Previously: Tessa is still having the worst party ever and encounters cheap paper towels.
—
Marines: So, the sinner music has been dialed up to 10 and Tessa is, I don’t know, rueing the day she was born.
I suppose the reason she really hated the fact that the music got LOUD is that she wants to find Steph. Instead of waiting for the music to stop or getting closer to Nate or using her own damn legs to walk around and look, Tessa decides to point a lot and yell at Nate.
“Finally, after pointing around and yelling, “Steph!” like ten times at Nate, the music drops into a quieter song and he nods and starts to laugh.”
Tessa, honey, sweetie, he’s laughing at you. I’m sure of it. (S: Yes. Laughter is how Nate is choosing to cope with this ridiculous person. Bless him.)
Nate points Tessa in the direction of the next room, so she literally could’ve taken 3 seconds to walk there instead of standing there and pointing like a maniac. Tessa thinks about how sweet Nate is and wonders why he hangs out with Hardin at all.
Tessa takes a momentary break from thinking about Hardin all the time always to head into the next room. Even though music is playing and this a party, she tells us that “all I hear is the sound of my own gasp as I spot her.” What could possibly cause Tessa to gasp so loud that she is momentarily incapable of hearing any other sounds?
Steph
is
dancing.
She’s up on a table dancing and then a guy climbs up there with her and instead of swatting him away and leaving room for the Holy Spirit, she pushes her “bottom” up again him. Nate catches Tessa’s reaction and explains to her that they are just dancing. (S: I was seriously fully braced for Steph to be shooting up based on that batshit reaction.)
“But they aren’t just dancing; they’re groping and grinding against each other.”
But… that’s dancing? C’mon, girl. Even Baby got with the program.
Tessa shrugs it off, but she’s sure to tell us in her head that this isn’t casual to her. She’s NEVER danced that way. Not even with Noah, who she’s been dating for two years. Thinking about all the ways she hasn’t touched her boyfriend reminds her that they were texting! She grabs her phone and Noah’s sent her a few ARE YOU OKAY? messages. The last one asks if Noah should contact Tessa’s mother.
Boy, what? What could Tessa’s mom do from 3 hours away? It’s been like 20 minutes since you last spoke to Tessa? You are just looking to get her in trouble.
Samantha: This is why we are going to forget all about your pot stirring bottom as soon as you’re dumped, Nate.
Mari: Tessa quickly calls Noah, but he doesn’t pick up. She texts him that she is okay and definitely DO NOT call her mom, who will lose it if she thinks something happened to Tessa during her first weekend of college.
Steph comes up to Tessa and she’s falling over and slurring her words. Honestly, how long have they been at this party? They walked in, went to the couch, everyone nodded at Tessa, Pink Hair called her priss, Tessa went outside and sent Noah 2 text messages before someone spilled a drink on her, she went upstairs to look for a bathroom, she exchanged like 3 awkward sentences with Pink Hair, she went to the kitchen and wiped her dress with cheap napkins and then Nate found her and offered to let her borrow his car. Is it me or is that, like, 20 minutes? So Steph gets puke drunk in 20 minutes? That’s one way to attend a party, I guess.
Anyway, Tessa tells Nate that Steph is going to be sick, so Nate picks Steph up and carries her (over his shoulder, which has got to make a drunk person like 1000% more pukey) to the bathroom. Tessa takes a moment to be pissy about how of course he finds the bathroom. Steph pukes for a while and then Nate suggests taking her to one of the bedrooms to sleep it off. Tessa thinks that’s a good idea, but also doesn’t want to leave her friend alone while passed out.
The List of Actual Good Decision Tessa Has Made
- Not accepting unidentified alcoholic drinks
- Not leaving her passed out friend alone
Samantha: I was sincerely impressed by this. This is correct protocol. Take care of your friends and acquaintances at parties, people.
Mari: Ahem, ahem, KATHERINE KAVANAUGH, who let her passed out BFF be carried away to a hotel room by a strange man. (S: Ah yes, that bitch Katherine. Ana was never mad at her for the right reasons.)
Nate helps get Steph into a nearby bedroom and then takes off, saying he’ll check in on them later.
“Sober, with a drunk girl beside me and a party raging all around, I feel like I’ve hit a new low.”
If this is your new low, Tessa, bless you.
Tessa turns on a light and starts looking around the room. She is drawn to the bookshelves and scans the shelves, impressed by the collection of the mysterious person and omg who could possibly be the owner of this room with their vast complexities as evidenced by a nice collection of books and even classics? (S: My heart sunk so low. This couldn’t just be a random room.)
