Previously: Hardin wondered why the heck Lizzie would fall for Darcy and we groaned into forever.
—
Marines: So, for reasons that are beyond you, me, and every thinking person, Tessa is going to another party. This time, she’s almost forced to wear some tight jeans because after one week at school, she has to do so much laundry, she doesn’t have many other options. Sure, Tessa. You have to wear those tight jeans. Sure.
Also, she pairs her tight jeans with a button up shirt, but it’s black and sleeveless and has some lace on the shoulder and we all know lace is code for sin. We get confirmation of this when Stephanie says she actually likes Tessa’s outfit today. She offers Tessa some eyeliner again, but Tessa passes, remembering how it got all smeared by her tears last time. This seems super reasonable if Tessa is banking on crying again, and she probably knows enough about herself + parties to know this is a safe bet.
Steph tells Tessa that Molly (of the pink hair) will be picking them up tonight instead of Nate. Tessa says that she doesn’t think Molly likes her. (S: GIRL. I think you are projecting your nonsensical dislike.) Steph tells her not to worry about it because Molly is just “bitchy and too honest sometimes.” Besides, she’s probably intimidated by Tessa because she’s so ~*different*~. Steph says that Molly will be preoccupied anyway. Tessa thinks she means by Hardin, and that earns her an eyebrow-raised look from Steph. Steph says it’ll probably be Zed tonight because Molly “changes guys every week.”
“That’s a harsh thing to say about a friend, but she just smiles and adjusts her top.”
All she said was that Molly frequently shows interest in different guys…? Stop bringing your judgements to this party, Tessa.
Samantha: Exactly my notes. There is no indication of slut shaming from Steph, just statement of facts. You are a projection machine tonight, Tess.
Mari: Anyway, the real point is that Tessa gets confirmation that Molly and Hardin aren’t dating. Steph says definitely not because Hardin doesn’t date. Of course he doesn’t, because for romance to be romance, the girl has to be a virgin in her vagina and the boy has to be a virgin in his heart. Have we sung this song before? It seems so familiar.
Anyway, Hardin doesn’t date, he just “fucks with a lot of girls, but he doesn’t date anyone. Ever.” Tessa can only manage an “oh.”
We cut to the party and Tessa is already complaining about how the party is exactly the same as last week, with drunk people everywhere. She asks herself why she didn’t just stay home, so that Anna Todd really drives home here that no, it doesn’t make sense for Tessa to be at another party again after her tragic run-in with cheap paper towels and people engaging in consensual kissing.
Samantha: We didn’t have to sit through this car ride because Hardin wasn’t in the car. Car rides are officially Not Real unless he exists in the car.
Mari: This is true of about 90% of all of the activity Tessa engages in so far. We speed right by it unless there is a Hardin sighting. Case in point:
Tessa scores a spot on the couch and is sitting there for a whole hour before we finally get… our Hardin sighting. He walks to Tessa and tells her she looks different when she’s wearing clothes that actually fit. He does this while sizing her creepily and it unsurprisingly makes her wish she were wearing looser clothing. Possibly a muumuu, I’d say. Hardin says he’s surprised to see her there and she says she’s surprised she’s there and walks away. He doesn’t follow her but Tessa secretly wishes he would because she likes that d. And by “d” I mean “derision.”
We skip to a few hours later and Steph is drunk but Tessa is kind enough to note that she’s only as drunk as everyone else is. Zed drunkenly suggest truth or dare. Molly passes a bottle of “clear alcohol” to Nate, who takes a swig.
“Hardin’s hand is so large that it covers his entire red cup as he takes a sip.”
1- I’m trying to imagine how large a hand would have to be to engulf a Solo cup.
2- YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT BIG HAN– Anna Todd is in middle school.
Samantha: Not even the first time this book Tessa weirdly notices Hardin’s hands.
Mari: The game consists of a new, “punk-looking girl,” Hardin, Zed, Nate, Nate’s roommate, Tristan, Molly and Steph. Tessa is off to the side, thinking about what a very bad idea a game at a party is when Molly invites Tessa to join, like the too honest bitch that she is. Tessa says she’d rather not and decides instead to stare at a brown stain on the carpet. No, seriously, why did they invite her to this party again?
Samantha: She’s so Different, another d word, and maybe they needed it for their D Word Bingo?
Mari: Wonderful, yes. They can play D Word Bingo and we’ll be over here doing a D Word Drinking Game, where we come up with D words and drink, which also starts with D. Wow, much fun, totally needed to get through this book.
Hardin says that in order to play Truth or Dare, Tessa would have to stop being a prude for 5 minutes and everyone laughs at her. Tessa is so mad because she’s NOT a prude. Honest! She’s not! She may not be “wild” but it’s not like she’s a nun! She didn’t wear a habit to the last party, just a Sunday School outfit, GOD. Hardin’s words work, though, because Tessa sits down in the little game circle while glaring at Hardin.
Samantha: Nothing like Dangerous peer pressure.
Mari: Cheers!
Zed gets dared to chug a beer. Molly gets dared to flash her “bare chest” to everyone. Steph reveals the truth that her nipples are pierced. It’s Tessa’s turn and she goes for truth. Zed asks if she’s a virgin, and the answer is of course yes because this is a romance, cot dammit!
“Of course I’m a virgin; the furthest Noah and I have gone is making out and some slight groping, over our clothes, of course.”
Of course.
Samantha: It’s the “of course” that really Debilitates my patience.
Mari: Tessa says that no one seems surprised, just intrigued. Steph clarifies that Tessa has been dating Noah for 2 years and they haven’t had sex. These kids are all 17 or 18, right? I’m not sure it would be such a big deal but I’m old and very far away from this now.
Samantha: I’m Desolate. Lets just not judge or shame each other for sexual choices, okay? Okay.
Mari: Good advice all around.
The chapter ends with Tessa deflecting attention from herself by pointing out that it’s Hardin’s turn.
Okay, quiz time:
The truth or dare game continues next chapter. How will it progress?
a. Tessa gets a dare to punch Hardin in the face and we all cheer her on.
b. Tessa gets a truth and shares with everyone her deep hatred of cheap paper towels.
c. Hardin gets a truth and confesses he hasn’t read any of the books in his room so any perceived depth is false.
d. Hardin gets a dare and he has to…. KISS TESSA OMG OMG OMG.
Samantha: I’m rooting for C but as the theme of my comments indicates….probably D.
Mari: It’s always the D.
Next time on After: Vodka y’all in Chapter 16.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
I'm a 28 year old graduated English major and almost librarian. I can often be found singing too loudly (poorly) in the car or spending some time (hours) on Tumblr. I am a lover of Harry Potter, the Spice Girls, and too many other things.
