sandy is icing his hand. He apologizes to Ryan for losing his cool, but Ryan gets it. Sandy is also sorry that things didn’t work out with Ryan’s dad and Ryan says, “my dad is right here.”

BRB. CRYING. (S: WAILING.)

Julie and Frank walk together and Julie’s like, “yeah, if you lie about cancer, you get punched.” She’s also pretty chill about this because she’s known to be also be a lying liar who lies. Before Frank leaves, he gives Julie a black book that basically has her prostitution ring business set-up. Julie says she’s quitting that but Frank is like, “IDK. Prostitution is kind of awesome.” He kisses her goodbye. (S: JUST LEAVE.)

Back at Casa Cohen, Ryan is watching TV with Sandy and Kirsten. Seth comes in, sans Pancakes, and explains that the bunny is back with Summer since he’ll be going to Seattle soon to visit Dr. Roberts. He doesn’t explain more than that. Seth gets the run down version of dinner, lies and punches and joins his family on the couch. We fade out on their quirky banter and shots of the Nat Geo show they are watching on meerkats.

Samantha: I cannot believe they didn’t wrap up the dumb marriage subplot. 

Mari: We aren’t that lucky.

 

Next time on The OC: The French ex-husband is back and causing trouble in S04 E10 – The French Connection.