Tessa spies… wait for it… wait for it… wait for it… WUTHERING HEIGHTS. YEP! You just know amazing shit is going to happen in a romance book if they are referencing Wuthering Heights on page 29.
Samantha:
Why is this book the diamond of romance classics??? How did this happen????????
Mari: There is a correlation between that and abuse becoming the YA/NA romance standard.
She pulls Wuthering Heights off the shelf and it’s a little groddy because the mysterious prick with the heart of gold who no doubt lives here has read it a very lot. Tessa gets so lost in pretending that Wuthering Heights is some kind of romantic standard that she doesn’t even notice when someone walks in.
Hark! Alas! Who goes there! Who could it be!
It’s HARDIN.
He yells at her, asking what the hell she’s doing in his room. Tessa doesn’t answer fast enough so he marches over to her, snatches the book away, yells at her again and starts waving his hands in front of her face.
Gosh, wow, imagine walking into your room and finding someone there without your invitation. Wouldn’t that be strange? Imagine, if say, like 5 chapters ago, you were in someone’s room and they asked you to leave so they could change in peace and you refused wouldn’t that be so awful, Hardin? Don’t you just hate when people are in your space, Hardin?
Tessa explains in her scared voice that Nate brought her in here because Steph drank too much. Hardin cuts her off because now she’s offering too much explanation. Tessa joins some dots and is shocked to discover that Hardin is in this fraternity.
“Does that surprise you, Theresa?”
“Stop calling me Theresa.” He has me cornered.
“That’s your name, isn’t it?” He smirks, his mood slightly lightening.”
Good signs for the future of this relationship:
- He refuses to accept her wishes and preferences.
- Tessa immediately feels cornered in his presence.
- His mood lightens when he upsets Tessa.
Yay, romance!
Samantha: Shoot, another pair of my panties exploded.
Mari: Snark Squad does not reimburse for spontaneous panty combustion, FYI.
Tessa decides she needs to leave before she cries or slaps Hardin. On her way out, Hardin says that Steph can’t stay in his room. Tessa says she thought they were friends. Hardin answers they are, but no one stays in his room. Tessa takes a moment to notice his lip ring and wonder why he would put a hole in his lip and his eyebrow but also appreciate that his lip ring does accentuate his luscious lips.
I guess now that we have that out of the way, we can return to the fact that Hardin wants to kick his passed out “friend” out of his room. Wait, not yet! Now Tessa notices that one of Hardin’s tattoos is a flower. Maybe a rose but with more darkness and mystery.
“Feeling brave and annoyed, I let out a laugh. “Oh… I see. So only girls who make out with you can come into your room?” As the words leave my mouth his smile grows.
“That wasn’t my room. But if you’re trying to say you want to make out with me, sorry, you’re not my type,” he says. I’m not sure why but his words hurt my feelings.”
STOP. Tessa, stop it right now. Do not get your feelings hurt by a guy who has a strict NO ONE IN MY ROOM policy and then goes finds other rooms to sit in while people are changing or to make-out in. Do NOT make disparaging remarks about Pink Hair girl and then feel hurt because you aren’t Hardin’s type. DO NOT FALL FOR THIS. (She yells, knowing we have 1000s of pages of Tessa falling for this left to go.)
Samantha: Also, lets just point out what Anna is doing. Sure, Hardin is being mean this chapter but the “clues” are here to show us that he is just misunderstood. He reads classic and romantic (except not) books. He has a tattoo of a flower which means there’s a softness inside of him or whatever. I’m sure the reasons he’s in a fraternity will be either because he’s actually a “good” friend or a complicated “I have to be in it” reason. I see what you’re doing Todd, but none of it changes all the things Mari said above now or ever.
Mari: Tessa gets so frustrated that she yells at Hardin that he can take Steph to another room himself and she’ll find her own way back to the dorms. Tessa slams the door on her way out and like a creepy nightmare murder house, she can hear Hardin’s mocking “good night, Theresa,” on the other side. (S: So fucking creepy.)
Wow, girl. I think you might get killed.
Also:
The List of Actual Good Decision Tessa Has Made
- Not accepting unidentified alcoholic drinks
Not leaving her passed out friend alone
Next time on After: Theresa makes a phone call in the bathroom. I literally just spoiled the entirety of Chapter 10.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
I'm a 28 year old graduated English major and almost librarian. I can often be found singing too loudly (poorly) in the car or spending some time (hours) on Tumblr. I am a lover of Harry Potter, the Spice Girls, and too many other things.
